


New life, new rules: Reflected

by Vykyll



Series: New life, new rules: Acclimatise [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Background Relationships, Black Emporium, Blood Mages, Blood Magic, Bloody Horror, Coping, Dark Times, Death, Depression, Dominant Sex, Doppelganger, Dubious Consent, Eluvians, Elven Alienages, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Has Issues, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Female to Male body, Ferelden, Friendship, Gaslighting, Head Injury, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Justice Happens, Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Lovers To Enemies, M/M, Mages and Templars, Major Canon Diverge, Modern Character in Thedas, Multi, Music, Not Canon Compliant, Original Character-centric, Panic Attacks, Parallels, Past Abuse, Pining, Possession, Public Masturbation, Public Sex, Self-Discovery, Sex, Smoking, Social Justice, Speech Disorders, Spirits Are People Too!, The Fade, Trans Elf Character, Weird Plot Shit, Worldbuilding, unreliable narrators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:43:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 43
Words: 182,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12806868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vykyll/pseuds/Vykyll
Summary: "Alex Knight, your description does you no justice. Much more handsome in person, and younger looking too," she walked further into the room, "A pleasure to meet you."He took her hand when she offered it, frowning, "What description? And from who?""Ahh, that would be telling," she grinned tapping her nose, "A bard never reveals the hand she's been played."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A young person, Alex, is somehow reborn in Thedas. It was 1999 when they... died?  But thats not all that happened to them...They falling in love (Several times), get hurt (A lot), going through dark times with everyone, having more friends then they've ever had before ... and end up changing everything around them.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Some NSFW bits (Will mark chapters with that, don't you worry!)Starts in 9:33 Dragon till 9:37. But has Varric doing his whole interlude thing in 9:40 to Cassandra.(Changed the name of the story, looks like its going to be a series!)





	1. Prologue - Liar Liar Book's On Fire.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter names are based on music from the 90's, except Varric's interludes. (My canon, my story, my rules. I shook it up baby!)
> 
> Completely rewritten with help from my awesome family, and my fandangled twisted mind. I hope you enjoy reading the journey of Alex, as much as I have enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Please read tags. This isn't always a happy story, okay.

**9:40 Dragon - The Hawke Mansion.**  
  
"Start talking dwarf, I hear your good at that!"  
  
Varric flinches as the book hit's him square in the chest, then bounces down into his lap. He knows this wasn't the real story but the Seeker was seething in-front of him. He's always been a good liar, always been a good spinner of yarn's and deception, but shit, he needed to spill his guts (Metaphorically speaking, he hopes) to leave with his life.  
  
Varric sighs and opens the book, the first page held the portrait's of all his friend's and he touches each one reverently, "What do you want to know?" he asks the woman.  
  
"I want the truth," she shout's driving a dagger into the portrait's, making him flinch again lifting the book off his lap. He looks up at her and notice's his real manuscript of the Tale and sighs out loudly dropping the book back into his lap.  
  
Maferath's balls, he was in deep shit and he bloody well knew it.  
  
She bends down to his face pulling the dagger free from the book, her eyes never leaving his, "Tell me the whole story, the truth. Because this," she tap's the book in his lap with her dagger, "is nothing but a deception. And this," she holds up the other thick manuscript, "some of it is in code. Why is that, dwarf?"  
  
Varric closes his eyes, his thumb still tracing the portrait's thinking about the best way to escape with his life. There was no way out of it now, not after what happened, not after the real truth was revealed. There was already a bounty on his head, on all their head's, he sighs once more opening his eyes at the Seeker, "I didn't write all of it, Seeker. They did."  
  
Cassandra sneered her lip as she looked down at the dwarf aiming her dagger at him, "And why did you leave it out, dwarf? How many more lies will you spew to protect them all?"  
  
"Because the truth is sometimes stranger then fiction," he mutters looking back down at the fake Tale. Maferath's fucking dick, he knew he shouldn't of published the lies, he knew it would catch up to him eventually, and well, it caught him and he was doomed.  
  
"Enough bullshit stalling dwarf, I want the truth. What does this say?"  
  
"It's not as easy as that, trust me. Are you sure you want the truth, Seeker? Because I know Maker damn well no-one else will. Guarantee it!" he spat out at her.  
  
Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose and sits down opposite him, "Then tell me what happened when you first found them, then go from there," she says quietly.  
  
Varric grinned at her sitting back in the chair, steepling his finger's over his lap, "It was just another day on the Wounded Coast-"


	2. Climbatize.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello world.

**9:33 Dragon - Drakonis.**

"Why am I doing this again?"

"Because, Killer," Varric chuckled at his friend, "your the one who wanted to 'Find the pretty flowers and have a jaunty walk!'"

Hawke groaned out loud dragging his staff behind him, "Don't bloody quote me you bloody arse! Bloody hell."

"Hawke, do you really need me along? I have a clinic to run. And Justice is moaning again."

"I do not moan, mage!"

"YES YOU BLOODY DO! Makers sake. You complained the entire way up here," Anders stopped and shook his head at the man, "And you just complained you have sand in place th-"

"Silence."

Hawke rolled his eyes at Varric, snickering, "Just like a married couple," he said rather loudly with a hand over his mouth to Varric, earning a growl from Justice, and a snort from Anders.

"Just because me and you got separated, doesn't mean you can moan at me the entire way up here, you insufferable arse!"

"Do not test me, mage! All it took was that, that Emporium place. Pah," Justice stormed off ahead of them, clenching his fists by his side.

"Andraste's fucking tits, Justice. That was almost two months ago!"

"SILENCE!"

Hawke rolled his eyes again, dragging his staff once more behind him. He really, really, ought to have kept his bloody mouth shut, asking bloody Solivitus if he needed shit done. Oh yeah, what joy, roam around the stupid sodding Coast on a FUCKING COLD DAY! Hawke threw his staff on the ground and stomped his foot, "I am so fucking done!"

He knew full well he was acting the child, but Maker fuck him hard, he was so done looking for some stupid flower for some stupid arse in the stupid Gallows. Hawke flung himself on the ground, arms and legs going everywhere, Anders face coming into view with his stupid eyebrow raised at him, "What?"

"How old are you again? Andraste's knickers, Hawke, your the one who dragged us up here," his fellow mage chuckled down at him offering his hand.

"Silence! Okay, not as good as stick-in-the-mud over there," Hawke waved his hand at Justice, then groaned running his hands over his face, "Fine, fine. Lets, just find this stupid flower then piss off. I need to find my damn brother as it is."

Anders helped him off the floor, then shoved his staff into his hands, "Child."

"Fuck off," Hawke snorted at him, "I'm bloody well twenty-six and you know it. If I wanna act like a child I will," he sniffed dragging his staff behind him again as he walked away.

Ugh, he really was done. He just wanted to go back to the Hanged Man and drink every bit of coin he made. Dammit, he still needed to save it up for this bloody deep roads. Maker take everything, he needed to save it. Fifty sodding sovereigns, plus an extra ten incase of emergencies. After all this time, still hadn't collected enough yet. THEN he had to hide it all from his drunken fucking uncle sodding Gamlen. And then there was his fucking brother-

"Ugh, fuck my damn life. What else can go wrong, huh?" he muttered to absolutely no-one.

Of course no-one was around him, he went the wrong bloody way. Oh of course he did. Poxy stupid bloody Wounded Coast and its stupid poxy winding-

A low rumbling sound made him frown, looking around himself to where the noise was coming from. Not a sound he's ever heard before, nor the smell. Maker, the smell was really bad, like really rotten eggs. Hawke pulled his sleeve down his arm and covered his nose and mouth at the smell. Maker it was disgusting.  
  
He spotted black smoke pluming where the loud noise was coming from. Shit, he needed the rest of them before he goes headlong into trouble again. Hawke looked behind himself, and swore out loud at the multiple paths. He had no idea which way he came. FUCK!  
  
"Um, Varric? Anders? Justice?" Yeah, shout you idiot. Maker knows whats down there!  
  
A loud crack from one of the paths made him flinch, gripping his staff tight in his hand as the crashing came closer. Well, shit. I done fucked up didn't I.

"Hawke? What are doi- What is that smell? And that noise?" Justice barreled out the thicket with his eyebrow raised up at him.

Hawke sighed out in relief and waved his hand at the direction behind him, "Buggered if I know. Where's everyone else... never mind there they are."

"Killer what you do now?"

Hawke shook his head at the dwarf, "I didn't do shit, I just found it. Maker, the smell, the sound. You know what it is Var? Anders? Justice obviously don't know shit."

Both dwarf and mage shook their heads, both of them covering their own faces up. Justice on the other hand huffed out in annoyance, storming right to where everything was emanating from. That bloody poxy spirit has no idea of self preservation. Fucking stupid poxy Black Emporium-

"Anders, I believe you are going to be needed. There is, somebody and something down there," Justice pointed, "What is that thing?"

Hawke walked up slowly to the edge of the cliff and looked down. Holy, fucking, shit, there was somebody down there, and... something he has never seen before in his life. Black smoke came from small pipes in the back of a huge white... thing. Things that looked like wheels spun furiously, something that looked like a door spewed out boxes everywhere, but there was someone laying practically under it all.

"Makers breath. What, the actual fuck," Hawke muttered then coughed at the black smoke, "Where'd this come from? Was this here before?" So many questions, no bloody answers climbing down the ridge, holding Anders arm as they both go down the side. Varric stayed on the ridge heaving and coughing, Justice was just flinging boxes and metal pieces out the way from the person laying under it all.

"We would of seen this coming from Kirkwall, Hawke. Definitely wasn't here an hour ago," Anders wrinkled his nose up heaving too, "I've never seen anything like this. Oh Maker, theres... two bodies here."

"Mage, this one is still alive," Justice just frowned moving the last box away, "His clothes... they appear to be none that I have seen before."

The man knelt down picking something up on a chain, then picked what looked like a pack, frowning even more, "There, is music coming from this boy."

"Move! MOVE DAMMIT Justice, Makers sake!"

Hawke felt real uneasy about all this, looking about himself before joining Anders to help him out. Not here an hour ago and then he just happened to find it. The fuck is going on?

"Oh sweet Maker," Anders gasped out as two eyes looked up at them, and Hawke gasped too. Maker, his eyes were the same colour as the fade. But none of this shit was fade shit. There was no magic anywhere when he felt around, no demons, nothing. But Justice was right, there was music or something like music coming from him. From earmuffs? Huh.

The boy shuddered then groaned, trying to move.

"Maker, stop trying to move," Anders muttered at the boy, then hissed through his teeth running his hand through his hair snapping the tie, "I don't know what happened to you, but your badly hurt. There's something in your stomach, your leg's and arm's are broken, your face... Shit, Hawke, we need to get him back to my clinic!"

"And how we gonna do that, Anders," Hawke snarked out.

"We can make something from all this," Justice waved his hands around him still holding the pack, putting the thing on the chain into it, "Make a litter. Would be simple to do with your help Hawke."

And so, himself and the most annoying infuriating spirit he has even know started to make a litter out of all the, junk? Metal? Maker he had no idea what any of this is. Even the writing on the side of the huge white noisy stinky thing was a little foreign to him, same with the boxes too. Wait no, he recognised a few words on the boxes. Music. Music what? Hawke frowned at it, then jumped as Justice pushed him out the way, "The fuck!"

"You are taking too long, Hawke, I can do this myself. Take the boys pack, and those things over there, give them to Varric then help Anders."

Hawke ground his teeth at the man. He HATED being told what to do, and then being ordered by, by JUSTICE of all people just pissed him off even more. He snatched the pack from the mans hands and stomped off over to the items Justice waved at, shoving them all into the pack. Maker, who ever this boy is, well not a boy, but still, who ever he is under all that blood, bruises and hair, was really fucking good looking. Like, really good looking.

Shit, Isabela's gonna pounce on the poor kid when she finds out.

* * *

 

"More blanket's would be nice though."

"Well, I have a few to spare, Anders. But Maker man, stop trying to heal every idiot that comes in here!"

Anders scoffs at Lirene as she stands there with her arm's crossed, "Yes, well, not all of them are idiot's." He waves his hand over to his newest patient then shakes his head, "Maker knows what happened to him."

Lirene wrinkle's her nose then sighs as she looks over at the new patient, "Yeah alright. But still, not all the sodding refugee's are that Anders. Their just trying to get on yer good side for free healing."

She shakes her head again then moves to leave, "I'll bring those blanket's over later, alright. And food. And Luv, do be careful."

"Ugh, fine. Food too," Anders chuckles as he busies himself around the clinic organising cabinet's and shelves for the next day. He needed more bloody Elfroot, spindleweed, Maker almost everything.

He walked over to his desk pulling the draw open, taking out the now very light coin purse and curses under his breath. Even with doing odd job's with the Hawke's, he still didn't have enough money to buy everything he needed. _'Maker'_ he thinks to himself _'can't believe its been over a year and a half, hope I did the right thing with the maps.'_

Justice was puttering around in the back of the clinic as usual, which, thank the Maker, kept the man out of his hair. Two months the damn spirit had his own body now, and he was just as annoying now, as he was in Anders and back at the Keep. Their... relationship was strained at the best of time's, let alone right now.

A groan come from his newest patient and he wiped his hand's down his tunic as he walked over to the cot and looked down. Maker, he was gorgeous who ever he was, and his eyes the colour of the fade, were stunning when he briefly saw them.

Anders knelt down next to him and put his hand out, letting out a small healing pulse making sure there was nothing he missed in the week this man had been here. _'Boy'_ Anders reminded himself, _'Maker I feel like a perverted old man looking at him.'_

"Vere ine? vo arr yoo?"

Anders raised an eyebrow at the young man. The void? He's never heard a language like that.

"Keep still. Your still badly hurt. Do you understand me?"

The boy frowned and blinked a few times at him, "Vere ine? Vere Dallin?"

The boy tried to move but Anders shook his head, holding out his hand at him, "No," Anders said out slowly, "Stay still," he waved a hand at himself then to the boy, "You are hurt. You need to stay here so I can heal you."

"Heal? Yoo doctori? Tis no hositali! Vere ine! Vere ine telne now!"

Anders had to pin the boy down when he struggled, then got smacked in the face as a fist hit him hard, sending him sprawling onto his backside. Maker he could pack a punch even being hurt as he is.

"VERE INE! TELNE NOW! VY voice differ? The fuck?"

OH Anders understood some of that as the boy flung himself backwards off the cot, practically yelling at him waving a hand over his body then back at him. Tears streamed down the boys face, as he stood there clutching his stomach, "I no mani! Vy I mani? Vat yoo me? Vat yoo Dallin! Vy I mani!"

Justice came charging out the back room with his sword, making Anders grown out loud. The poor boy was scared stiff without bloody Justice adding to the mix, "Maker Justice, put that fucking thing away," he hissed, "he's just scared."

Justice lowered his sword and frowned at the boy, "Anders, do you know what he is saying? I have never heard language like that before, not even in the fade."

Anders shrugged getting up off the floor, brushing the dirt from his tatty trousers, "I can understand some, like fuck," he snorted, "and voice differ?" he looked over at the boy shaking against the wall, "Hey, hey, it's alright, we're not going to hurt you. Okay."

"Vere ine, please vere ine. Vere Dallin, vere ist mai things?" the boy shuddered again and slipped down the wall, sobbing into his hands, "Ist prisoner? Vy keep here? Vy I mani, vy mai body differ?"

"Body differ? Look, I don't know your name, okay," Anders walked over slowly holding his hands out in what he hoped was a peaceful gesture, "We found you, trapped under something we have never seen before. There," he swallowed as he knelt down, "was somebody else there. He's," Anders pointed to the covered cot near the back of the clinic, "over there. He's dead."

"Tactfully put Anders. Scare the boy even more," Justice huffed out slamming his sword down on the desk, "Hmm, did he say things?" Justice frowned looking to his private area, then nodded, "I believe I know what he means."

Justice darted off into his room, leaving Anders to try and calm the sobbing boy down. Andraste's flaming knickers, he wished he understood the sobbing boy. They had no name for him, they had no bloody name for the thing they found him under either. Shit, this entire thing was well beyond anything he's ever learned back in the tower, even back at Vigil's. Anders tapped his chin when he sat down, "My name," he said slowly pointing to himself, "is Anders. He, is Justice. What is," he points at the boy, "your name?"

He looked up at Anders, eyes rimmed in red as tears rolled down his face, and chocked out, "Alex. Ist Alex."

"Hello Alex. I know this is all scary and I'm sorry. But you need," Anders pointed to the cot and tapped it, "to come back up here. You are still hurt, Alex."

"Doctori?"

Anders frowned, Doctori? "I'm a healer, see," he held out his hand and let his healing swirl around in it, to which, Alex just screamed at trying to back away even more into the wall.

"Okay, okay calm down. Oh Maker," Anders ran his hand down his face. "Its magic alright. It's not going to hurt you."

"No, no, majikcal. Ist no real! Caane real! Ist NO REAL!"

"Of course magics real," Anders spat at Alex only to have the boy flinch, "Shit. Sorry, look it's real, and this, is not going to hurt you. I heal with it, I healed you with it. Still trying to heal though."

"Alex, are these your things?" Justice put the pack on the cot and pointed at it.

"Yes. Mai things. Vy ami mani, I ist no mani, I ist woman."

"Er, I understood that. Your not a woman, your a man. A boy I should say, Alex, near twenty as far as I can tell," Anders frowned at the boys confusion, "You are a man, not a woman."

Oh this was a mess is Alex thinks he's a woman. Anders helps the boy to stand and sighs feeling him shake in his hand, "It's alright. We'll figure this all out, okay. Me, you, Justice, the Hawkes, everyone. Going to take sometime because we can barely understand you."

Maker, why did he have to be gorgeous looking. His eyes, his long hair, his- nope Anders wasn't a perverted old man when he helps Alex onto the cot. Ugh, okay, maybe a little when he sneaked a peak when his helpers undressed him the week prior, catching sight of a LOT of tattoos before he healed him. Then there was the odd T-shaped thing in Alex's gut he had to get out. Anders had no idea what that was, probably wont if he couldn't understand him.

"I, died. I ist noo that. I died but ami, live? How? Vy ami mani no woman?"

"You... died? Maker, are you sure?" Anders felt a twinge go through him when Alex nods at him. Well... shit.

"Your not dead now, Alex. You are very much alive, and a young man," Justice rumbled out, "Not a woman. I-"

"ANDERS, you free?" Oh wonderful, Hawke.

"Does it look like I'm free? Andraste's fucking tits Hawke, he's been freaking out," Anders pushed away from the cot to Hawke, "he thinks he's a she. Maker, he just said he died for fucks sake!"

Anders dragged the other man away when he started to talk to Alex, "No don't, you wont understand what he say's, trust me on that. His language, I've never heard it before. But he sounds Ferelden with the dialect. Look, he, also freaked out when I showed him my healing."

"Fuck's sake Anders. Didn't you check his head or something?"

Anders wrinkle's his nose then sighs, "Yes, I did. Still swelling of his brain that should go down in a month or two. I hope. And he's not a she, confusion I think. He's at least nineteen or twenty from what I can tell. Hawke," Anders turns towards his friend and sighs again shaking his head, "he doesn't think magic is real either. I think he was asking for Dallin, who I think is dead over there."

Hawke frowns then looks behind himself, "You don't suppose," he looks back at his fellow mage, "he's a demon do you? Or, I don't know something like," he waves his hand at Anders, "Justice?"

Anders shakes his head pinching the bridge of his nose, "I highly doubt it. Justice would of had a fit if he was."

"Well, well, aren't you pretty." Oh... shit!

"Isabela, don't!" this was all they need.

"But he's so pretty! I mean look at him. Bet you have a nice set under that ratty shit smelling shirt, pup. Need Auntie Isabela to look after you?"

Anders pinched the bridge of his nose more as Isabela purred twirling her hair around her finger at Alex, trying her damnedest to lean onto the poor boy.

"Rivaini, I don't think the boy needs that kind of looking after," Varric says chuckling at her as he walks towards the confused boy, and bows in a flourish "Varric Tethras at your service."

"I ist Alex. Vy many people? Yoo sure I ist no prisoner, Anders? Tis morn lik hostal tan hositali."

"Oh pup, you have a gorgeous deep voice. No, sweetheart your not a prisoner. And this is a clinic, a rather shitty clinic, but still..."

"WAIT! You can understand him?"

Isabela smiled and dipped her head, "Of course I can. Not that hard to figure out, Sparklefingers. Just have to listen, which your obviously not doing, neither of you," she glared at them pointing her finger, "I've seen this shit before with my men on the ship. Head wounds and the likes. And I thought you were a healer, Anders. Makers breath."

"Isabela, ist nami? Nice rack," Alex chuckled pointing to her cleavage, "Ist vater tan mine, vas. I differ body now. I deen stani vat ist haneen, I died."

"Different body huh? What like fat, thin? Give a girl a hint here, pup."

"No woman. I vas woman, no mani. I deen standi vy differ."

Isabela raised an eyebrow and slowly looked over at Anders, "He, was a she? But I thought you lot..." she turned back to Alex, "I don't know, pup. We don't know what happened to you at all, well, this lot don't," Isabela rolled her eyes and motioned with her head at them, "and you died too. We'll sort this out, trust Auntie Isabela, pup!"

"Fenris," the elf nod's walking forward from the shadow's to Hawke, "take Izzy with you back to the hanged man, bring some fucking food and shit down here for all of them." Fenris narrows his eyes slightly, his finger's twitching as he looks at Alex, "Hawke, I do not believe we should trust that... thing," he says waving his hand at Alex.

"Fenris, not now." Hawke shakes his head as he's looking at Alex again. Anders sighs out loud when Hawke sneers back at the elf, "Fenris, just do as I fucking ask!" Fenris thins his lip and storm's out dragging Isabela with him, "But, we're-" the rest of her word's where cut off as they walk out the clinic.

"Varric-" Hawke starts but the dwarf put up his hand, "No need to tell me Killer. I'll get right on it." Varric hop's of the cot and scurries out as well, leaving Anders, Alex and Hawke staring at each other. Justice had buggered off somewhere, not that Anders minded. Damn spirit.

"Well then," Hawke smiled at Alex, "I'm Hawke, Maurevar Hawke."

"Birdy," Alex muttered, flopping backwards on the cot, curing up.

"No Hawke, as in- Oh, yeah alright, birdy. Anyway, I think you could do with more rest."

Hawke nod's and tilts his head looking at the man laying on the cot.

His brothers going to love this shit when he finds him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title based on the tune from The Prodigy. Song title- Climbatize.  
> https://youtu.be/bHeVIFF-Yk8


	3. Nothing Else Matters.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex tries to cope.

**9:33 Dragon - Cloudreach.**  
  
Alex had never felt more alone then she, he, it did now. What the fuck was she, he now? Alex had no idea when he, she looked down at himself. Okay, she was a he now with forty-five years of knowledge running through him of being a her. A young he. Of all the things, Alex was now younger, a lot younger. How'd this all happen, how did any of this happen?  
  
No, Alex died, he knows that. Died thanks to the fucking lorry plowing him over on his, her-  
  
_'Birthday. Forty-fifth birthday and that was my present,'_ he thinks to himself.  
  
And what a damn present that was. Made a change from the year previous of being handed the divorce papers a second time on his, her birthday. And didn't that sting more then anything, married twice, handing divorce papers twenty years apart. Kick in the fucking teeth. And now, Alex sat with his, her... nope, this was too confusing.  
  
But still didn't explain why he was sitting here, in a dingy looking shithole of a place that was supposedly a clinic of some kind. And then all the people around him, talking, trying to understand him. And least the big busted woman understood him. Fucks sake.  
  
_'Fucking lorry,'_ Alex spat on the floor, _'Piece of shit ruining my life. Just like everything else thats ever fucking happened with me.'_  
  
Why was he talking internally to himself? Oh yeah thats right, not like anyone else was going to understand half the crap that poured from his stupid mouth.  
  
Alex sighed looking about himself, at least his pack was still there with his smokes and Walkman, and... the papers. But none of it explained where the hell he was, how he got here, why he was here and "Vy ist mani? No mak ani sense."  
  
"Alex?"  
  
Oh great, thats all he needed, she needed, WHATEVER! The one who waved the sword at him earlier. And, here come the waterworks, thats just brilliant.  
  
"Ist kay," Alex mutters out through his hands, "I no standi vat haneen, vat go on. No lik yoo standi vat I ist speek."  
  
What was his name again? Justin? Something like that.  
  
"You need to eat, Alex. You haven't eaten since yesterday. Anders is sleeping, I can give you food."  
  
Alex frowned at the man through his fingers. Food, yeah he was hungry, he didn't care if the ragged other man was sleeping. Fucking hell.  
  
"Justin vas ist nami? Ist hunger suppos," Alex sighed dropping his hands from his face, then wiped his eyes on the... grotty looking shirt. Yuk. "But, I no kno vere I ist. Vere is Dallin? Ist... died?"  
  
The other man tilted his head at Alex, "Justice is my name, not Justin. Though I do like Justin," the man nodded then shook his head, "You are in Kirkwall. And, perhaps the man other there, is Dallin."  
  
The man pointed to the covered, er, what the fuck is it? Is that what he's laying on too, oh for fucks sake!  
  
Alex blinked a few times looking at the bed thing, the blooded cover over a body. Well.. shit. He slowly stood up, and wobbled. Bloody hell do his legs hurt something rotten as he made his way over to the body. If that was Dallin... then shit.  
  
Justice put out a hand to Alex, "I am sorry, but he is dead. Is he Dallin?" he pulled back the cover slowly, and Alex's stomach flipped at the face and shook his head.  
  
"No, no Dallin. Tis arsehole vo died me. Fucking bastard. Oh vait ami NO DIED!" Alex shouted waving his hands about in frustration, blood rushing though his ear feeling the prick of tears in his, her, WHATEVER, eyes, "Vy me? Vat I do?"  
  
Bile rose up in the back of his throat and retched right next to the bloody dead body. His hand touched the other mans dead hand and retched even more, collapsing to the floor. He was stuck in his own body, a woman stuck in a young mans body, her own body, and retched everywhere again.  
  
"Calm Alex."  
  
He shook his head as the blood rushed more through it. Everything hurt, everything. His head, his body, everything on him hurt. Panic was starting to set in, panic and the bloody thought of being here on his, her own. No-one was going to find him, no-one. Alex felt his body tip, his hands shaking madly as he tried to stand, but did no good when he fainted backwards.

* * *

  
  
It was night when Alex woke up again, and grit his teeth hard. He needed to piss badly, but had absolutely no idea how to handle the thing between his leg's. He rubs his face as his sits upright and groan's slightly.  
  
His head swam a little due to not eating or drinking, but going for a piss was top priority right now, food and drink can wait till later.  
  
He looks about himself and sighs as he sees the chamber pot tucked under one of the ratty bed's, "Bugger," he mutters to himself as he tries to stand.  
  
His leg's felt like jelly, his arm's shook slightly as he pushed himself off the cot he was on, and his sodding stomach still hurt thanks to the bloody faint and vomiting he had, earlier? yesterday? whenever.  
  
Alex wrinkle's his nose as he brings the chamber pot out from under the other bed then stares at it, his hand's clenching and unclenching deciding the best way to deal with, his, ugh, cock. He pulls the pants away from his waist and looks down at it then balks, _'Couldn't of given me something, oh I don't know, easier to handle?'_ he thinks to himself as he looks at it, biting his lip.  
  
He shook his head and closed his eyes as he pulled his pants down to a reasonable height before taking himself in hand. Alex almost moaned at the feeling and cursed himself, looking behind him to where the other two apparently slept. He swallowed as he looked back down at himself and aimed, hoping for the love of everything it went into the small fucking pot.  
  
His eyes almost crossed at the feeling, it was, like nothing he felt before, and he was only going to a piss for fuck's sake. He put his hand out on the column next to the ratty bed and lent on it, relieving himself fully, biting his lip. There's no way in hell it should feel this good, how on earth do men do it without, well, doing other things?  
  
And of course he missed half the pot and cursed himself again for not paying attention.  
  
Him, he wasn't a she anymore, she was a he, in a different place, with magic and apparently elves! All those thing's were just fairytale, all of them. But here he was apparently in a place where they existed, he wondered what else existed.  
  
_'Dragon's,'_ he grins as he puts himself away, _'Oh there'd better be fucking dragon's.'_  
  
He looks behind himself again at the back of this clinic, frowning slightly before looking about himself to clean up the mess he made, _'Not like it matter's in this shit-hole,'_ he thinks as he picks up his old clothes.  
  
Alex wonder's who dressed him then blanches at the thought of someone else touching him while he was out for the count. He wrings the pair of pants in his hand grinding his teeth, _'Better of not been you, sewer rat,'_ he thinks as he drop's them on the floor letting them soak up the liquid. Not like his clothes would fit him anymore, judging by the rip marks in the jeans. Fuck. At least his hoodie was still fine. And thank every bloody thing there was for that!  
  
A basin of water sits near another ratty bed on the other side of the clinic. Alex sighs slightly as he walks over to the basin about to put his hand's in when he sees his reflection, distorted but a reflection none the less.  
  
His eyes go wide as he's about to run his hand over his face then stop's remembering he had to wash them before doing anything. He stick's his hand's in the water as he looks about himself more then spying a broken mirror near the rear of the clinic. He wipes his hand's on his shirt and walks over slowly at the mirror straining to see his reflection against the night.  
  
Alex stands there gob-smacked as he looks at his darkened reflection: his hair looked longer then before, a mop but longer. His face was angular but no facial hair, just smooth skin. He still had his old tattoos going down his arms and on his back when he turned around lifting the shirt higher. Fuck, if this was her being a man, she wanted to bend herself over. He, still had the piercings, the long wolf tooth was still in his left ear and he frowned a little at it. Dallin's last birthday present to her. Cunt.  
  
He moves back from the mirror slightly, Alex had one hell of a smooth hairfree chest. His waist narrowed slightly down to his hips almost making a damn arrow to the front package, but his shoulders where broad. He was still a little bit chunky, no-where as bad as before but he looked to be the same height, six foot. Was always tall for a woman in the 90's, not like it mattered right now standing in-front of the mirror.  
  
Alex chuckled slightly as he admired himself in it, _'More like a god rather then a mere lowly peasant. If only I was born this way to begin with.'_  
  
And it hit him like a thunderbolt: he died and came back, given a second chance at life in a different place, a different time, a different body (Though normally when you come back your born not fully formed) and he let's the shirt drop back over his chest.  
  
"Secon cha-chanse vat?" he says out loud then remembered where he was.  
  
"Do you always think so loud at night, Alex? Or just here?" the man Anders glared from behind him in the mirror, "Makers sake."  
  
A what now? Maker, who the fuck was that?  
  
"Sorry," Alex muttered stepping away from the mirror, looking down at his feet, "I jus vant haneen, ist all," as if sewer rat was going to understand a damn word he said.  
  
Anders huffed at Alex and tapped his shoulder, "You need food Alex. You have to eat, for fucks sake."  
  
"I kno, but ist mai died me? Vat... oh-"  
  
There was cheese, bread and what looked like meat sitting on a table, with a jug of water. Okay, he knew what all that was. Alex's stomach rumbled out in the clinic making him blush profusely at it while he sat down in the chair. Yup, not embarrassing at all.  
  
"I heard that, Alex," Anders chuckled out at him pushing over a plate full of food, "Eat, you'll starve otherwise."  
  
Alex shrugged picking up a piece of cheese and sniffed it. Smelt really nice, a bit stale, but nice, then bit into it. Cheddar bloody cheese! Oh my god, its cheddar!  
  
Alex hummed taking a huge bite out of it, earning another chuckle from the other man. Alex narrowed his eyes slightly and put the whole lot in his mouth at once, sitting there like a chipmunk he saw once in the US, and grinned, "Fucking chedda."  
  
"Makers breath, try chewing before swallowing."  
  
"Ist alwas swallow," Alex grinned out even more before shoving a slice of bread in there too.  
  
Anders went wide eyed at Alex, and sputtered a little, "Andraste's tits, you just can't say things like that!"  
  
Alex shrugged at the other man, "Lik I care. I deen elong here, vere var here ist. Kirkwall, otter mani sid, rite? Vere ist in England, ist tha?"  
  
"Where is, er, england? What is it? Yes, this is Kirkwall. In the Free Marches."  
  
Alex's heart sank. This man didn't know what or where England was. The hell. And where the fuck was this Free Marches, and Kirkwall for that matter. He felt the colour drain from his face, his stomach knot again looking down at his hands. He needed a map, or a phone, something. Wait, how the hell can he call his own mother sounding like a man. SHIT!  
  
"Alex, its alright. It'll be fine."  
  
Alex shook his head feeling the blood rush through his ears again. This isn't fine, he wasn't going to be fine. None of this was fine. None of this was right at all! Panic ran through him again as he pushed away from the table, none of this was right. This has to be a dream, right. It has to be! This isn't real! He just wanted to go home.  
  
"Majikcal ist no real. Elf no real. No of tis, ist fucking real. I, I no real..." and there he goes again, shaking as he backed away from Anders, tears streaming down his face "ist no real."  
  
His heart pounded hard in his chest, everything sounded loud in his ears, his breathing, his footfalls, Anders shuffling feet coming closer. Oh god, go away, please just go away, "Leve mai lone. Please! Oh God..."  
  
His mind swam feeling his knees hit the ground hard, hands bracing him as he panted out heavily. Alex was going to be sick again, he just knew it. But none of this was real, none of this. Even his own voice sounded so wrong. Oh God.  
  
Anders was talking to him again, but he couldn't hear over the rushing sounds in his ears, in his brain. And felt the world black out once more.

* * *

  
**9:33 Dragon - Bloomingtide.**  
  
He feels like he's been here forever, stuck behind all these walls, curling up on the shitty bed trying hard not to cry. He couldn't find his Walkman anywhere, not in his pack, not on any of the tables, and shit did he miss it. Was the only thing that kept him sane when things went to shit, and Alex needed it now more then ever. At least his hoodie still fit his frame. But still, he really wanted to listen to music.  
  
So instead, he found his way up to one of the windows to look out of, and wished he didn't. Dirty, murky water lapped up against the side of the building, huge statues adorned the whole waterway, faces hidden behind hands. God were they depressing to look at. And the huge chains rattling over head didn't exactly help him sleep either. Alex has never seen anything like it.  
  
He put his head on his knees when he brought them up, wrapping his arms around them as much as he could, and sobbed into them. He thinks hes been here for a few weeks, but time seemed to not matter, not when you curl up into a ball and stare at nothing while you try not to cry. Didn't help people came into this clinic all hours of the day, Anders the sewer rat healing each and every single one of them before collapsing into his own bed. Or the other man, arguing with Anders about shit.  
  
Anders called him an insufferable arse of a spirit. What the fuck did that mean?  
  
Alex shook his head on his knees trying to draw them up closer to his chest. The sound of the water not even remotely soothing him as more tears fell. His own voice still frustrated him, sounding like a dumb child with a mouth full of peanut butter.  
  
"Alex? How did you get up there?" Ahh and there was Justice talking to him.  
  
"I clim. Vas vay see out ther," he mumbled out on his legs, looking the other way.  
  
"You need to get down and eat. You have not done that since three days ago."  
  
"Deen care. No hunger."  
  
Now what was the other man doing? A loud crash and wood hitting the floor, scraping sounds then a huff right next to him nearly made Alex fall out the windows, "You need to get down, boy, and eat. I will not tolerate this foolishness!"  
  
Who the FUCK did this man think he was?  
  
"Go, way. No hunger," Alex glared at Justice, "Leev me lone. I no FUCKING BOI!"  
  
Justice huffed out glaring back at him, then sighed slumping his shoulders, "You think you are the only one trying to cope with all this," he waves his free hand about, "You are most certainly not. You need to come down and eat, and so do I apparently. This, is all new for me too."  
  
Er, what now? Alex blinked his eyes a few times at the older man, and sighed himself. Yeah okay he did need to eat, and bathe. God he must fucking stink.  
  
"Kay. I down. Ist hunger," Alex shrugged then wrinkled his nose up, "Can leev yet?"  
  
"Tomorrow."  
  
OH fucking finally! Alex nodded, and made his own way down from the tall window. He wondered if the rest of this, Kirkwall, was just as depressing as the statues. He'll find out soon enough, wont he.  
  
The same fare of food sat on the table, as usual. Was there nothing else to eat? Alex frowned sitting down, running his fingers over a piece of cheese, resting his head on his arm on the table. Justice came out from his so called room and held out his hands.  
  
Oh... what the...  
  
"I do not know what this is, but it had music in it, Alex."  
  
"Mai Walkman!" YES YES YES! "Vy doo hav?"  
  
"A, Walkman? We have never seen anything like this here. Nor music such as what was coming from it. How does it work?" Justice sat down opposite Alex pushing the thing over.  
  
Alex immediately pushed the eject button, opening it up and sighed out in relief one of his Cd's was still in there. Some his favourite pieces of music on one thing. Better then bloody cassettes any day. He put the lid back down and pressed play, and sighed out again, closing his eyes at Metallica playing 'Nothing Else Matters' through the headphones.  
  
"Mai favourite," Alex smiled out, "Meen lot me. Musica meen lot me."  
  
"The words hold a lot of meaning, I understand. Is this what your people sound like?" Justice asked him.  
  
"Yes. I, brokeh." Yup he was broken alright. Broken and utterly fucked when he opened his eyes to see Justice looking back at him intently. Alex frowned at him, "Vat?"  
  
"You are not broken, Alex."  
  
"Ist brokeh. Voice differ, body differ, brain differ. Ist brokeh, no fix me."  
  
And now he was back to being sad again, putting his head on his arm as the music played through the headphones. Sad, and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title based on the tune from Metallica. Song title- Nothing Else Matters.  
> https://youtu.be/tAGnKpE4NCI


	4. Insomnia.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex leaves the clinic at last, and ends up at the Hanged Man instead.

**9:33 Dragon - Bloomingtide.**  
  
Anders puttered around in his private room looking for clothing to fit Alex. He knows he definitely had clothes that would fit the other man, boy. Maker, Alex is a boy. Anders shook his head going through the donated clothing.  
  
He left Alex sitting at his writing desk, the other man looking out the window, twiddling one of the feather's that came from Anders coat when he shrugged it on. Alex thought the thing was weird, he thinks Alex said weird, but didn't stop him pulling out one of the feather's making Anders glare at him.  
  
Anders heard the clinic door open and he sighed to himself, wondering if it was more patient's or 'A' Hawke.  
  
"Where's my favourite healer?" That Hawke then.  
  
"Be out in a moment Hawke, looking for clothes for the brat."  
  
"Ist no brat!"  
  
Justice huffed out too, "Enough, mage."  
  
Hawke rolled his eyes shaking his head, "Right okay, whatever. Varric has a room for you at the hanged man, mate. You'll be near to Isabela though, so I really hope you don't mind the sound of a pirate fucking half of Kirkwall coming through the wall's."  
  
"Oh thank yoo. Deen vant tha in mai head, Birdy."  
  
Anders huff's out a laugh then crow's as he finally finds some pants for Alex. He shoves the rest of the clothes away in the trunk then grabs the black shirt and boot's he managed to find as well.  
  
Hawke was chuckling slightly as Anders emerged from his private room, "Yeah, she's like that. Been like that since I've fucking known her for, er, a year or two now? She means well though. Sooo, don't mind her coming onto you constantly, it's how she is."  
  
Alex wrinkles his nose up as he chews on the end of the feather, "Vat next, drakon peepl. OH Please telne tis fucking drakon here!" he says as his leg's bounce up and down under the desk, making it rattle.  
  
"HA! Yeah actually there are dragon's, quiet a few of them flying around. This age is called dragon age for a reason. Maker, what I wouldn't give to shape-shift into a dragon."  
  
Hawke's eyes glaze over with a small smirk playing across his face thinking about being a dragon, being like Flemeth. He coughs before shaking himself out of his stupor then crosses his arm's looking at Anders face, "What?"  
  
"Nothing, absolutely nothing, Hawke."  
  
Anders plonks the clothes on the rattling desk shaking his head at both of them, "Your both mad. Anyway, these should fit you and I would appreciate it for the other's back."  
  
"Yoo drees me?"  
  
"Well, I mostly had help from my helper's."  
  
"VAT! I knew ist!" Alex glares at Anders as he pushes the seat back grabbing the bundle of clothing on the desk, "No lik peepl drees me I deen know!"  
  
"Well how the bloody void else were we going to get your clothes off? You where unconscious for fuck's sake!"  
  
Hawke shook his head at the two men as they round on each other, "Just go get fucking dressed Alex. And Anders mate, next time, maybe no touching huh."  
  
Alex pushed past Anders to go to the private area while Anders ground his teeth at Hawke, "Maker's breath seriously. I didn't- Ugh whatever."  
  
Anders flop's down at his desk then pulls his draw open pulling the coin purse out again, gripping it tight in his hand, "I need more ingredient's," he mutters before slamming the draw shut again.  
  
"Anders, mate, I don't think your going to buy anything with a few copper's. Lucky for you I got an errand to run, so, money!" Hawke grins out at his friend.  
  
"I hav moneis, but I deen think help here. Ist papar," Alex calls out from the other room.  
  
"Paper money? Didn't even know there was such a thing. Huh, I wonder..." Hawke thinks as he slowly walks towards the clinic door pulling it open again, "Hey Varric, do you know anything about paper money?"  
  
"A what now? There's no such thing as paper money. Though... that would actually be a brilliant sodding idea!" Varric walks over to Hawke his finger tapping his chin, nodding, "Yeah, I can see that. Heheh, especially if we, oh I don't know, make money from money."  
  
Hawke grins at his friend, "Ask Alex for his paper money then."  
  
Anders eyes go a little wide as he watches Alex walk up to Hawke, and swallows. The boy, looked absolutely sinful in the shirt, and the pant's... Maker he was in serious trouble now if he was looking at the younger man like a piece of meat.  
  
He could hear Hawke talking to Alex and Varric, but his own mind was going nine to the dozen. No, he couldn't and wouldn't do anything, it's not who he is anymore, not with Justice hanging around being insufferable. Anders looked down at his hand's then closed his eyes, he really wasn't THAT kind of man anymore.  
  
"Can has. Ist phone I ceen call fro?"  
  
Everyone looks at Alex funny. The Maker is a phone? Anders frowned looking at Alex, "A what now?"  
  
Alex put his thumb and little finger against his ear and mouth, "Phone. Call peepl vit. I ist find vere I ist."  
  
"Menace, I have no idea what your talking about. Will a carrier Raven work?" Varric asked the boy.  
  
Oh, the look on on Alex's face spoke volumes when he pales again. Anders has never felt more sorry for someone then he does now, the boy then rings the shirt between his hands looking down at the ground.  
  
"I'm guessing thats a no then. Menace, come on," Varric shoves Alex's pack into Justice's hand and led Alex out of the clinic, "You too Grim."  
  
"Dwarf, I do hate it when you call me that!"  
  
"-ders, hello?"  
  
Anders blinked a couple of time's then looked up at Hawke, "Sorry, thinking about the thing's I need," he lied.  
  
"Right, sure. Anyway, get your shit together and let's make some money. Oh, Fenris and my brother are coming with."  
  
Anders groaned at the thought of doing anything with that sodding Tevinter elf, let alone Hawke's bloody brother...  
  
"Sure, let's go save the day."

* * *

  
  
Alex stood outside the Hanged man looking up at the swaying sign then chuckled, "Telne, yoo hang mani here? Or vat?"  
  
"Yeah they did. Hung them by their feet till they starved. Not the most glamorous way to die."  
  
"Oh, hope drunk efor hung. Ottevise, bloody hell..."  
  
Varric chuckled as he opened the door letting Alex in first, "The Elf said the same thing."  
  
Alex frowned and looked down at the dwarf, "Vo?"  
  
"Ahh yeah right, you've only met him briefly. He's the elf with the white hair and tattoo's."  
  
Alex nodded as he followed Varric up some stair's, he chanced a look about himself and smiled. This, actually felt like home for some reason, just like the part's of the city he saw coming through. Going past the foundry smelt like old tannery he remembers, the smell of fresh and going bad meat, it all reminded him of home in some strange way.  
  
Varric opened another door and waved Alex in grinning, "Welcome to my palatial suite."  
  
Alex barked out a laugh going through the door then stopped as he saw the finely carved stone table and chair's. He walked slowly over to the chair in-front of him ignoring the slight squeal at the table and ran his hand over the stone. It felt warm to the touch, well worn but warm.  
  
"Oh he's rather pretty isn't he!"  
  
"Yes he is kitten, yes he is."  
  
Alex blinked a few time's then looked to his left. Isabela sat there with her arm around a slight of a woman, another elf, and both of them were smiling sweetly at him as they lent on one another.  
  
"Ello Izzy," Alex says as he sits down looking at both the women, nodding to them. Justice just glared at them both as he sits down heavily.  
  
Isabela leans forward exposing more of her cleavage pulling the other woman with her, "My my, so formal, pup. This is kitten, or as chest hair over there calls her, Daisy."  
  
"I'm Merrill actually," the little elf says blushing at Alex, "but... you can call me whatever you like," she says biting her lip blushing more.  
  
Oh, what the fuck was going on here? Alex hid his face behind his hands, "Vy me?" he mutters out behind them. Justice just growled out making Alex flinch a little at the sound.  
  
"Slutton, witch, do not!"  
  
"Oh shush stick-in-the-mud."  
  
Merrill frowns as she tilts her head to the side, "Why you what? Your very handsome and have a nice deep voice."  
  
Alex scoffs behind his hand's before removing them looking at Merrill, "Ist use woman, Merrill. Ugh, fuck me," he says as he slumps in the chair, "Ist compl- compli-"  
  
"Complicated, Alex. Is that the word?"  
  
Alex put his hands down sharply on the table and nodded at Justice.  
  
"Mmm, was that an offer sweetthing, because I wou-"  
  
"RIVAINI! No, leave him alone," Varric chastises Isabela as he puts a mug and a set of key's down in-front of Alex, before walking around the table pointing his finger at the over-sexed woman, "you keep it in your pants."  
  
"But, Isabela doesn't wear any, Varric."  
  
"I know Daisy, it's just a saying."  
  
Alex shakes his head at everyone before pulling the mug towards him, it smelt like... ale? He picks it up and gulps down half the mug in one go, wiping his mouth with his sleeve then grimace's, "Tast lik piss."  
  
"Alex I do not think you should be drinking. Being inebriated as you-"  
  
"Justice, shut up. He can drink all he wants. Isn't that right, pup," Isabela laughs as she sits back in the chair again pulling Merrill on to her lap, wrapping her arm's around the smaller woman, "Better then most thing's around here. Try the whiskey next time, sweetthing, it'll put hair on your chest."  
  
"No," Alex snorted out, "No hair."  
  
"Oh, do tell, don't make me quiver with... anticipation," Isabela bites her lip looking at Alex hungrily, "Mmm, bet it's smooth as a babies behind."  
  
"ENOUGH! Slutton, you will desist with your, whoring."  
  
"Oh poo. Ruin all my fun."  
  
"Rivaini, what you consider fun and what I consider fun are ten different thing's."  
  
"Is it really ten different thing's?" Merrill asks looking perplexed between everyone, making Varric laugh, "No Daisy, well maybe no. I never know with Rivaini."  
  
Isabela cackles behind Merrill making the elf bounce in her lap.  
  
Alex has no idea what to make of any of this. He's never really had friends before, and never had anyone look out for him, her, let alone all these people doing so. Overwhelming was the word he was feeling right now. Coming through the city was nice enough, but he didn't recognise any of it. And the clothes people wore, like something out of the middle ages, but yet, Victorian too. And armour, like what Justice is wearing, not the leather stuff he wore a few days prior.  
  
God, everything was still too much.  
  
"How lon I be here? I no dea." He really needed to know exactly how long he's been here.  
  
"Almost two months, Menace. Do, you really have no idea?" Varric asked him.  
  
"No." Alex felt sad all over again. Almost two fucking months stuck down in the damn shitty looking clinic, healing. Should of taken months if not years for everything to heal on him, and Anders apparently did most of that in a few weeks. It was just Alex's mind that was broken now, along with having a different body. He still didn't know how to cope with that either.  
  
He ignored the talking around him to open his back pack, rummaging around inside for a fucking smoke. God, he really needed one, and thank everything he still had a full carton at the bottom, as well as a full package of batteries for his Walkman and a few open packs of Marlboro's. His packs of gum, the final divorce papers, his wallet... WALLET!  
  
Alex dumped everything out on the table, searching through everything for the wallet, and grinned when he found it putting a cigarette in his mouth. His found the lighter and lit it, earning a gasp around the table and looked at everyone looking at him. Why, was everyone looking at the lighter?  
  
"Ist for smoke. Ist need one."  
  
"Er, pup, whats that your holding? How'd you make a damn flame come out of it?"  
  
"I jus sai, Ist for smoke. A, lita," he flicked the small wheel and everyones eyes bug out, "Yoo... no hav litas?"  
  
Varric raised an eyebrow and dug around in his coat, pulling out what looked like, matches, "We got these, Menace. Same thing it seems. Sorry, kid, all your shits kinda weird to us."  
  
Alex mouthed an _'O'_ and took a long damn drag from the smoke, and sighed out loud feeling it rush through his blood. He kept the smoke in the side of his mouth opening his wallet, ignoring everyone again pulling out money, tipping coins out on the table, and the pictures he kept tucked in there. Now, wasn't that fucking odd, looking at yourself as an older woman, arm around your former husband while you sit there, as a younger man. Teeth, kick, in the.  
  
"Who's that?" Isabela muttered in his ear as she lent over his shoulder to look, "OH..."  
  
"Ist me. Vas me. No woman now ist I? See, same," he pointed at the tattoos on her arms, then to his arms, then to the hair, "Same. Ist me!"  
  
"Pup, what about the ones on her sides? Are those the same?" Isabela frowned at him taking another picture from the table turning it around in her hand.  
  
"Yes, same. I no show, Ist pri- priv-"  
  
"Private," Justice supplied looking at another picture, "How is this even possible for a mortal to be one sex, then come back as another? It can happen in the fade, but should not happen here."  
  
The what now? Mortal? What the fuck was going on now? Alex was even more confused flicking the ash from his smoke into the disgusting mug of ale. Bleh, he's had far better from bathtubs.  
  
"Everything about Menace doesn't make sense, Grim. Look where we found him and that thing he was trapped under. Red wants that shit gone, but I think we should take him to see it soon. Whadya say, Menace, wanna see where we found you?"  
  
Alex frowned then nodded, "Yes. Vat ist fade? Vy mort- mortal? I deen standi?"  
  
"Pup, its where we go to dream. Mages can go in and out of there all the time. Don't you dream?"  
  
"In head," he taps, "no go place fade. Vat ist though? Ist confu- confusing."  
  
Okay, that did it when everyone stared at him again. What the fuck was with this place being so, damn, weird. He needed to go lay down or something, this was getting a little too much.  
  
"Ist vere sleep, I, tired," he muttered shoving everything back into his bag, everything but the wrought iron key in his hand. His smoke was still in the corner of his mouth when he stood and groaned "Shit," as ash went everywhere then dropped it in the mug.  
  
"I will show you Alex. You need to bathe too." Yes thanks Justice, I know I smell. I need a hair cut too.  
  
So, the older man shows him to the room away from Varric's room, which, was right next door. Handy! Justice takes the key from Alex's hand, opening the door and waved him inside, "At least you are next to the dwarf. Alex," the older man huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, "You have never heard of the fade, or of elves, or magic. Is where you come from truly devoid of such things?"  
  
"Yes?" Alex still didn't understand half of what was going on. Eh, lest they where all in the same boat when they all looked at his shit, "Ist no real vere I from. Tales, all. No fade, ist still no standi."  
  
The older man huffed even more, looking just as confused as Alex is. Then he shook his head dropping his arms, "I shall leave you be. You know where the dwarf is, and the slutton," he pointed to the room one over, opposite his, "is there. Anders may come to see you, make sure you are well."  
  
"Vill yoo?" Alex mumbles out looking down at the ground.  
  
"Will I what?"  
  
"See me?" he just didn't want to be completely alone in this new world.  
  
Justice's eyes go a little wide, and, was that a quirk of a smile? Hard to tell on the stern lantern jawed face of the man, "Of course, Alex. If that is your wish."  
  
Alex smiles at him and nods, "Yes. I bath now. Thank yoo, thank Varr- Var, me to."  
  
"I will." And Justice turned and left him there. Left him standing there in the middle of the room, alone. No, Alex needed to bathe and clean everything on him, and find someone to cut the fucking mop of hair on his head. Just, didn't feel right having it all there.  
  
Well, the room was nice, he supposed looking about himself shutting the door for privacy. A nice large bed, better then the thing he was laying on for almost two months. Alex lets out a puffed breath dropping his back pack onto the bed, then tipped everything out of it again. He'd go through all that after his bath, which, thank God, there was one in here and taps. Well, least somethings don't change. No toilet that he's seen so far, he'd have to ask Varric if there was such a thing.  
  
A bowl and jug full of water sat on one table, a mirror behind it. Another table for writing and eating, several chairs dotted about the room, two huge rugs and a nice fireplace, already stoked and roaring. Yeah, okay, this was definitely a lot nicer then the shit-hole he was living in near his mother. Her mother. His mother. Yup, still not getting used to that.  
  
Alex ran the taps on the bath, holding a hand under what he assumed was hot water, and sighed feeling the warmth come from it. He wondered if all the rooms were this nice, but the whole pub looked like a dive, a dive he could happily stay in if that was the case. He walked over to the mirror, looking into it, at himself staring back. God, he really did make a pretty man, boy. Fuck, twenty-five bloody years younger.  
  
Going to have to live everything again, experience new experiences, learn how to fucking well wank. Alex chuckled pulling the front of his pants away from him, looking down at his cock, oh, that was going to be fun to try out. He then wondered if he would be attracted to women, or would he still like men. Alex shrugged taking off the borrowed shirt, admiring his slightly less chunkiness now in the mirror, running a hand down his chest to his stomach, faintly tracing the tattoos. Shit, feels like centuries since Alex got them, but was an act of defiance several years previous. On his arms, his legs, back, chest, his sides, even his piercings were sticking his fingers up in the face of everyone.  
  
Was the 90's, he thinks to himself. Was... shit. 1999 he died, didn't even get to see the new millennium. But what was the year now? Alex shook his head dropping his pants, kicking out of them before stepping into the half way full bath tub. He lost a little weight not eating much down in the sewers. God seriously, the healer set up shop in the most shitty of places Alex has ever seen, helping any and all who came through the broken doors.  
  
Nope, bathe Alex. Scrub that body clean, boy. Ugh, this... is just too good right now.  
  
Alex moaned out loud slipping under the water so his hair got wet too. Far too good. So good, his damned cock twitched. Oh... my... god, that feels good too. Nope, not yet. Clean your skin Alex, then your hair, deal with wanking some other time.

* * *

  
  
Insomnia grabbed him as he tried to sleep. Insomnia and loneliness. And hunger apparently when his stomach decided it wanted to be known too. But was it to late to go and find something to eat, he doubted anyone would be manning the pub this time of night.  
  
Alex looked out one of the windows, looking at the moons. God, this place had two fucking moons, TWO! Beautiful, was all he could think laying there in his back looking at them. This, was most definitely not earth if this place had two moons. A different planet? Galaxy? He had no idea.  
  
He clicked on his Walkman, skipping ahead to 'Insomnia' by Faithless, and watched the moons go across the sky. Ideal tune for how he was feeling right now. What was happening.  
  
And he waited...  
  
And waited...  
  
Synth drop, GOD, shivers every fucking time. Alex chuckled looking up at the ceiling, he loved his bass, but he loved his metal too. But this place had neither. He wondered what kind of music there was here. Maybe Irish style, medieval? God this was still too weird for him.  
  
Was that Birdy talking in Varric's room? Ahh he should get up if theres people around. The voices were pretty loud when he left his room, infact the pub was still awake. GOOD, he could bloody well get some food! Alex peaked around Varric's door, and listened.  
  
"Well that was a complete and utter bullshit errand," Hawke rumbles as he sits down heavily at Varric's table, "but at least we got seven sov's out of it!"  
  
"Hawke, the bloody Qunari died, and that chantry bitch played us. No amount of mon-"  
  
"Anders, not now alright. Here," Hawke slides over Anders cut making the other mage screw up his face, "What? You wanted money right, just fucking take it."  
  
Anders shook his head but acquiesced in taking the money.  
  
"So, bad deal gone worse?" Varric asked from his bedroom.  
  
"Worse. Some Sister Petrice tricked us into taking a fucking Saarebas out the city and of course we get jumped by more Qunari on the Wounded Coast. The Saarebas killed him self, and apparently dear sister Petrice wanted us dead along with it." Hawke ground his teeth as he stared into his tankard, "So yeah, bad deal gone worse then tit's up. If I ever see that sister again, Maker help her."  
  
"Hawke, I really don't think threatening to do harm to a sister of the chantry will help you any," Fenris mutters before drawing a large gulp of something straight from the bottle.  
  
"The fuck do I care. Chantry can sit on it all I give a fuck."  
  
Anders snorts out a laugh at his friend as he puts his money away, then picks up a small mug of cider, "So where's Alex?" he asks quietly at Varric.  
  
"In his room, hiding," Varric muttered, "Said he was tired. Me, I just think the kids shit scared. He still hasn't eaten yet."  
  
"Makers breath." Anders stood from his seat, "I'll go buy the brat food, for sucks sake. He's lost weight as it is."  
  
Hawke barked out laugh at him, "Say's the skinniest shit I've ever known!"  
  
Alex snorted at the doorway making everyone around the table look at him. He... blushed then put up his hand, "Sorry."  
  
"Menace, there you are. You alright there kid? Hungry yet?"  
  
Alex nodded at Varric pulling his headphones from his ears, "Litle bit. Anders ist right, too skinni, both," he waves a hand between them and snorts again, "Vas fat, no more." He then glares at Anders, "Ist no brat!"  
  
"Makers breath. Yes you are Alex. Just," Anders heaved out a sigh at him, "sit down. Anyone else want anything?"  
  
"On my tab, Blondie! And yeah, order shit for everyone here."  
  
Alex tilted his head at Varric and frowned, sitting down near the elf, "Yoo give nix nami all?"  
  
"Yeah I do. Everyone gets one. You wanna know why your Menace?" Varric asked him to which Alex just nodded, "Maferath's balls, you nearly got the Hawke's into trouble, all of us when we found you. The guard wanted to throw you first into prison, then the Gallows. Well, 'A' guard I should say. Aveline."  
  
"Oh? I no meen troble. I no vant prison. Vy though?"  
  
The white haired elf, Fenris? Just sniffed loudly slamming his bottle down on the table, "Because you came from no-where. Because she thought you were a mage. We don't know what you are, all we and I know, your a demon like the mages leashed pet!"  
  
"Ist no deamon. No real, deamons," is that what they all think when they look at him, that he came from hell? Well, fuck, "Ist no fro hell! I fro England."  
  
"And where is that, hmm? Never heard of such a place. And what about all that," Fenris waved a hand at his headphones then to all of him, sneering, "Where are you really from, Demon!"  
  
Alex's eyes go wide looking at everyone, shaking his head. How can he make them understand he's not a demon, or whatever they think he is! Blood rushed through his ears, covering his face with his hands as the table erupted into an argument. He was so hungry but all this shit was killing him just as much. Tears streamed down his face when a hand clasped his shoulder, making him nearly jump out of his chair.  
  
"Come on Alex, lets leaves these arsehole's to it. Food's coming, Okay." Anders, "OH and Fenris, he's no fucking demon, Justice would of killed him you dick! So get off your damn high horse for once, huh."  
  
He felt numb getting out of the chair, but by God, he needed to eat, and followed Anders to his room. Why? Why did this have to happen to him. Alex sat on his bed putting his head in his hands again, even with all these people around, he felt so alone.  
  
"Hey, it's alright. Don't mind the grumpiest elf known to Thedas, he's just not really into mages, and magic, spirits, demons, well everything to do with what I am," Anders sits next to him, "The Hawkes and Varric will stick up for you. So will the most insufferable spirit known to man. And the two horniest woman too."  
  
Alex nodded his head mutely, still numb inside. Everything was numb. He sighed letting his hands drop from his face to between his legs, "I too brokeh. No beliv me ist no deamon. Mai head hurt much, all hurt. Ist too much for me, all."  
  
"I know. Justice felt the same way for a while when he came here. And then getting his own body after almost two years of being inside me. He, still gets confused about things." Er, what? Okay, that... was just as fucked up as he was.  
  
"Insid yoo? Lik luvas? I no standi..."  
  
"WHAT! Maker no. Nothing like that," Anders runs a hand through his hair, "Okay, guess I shouldn't really of said anything yet about that. You've got enough to deal with. Look, you really should eat no matter how you feel, okay. We can try and talk some other time, will that be alright?"  
  
Great, fine, whatever. "Kay. Ist fine." Anders got up at the knock at the door, letting the barmaid in so she could put the tray of food on the table, slipped her a coin and smiled sadly at Alex before leaving.  
  
Fuck this shit. Hunger be damned. He just wanted answers, to be normal again, no chance of that any more. Is there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title based on the tune from Faithless. Song title- Insomnia.  
> Original - https://youtu.be/P8JEm4d6Wu4  
> Extended version - https://youtu.be/ZHVJVQzHv5Q


	5. Bitter Sweet Symphony.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day out times two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony - https://youtu.be/1lyu1KKwC74

**9:33 Dragon - Bloomingtide.**  
  
His bloody legs ached walking through Kirkwall. God, just reminded him of his home, Canterbury, with its damned streets, winding this way and that. He loved Canterbury before he moved to the states to be with the first husband, only to be divorced after less then five years, being kicked out of his own home. Her own home, he should say. Then finding love not a year later with another man back in England, marring after the divorce, only to be divorced near twenty years later by the bald fuck.  
  
He decided that he would never, ever do any of that ever again. Fuck marriage, fuck all that bullshit baggage. Never love again, because, you know, men. And now look, he's a damn man of twentyish.  
  
But still, his legs hurt going through the gates of the city, following the sandy path with Birdy, Varric, Fenris, (Oh yay for having him along) and Justice. Everyone else was too busy, and apparently, Justice was getting under Anders feet again. Alex kept taking sideways glances at the older man, trying to figure out what the fuck the sewer rat was on about.

What did Anders mean that Justice was inside him? For Fenris to call him a demon too? Didn't look like one from where Alex was walking.  
  
He shrugged looking up the sandy path, letting out a breath, "Ist far, Birdy?"  
  
"Yeah, quite a bit mate."  
  
Well fuck. If his legs hurt now, he was going to be dead on them by the time they get there then. He, wasn't exactly fit as it was, what with not eating much, then gorging on the food Anders got him a few days ago, and whatever Varric put in-front of him. Alex prodded his belly, feeling no bounce back like there used to be and sighed out again.  
  
"Do not fret, Alex. Your doing well for someone who was in your position."  
  
Well, that made him frown a little at Justice then lets out another sigh shrugging with his arms, "Ist fucked up, Justin."  
  
That earned a chuckle from Birdy, "Justin, huh? Damn Alex, you giving us nicknames too like shortarse there?"  
  
"HEY! I resemble that remark!"  
  
Alex blushed from under his hood, "No memba hist nami, called him Justin. Yoo ist just Birdy so I memba."  
  
"Dammit, and here I was hoping you'd call Fenris something cool, like tats or-"  
  
"Kat," Alex chuckled out, "Ist lik grumpy Kat." He looked behind himself to the white haired elf glaring at him, "Yoo ist Kat. Fen meen bog, yoo ist no bog, yoo ist Kat."  
  
Fenris just growled low in his throat at him. Okay, wrong thing to say. "Sorry. No Kat," and looked forward again.  
  
Alex puffed out his cheeks then blew out the air from them, rubbing his stomach, as he always has done when things never went Alex's way. Even after all this time, he still did it out of memories. Would never get out of that habit it seems when he rubs it again. Bad enough Anders had to do minor surgery on him to remove the fucking IUD lodged in his gut. Alex had to explain to him what it was, as best he could. Which didn't exactly go too well, until Isabela clodded the man on the back of the head telling him, _'He said it was to stop him, or her, from getting pregnant, Sparklefingers!'_  
  
God bless the big busted woman and her ways. She made Alex smile with her attitude, and then theres Merrill, who was a sweet little button.  
  
He still didn't know who the Maker nor Andraste was though. He'll figure it out eventually.  
  
"Alex," Oh Justice was talking to him, "Do you not have your, Walkman, with you? I wish to listen to more of the music from within." Huh, okay then.  
  
"Ist here," he pointed to his back pack, "Hold." He shucked the pack from his back and opened it, pulling out a pack of smokes, his lighter and the Walkman. He handed the CD player to Justice and pointed, "Buton, here. Prees to play musica. Put tis on," he held out the headphones to the man, "ears," he tapped.  
  
Justice wrinkled his nose up putting the headphones on, and pressed the button Alex pointed at. Hmm, he knows the ideal song for the man to listen to. So he tapped Justice on the arm and held up a finger, and pressed skip several times till he heard the tell tale start of 'Bitter Sweet Symphony' by The Verve. Alex nodded in satisfaction and let the man listen to it at they walked.  
  
He closed his eyes listening too. Walking to the beat, mouthing the words to the song he knows far too well. Alex lights his cigarette with his eyes still closed, hearing the music in his skull just as much as the other man was. He can't change anymore, he was stuck in this mold. Ash fell the corner of his mouth the more he silently worded the song, and felt a tap on his shoulder, Justice tilting his head at him taking the headphones off his head, "I believe I understand. A very good piece of music, Alex."  
  
Alex felt his cheeks heat at that and dipped his head, hiding his face a little from Justice, "Ist good. Meen lot. Caane change mold, ist stuck in differ body."  
  
"Which is why I understand it. Thank you very much Alex."  
  
The man handed everything back to him sighing out deeply, "We have music where I am from, but none as deep as that. Your people have a true grasp on emotions, even through music."  
  
Okay, he wasn't expecting that. And yet more questions arose in him.  
  
"Demon, I suggest very much to cease your prattling. The Boy," did Fenris really spit that out, "is already in deep enough water without you adding to it."  
  
"I am no demon, elf. Of have you forgotten that?" Justice spat back.  
  
"Oh yes, not a demon his says. Venhedis, what did you do to all those Templars in the Chantry?" Fenris and Justice rounded on each other, height not withstanding, "Ripping them apart while you were in the mages body. With his bare hands no less. Kaffas, and you say you are no demon."  
  
"Er, Menace, come here," Varric dragged him away while Hawke just sighed out shaking his head.  
  
"They tranquiled his former lover, elf. They needed to be killed!" What the actual fuck is going on?  
  
"With bare hands. You even bit into one, demon, tearing flesh with your teeth. Savouring it," Fenris started to glow... Alex started to freak out at it. And then Justice started to glow. The taste of lightening shot across his tongue, Oh God, what the fuck is happening?  
  
Blood rushed through his ears backing away from the two glowing people, his heart pounding hard in his chest watching them round on each other, pulling swords and shit free. Oh God, oh fucking God.  
  
"STOP!"  
  
Okay who shouted that?  
  
Alex realised it was him when he said it again, "Stop. Please!" and shook backing away even more from them all. He wanted to be sick, none of this was real, or true, was it? Alex's mind swam, it swam as Fenris lowered his fucking huge sword looking at him. It swam even more when Justice looked at him, his eyes glowing blue. He couldn't take this shit any more when he turned his back on them to vomit onto the bush behind him. And there goes everything he's eaten this morning. Fan-fucking-tastic.  
  
"Hey mate, it's alright. Should of seen them a year ago, was fucking worse then this shit. But seriously you two, keep it fucking SHUT! He doesn't need this fucking shit!" Hawke yelled at the two men behind him, then patted his back, "Mate, if your a demon, you wouldn't be bloody sicking everywhere. Here, got some water."  
  
Alex nodded mutely taking the canteen and swilled out the taste of vomit from his mouth. He just wanted to go back to his room and hide. He didn't want to be here any more. But still, he needed to see the damn thing that killed him the first time. Alex handed the canteen back and sighed looking at him, "Ve need go."  
  
Hawke nodded taking his arm, guiding him away from everyone. Guiding him up a bank as the others tried talking to them both, but obviously Hawke was having none of it when he shook his head throwing his fingers up behind him. Alex's stomach bunched up again, making him rub it as usual, "Vy fite? Vy they glo. Ist neva seen lik."  
  
"Its complicated, mate. Trust me on that. Anyway, it's over that ridge, need to go up this fucking winding path. Maker's balls, I hate the Wounded Coast."  
  
Alex just frowned under his hood again. Everything is just so much more complicated here then it ever was back home. His legs still hurt from walking, but so does his head. Like a lot.  
  
"There, you see it. What the fuck is it?"  
  
Alex's eyes go wide looking at the lorry laying on its side, blood splattered everywhere, boxes strewn about. Holy fucking shit.  
  
"Lorry," he mutters looking down at it all, "Died me. I, died fro lorry. Hit me," Alex bit his lip kneeling down on the ground, "on birfdai. For-fort-" fucks sake he couldn't fucking say forty-five. So, he wrote it out in the sand, "Mai birfdai. Mai age efor I died."  
  
"Mate, your not forty-five. But fucking shit, none of this is making any sense including you. No offence, mate. A, lorry? Never seen anything like it. And whats it say on those boxes and that," Hawke waved his hand over everything.  
  
Alex squinted at the words and shrugged, "Musica sumthing. Caane read it. No, car here?"  
  
"Dunno what that is." A no then.  
  
"Animal, rite? Horse?"  
  
"Oh yeah, theres horses up here, not down south any more thanks to the blight. But yeah, theres horses. Is... that what a car is? Something you ride?"  
  
Alex nodded his head, "Lik lorry, insid ve rid. Birdy, I no want here more. Can leev now?"  
  
"You sure you don't want anything from down there? He- we might of left something behind, mate."  
  
"No," Alex stood up then walked away from the thing that changed his life.

* * *

  
  
**9:33 Dragon - Justinian.**  
  
Alex woke up to a heavy weight on his chest and sighed, "Izzy reely, gain?" as he opens his eyes to a face full of cleavage.  
  
Isabela chuckles on-top of him and leans back, "But pup, you looked ever so lonely in your bed," she jiggles her breast's at him before sliding off.  
  
"Ist too earli. Go way, Izzy!"  
  
"Nah ah pup. Market day, remember. Which means new clothes for your delicious self, and a hair cut!"  
  
Oh yeah, he forgot all about that. Both Isabela and Merrill promised to take him shopping and cut his damned fucking mop of a hair. Ugh, was that ever getting annoying trying to keep it out of his face. Why in the name of everything did he grow it so long when he was a she, he'd never know.  
  
"Fine," he mutters swinging his legs out of bed, and felt his bloody erection in his sleeping pants, "Yoo need stop tha. Fucks sake."  
  
"Oh pup, such a gorgeous sight right there," Isabela purrs then grins at him when he glares at him, "Gonna have to use it sometime pup. Because right now, the whole of you is wasted not doing a damned thing."  
  
"No." But in reality, he meant yes. God, he was so fucking lonely it hurt. Five years of no sex where Alex came from, he hasn't even played with himself yet. Ugh, she was right he did need to use it. Maybe later.  
  
A pair of pants and a shirt flew in his face, all the while Isabela cackled at him, going through the piss poor wardrobe he had full of just two shitty shirts and two pairs of pants. Ugh. Even his boots were borrowed from Anders. He needed underware too, shit he needed a lot.  
  
"Izzy out. Need drees."  
  
"Pffft, I wanna watch."  
  
"IZZY OUT!" Alex throws his pillow at the cackling Isabela as she dart's through the door, "Vy me?"  
  
Nope, this wasn't getting his day going. But his damn erection just, would, not, go down slipping out of his sleep pants, pinging up making him quietly moan at it. Fucking hell, not now. Later you insufferable cock you! Alex pulled on the other pants, tucking himself gently away in them, pulling the sleep shirt off for the other one. Hmm, he needed to start writing all this shit down.  
  
YES! He'd write everything down, and draw it if he still could. Alex wondered as he slipped on the ratty boots, if his fucked up speech would translate to writing, would it be just as shitty? Eh, he'd have to find out when he slipped his hoodie around his waist, tying it before putting on his back pack. He remembers when it was hard to tie the bloody hoodie around himself, now, not so much. Getting too skinny, thats what.  
  
"You ready pup?" he nodded his head at Isabela when he locked his door, then squealed as Merrill grabbed his other hand taking him through the pub.  
  
"Oh Lethallin, sorry."  
  
"Ist kay. No spectin tha," he really wasn't. Not when Isabela took his other hand, like girlfriends would. But their not girlfriends, just two rather good friends watching his back, with both of them teaching him how to wield a stave.  
  
Well, sort of. He nearly brained himself the first time using it, which pleased Anders no end going to his clinic with a bloody nose and a sheepish look on all their faces.  
  
Still too skinny though. Needed muscle, needed to tone himself up so he could protect himself in the shithole of a city. Or so both of them told him. Fuck me.  
  
Market day was buzzing with people, humans, elves, dwarves going about their day buying things. Always reminded him of the markets back home, people milling around, talking, buying, was really nice to be honest. Fresh fruit clawed in his nose along with fresh meat and, ew, fish. God he hated fish.  
  
The loud clang of smithies fixing things, which Alex loved to watch hours on end. The hammer striking with precision on metal. The white hot coals. Swords being made on order. All of it. Was like stepping back in time, but yet not at all. Da would of loved this, all of it. AND now Alex was back to being sad again.  
  
"Pup, here," something was thrusted into his hands from the pirate, and looked down. Holy fucking shit, leather pants. Seriously! All those laces down the side when he looked at them, down from the waist band to ankle, laces on the front as well. Okay, they, were pretty damn sexy when he held them out looking them over. He nodded to both of them, as another was pushed into his hands, the laced ones taken away. More leather.  
  
"Izzy... letha? All," he waved his hand at the stall, "Vant me in letha?"  
  
"Damn right pup. Will suit you when you buff out a little more," she grinned at him.  
  
Fucks sake. Alex nodded holding the other pants against him then pushed them into her waiting hands. She, had already paid for four pairs before he knew what hit him being dragged to another stall with shirts. OOooh, sleeveless ones, long ones, and is that...  
  
"Hood shirt," Alex grinned looking it over. Oh yeah. "Ceen hav hood shirt, an hem," he waved his hand, "I lik all!"  
  
"Good, because we already bought all the black ones. Now, we need a few pair of boots, pup." Isabela started to list off more things they'd be buying him. Damn the woman was good, even better then he was as a she.  
  
Hmm, he needed to find someone who sold journals or sketch books, something he could start writing everything down in. Isabela was still waving her hands out behind him, Merrill on the other hand raised an eyebrow, "Lethallin?"  
  
"Need sumthing to wri-wr," fuck this shit, "write in. Ist need puttin down. Vere can book?"  
  
"OH I know! Isabela, me and Alex will be down by the Alienage. We can get food down there too," the small woman grinned up at him.  
  
And then Merrill dragged him away from the Market in Lowtown, though the hustle and bustle of people buzzing around like flies, to a huge set of gates. Alex frowned at them as they passed, going down a set of steep steps. A huge tree came into view, and his jaw dropped at it.  
  
It, was beautiful. God was it beautiful with its painted trunk and candles around its base, green, red and yellow leaves. Alex swore the leaves moved on their own without any wind, but shit, the tree was huge, and stunning, and... "Tis beatful, Merrill. Remind of tree bak home. Huge," Alex raised his hand over his head, "tall as world. I lik tis tree."  
  
"Its called a vhenadahl, means 'Tree of the People.' The People meaning Elvhen, Lethallin."  
  
Alex nodded his head looking up at the tree with a slack jaw. God, was it beautiful.  
  
"Whats that fucking Shem doing here, Merrill?" Alex frowned looking to where the harsh voice came from.  
  
"He's my friend. And I'm helping him out!" Merrill spat back at an old looking elf.  
  
"Ist no troble. Ist ceen go," Alex putting his hands up.  
  
The older elf's eyes look him over then tilts his head at Alex, "Sorry, thought you were someone else. Any friend of Merrill is a friend of ours. We have a lot of trouble with Shem at the moment, I thought you were one of them. I am the Hahren of this Alienage, but you can call me Asden."  
  
"Ello Hah-Hahren Asden. Ist no speek well," Alex taps his head, "I brokeh. Tree, ist beatful, remind me home, litle."  
  
Asden smiles nodding his head, "Head injury, right? Yeah seen enough of that around here from the Shem, and to other Shem, you know. So don't worry about it. And thank you, been here a very long time, Da'len. Well, I should go, work, work, work," the man chuckled walking off.  
  
Well, that was, actually really nice. Alex highly doubt the other elves around here would be as nice, judging by some of the looks. Oh well.  
  
Merrill nudged his arm, handing over a rather heavy package and smiled up at him, "This should be enough, Lethallin. Even put some writing things in there for you."  
  
"Thank yoo, Merrill. Can eat now? Ist hunger."

* * *

  
  
Alex ran a hand over his hair, then promptly got it slapped away making him huff out. Feels like hours he's been sitting there having the mop washed and cut.

HOURS! and he's getting testy sitting there.  
  
The woman cutting it slapped his hand away again, clipping the back of his head with her hand, "Luv, you gotta sit still, I ain't done yet. Bah, young'uns I swear!"  
  
Okay, it has been hours since the three of them left this morning. Eating a huge lunch in the Alienage, then having tea at Merrill's after changing into some of his new clothing. God, the leather felt real nice on his skin, and the hooded shirt was soft too. The boots fitted nicely on his feet, which made him wonder if Isabela measured him while he slept. Wouldn't be surprised in the least, knowing what she was like.  
  
The chair tipped back again making Alex glare at the woman still cutting his hair, "Vas ness-necessary to do?"  
  
"Yes, 'cos I ain't done yet! Maker, you have so much hair, Luv. And good condition too."  
  
Alex rolled his eyes and huffed out again in annoyance, "Mak whig from ist then!"  
  
"What I'm gonna do," the woman chuckled.  
  
_'Fine'_ , Alex thought closing his eyes. Ugh, he hoped he didn't end up a bald bloody coot with the amount she was chopping off. Short he said, but who knows how short she's going to cut it, he wanted some hair left. Isabela and Merrill had taken all his stuff back to the pub with them, leaving him here all alone with the hairdresser. Not like he minded, he wasn't too far from the pub as it was.  
  
What was the womans name again? Lisa? Larry?  
  
"Vas ist nami gain?"  
  
"Lirene, Luv," the woman snorted, "Anders friend. Though ain't seen him for the past two months, but you have, seeing as yer with the slut and the little Dalish girl. Ugh and that Hawke. Maker, I told Anders not to involve himself with that man, but did he listen to me? Nope."  
  
"Vy?" Alex looked up at her frowning slightly.  
  
Lirene just scoffed pushing the chair back upright, "He's trouble. So's his Maker taken brother. His other friends though ain't so bad. And so are you, Luv. Such a cutie you are too!"  
  
Alex huffed out again, "Ist no cuti."  
  
"Beg to differ, Luv. If I was twenty years younger," she laughed snipping more hair away, "I saw you laying in his clinic a few months back, Luv. What happened?"  
  
How was he going to explain that to this woman who was fucking well flirting with him? Oh well... "Ist hard to splain. Birdy fond me on cost. Vas hurt bad. Saved me. All did."  
  
"Well your here now all that matters, Luv. Now," Lirene tilts Alex's head back and grins, "I'm done. Take a look." She waved her to another room in the shop and grinned even more.  
  
Alex acquiesced with a begrudging huff, shaking off the sheet that wrapped around him, his hair falling to the floor. Holy shit, thats... a lot of hair. He walked to the other room and spotted a mirror. Time to face the facts of having a bald head, he supposed. Alex closed his eyes before looking into the mirror and sighed opening them again. Well... fuck him hard up the arse!  
  
"Ist, reely good!" he grinned out, running a hand through his hair. God did it feel soft now. A few strands flopped down on his left side like a cheeky fringe, short on the other side, and turned his head to see at the back. Short too. Shit, this woman was fucking good at this, looked like something from back home when he shook his head, the strands skimming his left cheek, almost covering his left eye. Oh he loved it. Almost looked like Justine Frischmann's haircut, but more boyish!  
  
Alex turned around sharply and brought Lirene in for a hug, earning a shocked gasp then a chuckle when she returned it, "Ahh, guess you like it then."  
  
"YES! Ist reely good. Ima happi!"  
  
"All the better then, Luv. Makes you look even more cute now," she chuckled pushing him towards the door, "Such a pretty looking lad you are. Oh I bet you make all the girls cry."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up a little at that thought. He, hasn't exactly been looking at girls, women really. He's been too busy looking at all the men. Alex shook his head and smiled over his shoulder at Lirene, "Maibe," he grins.  
  
Lirene shooed him out the shop, and he just couldn't stop grinning, running a hand through his hair with a spring in his step. Felt so much better then it did with the fucking mop. Oh, and there goes a few girls smiling and winking at him. Holy shit, he's just had it cut and already everyones looking right at him. His arse hurt from sitting so long, and decided to just walk around looking at everything.  
  
Dusk was going to be setting soon, but he needed to stretch his legs before going back the pub. He had a few coins in his pocket, thanks to Isabela and Merrill slipping him a few when the pirate nicked some. Cheeky bitch. At least he could buy his own food tonight instead of Varric doing it, or everyone else.  
  
Alex sighed out shoving his hands in his pocket's, walking slowly through the now shut market of Lowtown. He, was sort of coping with everything, but not very well when he walks down the other side of the closed market. Depression grips him every now and then, but it has only been a couple of months. Not like he's a stranger to depression as it is, but seems to be worse now that he's here, with no mum to talk to. No younger brother to laugh and joke with. No family at all. All of it gone.  
  
Fuck.  
  
Alex leans on the railing looking down to the docks, and heaves a heavy sigh again. Yeah, there maybe friends here, even if two of them hate his fucking guts: Aveline and Fenris. Not that he minded, he still had the others. But still, no family.  
  
_No, not now. Don't start crying, need to go back to the pub Alex, before darkness falls and the bad people want to play with the pretty boy out alone._  
  
He pushes away from the railing, running a hand through his hair before pulling the hood of his shirt over his head. Oh was Isabela going to shit kittens when she sees his hair cut, they all will. Alex smirks under his hood pulling out his smokes and lights one, blowing out the smoke as he walked back to the pub. Not like he was the only one who smoked, Varric had his pipe, other patrons had pipes and roll-ups from what he saw. So his cigarette wasn't exactly unusual in the least.  
  
Alex dodged a drunkard going into the pub, the sound and smells filling him as he made his way up to Varric's, flicking the ash from his smoke with his tongue onto the floor. He could hear everyone behind the dwarfs door talking and laughing loudly, and sucked in a deep breath before pushing the door open.  
  
"Menace! Wondered where ya got to, kid," Varric grinned at him, "Got food. No, don't start!" Alex shook his head at the dwarf, making his way to his usual seat next to him.  
  
"Hav moneis, Varr. No need for tis!"  
  
Varric just snorted waving him off, going back to the conversation with Hawke, who was just staring at him as he sat. Well.. shit, seriously? Alex ignored it pulling over the food, stubbing his smoke out in the ashtray Varric set out for him. Bless the fucking dwarf.  
  
Alex looked from under his hood, shoving a forkful of food in his mouth and realised, everyone was looking at him. Conversations were still happening, but, everyone was looking at him, Isabela practically vibrated in her seat and grinned when he caught her eye.  
  
"Pup, show us your hair."  
  
He huffed, pulling his hood back, the cheeky fringe flopping down his cheek when he shook his head going back to eat. Several coughs and a few gasps ring out around the table, making Alex frown when he looked up at them all. Even Varric's eyes were skimming over it.  
  
"Vat?" he muttered around his fork.  
  
"Pup... your... oh Maker!" Isabela practically flopped onto Fenris fanning herself. Even the elf had wide eyes looking at him, a pink tinge going across his face and ears.  
  
"Well then," Birdy just muttered hiding behind his mug.  
  
Alex looked over at Anders and Justice. The former had his mouth open, his honey eyes skimming just as much as Varric's did. The latter on the other hand, just looked as impartial as ever looking at Alex.  
  
"Ist good, rite?" Alex smirked at them all, letting the fringe brush his cheek, "Remind me home, bit. I lik it."  
  
"Pup, it's more then good. Your such a pretty gorgeous man under all that hair you had. Auntie Izzy has your back if you get into trouble, sweetie!"  
  
Alex snorted shoving another forkful in his mouth. He was too hungry to deal with everyone staring at him at the moment.

* * *

 

 

(Quick n dirty photoshop of Alex)

 


	6. Karma Police.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An awkward conversation happens, Hawke does something stupid. And Alex gets his true first taste at what Kirkwall has to offer.

**9:33 Dragon - Kingsway.**  
  
"Hawke, the brothel? Why are we here again?"  
  
"Not now Justice."  
  
Yes, why are they here of all places. Why the fuck did Birdy bring him along to a whore house? Alex looked over the sign, then tilted his head looking at it more. Well, fuck him hard, thats a...  
  
Alex put a hand over his mouth and snickered at the sign of a pussy flower looking back at him. Brilliant, utterly brilliant. The Blooming Rose, perfect name for a whore house. The perfume and cologne, not so much when Birdy opened the door. Good fucking God was that over powering.  
  
"First time in a brothel, Menace?" Varric grinned up at him.  
  
"No. Brotha want go, so took him. An to gay bar," Alex smiled remembering all that, "was good. No sex, jus watch both us."  
  
"Damn Menace, don't let Rivaini hear that shit!"  
  
Alex shrugged pulling his hood away, looking at the half naked people about. Yup, somethings never do change. He lowered his head as they walked through the place, why the fuck did Birdy want him to come as well, was beyond him. Not like he could actually fight, the stupid stave nearly knocking his head off again when he practiced with Izzy. Bah, he was utter rubbish at it.  
  
"There, thats who we need," Hawke pointed to a rather good looking elf in another room, "Jethann. Should have information on Ninette. Alex mate, mind... um... waiting outside?"  
  
"I no mind, Birdy."  
  
"I will wait with you, Alex. If that is preferable, Hawke?" Justice nodded at him.  
  
"Sure, fine, whatever," Hawke waved him off going into the room with Varric.  
  
Alex lent against the wall, looking at everyone and everything there. People going to rooms together, laughing, joking. Half naked people milling about, smoke wafting up from cigars and pipes. Drinks flowing freely. God, he could do with a damn drink himself when he pulled his pack of Marlboro's out and lit one. All this reminded him of his baby brother, finding outfully if he was interested in men at all, only to find, no. His baby brother, who used to be his baby sister, buying binders so he could...  
  
Alex felt wet roll down his face and touched a finger to it. Tears. Fucking tears were rolling down his face remembering it all.  
  
"Alex, are you alright?"  
  
He jumped at Justice's voice, wiping the tears away from his face, "Fine."  
  
"Does not look fine to me, Alex. Perhaps we should leave and wait outside for Hawke."  
  
He just wanted to be left alone, not have the older man look at him like a child who dropped his fucking ice cream on the floor. Fuck it. Alex just shook his head looking down at the ground, his fringe brushing down his cheek, then shuddered when a finger tilted his head up under his chin. Justice searched his face frowning, "Outside," he muttered and took Alex's arm practically frog marching him out.  
  
"Leev me lone, Justin. Ist fine!" Alex wrinkled his nose when they got half way, pulling his arm free from him.  
  
"You do not look fine, Alex." Was... that concern from the most stoic person he's ever known? Did his voice practically whisper that? Alex shook his head again trying to go back to the room where Hawke was, only to have Justice's hand grasp his shoulder, his breath in his ear, "Outside, now."  
  
"I want lone. No need yoo tell me wat to do!" Alex spat pushing past him and barged outside throwing the burnt out smoke onto the ground, shoving his hands into his pockets to lean on the wall opposite the whore house.  
  
Fuck it all, he was outside anyway. The older man walking slowly over to him shaking his head, "What was that all about?"  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up again, looking away, "Nuthin. Ist nuthin, Justin. Leev me lone."  
  
"And let you wander around this city on your own? I think not. What," Justice pointed behind him, "was that all about?"  
  
He lowered his head looking down at the ground again, "Memries. Ist nuthin. Leev them be. Leev me be."  
  
Yup, he wanted to go curl up in his bed again and cry into his fucking pillow as usual. He didn't want to be here, waiting outside the fucking whore house, letting memories get to him. Missing his fucking brothers face when he smiled at him, with that stupid goofy grin he had. And now more tears rolled down his face at that. Perfect, just... oh...  
  
Justice brought him into a crushing hug, awkward, but a hug none the less. The other mans hands rubbing his back, sort off, what with Alex's backpack on and Justice's armour.  
  
"It'll be alright. Alex, you have friends you can talk too. Anders would listen, he's very good at that. Even if he doesn't listen to me, he will listen to you," the man murmured in Alex's hair, "I can listen also if you wish. I have his memories of things like this. It'll be alright."  
  
Alex choked back a sob at the... affection? He had no idea when his head rested on Justice's Beefcake chest. God he smelt just like... _Alex STOP IT!_  
  
"Thank yoo," he managed to say, trying hard not to think about how fucking nice the older man smelt. How old was he anyway? Forty? _No, stop it Alex. Thats enough._  
  
"It is no problem. I had no-one other then Anders try and help me. Everyone else was wary," Justice pulled back and looked down at him, he probably looks like a blubbering mess, and smiled. Oh well... fuck! The man actually smiled at Alex. A small one. A tiny quirk at the corner of his lip. But a sort of smile nonetheless.  
  
Alex felt his cheeks flush and wiped his wet bloody face, "I still no standi bout yoo Justin. Wy Kat call yoo deamon. Yoo no deamon."  
  
Justice lets Alex go fully and steps back a little, "I am a spirit. Fenris believes all my kind are demons, Alex. I come from the fade where I was made, my virtue is that of Justice, but Anders was twisting me into Vengeance. I still harbour some of that, but not as much as before. I, am not human, Alex. I am not elf nor dwarf, I am a spirit. Immortal if left alone where I was from."  
  
"A, god?" Alex blinked up at the man, who had his arms crossed over his bulky chest shaking his head slightly at him.  
  
"No. Though the Avvar think my kind to be that of Gods. But no, I am just a spirit of Justice. I did not come to this realm of my own free will, I was sent here by both accident and force near two year ago? perhaps more. Time confuses me here," Justice huffs and cocks his head at Alex, "So I know about being in a place that is, different. I had no desire to come here, but here I am. As you are."  
  
"But yoo spi-spit- fuck," Alex ground his teeth trying to get the word out, sucked in a deep breath and tried again, "spirit. I know spirit be differ. No like yoo. They ghost. They sc-scar- ugh... scare peepl. Deamon fro hell. No place ist wan to be."  
  
Justice cocked his head even more, looking over Alex's face. Okay, that, kind of reminded Alex of Anders with the way he was looking at him, "So you have spirits, but not. You have demons from, hell? I do not know what that is. Perhaps hell and the fade are the same thing? No, you just said spirits are ghosts, though, that can be true at times."  
  
"Sp-spirit wer peepl once, Justin. Still be suppos, jus no dea wat they do longa. Still no standi fade. Still no standi much here be honest," Alex shrugged.  
  
"You will. It does seem rather unfortunate where you are from, there is no such thing as magic, or of the races here," Justice stepped closer again, resting his hands on Alex's shoulders.  
  
Alex smiled sadly up at him, "Hav dwa-dwarf. No race, jus small peepl. Cusin was dwarf like Varric, reely funni. But no majikcal, maibe long go. Drakon though, I kne they be real!"  
  
"A lot of dragons around Alex," Justice waved his hand in the air, "Though do not be foolish as Hawke, wanting to pet one."  
  
"Ruin fun," Alex chuckled, "Wan pet one now."  
  
"I think not! But come, we should go back and wait for Hawke. He, has been a rather long time in there."  
  
Alex snorted knocking the older mans arm, "Varric as well."  
  
Justice just shook his head leading them back into the place. Ugh, the smell certainly didn't get any better the second time in. Alex lit up another smoke when he pulled his pack out, at least that shit takes the overly heady smell of perfume, bodies and sex. They both lent on the wall near the bar, be easier to spot both men if they came out of another room. Oh would he give Hawke a massive ribbing if he did. Varric, not so much.  
  
"Alex, what do you know of, attraction?"  
  
If he had a drink, the entire thing would of dropped on the floor or blew out his mouth when he looked at the older man.  
  
"Er, not best peepl to ask, Justin. Ist differ for all."  
  
"But," Justice frowned looking down at Alex, "how do you know? What does it feel like?"  
  
Oh, my fucking God, really? Alex bit his lip flicking the ash onto the floor, "In here," Alex tapped his chest, "I suppos yoo feel. Or between legs if mani," he chuckled, "But ist differ for all. Some mai like just woman, some mai like just man. Some mai like both. Ist, diff-diffi, ugh, differ for all."  
  
"I, understand. Anders tried to tell me also, but not in so many words. What about you? Are you not attracted to people? What about before?" Justice had lent back on the wall fully to face Alex.  
  
Well, this was... awkward.  
  
"I ist, suppos. Was men before, dunno bout now. Maibe? Who wan brokeh me? I wouldn't." Yeah he was being utterly honest there, he was so fucking broken he wasn't even trying to look for someone, even if it has been far to long since he, well she, had sex. Even if there were a LOT of very attractive people about in Kirkwall.  
  
"The people here, do not interest me remotely," Justice waved his hand around the room, "Too nude, too much like Isabela. But you are not broken Alex. There is nothing to fix about you. If this is how you are supposed to be, then embrace it," and there was the small quirk at the corner of his damned mouth again, and there goes Alex's cheeks heating up.  
  
He was about to retort when Hawke runs out of the room they left him in, with Varric in tow, both bright fucking red as they practically flew out the building. Alex shook his head as they both, followed them out.

* * *

  
Darktown, was not what he remembers coming out from here the few months back. Though truth be told, he was happy to get away from it, but here he was with Birdy, going to Anders and Justice's clinic. Alex had his stave on his back, 'Just incase, pup,' Isabela smiled at him before kissing his cheek. Yeah, he felt nothing in his pants at that. She was damn bloody gorgeous to look at, but not a damn thing stirred between his legs at that. Same with Merrill.  
  
He, was still most definitely into men. Though he did want to try and have a go with sleeping with a woman, just incase. Isabela was up for it. Might be awkward though if it didn't stir.  
  
"Hey, Anders, got a moment? We need an expert on, um," Hawke looked over his shoulder at Alex, "blood magic."  
  
"Makers fucking breath Hawke, shout it out why don't you!"  
  
Anders stormed through the clinic wearing just a tunic and loose pants, and slammed both his doors shut.  
  
"Ask Merrill on that shit, not me! Maker, now you got Justice riled up," the man waved at the back of the clinic at Justice curling his lip up.  
  
"Need him too. Need both of you to be honest. We, may have a problem," Hawke ran a hand through his jaw length hair to one side, letting it flop everywhere, then ran the hand over his chin still looking at Alex, "It's about... the Templars," he whispered out.  
  
"Why is Alex here? Do you think this is wise, Hawke?" Justice came out the back in his usual stance of having his arms crossed over his bulky chest. Damn beefcake.  
  
Hawke just shrugged, "No-one else wanted to fucking come. Not even Varric, not even fucking Merrill the expert on this shit. Alex was the only one, and well... he's gotta learn how to fight at some point."  
  
"AGAINST BLOOD MAGES! Makers fucking sake, Hawke, have you lost your bleedin' mind!" Anders flailed his arms, pacing. It, looked pretty funny to Alex.  
  
"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Anders. Isabela's been fucking teaching him, same with Merrill. Ma-Carver would, but he's fucked off again! So, think of this as a learning experience, ain't that right, mate."  
  
Alex had his head lowered looking at the ground from under his hood, and sighed a "Yes," out to them all.  
  
He, wasn't keen on dealing with anything with blood, let alone magic with the word blood in it. All he could think of were sacrifices, voodoo, hoodoo, and all that weird shit from back home.  
  
"You have completely and utterly lost your fucking mind Hawke. Of all the stupid hair brained thi-"  
  
"ENOUGH ANDERS! He's coming, like it or fucking well lump it," Hawke spat, "He's gonna have to learn about all this shit being here, alright. Don't like it, don't fucking well come. Justice, you up for demon and blood mage hunting?"  
  
The older man dipped his head before going back behind the curtain, leaving Anders standing there fuming, waggling his finger at Hawke.  
  
"Oh no, I'm coming. Not like you can bloody well heal as it is. Someones going to have to watch the boys back, because you wont. He's only just recovering from whats happened to him!"  
  
"No boi, stop callin me boi!" Alex shook his head, "Ist older yoo when died. So... fuck off!"  
  
"No, don't even THINK about bringing that shit up now. Your not a middle aged woman Alex, your a fucking nineteen year old boy, who has no Maker taken idea whats here. So don't even go there, alright," Anders snarked at him, cocking his hip.  
  
Alex stormed up to Anders and pushed his face into the other mans, "Yoo no tell me wat to do. Yoo no tell me shit I don reedy know. Birdy rite, yoo no like, stay put."  
  
Wow, where, the fuck did that come from? Alex has never done good with confrontation, let alone round on someone practically spitting fire at them. But he just did it, the other man backing down shaking his head going to his room. Yup, that fucking happened.  
  
"Sweet fucking Maker, Alex. That," Hawke grinned at him, "was hot!"  
  
Alex just glared at the Hawke only to have the other man grin even more, winking. Yup, thats happening too apparently.  
  
He just turned around and started to walk out the clinic, then spotted torn pieces of cloth on the table. He looked down at his hands then to the cloth, and nodded his head. He'll bind his hands up, like they did in movies before they beat someone shitless. Ahh movies, not the best way to learn things, especially not in a place like this. But at least there were the basics, like binding his wrists and palms up, to which he was doing walking out the damn clinic.  
  
Alex ignored the arguing behind him and looked out over the shit-hole called Darktown. God, he felt sorry for all these people living in the dirtiest ghetto he has ever seen. Living in utter squaller, but most he noted, seem to be happy here. Like really happy. Laughing, joking, kids playing catch with what he assumes is a ball, better not take a closer look at that if it ain't.  
  
He'd just finished binding his left wrist when a hand tapped his shoulder, "A good idea, Alex. I also see lockpick's on your belt."  
  
Alex nodded at Justice, "Izzy gave me. Teach me open box and lock. Look trap too," he smirks up at the man.  
  
"So the whore is good for something other then laying in her back," Justice just snorted. Wow... _No Alex enough. Fucking well stop it._  
  
"Izzy no bad," Alex shrugged tucking the cloth against his wrist, "Merrill no bad too. She give sta-stav- ugh... stave to me."  
  
Justice wrinkled his nose up slightly shaking his head, "You do know what the witch is?"  
  
"Majikcal like Anders and Birdy."  
  
"She is a blood mage, Alex. She deals with demons. But is not possessed with one, yet."  
  
Alex frowned looking at Justice then back out at Darktown. He's seen The Exorcist. Merrill certainly didn't seem like Regan, the little girl, no head spinning or puking everywhere, nor fucking herself on the cross. Ugh, Alex shuddered at that, he hated that scene in the movie. But yet more fucking questions that people don't seem to want to explain yet. Hawke was right though, he did need the experience and what better way then this shit.  
  
"Alright, kids. Lets go hunting!" Speak of the devil, the grinning winking devil that is.  
  
"Hawke-"  
  
"Shut the fuck up Anders. Just follow me, Alex knows what he's gonna do, don't ya mate," Hawke winked at him again.  
  
Alex nodded, pulling his hood over his head when they set off further into Darktown. Hawke had given him the run down of what they may expect, where they were to be heading, and to be fucking well prepared incase shit goes tits up. Hence why Justice was needed, and the begrudging Anders, who was still mumbling under his breath that this was a stupid idea bringing Alex along.  
  
"Yoo know how fite before Anders?" Alex glared over his shoulder, "Or yoo jus act like a bitch to me!"  
  
"Watch your damn tone with me, brat! I know how to fucking fight, I'm a Grey fucking Warden, not your Maker taken bitch!"  
  
Alex stopped, pushing his face into Anders again, "Before tha. Yoo know how fite?"  
  
"I... no I didn't," Anders sighed out backing away, "Not allowed to in the circle. Shit, your right, sorry."  
  
Alex sneered slightly at him before turning on his heel catching the other two up. He thinks he's made his damn point to the other man. Hawke smirked wide when he caught up, nodding his head in approval, "Damn Alex, you have no idea how hot any of that shit is, mate."  
  
Alex just blinked at him, then pulled his hood further over his face. God damn it, Hawke really just wont stop! Hadn't really stopped since walking into Varric's room with his new haircut, just, had not stopped at all. Way too much for Alex's liking, which either means the man was just a flirtatious bastard, or he had very little experience. Probably both. Seen both before when he, well when Alex was a she and much younger. Kinda did it himself, trying too hard only to get shot down.  
  
Anyway, seems they were at the place needed, when Hawke held up his hand and pointed at the trapdoor on the floor. No traps, good start. Alex just nodded back at him, and let Hawke open the door, sending out a ball of light so they could both see down the dark pit. Ugh, great, every horror movie just comes to mind looking down in it, waiting for a monster to grab you, pulling you in to eat you.  
  
Alex made his way down first, the little ball of light hovering near his shoulder. That, was kinda cool how Hawke could do that. Alex got down to the bottom walking slowly ahead, looking every which way for traps. God bless Isabela teaching him what to look out for. The others where coming down the rickety steps as Alex crept forward more, only to have Anders practically barge past going down the steps.  
  
SHIT! Alex could see the fucking trip wire and the bloody man was going to step on it!  
  
He grabbed Anders by the back of the coat and flung him backwards, making Anders fall onto the steps hard. Alex just glared at him holding up a finger then pointed it to the thin wire on the ground, "Idiot."  
  
"Maker take you!" Anders spat.  
  
"No tak yoo, idiot. Wir on grond," Alex just shook his head making his way down the steps slowly, taking the small clippers and picks from his belt and set to work making it safe. See, he was useful for something!  
  
"What the fuck's wrong with you, Anders?" Hawke hissed behind him, "Let Alex go first for the fucking traps. Makers balls."  
  
"I didn't know, alright!"  
  
"Now you do, mage."  
  
Big it up for the Beefcake and Mr.Flirtybird!  
  
The wire loosened then snapped, letting Alex sigh out in relief. Oh Isabela's going to be so damn proud of him when he's going to tell her.  
  
Alex nodded his head at them all, putting his stuff away. But... something didn't feel right. Like ants crawling along his skin when they set off again. Worse then ants, felt like his entire skin was going to crawl off from his body. He wanted to be sick at the feeling, was like nothing he's felt before.  
  
He shuddered even more the hairs on his arms standing on end, then the ground erupted in-front of him sending him sprawling onto his back. Something rose up from the ground, a something he has never ever seen before.  
  
_Holy... fucking... oh my God what the fuck is-_  
  
He rolled out the way like Isabela taught him as clawed hand went to grab him. Oh God, he was so not ready for this shit, trying to pulling the fucking stave from his back when it swiped at him again. Oh the smell, oh God the smell coming from the thing, smelt like rotten corpses and blood. He managed to pull his stave free and clouted the thing on what he assumes was the back of it's head.  
  
One purple eye fixed itself on his, the long claws twitched in the air gliding over to him, lashing out like a maniac. Alex brought the base of the stave up, catching it in the jaw and heard a crack. Bones? But this fucking thing was gliding... oh GOD MORE!  
  
_FIRE, ONES ON FUCKING FIRE! Oh God, oh God preserve me._  
  
Blood rushed around his ears trying to fend off the one clawing at him, one of the fire ones in his peripheral getting closer. The heat pricked against his skin. Everyone else was bloody busy around him fending off the rest, and here he was about to get swamped by two. FUCK!  
  
NO, no, he had to do this, no matter how much he was shaking and brought the stave down on the things head. It flinched bowing down, giving Alex time to shove the end of the stave into its stomach? God he had no idea when it exploded in black gore, getting into his mouth, on his skin. Alex gagged spitting it out, he gagged again when he wiped more on his face, then felt heat right on his back as the fiery one roared a laugh at him.  
  
"ALEX!" Who shouted that? Then gasped, going wide eyed feeling a hot hand grab his arm pulling him backwards. _No, God no, I don't want to die again. PLEASE!_  
  
The fiery one looked down at him, grabbing his neck pulling him up off the floor, cackling just like a fire when it threw him away. Alex's back impacted on a wall, the stave bouncing away from his grasp. Stars seemed to go past his eyes when he blinked them. But holy shit, there were so many of these things around everyone. Hawke was backed into a corner, Justice was protecting Anders from several flaming ones. Alex shook his head, feeling wet fall down his face but ignored it standing up on shaky legs grabbing his stave to lean on, panting.  
  
Hawke screamed and dropped to the floor. _NO!_  
  
_Stop standing around you useless fucking lump and save Hawke. BUT HOW! I'm not cut out for this shit. No, no-one is._  
  
Alex nodded to himself and pushed away from the wall, holding the stave out like a lance charging at the one that sent Hawke to the ground. The sound when it made contact made him flinch, driving the stave deep into the back of the thing, and nearly fell over when it too, exploded into black gore. Great, more went in his mouth making him gag.  
  
"Birdy?" Alex held out a hand to them man, spitting the shit out again to one side.  
  
"I'm fine, go help those two!" Hawke waved him off.  
  
Help them, against flaming fucking blobs? Alex sucked in a deep breath, gripping the stave tight in his hand. How the fuck was he... water! Would water help? He dropped his stave, pulling his backpack free, ripping the zipper open to find the canteen. He yanked it out pulling the stopper free and threw it at the flaming bastard's. Its sizzled on contact, sizzled making one turn around to glare at him with eyes as black as coals.  
  
Well... shit! Least the other two would only have, well, two to deal with when it slid across the ground to him.  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up backing up away from Hawke, pulling it away from them all, the stave slightly shaking in his hands as he brought it up to stop the fiery one from getting his neck again. He brought it up again, catching the thing in the face, slicing right through the things head. The stave, just went right through it, just making the flaming blob more angry at him when it roared loudly reaching out with both hands to grab him. Alex brought the stave down on its arms and grinned when its hands just dripped away, and did it again across its neck when it reared back.  
  
The thing just glowed bright white as its head dripped away like lava onto the ground, glowed white then puttered out as it melted onto the floor. Alex too melted flopping on his back, holy God damn shit, did he really just do all that?  
  
"Alex mate, you all right over there?"  
  
Alex just stuck up a thumb then flopped it back down on the ground. Yeah, okay, he wasn't alright laying flat out on the floor, smelling like rotten corpses, blood and fuck knows what else.  
  
"Makers breath, Alex. Good job," Anders beamed down at him from above, "your a bit bloody and burnt though. Sit up while I heal."  
  
"Mate, why'd you throw water at it?" Hawke chuckled dropping Alex's back pack next to him.  
  
"Ist fire, wata put out," Alex shrugged, "No then?"  
  
"No, mate. Need ice to do that. Not bad thinking though, saved both their arse," and there was another wink, "and mine. Nice work."  
  
Alex just nodded mutely as he was helped off the ground, Anders healing still going through him. That, was kinda nice to be honest, like mint and feathers going across and through his skin.  
  
"We still need to find this kid Templar. Maker, what the fuck did he get himself into? Hope he doesn't turn out to be like Wilmod," Hawke waved his hand further into the darkened place, "reeks so much of blood magic it's not even funny any more."  
  
"I still can't believe your actually helping the bloody Templars, Hawke. Should just let the order get riddled with demons, make my life easier."  
  
"Yes, Anders, because letting demons with Templar abilities roam the Gallows will make everything that much better!" Justice spat, "Killing your fellow mages along that way. Is that what you want? Because if we do nothing, that is what it will be!"  
  
"Well... no... but still-" Anders just shrugged dropping his hands, "Ugh, lets just go find this future murderer."  
  
Alex frowned at them all picking his back pack up. Hawke had already explained to him what Templars are and what they do, has yet to see one for himself, but the way both Anders and Justice spat the name, seemed much worse then he thought. Templars kind of meant something else to him, but seemed like the same old shit to be honest, _'Oh, lets just kill people who are different, slaughter millions in the name of a man that doesn't exist!'_ Well, thats what Alex thought.  
  
Alex walked ahead a little ways checking for traps, the others talking quietly behind him about it all and felt the feeling like his skin was going to crawl away from his body again.  
  
He held up his hand to them all and waved over himself, "Yoo feel tha? I don like it, feel like before," he muttered.  
  
"Mate, why didn't you say earlier?"  
  
"No wat was, Birdy. Hair on end well. Not like at all," Alex shuddered rubbing his stomach.  
  
Anders took Alex's arm, "What does it feel like to you?"  
  
"Skin go away fro me, mak feel sick. Then hair on end before things come fro grond."  
  
"That is blood magic and demons, Alex. It will never feel pleasant in the least. At least you can feel it, which is a good sign there will be more trouble ahead," Justice nodded to him.  
  
Anders nodded letting his arm go, "Yeah, blood magic alright. Justice is right, if you can feel it too its a good sign. Well not really, but you know what I mean."  
  
"Stay behind us, Alex mate. We've dealt with blood mages before, you haven't. So keep your distance if you can. If you can't, then fight for your fucking life and make sure you don't get any cuts on you," Hawke took Alex's shoulders and squeezed them both, "Don't want to see you fall to them, mate, I really don't."  
  
Alex nodded his head, gripping his stave tight in his hand when Hawke let his shoulders go. Great, he just wanted to burst into tears again at the thought of it.  
  
The feeling ran through him more then before, seeping deep under his skin. He felt like he was being flayed alive and kept rubbing his arm with his free hand, making sure his skin was still attached to him. His stomach rolled the further they went, rolled and knotted violently and then they all saw it. Someone was inside of a, bubble? Well, that... was new.  
  
Alex kept behind them all, looking about himself rubbing his arm and stomach. He just wanted to go, leave this place, never come back here. Fuck the person in the bubble.  
  
The hairs on his arms and neck rose again, making him stop in his tracks looking about even more, waiting for shit to come from the ground. Way too much like a horror movie, monsters were trying to eat them, and his stomach rolled again.  
  
A woman and three men with hoods over their faces strolled in, her arms open wide welcoming them, but Alex couldn't hear a damn word she was saying, not with his stomach rolling and the blood rushing through him. Red veins etched her face and hands, her eyes looked manic when she grinned at them, waving her hands, saying something about letting demons into them.  
  
Oh that was all Alex needed to hear when he picked up a stone and threw it at her, clipping her on her forehead. She blinked putting a hand to the trickling blood, the men behind her just looked at each other then at Alex. He held another stone in his hand, "Yoo no put deamon in me! No put deamon in them!" and threw the stone. _Yeah brilliant idea, Alex. Piss of the crazed bitch._  
  
"Oh my, such a pretty boy," she grinned at him letting the blood pour down her face, "They are just going to love you. Especially Desire," she purred. Alex's stomach rolled again, the hairs lifting off him even more as he backed off. The other men went after the others, but she, had her sights set on Alex when she stalked forward grinning even more. _Damn it, why'd I go and do that for?_  
  
"Don't be shy, I wont hurt you. Your far too pretty to hurt," she smirked flinging her hand out at him. Alex ducked letting whatever it was go behind him, and swung his stave out, catching her in the head. Yup, that just pissed her off when she growled, her eyes flickering purple.  
  
"Now, now, there is no need for that, my lovely. I ONLY WANT TO TASTE YOU!" she roared.  
  
The woman flung herself on Alex when he tried to get her again, and landed on his back with her lashing out on top of him. Her eyes burned even brighter and so did her grin, leaning down sticking her... holy shit was her tongue long when it tried to lick him. He felt something grab his thigh and squeeze right near his damn cock, the woman purring a growl as they both struggled.  
  
"You are feisty, aren't you. I can give you what you want, my lovely. All your desires," her tongue touched his skin.  
  
Alex shook his head pushing her off him, "Yoo no give wat I wan."  
  
"Oh but I can," she purred slowly standing, "this one gives me nothing, I can give you what you want, my lovely," the woman ran her hands over her breasts and hips, "but you must let me in."  
  
"NO!" Alex shouted ducking out the way of the claws the woman now had, a tail lashing out behind her. So thats what nearly grabbed his fucking cock!  
  
He wrinkled his nose up, narrowing his eyes at this thing of a woman, and brought his fist back clocking her right in the nose. He did it again when she stumbled back, then again in her jaw. The woman fell flat on her back clutching her face, so Alex, brought the end of his stave into it, over and over again. The bone crunching under it each time he brought it down, blood splattering on the floor, onto him when he threw the stave away to jump on her.  
  
"Yoo no tak nuthin, yoo no get in me," Alex brought his fists down on her face, "Yoo no tak nuthin fro me!"  
  
She wasn't moving under him any more, but anger filled him when he flung himself off her, charging off at one of the men flinging stuff at Hawke and jumped on his back. Alex gripped the mans neck with one arm holding on with his legs, his other hand punching the side of his head. He wasn't going to let these people put anything inside any of them, let alone demons, let alone becoming like the fucking little girl from the movie.  
  
The man fell forward onto the ground on all fours. Alex pulled the hood free grabbing the mans hair, yanking his head back, "Yoo die here, cunt," he muttered in the mans ear and pushed him over. He punched hard into the mans stomach, then into his head, over and over again, anger going through him the more he does it.  
  
A pair of hands grab him from behind, so he lashes out at that too. He wasn't going to fucking let anything take them. He's about to let his fist connect with the jaw, and sees the blood on his hands, and the person he was about to hit.  
  
"Alex calm down. It is over," Justice grabbed both his hands, "They are all dead."  
  
He just shook looking at the blood on his hands, the cuts, the bruises, everything. Oh God, what did he do, what the fuck did he do? Blood rushes through his ears trying to back away from Justice, but the man held on tight when he struggled to get free, "Alex, calm down, it's alright."  
  
His mouth and lips trembled as broken sobs were choked out, he just killed two people with his hands, his bare fucking hands. Their blood covered him. He killed them.  
  
He collapsed against the older mans chest, sobbing hard into it, "Anders, Hawke are we done? We need to get Alex out of here," the man said above him, then, "I will carry you out."  
  
Alex's world flipped, then remembers no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Radiohead - Karma Police - https://youtu.be/1uYWYWPc9HU


	7. ...And Justice For All.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - talk of rape, abuse, and death ahead. As well as nudity.

**9:33 Dragon - Kingsway.**  
  
"Maker Isabela, he's not even listening to any of us, even with me trying to heal him. Just... standing there in the middle of his room. Its been over two days now," Anders ran his hand down his face.  
  
"Oh, pup."  
  
"He killed two people with his bare hands, Izzy. I've never seen anyone freak out so much about it," Hawke ran his hand through his hair and sighed out, "He saved all our lives several times over now. Dammit, my brothers going to fucking kill me!"  
  
"And he resisted the demon trying to tempt him," Fenris titled his head at Hawke, the other man nodded, "Good. Means he is strong willed."  
  
"Oh, now you change your damn mind about him! Maker, fuck you Fenris!"  
  
"Mage, do not push me! I will tend to him."  
  
Anders and Hawkes brows fly up to their hairlines at that, the white haired elf just scoffed pushing past them, "Do not come in until I have left. None of you. That includes you, mage."  
  
Fenris pushed Alex's door open, indeed the young man was just standing there in the middle of the room. His clothes looked stiff against him, the blood dried and flaking on Alex's hands.Fenris sighed a little, shutting the door behind him and locked it. He really did need to be alone with the young man, tend to him. Wouldn't be the first time dealing with something like this, especially when Danarius got hold of a slave and beat them to a pulp, then him trying to deal with the aftermath.  
  
"Alex, it is," Fenris wrinkled his nose up, "Kat. You need to bathe, get the blood off your skin lest you get sick. And your clothes as well. We, will get you some more."  
  
The boy flinched, his fists clasping before releasing them. Fenris slowly made his way over, putting both his hands out when he got in-front of Alex, and noticed the tears tracks down his face, going through the grime. Yes, he was very much mistaken in thinking the young man was a demon or worse from the fade. Very much mistaken when he looks Alex over.  
  
"Kat?"  
  
Ahh, finally, "Yes, it is Kat. Though I would prefer a different nickname if you will. But nonetheless, you need to remove those clothes so you can bathe. And burn them. Do, you need help removing them?"  
  
Alex flinches again fisting his hands, "I, I, I died two peepl."  
  
"I know, Hawke and the others told us all. You did well, Alex, killing them and several others. And you did not take the demons offer either," Fenris quirked a small smile, "I, am impressed. You are stronger then you know."  
  
Alex shook his head slightly, the hair on the left side of his head clumped together, leaving bloody streaks against it.  
  
"Yes you are. Now come, allow me to help you. I have seen naked bodies before and yours will be no different. If not, then allow me to run the bath for you."  
  
"Kay," Alex whispers out, "help, me."  
  
Fenris nodded taking Alex's hand in his, leading him to the bath. The boy shook in his hand while he ran the taps to the bath, pouring salt's into it with his free one. Yes, just like what Danarius has done to his damn slaves. Fasta Vass, he hated being reminded of all that, but the boy needed help, his help, not the mages and his pet. He lets the bath run while he looks over the ruined clothing and shakes his head, "I will have to cut them from you. I am sorry, but will be the only way."  
  
Fenris shows Alex his gauntleted hand and sharp finger, the boy's barely there nod was enough for Fenris to gently run the clawed finger down the shirt. Kaffas, blood had soaked right against his skin, which made it hard for him to peel off his arms. So he ran his finger over the sleeves and pulled the garment free. Oh... he, had a lot of tattoos.  
  
"Your, tattoos are much better then mine," Fenris mutters throwing the shirt into the fire, "They do not have lyrium in them for one, and less painful for another. But still, much better."  
  
"Ist hurt on back."  
  
"Indeed, but all I remember with mine is agony, Alex. My former master did this to me against my will. Everywhere."  
  
"Oh. Ist died now?"  
  
"No, he is still alive. But one day I will kill him," Fenris smirked under his white fringe, "Now, you will need to keep still while I remove your pants and small clothes. All will be burned."  
  
Alex shuddered still not looking at him, letting Fenris run his claw down the sides for ease of removal. At least the boy removed his boots, but little else since the mages pet brought him back in his arms. They all thought the boy to be dead with how much he flopped about in the demons arms, then finding out the boy just passed out. Fenris swallowed trying hard not to look at the boys, penis, but Fasta Vass, was hard not too.  
  
"The water should be ready Alex," Fenris bit inside of his cheek hard pushing all that out the window, "Step into the tub, slowly. I will aid you."  
  
Alex nodded a little turning around slowly, and Fenris lets out a quiet gasp at the huge tattoo on the boys back: A pair of large wings held scales and a sword, with words he cannot read etched under it all. It, was beautiful to look at. The wings started from the boys shoulders and touched the boys backside, which was just equally hard not to look at.  
  
Fenris blinked a few times realising he was just standing there like a fool while the boy was in the water, the quiet splash shaking him out of his stupor. Get a hold of yourself, Fenris, he is not a piece of meat you can ogle! Even with the finely etched tattoos running everywhere on the boy, even though he's too... _ENOUGH!_  
  
Fenris took off his gauntlets, putting them to one side before taking the hair washing soap, lathering it in his hands before running it into Alex's hair.  
  
"I know this will be hard, but it will pass. Trust me on that. Take your time after this, do not let the Hawkes push you into something you are not ready to face any time soon. Which will no doubt be this stupid deep roads thing. Venhedis, I hope I don't get roped into going, bah. Bad enough it's taken everyone this long to-"  
  
"Snowy."  
  
Fenris blinked a few times stilling his hands in the boys hair, "I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Yoo no like Kat, will name Snowy do?"  
  
Fenris chuckled resuming his work, "Yes, I actually like that better. Kat more refers to the witch then to me. But yes, I like Snowy. Thank you Alex."  
  
Alex softly chuckled, and did that sound good to his ears when he chuckled back, then only to blush when the boy said, "Yoo like brotha. Ist woman but be man."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
Alex tapped his neck, "Can tell ther."  
  
Oh... "Yes, I am a woman, but I prefer being a man. It is a very long story, but we must deal with you first, hmm." Venhedis, the boy actually noticed that, no-one else did, but he did. Fenris frowned running the soap through the dark brown hair, his brother...  
  
"Alex, your brother was woman then?"  
  
"Yes. When he small, he no like being girl. When I twen-twen-, fuck," Alex sucked in a breath then lets it out slowly, "twenty-one, he sai no like being girl, want be boy. He only thir-thirteen. I buy binder fo him. He be brotha, alwas."  
  
Fenris smiled at that, at least Alex understood it what he actually is. At least the boy understood a lot of things, but not about Thedas.  
  
"Tell me, what is the biggest difference from here to where you are from. Other then magic, dragons, and people like me."  
  
Alex tilted his head back to look at him then looked out the window, "Two moon. Only have one. I like two moon, very beatful."  
  
"One of the moons is called Satina, the other has no name. What about your moon, did it have a name?"  
  
"Luna," Alex smiled.  
  
"Perhaps we should call the other moon that instead of, moon," Fenris chuckled, "Satina and Luna. Fasta Vass, that does sound very nice together!"  
  
Alex nodded slightly sighing as he sank down into the water. Fenris skimmed a quick look down the boys body then to the side. From when they first found him to just a few months later, his entire body had changed. Loosing a lot of weight, now gaining a small amount of muscle thanks to the pirate and witch. Still far too slender though for his height.  
  
Fenris wasn't happy that the witch was helping him, and nodded, "Would you allow me to teach you to fight? Isabela can still help you with rogue training while I, can help with better fighting. Stay with the stave though, but maybe we can do something with blades. Would that be, alright?"  
  
"I," Alex lets out another sigh, but not a happy one judging by the shudder, "kay. If will help."  
  
"It will, trust me. She has done well showing you the basics, and you did well yourself." Hmm, perhaps the dwarf will aid with somethings as well. Yes, he will ask Varric when he leaves the boy to sleep.  
  
Fenris looked down into the utterly grime filled water and tapped Alex on the shoulder, "You are clean, the bath tub is not. You should go to sleep now, rest will do you good."  
  
He helps the boy out of the bath tub, but still he shook in Fenris' hand when he held them. He completely ignored the fact Alex was once again very much bare in-front of him, handing him a fluffy towel, helping him dry off his wet skin. Fenris pushed more of his feelings out the window guiding Alex to his clean bed and sleep clothing. The boy just waved him off while he slipped on his pants as Fenris picked up the blood and ichor soaked clothing, throwing them into the fire along with sodden boots.  
  
By the time he turned around to say goodnight, Alex was asleep under the covers curled up in a ball.  
  
Fenris left the room quietly to go to Varric's, the voices making him sigh out before he pushed the door open, wiping the look from his face to be neutral again. He, still didn't trust most of the people around the table when they nodded at him, but it was better then he's ever had before.  
  
"How's he doin', Elf?"  
  
"Better for having a bath. His clothes are burnt in the fire, and is now sleeping. Dwarf, do you think you can make smoke bombs and grenades for him? Or know anyone who can? I will be helping him with his fighting," Fenris reached over for the bottle of wine, then decided against it taking the jug of water instead pouring a cup out.  
  
"Yeah I can do that. Smoke, poison, cold, fire, all kinds," Varric nodded.  
  
"Good. And Hawke, he wont be coming with you to the deep roads, and neither will I. So, do not even think about trying to twist either of our arms on that."  
  
The man just nodded slowly letting out a sigh, "Okay. Probably be for the best right now. Fuck, leaves just my brother, Aveline, Merrill, Isabela, and those two sitting there chomping at the fucking bit."  
  
"I will not go, Hawke, I have no desire to go into the deep roads again," Justice said.  
  
Anders just sighed shrugging, "If no-one else will go, I will. But I have a Maker taken clinic to run!"  
  
Fenris rolled his eyes drinking his water as the table went into deep roads talk. He really had no desire to go underground, nor deal with Darkspawn. Venhedis, they needed to tell the boy all about that as well. Hardly anyone has told him what was truly here, like they are trying not to frighten him. Look how well that turned out. If the boy knew more before being dragged along with Hawke, he would of been more prepared.  
  
Maybe.  
  
A tap on the table in-front of him made him glare at the damned hand. The mages pet demon was trying to get his attention.  
  
"What!"  
  
"What are you doing, elf?" it asked him quietly.  
  
Fenris wrinkled his nose up at the older man, "Drinking water, what does it look like I am doing!" he spat.  
  
"No, with Alex. What are you doing, and why?"  
  
"He needs better training, and I will give it too him. Isabela can still give him the rogue training, and I will help with everything else. There, now leave me alone."  
  
It just nodded, heaving a small breath. Kaffas, that was more human then anything it's ever done, then looked at him, "Good. Good. Thank you, elf."  
  
What? It, thanked him? Fenris shook his head drinking more water and spoke quietly behind the cup, "Why do you not train him also?" and... did the thing blush? Kaffas, it blushed looking away from him.  
  
"I would not know my own strength if I were to do so," it looked back at him almost sheepish, "I would not want to accidentally kill Alex. I know we do not get along, elf, but I do honestly thank you for even doing anything for him. He will need it, even if I... even if I cannot give it."  
  
Fenris just nodded putting the water cup down, looking at the demon from under his fringe when it turned back to the conversation. It's been several months now since that, thing, became what is was, coming into existence in that Black Emporium place. Kaffas, he hated the place the moment he stepped foot in there, and of course the damn mage just HAD to go snooping through trinkets and forbidden books. Barely two months before Alex was found. Barely. And of course the demon had to just be naked when it appeared, falling out of the mirror because the damned mage couldn't leave well enough alone.  
  
Oh yes, the mage was free, but they had an unleashed demon running around. Pah, Fenris shook his head staring into the cup of water. All he could see was the thing tearing into Templars, literally biting into necks, savouring the taste and blood like the demon it was. Tearing them apart with the mages own hands. Not just Templars either, blood mages as well as others of its kind. And it calls itself a spirit.

THAT is no spirit no matter how they all sugarcoat the thing. IT was a demon wearing its own skin.  
  
The mage stood up sharply shaking him out of his musings, "I need to go check on Alex."  
  
"Mage, do not wake him," Fenris spat out. Kaffas, the boy needed to sleep not have the mage poke and prod him.  
  
"I can put him into a deeper sleep, Fenris," the mage spat back at him. Typical really, "So shut your damn face."  
  
"Venhedis, mage, leave him be. Let him rest!"  
  
"Why the fuck do you care? Since WHEN do you care about anything but yourself, huh?" Oh, that was rich coming from the mage who was as selfish as they come!  
  
"More then you know, mage. Now cease your prattling and sit down. He will still be there in the morrow."  
  
The mage sat down heavily in his seat as his pet demon pulled him back into it. Fenris just shook his head, pushing his cup of water away. He needed to go home himself and rest, but with the mage sitting there glaring at him, he'd wait until he left with his pet. Isabela had already scarpered off somewhere, not doubt with the witch as usual. Hawke just sat there rolling his eyes at them. Why was he friends with all these people who mostly got under his skin? Oh yes, safety in numbers from Danarius, and a promise to Hawke. Even if the man was another mage.  
  
Fenris shuddered a little at that thought. Being in a debt to a mage, that mage in particular, still didn't sit right with him. Would never sit right with him if he were to be honest, but he'll deal with it for now.  
  
Good, the mage and his pet were leaving, so was Hawke. He'd wait a few moments before leaving himself, making sure the mage wouldn't come back in and disturb the boy from his slumber.  
  
"Elf, Blondie's got a point. Why are you helping the kid? Not like you at all really."  
  
Fenris just shrugged, "Because everyone has secrets," he mutters out before leaving the dwarf sitting there perplexed.

* * *

  
He, looked like utter shit looking in the fucking mirror. Shit. Three damn days he's been laying in bed, not eating again. Couldn't eat not with how his damn stomach kept rolling around like a ship at sea. He needed to go eat, but not with how shit he looks.  
  
Alex ran a hand over his stomach then prodded it with his finger. God he's lost so much weight, its not even funny any more. Anders even gave him an earful yesterday about it all. Bah, the man can talk, he was skinnier then Alex is, even if he's just a few inches taller then Anders. He shook his head letting the fringe brush his cheek and sighed out heavily looking over himself again.  
  
Yeah, this was not helping. He needed to go get food and write in the damn journal again. Alex nodded to himself picking up the toothbrush, hey at least that was a thing here, and cleaned his teeth. He looked into the mirror at the door opening behind him, and rolled his eyes as Anders came through. Alex spat into the basin then lent his hands on the table at Anders eyes practically bugging out of his head at Alex's back, shutting the door behind him.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Anders blinked a few times and shook his head, holding out a package in his hands, "Right, sorry. Got clothing replacements for you from everyone. Maker the tattoo..." he trailed off still looking at it putting the package on the writing table.  
  
"Wat bout it? Ist jus that Anders. Why, yoo no have ani?" Alex snarked pushing away from the table, slamming the toothbrush down.  
  
"It's jus- Has anyone else seen it?"  
  
Alex frowned turning around to face the man, "Snowy has. Why ask? Just goin to stand ther an ogle or yoo here for sumthing else, Anders?"  
  
"Of course I have tattoos," Anders spat cocking his hip as usual, "Have the Grey Warden Griffin on my damn chest and more. And I'm not Maker taken ogling you, brat! It's just, the tattoo on your back. Shit," he ran a hand through his hair and cursed snapping his hair tie.  
  
"Fucking WAT ANDERS! Wat bout it!" Alex was in no mood for anyones shit, let alone Anders fucking hip cocking crap.  
  
The blond hair man just sighed sitting down at Alex's desk trying to retie his hair, then gave up letting it flop about everywhere, "It says 'Justice And Freedom For All,' under the sword and scales. And the wings are pretty nice, Alex. The whole thing," he waved his hand at Alex, "is like everything I stand for, you have no idea."  
  
"Oh," was all he could say uncrossing his arms from his chest. Alex bit his lip walking over to his bed, "I draw pic-picture maiself. My idea. Took long time to do, hurt, like alot."  
  
He sat down on the bed pulling his Walkman over and clinked play, skipping ahead to the Metallica song '...And Justice For All,' and let it play out loud through the headphones. Anders quirked an eyebrow at him and listened too.  
  
"Idea came fro tis song, Anders. My da," Alex frowned looking down at his hands, "My da die horrible way. Was stab to death in backalley while I was awai. He, had no justice fo wat happen to him. My brotha, almost got rape by men who think they could do wat they like. Becos brotha be differ. I make tattoo, make point tha there should be justice an freedom fo all."  
  
Anders got up out of his chair an sat next to him, bringing him in hard for a hug, "Maker Alex, I had no idea. We, just don't know much about you as it is. I know it's hard to speak, and a little hard to understand you, but, shit, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful sentiment for both of them."  
  
"Yes. Easi to writ then speek. Wrot lot in book bout where I fro, wat hapneen. Even draw gain," he smiled slightly at the man, "Tha song, was play at da's fun-funer-, ugh, yoo know what I mean. But I miss all. My famili, my brotha, all of them. Feel lone here."  
  
"I do," Anders pulled back from the hug and cocks his head, "You know, you don't have to be alone, Alex. Your not alone here, never will be not with all of us keeping each other on their toes. Maker, I know it's hard, but your not alone."  
  
Alex looks down at his fingers again, wringing them together, "I kno. Ist still hard."  
  
"Alex, look at me," Anders said softly.  
  
So he did, then gasped as the man kissed his lips gently. What the- Alex lets his eyes slip closed at the feeling. God, did it feel good. Anders hand went to the back of his head, making Alex shiver at it, the mans lips pressing harder on his the more they kissed. Alex's fingers trembled on Anders coat, gripping tight when the man pulled back and smiled softly at him.  
  
"Sorry, I thought you could do with that," he said just as softly, "Your a beautiful man, Alex. Someone who deserves a lot more then whats been given to him. But I can tell," Anders smile went crooked, "that your not even interested in me. But you deserved that, none the less."  
  
Alex blinked a little at him then frowned, "Yoo do this to all patient? Wat kind doctori are yoo," he chuckled pushing the man away when Anders barked a laugh at him.  
  
"You know, maybe I should. Might actually get paid for my services then!"  
  
Alex just shook his head getting off the bed to the package, and opened it. God, everything had been replaced with better shit. Even new underware and boots, and a belt full of pouches. Oh yeah, he liked that when he pulled it out looking it over.  
  
"Your too damn skinny, Alex. I'm buying food to break our fast, so hurry up and get dressed, brat!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metallica - ... And Justice For All - https://youtu.be/_fKAsvJrFes
> 
> Alex does loose far too much weight, an unhealthy amount for someone who's six foot.  
> Anders for this story is just five foot six, same height as Fenris (I normally like a very tall Anders, but I have a tall Justice and another one instead)


	8. The Unforgiven.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a couple of things happen to him on the same day.

**9:33 Dragon - Harvestmere.**

The men in uniform barged past everyone on the docks from the boat they crossed on, clinking and clanking as they went. Alex's nerves shot up a hundred fold at the sound moving out of their way, every single one of them had their faces hidden behind helms, their eyes just visible through the slits. He watched them storm up the one of the steps to Lowtown, swords and shields glinting in the sun as much as their armour.

So thats what the Templars here look like, God no wonder Birdy and Anders hated them. They all looked like pieces of shit work in all that get up. Alex shook his head, flicking ash onto the docks, waiting for the others to come back doing whatever it was they were doing. He looked over at the huge marble white building in-front of him, flicking more ash onto the ground. Looked like a fucking prison from where he was standing. Ugh.

Well, at least he wasn't going there, was going up to a place called Hightown. The posh part of Kirkwall apparently. No doubt a whole load of knobs mincing around like fucking tossers, trying to be the better toff then the next one. God, he hated people like that, he really did. Working class, is what his family is, was. They worked bloody hard for a living, they put their backs into everything they did. Including himself.

A quiet cough behind Alex made him flinch turning around sharply at it, then looked down.

"Menace, we're going. Sorry, Hawke had a few errands to run down here," Varric grinned up at him.

"Thos giant?"

"Yeah, the tall horn headed bastard's. Qunari. Maferaths nutsack, dunno why we need to do anything for them, but Hawke insisted."

Varric motioned with his head and they both set off. Alex only saw the tall horn headed people briefly, but fucking hell, were they cool looking. Like dragon people when they went past them, Alex's side eyeing them again before looking ahead to Hawke, Justice and Merrill.

"Alex mate. Catch!"

Hawke threw a small pouch at him, making Alex frown looking down at it in his hands before opening. Several gold coins were nestled inside. He frowned even more looking back at Hawke, who just shrugged before bounding up the steps.

"I don't standi?"

"Your pay, mate. For what you did down in Darktown," the man snickered over his shoulder, "and extra!"

Extra? For what? He slipped into a deep fucking depression over the whole thing, loosing days because of it. Crying himself to sleep at the images going through his damn mind every time he closed his eyes. And that was worth paying him for it all? Alex wanted to throw the fucking pouch back at the man, watch it ping off the back of his head. But no, he could do with the money, so he pocketed it in the belt pouch Fenris got him, going up another lot of sodding steps.

"Lethallin, will you come by tomorrow? I made more cakes I think you might like," Merrill grinned at him.

"YES! Try stop me!" Oh God yes, he loved those little cakes she made, with little flowers pressed on the top. Matched her personality to be honest, even if most people in the group didn't like her much. Alex did.

She grinned even more practically bouncing up the steps to catch Hawke up. Varric just snorted a laugh shaking his head at him.

Justice, on the other hand was quiet as a mouse when he looked up at the man. His eyes were set straight ahead, almost grinding his teeth, his hands fisted by his side the further they walk through this posh arsed Hightown. Wonder what got the Beefcake's knickers in a bunch?

"OI! Where you lot going?"

Oh well, fuck. Its the Templar twats.

"To the Hightown market, dear Ser. There is a really nice one going on, and we're all eager to have a look," Hawke just dipped his head at them.

"You got any information on the mage underground, or seen a small blond elven woman? She's a bloody filthy blood mage," one of the Templar shits barked at them.

"A mage what now? And a blood mage! Maker, thats scary. I hope you find both, dear Ser. I would not want such things to ruin our fair city now, would you?" Oh, Hawkes good, putting on a mock gasp, holding on to Merrill as if she's scared too.

The Templars just waved them all off, huffing. But Justice just growled low in his throat as they all walked slowly past them. Alex's hairs on his arms raised when he growled even more.

"Justin, calm," he muttered to the man, "No fite here."

"They all should be brought to justice for what they do," oh fuck, did Justice's eyes flicker blue. SHIT!

Alex just grabbed his arm and dragged him away from the others, pulling the him into a side alley, "Maibe. But no now, Justin. Yoo glo blue, no now, please!"

The older man looked down at Alex, his nose wrinkled, a sneer on his lips then lent down to him, making Alex swallow sharply at it.

"They will pay for everything they do, Alex. Just be thankful they never found you on the coast, they would of killed you! They slaughter mages like cattle, butcher them all for what they are. Kill innocents in the name of a man who does not exist!"

Holy fucking shit, he was rounding on Alex. He was like a walking thunderstorm the more he got closer, the air clicking and popping madly around them. Alex's back hit's the wall, and all he could do was watch the man seethe even more when he put a hand right above Alex's head, bending down even more to him.

"I will not allow them to take Anders, sunder his mind like they did his former lover," Alex's legs were going weak at the knees at the mans mouth right next to his ear, his heart pounding madly in his chest, "I will not allow them to take you either. If they ever found out-" Justice just punched the wall above Alex's head before storming off.

Sweet, fuck. He wanted to slip down the wall, fall into a puddle on the ground at the whole thing. Alex bit his lip hard pushing away from the bricks, his legs felt like jelly coming out the side alley looking around for the others. He grimaced as he walked when he saw them all, and looked down at the front of his pants. Er... Alex blushed hard at the fucking bulge right there, banging against one of the pouches. Well, shit... how the fuck did that turn him on?

"You alright, Menace?"

"Yup," he said with a loud pop, "Jus peachi."

"Mmm hmm, sure." God fucking damn the bloody dwarf smirking at him, who was most definitely not looking at Alex shifting the pouches in-front more.

He just put up middle a finger walking away from the smirking dwarfs face. But seriously though, why the fuck did that turn him on something stupid? Fear, yeah, thats it, fear. He wasn't turned on at all, just an involuntary action of being scared. Yup, thats it.

A rather large building practically loomed in-front of him, golden statues dotted around it. Wow, didn't spare much money in doing that place up like a dogs dinner! The strong smell of incense hit his nose, making it twitch. Yup, frankincense, he knows that smell anywhere. This, must be the infamous Chantry he's heard so much about. Yeah, he had no desire to go inside such a place.

He waited outside lighting another smoke, watching what he could only assume to be priests, or perhaps monks and nuns? Bah, he was never one for the whole fucking God shite. Yeah, he says his name, but don't mean shit.

He peaked around the door to who the others were talking too, then scoffed at the man in white and gold armour. Seriously, what a load of horse shit that was. Alex rolled his eyes looking back at Toffville, yeah this whole place was horse shit. So he joyously flicked his ash on the pristine ground, earning a few dirt looks. Fuck this place. Fuck these prissy pieces of upper-crust toffs. Made him sick looking at the pristine bullshit around, in their fine clothes and posh hairdos.

Everyone came out from the place looking like they all sucked lemons. Alex hid a giggle behind his hand, still leaning on the Chantry wall while Hawke waved them all off, sending them all on their way.

"Oh, I'm the prince of Starkhaven, but right now I'm taking a break to be a Brother. What a twat," Hawke muttered rolling his eyes next to Alex, "So yeah, he's a twat."

Alex snickered flicking more ash on the ground, "All fucking twat here," he said rather loudly making Hawke bark a laugh.

"Too right, mate. Now, lets go have a drink, just me and you. Theres a nice place not too far from here," Hawke dipped his head blushing a little, lowering his voice, "they kinda cater to, er, people like me. And I want you to come with me. Please."

Alex raised an eyebrow at the mans blush, "Wat kind place, Birdy?"

"You'll see," Hawke smirked, "So will you come with me? Please?"

"Fine," he said back shaking his head, then nearly squealed as Hawke grabbed his arm smiling even more, dragging him away from the Chantry.

Cater to people like him? Alex's mind wandered a little at that, looking sideways at the few years older then him man. He, was really fucking handsome to look at with his mid-brown jaw length hair flecked with blond streaks, which always had Birdy run his fucking hand through, making it go to one side. Kind of reminded him of the grunge hair style back home, fucking sexy as shit to be honest. His pale blue eyes and slightly dusky skin on a rather buff body three inches taller then himself. God, was this seriously happening to him?

A fortnight ago was Anders giving him a kiss, then earlier with Justice making him hard. And now Hawke dragging him off for a drink without everyone else. Isabela was always giving him a kiss on the cheek or a huge smack on the lips, Merrill doing the same thing following her lead. Still, didn't feel shit for that. Maybe a little, but not enough to shove his hand down his pants and wank off. Which, he still hasn't done yet with everything going on. Though right now, he really wanted it, like badly.

Huh, Mr.Flirtybird was dragging him off though the red lantern district.

"There," Hawke whispers dipping his head, blushing even more, "I, hope you don't mind, Alex."

He looked over the sign the closer they got and huffed out a small laughing smile. Yup, gay bar. With a name like The White Swallow why was he not surprised. Well, at least it was getting dark when they went in, but shit, Alex could swear there was a deep bass playing somewhere in the place. Could swear he almost hears ALCATRAZ's 'Give Me Luv' in his ears when they walk through the doors.

Hawke gripped his arm even more, walking through the sea of both men and women to the bar. A drag-queen beamed a smile at them both waving a hand over the drinks selection. Holy fuck, Alex couldn't contain his own grin looking at them all. It was like being back home taking his baby brother into a place like this, the drinks list almost exactly the same.

"My names Alissa and I'm your barmaid tonight! So pretty lad, what can I get you? And you too, who's trying to hide his fine face behind him. Don't be shy, we don't bite."

Alex bit his lip and chortled at Hawke blushing even more slipping out from him behind him, "We take two Longslots, each," he grinned out dipping his head at Alissa.

"Oh my! You have such a gorgeously deep voice, sweetie. Four coming right up!"

"Alex," Hawke whispered, "Maker why am I not surprised. Your not even embarrassed are you?"

"Nope," Alex said with a pop again, "Brotha, memba. Did all tis often with him."

Alissa came back with a huge smile at them both handing the drinks over. Hawke blushed deeply again handing the money over and looked around for somewhere they could sit. He waved a hand over to one side, and led Alex over to the free booth. A booth, yup, somethings never ever do change. What a great place to snuggle and snog. Alex took two of the drinks from Hawkes hands as they sat down, the other man trying to hide his face from everything.

"No be embar- embarrassed, Birdy, enjoy!"

"My mother HATES the fact I'm not even to women. Never have been," Hawke shrugged then sighed running a hand through his hair, "I guess you weren't joking about all that then in the brothel."

Alex shook his head and lent on Hawke, taking a long drink from the tall elegant glass, "So, jus men huh."

"Did try a girl once years ago. Hated every moment of it. All because mother insisted on the match. Ugh," Hawke shuddered taking a sip of his drink and smiled, "Oh, thats good! But anyway, I did, once, not long after the girl to get that out of my head, you know. I like men yes, been too afraid to say a damn thing and when I do, well-" he sighed sitting back in the seat, "I try too hard. Been years now since I've been with anyone."

"Flirtybird," Alex chuckled at him lighting another smoke, "Don tri so hard. Just be self."

"Yeah as if that ever helped anyone. I get pissed off so easily, quick to anger you know. Just like my dad and brother."

"Anders would no say no to yoo, Birdy."

Hawke wrinkled his nose up then shook his head leaning forward, "Not my type. Had Isabela practically try and ride me in the hanged man after we met her. I shoved her to the floor then pointed at my damned crutch saying, 'If it ain't up, I ain't interested!' She got the hint after that, then tried to give me tips." Hawke snorted running a hand through his hair again, "Has she, you know, with you?"

"No. But I do get kisses fro her," Alex snickered, "An Merrill." He didn't mention Anders, that was between the two of them.

"Makers fucking breath, so the girls never actually did anything? Thats a first," Hawke took another sip of his drink and lent on Alex again, "Do you know how many people look at you wherever you go, Alex? Both sexes? Kinda makes me a little jealous."

Alex frowned at him, "Wy? Nuthin be jealous of. I'm brokeh, Birdy. Is no need for that."

"Your gorgeous, Alex. I mean like sinfully so. Even fucking Justice the most insufferable spirit is fucking gorgeous to look at. With his damn close cropped hair and muscles," Hawke snorted, "don't tell him that though."

"Oh I don know, maibe I will," Alex laughed watching the look on Hawkes face, "I joke. Or ami?"

"No... don't you fucking dare! I'd never bloody forgive you if you did."

Alex stubbed his smoke out in the ashtray taking another long pull from his drink, and sighed when he put it down, "Yoo is a very handsome man, Birdy. No need to be jealous of me. No need to tri so hard at all. Yoo could have any person here yoo wan."

"What if I don't want any of them? What if I want someone... a little closer?"

"Oh? Who?"

"Alex, I want you. Maker you have no idea how much I fucking do. Shit," Hawke sat back in the seat again running a hand down his face, "I'm leaving next month and all I can think of is that: I'm fucking leaving you behind with everyone else, and I may never see you again. We worked so fucking hard to make money just so we can possibly make more, but may come back with nothing, or worse, not come back at all."

"Birdy, Maurevar, yoo will come back. I," Alex swallowed looking down into his drink, downed the whole lot, then pulled the other one over, "scared of shit like this. Nuthin ever work for me. Never do."

"Theres nothing to be scared of, Alex. But seriously though, I wouldn't hurt you, but Maker, you have no idea how much I was actually freaking to the fact I took you out when you weren't even ready. I hide that shit pretty well from everyone," Hawke took Alex's hand in his tracing the back of it with his thumb, looking to the side away from him, "But seeing you fight them then freak out, scared the shit out of me. I'm so sorry."

Alex's breath hitched at the sincerity of the man holding his hand, all this affection from people was getting to him, confusing every bloody senses he has. Hawke was arguably the most stubborn bullheaded person he has known, always snapping and yelling at everyone, but yet right here, with him, he was baring his heart out on a platter to Alex. He just couldn't believe any of this shit was actually happening to him.

"I never be fucked by man lik, that," Alex said out quickly, then bit his lip looking down at the table. But shit, if his cock didn't twitch at the idea of being taken up the arse. Not like it could go anywhere else other then his mouth, which just made his fucking cock twitch even more in his leathers. He was never a good lay, well she, he should say. Well he didn't think he was.

"But, no need be sorry, Maurevar. I knew I was no reedy and came anyway. Will have Snowy teech me fite, I get better, I hope."

"Still didn't make it right, Alex," Hawke dips his head and smiles softly at Alex, "I wouldn't fuck you, thats for pigs and whores like Izzy. Even if its just for one night and you never wanted it again, I wouldn't fuck you. I'd give you the whole of me."

"I-" Alex searched Hawkes face and bit his lip again.

"Whatever you were before, it's not who you are now, Alex. I'll, understand if you say no to me, I'm not the best kind of person. So everyone fucking well tells me, or just kicks me out of places because I piss them the fuck off," he smirked.

"Never said no." He didn't, which just made Hawkes face soften even more. Alex's fringe brushed his cheek when he dipped his head blushing profusely, "I no be with anyone in long time either."

"New life, new rules," the other man snickers brushing Alex's fringe with his fingers, "Well, thats what I'm trying to fucking well do in Kirkwall, the shittiest place in all of Thedas. Maker, I love this hair cut, it's just so fucking sexy on you."

"Lirene did good."

Hawke rolled his eyes sitting back in the seat pulling Alex with him, "Why am I not surprised. Did she tell you I was trouble like she did with Anders? Or that my brother was too? Well, she ain't wrong about my fucking brother, thats for sure. Nor me. I am trouble."

"Mmm hmm."

"Mmm hmm, what?" Hawke smirked at him.

Alex hummed pulling his drink over letting Hawke stew, while he drank the entire lot down in one go, slamming the glass down on the table. "All of above," he giggled out, pulling Hawkes other full drink over to him, downing it in one go too before slamming that down as well.

"Oh Maker, did you really just down the entire lot? Fuck Alex, your killing me here!"

"New life, new rules. Catch up," Alex grinned out.

Hawke waved a finger at him getting out of the booth, "You, just, stay right there and don't move. Maker, I'll catch up alright!"

Alex snorted a laugh at Hawke dodging around the people running to the bar, sticking two fingers up at Alissa then waved his hand at himself. Hawke looked over his shoulder at him, smirking then back at Alissa who barely put the two tall glasses down before he drank them both, then slammed money onto the bar. The man then brought two more, then practically ran back through everyone again.

Alex couldn't help but laugh at him when he puts one down in-front of him, "Better drink the fuck up, cos we're going."

Alex just shook his head then downed the drink, Hawke doing the same with his full and half full one before grinning wide at him. He just shook his head again getting out the booth, following the man outside, the cool air hitting his skin, making him sigh out at the feeling. But God, did his head swim really nicely with the alcohol going through him. An arm went around his waist as Hawke pulled him closer, who, was still grinning.

"I, um, gotta ask, Alex. How many people have you, er, slept with?"

Alex snorted a laugh leaning on Hawkes arm, "Three. One woman, two men. All long ago now. God, too long go."

"You, slept with a woman? Maker, was it as bad for you as it was for me? I just hated every moment of it, even to the point I vomited on her," Hawke bit his lip and blushed, dipping his head, "even worse, I was fucking twenty-one when I did it. Lost my fucking virginity to her as well. Never forgave my drunken bitch of a mother for that, all because she wanted us to marry off, have grandchildren. Just, not my thing."

"I no lik either. Try out, jus not me. Men on other hand," he smirks up at Hawke, "oh yeah."

"But yet you never..." Hawke stopped them both on the steps to Lowtown, "Maker, I just want to be sure about all this, Alex. I know you said you 'never said no', but, you didn't say yes either. I just," Hawke frowned looking down the steps, running his hand through his hair before huffing out a breath, "don't want things to fuck up as usual. But fucking void, I want you so bad it fucking hurts."

"Still no say no, Maurevar. Which mean yes," Alex pushes his body against Hawkes, "A very yes."

The man slowly looks back at Alex, the softness back in his face grabbing him by the waist, pulling him even closer, "Then the Maker had better not stand in my fucking way down in the deep roads, because nothings going to stop me from coming back to you. Nothing," he whispers before capturing Alex's lips with his own.

* * *

 

Varric waited until Menace left his room to take another peak. Shit, he knows he shouldn't but the kid could draw. He waited in the shadows, biting his lip. He's been worried like shit for Menace after what happened.

Yeah, the kid wasn't fine for days after the botch in Darktown, still didn't think he was fine now.

His door opened then clicked shut again, good he left, and made his way out of the shadows. Varric heaved a small sigh looking over the books, the drawings, and the...

Maferaths balls, the kid could write, detailing every single thing thats been going on. Varric turned to the first pages and squinted, skimming over the lines. The kid wrote about his life before, even drew his own damn death. Andraste's dimpled butt cheeks, the detailing was astounding.

He flipped back to the previous pages Menace was writing in, and spotted the notes about the night out with Hawke and the incident with a rather grumpy spirit. Well, shit, this isn't good. Nope not good, not good at all. He's gonna have to- SHIT.

Varric slipped back into the shadows when the door opened again, and slipped out before it was shut. Music played behind the door continuing from before, making Varric sigh out at it. Something about being Unforgiven.

Yeah, seems about right for the kid. For them all really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metallica - The Unforgiven - https://youtu.be/Ckom3gf57Yw  
> ALCATRAZ - Give Me Luv (Original mix) - https://youtu.be/Prh2BVUpbUo
> 
> The drink called LongSlot (Rum (Dark and light) mixed with vodka, cranberry and blood orange juice, served in a tall chilled glass, no ice no garnish), is my own creation.


	9. Glory Box.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Hawke go to Sundermount, and, well... get mounted. (IE A little bit of smut.)

**9:33 Dragon - Harvestmere.**  
  
"Alex, you in there?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Maker fucking dammit you cheeky shit!"  
  
Alex snickered opening his door letting Hawke in, "Me. Wat. No, never."  
  
Hawke just lent on the door jamb shaking his head at him, before pushing away, "Yes you are. So what you doing today, other then sitting in here when it's fucking nice outside?"  
  
"Write in book. Which I know Varric snoop in!" Alex shouted around his door, "ARSE! DUN THINK I DUN KNOW!"  
  
Hawke just dragged him in the room while he laughed hard, Alex wrinkling his nose up the whole time, sticking his fingers up at the door. God, the fucking shit didn't think he knew, but he knows where he left everything, and the fact, KEYHOLE!  
  
"Maker," Hawke lets him go and tilts his head, "And I thought I was bad. Your showing me up here, mate. Can't have that."  
  
Alex just flicked his hand under his chin then turned to his wardrobe, "Yes well..."  
  
"So, wanna come to Sundermount with me? We... never did find the fucking flower Solivitus wanted me to find on the Wounded Coast, only to fucking find out," Hawke rolled his eyes leaning on the wardrobe, "went to the wrong place. Don't you fucking tell that lot."  
  
"Or wat?" Alex raised an eyebrow.  
  
Hawke just smirked peaking in the wardrobe, "As nice as it is seeing you in your sleep ware, or, out of it which would be far much nicer. But still, beggars can't be choosers. Just get fucking dressed."  
  
"Fuck you!"  
  
"Oh, sweet fucking Maker, there you go again making me all hot and bothered."  
  
Alex just rolled his eyes while the man left, snickering at him. Yeah, Alex wasn't a little taken with the man, nope, he most certainly wasn't. Fuck, he was in serious trouble, and he fucking loved it. Just, still didn't like the idea of Hawke going to this deep roads thing, with Anders, Varric, his brother and Aveline. Who all may or may not come back, with or without riches, or whatever is down there. Alex frowned, he's not even seen this brother of Hawkes yet, wonder why.  
  
He sighed slipping in a sleeveless hooded shirt, the new one Isabela got him, and the really soft laced leathers he got himself. He looked down at the really buckled knee high boots, and smirked at them, pulling them out too. If anyone back home saw him dress like this, they'd immediately say, punk. Yeah, he could fucking live with that when he slipped the boots on, biting his lip looking over to his pack.  
  
Walkman, smokes, gum, all he needed now were fucking rubbers and he'd be set. Alex chuckled to himself at that thought, grabbing the pack and left his room.  
  
"Menace? Yeah, so, we need to-" Varric peaked around his own door looking worried.  
  
"You wan snoop, here key," he chucked the key at him, "leave on table for lata, yeah."  
  
"Maferath's balls. Kid, I seriously-"  
  
"Nope," Alex seem to like popping the P at the moment, even with the weird look Varric was giving him. Ugh... snoopy nosey fucking dwarf.  
  
Alex smirked going down the steps with a jog, nodding to Corff and Norah as he left. That damn barmaid took fucking several hints that he wasn't even remotely interested in her, even with all the coy finger twirling of her hair she did, pushing her cleavage against his shoulder whenever she handed food or drinks over. Isabela set her right on that, by sleeping with her just to shut her up.  
  
"Well fuck. Love the boots, Alex," Hawke took his arm guiding him away from the pub, then lent to his ear, "the leathers are going to kill me, along with all those fucking tattoos. Maker, your making it hard for me here, like, literally and figuratively."  
  
"Oh, how bad?" Alex smirked.  
  
"Very," Hawke purred, "But we need this damn flower."  
  
"Maibe. Wat look like? Half time to find, yeah."  
  
So Hawke set about describing the flower as best he could as they walked up the steps to Hightown. He then went on about the Dalish living up there, Merrill's former clan, to which the man didn't really like. Even if he apparently sent some half-breed to them so he'd be safe from the Templars.  
  
Alex couldn't help but skim his eyes over what the man was wearing, not far different then his own clothing to be honest. Knee high brown boots over brown leathers, a green capped sleevedshirt, and his fucking slightly dusky skinned bare arms. Ugh, he was disgustingly gorgeous himself, and everyone calls Alex gorgeous or pretty, he just didn't really see it any more looking in the mirror. All he saw now was a broken person, who had no idea what the fuck to do with his body half the time. Let alone the horrific dreams he's been having.  
  
"Hey."  
  
Alex blinked, feeling a finger under his chin making him look at Hawke. He frowned and felt the wet down his face. Well... fucking take that shit! He just shook his head and smiled at the man, "I fine."  
  
"You know you can talk to us, right? You don't need to keep all that shit inside," Hawke said quietly looking over his face, then wiped Alex's tears away with his thumb, "Your too beautiful to cry, Alex."  
  
"Wat if I happy an cry, hmm?"  
  
Hawke just shook his head slowly, kissing Alex on his forehead, "Then we should make some happy tears then, how about that. Flower first, then... tears."  
  
"I dun know whether take serious," Alex just snorted as they set off again, walking through Toffville. Hawke didn't say anything, but didn't need too judging by the man biting his lip looking away. Shit, he really was serious.  
  
He sucked in a quiet breath taking his back pack off, digging around in it for his smokes. This, was either going to a long fucking day dancing around each other, or a short one left with damn disappointment. Knowing Alex, probably be a bloody disappointment because thats how his damn life has always played out.  
  
They left the cities gates for a path away from the Wounded Coast, a dirt path that led between trees and deep brush. Wow, this way up the mountain was stunning. The peak cresting over a cloud halo, dips and dales lined the entire way down the place. Trees of all different colours seemed to line the way up and down the mount, and what looked like ruins scattered among the whole lot.  
  
Shit, he wished there was such things as cameras here, because he'd be taking pictures of everything like a tourist.  
  
"Okay, well you know what the flower looks like," Hawke muttered looking up at the peak too, "divide and conquer."  
  
Alex nodded and set off down a path to the left, while Hawke went right.  
  
Harlot's blush, what a name for a flower. A blue long stemmed flower that grows in dark places. Yeah, not going to be hard at all to find-

* * *

  
  
Four fucking hours, he looked for the damn thing, hunting under trees, around rocks and shit. But no, he found the thing right next to a small animals cave. Sitting right outside, just, swaying in the cool breeze, mocking him.  
  
Alex stormed through the brush holding the bloody thing in his hand, like the evil thing it was. Several cuts went down his arms and one across his cheek when he had a fight with a bush. But shit, this was the most infuriating damn thing he has ever done in his damn-  
  
Alex stood there slack jawed at Hawke just sitting there on a fucking rock, where he bloody well left him! Oh that just pissed him off something rotten when he threw the sodding flower at the mans head.  
  
"You jerk!"  
  
Hawke practically fell off the rock, putting his hands up at Alex when he dropped his back pack on the ground, glaring at him, "Maker, I thought it'll give you time outside. Didn't think it would take this fucking long!"  
  
"Arsehole! You fucking jerk wanking ARSEHOLE!" Oh he was pissed, stalking forward to the man with his fists clenched. The sound of music started playing in his pack where he threw it down.  
  
"Hey, look at that, your actually speak- FUCK!" Hawke ended up on his back with Alex pinning him down, the man blinked a few times up at him in shock.  
  
"Arse."  
  
"Yeah I know. Told you I was trouble. Least you got the flower," Hawke smirked up at him, grabbing his hips.  
  
Alex lent down to the mans face, "The worst, Maurevar!"  
  
"I'm not- um- perhaps."  
  
Alex lent down even more with his hands on either side of Hawkes head, and groaned at the feeling between their legs. God, that... was fucking good. Hawkes fingers dug in more in his hips as he lent down further to his lips, "Jerk," he murmured against them.  
  
Oh sweet fuck, did Hawkes lips feel good again on his. The warmth going through them, going through him as Hawkes hands went to his arse, squeezing it as they kissed. His entire body practically vibrated when they slid their tongue across the others in a slow glide, Alex letting out a soft moan at that and the movement of his hips on Hawkes. Shit, it was more then good, it was intoxicating deepening the kiss, the mans hands gripping his backside even tighter.  
  
The sound of Portishead's 'Glory Box' echoed around the place, and holy fucking shit did that turn him on even more with the slow rock of his hips against Hawkes. And that, was intoxicating too, feeling that truly for the first time, and groaned hard in the kiss.  
  
The world turned, Alex ending up on his back but somehow the kiss didn't even break, infact it got deeper, more passionate with Hawke grinding onto him slowly in time with the music. Alex broke the kiss moaning out loud as he arched his neck, the other man taking advantage scraping his teeth down it, then licking back up. Oh sweet Mary and her little lamb, did that feel good.  
  
His hands go through Hawkes hair as the man kisses down his neck, and was that Hawkes hand undoing his laces, pulling them open? Oh fuck yeah, it is.  
  
"This," Hawke mutters against his ear, slowly sliding his hand down his now open pants, "music sounds like," Alex gasps feeling the hand on his cock, "fucking sex. You have no idea."  
  
Oh Alex does know, he's shoved his own hand down his knickers at it, when he was a she.  
  
A low groaning moan comes from his mouth throwing his head back even more, as the hand gently strokes him. His fingers twitching in Hawkes hair as he goes down his body. Oh God, is he, oh God, oh-  
  
"Fuuuck," he couldn't help but gasp out at Hawkes mouth on him, his tongue licking slowly down his 'never been touched other then take a piss' shaft, then back up to the head. Alex sucked in a breath between his teeth to look down at Hawke on his cock. It was beautiful to see, the mans tongue and mouth on him in that way, his exceptionally hooded pale blue eyes looking back up at him. He was now cursing God internally for not making him be born a man in the first place, if it felt this good.  
  
Alex threw his head back again as the man took his entire damn cock in his mouth, right down to the root, feeling Hawkes nose brush him before pulling back up slowly. It was almost too much feeling him do it again and again and again, sweet fuck Alex didn't want him to stop. He put a fist into his mouth, panting around it harshly when the warm tongue slowly licked his head, then back down his shaft then sucked both his balls gently into his mouth. It was too much, but not enough.  
  
He whined out loud when Hawke pulled off him completely, earning a small chuckle, "Take your clothes off, minx. Want to see the whole of you."  
  
He didn't need to be told twice when he sat up, undoing the buckles on his boots, then cursing that he even had them on. Shit, did his whole body ache with need watching Hawke strip out of his clothes just as quick, throwing them all to one side. Sweet fuck, Hawkes damn dick looked as gorgeous as he was. Alex swallowed slightly looking at the proud thing nestled in dark curls, then looked down at himself kicking out of his pants. Fuck, who cares, when he shucked out of his shirt tossing it away.  
  
"Sweet Maker, Alex. Your fucking gorgeous! All those," Hawke pushed him back to laying down again, "stunning tattoos. MMmm, I want to trace each one with my damned tongue, beautiful minx."  
  
Alex blushed hard looking at the man smiling down at him, tracing his own eyes down the mans body. Shit, he was just as gorgeous when he ran his fingers over the planes of Hawkes stomach up to his chest, the other man shuddering slightly at the contact. Hawke lent over him, running his hand down Alex's side gently to his thigh and squeezed it, "I'm going to do something thats going to feel, a little odd, okay. It wont hurt I promise."  
  
Alex frowned looking up at him feeling Hawkes hand heat on his thigh, then growled out an "Oh fuuuck," at the feeling. The muscles in his back relaxed, and so apparently did the ones in his backside, but holy sweet shit did that feel good.  
  
"I think someone liked that," the man chuckled, "So do I when I do it to myself. Magic isn't just for killing, can be good for a lot of other things, minx."  
  
"Uh huh," Alex murmured out then bit his lip when Hawke took his legs behind the knees, pushing them towards his chest a little. This, was really happening, shit, this was actually happening to him, right here, right now. He, was actually going to loose his damn male virginity to Hawke, in the woods of this place with the sexiest damn music still playing on a loop.  
  
Alex panted out as Hawke slowly slid into him, making them both moan at the feeling. His eyes slipped closed as he moaned even more, his head arching his neck again when the man hilted himself inside Alex. He wrapped one leg around Hawkes waist, the other held down by the man as he rolled his hips back, his own hands gripping into Hawkes hair arching his back off the ground.  
  
It was like the slowest sexiest dance Alex has ever done, the utter beauty of it was more erotic then he thought it would be. With Hawke rolling his entire body into Alex, the feeling of his fucking cock slowly going in and out of him, their mouths kissing languidly. He didn't give two shits that his own cock ached to be touched again, not with the roll of the man on top of him, not with how his mind swam deliciously.  
  
If this was making love, then he fucking well missed out on it all, when Hawke took both his thighs in his hands spreading them more as he lent up, his whole body seemed to move like a snake into Alex. God is was glorious to watch and feel, the mans eyes were closed, his mouth parted slightly at the slow slide into him. Alex was in a state of euphoric bliss looking at Hawke though his lashes, his own mouth panting, his fingers digging into the soft ground below him.  
  
Hawkes eyes opened slightly looking down at Alex, and smiled softly at him, "Your so fucking beautiful, you have no idea," he rolled his hips into him a little harder at each word, making Alex pant out harshly with each one.  
  
"Touch yourself for me, I want to watch."  
  
Alex bit his lip and shook his head. He's not even done that yet, gone straight from wanking to fucking instead.  
  
"Maker, please. I want to watch you do it," Hawke begged him. But fuck if it weren't sexy to see the sinuously sexy roll of his body, which just made Alex's cock ache with the need to be touched, and the begging from Hawke.  
  
Alex slowly took his right hand from the ground, putting it on his chest gently, and traced down slowly to his aching cock. Hawkes eyes go a little wide, gripping Alex's thighs even more as his fingers brushed down his cock. Alex closed his eyes again, letting his mouth part when he gently wrapped his fingers around himself, and slowly, began to stroke himself with each roll from Hawke in him.  
  
"Oh sweet fuck!"  
  
Alex couldn't agree more, licking his lips doing it more. This, was nothing like being a woman, rubbing yourself. This, was bloody well ten times more thrilling then that.  
  
He slowly opened his eyes, a small smirk crept up his face looking at Hawke: the man had small beads of sweat rolling down his temples, his tongue licking his lips, his eyes watching the movement of Alex's hand. He licked his own lips again fastening his pace a little, which just made Hawke grip his thighs even more, shuddering slightly. So, he did it more, his heart pounding hard in his chest at the assault on him.  
  
"MAKER ALEX!" Hawke shouted arching his back rolling harder and faster into Alex.  
  
Oh fuck... oh sweet, "Shit," Alex gasped out, the sinuous movement of Hawke spurring him on more.  
  
Hawke grits his teeth then grunts when he just starts to thrust into Alex harder. Oh God, whatever Hawke was doing, it was hitting something inside of Alex, making him pant harshly through his teeth at it. _Pleasedontstoppleasedontstopplease oh oh fuck ohfuckfuckfuck!_  
  
He lets his damned cock go at the onslaught, gripping the ground even more at the mans pounding in him. Fuck, he thinks he going to cum at it. No, he definitely was going to cum, with the way his mind blanked and practically screamed at the feeling, arching his entire body from the ground.  
  
Alex blinks his eyes open slowly, "There you are," a soft voice murmured in his ear, a hand going over his cheek, "I thought I lost you."  
  
"I still here," he murmurs back looking to the side at Hawke.  
  
"Maker, you passed out for a moment, I thought I hurt you."  
  
Alex just smiled at Hawkes concerned face, "No. God, was good."  
  
"Oh I know it, some of you hit my fucking face, you minx. Maker, I've never done shit like that before. Never," Hawke kissed his lips gently, before he chuckled, "You taste damn good too, minx. Felt even better. Your so beautiful, and gorgeous, and far too sinful."  
  
Alex nipped at his nose then snorted, rolling to his side to face him better, "So are you," he sighed putting his forehead on Hawkes.

* * *

  
  
"Makers fucking dick, where the fuck have you been Carver?"  
  
Carver shrugged slamming the front door, kicking off his boots, "Out."  
  
"I can see that, where?" Maurevar wasn't in the mood for his shit right now, not with packing for the deep roads. And the fact it's been fucking days since he's seen his brother, again.  
  
"Just... out," Carver slumped his shoulders, practically running to their bedroom.  
  
What the fuck was that all about? Maurevar shook his head resuming the packing. Soft sobbing came through the bedroom door, making Maurevar grind his teeth throwing everything down on the floor.  
  
Ugh, great, thats all he needs right now.  
  
"Carv, whats going on?" he pushed the bedroom door open, then nearly got clocked in the face with one of Carvers books, "MAKER WHAT THE FUCK!"  
  
"Just leave me alone, Mauri."  
  
He sat down next to his brother, brushing his hair away from his face, "Who hurt you, Carv?"  
  
Carver just shook his head, curling up more. Well fuck, they didn't need this shit right now, "Brother, whatever happened, it's going to be fine, okay. I gotta pack and so do you."  
  
"I don't wanna go," Carver mumbled out, "not any more."  
  
"Maker fucking dammit Carver! I'm not going without you!"  
  
"I'M NOT GOING! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"  
  
"What happened? Tell me Carv," he took his brothers chin in his hand turning it towards his, "Tell me, now."  
  
"I fucked up, thats what," his brother choked out, slapping his hand away, "Maker, I fucked up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Portishead x André Regis - Glory Box (Extended) - https://youtu.be/26ncoyFu87g  
> the craft (portishead glory box ) scorn remix 1994 - https://youtu.be/F_J2VKumPfw
> 
> This, is actually my first M/M scene I've ever done. This is litrally the first time Alex has sex as a man. *shrugs and eats icecream* So yeah... it's short I know. For now. Want some icecream?


	10. Everybody Hurts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has one hell of a surprise. Gets upset then gets angry, and pulls his big boys pants up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Hence Dubious Consent tag up top.)

**9:33 Dragon - Firstfall .**  
  
Grabbing his pack, he flew out his room slamming the door behind him.  
  
He can't believe he fucking well slept in, today of all days. Right when they where all going to the deep roads, and he wanted to say goodbye to them all. Shit, he was so fucking late it wasn't even funny.  
  
Alex danced around the people milling around the weekend market, skirting people trying to hawk their wares at him, running past the blacksmith to the Hightown steps. He wanted to give Maurevar one hell of a send off kiss.  
  
Alex's legs pounded up the steps, his legs touching down in a beat to his damn heart, pushing further up them. Fuck, he hoped to everything he didn't miss the whole thing.  
  
Toffviller's scoffed at him going by, like he gave a shit what these tossers thought about him running through them all. Fanning their faces or waving him off like he was dirt. Cunts, the whole-  
  
There they are. Thank fuck for that.  
  
A smiled crept up his face, slowing down, then grabbed Anders by his waist swinging him around in a circle.  
  
"Maker!" the mage squealed when Alex lets him go.  
  
"Wanted say goodbye," Alex grinned, "Thought I miss all."  
  
Anders shook his head at him, bringing him in for a hug, "Not yet. Waiting on Aveline, and then the brothers to stop arguing at Varric's brother," he waved a hand at the building.  
  
Good, good, he was glad they where all still here.  
  
"Hey Menace, seeing us off, huh?" the dwarf sauntered up smiling.  
  
"Yup, can no say goodbye when I no there," Alex snickered.  
  
Varric's face fell slightly looking over his shoulder, "Menace, theres something you should know."  
  
"What that?" Alex frowned at him, then looked up at the arguing spilling out into the square.  
  
"Makers fucking sake you dick, we're the ones paying for this shit. You can-"  
  
"Listen to me BOY, took you over a sodding year to pay me! SO I can and I will. You do as I say, they," a dwarf that looked like an older bearded Varric sneered up at Hawke, "will do as I say. And I say, five more sovereigns!"  
  
"Fuck you! We ain't gonn-"  
  
Alex's face fell, looking at them all in the middle of the square. There were...  
  
"Oh no," one of them muttered looking right at him, his own face falling trying to hide behind-  
  
No, this wasn't happening, this can't be happening to him. This can't be fucking happening to him! There... were...  
  
"Maker, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Alex."  
  
"Carver, what the fuck?"  
  
Everyone looked at Alex, then at the one called Carver. Alex's heart felt like it burst in his damn chest looking at them both standing there. There were... twins. Identical fucking twins!  
  
He felt sick, backing off. God, this isn't happening!  
  
Alex shouted pointing his finger at the one hiding, shaking as tears streamed down his face, "Was you, was fucking YOU!"  
  
"Carver, what the fuck did you- Please tell me- WHAT DID YOU DO!" Hawke.. a Hawke rounded on the other Hawke grabbing him by his collar.  
  
The other one trying to back off even more, shaking his head at his brother, "Maker, I'm so sorry, Mauri. I, I just- I'M SORRY!"  
  
"Thats what you fucking meant?" one of the Hawkes ground out, "You fucking slept with him pretending to be me, didn't you! Maker Carver, I trusted you not to fuck up and you do- YOU SON OF A BITCH!"  
  
Alex's mind swam as the twins fought in the street. Fists flying at each other, venomous words being spouted. But Alex's mind swam backing off even more from them all, from the crowd that formed around them to watch, from Varric and Anders shocked faces looking at him. Wasn't it rape? Wasn't it when you had no idea? He felt used. He was going to be sick.  
  
Alex turned around and fled away from them all, choking.

* * *

  
  
Night had set in hard, and not one of them found Alex. He had just vanished into thin air.  
  
None of the locals knew where he went either, not like he was hard to miss as it were. They even went to that woman, Lirene, even she hadn't seen him. No-one has. This, was getting disconcerting, especially with the unsavouries out at night.  
  
The others left after Anders healed Maurevar, for the deep roads, leaving the rest of them to deal with the aftermath. Even Carver had ran off after the beating his brother gave him for what he did. No amount of apologies were going to fix any of that, not any more. There was already a rift between the brothers as it was, because of Carver not saving their sister in time.  
  
Justice sighed, lowering his head. Everyone else had gone back to the tavern, hoping Alex will come back, but he would stay awake for days if necessary to find him. There were too many slavers in this city as it were, eager to take any unsuspecting person to Tevinter. Let alone Templars stalking everywhere.  
  
He was more glad now then ever to be free from Anders, to be free from the poison that was seeping into him from the mages hate and the Taint running through him. He hated feeling like he did in the mage, but still didn't stop the other side of him coming through every time he saw Templars or someone being hurt. He sighed again leaning against the railing down to the docks.  
  
Would Alex go to the Dalish? No, unlikely, he has yet to see them. The Qunari wouldn't take him either. Though, he did ask them to watch out for the boy, just for tonight.  
  
Justice pushed away from the railing in frustration, running a hand through his hair, then huffed feeling it in his fingers. It was getting longer, his hair, was actually growing being here in the mortal realm. He, was growing just as much here when he set off again. So many different feelings going through him, memories from both Anders and Kristoff mingling with his own, was disorientating at times. Confusing every sense he has, every single one.  
  
A few elves dart past him coming from the opened gates of the Alienage, giggling as they run through Lowtown. Such an injustice that was, caging them all because they were elves. But still the gates were...  
  
Open.  
  
Justice sets off down the Alienage's steep steps, looking about himself just incase. The huge tree swallowed up the nights sky above him when he gets down to the bottom, and looks down at the last step.  
  
Thats where they first met the elf, who took the heart out of a slaver. He was impressed by the feat, but not after the elf shouted his displeasure at Hawke, his brother and Anders being mages. And when he found out about himself, well, it was worse. That... hurt Justice. Being called a demon by everyone. It, hurt. He never felt hurt before. But that was what he felt when they all saw him that way after the Chantry.  
  
Justice frowned looking down at the still there dark spot on the floor.  
  
It was not his fault what he did. He could not stop what was happening no more then Anders could. Neither of them could hear the other over the rushing sounds going through them, the anger that rippled through them both. He, hated that too.  
  
A soft sob made him frown even more, looking about himself. Another sob made him tilt his head at the sound near the tree. He, knows that soft sound.  
  
"Alex?" he said quietly.  
  
"Go, way."  
  
Justice sighed out walking slowly to the huge tree. Indeed, Alex was sitting under it with his head on his knees, sobbing into them.  
  
"We have been looking for you. We," he knelt down near him, "are all worried."  
  
Alex choked on another sob, drawing his knees up even more against him, "Don't care."  
  
"Alex-"  
  
"NO!" he looked up at Justice, and his breath was taken away from his lungs at Alex's face. So much hurt and pain in those eyes of his. He has never seen so much hurt from someone, not even Anders. Not even in the fade.  
  
"Please, you must come back. You cannot stay here."  
  
Alex just shook his head and slammed his face back down on his knees, sobbing even harder into them. Justice sighed out again sitting down fully against the tree, resting his back on it, looking up at the trees leaves quivering. He sifted through the memories of Anders and Kristoff, trying to find the right way to deal with this and felt a weight on his chest. He looked down at Alex's dark brown hair resting there.  
  
"I hurt."  
  
Justice nodded, "I know. I, have hurt too. It is not pleasant."  
  
Alex shook on his chest, "I don know what to do."  
  
"Would it help if I punched his face if we see him again?"  
  
"No. I jus want know why," Alex pushed his face further in Justice's body, "don know who I-" he broke back into sobs on his chest.  
  
Justice felt just as hurt for him. There was no need for the deception, there was no need for any of that. Hawke was so angry when he found them all, telling them all what his twin had done in his name. They all knew Carver took the jobs his brother didn't want to do, posing as him so nobody could tell the difference. But to do that, to go that far? Justice just didn't understand it.  
  
The dwarf tried telling Alex many times apparently, but to no avail. This was a mess.  
  
"We should go, Alex," he murmured, "You need to tell your friends that you are alright."  
  
Alex lifted his head from his chest, not looking at Justice, "Can no face them. I feel, I feel... They all will look me like dirt."  
  
"No they wont. They wont! The whore is most unhappy to hear all of this, Alex. We all were. I will hit him, just so you know."  
  
Justice stood then held out his hand to Alex, helping him stand, "Now come, you have not eaten all day. If you do not move I will be forced to carry you back there."  
  
"I don feel like walkin."  
  
Justice dipped his head, "As you wish," bent down and picked Alex up, "You are getting too light, Alex. You need to eat more."  
  
His arms went around his neck, Alex pushing his face into Justice's shoulder, his legs wrapping around him as he carried him out of the Alienage. Elves were looking at them when he went up the steep steps, his arms around Alex's back and head carrying him through Lowtown to the tavern. His heart felt heavy for Alex, felt heavy and... something he still couldn't put a name to. He tried going through memories when it happened before, and all he came up with from Anders and Kristoff was... affection?  
  
He had to ask the mage what both affection and attraction were sometime ago, then asking Alex what it meant. Justice still didn't quite get it.  
  
The door to the tavern was open, the sound of gentle music and talking came through the open door. Smoke and the smell of stale- well Justice didn't care what it was, it all smelt bad to him. He carried Alex up to the dwarfs room, the door there too, was open.  
  
"Oh, OH PUP!"  
  
"Lethallin, oh thank the creators!"  
  
The elf lets out a sigh when Alex jumps down from Justice's arms and flung himself at him. Justice, felt... empty when the other two join in the hug, and lowered his head, leaving them all to it. It was not meant for him. Never would be.  
  
"Fasta Vass, demon, why are you not doing this too?"  
  
Justice frowned looking over his shoulder at the elf huffing, then waving his hand at him to join them.  
  
"I," he shook his head and got pulled in as well, "fine."  
  
"Maker, pup, I'm gonna kill that shit when I find him. Auntie Isabela has your back sweetie."  
  
"Venhedis, do not give me ideas!"  
  
"Creators, I can't breathe... who's hand is that?"  
  
"Sorry, kitten. Wait, no I'm not."  
  
Justice lets out another huff at them all, "Can someone please buy Alex something to eat? And me? And a room? I will not be staying down in that clinic on my own."

* * *

  
  
The book blurred while Alex was trying to write in it. Little droplets of water started to stain the page, which just frustrated him the more it blurred. He was trying to write every fucking thing down that happened in the past few days since the shit up in Hightown, but all he was doing was crying bloody angry tears instead.  
  
He was so angry, so hurt, so... USED!  
  
Alex picked up the book and threw it against the door which was opening, a soft 'oohff' made him flinch, then got angry again shoving everything on the table onto the floor. Glass broke, water dripped down the side of the table, his pencils scattered all over the floor, but he didn't fucking care.  
  
Alex fisted his hands by his side and ground his teeth hard as the door shut, the sound of feet crunching on the fucking broken glass he put there. He was too damn mother fucking angry to even see who the fuck it was in the suite with him. A tray was put on the table with food. Alex scoffed looking at it, he didn't care to eat right now, he wanted to fucking drink himself into a stupor, and maybe scrub the dirty feeling he had crawling all over his damn fucking-  
  
"Alex, I-"  
  
He flinched at the voice going stiff, his finger nails digging hard into his palms. He didn't want to know right now, he didn't care, and flung the entire tray into Carver's fucking chest.  
  
"You, use me!" Alex growled, pointing at him, "You... used me."  
  
"Maker, no, I didn't. You have to believe me. I didn't," Carver choked out, "I-"  
  
Alex shoved Carver hard into the wall, pushing his nose into his face, "Rape," he spat at him pinning him harder against it, "is what is. You no fucking tell me. YOU LIE TO ME!"  
  
"WHAT! Maker no, it- shit. Sweet Maker it- I- No!"  
  
The other man was still bloody, still had the black eyes, the split lips, the busted knuckles where he and his God damn brother fought. Alex shook his head, sneering his lip up at him, pushing his face further into Carvers, "Who told me those things, huh? You or Maurevar? Cos rite now, I don know."  
  
Carver shook against him, his bottom lip trembled as he swallowed, "You have to believe me, you have to believe I still meant every word. I'm sorry, Maker I'm so sorry" he whispered out that last part trying to slump down the wall.  
  
"Why?" Alex pushed against him hard to keep him standing.  
  
"Because my fucking brother has to be better then me. At everything," Carver clamped his eyes shut as his own tears fell, "Blamed me for Bethany. Blamed me for dad. Blamed me for everything thats ever gone wrong. Why I fucking run away so much. Alex, please, believe me."  
  
"Why should I. You lie, you hurt, you do this to me," he waved a hand around the room, "They all will kill you, they find you here. You lucky they no here, Carver."  
  
"I know," the man whispers out, "I'm the horrible twin, apparently. Because I'm not like HIM. I, didn't mean to lie to you, I swear. I thought," Carver choked back another sob, shaking even more, "I thought if you believed I was Mauri, that you'd like me more. He gets everyone, and I get fuck all."  
  
Alex frowned looking at him. Carver had no damn reason to hide behind his fucking twin brother, had NO reason to lie to him about who he was. But why the fuck, "Why no-one tell me there two you? Why they no tell me that?"  
  
"They like to forget I exist sometimes," Carver sucks in a deep breath and looks into Alex's eyes, "Maker, I just keep fucking up, over and over again. All I want is," he sucked in another deep breath, "all I want is something for me again. And I fucked that up. Nothing I say will fix this, will it? Nothing."  
  
"Alex, why is your book... what is all this glass on the- YOU!"  
  
Well... shit. Justice would happen to be the one walking through the door like the thunderstorm he is. He shook pointing right at Carver, who, tried to both slump down the wall and back away from the man, shaking. Alex shook his head, pushing on him even more, pinning him to the wall as he looked over at Justice seething, roiling, the air popping and snapping wildly making the hairs on his arm raise slightly.  
  
Alex lowered his head at Justice, "No. I told you no. Told all no. I found out why, so no hit."  
  
"Pup, why the fuck are you defending that piece of shit? Let me at him, Auntie Isabela has her ways, sweetie," the pirate smirked behind the walking thunderstorm.  
  
"NO!"  
  
Justice wrinkled his nose up at Alex, "After what he has done to you? The whore is right, why do you defend him?"  
  
"Becos he need to earn trust again," he looked back at Carver through his lashes, "You be who you are, no hide behin Maurevar, you be Carver. Earn trust with all us, then we see, yeah."  
  
"I, I accept that. Thank you," Carver bit his lip then started crying again, dropping his head on Alex's shoulder.  
  
Alex just sighed still holding him up on the wall, and looked over at the rest of them coming in, seething and shook his head, "No hit, no fite, no kill. No guard, nuthin. None of you. He need healing, get stuff. Justin, help me take him my room, please."  
  
"Alex-"  
  
"I SAID HELP ME! You want fite, go fuck out side and do that," he growled out at them all, "No of you told me there be twins, NONE OF YOU!"  
  
Isabela lowered her head looking away, as did Fenris and Merrill. Justice just sighed out loud pushing Alex out the way to take Carver, pulling him through the suite by his arm, the other man flinches and shakes. Alex narrowed his eyes at them all, they all knew they did just as wrong in not telling him shit, never telling him anything because he was the new kid on the block.  
  
Well not any more.  
  
"You want help me, you tell me all. You no keep any secret from me, none," he growled again making Merrill gasp out at his anger, "I done be rabbit in headlight. New life, new rules."  
  
He barged past them all going to his room. He could hear Justice talk to Carver quietly behind the partially open door and listened.  
  
"You do not deserve a second chance, Carver, none what so ever. But you will have it because he said so. I trusted you, and you throw that back in my face, in his face, in all their faces, because you want to be like your brother?"  
  
"Because he wanted me to be him, Justice," Carver choked out sitting on Alex's bed, "I'm fucking well not him! Sweet Maker, I fucked up so bad. Blame me all you want I don't care. You just don't know shit about what goes on behind closed doors, Justice. Fuck, just leave me alone."  
  
"If you do not wish to be him, then why follow, why do what he tells you too?"  
  
Carver sighs out looking up at the older man, "Because nothing would get done. He's just going to take all the glory as it is, so why bother."  
  
"Then make own path, Carver. What you tell me in bar?" Alex shuts the door behind him, folding his own arms over his too damn skinny chest.  
  
"New life, new rules. Maker, I'm trying, I really am."  
  
Alex nodded his head sharply once then looked at Justice, "That go you too, Justin. He not wrong," Alex waved a hand at Carver, "But he need bath and clothes. Where pack Carver?"  
  
Carver just shrugged, "At Gamlen's. I just threw it in the door then got told to piss off, and stop dropping blood on the floor," he scoffed, "as if it mattered in that dump."  
  
"I shall go retrieve it." Justice left, leaving Alex and Carver in the room alone.  
  
Shit.  
  
Alex sighed out walking over to the bath, and ran the taps putting the salts in. He should be more frothing mad at the man on his bed, he should be calling the police, dragging the fucking guards down here putting Carver in prison. But he just couldn't do it. Oh yeah, he was still angry, he was angry at him and the rest of them for keeping him out the loop. He was angry at Maurevar for not saying shit too. He said yes to him, but yet Carver used his brothers name to sleep with him? A lie is a lie.  
  
"Why you no be self, Carver? Why lie to me? What else was lie?"  
  
Carver hiccuped, "I didn't want to lie to you, Alex. I really didn't. I just thought it would be easier if you thought I was Mauri, everyone else thinks I am all the time anyway. Maker, I never lied about the whole Peaches thing, nor," he hiccuped again when Alex turned around, "being with only one other man. Everyone expects me to be like Mauri, be the hero like he supposedly is, not a fucking man loving failure thats a disgrace to mothers damned Amell name."  
  
"So, who fou-found me on beach? You or-"  
  
"Mauri did. Then I took you back there. I was the one who took you to Darktown, but shit, I flirted way too much. I know that," he tried to smile at Alex, which fell flat when he looked down at the floor, "Mauri beat the shit out of for that, by the way, bringing you along when you weren't ready. You know, half the time he sat at home doing nothing, while I did it all, then he takes all the praise."  
  
"I see. No more lie. No more hurt anyone no more, kay. You be self, you change look if need be, change hair," Alex tugged on his fringe, "but you earn trust back with me, yeah. Take time forgive, do not break it."

* * *

  
  
The door to his room opened then shut, Alex lent his head on it before heaving out a sigh against the wood.  
  
"Alex? What are you doing in here?"  
  
"He sleep in my room. No want to sleep with Izzy and Merrill," Alex chuckled pushing away, "I sleep on floor, kay."  
  
Justice snorted when Alex faced him and patted the bed, "I do not sleep much as it is. Bed is large enough for three, I think."  
  
"Bloody hell! Sure I not in Izzy room?"  
  
"Do you need sleep or not?" Justice moved on the bed, giving Alex room when he sat up against the headboard. Plenty of room.  
  
Alex just smirked as he flopped down next to him, then lets out another sigh wriggling around, "Is very comfy. And no be grumpy," he looks up at Justice, "I am sleepy, now shush."  
  
Justice barked out a laugh then stopped, he has never done anything like that when he looks down at Alex smiling up at him with his eyes shut. He has never laughed before, has never done half the things he is doing now. Especially what was going through him at the moment, wanting to brushing the hair from Alex's face. Confusion ran through him once more.  
  
He just shook his head picking his book up again, then carried on from where he left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts - https://youtu.be/5rOiW_xY-kc
> 
> Justice resembles Pat Tillman. (R.I.P) If you don't know who that is, I HIGHLY suggest go looking him up.


	11. A Brief Interlude.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra is stunned.

**9:40 Dragon - The Hawke Mansion.**  
  
Cassandra stopped pacing and sat heavily down on her chair opposite Varric. The dwarf looked sullen as he traced the portrait's again, letting out a loud sigh into the room.  
  
"I cannot believe- I- why would he do that?" she asks him with her eyes huge.  
  
Varric shrugged not even looking at her, "Because at the time it made sense? Suppose it did really, considering what happened later."  
  
"But how do yo-"  
  
"How do I know what happened? Because they sodding told me. I read his book too, everything!" he snapped at her, "I had eyes and ears everywhere too, Seeker. If I didn't know what was going on, my network told me, alright!"  
  
Cassandra sat back in her chair watching the dwarf suck in several deep breath's, letting each one out slowly, she could seen the sheen in his eyes when he spoke of his friend's. She closed her own gauging how to ask the next thing.  
  
"Do you believe that, there is, that there is more out there? Is, more then what we know? It would go against everything that the Chantry stands for."  
  
Varric snapped the book shut and picked up the manuscript waving it at her, "None of us believed them at the time, none of us. But the longer we knew each other, the more it seemed likely. They were different, would always be different. Doesn't make, doesn't-"  
  
"Sorry," Cassandra muttered rubbing both her temple's, "It, just seemed unlikely. And the Champi-"  
  
"No, don't you dare go there," Varric spat again throwing the manuscript at her, "You know what I was told once, by my fucking friend, what he told me?"  
  
Cassandra shook her head at him, swallowing slightly as the dwarf grit his teeth at her.  
  
"He said, 'Everything happens for a reason, everything.' And you know what, he was right, everything DID happen for a reason. No matter what any of them went through," he grounded out at her pointing his finger, "it happened. Are we done here?"  
  
"I need you to continue, if you could, Varric."  
  
"Good, because I'm nowhere near being done yet. Now, where was I? Oh yeah-"


	12. Narayan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Carver have a minor chat, then Justice tells Alex more about himself on the Wounded Coast. An elven child murderer is also revealed. (Warning- Maybe a little distrubing for some people.)

**9:33 Dragon - Firstfall.**  
  
"Pup," Isabela warned.  
  
"No."  
  
"Don't make me say it again, pup."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up, slamming his journal shut, "Then don. We gonna do what Birdy won't, kay. Carver join us, nuff said."  
  
Isabela smirked wide at him from the other side of the table, "Maker, I love the bite, pup. But you do know we're all going to watch him, right."  
  
"We got list, we do list. We make money, I no see problem. You no like idea Carver join, then there door," he points just as aforementioned man comes in.  
  
"Well shit, couldn't of times that better, pup."  
  
Alex just snorts a chuckle waving his hand at her, "Go stuff self with someone cock, huh. Take Merrill with you."  
  
"Oh maker, I didn't want to fucking hear that," Carver mutters as he sits down at the table.  
  
"I still wanna hear you moan out loud with a cock stuffed up yours, pup!"  
  
Alex threw his water cup at her when she darted out the room cackling like a fucking witch. The cup pinged off the door and landed in his lap. Alex just stares at it before he bursts out laughing at the absurdity of the bloody situation, putting it back on the table. He couldn't do that again if he tried.  
  
He pulled over the letter for him left by one of Varric's messengers and stared at that too. This, was the first one he's ever gotten here. The very first one, and turned it around in his hand looking at the sprawling letters going across the heavy fine paper. His first, middle, and last three fucking names were written on it. How the fuck did anyone know? He's never told anyone what they all were.  
  
"Ugh, snoopy fucking dwarf," he mutters opening the letter up.  
  
"He is that," a quiet voice on the other side of the table said, "never could leave well enough alone."  
  
Alex just nodded reading over the words then frowned, "Black Emporium? What that?"  
  
"Oh sweet fuck no. Your not going there!"  
  
"Why?" he frowned at Carver, who, was just looking down in his lap.  
  
The other man shook his head, "Ask Justice what happened the last time we were all there. Place is nothing but trouble."  
  
Alex might when the older man comes back.  
  
He smirked to himself looking over the letter again. He had woken up with his head on Justice's chest every damn time he slept in his bed. God was it nice, the heady sweet smell coming from the other man, lulling him to sleep, waking him up, going right through him. The sweet heady scent and the smell of the thunderstorm he was.  
  
Made Alex ache a little with the smell, but fuck, he wasn't going to do shit about it at the moment.  
  
"You want own room yet?"  
  
Carver just shrugged still looking at his lap, "If you want. I told you I could sleep on the floor, you didn't need to bunk with Justice."  
  
"Is been fortnight, Carver. You either take new room or sleep in Varric bed."  
  
"I'll sleep in Varric's bed."  
  
Alex nodded putting the letter in his journal between pages, and skimmed over what he wrote. Fuck it, if the snoopy dwarf wanted to be nosey when he gets back, he's going to have a LOT to go through. Hmm...  
  
"How long they be away in deep road again? I don memba anyone tell me, or I forget."  
  
"About three months, give or take a few weeks. May as well round off to four months."  
  
He nodded again writing that in todays margin. Alex tapped the pages with his pencil looking at the other man, who, still wasn't looking at him, and lets out a long sigh slamming the pencil down.  
  
"Stop do that. You better then that," he huffed out sitting back in his chair, "I see with open eye now, Carver. I need change too. I no just woman from England, I am man in Thedas too. I no can go back, no matter what happen. All can do is grow, change, be both man and woman. So you need change too, be differ then brother, grow. No lies."  
  
"Maker, you make it all sound so fucking easy," Carver sullenly looking up at him, "I'm not my twin."  
  
Alex slammed his hand down on the table as he stood, making Carver flinch, "Yup. You not brother, you be self. You do own thing, stop follow in shadow!"  
  
"His shadows pretty damned fucking fat. Spreads out like a cancer smothering everything with it," Carver sighs running his hand through his hair as he sat back, "Fine, fine, I'll lead, how about that. You do know that lot wont exactly follow me any more, right. Not going to trust a damn thing about me."  
  
"Then make trust you," Alex crossed his arms over his chest, "make all see you, not shadow. Earn it."  
  
"Alex, are we... are we going to be alright? I just- Makers fucking balls, shut up Carver."  
  
"Earn. It. Back. I no say nuthin, kay. You hurt me, you lie to me, so you work it back. But," Alex narrowed his eyes at the man, "I no make promise, kay."  
  
Carver nodded running his hand through his hair again, letting out a breath when he nods again, "I understand. I better go get my hair cut then. Maker I hope Lirene doesn't slit my fucking throat or something."  
  
"She no do that," Alex snorted, "I say not to."  


* * *

  
  
"Pup, remember what I showed you. Do it slowly, then work your way up. Take your time."  
  
"I memba."  
  
"Make me proud, pup."  
  
Alex smirked at her, pulling the smoke grenade from his belt, and waited. Both he and Isabela were waiting in the brush for the enemy to come out and play. But fuck, if they weren't taking their bloody sweet time in doing so. And he was getting fucking antsy hidden away behind the bush.  
  
He squinted his eyes at the dark shapes coming up the path, and grinned holding the grenade in his hand tight. Closer, closer, just... he dropped the thing, the puff of smoke making him invisible in the night. He slipped out from the bush, Isabela watching everything he does.  
  
A figure loomed in-front of him, giving Alex time to slip out the daggers from his hips slowly.  
  
_Slice across neck or right in the spine? No, spine, quick and easy, drag them into bush without sound._  
  
Alex nodded and thrusted his dagger in the enemies spine. The man grunted, falling back on Alex when he puts his hand over the mans mouth to silence him, then pulled him into the bush, laying him down to go to the next.  
  
"Come out, we know your there!"  
  
Alex hid a smirk behind another smoke bomb, stalking his way over to the speaker.  
  
_Neck slice, no-where to hide body, leave in open. Other person he will fight._  
  
The speaker turned around with his weapon out, trying to find where Alex was, then dropped to the ground as his neck was sliced open. The other enemy hoisted his sword and shield higher, his sword out in-front of him when Alex came from the shadows.  
  
"We play now," he smirks twirling his daggers in his hands, then pointed it at the other man, blowing a kiss.  
  
"My pleasure," the deep voice rang out.  
  
Oh, this was going to be good. Alex rolled out of the mans way when he thrusted his sword out, then kicked the mans leg in the knee. The man grunted putting his shield out first, trying to knock Alex over.  
  
He just rolled out the way again, ducking under the shield when the man brought it down. He saw his opportunity when the man turned on his heal to charge Alex again, and sliced through the mans bicep, the shield arm going limp. He kicked the sword away when the man stumbled, then jumped on him, sending them both to the ground. Alex laid his blade across the mans neck while he straddled him and grinned.  
  
"Dead."  
  
"So it would seem."  
  
"Justin, you hold back, no hold back!" Alex whined dropping the bloody fake daggers in the sand, "Too easy!"  
  
Fenris snorted then giggled from the bushes, "Easy he says. Venhedis, I was the first one down. Well done, Alex."  
  
"Yeah well, I was left in the fucking dirt. Thanks by the way," Carver mumbled brushing his pants.  
  
"I did not want to hurt you, so I held back."  
  
"Justin," Alex chastised, "How I know fite if you hold back? They no will hold back."  
  
"Not all enemies know how to fight properly as it is, Alex. Most are just people who want a quick coin, or thrusted into roles as bandits and slavers. You already have far better training then they have by what you have done so far, and what we are all teaching you," Justice sort of smiled up at him.  
  
"He has a point, pup. Well anyway, you boys have fun. I," Isabela smirked fluffing up her hair, "am going back to camp where its warm. Ta-ta."  
  
Alex rolled off Justice laughing, the others too, making their way back to camp. Ugh, he still didn't think he was ready for any of this, but at least the others agreed to let Carver take the lead. As it should be. He looked up at the fat puffy clouds lazily making their way across the chilly starred night sky, the two moons chasing each other across it. God, it was beautiful to see, a whole new sky to look up at, but almost seeing familiar shapes within the scape.  
  
He traced his fingers in what he calls the 'Major Ursa Major' and smiles at it. Even with having no idea where in the universe he was, there would always be small part of the Milky Way when he traces his fingers over 'Orion'.  
  
"It is beautiful up there, is it not?"  
  
Alex bolted up right at Justice's voice right next to him, "I thought you go!"  
  
"No. I wanted to make sure you would not come to harm being on your own," Justice smiled at him. Holy shit, it... was an actual smile this time. Alex thought his breath was stolen when he looked at it, then blushed, laying back down.  
  
"Kay then." Dammit if his heart wasn't beating like a damned drum in his chest looking back up at the sky, "It, is beatful. Remind me home sometimes. I know not the same, but I see some same pattern in star as home."  
  
"Did you look up at it often?"  
  
Alex puffed out his breath, putting his arms under his head, "Got hard to. Many light take away sky, make it hard to see. Me, da and brotha go out of city to see star when younger. I miss it a lot when got older. But now," Alex looked over at Justice, "I get see star again."  
  
"Anders would say that was being, romantic? He wanted to look at the stars when he escaped from the circle often," Justice looked back up at the sky, "In mortals dreams we saw the stars as they thought they saw them. But I see the reality of it all, and it is much more, beautiful."  
  
"Now who be romantic," Alex chuckled.  
  
"From what I understand, there is nothing wrong with being romantic," the older man huffed, "Though it appears not many people are. They do not see the beauty in this world or mine. All they see is nothing but greed and petty issues, demons and monsters. They do not look about themselves, they do not look up."  
  
Alex nodded on his arm before rolling onto his side, "Mmm hmm. I watch a spider make web long time go. Sat watching little thing, then watch her catch bugs, wrap them up for later. Da laughed at me, said I sat hours watching little spider."  
  
"Indeed, as did I. I saw many a thing back at Vigil's keep with Anders and Nathaniel, the Commander and the others. I, I do miss it sometimes, being there with them, but," Justice furrowed his brow, "it was also not a very good time either. I learned many things but yet, me and Anders joined. I would never have done such a thing if I were in a better position. I still do not know what even made me do so any more."  
  
Alex frowned a little, putting his head on the palm of his hand to look down at the older man, "Betta, position?"  
  
"I, was trapped within the body of a dead man, Alex. His name was Kristoff, who was murdered by Darkspawn to bring the Commander and his fellow Wardens to the Blackmarsh. It worked, then they all were sent to my realm unjustly so. I was at the time, helping villagers whom were trapped within a nightmare created by a blood mage. When all was over and she sundered the veil, I was, trapped within his decaying body."  
  
Justice heaved out a long sigh, and closed his eyes, "I was very confused, I did not want to be in this realm, I never wanted to be here. But there I was, trapped in the dead mans body, reliving his final moments over and over again, reliving memories that were not my own. The Commander had tried to help me, but what could he have done?" Justice opened his eyes and looked at Alex, "Anders and I fought about his selfishness, about not wanting to free his fellow mages. And then Templars infiltrated the Grey Wardens, to watch Anders, to watch us all after the Commander left.  
  
Rolan, was one of the Templars name, he tried to rape Anders several times when he thought no-one was around. Then, I lost track of time, my body decayed which was making my mind sunder. I, barely remember what happened when we joined, or who suggested such a thing, whether it were me or him. But I do remember a sword piercing Anders chest, in his heart, and I laughed pulling it free," Justice tapped his chest, "I have the same scar as he does. But, everything was noise after that, noise, hate and fear and things I did not want to experience any longer."  
  
Alex felt his lashes slightly stick together when he blinked, he bit his lip looking down at the ground between them, "He made you hate. He, made you be not what you meant to be, rite?"  
  
"Yes. The Taint within him was corrupting me also, twisting me. We could no longer hear the other, we could not see what we were doing. I, was blind. I became Blind Justice, or as the mortals here call it, Vengeance. His hate and my fear fought against the other, and then," he closed his eyes again, "the Black Emporium happened. Anders was trying to find a way to free us both, looking through forbidden texts, any trinkets that would help. But all it took was a stray piece of frustrated magic from him and a mirror, and I am now here."  
  
"A, mirror? What kind mirror can do that?" Alex was perplexed.  
  
"One that can change ones appearance, that can change who you are. I do not believe it was meant to have been used in such a manor, but with that place, who knows."  
  
A million and one things ran through his head. A mirror that can change how you look. Alex looked down at his body and blinked a few times. Would he want to change who he was now? Would he want to be a woman again? He shook his head slightly, though a little more muscle definition would be-  
  
"I know what you are thinking, Alex. You are fine as you are," Justice shook him out of his thoughts and looked at him, "If you were given a new chance at life, then why change what you are now for what you were before? I am happy, I am free from Anders poison, which is not his fault nor mine, and I am happy to have my own body."  
  
Alex huffed a small laugh, "No read mind. I think it, no mean I want it. Maybe better body, not so skinny."  
  
"Then eat more, do not trust a thing that can do something unpredictably."  
  
"Suppose. Feed me," he grinned and lent down to Justice's face, "have sumthing tasty?"  
  
Justice just smiled wide at him, and God, did that look damn nice on him, "All I have is myself. If you want food, then go back to camp."  
  
"Bugger," Alex chuckled when he went to lean back up, only to have Justice put his hand behind his head holding him there. Alex's mouth parted slightly as the other man searched his eyes, feeling his pulse quicken when Justice lent up and kissed him.  
  
God, Krishna, this fucking Maker and some bitch Andraste, he felt like he was kissing a lightening bolt. A lightening bolt that jolted right through him, right through his body and out into the ground underneath him. It. Was. Fucking. Beautiful. The lips against his were fucking beautiful as well: Soft, warm, hesitant and questioning.  
  
Alex closed his eyes pushing harder against the warm softness, his body moving to straddle the other man. Fuck, if he didn't card his hands through Justice's hair when he sucked his lip then ran his tongue across it, the mans hands going down to his hips holding him there on him.  
  
Justice moaned when Alex rocked gently against the bulge he could feel on his, slicking his tongue over the one that feels like lightening. It tastes like it too when he delves further into the mans mouth, plundering it while he rocked his hips feeling the pressure on him. He wanted more when he slips his tongue out kissing the side of Justice's mouth, then chin, then neck, scraping his teeth along his Adams apple licking it then up to the side of the mans neck to his ear, nipping and tugging on it gently. All the while Justice's fingers dug in hard in his hips, moving with him as he rocked against the fucking bulge, breathing heavily.  
  
"Alex I-" Justice swallowed then groaned loud as Alex licked down to his Adams apple again, nipping at it, "I have never-"  
  
"We no have to," he murmured in the mans ear, "no have to at all."  
  
"I, I have memories on- Alex please. Please."  
  
"What you want me do?" he asked the man as he lent on his chest.  
  
Justice gripped his hips even harder before letting go and looks him in the eyes, "I want to be in you, but not here, not yet," he said breathily pulling Alex down to his lips again.  


* * *

  
  
"Makers fucking breath, if Aveline becomes like that prick out there," Carver rolls his shoulders in annoyance, "then this whole cities going to shit."  
  
"Fasta Vass, this, man, has been killing elves for years and not once has anyone stepped in? Are we that disposable?"  
  
Alex felt just as sick as the rest of them going into the cave. The cold wind from outside didn't exactly help matters either. They needed to do this before the storm hits the Coast trapping them all in this fucking cave, with a sick freak who does things to little elven children. Ugh, Alex shudders again, he hopes Snowy rips the damned mans heart out.  
  
"I do hope we do not intend to bring this man back to the Magistrate. Justice would be better served leaving him here to rot like the filth he is!"  
  
"Oh, he's not going to be leaving this fucking cave, big guy," Carver smirked looking over his shoulder at them all, "Fen there can do the honours."  
  
"Good, I was going to do it anyway."  
  
Big it up for the whole lot of them. Alex just nodded at Snowy in approval, his fingers twitching and itching to reach for his stave. God, he's seen some sick freaks in his time back where he was from, but this sounded a hundred times worse. And no-one has done a damn thing in years, despicable.  
  
"Creators, is that a little girl?" Merrill pointed to a small body on the floor. Alex wanted to be sick looking at the small butchered corpse. Fucking hell, this, was worse then he thought it would be.  
  
Carver waved his hand summoning several small balls of light, and they all reeled back. There, were more then one body in the cave, holy fucking shit, there were a lot scattered about. Alex felt vomit rise in the back of his throat looking at it all. This, freak, had been bringing them all back here so he could do... no he didn't want to even think about that, not right now.  
  
Nope, he was going to be sick, trying not to look at them and ran over to the nearest wall, throwing up. Well great, more nightmare fuel. Thats just perfect when he threw up more.  
  
"I know, Lethallin. I know," Merrill murmured rubbing Alex's back when he threw up again, "Creators, if Fenris doesn't kill him, I will."  
  
Alex pulled his pack off his back, nodding, pulling out the Elfroot bottle to drink, "Is no rite," he mutters pulling the stopper free, "We can no leave them here like this."  
  
"We will deal with them after we dealt with, this fiend!" Justice rumbled behind them all, pacing like the thunderstorm he was, his eyes and skin crackling like lightening.  
  
Well shit, Alex has never seen Justice like THAT before, not even with the Templars cunts in Hightown. Alex stoppered the bottle after taking a hefty swig to calm and ease his stomach down, at least he wasn't the only one who threw up, Carver and Isabela did also. Not like it makes it any better, when they had to go past the bodies to another part of the cave.  
  
Alex felt a heavy hand on his shoulder, feeling the mans crackle and pops jolt through him when he looked up at Justice, "I no like this, Justin. I no like any this at all."  
  
"Neither do I. But he will be brought to Justice, whether by my hand or by the two elves with us. Perhaps we should butcher him like he has done with those children," he sneered looking ahead.  
  
"He go rite to hell," Alex murmured twitching again, "Where he belong."  
  
Justice just smirked down at Alex before pulling away to be at the head of the pack. He, wasn't the only walking thunderstorm, they all were, the energy around them getting more and more so the further they went. More bodies lined the way, but not just children. Looked like dead spiders and things Alex has never seen before. Shit, were those spider HUGE. His mum would of shit herself looking at them with their big green and brown thorax's, kitchen knife sized pincers. Ugh, they were disgusting to look at.  
  
A soft cry from further within the cave made them all stop in their tracks, a soft cry and a mans voice. Fuck! He has a child with him!  
  
"We must be swift," Justice rumbled out, charging ahead with Carver and Snowy. Isabela and Merrill stayed with himself, making sure nothing nor no-one were to sneak up on them, incase there were more then one sick fuck.  
  
"No, no the demons said it will be fine," Alex shudders at that. Shuddered at the mans broken voice, "You will be with me always."  
  
"Oh sweet Maker- PUT THE FUCKING KNIFE DOWN YOU SICK FUCK!"  
  
"No no nonononono, she's mine, you can't have her!"  
  
What the... this, was no man. This was a boy, a fucking boy waving a knife at them pulling a little girl closer to him by her throat. Tears were streaming down her face as she shook, the smell of piss hit his nose. God, she was so scared she was pissing herself constantly. Alex felt anger go through him looking at the boy. God fucking dammit, they needed to do something when he pushed the knife against the little girls neck.  
  
"They said I could have her, tell me I have too so I can be with them," the boy grinned, "They are all my friends."  
  
"He's not a fucking mage," Carver muttered slowly pulling his staff from his back, "Justice is he possessed?"  
  
"No, he is not."  
  
"Maker fucking dammit!"  
  
Alex felt his stomach roll when this, boy, licked over the little girls... oh no...  
  
He wanted to vomit as he stared at the elven girls ear holes, her pointy ears were no longer there. Blood ran down her neck, all over her once pale blue dress, tears and rips ran all the way through it. She only had one shoe on as well, her piss running down her legs the more she shook.  
  
Alex dipped his head looking at this child murderer, and walked behind everyone else pulling his stave free before laying it one the floor quietly. As silently as he could, he took one of his smokes grenades from his pouched belt dropping it on the floor. Good, no-one had noticed. He snuck in silence around everyone, walking up behind the boy, pulling one of his small daggers from his boot.  
  
_Spine, quick death. No, not good enough, might kill girl too. Neck, no, also might make him kill girl. Only one knife boy holds, take hand with knife awa_ y _from girl, kick-_  
  
Alex grabbed the boys hand yanking it back making him drop the dagger, pushed the little girl away with his boot, before he grabbed the boys hair and pushed him hard to the ground coming from the shadows. He shoved his own dagger against the boys neck as Isabela and Merrill whisked the girl away from them. Good, she's safe now, all that matters.  
  
The boy struggled against Alex, to which he just shoved the boy to the ground putting his boot on his neck, pushing down hard but not enough to kill or stop him from speaking.  
  
"Maker, your one sick disgusting little shit, ain't you. AIN'T YOU!" Carver spat.  
  
"Venhedis how old is this, child?"  
  
"Daddy loves me," the boy grinned out struggling under Alex's boot, "My daddy will come get me!"  
  
"Who's your father, boy?"  
  
The boy just laughed struggling again. Alex pushed his boot down more, "Tell us."  
  
"Daddy will come get me. Daddy will come get me. Daddy will come get me. Daddy will come get me," the boy just babbled the same words over and over again, and Alex had enough, punching the boy in the side of his head to shut him up.  
  
"How do you wish to proceed, Carver? This boy should be brought to justice for what he has done."  
  
"Fenris, just do it. I don't give a shit who his father is, and I don't give a Maker fucking shit about the guards either. Magistrate can fucking suck it all I care."  
  
Alex takes his boot from the boys neck and looks away as Fenris sticks his hand inside the boys ribcage. That, sound never gets any better the more Alex hears it. Yup, more nightmares for months because of all this.  
  
"We need to go. The storms going to set in hard soon," Carver runs a hand through his shorter hair, "And I'll set fire to everything behind us. Maker fuck this cave of horrors."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Prodigy-Narayan - https://youtu.be/bzVjZu4fl4o


	13. You Showed Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes to his favourite bar, and has one hell of a night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead. Enjoy.

**9:33 Dragon - Haring**.  
  
"Well if it isn't my pretty lad! Longslot sweetie?"  
  
"Ello Alissa. Yeah, two please. I need drink," Alex snickered.  
  
Alissa smirked dipping her head as Alex looked about himself. Yeah, he really liked it in here, no matter what happened before. Felt right for him to be here rather then the bloody Blooming Rose and all those fucking whores, ugh.  
  
"You on your own sweetie?"  
  
Alex nodded at her, "Yup. Just want be me for while."  
  
"Don't blame you, sweetie. Now go have fun, watch the shows. Watch the other pretty boys too!"  
  
Alex just chuckled paying for his drinks, then returning to the booth he made his own for tonight. Was another reason he was here, other then to watch the shows and finish his journal shit.  
  
God, the whole Magistrate thing ended up being a total mess, when they all found out the boys father WAS the fucking Magistrate. Justice ended up dealing with that when the man fled from them all, put him where he belonged with his sick son. Fuck that shit, Alex still couldn't wrap his head around any of that. Fucking guards not doing shit either, because the damn Magistrate paid most of them to be quiet about his child murdering son.  
  
_No, no more thinking about any of that, Alex. Your here for a damned good time!_  
  
Yeah right now, he just wanted to watch the pretties do a damn show, drink his fucking Longslots, have fun and wander back to the bloody pub. He lit a smoke, taking a long drag as the show began. Shit, Alissa was right, there we're some pretty looking ones up on the stage. Like, really pretty. Alex smirked sipping his drink, watching them dance and gyrate on the stage, just like any other fucking gay bar he's ever been in with his brother.  
  
If only he could find a way to give this place the music it so fucking deserved. A nice deep bass playing out on speakers, the place would be one hell of a bar if it had that.  
  
One of the pretty elven boys on stage winked at him. Wow, he, was really fucking pretty, and lithe. Look at those muscles ripple and those tattoos!  
  
Alex dipped his head, looking out from under his lashes, his cheeky fringe brushing his cheek when he lent forward to watch them all more. His smoke hung from the side of his mouth, pulling his drink closer as a shadow fell right next to him.  
  
"Why are you on your own?"  
  
Alex just snorted flicking the ash away, still watching the show, "Is what want. No rule bout that, is there?"  
  
"No there's not. But your on your own. A beautiful looking man like you shouldn't be on his own."  
  
"Uh huh. You want sumthing? Or jus ogling?"  
  
The shadow sat down next to him pulling one of his drinks over, "Watch the show of course. You just happened to have a free seat."  
  
"You go pay for that? Is mine," Alex shook his head.  
  
The shadow lent over to his ear and murmured, "Then I shall get two more. I will pay my way, beautiful boy. No need for you to be so out of pocket on my behalf."  
  
Alex shook his head again, letting out a soft chuckle as the shadow got up to go to the bar. The really pretty one on the stage winked and blew him a kiss before he left. Alex smirked at that, stubbing his smoke out. The journal looked up at him from the table and he sighed pulling it over to him, opening it todays page. Not much actually happened today, other then more of the the heavy fucking snow covering the whole of Kirkwall. He drew figures throwing snow balls at elven children down in the Alienage. God was that fun to do with Merrill.  
  
The shadow returned, putting a drink down in-front of him before sitting down himself.  
  
"You have a remarkable talent for drawing. Perhaps you should be employed by the guard, draw criminals portraits. Or by Master Tethras for his books," the shadow chuckled looking over Alex's shoulder.  
  
"Don think Varr employ me that way. Maybe though. But guard?" Alex put his pencil down to face the shadow, "They can go fuck off."  
  
"I don't blame you. They do seem to be rather lacking in, anything."  
  
Alex snorted, putting his hand over his mouth when he snorted more, "Yeah they be that."  
  
"Anyway, beautiful boy. Another show is about to start," the shadow waved at the stage, "Wouldn't want either of us to miss that, would we."  
  
Indeed another show began, more pretties danced to the beating drums, to the bladder-pipe. To the rebec and lute. But shit if it wasn't hypnotic to listen to, to watch the bodies on the stage dance seductively. Alex drank more of his drink, watching it all, the shadow doing the same.  
  
A hand went gently onto his leg from under the table, hidden from view as the music got louder, the dancing more seductive, and slowly went higher. Alex's heart hammered hard in his chest, almost panting out with how high it was getting, his cock getting hard in his leathers at it. Sweet fuck he wanted to moan out loud when the hand brushed him, and closed his eyes at the warm breath in his neck.  
  
"It's beautiful," the voiced murmured as the hand palmed him through his leathers, "the dancing, the music. The entire place alive with its vibrancy. As much as you are," the hand palmed him harder, "beautiful boy."  
  
Alex swallowed resting his head back against the booth, and lets out a small quiet moan when his laces were being undone. God, yes, he needs this so bad, the music lulling him under feeling a hand slide down the opened leathers.  
  
"No smalls," the shadow chuckled slipping his hand further down.  
  
"Uh huh," Alex pants out then groans pushing his head back more, the hand gently pulling him free from the confining leathers. Shit he was so hard it was disgusting, the man next to him wasn't helping in those matters either, with his lips on his neck pressing small kisses up to his ear before licking it. Alex's fingers grasped the seat of the booth, hard, as the hand strokes him slowly from root to tip, a thumb brushing over his head on every other slow down stroke.  
  
"Beautiful boy. So perfect, so hard for me," the voice whispers in his ear before tugging on his piercings with his teeth, "so many things I could do to you, right where we are."  
  
Alex licked his lips slowly as the mans kisses go down his neck again, his hand stroking him more under the table, the smell of his arousal hitting his nose felt like it made him harder when he groaned even more.  
  
"Please," Alex whispers turning his head to face the man, looking at his lips licking his own again.  
  
The man smiled fastening his strokes on Alex as he claimed his lips, sucking on them gently before slipping his tongue into Alex's mouth. Fuck, he almost melted against the man, his hand reaching up to his hair pulling him closer, their tongues dancing over the others. Rolling, tasting, lips sucked into the others mouth, the hand on his cock getting firmer in it's strokes making Alex quiver with need going through him.  
  
If it weren't so bloody open, he'd ride the fucking man right here in the booth, but the hand on his cock and the mans mouth on him would have to do. For now.  
  
But shit, being jerked off in public just fueled the fire inside Alex, and moaned hard against the mans mouth.  
  
"Beautiful. So beautiful."  
  
"I want you," Alex panted out looking into the mans eyes.  
  
"When we are done here, I will take you home, beautiful boy. But not before," the man smirked, then nipped at Alex's chin, "Patience."  
  
Alex licked his lips again and bit them as the hand went a little faster, the mans tongue tracing down his neck before he scraped his teeth on his jugular. Alex grasped the mans hair firmer, pushing his own head back against the booths backrest. The tongue went over his neck up to his chin, then over his lips before the man kissed him hard, upping his pace on Alex's cock.  
  
Sweet fucking hell and beyond, he was gonna come. Alex gripped the mans hair more, arching his hips off the seat feeling his damn balls get tighter. Alex broke the kiss throwing his head back and came in the mans hand, biting his lip again as not to cry out in the public space. He panted hard as he came down, his heart pounding as hard as the drum on the stage.  
  
"Beautiful boy. Sweet, beautiful, perfect boy," the man gently takes his hand from Alex, making him whine a little at the loss of contact, "Patience. I want to taste first."  
  
Holy fuck, Alex watched him through his hooded eyes at the man licking his hand clean, running his tongue over his fingers lapping up Alex's cum, humming. Which, just made his cock twitch again watching it trying to put the bloody thing away, hissing through his teeth at how sensitive he was right now.  
  
"Fuck, Justin. Was no expecting that!"  
  
Justice licked his lips and grinned, "Anders memories, remember. At least he was good for something other then hate," he grinned even more before kissing him again.  
  
Alex couldn't help the small moan, tasting himself on the mans tongue. Shit, did he taste sweet, sweet mixed with the taste of lightening.  
  
"We should go, lest we truly make a scene here," Justice chuckled when he pulled back.  
  
"Fuck yes," Alex chuckled himself then looked at the two full drinks in-front of him, "Drink first then go."  
  
They both downed the drinks before heading out, shoving his smokes and journal into his pack slipping his hoodie on. He nodded at Alissa as he left, Justice doing the same, earning a huge grin from her. But shit, it was cold outside when the air hit him, sobering him up a little walking through the Red Lantern District. The moons were fat and heavy above them as they walked through Hightown, Justice's arm around Alex's shoulders keeping him close.  
  
The air was just so crisp and clean smelling even with the foundries belching out black smoke. Clean, fresh and free. Nothing like back home at all. The snow sparkled in the moonlight and street lamps, sending out pale glows everywhere. Alex would always love snow, the crisp feeling, the sweet smell it had when it fell from grey clouds. Justice was looking about just as much, pulling Alex even closer to himself going down those stupid steps to Lowtown.  
  
Alex smiled walking carefully down them, and pondered a question.  
  
"Do you no have sex in fade? Either kind?"  
  
Justice just shook his head, then shrugged, "I suppose some do taking after mortals dreams. But we are not gendered within our realm. We are what mortals perceive us to be. What everyone in the keep saw me as: was a large tall man in armour when we all first met. Hence why I am the way I am now. We, are genderless. So sex in reality would be, far different I suppose."  
  
"Huh. Fade still new for me. I still no go there when dream, I think. How many more spirit like you? I mean, other?"  
  
"There are many different kinds, Alex. From Love to Pride. Not all are demons, most of us are happy to be what we are. Others, not so much. They want and take and gorge themselves until they become a broken form of ones self. If a mortal sees a spirit then thinks, demon, then it is what we think we are. I, did not like it much."  
  
Alex nodded resting his head on the man, "I understand. I get now. So, you be in Kristoff then Anders you come man, they see in fade as man too. I understand. Like refl-refl, ugh. Reflection in mirror, see what want to see, but can still be dis-distorted."  
  
"Yes. A very good analogy Alex."  
  
Alex grinned wide. Hey, he was slowly getting it, slowly.  
  
The pubs closed door came into view, and Alex's pulse quickened as Justice pushed it open. The regulars raised their mugs at both of them as they strolled through, Alex waving at them all going up the stairs to the boarding rooms floor, past Varric's suite. Thank everything that was shut at the moment, Isabela's cackling coming from behind it, Snowy and Merrill both laughing too. No Carver voice though.  
  
Alex stood in the middle of the hallway by his room, chewing his bottom lip looking at Justice's room. Shit, which way?  
  
Justice just pushed him on his back to his room chuckling as he did so, pulling out the wrought iron key from Alex's pocket. Alex chewed his lip even more being pushed inside, his blood rushing every which way through him, his breathing getting deeper when he slips off his pack and hoodie his shirt coming off at the same time. His room was barely lit with the two fat candles, which just added to the damn feeling going through him hearing the lock of the door.  
  
"Your tattoo! It's beautiful," Justice gasped out behind him, then felt his fingers trace the pattern down the hem of his leathers, "It represents all that I am!"  
  
"I believe justice an freedom for all. For everyone."  
  
The man pushed his entire body against Alex's back, one hand sliding across his chest, the other under his chin tilting Alex's head back, "Beautiful boy. You have no idea what you do to me everytime you are near. And now I see the beauty on your back finally, your even more beautiful to me."  
  
Alex sighed out as the hand on his chest went lower, skimming over his nipples, his stomach to the hem of his pants, the other hand tilting his head back more making him look up at the older man behind him. Alex lets out a small moan at the hand dipping into his leathers again, brushing his cock slightly before pulling out. Sweet shit, he, was literally hard before the damn door behind them locked. Hard, aching and on fire again when Justice walks them over to his bed, feeling the other mans bulge push hard against the back of him.  
  
Alex knows how, large, Justice felt when he straddled him. Like LARGE large. God, he wondered how damned thick the man actually was. And swallowed when the man turned him around, pushing Alex down to sit.  
  
Alex pulled one of his legs up undoing the buckles on his boot, watching Justice slowly take off the leather doublet and black shirt. Alex bit his lip skimming his eyes over the mans damn Beefcake chest, over the scar right over the mans heart, on the one on his stomach running over his navel and what looked like faint tracings of tattoos on him. He dropped the boot on the floor lifting his other leg, chewing his bottom lip still watching Justice slowly undo the laces to his own leather pants, kicking out of his own boots.  
  
God, he was more then Beefcake, he was like a solid wall of muscle from head to toe. A solid wall of a rippling muscle storm.  
  
Alex felt himself pant as his other boot hit the floor, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he thought it was just going to burst right on out of it. Then Justice walked over slowly to him, tilting his head up under his chin again. Alex swallowed thickly, lifting his eyes up at the solid storm above him and blushed hard. Sweet Mary, he was going to loose it, he just knew it when Justice smiled down at him, the air getting thick.  
  
"Lay down," he murmured letting Alex's chin go.  
  
Alex licked his lips never leaving eye contact with the man, crawling back on the bed as Justice knelt down with one knee on the edge, and Alex could swear there was a low purring growl from somewhere.  
  
He laid down panting even more, Justice slowly crawling over to him dipping his head down low to Alex's stomach, then started to lick and lap all the way up, nipping and kissing all along Alex's tattoos. Alex pushed his head into the pillows behind him, carding his fingers through the hair of the older man, and hummed letting his eyes slip closed at the feeling.  
  
For someone who's never done shit like this before, Justice sure knew what he was doing going up higher on Alex's body, flicking his tongue over Alex's nipples, scraping his teeth over his collarbone. Anders must of done this often if Justice knew what the fuck to do. Justice licked up Alex's neck to his chin, nipping at it before running his tongue up then over Alex's lips, kissing him hard. His hands carded more through Justice's hair as the kiss deepened, tongues dancing with each other, the taste of lightening going through Alex again, going straight to his already hard cock, making him moan within the kiss wanting to free the damn thing stuck behind a leather wall.  
  
A hand went softly down his side, giving him gooseflesh when it skimmed over his stomach to the laces on his pants, pulling the already slackened laces free. Justice sucked on his bottom lip as he lent up, pulling Alex's pants down with both hands, painfully slow down and over his hips making Alex hiss through his teeth and nip at Justice's chin when he cock sprung free.  
  
"Arse," he mutters nipping the mans chin again then licked it.  
  
"Mmm hmm. Turn over, beautiful boy."  
  
Alex snapped his teeth at Justice's chin as he turned over to be on his stomach, his pants around his thighs. Oh, he moaned again at the sheet under him, his damn cock rubbing against it as he pants were pulled from his legs completely. The bed moved, a rustle, the sound of leathers hitting the floor, then the bed dipped again behind him. Sweet fuck, the man removed his pants and Alex didn't get to see it! He looked over his shoulder licking his lips at the sight behind him. He was right, Justice was LARGE and fucking thick as well, oh sweet fuck!  
  
Justice slipped his knees between Alex's legs, spreading them while he dipped his head down to Alex's tailbone, and licked it going down to his arse cheeks, scraping his teeth over them then going up the other side. Alex, practically melted into the sheets when he did it again, and bit his arm hard at it, watching the mans head dip down then come back up. He started to rut the sheets under him, gently rolling his hips getting friction against his cock the more Justice did it, spreading his arse cheeks more the further he licks to Alex's hole. He was panting so hard on his arm, and they hardly even began yet. But fuck, did it feel good.  
  
Everything Isabela told him went through his mind as a tongue dipped into his hole, making him moan out loud at it. Telling him what to expect being fucked by another man (Carver not included in any of that!), tips, tricks, and everything in between. Fuck she was still giving him tips hiding in the bush on the Wounded Coast. She wanted him to have his bloody best. And fuck, nothing she said prepared him for what Justice was doing to his arse. Nothing!  
  
The man took his hips pulling them up, "Kneel, beautiful boy," he muttered. If that were anyone else calling him that, he would of knocked their head off now, but not Justice anymore. Considering how old the man actually was, made Alex's eyes bulge out of his head. Two hundred and forty three years, give or take a few decades, in mortal terms. Justice could call him that all he liked.  
  
Alex complied and knelt, spreading his legs apart and looked between them. His cock hung heavily between his legs, thick and damn needy, small pearls of pre-cum glistened from the slit. He bit down on his arm again, feeling Justice tongue push inside him, the mans hand slowly stroking the damned anaconda he had, the other spreading Alex's arse cheek. He groaned loud, biting down on his arm more and slipped his eyes closed at it all, then shoot them open as not only a tongue was in him, but a finger slid in beside it. He moaned even louder at that, rocking his hips back at the slow onslaught in his arse.  
  
He wanted to reach between his legs and stroke himself off, then ended up panting hard on his arm as another finger was slipped in, the tongue licking up the cleft of his arse to his tailbone again. The air in the room was getting thicker and thicker as time went on, the smell of arousal stinging his nose, the feel of static charge right before a lightening strike danced on his tongue when he licked his lips. Light kisses were pressed on his back, getting higher as yet another finger was slipped in. Oh sweet fuck, Alex could almost not take it any more, he wanted to come so badly, wanted to fucking wank himself off over it all.  
  
Justice practically loomed over the top of Alex, his tongue tracing the tattoo more, teeth scraping over his shoulders blades, feeling the damn anaconda heavy against his thigh. He wanted to scream at it all, he wanted to fist his cock, he wanted Justice to fucking well take him, mount him like a lion, and growled against his arm, biting it, then licking away the sting. The man chuckled on Alex's back then kissed it, slipping his fingers free from him, Alex virtually whined out loud at the loss.  
  
"Shhh, beautiful boy. Shhh."  
  
Justice spread his legs even more with his knees, the anaconda resting between his cheeks, his heart pounded hard in his chest feeling it sit there. It pounded even harder when Justice gripped his hip firmly, slowly sliding the damn thing into his hole, Alex keened loudly at it. He panted hard dropping his head away from his arm onto the pillow, tugging at the material with his teeth the further it pushed in. It felt never bloody ending slowly sliding into his arse, inch by painfully slow inch. Holy fuck how BIG was Justice? How the fuck did he get THAT big in the first place? Who dreamed that bloody thing up?  
  
Finally, Justice stopped, gripping both of Alex's hips panting harshly himself (First time for the man... wasn't it?) then slowly slid back out. Fuck, fuck, oh fuck. The air popped with the charge when Justice rammed back into him, making his entire body jerk on the bed. Alex clamped his eyes tight when he did it again, the slow pull back, the hard slam back in. His body jerking with each hard thrust into him, but it wasn't painful, it, was perfect. Felt fucking perfect each time he did it, making Alex moan out with each roll of the mans hips.  
  
A hand went to his chest pulling up to be on all fours as Justice fucked him hard, Alex letting his head loll forward, gritting his teeth hard. Justice rests his head on Alex's back, his tongue licking the sweat away that was starting to form and roll down. His mind was going to every place and no place feeling the mans thickness in him, the tongue licking up to his shoulder as Justice pulled him tighter to his chest. Alex's cock was so neglected, still dribbling pre-cum when it hit his stomach with every hard thrust from Justice, smearing it all over.  
  
But he didn't care, it all felt far too good being pounded hard like a slab of meat.  
  
The hand on his chest took his chin, pushing his head up and back pulling his jaw open at the same time. Two fingers slipped in his mouth pushing his tongue down as Justice clamped down hard on Alex's shoulders, biting hard enough that Alex hoped to everything the man drew blood from it. Spit dribbled down the corners of his mouth, trying hard to pant around them as the man fucked him faster, his flesh slapping against Alex's arse, Justice's balls hitting his thigh.  
  
The air popped and snapped again, the lightening feeling going right through him more when Justice licked the sting away on his shoulder, pressing kisses over it then to the back of his neck.  
  
"Beautiful," Justice panted out in his neck, "boy. So beautiful. All mine, perfect, beautiful boy, all mine."  
  
Alex would nod if he could, would run his tongue over the fingers in his mouth if he could, would do anything this man fucking told him too... if he could.  
  
More spit ran down his chin as the hand brought his head back to rest Justice's shoulder, arching his neck and back into the mans body behind him. Alex's arms trembled, fisting the sheets more between his fingers wishing to everything he could fucking fist his cock. He moaned louder around the fingers gently biting down on them when Justice jerked them both upright, pounding in him even harder, Alex's hands letting the sheet drop to take Justice's hips between them instead. God, he was ruthless on Alex, with his anaconda, with his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, everything.  
  
Alex's mind swam joyously with the onslaught. Swam and started to drift away.  
  
He bucked hard at the hand taking his neglected cock and started stroking it in time with the deep upward thrusts. Alex drooled more around the fingers, digging his finger nails into Justice's hips, and knew he was going to cum pretty damned soon. Sweet fuck was he gonna cum as teeth tugged his piercings in his ear, the murmur of the man in them telling him he was a good boy, a perfect beautiful boy that was theirs and no-one else's, for Alex to cum for him.  
  
And cum he did, panting harshly around the fingers, painting his chest as the man fisted him hard, painting his chin too when his cum hit it hard. Alex tried to open his mouth to yell but couldn't as the fingers pushed his tongue down more, pushing his head back more on the shoulder behind him. Sweet fuck, Justice wasn't done with him yet when he milked every last drop of cum from Alex.  
  
He pushed Alex back down on the bed, pushing his face into the pillows with his fingers still in his mouth, not even remotely stopping his hard pace on Alex what so ever. He couldn't think, he could barely hear anything but he could feel it. The air snapped wildly like a bullwhip, the hairs on his arms started to raise, skin goosefleshing, then it struck like a thunderbolt from the blue. Justice yelled as he came inside Alex. It was either yelling or a growl, Alex couldn't tell not with how his whole body felt alive with the electricity going through it.  
  
The man shuddered and stuttered coming hard in Alex, the mans damn cock pulsing like a beacon in the night in his arse. Shit, is he going to fill him up entirely? He wasn't stopping his bloody climax. Oh God. Alex's cock started to get hard again, making him whine around the fingers. He didn't think he had any more in him as they both fell to oneside on the bed, panting hard, then whined again as the fingers were slipped out slowly.  
  
Shit, did his jaw hurt, his arms, his... everything?  
  
"That was," Justice panted out on his neck, "beautiful. More then," he swallowed then chuckled, "more then I thought it would be."  
  
Alex wiggled his jaw about huffing a chuckle himself, "You broke me," then chuckled even more as a pair of arms wrapped around him pulling him tight to the mans chest, "I fine. I hurt, but fine. No, not fine, flyin!"  
  
"Next time," he felt Justice grin against his neck, "you face me. I wish to see your face when I do that again."

* * *

  
Alex had woken up that morning with his head resting on Justice's chest, the mans arms still wrapped around him when he looked up. Justice smiled at him, brushing his knuckles down Alex's cheek before tilting it up for a kiss. A sweet, tender, gentle kiss that sent jolts though Alex, right down to his groin, earning a chuckle from the man against his lips. God, was Alex aching everywhere, a good ache, but aching nonetheless when Justice left to go to his room without Isabela finding out. Or anyone else for that matter. Not yet at anyrate.  
  
He bathed to relax his muscles and to clean up where they didn't last night, and smiled dipping his head down when he dried himself off. Was the best damn night he's ever had, and he wanted more. Like a LOT more. He would never, ever, let anyone else dominate him like Justice had done. No-one. That was for both of them to have, and no-one else. And he fucking loved it. Alex teased the lip piercing at the corner of his mouth looking into the mirror and couldn't help but grin at the reflection looking back at him. He's never looked better then he did right there and then, since the time he's been here.  
  
Alex shook his head unable to wipe the grinning smirk from his face while he got dressed, but shit, he was going to have to face Isabela and he bloody knows she would of heard everything that went on in his room. So better go face the music, eat and be interrogated by his friend, leaving out a certain detail of who it was.  
  
Yup, the door to Varric's suite was open, a couple of voices talking quietly filtered out into the hallway. He rolled his shoulders and set off.  
  
Alex pointed at Isabela as he sat down at Varric's table daring her to say anything, the woman was practically vibrating in her seat as she teased her lip piercing with her tongue. Carver was sat at opposite Alex as usual, narrowing his eyes at the woman. Alex huffed out a sigh rolling his eyes, then waved his hand at her.  
  
"Go, say it!"  
  
Isabela's eyes grew huge as she lent forward in the chair, her arm's under her breast's pushing them up, "You sounded so delicious, pup. Even 'I' can't make those damn sounds when I'm fucking. Who in the Makers name did you bring back last night?"  
  
Alex just blushed dipping his head, "No can tell, Izzy. Is private."  
  
"DAMMIT PUP! Don't leave me hanging like this! Auntie Isabela needs her details," she whined throwing her hands up in the air, "needs her material for later!"  
  
"Oh, sweet fucking Maker, Izzy, really? Leave him alone for fucks sake."  
  
Alex put his hand over his mouth at Carver glaring at the woman as she muttered obscenities under her breath at them both.  
  
"I say one thing," which perked her right up when she stopped ranting.  
  
"Oh pup, your killing me here. Say it, SAY IT!" she vibrated again in her seat.  
  
"I like it... HARD!" he grinned out, which just sent her falling out of her chair to the floor, squealing. Her legs kicked the air, banging the floor with her fists when he lent over the table, barking a laugh at her having a fit there.  
  
Carver raised his eyebrow at her, then at him, slowly shaking his head, "I think we found a way to break her," he smirked thumbing at Isabela still squealing on the floor like a toddler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Lightning Seeds ~ You Showed Me - https://youtu.be/JvcLJ38EdM0
> 
> Yeah, so that happened. Second time writing some M/M action *coughs then shrugs*


	14. Their Law.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Carver talk and end up discovering several very shitty things within Kirkwall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con and Abuse ahead.

**9:34 Dragon - Wintermarch.**  
  
Snow still blanketed the city, stalling anything from bloody happening around it, for once. The markets still went ahead, the foundries still belched out smoke, but no Templars stormed through Lowtown as normal. And thank fuck for that. He still didn't like them one bit, all that clanking and clunking, all that glinting armour and weapons.  
  
Alex huffed out a breath, pulling his hood over his head more, hiding his headphones wandering the market. He needed a few new shirts, not in black this time, new pants, and maybe a few other self indulgences he really wanted. Fuck, he actually had money to do so for a change. The Magistrate's finances, because of his sick son and himself, went to the people who stopped it all from this Senechal Brann.  
  
Carver was elated when he received the note to come collect the several thousand sovereigns, then shared it among everyone that evening. Alex sat there staring at the lock box with his money stashed inside in the Merchant's guild bank. Two hundred and fifty thousand sovereigns were divvied up among six people, forty rounded thousand each. Fuck, he's never had that amount of money even back home. And being a good friend of Varric and the Hawkes, the Merchant's guild was MORE then happy to stash his money there, the interest was high as it was.  
  
So now, with a few hundred sovereigns tucked away in his room for emergencies, and a hundred on him now, he could damn well get what he liked. Which honestly, wasn't much. The extra money that Carver didn't want to round up and divvy, went to the Alienage to help them out, to give them better water pumps and plumping. Went to families of those murdered children who were still there and hadn't left or died. Which was another thirty thousand and change as it was.  
  
Everyone was so bloody proud of Carver for that, and so was Alex. Several ticks went by the mans name, but still didn't let him off the hook for what he did to him. But getting there, slowly.  
  
A few screams, gasps and a huge raucous of applause echoed out up ahead. Curiosity got the better of him when he went to look, and wished to everything he hadn't.  
  
Isabela ran through the market stark bollock naked with her hands over her head, grinning wide. Her large tits were bouncing like mad when she ran past him, blowing a kiss before she darted around the corner. Several loud clanks made him twitch, then huffed out a laugh at the red faced guards trying to catch her up in the snow. Okay, that was worth it, watching them try and chase her through the market when she darted out of no-where, their heavy armour sinking into the white stuff.  
  
"Is she doing it again? Makers fucking balls."  
  
Alex snorted a laugh looking at Carvers face when he came from an alleyway, "Yup. Seem so. I must miss first time."  
  
Carver covered his face up when they spotted her again, "She did it not long after we met her, pissing Aveline off. Okay that was funny, watching that ginger cunt turn every fucking shade of red there was. But I didn't wanna see Izzy's fucking woman bits again!"  
  
"I dunno," Alex shrugged looking back at the man, "Better then see Templar run naked, rite?"  
  
"Oh, I hate you so bloody much right now. Thanks, THANKS you fucking arse!"  
  
"What I do," Alex smirked.  
  
"All I can fucking see is that bitch Meredith nude doing an Izzy. Ugh, gonna be sick," Carvers face went a little green which just made Alex smirk out more.  
  
"Pussy."  
  
Carver went even more green, "Stop. Don't you dare."  
  
"Puuuussssyyyy," Alex wrinkled his nose up and laughed when Carver vomited on the ground.  
  
Alex shucked his pack from his back while Carver still threw up, digging out his smokes and the bottle of Elfroot shit. He shoved the bottle in the mans hand when he came up for air, and lit a smoke looking about himself. Something went over his skin, that same feeling as-  
  
"Carver, you feel?"  
  
"I do mate."  
  
Alex dipped his head looking about while Carver composed himself. A  fucking blood mage was out among this lot, but who? Merrill's blood magic didn't do this to him, which was fine, he liked her too much. But this... he felt his stomach roll feeling his flesh being flayed from his skin, hairs standing on end. A demon. A blood mage and a demon were among all these fucking people!  
  
"Carver, I don like this," he muttered quietly taking the Elfroot bottle back from him.  
  
"Neither do I. I can't fucking tell who, theres too many people about. Shit, shit, shit, shit!"  
  
The feeling came on stronger making Alex start to shake. He hated it, he will never, ever get used to that feeling. He quickly looked over at Carver, the man was shaking too. This, was not good. Dammit, why did Justice have to go down to the fucking clinic today.  
  
A large contingent of people in Chantry robes went through the market goers, the people parting making way for them all. The flaying feeling coming closer. Oh sweet fuck...  
  
"It, come from them," he gasps out as they go past.  
  
"Well shit. But who though? Fuck its strong."  
  
The man in the ridiculous white and gold armour he remembers from the Chantry spotted them and smiled wide, "I remember you. Hawke right?"  
  
Alex wanted to be sick as the contingent stopped, and looked at them all.  
  
"Yeah, Hawke. Carver Hawke," his slightly spat out at him, "Where are you lot going?"  
  
"To the Alienage, to bring peace and joy to all the poor elven children there," one of the women behind the man smiled out.  
  
"Good, good. Well, have fun down there, won't you."  
  
"Who's yer friend? I don't think we've met. I'm Sebastian Vael, Prince of Starkhaven, Brother of the Chantry here," he held out his hand to Alex.  
  
Alex just shook his head backing off, making the man frown out lowering his hand.  
  
"Yeah, so, we need to go. Nice seeing you again, Prince," Carver took Alex's hand dragging him away from them all.  
  
His stomach rolled violently as they practically ran away from them, going up the Hightown steps. The flayed feeling still crawled over his skin even from this distance, making him twitch in Carvers hand.  
  
"Yeah I know mate. It's strong whatever that is. No fucking mage among them, just-"  
  
"-a demon," Alex finished for him.  
  
"Yeah. Seems the Chantry has a problem. No more then fucking normal, but a big fucking one nonetheless," Carver huffs out, letting go of his hand to run it through his hair, "Shit. I, I think we should keep an eye on that. Tell the others later, but we need to keep a fucking eye on that shit."  
  
Alex nodded, looking down the steps. Shit, he hopes the elves would be okay with that lot going down there. He'll tell Asden the next time he goes that way, get Merrill to keep an eye out too. Just incase somet-  
  
"Alex mate?"  
  
He blinked, shaking his head looking back at Carver, "Sorry, thinking."  
  
"Me too. Wanna go to the Chantry with me?"  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow at him, then smirked, "Yeah. Sure, let go."  
  
At least the bloody ostentatious place wasn't that far away, peaking out from the high buildings of Toffville. But still, unease went right through him as they walked through the Hightown market. One of the pious bastards were hiding a secret, but who? That Sebastian Vael? No, Alex shook his head under his hood, throwing his smoke into the snow. One of the sisters, it had to be. They'll find out more when they get to the dogs dinner place.  
  
"If we don't find shit there, we'll go down and check on Justice. We need to check on that place as it is," Carver muttered out, running a hand through his hair again, "Maker, I knew this city would be shit when we came here, but not this shit!"  
  
"Eh, know bad place back home too. No bad as this, but bad."  
  
Carver snorted looking at him, his pale blue eyes catching the weak sunlight making them look almost transparent, "I don't think thats going to change no matter where your from, mate. So, tell me, I know we haven't, well, really talked much recently, and well," Carver sighed stopping next to the chanters board, "I still don't know shit about you and, well same could be said about all of us I suppose. Even after all this fucking time."  
  
Alex shrugged pulling his hood back from his face, "What want know? My life back home, not interesting sometime. And you slept with me, memba, FIRST!"  
  
"Maker, I know alright. Shit."  
  
"Ask away," Alex rolled his eyes.  
  
"Okay, well... Whats your last damn name, if you have one?"  
  
Alex lowered his head and kicked at the snow, "Which one? Had three. Got mid name too, but, girl name not boy name."  
  
"What? You had... oh shit yeah, married. Forgot sorry."  
  
"Twice," putting up his two fingers then sighed dropping them again, "First name be parent name: Knight. First marry name: Tate. Second Marry name: Wolff. Mid name was Elizabeth."  
  
"Alex Knight, I, really like that. Can see why your middle name doesn't," Carver chuckled waving at him, "exactly go any more. So, Alex Knight, shall we go pay a visit to the nice, kind folk of the Chantry, and piss them the fuck off?"  
  
Alex just snorted loud, knocking the other mans arm as they climbed the steps to the damn place. The smell of incense wafted out of the open doors when they got closer, but yet, no feeling of being flayed. They walked through slowly, looking about themselves. Yeah, nothing was happening. He looked up at the huge bronze statue at the back of the place and gasped a little.

Sweet fucking shit, she looked just like, "Jeanne D'Arc."  
  
"What?"  
  
Alex pointed at the statue, "It Jeanne D'Arc. I know face anywhere. How, is that- how?" Alex was so confused looking up at the woman bathed in light, a sunburst halo about her head. But it was Jeanne D'Arc alright. He, well she, did a whole essay on the woman when he was younger.  
  
"That sounds Orlesian, mate. Thats Andraste, well supposed to be. But who the fuck knows, been centuries now."  
  
Alex shook his head looking back up at her, "Wow, what are odds they look same? Did she dress like man? Burn at stake? Led army in battle in name of man who no exist?"  
  
"Holy fucking shit, your joking? Is that what Jeanne did."  
  
"Yeah. She came martyr for what she do. She think God spoke her, visit by angel too. Me," Alex scoffed looking at Carver, "I think she mad. Loose her mind and do what she did."  
  
Carver nodded his head in agreement then tugged on Alex's arm, "Lets go to the fucking clinic, so done being in this piece of shit place. Nothing here which means its one of those fuckers in the Alienage."

* * *

  
  
"Okay, how many pets have you had?"  
  
Alex bit back a laugh at Carver, "Many. Six cat, two dog, eight hamster, three rabbit, lot of bird. And fish," he wrinkled his nose up.  
  
Carvers brows flew up to his hairline as they walked through Darktown, "Makers breath. Thats... a lot of animals. Whats a hamster?"  
  
"Something cat like eating," Alex laughed out, "My cat ate them all when had them. Tried feed them fish, but like typi-typical cat, turn nose up."  
  
"We had several mabari when I was growing up. We lost our last fucking one when it tried to save Bethany. Maker, we only had that one a few months too."  
  
Alex frowned pulling his hood from his face, "A, mabari? What that?"  
  
"Oh shit right. It's a dog, very loyal, loving, great war hounds too. The last one, Dingles, imprinted itself on Bethy," Carvers face fell a little as he chewed his lip, then sighed, "He loved her a lot. They both died when I tried to save them from a fucking ogre. He tried to save her, and I tried to save both while Mauri protected 'Mother'. Pah, as if that bitch needs protecting. Should of just thrown her drunk arse at the ogre instead. Mauri's mothers favourite son by the way."  
  
Alex stopped them half way in Darktown, and brought the other man in for a hug, against his better judgement. Carver just choked then pulled Alex closer to him, resting his head on his shoulder. Alex could feel a wet patch form on there and sighed, rubbing the mans back.  
  
"I know what feel like to loose thing love most. Know what like to hate family. You did nuthin wrong, Carver. Can do only so much."  
  
Carver hiccuped digging his fingers in Alex's back more, "I tried, you know," he murmured out, "tried so damn hard with everything. No-one gives a shit what I do. I hate my mother, I hate my twin. I hate that Bethany's dead, that dads dead. That I fucking hurt you. I tried so hard and I still fuck up."  
  
Alex just lets out a quiet sigh. God, Carver was just as broken as he was, and shook his head pulling back from the hug, "We all try hard and get no place sometime. Like hopping in circle with one leg."  
  
Carver nodded wiping his face, trying to smile a watery smile at him, "Yeah, dad said something similar. Though with a lot more swearing and magic being flung about in anger."  
  
"Da told me and brotha that long time ago too. Smart man," Alex tapped his temple with his finger, "We need go to clinic. Before night and smell here eat us, yeah."  
  
"Maker," Carver took Alex's arm as they set off again, "I dunno why Justice is even coming down here. And bloody Anders needs to move this shit else where."  
  
Alex just shrugged. Justice had his reasons at the moment which Alex tried hard not to smirk at. Well, several, but a few involved both of them when they get to sleep with each other again, soon. Isabela had been WAY to nosey to try and find who the fuck he was sleeping with, which put a dampener on everything at the moment, which pleased Justice no end. Which, just fueled Alex something rotten when the man stood outside his door early one morning, crackling in aggravation, bringing Alex in for a crushing kiss before storming off to his own room.  
  
AND... there goes his leathers getting tight thinking about it. God, not right now.  
  
Several people watched them both walk past with their arms linked, nodding their heads at them. Not one person scoffed, or pointed, or said fag, homo, nothing. Alex felt his eyes well up at that, thinking about his baby brother, what he went through and how different it would be here for him. No-one would of cared what he was considering Fenris was the same. Lee, would of fell hard for the white haired elf, like unbearably, head over heals, grinning like a loon, hard.  
  
Yup, there goes the tears rolling down his face.  
  
Alex took his arm from Carvers and wiped his face on his sleeve. God, he missed his baby brother so much, it hurt.  
  
"Alex, you okay?"  
  
He sucked in a deep breath nodding at Carver, then shook his head, "No really. Don want bring that shit up rite now, kay. Let, lets just go."  
  
"If your sure, mate," the other man says quietly, taking Alex's arm again.  
  
Alex just smiled at him when they set off again. He wanted desperately to listen to his music right now to calm himself down, but seeing Justice should help. Should calm him down with the way he smells, the way he tastes, just everything about the walking thunderstorm should calm him down.  
  
He lets out a sigh looking down at the ground, kicking a stone out the way, thinking. There was still so much here to find out, like a wrapped present in box, after box after box. Each one wrapped with its own paper, and all Alex had to do was peel each layer away, open the box to find out more, then repeat the process. Still, a lot of whats going on around was overwhelming, overpowering and fucking frightening at times. Blood mages and demons being right at the top of the list.  
  
The steps leading up the clinic came into view, the small lantern was lit. Both Carver and himself look at each other then up at the orange light.  
  
"Justice wouldn't of lit that, not with that colour. Should be blue not orange."  
  
"I don feel bad shit," Alex muttered slipping out of Carvers arm, reaching behind him to untie his stave.  
  
"Don't mean there ain't going to be any."  
  
Alex nodded looking back up at the lantern, Carver taking his staff from his back, then set off up the rickety steps.  
  
Several low voices filtered from the clinic's partially closed doors, ones Alex doesn't recognise either. And not one of them were Justice's rumbling deep voice. Nor Lirene's when they got closer. Something wasn't right here. Where the fuck was Justice? Where the fuck were Anders helpers?  
  
The clank of armour made him freeze right outside the door, clank and clunk of armour he now knows the sound to. Alex looks over at Carver, who's eyes were wide looking back at him mouthing 'Templars.' Alex nodded, laying his stave on the ground earning a frown from the other man. His put up his finger to his lips, pulling out a smoke grenade from his pouch. Carver nodded pushing back into the shadows while Alex slipped into his.  
  
Sounds of things being tossed in there made Alex's hackles rise, then slipped in through the door. Fucking sons of mother fucking bitch's. Anders entire clinic had been tossed. His beds were smashed, cabinets were broken into, their shelves full of bottles smashed on the ground. Even his desk was up ended and broken. Nothing, was left standing the further he walked in, careful not to stand on the glass underfoot.  
  
Three Templars rip Anders curtain down coming from behind it smirking, Alex wanted to be sick as a pair of bloody legs were on the floor quivering before being drawn up. Female legs not male legs, but still, bile and anger rolled through Alex as Justice's curtain was ripped open too. A female Templar spat on the floor waving her hand at his lovers room, and sneered.  
  
"Think that ones still warm if you wanna have a go, Dirk."  
  
"Awww, fucking void Marly, your not supposed to kill the kid!"  
  
The female Templar Marly just spat on the ground again, "Like he gave me a choice when he tried to bite my fucking face. Filthy fucking knife-eared shit."  
  
Templar Dirk just snorted going back there, pulling his skirts up, "Eh, like it matters. Warm is warm, right?"  
  
Alex bit back the vomit in the back of his throat. The other three Templars laughed hard, clapping each other on the back, kicking Anders broken things across the floor. He's heard enough when he sneaks back out the open door, going to where Carver hid and appeared next to him.  
  
"You hear that!" Alex spat, "We go kill them now? Cos if you don, I fucking will!"  
  
"Yeah we're going to fucking kill them. Is Justice in there? Maker please tell me he's not."  
  
"No he not, But one person is still live in there. She go get rape again if we don go now!"  
  
Carver grits his teeth nodding his head, stepping out of the shadows as Alex, once again, slips into his. They both walk into the ruined clinic, Alex feeling the magic roll from Carver like a storm when he slams his staff down.  
  
"OI! I think you've had enough fucking fun. Don't you?"  
  
"And who the fucks this shit?" one of the Templars spat looking at Carver.  
  
"Looks like a pretty mage to me. OI you two, we got another one to play with!" Dirk the jerk smirked out coming from Justice's room with his dick out.  
  
Alex snuck up behind Dirk, gauging them all on how to take them down.  
  
_Neck slice, let drop on floor, others turn round weaponless. Carver throw fireball, duck, slice Marly along leg, kick to ground-_  
  
He grabs Dirk the jerk by his hair, pulling his head back as he sliced the Templars neck open and shoves him to the floor. The rest of them turn around reaching for weapons that weren't there. Carver flings a fireball at them all, felling one to the ground. Alex ducks and rolls out the way, slicing right through Templar Marly's legs, then kicks the back of knees making the woman fall forward.  
  
He slams his dagger into her spine and twists, pulling it free going to the last one still standing, swatting the fire away from his skirts. Carver sends out cold, freezing the mans hands to his side his feet to the ground as Alex saunters up to him, twirling his daggers in his hands. Carver joining him sneering his lip up.  
  
"Go check them both, mate. I'll deal with this fucking piece of shit."  
  
Alex dipped his head backing away from the Templar cursing them both, pointing his dagger at the man before slipping them back on his hip. Carver grinned wide as Alex ducked into Anders room, then slammed a hand over his mouth at the woman laying on the floor, soaked in blood and nude.  
  
"Lirene, is Alex," he puts his hand out to her when she starts to shake, "They all dead now. Is fine."  
  
The woman flinched putting her hands over her ears at the ear piercing male scream echoing around the clinic. Even he had to put his hands over his ears as the screaming got fever pitched, no doubt Darktowners wondering what the fuck was happening in here.  
  
Lirene slumped against Alex crying hard on his chest, shaking so much she started to slip down. He pulled the woman closer to him, trying hard to ignore the sounds coming from the main room, pulling a blanket that was tossed on the floor over her shoulders.  
  
"I'm sorry, Lirene," he murmurs close to her hair caked with... oh for fucks sake... "we need get you out. Where Anders other helper?"  
  
"All gone, they, the-they took them all. Oh Luv, is the little one, is, is he alright?"  
  
Alex shook his head, the woman sobbed in harder in his chest, "I need go check, but- I'm sorry Lirene."  
  
"Go, go see, Luv. Maker, please he's just a young bo-boy!"  
  
The screaming stopped, and thank fuck for that. He heard a lot of people talking from beyond, Carvers voice telling them all what the fuck happened while he left Lirene to go check on the elven boy. He turned the boy over, sucking in a breath through his teeth out how battered he was. Alex pushed a couple of fingers against his jugular incase, and sighed waiting, and waiting for a pulse, anything. Nothing. The boy was gone.  
  
Sweet fucking shit, this, this was disgusting. This was fucking sick beyond sick. This was as bad as the fucking elven child murdering sick little shit. Bile rose up in his mouth again pulling a sheet over the boys body, covering what dignity he had left before going back to Lirene. The familiar feel of thunder went through him making Alex sigh out loud as Justice stormed through the raging, frothing mad Darktowners near the clinics doors.  
  
He then blanched seeing the Templar he left to Carver in the middle of the room, in pieces. Well... fucking hell!  
  
"They have gone too far with this!" the man spat kicking the Templars head away.  
  
"Lirene need help, she in Anders room. She hurt bad, Justin, we need to get her out."  
  
"I will gather some of the guards, they will help. I told Anders not to have this clinic here any longer, and now look what has happened," Justice grabbed Alex's shoulders, then pulled in hard for a hug, "I'm glad they never got to you."  
  
"No chance to," Alex smiled up at the man, "We lucky we came here, found all this. Who know what happen to Lirene otherwise. Where you go?"  
  
Justice sighed walking back with Alex to where Lirene was, "I left over an hour ago, with, items," the man blushed a little, "then I went searching for you. I think the whole of Kirkwall heard the Templar being torn apart. Which made me come back down here with the guard to find your here with Carver."  
  
Alex sighed putting a hand on his chest, "We need talk later, with everyone."

* * *

  
  
"Your joking?"  
  
Carver shook his head, "No, one of them has a damned demon in them. Fucking Maker knows who, but we need to watch it. I can't do shit and neither can the rest of us, yet."  
  
"Creators, they were down in the Alienage today as well. Lethallin, will you come with me tomorrow to tell Hahren Asden?"  
  
"I will," Alex dipped his head at Merrill, "But clinic, total loss. Nuthin left to save."  
  
Fenris ran a hand down his face sitting back in his chair, pulling his cup of water to him, "Venhedis, what is wrong with this city? I thought Tevinter were bad enough, but all this," he waved his hand about, "is one thing away from disaster!"  
  
"Can we get back on topic please," Justice wasn't happy. God, Alex wasn't happy either.  
  
"Pup, just... just say the word, okay."  
  
Alex frowned at Isabela then looked at the man next to her, "Why me?"  
  
"Your the only one right now Alex, thats well, ideal for this. Maker," the man sighed leaning forward on the table, "We can't raid the damn place because 'Technically,' they've done nothing wrong yet."  
  
This just didn't feel right at all, none of it did. Why they fuck did they want him to do it? Most of the guards seem to ignore the place like it didn't exist too, which is why Donnic Hendyr was sitting there with them. The man who wants to clean the guards up, trying to get rid of his Captain instead of Aveline because she left. Donnic furrowed his brow at Alex and sighed again.  
  
"We need time to plan this sting. Can't go in there half cocked as it is. This," Donnic pointed at them all, "is going to be both under the table AND done by the books. Captain needs to go, but this shit needs to be dealt with before hand. I'll take the brunt of it so you lot wont have to, but Maker, we need to close this shit down."  
  
"I think I know where some of those bastards like to 'Pay' for certain services," Isabela shook in her chair, "Sick fucks do it down in the Docks. And NO, the rest of you ain't coming. Alex is pretty and young enough to attract the right attention."  
  
"I WILL NOT HAVE HIM USED IN SUCH MANOR!" Justice slammed both hands on the table as he stood, the chair pinging off the wall behind him when he kicked it, then broke in half.  
  
"Sweetie, we need to. We're all, well, we're all well know and so is Alex, for being a very pretty looking young man. We need to do this if Lirene is right. I'll watch him, make sure nothing happens, okay. And so will a few of Varric's Merchant guild friends and the guards. Maker, can't believe I'm actually going to be working with the bloody guards."  
  
The walking storm seethed even more, the lightening cracks going across his skin as his eyes shone bright, "And what if you all turn your back and then something happens to him?" he growled out, "What then? I will not have you use my- Alex in that WAY!"  
  
"Justice will be served, trust me on that. It's going to be the only damn way to get them," Donnic stood up as well looking Justice dead in the eyes, "As she said, the guards won't be the only ones watching. If you all want, and Maker you had better not fuck it up all of you, I can sneak you into a warehouse next door when the time comes. Is that better?"  
  
"No it is not, but it will have to be, Donnic."  
  
Alex sighed out loud when the man stormed out Varric's room, slamming the door behind him. He put his head on the table, fisting his hands under it. If this all went wrong, if one thing went just out of place, he, was going to end up getting hurt. No, not hurt, fucked by perverted fucking Templars who had things for pretty and young looking people. Which was him.  
  
Prime fucking target.  
  
Grade 'A' top shelf piece of arse.  
  
The boy in Anders clinic was just about a year younger then himself and they did terrible things to him, worse then Lirene. God, was Anders going to loose it when he gets back with Varric. He, almost lost it when the woman told them what they like to do, not just to mages, but to anyone young looking. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It was his brother all over again when he banged his head on the table in frustration, fisting his hands even tighter.  
  
Just one thing wrong, one thing-  


* * *

  
  
Unease and trepidation went through him while he paced his room. If something were to go wrong, he'll loose the one thing that matters more to him then anything in this realm. He didn't want that to happen. But he had no choice but to let Alex do this, even with the feeling of dread and confusion shoot right through him.  
  
Alex hasn't even been here a year and yet, so many things have happened within that time. Even Justice couldn't fathom how he was still standing let alone doing anything.  
  
Perhaps the elf was right, strong willed. Alex was strong willed enough to do any of this. Still didn't settle the trepidation and dread going through him. Still didn't stop the fear he was going to loose the one thing that mattered to him.  
  
Justice sat heavily on the edge of his bed, running both of his hands through his hair and tugged hard on it. If just one thing went wrong, just one thing-  
  
He felt something wet go down his face making him blink. His lashes were wet also. Was he... crying?  
  
Justice touched a finger through the wet, and sighed lowering his head. He was crying. He stared at his wet fingers as more joined the first ones down his cheeks. Spirits don't cry, they don't feel, they don't fall in love, they aren't meant to be what he's becoming. They were ideals, not whatever he was now. Confusion ran through him again.  
  
"Justin. Can I-"  
  
He looked up slowly to Alex standing in his doorway, looking down at the ground, "I do not want you doing this."  
  
Alex nodded his head at him as he came into his room, closing the door softly behind him, "I, I don want do either. But have to."  
  
"No you don't! Walk away, let someone else deal with it all," Justice practically jumped off the bed to grab Alex, pulling him in tight against him, "Justice should be served, but not with you. I, won't loose you to this! I... can't!"  
  
More tears rolled down his face when he laid his head on Alex's, the two of them gripping the other tight. If there ever were a person to give his life to, it was the one in his arms he would do it for.  
  
No matter the cost. No matter if confusion ran rampant through his entire being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Prodigy - Their Law - https://youtu.be/_juA1-O58Dc
> 
> Yup, you got it, Templars are Arseholes. A little warning ahead of time, it's going to be just as bad next chapter.


	15. Losing My Religion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes in for the sting....  
> Two people come back from the Deep Roads, and things start to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Attempted/Implied and Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Abuse, Roofies, Hurt/Comfort.
> 
> Tags also updated for others things too.
> 
> Italics for first part with Alex, is his mind talking to him.
> 
> R.E.M. - Losing My Religion - https://youtu.be/xwtdhWltSIg

**9:34 Dragon - Wintermarch.**  
  
Alex sucked in several deep breaths as Isabela sorted his clothing out, for the umpteenth bloody time that evening. He had to look perfect, had to look as damn approachable as he could for the arseholes in that place. His stomach clenched when she smoothed down his fringe again, then sighed when she stepped back.  
  
"Pup, Maker, I'll be watching, we all will," she nodded at Donnic, his men and the dwarves in the doorway, "They want them gone as much as we do."  
  
"I know. Let, let me- I need go do now before I shit myself."  
  
Isabela smiled sadly at him running her hand down his cheek, "We'll be watching."  
  
Alex sucked in another deep breath and set off, on his own, with no weapons, nothing as he walked past the dwarves. The Merchant's guild were more then happy to send them after hearing about these sick fucks. Apparently, dwarves tolerate little for anyone who do things to young people, human or otherwise. Not like it made it better for Alex when he pushes the door open to the 'SweetBox.'  
  
Ugh, even the name of the place wanted to make him vomit.  
  
The smell inside made his stomach roll again, the smell of sweet cigars, cheap booze, and sex. But mostly, what caught his nose when he slowly strolled up the darkened bar, was fear. The sick smell of fear stunk the place out when he sat on a stool, looking about himself at everyone.  
  
Only a few people in here looked at him, most he knows from the market. But he could see out the corner of his eye and entire table of men looking at him, whispering to each other as they all smirked and smiled, nodded and grinned looking him over. God, he wanted to be sick when the fattest bloody man he has ever seen, grinned at him with broken teeth from behind the bar at him.  
  
"Well, lookie what we have 'ere. What'll you have sugarpop, free 'o' charge for you," the man licked his lips and winked.  
  
"Whiskey," Alex muttered dipping his head pretending to be coy, "please."  
  
"Comin' up, sugarpop."  
  
Ugh, that was the most disgusting sounding nickname given to anyone, let alone from this fat man. Let alone anyone else in here, who were still looking at him like he was prized cattle in the market, just ready to be bought and- Alex swallowed when the drink was placed in-front of him, the fat man trying to smile nicely when Alex picked it up and drank it.  
  
_Huh, no bitter sweet tang like Isabela thought there would be. Whiskey's not drugged then._ _Still, was worth taking the antidote just incase._ But shit, the whiskey had a different bitter taste he remembers from back home, one he hates.  
  
He took another sip smiling at the fat man coyly, "Is good. More?"  
  
"Anything you want, sugarpop."  
  
Alex drank down the rest of the whiskey, licking his lips slowly as another was placed down, the bitter taste making his damn tongue twitched. Several of the men at the table he was watching surreptitiously got up, one of them making their way over to him. Alex looked down at his glass and thumbed it as one of the men came and stood next to him, waving a hand at the fat fuck, then tapped the bar. He looked sideways at Alex and smiled, running his fingers down Alex's arm.  
  
"I've seen you around before. Walking through the market on your own."  
  
Alex just dipped his head and smiled coyly again.  
  
"Such a silent good looking man you are. Always on your own, seems a fucking waste to me," the man smirked even more wrapping his arm around Alex's shoulder, then puts his mouth against his ear and murmurs, "We could have alot of fun, me and you. Would you like that?"  
  
"Kay," Alex muttered out biting his lip, then pretended to sway on the chair a little, "Oh," he giggled out. _Bingo... Ugh, yeah, never ever say that again Alex._  
  
"I think my, friend here needs... another one, don't you?"  
  
The fat man just smirked wide, rummaging behind the bar pulling out a clear bottle with dark liquid. The fat man poured out a generous glass taking his whiskey away and put that in-front of him. _Er, what the fuck? Isabela never said anything about this? Shit. I need to play along._ Alex dipped his head again and drank some of the liquid.  
  
More men from the table got up and made their way over to him, and Alex's mind began to swim. _What the-_ he blinked several times looking at the man who had his arm around his shoulder, who just smiled, gripping harder on it digging his nails in as the muscles in Alex started to stiffen.  
  
"We're all going to have a good fucking time. Ain't that ri-"  
  
The sound of a fight outside broke what ever the man was going to say. _Oh fucking hell. Please not now!_  
  
Isabela's voice rang out past the door, shouting. The entire place rose up, filtering outside to see what the fuck was going on,  Alex could hear more then Izzy's voice shouting, there was Carver and Fenris joining in too, Donnic, all of them! _Oh God, what the fuck-_  
  
"Get 'im upstairs now, Dan," one of the men behind him hissed.  
  
Alex's mind swam bad while he was dragged off the stool by several pairs of arms. He tried to blink but couldn't as whatever went through him started to paralyze his body. His mind screamed at him, screamed and shouted he was screwed. Fuck, he was more then fucking screwed when they dragged him up the stairs, he was going to fucking well get gang raped by this lot!  
  
"We gotta be back at the barracks in an hour, Dan!"  
  
"Maker, I know alright, but we got our prize for the night though, right lads?"  
  
The men behind him cheered pulling his partially limp body down a dirty fucking hallway, some of the doors were open. God, the sounds coming from behind some of them made want to scream out loud if his mouth wasn't paralyzed too. He managed to move his eyes to one side, and wished to everything that he hadn't.  
  
There was blood splattered on walls in some rooms, what the fuck else was happening in this damned place? Alex wanted to cry out when they dragged him past another room, tears starting to fall down his face as several people were not only raping a young woman, but beating the shit out of another in the same room.  
  
_What the fuck? Sweet fucking fuck! Please, God, someone come find me before that fucking happens, please._  
  
Tears rolled down his face more when they dragged him to an empty room and threw him down on a mattress on the floor. Roaches scattered from under it, the smell of the thing stinging his nose when it dipped behind him, feeling weight pressing down on his back. The fight outside still echoed, muffled as it were, through the dirty window. The sounds from other rooms, coming though the now shut door, pinged inside his skull.  
  
_God I'm right here! I'm right here, oh God..._  
  
"Get his pants while I tie his fucking hands up."  
  
"Fucking shit, Dan. Just fucking do him right there. He ain't gonna be moving as it is."  
  
"If you don't get his fucking pants off, I'll fucking stick it to you as well, Nick!"  
  
"Go ahead, you know I fucking like it you sick cunt," the man laughed. He actually laughed yanking Alex's pants down to his thighs, not even bothering with the laces, just, ripping them right on down, carrying on a conversation like it was a normal fucking day. All fucking five of them.  
  
_Sweet shit, someone please!_  
  
"Oh look at that, he's got tattoos. Maker, I got fist dibs!"  
  
The men all laughed behind him when his face was pushed down into the dirty mattress, tears still falling from his eyes trying to fucking well move, letting out a small pained sound though his paralyzed mouth. But he couldn't move when he felt something hit his arse, trying to prise his cheeks open to shove whatever it was in him.  
  
Alex tried to close his eyes but couldn't, he didn't want to think right now with whats about to happen to him. It all went wrong, every fucking thing went wrong. He knew it would, he fucking knew it would!  
  
_If there ever is a God, Thor, Krishna, Maker, Andraste, please make them stop, PLEASE!_  
  
"Oh he's gonna be a tight one."  
  
"Fucking hurry up, Dan. Your taking too long as it is."  
  
"Shame he ain't," Dan the cunt grunted trying to force himself into Alex, "a mage. Would of made this so much better."  
  
"Too fucking right. Filthy bloody robes. Maker, Dan, hurry up I wanna get in with ya."  
  
"Shit, give me a knife or something. Gonna need to cut his-"  
  
The door blew open, the taste of blood and lightening struck Alex's tongue, and cried even more at Merrill and Justice's voices.  
  
_Thank you, thank you, thank you! Oh fuck, thank you._  
  
He couldn't see what was happening, but judging by the shocked gasps and the smell of shit hitting his nose, the smell of blood and lightening, he didn't need too. Both of them were killing the damn Templar gang raping fucks. More tears streamed down his face into the disgusting thing under him. It was his brother all over again, was his fucking brother all over again when he found him. _Oh God, it was my brother all over again._  
  
A hand went on him, he would flinch if he could as his pants were tugged upward, "Lethallin, oh creators Lethallin, we almost didn't make it. A gang decided to try and take us all out when they found us. The dwarves are hurt bad and so is Isabela. Carver has taken them to the Hanged Man with the guards. Fenris should be- there he is."  
  
"Fasta Vass, Alex, We're here!"  
  
"I knew it would go wrong," Justice growled out, "We are NEVER to do this again with one of our own. NEVER!"  
  
"All or nothing, demon. We will never allow this to happen to anyone else. Those Templars," Fenris spat, "in the Gallows will not know what hit them. None of them."  
  
"Lethallin, we're going to get you out now, okay. Justice is going to carry you, I can break the paralysis on the way. Why didn't Isabela count for this! Why?"  
  
Alex was turned around gently and picked up just as gently when Justice looked down at him, his eyes pained and hurt. _This is my fault, God, this is my fault for agreeing to this!_ Tears rolled down his face more as Merrill worked on to break the paralysis as they fled the fucking place, and managed to close his eyes as to not look at the man carrying him.  
  
This was his fault.

* * *

  
  
Carver slammed his hands down on the edge of the table, then upended the heavy thing against the bookshelves. Alex was so close to being fucking broken by those pieces of shit if Merrill hadn't ran off with Justice. Isabela was down with a gut wound, two of the dwarves were dead, one was missing a fucking hand. Maker fucking dammit, they almost lost two of their own because of the fucking Redwater Raiders.  
  
"Never again," he growled out putting his fist into the wall, "Never ever again."  
  
Why, why did they all agree to this shit? They put Alex's life in so much danger and that cut deeper then any damn wound he's ever had.  
  
Donnic was frothing mad he lost several of his men too, and worse, some of the people in that fucking place WERE the guard! WERE some city officials! This city was more corrupt then the fucking blight.  
  
"Carver, Maker... what did you do?"  
  
"I broke the fucking table," he spat at Donnic in the doorway, "thats what. Never again, you hear me!"  
  
Carver pushed the man into the wall, his finger trembled in the mans chest, "I will never, ever put one of my damn people in THAT POSITION AGAIN!"  
  
"I know. Shit, I know that alright. Fuck it Carver, I lost some of my good men because of that blood mage mind addled gang!" Donnic wrinkled his nose up then slumped down the wall, "Jeven's put me on unpaid leave for the next six months, as if thats going to fucking make this shit any better. I need to find dirt on him, Carver, we need to get his damn arse OUT of the guard!"  
  
Carver just shook his head letting Donnic slide down the wall when he backed off. His stomach flipped hard when he heard shouting down in the bar, the shouting coming from-  
  
He stormed past Donnic, who now had his head in his hands on the floor, and sighed out at Anders and Varric waving their arms at everyone down in the main bar. Carver then frowned, looking at the dirt on them, he frowned even more when he got closer. Neither Mauri nor Aveline were with them when they looked at him.  
  
"Thank fuck you two are back," he ground out through his teeth, "We need to talk. And don't you DARE give me shit. None of us are in the fucking mood for it right now, alright."  
  
"Junior, we know. We heard," Varric sighed out running a hand through his loose dirty hair, "we need to talk too."  
  
"Where is he?" Anders asked him wringing his sleeves together.  
  
Carver waved his hand and led them up the stairs while the tavern broke out in arguments, some running out the door shouting about, _'_ Payback!' Good, at least these fuckers were good for something other then drinking.  
  
"Don't say a bloody word when you see, neither of you. I only found out not long ago myself."  
  
"Er, Carver... now whats going on?"  
  
"Anders, don't say a damn word, just fucking tend to Alex. He needs healing and not just the fucking physical kind, okay," Carver knocked on the door, then nodded at the 'Come in.'  
  
He opened the door and let them both in. Justice had Alex laying next to him with his arms wrapped around him, his head resting on top of Alex's dark brown hair. His blue eyes looked up at them all, then squinted at Anders when the mage walked over slowly.  
  
"You will say nothing," the older man said quietly, "and you will be quiet. He has only just gotten to sleep."  
  
Anders just nodded kneeling down next to the bed, "Maker, we heard when we came through the city. The entire place is in uproar. So, my clinics gone as well then?"  
  
Justice just nodded moving to sit upright more, gently pulling Alex up as well, "Alex and Carver dealt with it all before 'this', but we nearly lost both Alex and the slu- and Isabela. Donnic lost some of his guards and the Merchant guild lost two dwarves. The Templars and guards have lost a LOT of filth, but no-where near enough."  
  
"Yeah well, we didn't exactly have a good time in the deep roads either," Anders slumped down on the floor, "We got fucked over by both Maurevar and Bartrand. Aveline's now with the Wardens. Me and Varric nearly didn't make it back."  
  
Carver balked by the door then shut it when Varric tugged on his arm, "Mauri did what? Makers fucking cock what did he do!"  
  
"Ran off with my brother with some idol, Junior. Seems those two planned the whole thing: to leave us all down there, which is why he wanted you to come as well," Varric shrugged his whole body then sighed when he slumped next to Anders, "He, told us what he did to you, often. Maferaths balls, why didn't you say shit?"  
  
Carver shook his head and faced the wall, "Not like any of you would of believed me anyway. Not after the whole," he waved his hand at Alex, "Look I really don't want to go into any of that shit right now, alright. And whats this about Aveline?"  
  
Anders sighed holding both Justice's and Alex's hands in his, "When those two locked us in, we were trying to find a way out. Aveline, unfortunately, got bitten badly by a Genlock. But," Anders swallowed, "I still had other Warden maps incase they followed me here, you know. We found them and now if she survives she'll be a Grey Warden. Which surprisingly enough, she was really happy about. She hated it here apparently, hated being under Captain Jeven."  
  
"We barely got out, Junior. Just me and Blondie against all the creepies down there? Shit, I'm gonna kill Bartrand when I see him again."  
  
"Not before I get my damn hands on my twin you don't," Carver spat, "He's gonna fuck your brother over too, just you watch. Maker I fucking knew he'd do something!"  
  
Alex stirred on Justice's chest and blinked his eyes open. The older man kissed the top of his head, which made Carver look away from it. He wasn't jealous of either of them, no, not at all.  
  
"Varr? Anders?" Alex mumbles out, "You back? I not dream am I?"  
  
"No, no, your not," Anders squeezes Alex's hand, "We're back, barely."  
  
"Is Izzy-"  
  
Carver sighed out, sitting down on the edge of the bed, "She's going to be fine. Merrill patched her up with her own blood. Yeah don't blanch Anders, Merrill's decided to become a blood healer, which works pretty damn fucking well. Healed her as best she could without training too."  
  
"Well thats just great. Andraste's flaming knickers, this is a mess. Who was that in Varric's room crying by the way?"  
  
"Thats Donnic Hendyr, WAS of the guards, was trying to sort all this shit out with Aveline a few years back. He's now on leave for the next six months, but we're gonna help him get his Captain out, gonna help him sort this damn mess of a city out," Carver just smiled at Anders, "Which is going to take a LOT of work. Which also means your moving you clinic else where, and make it legal so the fucking Templars don't do that shit again."  
  
"Well then, thats a start I suppose," Anders mumbles out looking at Alex again, "Will you let me check you, Alex? If Merrill hasn't yet."  
  
"Kay."  
  
Carver looks back at Varric running a hand through his hair, "So, Mauri just stole some idol, was it even worth going down there then?"  
  
"Are you kidding me!" Varric just snorted and grinned at the same time, "They ran off with that, while we, got the treasure. I mean like a LOT of damn money. We're gonna be rollin' in it Junior!"  
  
"Maker, stop calling me Junior. You do know I'm older then him by fifteen fucking minutes right? I don't really care about the money right now, Varr. I care more about keeping everyone safe from now on. You know what," he smirked at the dwarf, "I'm gonna buy that Hightown Amell mansion, and stick it to the whole lot of them. They wont be able to touch me, they wont be able to touch any of you. So you all better be damn ready to help me move into that place and make it ours."

* * *

  
  
Anders looked around his ruined clinic, looking at everything he worked so hard for, only to see it all smashed and broken on the floor. He was devastated when he heard through the people he knew, then even more so when he heard what happened to his friend Lirene and his helpers. Shit, most of them were now Tranquil in the Gallows, if not dead. Lirene was happy to see him alive and well, then told him everything thats been happening.  
  
Even with what she went through, she still smiled, she still helped Ferelden's in her shop and still fretted about everyone else but herself. Alex, on the other hand, was not alright.  
  
Maker, what a mess.  
  
Always Templars, will always BE Templars doing what ever they wanted too. He needed to do something more for his fellow mages stuck in that place, he needed to do more for the people on the outside too, there needed to be more justice in the fucking world. Just like what Carver was trying to do, and will do. Wasn't that a shocker. And then there was the most unlikely of people behind him helping him out as well.  
  
"Mage, I suggest you gather what you can, you'll be staying in my mansion."  
  
"Maker Fenris, when did you get all nice?"  
  
Fenris just rolled his eyes at him, "When everything went down the crapper. Mage, I am not a heartless beast. After what I have seen what those Templars, do, I have changed my mind considerably. What we all saw, was how corrupted this city really is while you were down in the dark, and all I see, is a different version of Tevinter. And mage, it's not pleasant."  
  
"Yeah but, in your mansion, with all those corpses looking at me?" Anders shuddered skirting around the broken cots, "Can I give them names?"  
  
"FASTA VASS, MAGE! They already have names. Alex gave them all names, and you shall use them appropriately when I point them out."  
  
Anders barked a laugh going to his room, well, was his room. Ugh, he wrinkled his nose up at the stains on the broken bed, on the sheets, up the walls. Yeah, this, was fucking disgusting, worse then being back in Kinloch. BUT, at least his things survived, hidden away as they were behind several false panels. He pushed his thumb nail into the slot letting it click open, his Warden back pack tumbling out with everything he held dear within it. He did the same with another panel, pulling out his old Warden staff, his books and his private stash of lyrium.  
  
"Did Justice take all his things?" he asked the elf in the main clinic.  
  
"Yes he did, before all this happened, mage. He has been staying in the tavern all this time. Kaffas, I had no idea he and Alex were that... close."  
  
Anders almost dropped the packs on the floor when he came out of his room, "What did you say?"  
  
Fenris' face went bright red when he lowered his head, his ears slightly drooping, "I said nothing, mage."  
  
"No, no, you said-"  
  
"MAGE, I know what I said. That walking wall is going to kill me!"  
  
Anders bit his lip from laughing, then did it anyway when Fenris raised an eyebrow at him still bright red, "I had no idea the most insufferable damn spirit I've ever know was even remotely interested in any of that. Andraste's knicker weasels, thats... oh thats actually really sweet!"  
  
"Yes well," Fenris waved his hand about then coughed behind it, "we only found out AFTER the whole incident. When the demon growled in his throat about never letting his damn lover get in that position again. Thats when we all found out," he said lowering his voice.  
  
"He's not a demon, Fen," Anders chastised him.  
  
Fenris shrugged, "Perhaps. But the name has stuck. Like mage has stuck with you, and... you get the idea. I can hardly talk considering what I have done in my past for HIM, so there you go. And after what you all did for me with Hadriana as well, I acted poorly."  
  
"I kinda like this new side of you, Fen. Your just a sweetie hidden under all that spiky armour, aren't you," Anders smirked cocking his hip at the elf.  
  
"I am not! Mage, just... get your things, we're leaving!"  
  
Anders sauntered slowly over to the even more blushing elf, and tugged on the spiky pauldron, "Nah ah, not going anywhere, sweetie," he lent to the elf's ear and whispered, "Don't think I don't know what you are. Can tell," and tapped Fenris' neck gently with his finger, "A lot of mages in the tower were the same."  
  
"Venhedis mage, I am this close to... this close... stop flirting with me," Fenris whined.  
  
"Why? I think your damn gorgeous, Fen."  
  
Fenris blushed even more, his ears perked up on his head almost purring, "Mage, stop. I do not deal with, with this type of attention well. Least of all from a- from- Kaffas- stop it!"  
  
Anders backed off putting his hands up, "I know I know, I'm an insufferable, selfish, arsehole of a mage. I know what I am."  
  
"That's not what I said, mage, and you know it. I, I-" Fenris sighs out running a gauntleted hand over his face, "You are a very handsome man, is there no-one else who has caught your eye?"  
  
"Do you see anyone else here?"  
  
"Good point," Fenris chuckled, "I'm an ex-slave from Tevinter, who prefers to be a man, etched in lyrium, with nothing to give anyone. Does that not bother you?"  
  
"And I'm an apostate, ex-Grey Warden who until recently, lived in the sewers, who was host to a poxy spirit! Does that bother you?"  
  
Fenris shook his head slowly looking at Anders from under his long fringe, then smirked, "Do you wish to tread that line with me, mage? You might just get burnt, or worse, I might actually like it."  
  
"Now who's flirting?" Anders chuckled, "What if I want to get burnt, what then?"  
  
Fenris smirked even more grabbing Anders by the collar, bringing the man close to his face, "Then we shall get very much burnt together," and kissed him hard.

* * *

  
  
"Dammit Junior, did you really need to break my sodding table?"  
  
Carver lowered his head, "Yeah sorry. Was so frustrated with the whole fucking thing, you know. Fuck it, varr, I'll buy you a new one from Orzammar, alright."  
  
Varric just snorted waving his hand, "It's fine. I gotta new one coming from the guild anyway. Say," Varric threw a whole load of papers into his fire, "how'd you feel about going in, well, into business with me? I mean other then the whole deep roads thing almost killing me and Blondie, and our brothers backstabbing. I mean a real business. Legit like."  
  
"Makers fucking tits, you've changed."  
  
"Yeah I know, I think we all have, Junior. Shit, need, new, name," Varric wrote on a piece of parchment, "But I'm damn serious. I know Blondie's gonna look for a new clinic, probably here in Lowtown which is gonna be good for everyone. And your gonna buy that mansion up in Hightown. But we can't just bum around looking for work, why not do something legit? I was thinking along the lines of actually working for the guard, IE Donnic when we deal with his shit. We do, what his men can't."  
  
Carver sat down heavily in one of the chairs looking at the dwarf, "Your serious ain't you. Like actually fucking serious, serious. Like a damn official Merc group? Spy's and shit?"  
  
"Yeah, exactly what I mean. I have a whole network out there, and theres all of us. This city needs a clean up, and Maferaths nutsack, we're gonna do it. I love Kirkwall," Varric nodded at him, sitting down in his own chair, "but I had no idea myself it was this bad. Even my network was rocked to shit when they found out."  
  
"Sweet fucking Maker, I love you so much right now, I wanna kiss you!"  
  
"You do that, I'll kick you so damn hard in your balls, I'll be calling you Sunshine," Varric grinned at him.  
  
Carver just smirked dipping his head, "Mate, I think you just found a new nickname for me. I'll fucking take Sunshine over Junior anyday. Yeah, if Donnic agrees, then I'm fucking game."  
  
Varric smiled parting his arms wide, "I got a great name for us too: The Unforgiven. Because that's what we all are, what we're gonna do to this damn city of ours, Sunshine."


	16. Born Slippy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Isabela recover. He goes back out into Kirkwall, and tries to live again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mentions of previous chapters attempted rape/non-con, guilt, abuse.
> 
> Underworld - Born Slippy - https://youtu.be/iTFrCbQGyvM

**9:34 Dragon - Guardian.**  
  
The wolf tooth earring sat on top of the table staring at him. Untouched in months, just sitting there doing nothing. Alex ran a finger down it and sighed looking up into the mirror. He looks like shit again. Is it any bloody wonder, considering.  
  
Alex looked over his hair, the fringe then closed his eyes. Trying hard not to remember the sounds, the hands on him, manhandling him. Trying hard not to remember the smell, the tastes on his tongue. Trying hard not to remember what his own damn brother went through too.  
  
God, it was almost the same. From the dirty mattress where he found his brother, to the men trying to fucking rape him. Guilt ran through him when he looked into the mirror again, guilt, pain, disgust and everything inbetween. He fucking agreed to do it and nearly cost him dearly in doing so. Nearly cost them all.  
  
He was hoping this life would of been better for him, but shit, it wasn't not really. It was like his own life was being repeated, but yet, it wasn't. The only damn good thing so far were the friends he's made and the man who's not exactly a man but yet he is, he's in love with. Alex chewed his lip looking over the wolf tooth again, then nodded. He knows what to do with that.  
  
But first theres someone he needs to see.  
  
His legs shook a little walking towards the door, so did everything else on him when he took the handle. It's only been two weeks, but feels like forever when he opens the door with a struggle. He felt weak, walking a few doors down, weak and guilty. It was his fault, it was all his fucking fault when he stood outside the door.  
  
"Izzy? You wake?"  
  
"PUP! Get in here," his friend shouted from the other side.  
  
Alex sighs pushing the door open and smiles sadly at her laying in bed. This strong damn woman, was laying bandaged up to the nines, from neck to thighs.  
  
"I thought gut wound?" he asks looking her over, frowning.  
  
"It is, pup. But had a little accident a few days go," Isabela sighed out patting her bed.  
  
Alex frowned even more joining her, "What you do?"  
  
"Welllll, I tried to get up you see, and ended up falling down the stairs right on Norah, who," she huffed out crossing her arms then winced, "was carrying a rather large pot of boiling water for the privy. So yeah, kinda got ouchies, sweetthing."  
  
"Well, fuck! Anders no heal? Why he no heal, Izzy?"  
  
Isabela huffed out again, "So yeah, heres the thing-"  
  
Alex slammed a hand over his face, "What you do now?"  
  
"Me? OOooh no, not me, should ask Sparklefingers that! He's been 'Busy' with someone else apparently."  
  
"I go kill him, yeah. Drag his arse here to heal. Who he be busy with not heal you?" Alex frowned even more.  
  
Isabela lent over to him and smirked, "Fenris, apparently."  
  
Alex fell right off the bed into a heap on the floor. Anders and fucking Snowy! Of all the people-  
  
"You joking, rite?" he asked from the floor while she cackled above him.  
  
"No I'm bloody not, pup. And no, their not fucking yet. Just, ugh I have NO idea what their doing to be honest."  
  
Alex snorted then laughed hard on the floor trying to stand, then slumped on the edge of her bed shaking as he laughed harder, "Fuck me. That, that is-" he put two fingers together, and laughed again, "opposite attract!"  
  
"And you, you sneaky damn shit. Why didn't you tell me you and stick-in-the-mud were fucking!" she glared at him without heat.  
  
"Was private. Guess no any more, huh. Was only one time, but," Alex wiped his face when he climbed back in her bed, "I, love him more then," he waved his hands then smirked, "everything."  
  
Isabela shook her head slowly at him then grinned wide, "Pup, I may not like the whole love idea, but you two, Maker, even I can't fake that shit up. I think it's sweet, just don't tell any one I said that."  
  
"Lips sealed, Izzy. But Snowy and Anders, can't get head round that."  
  
"Pup, Fenris has had a thing for the mage for a while now, and too damn afraid to say anything incase he turned out like, ugh, his former Master. So, they argued instead."  
  
Alex slammed a hand over his mouth again trying hard not to laugh, "Like in school, 'I like you, so I pull hair, piss you off to make like me.' Is too silly!"  
  
"Well it worked. Maker, I wanna see them two go at it too, wouldn't you?" she wrinkled her nose up grinning even more, "All that hot frustrated sex thats been pent up for a while. Maker, could do with that myself right about now."  
  
"Yeah, want watch that," Alex smirked at her shocked face, "What, I can perv too!"  
  
"Dammit pup, why'd you have to just like men? It's not fair," Isabela pouted crossing her arms over her chest, "all the hot sexy looking pieces of eyecandy ain't even interested in little ole me. I'm hurt."  
  
"Merrill?"  
  
She shook her head, then nodded it, "Alright you have me there. I'm sweet on the girl. Again, don't you damn well tell anyone that."  
  
"I wont. But she love you, you make her happy, and you say you no like idea of love," Alex shrugged.  
  
"It's complicated, thats all."  
  
Isabela sighed out again resting her head on Alex's shoulder, "Are you alright though, pup? It's been a fortnight and you've hardly left your room."  
  
"We all got hurt, all of us," he rested his head on hers, "But, I don know. It all too much like brotha, far to same for me. Can still feel them on me, I don like it. I feel guilt too, for all it. Feel like my fault."  
  
"Sweet shit pup, its not your fault. We tried to get to you, but those fucking arsehole raiders fucked us over. We were all so fucking scared that Merrill and Justice couldn't get to you in time. Maker, it's not your fault or mine. I feel just as guilty, and so did Carver," Isabela clamped her eyes shut when he looked at her, "I had no idea about the damn paralysis shit, I had no idea about the other sick fucking things they did there. All I knew is that they liked younge men and women, elves, humans and dwarves, made me sick even thinking about it when we talked.  
  
And then, making you be in that position. Shit, pup, we all fucked up bad on that one, all of us. So sweetheart, don't you ever feel guilty, it's not your fault. It's their's not yours."  
  
Alex chewed on his bottom lip, thinking about it all again. He didn't want to have too, but he did. He wrote everything down as it was then handed the journal over to Varric when he came saw him. The dwarf gave it back a few hours later telling him, not yet. He was dealing with his own shit, but still, Alex felt-  
  
He felt guilty.

* * *

  
  
God was it still cold out, like unbearably so, trying to hunker down in his hoodie. Fuck he needed a new one, well a coat at least, maybe something long and sweeping. He never did buy the new shit he needed before-  
  
Alex shook his head. _Not now, we have plans and you doing all this thinkings getting us no-where fast, boy._  
  
He huffed puffing white breath from his mouth waiting for the Silversmith to hurry the fuck up. He gave the man the tooth a week ago with Isabela, the woman smirking the entire time about the whole idea. He made his mind up what he wanted to do, even if it felt a little weird right now, it felt bloody right to do it.  
  
Next month, Alex rolled his eyes at himself, would mark a year of actually being here, which also marked his twentieth birthday. Anders checked and double checked him making damn sure he was nineteen turning twenty, which was confirmed. Which made a LOT of things that much easier, well not really, but Alex knew what he meant, and thank the fuck for magic! Da would of loved that shit.  
  
The feathered mage wanted to bloody know why Alex needed to know so badly, he just shrugged and said _'For birfday, silly.'_ With Isabela and Merrill adding, _'For assurance.'_ He was still the baby of the group though.  
  
And then Alex poked and prodded him about Snowy, which the mage just blushed then grinned wide, _'Yes, we are. But not like that yet. Taking it slow, you know.'_  
  
"Oi, lad. It's done."  
  
Alex looked at the Silversmith holding the tooth and let his mouth drop open, taking it from the mans hands, "It, its... thank you!" he grinned.  
  
"No problems lad, was really good working on it. Sorry took so long, but wanted it to look its best for ya."  
  
"Can you make more piercing?" he asked the man tapping his own.  
  
The Silversmith squinted his eyes at all the hoops and studs in his ears, nose and lip, then nodded, "Sure I can. Have to wait till it's warmer though lad. No more supplies till then."  
  
Alex smiled wide at the man before he left, tucking the tooth into his belted pouch, then set off for the market. He had a bloody list he needed to buy and by fucking golly miss molly was he gonna get the damn list.  
  
He walked through the bustling market nodding his head at the people he knew well, stopping at a food stall buying a nice warm bread roll stuffed with meats and cheese. God, did he love that, biting deep into it as he strolled through everything. Everyone here had heard by now about the place of shit, and no-one was happy about it. Turns out, there was another one in Hightown catering to sick fucks with money! The Viscount slammed that down hard with Donnic's and Carvers help. Jeven on the other hand, was still Captain.  
  
They all needed to try and oust the man, and soon. But they needed proof the man was slimy as shit.  
  
Alex walked past a very innocuous shop and stopped, back tracking to peer into the slightly dark windows. Shit, if that turned out to be a little shop of horrors he was going to-  
  
He nearly dropped his meaty roll looking through the window. Several long leather coats were lined along one wall, long leather boots on another. Sweet fuck! Alex shoved the rest of the roll into his mouth, trying to chew it quickly when he opened the shops door, a little bell tinging above his head.  
  
"Be out in a moment," a sweet sounding voice came from somewhere.  
  
"Kay," he answered back looking with wide eyes at the coats. Holy fuck, were they beautiful, with the buckles and clasps and... everything.  
  
"Oh, hello there young man."  
  
Alex looked over his shoulder, then down. The woman was exceptionally short and dumpy, her greying hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, her hands tucked under her bust like any grandmother he's seen, and smiled at her.  
  
"I, look for new coat. And I found shop by acci-accident. You have nice, boots too."  
  
"Oh thats sweet of you dear," the woman smiled waving her hand around the shop, "I cater to those who, well, have a thing for this. I can tell you do, dear."  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow and looked at the boots more closely. Some of them had rather high heels on them, and nodded, "Kind of. Want new coat and boots, no heel, tall without that."  
  
"Dear, I have a wide selection of coats, boots, pants, shirts, anything a sweet looking young man like you wants. All handmade dear," she smiled taking his hand, "so I hope you don't mind the prices on them."  
  
"I need new things, um, what can call you?"  
  
"Oh silly me," she lets his hand go, and looks up at him, "Everyone calls me Miss. Sally. Originally came from Ferelden just before the blight and set up shop here. Done better business here then I did back in Denerim, dear. Now, let me look at you."  
  
Alex raised his eyebrow again as the woman hummed looking him up and down, walking around him, tapping her finger on her chin, humming even more. She then put up her finger as she waddled into the back room. He, should of felt real uncomfortable with her doing that, but he didn't. Felt nothing crawl on his skin, didn't feel uneasy with her at all. Miss. Sally was just like a homely dwarven grandmother when she waddled back with several things in her arms putting them down on the counter.  
  
"Now dear, I picked all these out for you. Just need, boots, yes, and the coat. Take a look, they won't bite, dear."  
  
He smiled looking over the items, and blinked pulling out a white shirt. He put that to oneside looking at the pants and other shirts too. Wow, how'd she know? He shook his head as a pair of flat bottomed thigh high and a pair knee high boots were put next to two long leather coats he were admiring next to the other things. Sweet shit, the thigh highs were buckled and laced all the way up. The knee highs just had laces.  
  
"What do you think, dear. Suit you?"  
  
"Yes, very much. I," he swallowed looking at them all, "how much for all?"  
  
"For you dear, two and fifty sovereigns for everything there."  
  
Well lucky he brought about four hundred out with him today, he knew it was going to be expensive, but this seems a steal.  
  
"I can do, that," he smiled at her.  
  
Miss. Sally smiles up at him again, gathering everything up, "I'll send these over to Master Tethras for you."  
  
Alex frowned putting the money pouch onto the counter, then at her, "I no tell you-"  
  
She tapped her nose, "No need dear. If you catch my drift."  
  
Network, of course. He nodded his head at the dumpy woman, putting the pouch of money into her hand, "Thank you, Miss. Sally."  
  
Alex left the shop with a slight spring in his step, pulling his hood away from his face. That damn dwarf had eyes and ears everywhere, and a little obscure shop like that too, why was he not surprised. A sweet little old lady dwarf who no-one would suspect of spying, was fucking perfect. Well, all he needed now were new underthings.  
  
Which, he could get on the way down to Merrill's. Shit, he promised to go see her today down in the Alienage, and Asden, and the children. And little Lia.  
  
Shit, he felt so sorry for her, for what that sick boy did to her. But none of the other children mocked her for not having her ears, infact, they all looked after the little girl. City elves look after their own, Asden told him, nothing like the Dalish ignoring them. Well, except for Merrill who went out of her way to bake cakes for them all when she could, telling them stories she remembers being told, treating them like her own clan she told him. And they accepted her with open arms too.  
  
Alex brought his new underthings, then brought a whole load of sweets for the kids in the Alienage. Maybe he'll rope Merrill into a snowball fight again.

* * *

  
  
"Three Serpents."  
  
"Maker fucking dammit chest hair!"  
  
Varric grinned wide at Isabela from behind his cards, "Oh yeah, I just beat you Rivaini."  
  
She looked back at him narrowing her eyes, from behind hers, "Prove it, chesty. Mama bel needs the shinies!"  
  
Alex chuckled from behind his cards watching them both try and out play each other. Oh little do they know-  
  
"Angel of Death," he smirks slamming the cards down on the table, "four Knights."  
  
The entire table slammed their hands down, Carver just wrinkled his nose up and threw them at him. Alex pulled the pot over, then threw his own cards at Carvers pouting face, sticking his tongue out at the man.  
  
"Pup, you cheated, you actually... wait you didn't," Isabela pulled out several of her cards from her bandages huffing out a sigh looking at them, "Your never playing again."  
  
"Who show me what do?" Alex smirked counting out his winnings, "Oh yeah, you."  
  
She just fluffed up her hair looking the other way, but he could see her smirking just as much. Alex shook his head reaching over to the pile of cakes Merrill made them all, taking his favourite one from the pile. He took a slow bite, savouring the sweet tang of the strawberry filling on his tongue, then licked his lips. God, she could cook, like really really well. The jam started to ooze out the middle so he stuck his tongue in it, licking it out.  
  
The table bounced a few inches, the small pile of cakes and drinks going everywhere.  
  
"Shit, sorry."  
  
Everyone looked at Carver going bright red trying to hide behind his tankard. Alex smirked and did it again, slowly sticking his tongue into the cake, and hummed in appreciation slipping his eyes closed.  
  
The table bounced once more, then Carver ran out the room. Oh, he was a very bad person. He popped the whole thing in his mouth and took another, righting his mug and Varric's. The table went back to conversation's again when he lit a smoke, putting the little cake next to his sketch book and winnings.  
  
"So Menace, you manage to do what I asked?"  
  
Alex looked over at the dwarf and nodded, tapping his sketch book pushing it over to him, "Got a few done. Donnic gave me help too."  
  
"Good. Sooner we get them printed up, the better. Oh, did Blondie talk to you too about your," Varric waved his hand at him, "tattoo thing?"  
  
"Yup. He want it on a, mani-manifesto? And other thing too."  
  
Varric grinned wide nodding his head looking through Alex's sketch book, "Oh yeah, looks just like them too. Damn Menace, I'm gonna have you draw for my books, kid!"  
  
"Really? I like that, Varric," Alex blushed a little smiling at his friend, "Thank you."  
  
"Naw, it's nothing Menace. I've always been shit at drawing and my publisher wants the damn book out soon. You just cut my shit in half. I'll write down what I want, and you work your magic."  
  
Alex's insides went a little funny at that. He's never had his drawings put into books before, let alone books done by Varric. Let alone drawing criminals portraits for the guard either, well for Donnic at any rate.  
  
"Venhedis mage, cease your prattling."  
  
"I'm not prattling, your just not listening to me!"  
  
"I am this close to hitting you."  
  
"Your finger's are touching, Fen."  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"OH Maker. Alex save me!" Anders whine's as he rushes into the suite hiding behind Alex, peaking out over the back of the chair at Fenris.  
  
"What you do, Anders?" Alex looks over his shoulder at the man trying hard not to laugh behind him.  
  
"I saw-"  
  
"The mage will not shut up about the kitten's he saw in the market."  
  
Alex bit back a laugh at them both looking at each other without any heat what so ever. God, was that cute when he just couldn't hold in inside any more.  
  
"You want hit him for kitten? You mean, Snowy."  
  
Fenris sits heavily in the chair opposite Alex glaring at Anders peaking out from behind the chair, "Yes!"  
  
"See, he is mean. Wouldn't let me pet one," Anders whine's again, hiding behind the chair.  
  
"Fasta Vass."  
  
The table laughed out at them both when Anders crept out, looking at the man opposite him. Alex felt the tang he knows well walk into the room, well, arrive he should say, then stands there looking at Anders slowly shaking his head.  
  
"I will not ask. I don't want to know."  
  
Justice sat next to Alex, taking his hand from under the table and squeezes it before taking the little cake next to him. Alex pushed over a tankard of mead that wasn't split then glared back at Anders nudging his leg under the table.  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Maker no, it's too damn cute," Anders grinned out, nudging his leg again.  
  
"Anders," Alex warned, narrowing his eyes at the snickering mage.  
  
The leg nudging got worse, "I warn you twice now, stop!"  
  
"Make me," Anders grinned, then shot up out of chair when Alex jumped over the table to get him, then chased the giggling mage out of the tavern.  
  
God was it still cold outside when he chased the giggling mage, grabbing a handful of snow on the way to throw. He went around the corner behind the pub then got pelted in the face by said sodding mage. Oh, this means war. He threw his snowball at him, then ducked another. Both of them ducking and diving away from the ones being thrown, then more joined in.  
  
They both look to where they were coming from, then both laughed at Justice and Fenris throwing snowballs Carver, who just appeared out of no-where. Alex grinned looking back at Anders holding a handful of snow, then looked down at the mans pants.  
  
"No, NO! Alex don't you daaaarrreeee-" Anders ran off again right into the lot fighting each other getting pelted from all directions.  
  
Alex jogged after him picking more snow then changed directions to Carver, who just squealed loudly as snow went down the back of his pants when Alex shoved it down them.  
  
"You bastard. You Maker taken cheeky shit of a bastard!"  
  
"Yup, I is that," Alex smirked then ducked, "OI!"  
  
By the time they went back in, they were all soaked to the skin and cold. But fuck was that fun. A pair of arms went around him from behind as Justice chuckled, resting his head on top of his while they walked up the stairs to Varric's room. Edwina was effing and blinding behind them about wet sawdust, not like that mattered much with some of the drunkard's vomiting on it.  
  
"Makers nuts, we need to do that again," Carver chuckled then sighed looking back at the two of them, letting Anders and Fenris dart past, "I think you two are good together."  
  
Alex frowned looking at the sad face the man had. If he hadn't of fucked up, they could of been together, but then... he wouldn't be with Justice, "You, still no with anyone?"  
  
"No, I'm not. Probably be for the best at any rate."  
  
Justice huffed out a sigh squeezing Alex's shoulders hard, "Carver, there is no-"  
  
"Justice, it's fine alright. As I said, it's probably for the best," he said just as sad as the look on his face and went back to Varric's suite.  
  
Alex shivered standing there in cold wet clothing, but whether it was to do with that, he didn't know. Justice pushed on his back making him move, but Alex refused too, standing there looking at the door. Carver, had feelings for him still? Even though-  
  
"Alex, you need to get out of those wet clothes, lest you get a cold."  
  
"Yeah, I know," he mumbled, then sighed shaking his head trudging to his room, "I have something, for you."  
  
He could hear the man huff out in annoyance behind him when the key turned, "Alex, I don't think- I don't require anything. What did you do, anyway?"  
  
Ahhh curiosity, "You see."  
  
Alex shucked out of his soaked hoodie putting it on the drying rack with his shirt, then went to his wardrobe to the belted pouch, "You sit. Need," Alex grunted as he sat down, "bloody hell, need sort this shit out."  
  
"Then stop buying new things," then man chuckled behind him.  
  
"BUT, pretties!"  
  
"Alex. Too much like Anders and his love of pretties."  
  
He looked over his shoulder and smirked, "I give what I no want to people who need it, so shush."  
  
Justice huffed a long suffering sigh then chuckled again laying down on the bed. God did Alex love that sound every time the man did it, everytime he laughed, let loose and be free even if was hard for the man to understand sometimes. Alex loved all of that about him. Ahh, finally he gently took the wolf tooth from the pouch and stood.  
  
"I," Alex blushed holding the thing in his hand as Justice sat up against the headboard, raising an eyebrow at him, "I had this, made for you."  
  
He opened his hand when he sat down and let the thick chain slip over his fingers the wolf tooth hanging from the end, the inlaid silver glinted in the fire light. Justice's eyes went wide looking at it, before taking it carefully from Alex's hand. His insides went squishy again, fuck, did they go squishy as Justice looking the piece over then beamed a huge grin at Alex, bringing him in for a crushing hug.  
  
"It, it is beautiful. But I thought- I-," Justice started to choke a little putting it around his neck. Alex has never seen him do THAT before, holy fuck. His insides went even more squishy when a tear rolled down the mans face, thumbing the tooth, "I will treasure it, always."  
  
Okay, that did it.  
  
Alex flung himself at the man, wrapping his arms around Justice's neck as he straddled him. Who was the one who said he never wanted to do all this again, kissing the man hard, he was. He never wanted to fall in love again, as they both chuckled resting their foreheads together. Alex never wanted to bare his heart to anyone ever again, but he did, he took it from his ribcage and held it in his hands to Justice, and he took it and kept it close. Alex, was lost, but in the best way possible.  
  
Justice laughed laying down with Alex peppering him with kisses, then took his face in his hands, "I never ever, want to loose you. No matter what. I would bathe this city in blood just to keep you safe."


	17. Caught By The Fuzz.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a trip in the Chantry, a trip to the Wounded Coast, then a trip to the barracks. Oh and Mabari puppies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lill bit of smut at start of chapter.
> 
> Supergrass - Caught By The Fuzz - https://youtu.be/iVNTwwVlybw

**9:34 Dragon - Drakonis.**  
  
Alex sunk down slowly, gently biting his lip while he did so. Justice ran his tongue up Alex's neck the more he sank down making them both moan quietly. Sweet fuck did he miss Justice's damn anaconda, feels like forever since they last did this, slowly rising back up the long thick shaft.  
  
Understandably so considering what happened, but fuck Alex wanted him badly and vice versa. They couldn't even wait to go back to the bloody tavern to fucking do it. So here they were, in the Chantry in one of the booths while the others go about their business. Justice dragged him off into it, closing the door quietly before he grabbed Alex's shoulders, kissing him hard as he sat down on the seat pulling Alex onto his lap.  
  
And now, Alex was riding the anaconda as quietly as he could with the mans fingers in his mouth, to silence him from moaning out loud. God, did Alex love that bit of control from the man, which fueled the damn fire that burned white hot inside him. Justice held him in place with his hand splayed on his back, Alex's own hands gripping Justice's shoulders tight as he sank down again, his feet firmly placed on the ground rising again.  
  
Alex wanted it a bit more frantic and hard, but this, right here, in the booth in the middle of the Chantry with parishioners and priests roaming around, was like a HUGE middle finger up at it all. He had no idea where his leathers were as he lent back gripping the shoulders harder. Not like it mattered, he would walk out there with none, saying it was a new fashion statement, or maybe taking a leaf out of Isabela's book.  
  
Drool ran down his chin, tilting his head back more biting down on the fingers in his mouth, and groaned around them fastening his pace a fraction. Justice was nipping and licking up his neck again, tugging on his earring as he met Alex's downward fall with a rise of his hips.  
  
"Beautiful boy," he murmured in Alex's ear then shudders rising his hips slowly into him, "desecrating the so called holy place."  
  
Alex grinned around the fingers. Oh yeah, they'll desecrate this fucking place all right when they both cum.  
  
"Think of us," Justice grunted and thrusted hard up into Alex, making him whine out drooling around the fingers, "everytime you see this filth of a place."  
  
His tongue was pressed down when Justice took his arse again in his hand, squeezing it hard rolling his hips up harder into Alex as he rode the man. His mind started to swim, feeling the lightening and thunder go through from the man, fuck knows how long they've been in here doing it, long enough for his hands to cramp that was for sure. Alex arched his back and hips going down on the thickness up his arse, and felt the thing hit the right spot inside him.  
  
Stars danced of his eyes doing it again, the fucking cock was hitting the sweet spot inside him, and sweet shit did he growl out around the fingers going down harder on it as Justice rolled up just as hard.  
  
"We, we will," Justice started to pant heavily pushing his head back into the wood behind, "do more of this-I am not going to last much longer!"  
  
Alex rode him harder, the stars going over his eyes, making his vision blur feeling his own climax about to hit. Shit, he was gonna paint them both with it if he didn't-  
  
His head threw back as he came, biting down on the fingers in his mouth hard. He could feel Justice's frantic hip rolls as well, and shot his eyes open as the man came hard in him too. OH fuck, oh fucking fuck, they were gonna be covered in it, he just knew it.  
  
Justice began to chuckle slowly sliding his fingers out of Alex's mouth, to which he, just started to chuckle too. They both just desecrated the bloody booth, and was that ever delicious as they kissed.  
  
"Mmm, beautiful boy. How are we ever going to leave in this state hmm?"  
  
Alex just shrugged, then hissed as he slowly got off the mans softening anaconda, "Go out nude."  
  
"Do not give me ideas," Justice chuckled again tucking himself away.  
  
Ahh, underwear, good. He picked them up and threw them at Justice while he went through his back pack, pulling out spare soft trousers he keeps for emergencies, "Use them. No need them right now," he snickered.  
  
"Alex love, thats... never mind."  
  
"You want clean up or no? Dirty shits," Alex snickers even more tying the laces up, "both bad as Izzy."  
  
Justice just narrowed his eyes up at Alex dropping the underwear on the ground, "We are not like her. I will not whore myself out and neither will you."  
  
"No, I mean anywhere, silly!"  
  
"Oh."  
  
Alex snorted opening the booths door, shoving his soiled leathers into his pack. Good, no-one were near them, and waved his hand at Justice when he snuck out first. Oh, he could smell the sweet scent of sex from outside the place and just couldn't stop grinning taking Justice's hand as they walked through the place. But still, the reason they were in there in the first place was to see if that fucking demon was still here.  
  
Well, it wasn't but he got himself a demoning alright, and grinned even more.  
  
"Alex, Justice, just the two people I was looking for."  
  
Donnic waved at them from the bottom of the Chantry steps, "I need your help."  
  
"What going on?"  
  
Donnic heaved a sigh rolling his shoulders, "Captain sent a whole load of women up on the coast, and well," he rubbed the back of his neck, "they've not come back yet. So I've heard at any rate. That, was over a fucking week ago."  
  
"Shit! We need go find them. Where on coast?" Alex asked the man,  
  
"Thats the thing, I have no Maker taken idea where."  
  
"SHIT!" Well this wasn't what he wanted to hear, "Go get Carver, we meet in pub in half hour."  
  
Donnic nodded, "He's in the mansion right?" backing off, then ran as Alex nodded to him.  
  
"Do you think this will oust the Captain if he sent these women to their deaths?"  
  
"Hope so. Keep finger crossed, yeah, he need to go."  


* * *

  
  
"Does it say where on the coast they could be or do we intend on searching the entire place," Fenris ground out, his finger's twitching in disgust.  
  
Carver shook his head at the missive Donnic stole for them, "No, they could be fucking anywhere here. Maker take Jeven!"  
  
"It's been over a week, I don't think their going to be alive Carver," Anders pinched the bridge of his nose, breathing heavily through it, "Shit."  
  
Merrill, Isabela and Alex scouted up ahead of them, looking and listening out for sign's of the missing guardswomen. Carver knew Alex wasn't in the best of mood's about it, but neither was Carver, they were Donnic's guards, they needed to find them no matter the state they where in.  
  
Root's and vine's suddenly erupted from the ground in-front of them, making Fenris flinch reaching for his sword as Merrill came tumbling out of them panting hard, "Creator's."  
  
"Merrill what the actual fuck!"  
  
"Oh sorry Carver, we found them. Their up ahead cornered by raiders. There's only a few left, we need to go now!"  
  
"Witch, I do not hope you intend on taking us through... that!" Fenris ground out again still reaching for his weapon glaring at her.  
  
"Elgar'nan YES!"  
  
Fenris sneered at her dropping his hand away from his weapon, then looked at Anders, softening his gaze sighing deeply, "Very well."  
  
Merrill nodded her head and motioned them to follow her to the root's, "Stand close to each other, hold hand's if needs be. It's going to be bumpy."  
  
Everyone sucked in deep breath's as they stood close to each other as the root's and vine's closed around them. The sound was deafening as they moved through the earth, the tumbling about did nothing for their stomach's either. Anders felt sure he was going to throw up on his angsty lover as they rolled through the dirt, the smell didn't help matter's either.  
  
Before too long the ground spat them out again, sprawling onto of each other. Anders felt his stomach roll as he tumbled off Carver who was laying on top of Fenris, now turning very green as their noses touched. Anders shook his head then threw up all over his boot's.  
  
"COME ON YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"  
  
"Creator's, is that Alex shouting?"  
  
The sound of a woman's scream was heard near-by making everyone flinch as they tried to stand, the sound of weapon's hitting weapon's, arrow's being let loose, and then the smell of blood magic permeated the air, making Fenris and Anders growl.  
  
"ISABELA, NO!"  
  
"Oh that can't be good," Anders muttered pushing healing through his stomach as he ran with the other's towards the sound of battle.  
  
"Holy Makers dingy fucking knickers, what's he doing?" Carver yelled out ahead of them, "He's taking on the fucking blood mage... Merrill, Fenris get in there and help him. Anders help me find Isabela!"  
  
Everyone nodded and ran off. Anders and Carver looked about themselves for Isabela, treading carefully around the fight in-front of them. Dammit where the fuck did Justice and Varric get to?  
  
Dark brown boots peaked out from behind a rock, as well as a lot of blood. Anders pushed Carver out the way running over to her, Maker fuck it, her white chemise now dark red. A deep gash was cut through it into her stomach and down her arm, one went over her left eye.  
  
"Watch my back, Carver. May take a while."  
  
"Do what you can. Maker fucking dammit where the fucks the other two?"  
  
Anders ran his hand's over Isabela's form finding the sources of blood, and pushed his healing into her as a roar erupted on the battlefield, making his heart race, "Maker Alex, please don't die," he muttered to himself, "Please don't do anything stupid. Justice will fucking kill us."  
  
"MAY THE DREAD WOLF TAKE YOU!"  
  
"Venhedis, Alex WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
  
Carvers breathing started to get heavy, the battle sounds drumming right through his core. Shit, he didn't want to loose Alex again, in anyway possible. Not for him, for Justice, for some fucking blood mage behind them, but if he moved now, Anders would be a goner too. FUCK.  
  
Dammit, he needed to move he needed to-  
  
A dark shadow flew over head then landed with a sickening splat on the ground, Anders eyes flew open as a head rolled down the small embankment towards them. Carvers eyes just as much open watching the head slowly roll forward. The hair... was the same as Alex's.  
  
"Oh Maker no, no, no, no, FUCK NO!"  
  
Another shadow fell next to them, Carver flung his hand out with a cold snap.  
  
"Maferaths balls, Sunshine!"  
  
"Varric," Carver chuckled out, then frowned at the head being picked up.  
  
"Fell Orden," Varric spat at the head in Justice's hand, "Bastard's part of Evet's Marauders. Been robbing and raping for months, Donnic's gonna be happy he's dead."  
  
Justice threw the head away into the distance and shook his own, "If you tell me Alex has done that, I will NOT be pleased. That man was a-"  
  
"Blood mage, we know. So yeah, Alex fucking did," Carver sighed out leaning against the rock behind him, "trying to protect Isabela I think."  
  
Merrill and Fenris came walking back, looking both pleased and pissed at the same time, Alex trudging slowly behind looking right at Isabela.  
  
"Is she- Oh fuck her eye!"  
  
"Alex love, what in the void where you thinking tackling a blood mage on your own again?" Justice picked him up looking him over, which just made Carvers heart clench tight in his chest at it.  
  
"Save Izzy. Work out well enough, rite."  
  
"Did we win?"  
  
Anders choked out a laugh as Isabela's eye opened, "Yes, yes we did."

* * *

  
  
Both himself and Alex watched Jeven get hauled away to be hung for treason, manslaughter, murder, rape and a whole stack full of allegations of the man using the Viscount's stamp to approve illegal cargo, and slaver trade. The man was going down the fucking crapper like the piece of ugly shit he was.  
  
Donnic beamed wide as the man was dragged off in chains and so were the guard involved in it all, leaving the man majorly understaffed. Which is why Carver and Alex were there to see if the official merc group would be hired by the guard, well... officially.  
  
If they could get past Senechal Brann that is. Maker, what a fucking weaselly shit he was too. Ugh, Carver hated the man.  
  
Alex knocked his arm then nodded to where Brann was standing, the man flailed his arms about at Varric. The dwarf just grinned, doffing his fingers like he would a hat then winked at both of them, leaving with a skip in his step tucking something into his duster. Alex snorted shaking his head, wrapping his arm around his own.  
  
"Paper money. I think, it got approved."  
  
"Well fuck me. You started something there, minx- shit, Alex."  
  
Alex snorted again tugging on his arm, "Yeah. Come to pound with me, I wanna see mabari."  
  
Carvers eyes lit up looking at Alex, "Theres a fucking pound here? Why the fuck didn't Donnic say shit about that?"  
  
"Because Carver, we've only just opened it," Donnic chuckled waving them into his office, "Rescues from refugee's, abused ones from gangs, and ones we saved on the coast after the clean up with Fell Orden."  
  
Carvers heart warmed a little, thinking about having another mabari, but it would have to be a pup so he could train it himself not to be scared of magic nor his friends.  
  
"Anyway, Brann also officially designated me as Captain now, which means," Donnic grinned wide, "I approve of the official merc group: The Unforgiven, to work along side the very understaffed Kirkwall guard."  
  
The man pulled a draw open in the desk pulling out a wrapped package, handing it to Alex, "You'll have to wear them to differentiate from the other fucking pieces of shit in this Maker taken city."  
  
Alex unwrapped the package, pulling out white, brown and gold arm bands with the Kirkwall guard insignia and, "Wings. You put my wings on them," Alex grinned.  
  
"Too bloody right I did. After what you lot done before Alex came along, to what you've done yourself, I want endorse you lot with every fucking thing the guard has."  
  
Carver smiled looking at the arm band, "Maker, thank you Donnic. Means a lot to me, for us all."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, now get the fuck out, I got paper work to do," the man chuckled, "Go see the pound while your at it."  
  
Alex wrapped his arm around his again dragging him through the barracks while he chuckled. Maker, he loved that sound, he still loved everything about him, but fuck did it hurt that he hurt Alex, that he was with fucking Justice of all people. Not like the spirit wasn't anything to sniff at either. But still, it hurt that he still loved the other man. Maybe a damn mabari pup would take the pain away he had in his heart.  
  
Sounds of soft boofing and whimpers echoed from ahead, making him smile at it. He will always love his mabari, loyal, loving, carefree, wonderful fucking mabari. Carver bowed his head, looking sideways at Alex, thats what he should of been, but he fucked that all up.  
  
"OH... their pretty," Alex giggled out letting his arm go, to which he almost whined at the loss of contact.  
  
"Yeah they are." _Not as pretty as you, Alex._  
  
Alex grinned at him then dropped it, frowning instead, "What wrong Carver?"  
  
"Nothing, just, it's fine." _Fuck, I'm not fine._  
  
"Don't, seem nothing to me," Alex stepped closer, "You no wanna see pup?"  
  
"Of course I do, I'm a full blooded fucking Ferelden! Damn straight I wanna see puppies." _But it's not going to fill my fucking heart, not like you would of done._  
  
Alex shook his head slowly sighing as he turned around, "If you say so."  
  
Fuck, his heart broke again watching Alex kneel down looking at a little grey mabari. Its little snout pushing through the wire as Alex cooed, scratching it under the chin. It broke even more when he turned his head away so he didn't cry again, like he has done night after night after fucking night. He was so damn lonely it was slowly stripping him away. He didn't miss his brother beating the shit out of him, nor the cooing that he was sorry, that he had to do it so he'd learn stroking his fucking hair.  
  
Carver sucked in a shuddering breath walking away from Alex the puppy now in his arms, nuzzling his chin. He was never meant to have anything.  
  
"No, where you go, Carver. You come back here and pet this other one," Alex called after him, but he shook his head and walked away.


	18. Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex celebrates his twentieth... with Carver. Things start to slowly unravel as well.  
> And more mabari puppies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - homophobia and homophobic slurs and past abuse mentions.
> 
> Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me? - https://youtu.be/PXatLOWjr-k

**9:34 Dragon - Drakonis.**  
  
Isabela threw her head back and laughed when Alex sat down, "Pup has a pup! Naw he's so cuuuute. The mabari's cute too."  
  
"You leave my pup alone," Alex hugged the thing close to his face and chuckled when it licked his chin, "And you look nice with patch."  
  
"Don't I look more like a pirate now," she grinned shifting the eyepatch, "And happy birthday for tomorrow, pup."  
  
Alex slumped down in his seat at the table when everyone cheered, "Yeah, great," he muttered under his breath hugging his puppy closer to him.  
  
"So what ya gonna call him, Menace?"  
  
Alex shrugged, "Her, and she be Trouble."  
  
"Menace and Trouble huh. Oh I like that, kid," Varric wrote something down then grinned back up at him, "Saw Sunshine storm through earlier. I thought shit was going good in the barracks?"  
  
"Yeah went good," he picked up his back pack, pulling out the arm band and gave it to Varric, "We now off-official."  
  
Fenris took another from Alex's pack turning it around in his hand, "Fasta Vass, these are nice. I hear Justice wants your tattoo etched on a new shield."  
  
"Yeah he does," Alex handed Isabela hers, who just frowned at it laying it flat on top of the table, "Anders want it on some mani-manifesto thing. I dunno what he mean though."  
  
Isabela shot up out of her chair, "I, need to go. I'll- yeah I need to go," then left swiftly leaving the arm band behind. Alex raised an eyebrow at it when the door slammed shut, then back at the other two who just shrugged.  
  
Trouble softly boofed in his lap, making him smile at the little grey thing running his hand over her head. Fenris nudged his arm out the way and picked his puppy up, holding her close while he drank his water.  
  
"This manifesto is to do with mage rights, Alex. But I believe he is adding other things to it as well," he nodded to him, "About the abuse of elves and young people. But mostly, it's mages rights."  
  
"Kay, I see. You think people will read or listen?"  
  
Fenris shrugged shaking his head at the same time, "I highly doubt it. All this has been going on for centuries and nobody cares. I would say I agree with some of it, but to let mages run around unchecked is asking for trouble. Blood mages would be abundant," Fenris sighs stroking Trouble under her chin, "it would do no good in freeing everyone and hope for the best."  
  
"Only blood mage I like, is Kitty. Other we see are horrible people," Alex shuddered thinking about the ones he's faced so far, "I don't like it." He then shuddered thinking about Templars and what they almost did to him too.  
  
"Nobody does, Menace. Summoning demons, killing people to drain their blood. Maferaths nutsack, I maybe a dwarf, but that shit scares the fuck outta me too, kid."  
  
"But what about the Templars? They go too far as well," Fenris shook his head again, "There needs to be a balance, needs to be restraint, but there is none."  
  
Alex felt his stomach roll even talking about all this. He didn't WANT to talk about this right now. He didn't even want to think about what the fuck those bastards almost did to him, what they-  
  
He picked up Trouble from Fenris' lap as he stood, putting her in his back pack biting his lip so he didn't cry, "I, need sleep. Talk tomorrow, yeah."  
  
As soon at the door shut, he heard Fenris talk to Varric from behind it before he went to his room.  
  
"Venhedis, he's still not right, is he?"  
  
"I think we should keep that shit to a minimum right now."  
  
"Anders has been fretting as well, though he hides it behind his snarks. I think something else is going on, but he wont tell me."  
  
Alex heaved a sigh pushing his door open, looking at Trouble nuzzling down in his pack to sleep. He wished Justice were here, but no, Anders needed him to set up his new official clinic with Lirene. He pushed his door shut resting his forehead on it, letting the pack slowly onto the floor so he didn't hurt Trouble. The first tear dripped from his face onto the wood of the door, the second stained his dark shirt before disappearing, the rest, just streamed down his face when he broke into sobs.  
  
Tomorrow, would mark the first year of being here. Would mark his official unofficial birthday. Would mark the day his entire life changed in an instant. He still didn't feel ready for anything he's done, what he's doing, what he's going through. He doubt he ever would be.

* * *

  
  
**One Year Today.**  
  
Carver sat in the middle of the room, looking at the stoked fire roaring, the orange flames dancing up the chimney. He sat there on his own in the place that should be home, but it didn't fucking feel like home. It felt cold, empty and unloved. He would scoff at that, exactly how he felt, if he wasn't crying watching the flames burn the log of wood.  
  
He should be down at the Hanged Man with everyone else celebrating Alex's twentieth birthday, but he just didn't have the heart to sit there with them all. Putting on a happy face while he sat there with them around the table laughing, singing, drinking. He didn't want to sit there and watch Justice and Alex be happy, watch Fenris and Anders be happy too. He didn't want to have to sit through more of Isabela's bawdy songs.  
  
Carver pulled the bottle of wine to his lips and drank it down, almost drinking half the bottle in one go. The bottle flew against the wall smashing into a thousand pieces as usual, the dark stain slowly sliding down onto the floor.  
  
Everything started to go wrong the moment he hit seventeen, the day his brother hit him hard for saying he liked men more then women. Calling him every name under the sun for being a fag, a queer, and stop yanking his dick over men.  
  
He was eighteen when he mother found him kissing another boy, calling him every name under the sun for blackening the Amell name for his debauchery. He was a fucking Hawke, he'd yell at her, then she'd hit him for the first time of many. Father wanted to leave then when she started drinking after Bethany's almost rape at the hand of Templars, then taking both him and Mauri to find the bastards who did it, and kill them.  
  
His first ever kill. One of many he'd do after that with the magic he kept hidden.  
  
Twenty was the first time he had his dick sucked by another man, and cherished every moment of it, wishing he could of had more from the soldier. Duty called, the man said and left not long after he came down the mans throat. He killed more Templars by ripping them apart with his magic, when he caught them trying to drag a small boy in chains to the circle.  
  
Twenty-one when he lost his virginity to fucking Peaches, his mother forcing her on him and watched the whole thing. Hit him hard after when he vomited on the girl, then pushed her to Mauri instead. Father lost it when he found out, telling mother she watched her own son being raped. Then he died, leaving him alone with his brother beating him, his sister crying everynight that she hated being a mage, his mother being a drunkard spending their damn money on anything but food.  
  
Twenty-one when he finally fell hard in love with another man, finally sleeping with them, loving every piece of him with everything he had. Faulkner was his everything and he was Faulkner's everything too. Twenty fucking one, and he wanted to marry the man, spend the rest of his life with him. He didn't mind Carvers magic at all, infact, he loved it.  
  
Twenty-three was when he was murdered by some Necromancer. Carver had his suspicions but there would of been no proof. Then the blight happened forcing them away from home, loosing Bethany and Dingles in the blightlands. Going to Kirkwall where his life changed once more. He vowed never to fall in love again, vowed never to even think about it.  
  
But little did he know that a few years later, he'd fall in love with Alex only to fuck it all up by using Mauri's damn name instead of his own. And now, he was once again left with nothing, sitting there drinking down another bottle before throwing that too, against the wall.  
  
Twenty-seven now, and sitting there on his own in the mansion he brought with the money from the Magistrate's cache. Sitting there with four bottles smashed on the wall, and he's not even fucking well feeling drunk what so ever.  
  
"Carver?"  
  
He frowned lifting his head slowly to the voice, and huffs a laugh, "What the fuck are you doing here?"  
  
"Bored."  
  
"It's your damn birthday, why the fuck ain't you with that lot down the Hanged Man, Alex?" he huffs a laugh again when Alex rolls his eyes at the bottles smashed on the floor.  
  
"No-one there. Don't care really."  
  
Carver frowned when Alex joined him on the floor with his head on his knees looking at him, "But, I thought- Where the fuck is everyone?"  
  
"Snoopy had meeting at guild. Isabela, don't know where she go. Kitty and Snowy busy with Asden in Alienage. Anders and Justin busy in clinic still. I didn't want sit there on my own, so," Alex smiled at him, "came here find you sitting here with wine stain on wall, again. Is early too drink Carver, so, hand me one yeah."  
  
Carvers heart warmed at that. Sad but warmed that Alex came on the day everyone else planned to spend with him, but was now sitting here with his sorry fucking arse.  
  
"I thought you and Justice had plans for later though?" Carver pushed over one of the bottles of wine to Alex, who smiled again taking it, "Maker, I had plans but fucking sat here for the past, fuck if I know."  
  
"Did," Alex chugged down a large mouthful then sighed putting it down, "but clinic more impo-important then that."  
  
"Bullshit," Carver spat, "your more important then the fucking clinic. On your fucking birthday too, thats bullshit."  
  
Alex just shrugged pulling his pack over, "Trouble wanted to see place too, so there that. And I don't care, just a stupid number on a stupid day that don't mean shit. I was twenty long time ago, now doing it again?" Alex pulls his puppy out, "Don't care."  
  
Trouble yawns curling her tongue up and whines at the same time. Maker, that was fucking cute when she blinked her sleepy blue eyes open looking at him yawning again.  
  
"Its your twentieth damn birthday, Alex. Shouldn't be spending it here with a fucking mess," he tickled the pup under her chin making her pant, "Maker, she's so cute."  
  
Alex lent on him drawing another long pull from the bottle then nods, "There was brown one you would of liked. Her brother. So," Alex grinned at him opening his pack up with his free hand and pointed with the bottle, "I got him for you."  
  
Carver stared at the little brown puppy yawning inside the pack, it's pale green eyes looking at him and yipped happily when he crawled out. The puppy sat right next to Carver looking up at him and yipped again, nudging his hand with its small cold wet nose.  
  
"I, I-" he felt tears well up in his eyes picking the tiny thing up in his arms, "Alex, Maker, I don't know what to say. I really don't."  
  
"Thank you, would be nice," the cheeky shit grinned at him.  
  
"Thank you. Maker thank fucking you," he cried kissing Alex on the cheek before bring him in for an awkward hug.  
  
"They can grow together now, not be apart from each other, like should be."  
  
Carver nodded holding Alex tight in his arm, resting his head on his shoulder, "Should be giving you shit today not the other way round."  
  
"Please, don't," Alex sighed pulling away, "I don't want reminder of day I die, kay. Don't want reminder of lot of thing, but still there," he taps his head, "still hurt. God, it's only been one year, and I feel done already."  
  
Alex sucked in a deep breath hugging Trouble tight to his chest, while himself had his in his lap curling up to sleep again.  
  
"I cried last night for hours, to point I slept on floor. I still hurt everywhere sometime. I still see things when shut my eyes, I try not dream so I don't see shit," Carver watched the tears roll down Alex's face and pulls him close again, "I know you cry too, can see it in your face. And I heard all you said when I hung my coat up, Carver. Me, and you," Alex rested his head on Carvers shoulder, "two broken people who get spat out because life like be a bitch."  
  
Carver closed his eyes moving closer to Alex, wrapping his arm around him tighter, "Yeah, broken alright. Didn't know I was talking out loud, maybe I'm bloody drunker then I thought."  
  
"Or not enough."  
  
"That too," Carver nodded, "Why didn't you say anything? Well, fuck, I can damn well talk myself, but still, why haven't you told anyone?"  
  
Alex shrugged, "What would be point. I write everything down, it all in journal as is. But what would be point, who would I say shit too? Everyone got own problem without mine too."  
  
"You could talk to me." Maker Alex could read the Canticles and he'd fucking listen. He didn't care, just as long as he could hear his voice as much as he could. Why did he have to be so damn stupid. Why?  
  
"Carver, I-" Alex chewed on his lip as he looked away from him, pulling back once again, "Thank you. So," he coughed and tried to smile at him but fell flat, "what you gonna call pup?"  
  
Makers breath, he knows that look. He's done it so many damn times in the mirror himself. He knows that look well. Alex, still had feelings for him too, but wont bloody say because he's just as much torn as he is. Carver tried to smile back and shrugged, "Dunno. Didn't think I'd get another, you know. Maybe, cutie?"  
  
"Cutie?" Alex snorted, "What bout Major Pain, or Major Lee. Major lee in trouble? Major Pain in arse?"  
  
Carver bit his lip from laughing, his shoulders shaking at the names, "Your fucking serious. Makers fucking balls your serious! OH FUCK, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW," he laughed hard going on to his back, picking up the half asleep puppy, "Major Pain, who's a cute puppy, you are, yes you are!"  
  
Alex laid on his side with his head in his hand next to Carver, chuckling. Trouble was climbing up Carvers torso to get to her brother, yipping happily. This, would of been perfect, would of been worlds more perfect if all this didn't break Carvers heart into pieces again. Almost felt domestic, almost felt like how he and Faulkner were years previous. No, fuck, don't cry again, not now.  
  
Not right now.

* * *

  
  
Alex spent the rest of the day with Carver, entertaining the puppies, exploring the huge but so damned empty mansion. Carver was cooking dinner, the smell wafted through his nose while he stood in the library looking at rows upon rows of books, but little else. Okay yeah, there were two very comfy looking chairs in-front of the fire and a table, the bookshelves and the books, but nothing else.  
  
Even the bedrooms were sparse.  
  
Carver hadn't really long moved into the Amell estate yes, but yet, the whole place felt empty to Alex. Empty and unloved. There needed to be joy and music and laughter filling this huge place up, but there just was none. In all honesty, it felt more like a morgue rather then a home.  
  
Alex wandered down the stairs to the kitchen, the smell of food making his stomach growl. God, did it smell good when he walks through the open double door, smelt far better then anything else he's eaten here so far.  
  
Carver grinned over his shoulder at Alex when he sat down at the large island in the middle of the kitchen cum dinning room cum the heart of the entire mansion.  
  
"Enjoy the tour that I didn't fucking give."  
  
Alex waved his hand at him, pulling over another bottle of wine to himself, "Yeah yeah. Nice place, just, too big an empty."  
  
"I know," Carver shrugged going back to his cooking that Alex still couldn't see, "Was mothers old home. I wanted everyone to move in with me, you know. Guess it's too much to fucking ask anyone that right now, huh."  
  
"Long as I can live in kitchen, yeah," Alex grinned, "Put bed by stove, kay."  
  
Carver chuckled flipping something in a pan, "No, you get a damn bedroom. Wait-" Carver looked over his shoulder again at him, "Do you mean- I- you want to-"  
  
"You think I want be in pub for ever? Fuck no. I move in here if you want," Alex really did want to get out of the damn pub and into his own place, but this, would do nicely, "still want be in kitchen all time though. Real heart of a home."  
  
The look of gratitude on the other mans face spoke volumes to Alex. Justice was going to be living with Anders in the damned all important fucking clinic as it was, leaving bloody Alex on his own again in his fucking bed. Fenris was still nearby in his dilapidated mansion too, with Serah Mushbutt, Eric the Spiderbait and Mister.Tater. But if Alex moved in here, he would literally be half between the Hanged Man and The White Swallow, ideal location for him. Though a lot closer to the latter then the former, but still, he would be closer.  
  
"Shit Alex, that means a lot to me, you have no idea."  
  
Oh, Alex knew. His own brother was the same when Alex moved back home to be near him again.  
  
"Mean lot to me too, Carver. Fill place up with puppies, kittens, and-" Carver waved a spatula at him, "Ugh, you no fun," Alex snickered.  
  
"I am fun! Sometimes. No, shut it you," Carver snickered as much as he was.  
  
See, this is what things should be like, if Dallin hadn't been so bloody minded in saving every last piece of his welsh Demetae heritage in the dales, they could of had a better life. Pah, why did he fall in love with the eggheaded man in the first place... oh yeah, his philosophy, his passion and strive to save what he could. Thats what brought them togethe, and ultimately drove them apart in the end.  
  
A plate in-front of him shook him from his reminiscing and gawked at the food on it. God, there was rice with fried egg mixed in with it, stir-fried veggies and meat, even bloody noodles. Looked like Asian food when Alex picked up his fork and dug straight into it, humming in appreciation when a bit of everything touched his tongue.  
  
"God this, is," Alex grinned at Carver, "really good! Remind me of home a bit."  
  
Carver blushed dipping his head, "Yeah dad taught me how to cook, then," he sighed putting his fork down, "Faulkner taught me too."  
  
"The man you loved, rite? Gonna marry?"  
  
"If we could of done so, yeah. Fucking frowned upon if two men marry here, even worse if its a mage trying to marry," Carver moved the food around on his plate with a knife, "Fine if two men or women want to live together, you know, but marrying, fucking forget it."  
  
Alex nodded, "Oh I know. Same back home too. Maybe in future it happen, maybe my- maybe Lee would finally be free to-" Alex choked back a little and nodded, "Da didn't care what my brotha was, he just wanted us both happy. He said, 'It shouldn't matter who you are, what any one say bout you, as long as it makes you happy. Its all that matter in end.'"  
  
"Maker, truer words have never been spoken, Alex. If the fucking Chantry could only hear that shit," Carver nodded shoving a forkful of food into his mouth, "What was your dad like? Mine, well, you know he was a hardarse mage who took no shit from anyone. I look exactly like him too."

Alex smirked, "He like to dig round in the dirt for treasure. Arch-archi... UGH! archaeologist. Like to find ancient things and study them. He also liked bugs and us two brats. He would always make us question everything around, like to make us think. Then," Alex wrinkled his nose up, "he was murdered. Stabbed to death in backalley for no reason. I was oversea in differ country at time with Dallin. Nearly cleaved me in two when found out."  
  
"Makers breath, did they find out who did it?"  
  
Alex shook his head sighing, "Still don- don't know till this day why or who. Da work hard for his living, we all did. We never had lot of money, but enough that we could live. But why someone do that? Maybe drugs, maybe random gang, maybe no reason at all."  
  
"What about your mother? What was she like," Carver changed the topic before Alex could sodding well cry, not like this was fucking helping matters but he wanted to know.  
  
"A cleaner. She did that from early age, how she met Da. She clean his own da's house when they were younger, and fell in love. Had me two year later," Alex smiled taking a bite of his food before continuing, "She was humble, sweet, and shorter then us. Always quick with joke or song, or slapping me on hand when I stole raw pasty dough with a laugh."  
  
"Like my mother and father. He, used to be in the Gallows here until he escaped with a Templars help. Ser Maurevar Carver, mine and my brothers name sake. But still, he was locked away in that fucking place for years until he met mother and fell in love. We were born in Ferelden a year later, Bethany was born a few more years after that.  
  
All three of us were mages which pleased mother no fucking end, which drove her to drink, which drove them apart in the end. And when he died, well, the family wasn't a family any more, just four people living together in the fucking void."  
  
Carver lowered his head, "Maker, your family sounded much better then mine. Wish I could of met them, you know."  
  
"Me too. But no can change that now, it all gone, I'm differ, will always be differ now. And, I don't mind it," Alex chuckled.  
  
"New life-"  
  
"-new rules."  
  
They ate the rest of the meal in relative silence, feeding the puppies when they woke up with the left overs, before sitting in the library with more wine. Trouble and Major Pain were sleeping on a pile of cushions Carver laid out for them, while they sat in-front of the fire leaning on each other looking into it.  
  
Neither of them wanted to speak, but they didn't need to sharing the bottle between them, watching the fire lap away eating the logs with its licking tongue. The companionable silence was all they needed when they laid down together holding the others hand tight.  
  
Carver was the one to break it first, looking up at the skylight at the stars with a quiet voice.  
  
"I still love you, Alex. No matter what happens, I always will."  
  
Alex squeezed his hand, "I know. I forgave, Carver. We don't know what future hold yet, do we."  
  
"No, we don't," Carver whispered before kissing his cheek, "I still want you here though."  
  
"And I want be here," Alex smiled back at him.

* * *

  
  
**9:34 Dragon - Cloudreach.**  
  
His own proper room in a fucking huge mansion, and by shit did Alex love it when he looked about. Not much in it right now, except for Trouble putting her small nose into everything when she sniffed about, her brother doing the same thing following her lead. _'Well,'_ Alex chuckled softly watching them, _'know who wears the pants in that sibling relationship.'_  
  
He'd need a bed, a few tables, chairs, bookshelves. A few rugs to line the floors, curt-  
  
The taste of lightening went across his tongue and sighed as Justice bounded in his room, grinning like a damn fool with his arms open.  
  
"The clinic is finally done, love. The Viscount and Senechal approved of the official Lowtown Darktown free clinic, as long as Anders has some paying customers to make it all legal."  
  
"Bout fucking time," Alex grumbled sitting down at the window seat, folding his arms over his chest in annoyance, "Took long enough."  
  
Justice huffed then lent against the wall next to him, "Sorry, but it was important we finish lest the void taken Templars started to sniff around again."  
  
"Yeah I know. Just-" Alex sighed looking out the window, "never mind. So," he looks up at Justice looking at him with a frown, "you go be living there or here?"  
  
"I will be remaining there with Anders for protection. You'll be fine here with Trouble and," Justice smirked, "Major Pain."  
  
Alex looked down at his hands, "I see. That- that good."  
  
Justice knelt down in-front of him cupping his chin with one hand to face him, "I need to keep Anders safe, love. He will be on his own there if I move here with you, and I will not allow anything to happen to him as much as you. Carver will be here with you and Fenris is nearby also. I am- I'm not leaving you, but I need to protect my friend too."  
  
"I know, I know. I just-" no Alex had hoped he would be here with him too, but fuck, guess he hoped for too much. Right.  
  
"I still love you. But I have to be there with him also, now more then ever," Justice said holding his chin tighter in his grasp, "Now come to the clinic and you will see."  
  
Alex nodded when the hand was taken away. Why, does this feel like a manipulation? Justice tugged on his hand smiling again, and acquiesced in being taken out his room, Trouble and Major trailing behind him with their little tongues hanging out.  
  
But Alex didn't feel like smiling being dragged out of the mansion with the puppies following him, shutting the door with his own key. He wanted bloody Justice there with him, but no, he was going to go back with Anders, be the bodyguard for him again... apparently. Maybe he's reading to much into all this, he still loved Justice, Justice still loved him. Right?  
  
All that matters, right?


	19. Fade to Black.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally goes into the fade, not without consequence though.

**9:34 Dragon -  Bloomingtide.**  
  
Alex picked up the letter, rereading for the third time before putting it back down again, and sat back in the chair running a hand through his hair. His mind was going nineteen to the dozen thinking about it as Carver sat there waiting patiently for him to respond.  
  
Carver huffed out a sigh as he sat back in his chair when Alex shrugged, "Fine, let do this," he muttered out then shook his head, "Carver, I'm-"  
  
"Scared," Alex just nodded at him, "I know. First time there is going to be fucking freaky as shit, Alex. I'll be there with you, so will Varric and Fenris."  
  
Yeah, why did this make feel real uneasy about going INTO this fade place. It's not like he hasn't heard shit about it as it was, but to actually go in there himself. He felt like shitting a tonne of fucking bricks at it. Where fucking demons like to prey on people, where spirits actually come from, and they were going to be going in IT?  
  
Alex shot up out of the library chair and ran up to his room. His mind was spinning, throbbing, aching when he lent his head on the bedpost. Why the fuck wasn't Justice coming too? Why the fuck did Isabela have to vanish into thin air? God, did his head hurt again when he slipped to the floor trying to calm his breathing down. He hasn't been this scared since-  
  
"Alex, it'll be fine, alright," Carver murmured behind him, wrapping his arms around Alex's shoulders, "I'll be there. Your strong, you resisted the temptation from the Desire even when your weren't ready."  
  
"I know. Fuck, I just- what if something go wrong?"  
  
Carver nodded resting his head on Alex's neck holding him tighter, "Always that chance something might. But we NEED to save this damn boy, if we don't then Maker fucking knows what will happen to him."  
  
"Not making this better," Alex chuckled out mirthlessly, "Why isn't Justin coming?"  
  
Carver sighed letting Alex go and lent his back on the bed, "Busy... again."  
  
"So we bring Snowy and Snoopy. You sure we're not gonna die, Carver?"  
  
Alex landed on his arse when Carver pushed him onto it smirking, "We fucking well might die. Don't blame me if we do!"

* * *

  
  
Alex lent on the wall near the vhenadahl, and looked over the huge tree. It was still beautiful with all the candle's around the base, the bright and colourful paint around the trunk, the leaves that never turned brown catching the sun. He smiled a very small smile at the tree and nodded his head slightly at it, before looking over to Merrill's home.  
  
Right now, she was baking her heart out all because Isabela vanished, because she wanted to make pretty things for everyone. He wished she was coming too, but she said no, just incase something bad happened to her being bound to a demon as she was. Alex didn't blame her, but still, would of been nice if she came as well.  
  
_Think happy thoughts. Think very happy thoughts. Think of Trouble getting her brother into trouble in the kitchen. Think happy shiny thoughts._  
  
Nope this wasn't working when Alex started to pace around the Alienage. Everyone else was waiting outside this boys mothers home, waiting for the Keeper from Merrill's clan to come help them. Fucking hell, Alex was beginning to freak out, running his hand through his hair again, his long leather coat swishing as much as his mind was. He couldn't keep still, pacing behind the vhenadahl, his fingers twitching at his sides then in his hair the more he paced.  
  
He didn't want to be here when the entire Alienage went quiet around him. He wanted to go home. He wanted to pet his damn puppy. He wanted to curl up in a ball, when an old elven walked slowly down the steep steps looking over the tree in-front of her. He wanted to run, to hide, to bury his face in his pillow. He didn't want to be here.  
  
Alex's heart pounded hard in his chest when he slides down the bark of the tree, facing away from everyone. His heart, his head, everything throbbed and pounded inside him. His throat felt dry and raw, as if he's been screaming at the top of his lungs for hours. His eyes felt itchy as if he's been crying, and clamped them shut when his breathing started to become erratic.  
  
He didn't want to do this fucking ritual any more, he didn't want to go into the fade. He didn't want to be here.  
  
Something warm and soft touched his forehead, making his eyes fly open at it flinching at the contact. A pair of soft worried hazel eyes looked into his, her pure white hair framing her old face, softened when she smiled slightly.  
  
"Da'len," she murmurs sending a cool wave through him, then frowned removing her hand, "You, are very troubled."  
  
Alex swallowed loudly when she knelt down taking his hand in hers. She titled her head to one side and smiled again at him, "You have a good heart, da'len. But you are so very troubled, conflicted, hurt and lost. But come, your friends are waiting and Feynriel needs our help, da'len. We can talk more afterwards."  
  
Alex swallowed again when she helped him stand, her hand holding his tightly between hers. They slowly walked from behind the tree, and all he could see were the worried faces of his friends, tasting the lightening on his tongue of Justice standing there with them, a pack on the ground by his feet. The older woman put up her hand to Justice when he started to come over, gripping his hand even tighter skirting around him to Carver.  
  
Why was Justice here when Carver said he was busy? Why did this all make him feel uneasy... again?  
  
"We have little time, Hawke. I will need you all to remain close when I begin," she put Alex's hand in Carvers clasping them together, making Alex frown looking away at their clasped hands, Justice letting out a quiet pained sound at it. "I will need you all to remain calm, steady and quiet. Then, when Feynriel is either saved, or," the woman sighed out heavily, "or tranquil, I will be taking your friend back to the clan with me."  
  
Alex wanted to protest, but didn't when Carver gripped his hand just as tight as she did. But he could hear Justice protesting over the sound of blood rushing through his ears, the older elven woman telling him to back down and be quiet.  
  
They all walked into Feynriel's mothers home, Carver still gripping his hand tight. The taste of lightening raced across his tongue and skin again, feeling Justice stand close behind them both in the middle of this poor womans home. Varric and Fenris were sitting down on a bench looking at him, Alex turned his head away from them, not wanting to look at the pained expressions in their faces.  
  
They all knew he was suffering, but he just didn't want anyone to fucking well know it. He didn't want to worry everyone with his petty issues. But fuck, he gripped Carver's hand even tighter before letting go, removing his long leather coat to lay on the floor when she motioned for them all to sit.  
  
"Alex love," Justice whispers next to him trying to take his hand, only to have it slapped away by the older woman, "What is the meaning of all this, Marethari?" he spat at her.  
  
She ignored him taking several things from the pack, laying them on the floor. She then took out what looked like chalk and started to lay lines and runes on the wooden planks, as everyone watched her in silence. But Alex's mind swam and rang like a bell again, watching her. His hands fisted in his lap, digging his nails into his palm hard as Justice seethed next to him in indignation, making the hairs on his arms raise slightly.  
  
Carver tapped his shoulder as everyone laid down, Marethari etching more runes and lines around them, putting things on-top of everyones foreheads.  
  
Something ran over his skin, but it wasn't evil, it was soothing, lulling him into sleep. Feeling his mind, body and soul drift off, but yet remained laying on the floor. Alex's eyes grew heavier and heavier, his soul felt like it was being tugged towards something and follows the feeling rippling through him.

* * *

  
  
Something slithered by Alex's body as he laid there and shook it off, his fingers twitched into the soft ground. Soft ground? No, he was-  
  
Alex shot his eyes open tugging on grass between his fingers, and looked up at the pale green sky above him swirling and shaping into clouds, then stars and moons before settling into a clear sky again. He slowly moved his eyes to the right, a huge statue towered over everything with her arms outstretched into the swirling green, before it shaped into a huge tall tree.  
  
Holy fucking shit! Things were shaping and forming around him when he bolted upright, looking about himself. He's never seen anything like it before as floating rocks turned into clouds and birds, as statues turned into trees and buildings. He could hear people talking over the top of each other, but no-one was anywhere him as he rose from the ground in awe.  
  
Was this the fade? Is this what it fucking looked like? He's never seen anything like it when he turned three-sixty, his eyes going over every single thing shaping and forming into things he recognised. Well, sort of, he has no idea where he is as more buildings sprang up around him, even a windmill grew out of a hillock in-front of him, then changed into something else.  
  
"Wow," Alex muttered slowly making his way through a winding street, the cobblestones forming under his feet the more he walked.  
  
A soft warm chuckle went in his ear, he whirled around to find were it was coming from. No-one was near him when he looked back down the winding cobblestones, none of his friends, his... love? No-one but himself. Alex shook his head, clearing thoughts away looking about himself again.  
  
"Carver?" he shouted out, but his voice just echoed around him, "Snoopy, Snowy, Justin, where are you?"  
  
Nothing answered back. He was alone standing there in a market he's never seen before, but yet, there were sounds and people talking all round him and no-where. He could smell fresh meat and fish, smell fruit and leather. He could hear metal being struck, wooden wheels going over the cobbles, but there was nothing about him anywhere other then buildings and winding streets.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Your in the fade, sweet boy," the same voice as the warm chuckle said to him, making Alex once again do a three-sixty looking for it.  
  
"I fucking know that," Alex spat, "Who the fuck are you?" Alex then realised he was speaking normally here, letting his eyebrows fly up to his hairline, "How's that even possible?"  
  
The voice just snorted, "The fade, sweet boy, can do marvelous things, and your just stumbling around like a poor lost nug."  
  
Alex wrinkled his brow and looked up, then just stared, slightly slack jawed at the pale purple skinned person, swinging their legs over the side of some gazebo in the middle of the market.  
  
"You didn't answer my question," Alex narrowed his eyes at this man with horns, flaming purple Mohawk hair that flowed over his shoulders and half his face, grinning at him with deep purple irised eyes, "And what are you?"  
  
"Call me Caress, sweet boy. As to what I am," Caress jumped down from the gazebo and grinned even more, "well, some call me a demon, others would call me a gift. Me on the other hand," Caress chuckled sauntering over to Alex, "I prefer being called, a choice."  
  
Alex backed off when he came closer. Fucking hell was he tall, and... there was a tail behind him with gold rings adorning it half way up. Gold rings went through his pointed ears too, through his nose and lips. Caress wore leather bands from wrist to bicep, from thigh to ankle. Leather and cloth wrapped around his hips, barely, dipping low enough to almost show the top of his damn cock off. Gold rings went over some of his fingers and toes too when Alex looked him up and down, before rolling his eyes at the devilishly handsome well defined man still grinned at him.  
  
"Why am I not surprised," Alex huffed out shaking his head, "Your not getting a fucking thing from me, you know. So just fuck off."  
  
"Who said I want anything from you?" Caress looked shocked, putting a hand over his bare chest that deep purple tattoos ran up and down over, "I was just watching, thats all."  
  
Alex shook his head turning on his heel and walked another way through the empty but vibrant market. He needed to find the others, and find this boy being plagued by-  
  
He narrowed his eyes looking over his shoulder at Caress, who was cocking his head at him with an impartial face, "You want him, don't you," Alex wrinkled his nose up and sneered, "Your one of the ones trying to get at him."  
  
"Not really," Caress shrugged, "he's just a child, I have no interest in a child. Strong as he is shaping the fade," the demon waved his hands about then pointed at Alex, "Who'd you think created all this? Wouldn't be my first choice though."  
  
"Your not having him and your not having me," Alex ground out fisting his hands by his sides, "I don't need you or anyone else trying to fucking well get at me while I'm here. So why don't you just fuck right off."  
  
Caress frowned cocking his head again, "What makes you think I want any of that? Who told you any of that drivel?" Caress shook his head, "Everyone has a choice in what they do, if they want me, then so be it. If they don't, I wont do anything to them. I don't want a mage child at all, but I do know others who will. Torpor and, ugh," Caress rolled his purple eyes at him, "Wryme."  
  
"So your what," Alex wrinkled his upper lip more, "offering your help? Fuck you," Alex stormed over putting his finger in Caress's chest hard, "Last time I dealt with one of your kind she tried to fucking take over me, to put shit in all of us! So here's my choice, I don't need your help."  
  
"As is your right to have. But your not going to get very far if you don't know where your going, sweet boy," Caress knocked Alex's hand out the way and started to walk off, "So I," he looked over his shoulder, "am doing this of my own free choice and will. I can do that you know."  
  
Alex rolled his eyes shaking his head again, "I'm going to regret this, I just know it," he muttered walking after Caress, watching the mans tail swish side to side before it ran over his thighs seductively. _Ugh, Alex, clear your mind and stop thinking dirty shit right now. Fucks sake._  
  
He wished to everything he had his damn long leather coat walking through the winding streets, wished he had his daggers on his hips. Wished he had his fucking Walkman with him, so he didn't need to think about the being walking ahead of him, watching his muscles bunch in his tattooed back and thighs, thinking about how tall he was-  
  
_GOD FUCKING DAMMIT ALEX, enough! What's wrong with you?_  
  
"Quit trying to tempt me, Caress," Alex ground out fisting his hands again, "I know what your trying to do and it's not working."  
  
"I'm not doing a thing to you," Caress balked out when he stopped, "Maybe it's your own mind wanting things, not me. I give people choices, which I'm not doing right now to you!"  
  
"Right, sure," Alex snarked, "So you just HAPPEN to look like that, huh?"  
  
Caress frowned looking down at himself that back at him, then shrugged, "Yes? Does it bother you?"  
  
"YES IT DOES!" Alex shouted making the man take several steps back, "You know what, you go that way," he pointed, "And I'll go that way, kay. I can do this by myself."  
  
He just stormed off not even giving the being a chance to even reply. He just didn't want to know right now as he looked through windows of homes and shops, peaking through the glass incase one of them were in there. Alex knows their not, but still, it helped clear his mind. Some what. He slumped his shoulders when he got to a main street looking up and down it, expecting to see something, anything, but there was nothing.  
  
Where the fuck was everyone? He felt like he's been looking for hours when he sets off again, looking about himself at the stones, the carvings, everything. Alex wondered where in Thedas he was, maybe back in Ferelden where Carver and his family came from? Maybe else where in the Free Marches? Alex had no idea the more he walked, thinking, and thin-  
  
_Wait a minute, if Caress is a- and I didn't-_  
  
Alex stood there with the bloody realisation that Caress didn't make his skin crawl, didn't send the hairs on his arms on end like Justice has done a few times when he-  
  
_Oh... fuck. Oh, fucking fuck!_  
  
Alex turned on his heels and headed back the way he came, hoping to everything that Caress wasn't too far away. He needed to talk to the being, needed to find out for sure. Alex may feel like he's loosing his damn mind at the moment, but he needed to be sure. He HAD to make sure.  
  
He turned down the same street he felt like he walked down hours before, and saw Caress sitting down on a bench with his head bowed down. Nope, not a thing went over his skin, not a thing was making the hairs everywhere stand on end. Alex sucked in a deep breath and slowly made his way over to him, keeping his hands fisted by his sides just incase.  
  
Caress cocked his head slightly, then looked over his shoulder. His purple eyes went a little wide as Alex came closer, "You, returned? Why?"  
  
"What are you," Alex said quietly, "I know what you said, but, what are you really?"  
  
"I already tol-"  
  
Alex put up his hand, "Yes I know Caress, a demon to some, a gift to others, but your a choice. A choice of what?"  
  
Caress looked forward again, his purple flaming hair trailing down his back, "I am a Desire of Choice. I'm Caress by name, but not by nature. Caress is what the others refer to me as, but not what I want to go by. I am Choice, a Desire, a... 'Thing'."  
  
"Huh. So let me guess, you choose others to see you that way, or do you desire to look as you do? Are you a reflection of what you see or what everyone else wants to see you as?" Alex asked him.  
  
"I," Caress looked over his shoulder again, "I, do desire to look the way I do, as you mortals see me as well as. How do you know all this? Your not even from their realms, are you?"  
  
Alex shook his head, slowly moving to stand in-front of the man looking up at him from his seated position, Caress' arms hung between his legs looked dejected, "And how'd you know that? I asked someone I thought I knew, but I obviously don't. That all beings from the fade are reflections, distorted, but yet reflections of what they are. I got it, I get it, but you don't scare the shit out of me like most do. I don't," Alex waved a hand down his arm, "feel you like I did with that other desire, with the damn thing in the Chantry, with other fucking demons. Nor Justin sometimes," he said the last part quietly.  
  
"Why do you mortals think we're all terrible beings? Yes fine, most of my kind like to gorge themselves, twist themselves into disgusting things," Caress shuddered then sighed, "They think they know what they are but they truly don't at times. We are, what mortals perceive us to be. But I clearly see that you don't, you see something else when you look at me. That Desire you fought, was once Love, twisted by that mages delusions. A waste if you ask me."  
  
Alex sat down next to Caress, narrowing his eyes slightly, "So your telling me, other then the ones who gorge, theres no difference between any of- No Justin said the same thing. It's how we see you. Fucking hell, comes back to mirrors all over again. Comes back to me." Alex looks down at himself then back up at the being, "I, always wondered what it would of been like to be a man, you know. I'm a reflection of what I could of been, how I wanted my life to change, and then I died and became what I am now. Fuck me."  
  
"Seems you know more then you think, sweet boy. An, interesting way of seeing it though, but I can get behind that," Caress smiled.  
  
"Uh huh," Alex shook his head, "Get behind. Sure," Alex smirked, "So you gonna help me or what. I can't find shit here."  
  
Caress narrowed his own eyes at Alex, "You, want me to help you?"  
  
"I did ask, didn't I?"  
  
Caress grinned again and took Alex's hand, dragging him off the bench in a different direction. A lot of things ran through Alex's mind again, but at least he wasn't having a panic attack like he did before coming in here. But he still didn't feel right in his mind. Maybe he never will be with what's been happening to him since being here. Maybe he should go with Marethari when this is over and done with, take some time away.  
  
Though, he didn't want to leave Carver on his own in that mansion of his, with just Major for company.  
  
"Your thinking too much, sweet boy. Not good for the soul," Caress chuckled squeezing his hand before letting it go.  
  
"Got a LOT to think about," Alex puffed his cheeks then lets out the air slowly, rubbing his stomach, "A little too much if you ask me."  
  
"Mmn Hmm. You do realise when we find your, friends, their not going to like me very much, right?"  
  
He, wasn't wrong there when they walked past the outskirts of this fade city, a small stream with a bridge going over the top looked like it circled the place.  
  
"Cross that bridge when we get there," Alex muttered.  
  
"How about we just cross this one first, THEN cross that one," Caress snickered nudging his arm.  
  
Both of them froze as several roars echoed out around them, sending shivers up Alex's spine. His hairs stood on end when he looked down, his entire body goosefleshing the more the roars went on. His skin felt like it was being flayed, Alex wanted to vomit at the feeling.  
  
"That, sounds like Wryme. But," Caress tilted his head to oneside, his now flaming hair looked normal to Alex, half black and purple when it tumbled over his shoulder, "theres something else there with them. Not Torpor, something else roaring it's lungs out."  
  
Caress looked down at him and quirked an eyebrow at Alex, "What in the void did you mortals bring with you?"  
  
"Justice, he was a spirit from here, but-"  
  
"THAT, is no spirit, sweet boy. THAT'S a confused being," Caress bent down to Alex's face, "THAT's a confused Vengeance roaring up ahead and you brought it back here? Void take it all."  
  
Caress took his hand once more pulling Alex along as he ran up ahead, gripping it tight, his tail swished about madly behind him in aggravation the closer they got. Alex could feel the lightening taste along his tongue, making him sigh out internally at it. The sound of fighting came closer the more they ran, the roaring and then feeling of being flayed made his stomach roll even more and rubbed it with his free hand.  
  
Alex nearly tripped over his feet at the sight in-front of him. Both Fenris and Carver were battling a huge fucking hulking thing he's never seen before, it's many black eyes and horns protruding from it's twisted thing of a head. But Alex couldn't see Justice anywhere round them, he could taste him but not see him. Varric appeared next to him and aimed Bianca right at Caress, clicking her barrel trying to tug Alex away from the tall being.  
  
"Menace, what the fuck are you doing?" he sing-songed out clicking her barrel again.  
  
"Snoopy enough. He's here to help," Alex rolled his eyes, putting his hand on the end of Bianca's barrel, "And besides, shouldn't you be aiming the damn crossbow at THAT!"  
  
Varric's eyes go wide lowering his crossbow, "Maferaths balls, your, your speaking- Damn kid, am I glad to see you. Grim ran off just before you two showed up, dunno where he went, don't care either."  
  
"I have no bloody weapons. How'd you get Bianca in here anyway?"  
  
Caress just snorted tapping his shoulder, "They all have weapons if you haven't noticed, sweet boy. Maybe you should try harder at thinking up some of your own to help them, yes?"  
  
Alex frowned up at the man and nodded, thinking about having his daggers, his pouches and long coat. He felt the heavy weight on his shoulders, the dip on his waist and thighs and grinned, reaching down for the twin set pulling them free, twirling them about in his hands, "That's so fucking cool you have no idea! Snoopy, cover me, mate."  
  
He ran off when Varric nodded and slipped back in the shadows, Caress running beside him with a two-handed sword now firmly held in his grasp as he charged past Alex to the hulking thing. Alex pulled one of his pouch pockets open, taking out a smoke grenade, dropped it to the ground before he slipped into the shadows himself. Both Carver and Fenris shouted at Caress for being there with them, but the being just shrugged taking a swing at the hulking thing, carving right into it's flank.  
  
Alex rolled out the way when it swung out wildly and gauged where to strike first.  
  
_Wrist, slice tendon, then ankle. Twist dagger into calf roll-_  
  
He put his head down when the thing swung out again, slicing deep into it's wrist. He rolled out the way again going behind it, the things right hand flopped about like a dying fish, and shoved his dagger in deep at what he hoped was the Achilles tendon and sliced upward into its calf, then twisted the daggers back out. He rolled out the way again when it fell onto it's knees, and came from the shadows jumping onto the things back. Alex dug his blades in hilt deep while he climbed up the writhing things back.  
  
Carver flung cold after cold at it's face, Fenris sliced up it's stomach, contents spilled out onto the ground, Caress brought his great-sword sword down on the other hand when he reached for Fenris, severing it from it's arm.  
  
Bolt's peppered through the hulking beast, while Alex dug his blades in deep in the creatures back, and grinned when it bucked forward onto the ground. He rolled off it's back, kicking his long coat behind him with his foot, then smirked at them all as the hulking thing made a death gurgle behind him twirling the daggers before re-sheathing them.  
  
"Makers fucking breath, we wondered where the fuck you got to," Carver grinned back at him then jutted his chin out, "And who's that?"  
  
"My name is Caress, mage," the tall horned man bowed, "Me and your friend here had a very nice talk. Then we went looking for you."  
  
Alex smirked, "He's fine, Carver. And Snowy, you can stop growling at him, he's not going to do shit to us, alright. And beside," Alex smirked even more, "I wanna be able to talk to him again, can't do that if you slice him in half now, can I."  
  
"Fasta Vass, Alex, that's a de-"  
  
"NO HE'S NOT!" Alex shouted, "Carver, confirm it for me. Do you feel anything nasty at all?"  
  
Carver shook his head looking Caress over, "Not a thing, not like fucking Justice before he roared and ran off."  
  
"That's because, dear mage," Caress sighed, "he's a confused being. He has no idea what he's doing. Where's the child mage? Shouldn't you be helping the child, not standing here gawping at me."  
  
"Alex, your speaking normally," Carver ignored Caress to grip his shoulders, looking over his face as he smiled, "I'm fucking glad your alright. We thought Justice went charging off to find you, cept he went the other way. Feynriel's hiding behind a tree over there as it is. Poor kid."  
  
Alex nudged his hands out the way, "Then go deal with the bloody kid for fucks sake, Carver. We can talk later. Anyway, we gotta wake up right, then we can find out whats wrong with Justin."  
  
Carver smirked as he walked backwards, dragging both Varric and Fenris with him. God, if Alex didn't dip his head smirking back at him more, feeling his cheeks heat a little at it. Ugh, now he was feeling horny as fuck. Didn't help that Caress was chuckling next to him wearing next to nothing. _God fucking dammit Alex, pull yourself together and snap out of it._  
  
"Thank you," Caress murmured, "Nicest thing any mortals ever done for me. Glad your not like them, sweet boy. Nice to know there are some out there who see us for what we are. But I digress," Alex looked up at the taller man and tilted his head when he looked down at him, "There is something wrong with that Justice/Vengeance. He's very confused being back here. Don't think it was a good idea to bring one as powerful as him back. Don't think he's going to be the same when you leave though, I'm afraid."  
  
"What do you mean by that?" Alex asked him.  
  
Caress frowned looking forward again, "He obviously spent quite a long time in the mortal realm, gathering his own feelings I suppose. And now coming back here, to be in his own world again? Wouldn't you feel confused going back to what you know, not realising what you were doing in the mean time?"  
  
Well... shit. Thats all fucking Alex needed. He fell in love with the man, now he might not be the same coming out of his own world? He felt his stomach plummet into the depths of his boots. What the fuck was he going to do now? He loved- No, he'll find out when they wake up. Then work from there.  
  
"Do you think I'll be able to speak to you again, Caress? Or will you just go about your merry way?"  
  
"I actually don't know. Your not exactly like them," Caress looked sullen again, "Perhaps. But it'll be your choice if you choose to seek me out again if you ever come back here. Me," Caress smiled at him, "I would like to see you again. But don't think of me as a pet nor a puppet you can summon on a whim, I wont abide to that at all. And I don't do sexual favours either!"  
  
Alex just snorted, "Hardly. Don't like the whole, 'I'm gonna enslave this fucker cos I can,' bullshit. Ugh," Alex sighed through his nose rolling his shoulders, "Wonder if I'm gonna go back to sounding like I've been eating wasps again. Fuck, I hope not," he whined.  
  
"Eating wasps," Caress snickered, "Poor sweet boy, have to find out when the mage child kicks you out. Which unfortunately," the place shimmered around them, clouds turning into floating rocks once more, "is about now. Was a pleasure, Alex."  
  
Caress dipped his head and smiled as Alex felt his soul float away again, and followed it back when it called him.

* * *

  
  
Justice, was gone when they woke up. No, more then gone, his entire being wasn't there, just empty clothing and Alex's wolf tooth pendant he made for the man. His sword and shield still lent on the bench next to Fenris' sword, but Justice was no longer there.  
  
Alex's heart wanted to break, but he had no idea what he was dealing with in the first place. He thought he knew the mortal spirit, but obviously he didn't at all. Justice even told him, his emotions sometimes were too much, or he didn't understand somethings. But they slept together, they shared a bed, he watched Justice cry, smile, laugh, everything. And now he's gone, leaving a huge fucking hole in Alex's chest.  
  
He sat on his bed holding the wolf tooth pendant in his hand as tears rolled down his face. He was gone, he came into existence in the Black Emporium before Alex came here, and now he's gone, left them all while they were all busy.  
  
Trouble nosed his hand that rested on his thigh while he stared at the ground, boofing quietly up at him.  
  
"I guess I don't know shit here at all, little one," he whispered to her, running his hand over her head, "I guess that's it, huh. No more Justin, no more-"  
  
Alex sucked in a deep breath picking his puppy up, cuddling her close to his chest burying his face into her soft fur. Maybe he should go to the Dalish like Marethari wanted him too. Maybe he should, just for a month of two at least to ease his raging mind.  
  
The wolf tooth dropped to the floor when he rose from his bed, picked up his pack and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metallica - Fade to Black - https://youtu.be/WEQnzs8wl6E


	20. Devil's Dance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex reunites with Carver on Sundermount, in a glorious way. Finally goes back to Kirkwall to be with everyone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut times two in this chapter.
> 
> Metallica - Devil's Dance - https://youtu.be/BUxJNJA4dDI

**9:34 Dragon - August.**  
  
"How is he?"  
  
Marethari raised her eyebrow at him then smiled, "Why not ask him yourself, Champion," she started to chuckle at him, "It's what we've all heard Hawke. He's up the ridge where you found Merrill."  
  
Carver wrinkled his nose up and nodded at her, then set off to find Alex. A little over three fucking months he's been with the Dalish, yeah alright they've sent messages back and forth a few times, but shit, did Carver miss him something rotten. They all did. He missed Alex more, laying in bed at night in the empty, but him and Major, mansion.  
  
When Marethari pulled him to one side and told him what she found, he ended up tuning out what she was saying, he already knew. He didn't really need to hear what he already suspected Justice of doing: keeping Alex under his influence.  
  
Carver thumbed the torque around his neck again smirking slightly, feeling the small hum when he brushed the red stones. Magic briefly danced over his fingers before dropping his hand, wiping the look from his face.  
  
He cocked his head at the giggling coming from up ahead, giggling, boofing, and Alex's bark of a laugh. He smiled wide when Trouble came bounding down the slope, Major running up to meet her half way, both of them jumping on the other to play. They missed each other as much as he missed Alex.  
  
"CARVER!" Alex shouted when he ran down the slope and practically threw himself on top of him, Carver spun them around in a circle grinning even wider.  
  
"I missed you too," he chuckled when he lets the other man go, then looks over his face, looking at the- "Is that, Vallaslin?"  
  
"Kinda, not true Vallaslin, but close enough," Alex smirked at him, "Marethari thought it'll help, you know. It's Dirthamen," Alex tapped his chin and traced down his throat, which, Maker take Carver, was sexy as fuck when he saw that the tattoo went under Alex's shirt, "and Falon'Din. Done just for me of course."  
  
"Well, I like it," Carver grinned bringing Alex back in for a hug, "Shit, theres so fucking much I gotta tell you. A LOTS been going on these past few months, mate, a little," Carver pulled back shaking his head, "too much to be honest."  
  
Alex took his hand and guided him up the slope, where more giggling came from. Carver frowned at the giggling when it came closer, a womans giggle? Was Alex-  
  
"She wont stay put," the womans voice laughed out when they rounded they corner, "Elgar'nan, stay put you little thief!"  
  
"Maybe Maren," Alex snorted when he lets go of his hand, "you shouldn't be laughing at the poor bugger."  
  
Carver's mouth dropped at the Dalish woman holding a tiny Halla in her arms, the thing wiggled and wiggled trying to get free. He's, never seen a Halla before, only what Merrill told him and what he got from books. Trouble and Major barreled past him, and boofed at the small thing in her arms, the Halla chirped happily when they both started licking it.  
  
"BAH, now there's two of them. Da'len, really?" this Maren laughed putting the baby Halla down, "Well, I at least we found out what was stealing our supplies. Wonder where her mother is?"  
  
"Does it matter?" Alex knelt down to the tiny thing, "You have a Halla calf now, a good sign, right?"  
  
Maren grinned nodding her head at Alex, and Carver felt a little jealousy go through him when she grabbed his face and kissed him hard. It wasn't his place to tell Alex who to be with or not. But the other man seems happy, he was actually smiling, like a proper smile, all teeth and mouth. And did that make Carver's heart clench when Alex kissed Maren back on her cheek.  
  
"I should take her to the clan. Creators know there's going to be a celebration with this blessing. Da'len," Maren ruffled Alex's hair making him grumble, "stay safe up here."  
  
"Yes Hahren," Alex sighed out at her then chuckled when she glared back at him, guiding the Halla calf down the slope. Trouble and Major following them both down, leaving just Alex and himself... alone.  
  
Carver chewed on his bottom lip watching them go down the slope, then slowly looked back at Alex, who was looking up at him from the ground. He patted the grass next to him and smiled, "Sit you daft shit. Tell me EVERYTHING! And what the fuck is that your wearing?"  
  
"Champion armour," Carver sighed out dropping his pack on the ground before sitting heavily on it next to Alex, "Meredith and the fucking nobles gift to me for saving the city from the Qunari. Yay for fucking me."  
  
Alex's eyes go huge looking at him, "Your joking, thats what happened? Fucking hell, why didn't anyone come get me? I would of helped you know."  
  
"Yeah, so heres the thing," Carver ran a hand down his face and gauged how to say the next thing, then shrugged dropping his hand in his lap and faced Alex, "The reason the damn Qunari where here in the first place, was thanks to fucking Isabela. She, stole some tome from the Orlesian's who were, at the time, trying to return it to the Qunari. And she stole it, thats why they were here. And then she doesn't tell anyone about it for years," Carver shook his head, "There was some incident with some elven fanatic, a whole load of people died thanks to some gas this crazed fucking bitch let loose in Lowtown. Then, some Chantry zealots kidnapped Qunari, then killed them. So we killed them back.  
  
Sister Petrice was involved once fucking more, pulling the Grand fucking Cleric in to the whole mess, then blamed me for it. The Arishok went nuts, pointing his fingers at me, then the Sister, then Isabela. Then the whole city exploded with Qunari, some of the poor elven bastards down in the Alienage joined them, Donnic lost a lot more men nearly getting himself killed. And Isabela ran off with the fucking book."  
  
Alex sat there gob-smacked, shaking his head. He then looked down at the ground, pulling up blades of grass in frustration, "Where is she now? What happened to Asden, little Lia, what the actual fuck, Carver!"  
  
"She's gone, left before we even knew what was happening. Some of Varric's network told us she left. Merrill's devastated at the whole thing with what happened down in the Alienage. Asden and the kids are fine. A lot of the ones we know are still there, safe and sound."  
  
Alex stood up sharply dropping the blades on the ground, walking towards a ruined pillar before he lent his arm on it, "I fucking trusted her. Merrill, trusted her. Fucking hell, she said loved her, and then she does this? Now I see why she didn't take the armband," Alex rested him head on his arm, "Why she fled the damn pub in a hurry. Why we didn't see her for months. Shit."  
  
"I know, none of us saw it coming. None of us. There's a lot of people dead in the city thanks to what they did," Carver got off the ground, slowly making his way over to Alex, "But hey, at least I got to fight the Arishok one on one. The Qunari's left Kirkwall now, but still don't make shit right."  
  
"How's everyone else," Alex looked over his shoulder, "Has anyone else gone, or died, or what the fuck ever else? I haven't heard from any of you in the past month, then," Alex looked down the side of the mountain and sighed, "this?"  
  
"Their all fine. Varric and the guild went nuts with what Isabela and the Qunari did. Anders locked himself away in his clinic, shutting everyone out. Both Fenris and Merrill's been helping the elves down in the Alienage. Donnic's fine, just pissed it all happened on his watch. The Viscount and his sons dead too, which," Carver wrapped his arms around Alex from behind, resting his head on the other mans, "left a vacuum of power. The nobles are scrabbling trying to find a replacement already. And to top it all off, which I'm actually really happy about, my mothers gone back to Ferelden apparently. Like I give a fuck."  
  
Alex sighed again putting his hands over Carver's and squeezed them, "I'm glad your alright though, Carver," he said quietly interlacing his fingers with his bare hand, "Or should I say, Champion."  
  
"Please don't," Carver whined, "Bad enough Meredith gave me the fucking title. Sooo," Carver closed his eyes breathing in deeply, filling his nose with the smell of the mountain and Alex, "You and Maren?"  
  
"WHAT? Fuck no," Alex laughed, "I'm not even remotely interested in women, let alone her and you fucking know it. And before you bloody ask, no, theres no-one any more. Not after fucking- ugh, never mind."  
  
Carver let a small smile grace his lips at the back of Alex's head, "Does that mean," he smiled even more moving them away from the broken pillar, "I get you all to myself?"  
  
"Are you flirting with me again?" Alex chuckled softly, "Gonna have to do better then that, Flirtybird."  
  
"You know why we didn't get you, Alex," Carver murmured in his ear before tugging on it, earning a small groan from the man, "You needed to heal. But fuck, if I didn't miss you being in that mansion all by myself," he tugged harder on Alex's ear again, then licked over the shell moving them both towards a tree, "Wanking off thinking about you, wanting you badly again."  
  
Carver slowly releases his hold on Alex, turning him around by his shoulders to face him, pushing him backwards now to the tree trunk. Alex dipped his head slightly at him, smirking, taking Carvers waist in his hands.  
  
"Uh huh," Alex mutters then grunts when his back hits the trunk, digging his fingers harder into Carvers sides, "Are you going to show me, or are you just going to stand there talking about it?"  
  
"I'll show you," Carver licked his lip, looking into Alex's fade green eyes then took his face between his hands, kissing him hard.  
  
Their tongues fought for dominance while he slides his hands down Alex's face and neck, both of them pushing hard against each other. Sweet fuck, has he missed kissing the other man, feeling him under his hands again, slipping the soft black shirt over Alex's shoulders. His gauntleted hand gently scrapes over the bare skin exposed there, making him moan in the kiss, making Alex buck against him.  
  
He could feel Alex's hands undo the buckles on the belted pouch around his waist, then heard the soft thud on the floor, he then felt the laces at the front of his leathers being pulled free. Carver pushed his tongue further into Alex's mouth, kissing him deeper and harder as he ripped the front of Alex's shirt open, his gauntleted hand then going gently over bare chest.  
  
He pushed his leg between Alex's, making them both groan into the kiss, their damn bulges getting hit in all the right places as they both rolled their hips on the others thighs. Carver sucked on Alex's tongue pulling back from the kiss, sliding his hands down to the other mans backside gripping it hard and hauled Alex upward on the tree, using some of the magic he keeps from everyone.  
  
"Fuck," Alex moans then moans even more when Carver heats his hand against his thigh, "God, yes."  
  
Carver chuckles against his neck, pushing him hard against the tree while he slips Alex's soft short pants over then down his thighs, then just rips them off using his gauntlet, "They're in my way."  
  
"Fuck you, arsehole," Alex groans out, pushing his head back against the bark wrapping his toned legs around his waist, "Want me to walk round naked, huh."  
  
"Sweet Maker, there you go again," Carver grins, then groans licking down Alex's neck, slowly sliding his length into Alex, "I wanna see you naked, every," Carver nips his neck, sliding in more, "fucking day, minx."  
  
Alex grips his shoulders tight, arching his back off the tree moaning wantonly the entire time he slides his cock into Alex's tight warm hole. Carver bites down hard on the bare shoulder, pushing more of his magic into keeping Alex in place while he slides back out, making them both groan at it. He wanted to give the whole of himself to Alex before he fucked it up the first time, but by the Makers balls when he rams back into the warm hole, he's going to give Alex everything that he is now.  
  
And more. A lot fucking more.  
  
Carver bites down harder, drawing a small amount of blood before he licks away the sting, rolling his hips up into Alex. The sweet heady scent that was the other man, filled in senses again pinning Alex's hands to the tree, gritting his teeth hard the more he thrusted upward. The moans and groans he was pulling from him, were delicious, more so then the first time he laid with him. Carver grunts letting his magic flow from his hands into Alex, letting his cock hit the right spot inside the other man when he arches his hips.  
  
"Oh fuck, yes," Alex pants out with his head thrown back more, his legs gripping Carvers waist harder, and by fuck was Carver impressed at the slightly toned planes of the other mans stomach he now had. Even his slightly defined leg muscles rippled with each roll downward with his upward thrusts.  
  
"Maker," Carver grunted then growled through his clenched teeth, pushing more of his magic into their coupling, "Why are you so," he ran his tongue over Alex's neck to his chin and nipped it, "fucking sinful!"  
  
Alex just laughed a moan arching his hips more, "Ask later."  
  
Carvers legs were beginning to burn, but fuck if he cared with his frantic hard pace into Alex, the sound of his flesh hitting the other mans was echoing around the place, as much as their grunts and moans. He lets electricity run through his fingers into Alex's, let his whole body come alive with it the more he fucked him. Sweat started to roll down his face, started to roll down Alex's the more he pushed himself into, he could feel Alex begin to shake.  
  
"I love you," Carver panted out on the other mans neck, "so fucking much."  
  
He swallowed loudly feeling himself get closer, gripping Alex's hand tighter in his against the tree. He licked the sweat that rolled down Alex's neck, catching it on his tongue and groaned loud feeling Alex tighten around him.  
  
"I love you," he panted out again, pushing more magic into it, "Maker I fucking love you."  
  
Alex bit down hard on the side of his neck, shaking, then almost deafened Carver when he yelled as he came, his teeth still clamped on the side of his neck. Carver screwed his eyes shut gritting his teeth even harder feeling his balls draw up, letting the electricity run through them both and threw his head back as he came.  
  
Oh sweet fuck, his magic went wild going into the tree behind them, almost splitting the thing in half. The loud crack and his shout echoed absolutely everywhere. But damn did it feel good to be in Alex again when he slowed his frantic thrusts down, grinning on the side on the mans neck.  
  
"I love you too," the soft whisper in his ear made his breath hitch, pulling back to look at Alex's beautifully flushed face.  
  
Carver slipped his eyes closed, resting his forehead on the other mans and whispered himself, "Come home, minx. Please."  
  
"Not naked I wont," Alex chuckled breathily, then nipped his nose.

* * *

  
  
As soon as Alex opened Varric's door, a small dark haired figure jumped onto him, sending them both sprawling onto the floor. Merrill gripped his shirt hard in her hands, peppering his entire face with small kisses, making Alex laugh running a hand up and down her back.  
  
"Good fucking grief, Kitty," he snickered when she wouldn't let go, "I'm fine. Your fine, we're all fine as can be."  
  
"Oh Lethallin," Merrill lent up on his chest and grinned tracing her fingers down the tattoos from his bottom lip to his throat, "They suit you. But Creators, did I miss you!"  
  
Alex nodded, patting her back, "I know. Mind letting me up though?"  
  
Merrill giggled sliding off him to stand, offering her hand which just made Alex roll his eyes when he took it. Merrill pulled him back into a hug when he stood up, her small dainty hands gripping the back of his shirt tight. A soft hiccup made him sigh out, pulling her over to his usual seat next to Varric and sat in it, Merrill climbing into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.  
  
"I'm so sorry, Kitty," he murmured into her hair, "I wish I was here to stop her from doing it. Wish I fucking knew."  
  
Merrill nodded her head when she pulled back, but not before she kissed his cheek, "It's fine Lethallin. I'll be fine. None of us knew what she was going to do. Dread wolf take it though, the Alienage was a wreck when the Qunari stormed it with their, helpers," she spat wrinkling her little button nose up, "So was the rest of the city. Was nothing you could of done, you needed to heal as it was."  
  
"Yeah, I did," Alex kissed her wrinkled up nose making her giggle again, "Me and Maren found a Halla calf, with Troubles help. We named her after your friend who was lost."  
  
Merrill's eyes go huge, "Lyna? You called... OH Lethallin," Merrill grinned pulling herself against him again, "Thank you! Where did it come from?"  
  
"We have no idea. Some of the food stores were getting low, they thought other humans were coming to steal it," Alex shrugged, "turns out it was just one very hungry Halla. God, she's so cute, with her little tiny twisting horns. You gotta go see her. Marethari said your more then welcome to come with me, even if it's just for the day."  
  
"Maybe," Merrill sighed pulling back again, "Did they tell you what I did? Did she?"  
  
Alex nodded his head, "I said I didn't care, because you don't scare the shit out of me like other blood mages do. It's not my place to judge on that shit, Kitty. Considering what a fucking moron I've been with Justice."  
  
"Lethallin, don't blame yourself for that. I have no idea where he's gone and neither does Audacity. Though," Merrill wrinkled her nose up again, "I hate asking that thing for anything any more. But I did hear, you made a friend in Caress. Really, Lethallin, a Desire?"  
  
Alex sat back in his chair when Merrill folder her small arms over her chest, "He's not a demon. I didn't see him that way and Carver confirmed he wasn't one too. I should of realised what was going on sooner with Justice when he-" Alex shook his head, "Yeah can we not talk about that any more. Caress is fine though. So as I said, I ain't gonna judge you for what you've done."  
  
"So how did you see him? I'm just curious."  
  
"A rather tall pale purple skinned man with horns. Devilishly handsome too, not wearing much, but he didn't freak me out like that other Desire did. Or, that hulking Pride one in Feynriel's dreams," Alex frowned looking out the door, "I get the whole idea now, but still, Caress even said why do mortals think their all terrible beings. Though, should of seen him when he heard Justice roar out. God, he wasn't fucking happy we brought him back into that fade place. And now he's-"  
  
Merrill clamped a hand over his mouth, "Stop thinking about it. What's done is done, can't change the past any more then we can see into the future."  
  
Alex nodded solemnly looking back at her. She was right, he moved on letting the damn fucker go, licking his wounds and healed being away. Merrill tilted her head at him and grinned again, making Alex quirk an eyebrow at her when she pulled her hand away.  
  
"I made cakes," she giggled, "Wait here, I'll go get them."  
  
He snorted a laugh when she practically bounced off his lap, and down the stairs almost tripping over her own feet when she ran past Carver and Varric coming in. She grinned wide at them, before darting out the door. The entire pub yelled Carvers last time, raising their mugs up at him when he strolled in in his new, ugh, sinfully sexy Champion armour. _Dammit Alex, keep your damn cock under control and stop staring._  
  
A little bit hard not too, when said man stood there and smirked at him, then saunted up the steps. Varric huffing out a laugh at them both, making his way to his usual seat, while Carver on the other hand, pulled Alex out of his, and kissed him hard on the lips before going to his own. Alex stood there with a stupid grin on his face then he flopped back into his seat, ungainly like, then laughed.  
  
"Hello to you too."  
  
"Dammit, wheres mine?" Varric squinted his eyes, then waved his hand when Carver started to stand, "Sunshine, don't even think about it."  
  
Carver stuck his tongue out sitting back down, then looked over to Alex, "How long have you been here? I thought I left you back at home, minx."  
  
"Oh for fucks sake. I've been back two days and your already bossing me about? Fuck you, Champion," Alex glared at him, then laughed, "I got bored, and besides Kitty's coming back with cakes in a few."  
  
"She missed you, Menace. We all did. Glad your back, kid."  
  
"Was only a couple of months," Alex whined.  
  
Varric pushed the glasses that were now on his nose lower, raising an eyebrow at him, "Menace, a few months mean a shit tonne in this bloody city. And thanks for the drawings, kid. Books gonna be a storm when it gets published."  
  
"You know, minx. You never did fucking say what else you did up there in your letters," Carver cocked head, running his booted foot up Alex's leg to his inner thigh, "Besides, its real pretty and clean."  
  
Alex blushed profusely as the boot went between his legs, gently nudging his balls, before going back down. He swallowed trying to ignore it and shrugged, "Well, I learned how to craft my own bow, and daggers. And," Alex bit his lip as the leg did it again, "and how to hunt properly. Met a city elf kid called Pol, who fancies the bloody pants off Merrill. And you met Lyna the Halla calf."  
  
"That all you did, Menace? Frolic like an elf," Varric snickered writing everything down, "hugging trees," both Alex and Carver blushed at that one, "getting more tattoos. Which by the way kid, sodding suit you."  
  
Alex swallowed again nodding his head, Carvers booted foot tracing small circles right near his hardening cock, "Yeah, that too. Couldn't tell you lot that much. Marethari wanted me to not think about all that shit while I recovered, you know."  
  
"Yeah I know Menace. Glad your back though. Maybe you can go get Blondie outta his sodding clinic," Varric huffed then frowned at Alex's face then at Carvers, "Oh for the love of- NOT AT THE DAMN TABLE!"

* * *

  
  
Alex popped the last bit of his cake in his mouth, savouring the taste while he and Carver walked with linked arms down the to the darkened docks. The destruction the Qunari left behind was immense. A good portion of Lowtown was destroyed, the docks weren't fairing any better either. Hightown was just a little better, but still, those giants left a lot of destruction behind.  
  
Blood still splattered down all the sets of steps to the docks, scorch marks left by Carver and apparently these Qunari mages too. Fuck it, Alex wanted to see these Saarebas, but never got a chance to. Oh well. But he was still mad at Isabela leaving them all in the lurch, leaving yet another vacuum in the group. He was now the only one who could wield daggers, but not the only one able to disable traps.  
  
Alex, really like being a rogue, it felt fucking right to him being one. Felt right having the daggers in his hands, slipping into the shadows without the smoke bombs now. His stave was traded at the clans camp for more rogue gear he couldn't get anywhere else. Oh, was it gonna be fun showing Carver and the others what he could actually do now, while he thumbed the ring on his left hand. Their all gonna shit their pants.  
  
Carver tugged on his arm, jutting his chin out to the old Qunari compound, "Shall we go see whats left? I know full well the fucking Qunari left shit behind."  
  
Alex smirked letting Carvers arm go, looking up at the tall gates that closed off the place, "Too right I want to see whats in there. I never really got a chance to."  
  
Carver grinned putting his hand out, his magic just forced everything out the way, the doors pinging back against the stone walls with a crack, then casually strolled into the place like he owned it. Alex barked out a laugh following him inside, looking about himself in awe as Carver pushed the doors closed. Fucking hell, they left a LOT behind. Weapons still lined racks, small tents were still pitched. Books and pieces of paper blew around in the salty wind, and then there was the huge fucking chair right at the top of some steps, sitting empty. Blood red banners ruffled in the breeze, the Qunari emblem plastered over them.  
  
"The Arishok's throne," Carver muttered in Alex's ear, "Where the all high and mighty bastard sat, when he wasn't storming down the steps to try and bring me in line."  
  
Alex tilted his head looking over the large throne, "Go sit on it," he said waving his hand at it, "Go be king of the damn hill."  
  
"Makers fucking balls, you trying to turn me on right now?" Carver snickered squeezing his shoulders before running up the steps.  
  
The man just stood there in-front of the throne waving his hands about, "Bas this, bas that. Now you will see, blah blah fucking blah," and sat down heavily on the thing, "My city, my fucking rules arsehole."  
  
Alex bit his lip and grinned watching Carver rant sitting on the throne, pointing at nothing behind Alex putting on a deep voice. He slowly walked towards the steps, running his tongue along the edge of his teeth, looking Carver deep in the eyes when the man raised an eyebrow at him stopping his rant.  
  
"Oh do go on," Alex slowly made his way up the partially darkened steps unbuttoning his shirt, "And what does the all high and mighty Arishok want from this patron of Kirkwall?"  
  
Carver, he noted, sat back in the huge seat with his eyes going wide. He also noted the tightening of Carvers leathers, and smirked undoing more of his shirt buttons still slowly making his way up the steps.  
  
"I," Carver swallowed gripping the arm rests hard, his knuckles going white with it, "I want you to kneel before me, bas."  
  
Alex lets the shirt fall from him, pooling around on the floor dipping his head when he stood in-front of Carver, then dropped to the floor on his knees bowing, "Anything else, Arishok?"  
  
"Touch yourself," Carver huskily said out, gripping the arms even harder, "I want to watch you squirm, bas."  
  
"Anything you so desire, Arishok," Alex smirked then closes his eyes, tracing the pattern of the tattoo from his bottom lip, slowing running his fingers over them, darting his tongue out to wet his fingers then traced them down to his chest.  
  
His other hand caressed his hip, palming all the way to his waist band of his leathers, then down the front to his ever hardening cock. Alex tilted his head back slightly with his lips parted letting out a small moan as he palmed himself in his leathers, his other hand slowly tracing down the tattoos he knows well to his stomach.  
  
He could hear Carvers laces being pulled open and smiled internally at it, palming himself more through his leathers, spreading his legs apart more. Alex tugged on his own laces pulling them open, his other hand tracing back up to his neck, and gripped it slightly earning a small groan from Carver watching him dominate himself. God, was Alex utterly turned on doing this, he's never done anything like this, slipping his hand into his leathers palming himself.  
  
He kept his eyes closed gripping his neck tighter before he slipped two fingers into his mouth, pulling himself free from his leathers, and groaned around them stroking his shaft, his thumb swiping over the small pearls of pre-cum that started to form. Drool started to dribble around his fingers, started to roll down his chin biting gently down on them, leaning backwards a little as he rolled his hips slightly into his palm the same time he fisted himself.  
  
"Beautiful bas," Carver panted out in-front of him, no doubt fisting his own cock at what Alex was doing, "Look at you getting debauched for me."  
  
Alex nodded around his fingers, drool slipping out more. Right now, he wanted those fingers to be Carvers in his mouth, he wanted it to be Carver fisting his fucking cock as he fucked him from behind. Alex lets out a moan around his fingers, pushing his own tongue down harder tilting his head back more, fastening his pace on his cock with his hand and hips.  
  
"Your a depraved one, aren't you," Carver groaned out, "You want me to fuck you, don't you. You want me to bend you over and fuck you so damn hard, you'll scream to the Maker and back."  
  
OH god, that did it when Alex went fully backwards with his legs still bent under him, fisting himself harder practically gripping his own face tight between his hand. God yes, he wanted that right now, he wanted that more then anything arching his entire back into his palm, drool rolling down the side of his face. Alex could feel his whole body tighten, groaning around his fingers, he could feel his cock get harder and thicker making his pace get erratic.  
  
"Come for me, beautiful bas."  
  
Alex bit down on his fingers hard pushing his head back into the stone, arching his back from his legs as he came, the warm spurts hitting his stomach and chest. He breathed hard milking everything he had from his climax, slipping his fingers from his mouth tasting the coppery tang against his tongue where he bit down on them.  
  
Alex laid there panting hard grinning, listening to the hand on Carvers own cock, the slick sound of it working frantically. He ran his fingers over his chest through his cum, then lifted them to his panting mouth, and licked them clean humming doing so. God, he still tasted sweet, and did it again down his stomach. Carver groaned even louder, then Alex felt him fall on top of him, running his tongue over the cum on Alex's stomach up to his chest, still fucking jerking off.  
  
"I think you should come for me now, Arishok," Alex panted out, gripping Carvers hair between his clean hand, "Paint me with it."  
  
"Sweet fucking Maker," Carver growled out, "Yes, fucking, YES!" He felt Carver hit his chest as he came, feeling the tell tale tingle of electricity against his skin and grinned.  
  
Alex gripped the mans hair more feeling the other man shake as he came down from his climax, and pulled himself upright with it claiming Carvers mouth, earning a low growl from him and a moan from himself, tasting his own seed on Carvers tongue.  
  
Oh yeah he was feeling very depraved right now, and by fuck, he loved it gripping Carvers hair more forcing his own tongue deeper into the mans mouth, plundering it.

* * *

 

 

 

The tattoos Alex gets -


	21. A Brief Interlude, Again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassandra looks over items waiting for Varric.

**9:40 Dragon - The Hawke Mansion.**  
  
Cassandra runs her gloved finger over the Arishok's horn still sitting in the mansion, noting there was no dust upon it when she looked at her finger. The golden bands still had small flecks of blood on them as did the gold earring that sat beside it. _'The dwarf must of kept it all clean,'_ she surmised as she looked about herself more.  
  
A pair of daggers hung not too far away, a rusted beaten great-sword hung in-between along side a sword and shield, the emblem half worn away with use. Three staff's were left sitting against the wall, as though their owner's were to return at any moment to collect them. Another weapon was leaning against the opposite wall, blood still splatted on the blade, but she knew the owner of the Blade of Mercy favoured a different kind of weapon now. A battered blood stained quiver and a broken bow hung up over the Mercy blade, several broken bolts lined next to them  
  
Everything was still in it's place as she sat back down in her chair, waiting for the dwarf to return from his slumber. Even a shard of the Dalish's mirror sat empty on the writing desk along side un-opened letter's, the curling paper turning yellow and two mabari collars hung from the end via a small chain.  
  
She still didn't know whether the dwarf was still lying to her, it all sounded unbelievable, which made the entire thing more believable. _'That is how stories went,'_ she thinks as she sips her tea, _'the more unbelievable it is, the more there is the truth behind it.'_  
  
The dwarf was shaking by the time he finished last night, tear's threatened his eyes when he spoke of it all, and she knew he wasn't done yet. He wanted the truth to be known, even if it meant his death. She didn't know how the Divine would react, but Justinia was a fair woman, she would know the truth if the dwarf was lying again.  
  
_'But he wasn't was he,'_ she thinks again as Varric walks slowly into the room, guided by her guards, she didn't know if she wanted to hear more but she wanted to know.  
  
"Good morning Seeker," the dwarf sneered out as he was pushed into his seat, "So, what else you wanna know? Or have you heard enough?"  
  
"I need to hear more, Varric," she says calmly sitting back in her chair, "I need to know if-"  
  
"Oh no, no no no, we're not jumping ahead. We still have a LOT of other bullshit to get through first," the dwarf snarled out at her, "I want this story to be told, I'm done hiding it!"  
  
"Then tell me."


	22. Don’t Look Back In Anger.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets the surprise of his life, THRICE!  
> What can possibly go wrong? It's Satinalia for the love of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mentions of abuse/rape/non-con.
> 
> Oasis - Don’t Look Back In Anger - https://youtu.be/cmpRLQZkTb8

**9:34 Dragon - Firstfall.**  
  
Alex slipped his headphones over his ears, pulling the hood over the top of them as he ran through Hightown. His leather coat flapped behind him when his feet kicked back against it, his thigh high leather boot buckles jangled with every hard pound of his feet on the stones. Snow crunched under his booted feet, going down the steps to Lowtown, Trouble ran beside him with her tongue out.  
  
Was the last bloody day he could go buy something for everyone for this, Satinalia thing. IE Christmas. He's been too preoccupied doing other things then thinking about buying presents for everyone. But he needed to, no matter the cost, and he had a list he needed to get through by the end of the day before Satinalia in two days time.  
  
And to go bug Anders still locked up in his clinic again, writing that stupid manifesto.  
  
Alex skidded to a halt by the blacksmith and grinned, pointing at the new bolt quiver for Varric, to replace his old one. He then pointed to the sword cleaning kit's for Fenris and Donnic, all bound up in nice brown leather cases.  
  
Alex then spotted a pair of daggers gleaming in the watery winter sun and stared at them. The fine curve of the blue handle and silver blade reminded him of Isabela, the gold and silver inlay glinted in the wintry light like her piercings. He frowned staring at them, and sighs, buying those to go along side his. He liked them, even if they do remind him of her.  
  
He stashed everything in his back pack, walking slowly to another stall. A golden Halla sat next to some other elven things, and brought that too as well as the finely hand bound book on elven tales for little Lia.  
  
He found everything else he wanted wandering the small Satinalia market: Several new Grimoires for Carver and Anders, and a new fucking gorgeous deep red and black staff for the damn man he never really fell out of love with. He brought several beautiful red feathers and crystals to adorn the thing when he gets back. Everything felt like it hummed under his hand when he took off his back pack to strap it on.  
  
Trouble whined next to him looking down the market, "Whats up little one?" he asks her when she whines again cocking her head.  
  
Alex frowned looking to where she was and dropped everything in his hands as Isabela stood there, wet and shivering. Her long black hair was cut shorter, no longer under the blue bandanna she wore. Her white chemise was torn in several places, her arms and face were covered in bruises.  
  
She burst into tears when she ran at him, practically holding onto him for dear life as tears streamed down her face.  
  
"Izzy, what the fuck," Alex muttered holding her tight, "What the fuck happened?"  
  
"Castillon," she choked out slipping down him unable to hold on, "backstabbed me."  
  
Alex gripped her tight dragging her over to a bench, shucking his coat off from his back while he muttered, "Go get Anders and Carver, Trouble," wrapping his coat around his shaking friend.  
  
Her eyepatch was missing, so were her long boots making Alex grind his fucking teeth at that, "What else happened, Izzy?" he took her face when he knelt down, and watched her bottom lip quiver. Yeah, he didn't need to ask any more about that, he fucking knew.  
  
Alex was thankful no-one recognised who it was shaking on the bench when they went past. They would of flayed her alive if they knew. But still, he cupped her face in his hands looking over it, her brown eye rimmed red as tears just poured out from her face.  
  
"Is he dead?" she shook her head "Do you know where he's gone though?" she shook her head again making Alex sigh out when he brought her close to his chest, "I hope he stays gone, Izzy. If he don't, I'll tear him a new one, alright."  
  
"Pup, I'm so sorry," she chattered out through her teeth, "Don't, don't blame me please."  
  
"I was pissed at you, Izzy, everyone fucking was," he cupped her face again when he lent back, "You left everyone in the lurch for some fucking book. You left the woman you fucking loved behind, and I wont be your judge okay. But you came back knowing you might get imprisoned, or worse."  
  
"I know," she whispers, "He was going to," she shook even more when she collapsed on his shoulder, "he was going to kill me if I didn't bring it to him. But I fucked up, didn't I. I really really fucked up. Maker, I didn't want this to happen, I didn't even know until I heard through the grapevine. I tried to leave," Isabela choked a sob, "but he wouldn't let me."  
  
Alex shook his head against hers gripping her tighter, feeling how skinny she was under his hands, "We'll sort something out, trust me. The others, I dunno yet."  
  
Trouble boofed from the distance making Alex let out a sigh when he heard Carver shout, "You better fucking be alright, minx. I'll be pissed otherwise."  
  
"Andraste's dimpled arse, is that-" Anders choked out behind him when they got close, and pushed Alex out the way looking over at the woman looking up at them all, "Get her to my clinic."  
  
Carver slid his hands around her, picking her up, "Fucking heal her a bit first, you daft shit."  
  
Alex lets the three of them go ahead while he gathered his dropped pack and headphones. He wanted to laugh out into the sky that it was a Christmas miracle that she came back, but didn't feel right when he shucked his pack back on. She looked like she went through as much hell as he did. But who ever this Castillon was, if he ever finds where this man was, he's going to gut him like a fucking fish.  


* * *

  
  
"Are you fucking serious, Donnic?"  
  
Donnic shrugged running a hand through his mutton chops, "Two months is the best I can do. It's either that or be hung. Two months is nothing in my Maker taken jail, Alex."  
  
Alex slumped down on the library seat, running a hand down his face before he nodded, "Alright, alright. I get it."  
  
"Just be thankful the nobles gave her that much. With no Viscount, they don't have much say right now," Donnic lent his hip against one of the bookshelves, "I think she and they've gone through enough, same with the Lowtown lot. Maker, if I ever find that sick fuck-"  
  
Alex nodded his head again, "You and me both, mate. Give her a week or two, then, do it," Alex rose out of his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, "I'll make sure she doesn't run off again."  
  
Donnic dipped his head and left Alex standing there, looking into the roaring fire in the hearth. God, this was a fucking mess, but at least she came back. A little broken, but she came back. Anders hasn't left her side and neither has Varric when they brought her to the mansion after they patched her up. They ran into Donnic on the way up here, but still, two months in jail, yeah okay, was better then he thought it would be.  
  
Alex made his way out the library to the kitchen, and smiled at Merrill and Fenris putting up fern boughs over windows and the mantleshelf. Little red bows adorned the whole lot, along side little baubles of silver. Shit, didn't that make Alex yearn for his mum and brother again, remembering when they did the same thing. There was even a huge pine in the corner, covered tip to base in bows, baubles and candles.  
  
The smell of something sweet and spicy hit his nose entering the kitchen, and smirked at Carver standing there cooking. The elven girl they both rescued last month giggling at something he said. Orana, was a really sweet girl, and thankful they saved her from slavers coming for Fenris. Fuck that shit, they all enjoyed killing that bunch of sick fucks, taking the poor girl away from them before they did something to her.  
  
Fenris knew her well and was even more thankful they saved her from Danarius.  
  
"What you making?" Alex asked inquisitively trying his hardest to peak, only to have Orana slap his hand with a wooden spoon. "Fine," Alex pouted when he got bonked on the nose from Carver waving his hands for him to shoo.  
  
"Go make yourself useful, minx, by looking pretty over there," Carver waved again, grinning wide.  
  
"Oh hell no! I ain't gonna be your damn nude model again, Carver!"  
  
Alex shook his head leaving them to it in the kitchen, heading his way up the stairs to his former room. God take the fucking utterly sexy man and his wanting Alex to pose for him nude while he pretended to fucking draw. Which ended up in them wresting, and then kissing, then fucking on the floor for a few hours. Yeah, alright, Alex grinned, that was fun.  
  
He stopped at his old desk and giggled at the little stick figure Carver drew, and tucked it back into his journal. Damn Snoopy the dwarf and his nosey bloody nature, going through their shit when he thought nobody was around.  
  
Alex sat on the edge of his bed, pulling the staff out from under it and the pouch of feathers and crystals. He needed to finish that shit by tonight for tomorrow as it was, running into Isabela yesterday threw a bit of a spanner in the works, but she was more important.  
  
"There you are," Alex flinched nearly dropping the staff and pouch on the floor at Anders voice.  
  
"Shut the fucking door," Alex hissed through his teeth, looking over his shoulder.  
  
Anders snorted slamming the door shut, making Alex roll his eyes pulling out a feather and leather cord, "So, I been meaning to ask," the bed dipped next to him when Anders sat, "You and Carver, officially now, huh?"  
  
"Yes what of it," Alex sighed dropping his arms.  
  
"I just-" Anders furrowed his brow wringing his fingers together, looking down at the floor, "I- Andraste's flaming knickers, I'm a little jealous."  
  
Alex stopped his work on the staff again giving Anders an incredulous look, before he blinked a few times, "Of what? That we're together? I thought you and Snowy were-"  
  
Anders slammed his hand over Alex's mouth and shook his head, "Don't even go there, alright. It didn't work out. What with me devoting my time to the clinic, then Justice, and every other damn mage thing out there. We finished before we even started."  
  
"Get your blooming hand off my mouth," Alex muttered behind it, then licked it when the man didn't listen, "Thank you."  
  
"Classy, Alex," Anders chuckled wiping his hand on his coat, "But seriously though, I am jealous. Fenris and Merrill are kind of, you know."  
  
Alex rolled his eyes as he shook his head, flopping back on his old bed, "Son of a bitch. See, SEE! This is what happens when people fuck about. They move on!" Alex raised an eyebrow at the blond man, "How long they been," he waggled them earning a huffing laugh from Anders.  
  
"When Isabela fled leaving everyone behind. I hate to say it," Anders flopped down beside him, twirling one of the feathers between his fingers, "I think they go well together. Better then me and Fenris thats for sure. Maker, I think everyone fucked up along the way here."  
  
"We sure did," Alex bonked Anders on the head with the staff, "We'll get over it. Or bugger off for a few months and heal," he grinned.  
  
Anders smirked tracing his fingers down Alex's chin tattoo, making him slip his eyes closed at the feeling, "Certainly did you some good. Maker, I think this is really sexy, brat. Suits you."  
  
"Oh, no. No, don't you dare start," Alex narrowed his eyes, bonking Anders on the head again, "You wanna do that, you fucking ask Carver first, kay."  
  
Anders wrinkled his nose up when he chuckled, "I said I wasn't going to be that type of man any more, but fuck that shit," he grins, "Don't think I can change that quick you know. Been damn years since I've been to bed with anyone. And I'm an old man now."  
  
"Bullshit and you know it! I'll give you a few sov's, how about that. Go have a good ole rummage around in the Blooming Rose, see what they have on offer," Alex grinned as he sat, "Better yet, come to the White Swallow with me and Carver, might find you a pretty looking lad in there for ya!"  
  
"Yeah, how about no. Andraste's bouncing tits, can you see me with a whore or ten?" Anders knocked his shoulder against Alex's, "With my grey warden stamina too? Yeah no. Whats the White Swallow though?"  
  
Alex grinned taking the feather from the mages mouth when he started to chew on it, attaching a small crystal to the end with the leather cord, "A fantastic place that caters to me, Carver, and now you," he bonked Anders on the head once more. Which just had the blond man glare at him taking the staff from his hand, and bonked him instead.  
  
"Do I need to dress up for the place?" Anders asked him still bonking Alex on the head, chewing on yet another feather.  
  
Alex snatched the staff back, "YES! I'll buy you new clothes, AND STOP CHEWING ON MY FUCKING FEATHERS!"  
  
"Tit for tat, brat," Anders grinned when he darted off the bed then out the door when he flung it open, giggling the entire time.  
  
Alex knocked his forehead on the staff listening to the other man running away, and sighed, "Why me?"  


* * *

  
  
**Satinalia.**  
  
"Get up minx."  
  
Alex swatted his hand at the mans voice chuckling at him, pulling the sheet over his head more.  
  
"Minx," Carver chastised pulling the sheet down, "Get up. It's Satinalia."  
  
"Go away," Alex grumbled pulling the sheet up again, only to have it ripped out of his hands. He laid there wrinkling his nose up, covering his eyes with his arms instead.  
  
"Grump," Carver huffed against his face before kissing it, "Just have to get you outta bed a different way then."  
  
Alex grumbled more under his breath, he needed bloody sleep for fucks sake. Being kept awake most of the night by Isabela's whimpers from the next room, Anders running to and fro, the dogs, Carver in the fucking-  
  
His eyes shoot open flopping his arms down hard down on the bed at the hot mouth on him under the sheets. "CARVER!" he shouted then groaned, "Fucking arse," as the mouth took the whole of him in it's mouth.  
  
Carver chuckled around him, sucked him hard before he pulled off with an obscene pop, "Get up then."  
  
"I'm already up," Alex snickered then whined looking at Carver fully dressed, slipping out from under the sheets to the door, "No, no! You fucking well come back here and finish what you started you jerk!"  
  
He didn't get a reply back as the door slammed shut, and laid there fisting the sheets between his hands. God fucking dammit. Alex ran his hands over his face, scrubbing the sleepy morning feeling from it, and sighed looking up at the ceiling. He should get up, not that up, he thought looking at the pitched tent and sighed again, swinging his legs out of bed.  
  
Alex could hear that entire mansion was awake while he made his was to the bathroom, everyone except him. Ugh. He stuck his tongue out at himself in the mirror, doing his morning ablutions before getting dressed. Alex lets his nose guide him down the steps, letting the smell of spice draw him into the kitchen, where everyone was sitting around the center island. Trouble and Major boofed loudly at him coming in, nearly plowing him over when they jumped up.  
  
"Finally!" Carver grinned at him waving a spoon, "Sit your damn arse down, minx. Your gonna have to wait to break your fast now, seeing as your the last one up."  
  
Alex flicked his hand under his chin at Carver, sitting down on the floor ruffling both their dogs heads trying to lick his face. Trouble crawled in his lap as Major laid his head on Alex's legs, himself watching everyone around the island talk loudly. Even Isabela sat between Merrill and Fenris, somewhat smiling, even if it fell flat. Alex's heartbroke a little, sitting there on the floor watching her. She flinched everytime Anders or Donnic reached for something.  
  
Alex wondered if he was like that after the whole Templar thing? She looked terrified to be honest, Alex couldn't take any more when he nudged both the pups from him to stand.  
  
"Izzy," he said quietly, walking slowly over to her, "Come on."  
  
She looked pained looking at him taking his hand, holding it tight when they left the kitchen for the library. Alex partially closed the doors when she sat down in-front of the fire, and shook his head slightly.  
  
"I know it's not the right time to bring this shit up, but I guess you heard what Donnic's going to do."  
  
"Yes pup," she said out quietly.  
  
Alex sat down next to her, taking her hand again, "Your terrified about it, and about," Alex frowned looking at the fireplace, "men."  
  
Isabela flinched in his hands. Yup, he didn't need to hear it when he clasped her hand more, "I think Donnic could arrange something else, alright. I'll talk to him, see what he can do."  
  
"Pup, I," she closed her eyes sucking in a deep breath, "I'll be fine. I think, I think I'll go lay back down. I'm a bit tired."  
  
Alex sighed when she rose swiftly from the chair letting his hand go, before going back upstairs. He going to rip that fucking bastard apart when he finds where the man is, he'll make him suffer. Oh by god will he make the man suffer. Fucking hell, it should be a good day today, should be filled with joy and laughter, but he really didn't feel like it any more. His appetite left him making his own way back up the stairs, looking over to the tree with everyones parcels under and around the thing.  
  
No, no he needed to stay, he couldn't go gallivanting off right now leaving everyone behind. This was his first proper Satinalia Christmas thing being here, didn't have one last year, might not be one next year. Alex lent on the balcony railing looking down at everything in the main room, closing his eyes at the sounds playing in his head. Almost hearing voices he hasn't heard in a long while talk loudly below.  
  
Could almost hear his da's voice telling them both a story, that wasn't even remotely Christmas like at all. Full of things about dragons and knights, witches and warlocks. Ancient places thats been lost to time, may never be found again. Digging up a past that a lot of people cared little about. He could hear his mother laughing bawdily in the kitchen as she cooked dinner with grandma's help, grandda rummaging around in the liquor cabinet, trying to find da's good whiskey while he talked about his own digs.  
  
Was the same thing every Christmas, the same stories that got more fanciful with each telling, and Alex smiled to himself. Varric was the storyteller now, his stories so fanciful at times they made no sense, but had everyone on the edge of their seat listening, nonetheless. Alex smiled even more opening his eyes looking down again, he was living the stories his da spoke of often, he was living it all.  
  
Carver was looking up at him from below, a smile gracing his face as well, "Reminiscing are we?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah I was," Alex lent over the balcony more, "I have an idea, something I think Snoopy can help me with. But not yet."  
  
Carver tilted his head then knelt down at the tree pulling something out from under it, then quickly put it behind his back, "Is it dirty stories? Maker I fucking hope not, not after the whole Rose incident, minx."  
  
"Oh fuck off with that! Wasn't my fault I ran into Katriela with that fucking strap-on she wears," Alex narrowed his eyes at the other man, even though he was smiling, "And besides," he pointed at the man laughing now, "Who's idea was it to bloody well write dirty fiction. Wasn't mine. Tubers, really?"  
  
Carver doubled over trying to walk up the stairs, "And the squeal's. Cant get that shit outta my ears, by the way."  
  
"Seriously! Your blaming me for it?" Alex slammed his hands down on the railing pushing away to meet Carver down the stairs, "Your the one who wanted to go in there when they had their nug night. So go sit on it," he snickered out.  
  
"I will later."  
  
Alex slapped Carvers shoulder, "Like fuck you will. Had your chance earlier," Alex sniffed trying to walk past him, "But noooo."  
  
Carver grabbed his arm when he got down to the bottom and spun him around, "No, trust me, I will later," the man smiled, "And so will you," he murmured in Alex's ear.  
  
"What the fuck are you on about now?" Alex whined.  
  
"Marry me."  
  
Alex blinked a few times when Carver slipped something on his wrist, and looked down at the silver and red torque there, it matched Carvers own around his neck. Alex blinked again looking up at Carvers face with his lips parted, trying to form words that fled his damn mouth. Did he really just-  
  
"I got you a staff," Alex said out quickly, then blushed hard clamping both his eyes and mouth shut. No, he must of misheard Carver, he just had to of done. Theres no way he said-  
  
He felt like the entire world held it's breath around him, felt like it was trying to swim away at the same time. The silence was almost deafening to Alex's ears, felt like his heart was going to pound on right out of his chest and out the door. He said he would never, ever do this again, if it led to fucking heartaches and years of bloody pain.  
  
Alex slowly opened his eyes when he felt his lashes get a little damp as Carver started to slip his hand out from his, the man's face was beginning to harden with how long he didn't answer.  
  
"Yes," he said out quietly. _God, if this is a fucking dream, I'm gonna come up there and kick your fucking balls. I mean it!_  
  
The world let it's breath out in a rush as everything snapped back into place, Carver grabbed his face kissing him hard as everyone behind them erupted into cheers. Seriously if he wakes up now, and theres no torque on his wrist, he was going to storm the heavens and rip God, the Maker and Andraste several new arseholes.  
  
Alex heard himself say something similar to what someone else said to him against Carvers lips, "I will drown this city in blood if anything ever happens to you."  
  
"So will I," Carver murmured back looking deep into Alex's eyes, brushing the fringe from his face, "to keep you safe. Maker, I fucking love you."  
  
"I love you too," Alex kissed him again and smiled into it as everyone cheered again.  


* * *

  
  
**9:34 Dragon - Haring.**  
  
Alex walked back from the barracks running his fingers over the torque again, smiling as he did so. It's been three weeks now since Satinalia, since Carver and him basically got engaged, and did that feel fucking weird. No, it wasn't weird that he was a he doing it, it was weird that he was doing it again, but yet not.  
  
Alex snorted to himself, he was sounding like a raving idiot in his own head thinking about this.  
  
Isabela was safe and sound tucked up in one of the cells being watched by Harley and Brennan, two of the women they saved on the Wounded Coast. And thank everything for that. Not like Alex was pleased by it, but still, she would be serving her time what everyone wanted her do to. He sighed out a little, scuffing up drifts of snow from the biting wind they had two days prior, just one more thing done in this fucking shitty city.  
  
Alex pulled one of the roll-ups from his pocket and lit a match, huddling around the corner from the chilly wind that picked up. He let the thing hang from the corner of his mouth when he stepped back, then tilted his head at the distant sound of sobbing.  
  
Now what the fuck was going on? Always seems to be something happening in this bloody city. Alex rolled his shoulders under his coat, walking slowly towards the sound. Was definitely a mans sob, the closer he got, but who?  
  
Red spots started to line the way for him, turning the pristine white snow pink. The sobbing got louder the closer he got to a secluded part of the central courtyard in Hightown, the red spots growing larger.  
  
The sight that greeted him around the corner made his smoke fall from him, putting both his hands over his mouth at the blood soaked man laying half in the packed snow, shivering. Blood was splattered absolutely everywhere he looked, the snow was deep crimson around the prone man. Good fucking god, this was like an abattoirs.  
  
"I'm not going to hurt you, I'm here to help," he said as softly as he could to the man. He just couldn't tell what colour hair he had with how much blood was caked on him.  
  
A delicately pointed pierced ear peaked out from under the hair when it moved, and slowly looked up at Alex. He nearly fell flat on the floor at the face looking up at him, the tears creating tracks through the grime slowly freezing to his face, the mans eyes going wide looking at him.  
  
"Holy shit!" Alex shucked out of his coat as quickly as he could, dropping on his knees by the man trying to wrap him up in it.  
  
"Sweet... boy?" Caress, who looked like he been spat out of a blender, choked back a sob at him, "Help me... please."


	23. Enter Sandman.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Caress recovers, Alex and Carver find the culprit. Its much worse then they thought when they find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Bloody Horror, Death, Homophobic slurs, Blood magic control.
> 
> Metallica - Enter Sandman - https://youtu.be/CD-E-LDc384

**9:34 Dragon - Haring.**  
  
Alex fumbled around in his pocket for the mansion key, trying to hold Caress up at the same time. God fucking dammit, his fingers were so numb he couldn't find the fucking key. Caress was shaking so much under his hand, it was making him shake just as much when Alex just kicked the door, shouting for Carver.  
  
The mans formally pale purple skin, besides being covered in blood, had turned lavender with how cold he was. The biting wind didn't help either when he banged with his fist, shouting for Anders instead.  
  
God fucking dammit, where the fuck was everyone? Alex kicked the door again, then nearly fell over when it flung open with a disheveled Anders huffing out at him, "What the fuck Alex- holy shit!"  
  
The mans eyes went wide when Alex pushed him out the way, guiding the shaking Caress through the foyer, "Anders, wake the fuck up! Go get Carver, get your healing shit on, then come to my old room."  
  
"Sweet boy," Caress chattered through his teeth, "I don't feel so good."  
  
"I know, I know," Alex held onto him firmly walking slowly through the main room, "You've lost a lot of blood, and it's fucking freezing out there."  
  
Donnic came bounding down the stairs just as disheveled as Anders was, then slips down them holding onto the railing looking at the being in Alex's arms. Donnic nodded his head and went back upstairs, Anders hot on his heals. He could hear Orana squeak a little from the kitchen, Trouble and Major whining as they slowly made their way out.  
  
"Orana, sweetheart," Alex said to her quietly, "Is there any of the chicken broth left over?"  
  
She nodded, dipping back into the kitchen, "I'll warm it, Serah. And I'll bring warm milk up too," she shouted. _'Good girl'_ , he thought slowly walking again, the dogs running past him to the balcony, putting their heads through the railing to watch.  
  
"I, I," Caress started to slip just right before the stairs, "I can't-"  
  
"Yes you can, even if I have to carry you on my back, Cass," Alex muttered holding on tighter, "You ain't dying on my watch."  
  
He put his first foot on the step and hauled Caress up with him, both of them shaking against the other when he does another. The being shook even more going up the third one, almost slipping out of Alex's grasp. Fucking damn this shit, he needed to hurry, this was taking to long to get him up the stairs, and he wasn't going to fucking make it if he didn't push harder.  
  
"ANDERS, WHERE THE FUCK IS CARVER!"  
  
"NOT HERE," Anders shouted back at him, "DONNIC'S COMING BACK TO HELP."  
  
Oh thank fuck for that. Alex grit his teeth going up another step, holding on the man slowly ebbing away from his grasp. No, no, no, "Not on my damn watch! Trouble, Major, go find Carver and Merrill, bring them back please."  
  
He didn't watch them bound from the balcony, but he did sigh out when Donnic came running back fully dressed now, taking hold of Caress's other side. His skin was paling even more as his eyes started to slip closed, his head lolling forward. Both Donnic and himself grit their teeth hauling him up the stairs, practically dragging him up it to Alex's old room. Anders waved his hands frantically when they sat him on the edge of the bed, Alex taking his coat from his shoulders.  
  
"You need to lay down, Cass," Alex cupped his face looking over it then screwed his eyes shut shaking his head.  
  
Someone, or several someones almost butchered him. Both of his horns were carved off near his head, leaving just two stubs behind. His hair was so matted it was unbelievable, his tail and piercings were fine, but the cuts running up and down both his arms and legs made Alex growl under his breath. Caress was still barely clothed as it was, when they helped him lay down, but his leather bands and rings were gone.  
  
Alex ran into the bathroom, running both the bath and basin taps, letting them both fill up fully while he grabbed the healing salts, towels and sheets.  
  
The front door slammed open, boofing followed by both Carver and Merrill's voices filtered up the stairs when it was shut again.  
  
"Lethallin, whats going on? We're all- Elgar'nan! Okay, okay, I'll be right back!"  
  
"Holy fucking Makers balls! Its-" Carver ran into the bathroom too, grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, "What the fuck's going on?" he pointed behind him.  
  
Alex shook his head pushing towels into his hands, "I have no idea, I found him in a snow pack in the central courtyard. God, there was so much blood everywhere, Carver. He's dying, I wont fucking have it, alright!"  
  
Carver just nodded his head, gathering up more items before taking them back in there. Alex started to shiver himself when he looked down at his caked and defrosting clothes, he needed to get out of them soon himself, then drag Carver to were he found Caress, no, Cass. But first, he needed to help the others clean the beings body free from the blood and grime he was caked in.  
  
So himself, Carver and Merrill when she came back, started to wipe down Cass's body, taking his soiled loincloth thing away from his body, gently taking the gold rings that lined half way down his tail. All the while Anders healed him as best he could, Merrill taking over on the things he couldn't do, much to his chagrin at times when she used Cass's own blood to suture wounds he couldn't. Fenris and Donnic ran back and forth from the bathroom with warm wet towels and cloths for them, Varric was busy in the kitchen with Orana, keeping the dogs away when she came up with the broth and milk.  
  
His entire skin was slashed and gashed the more they uncovered it through the grime, Alex just couldn't take it any more when he cupped Cass's face again, brushing the matted hair from eyes.  
  
"I'll find who did this, Cass," he murmured, "Mark my words."

* * *

  
  
Carver stood there with his hand over his mouth, looking about the place. There was so much blood on everything, looked more like a slaughter house then a private courtyard. He looked over his shoulder at Alex, who was wrapping his arms around himself, shaking his head.  
  
"Blood magic."  
  
Alex nodded, "Yeah, I feel it now. Faint, but I feel it. I think I was just too shocked to even notice."  
  
"No, it's very faint," Carver brought him in tight against his chest, running his hands over his shaking partner's form, "Do you know where his horns are?"  
  
Alex just shook his head, then pointed to the blood trail, "You think you or the pups can trace that back the source?"  
  
"Major, Trouble, scent," he bent down to the blood and tapped by it, "Scent and find."  
  
The dogs started sniffing around, putting theirs noses deep into the snow, huffing. They sniffed each bit of blood slowly making their way out the courtyard, both Carver and Alex following them out. The blood trail was too faint for the both of them to see, but the pups dug their noses into the snow deeper, huffing even more. Major lifted his head up and howled before running off, Trouble running after him further into Hightown.  
  
"If it's a coven," Carver said to Alex as they set of after the pups, "Go back home and get Donnic, Anders and Fenris. I ain't letting you near that fucking lot, minx."  
  
Alex narrowed his eyes at him, "He's my fucking friend, Carver. If it's a coven, I'm killing them all, blood mage or no. No-one does that to a fucking friend!"  
  
"Dammit I know alright, but-"  
  
"No, I said I will drown this city in blood. I didn't say who's blood now, did I," Alex smirked back at him.  
  
Carver shook his head running around one of the abandoned mansions, "Maker, we're going to have a serious fucking talk when we get back. Of every fucking kind, minx."  
  
"Your flirting now?" Alex looked at him incredulously, "Good fucking god, I think your the one who needs a talking to."  
  
"Now who's flirting?" Carver chuckled.  
  
Alex just snorted slapping the back of his hand on his shoulder. The pups howled out again up ahead, then started to whine backing around the corner when they got closer. Carver grabbed his partners arm, stopping him from going around there. Both the dogs whined even more, before Carver sent them home. This wasn't just blood magic when he took Alex's hand tight in his, he knows that fucking smell anywhere.  
  
"Necromancy," he ground out peaking around the corner.  
  
Both of them slowly made their way forward to a rather inconspicuous home, tucked away in the dark depths of Hightown. It looked like nothing on the outside, when he put his hand on the door, looked just like a normal small home. The smell of the dead stung his nose when he turned the handle, the dead and blood. This was Faulkner all over again, pushing the door open, this was his fucking first partner all over again when the smell got worse, when the cold air sucked it outside.  
  
"Necromancy, as in raise the dead?" Alex asked quietly beside him.  
  
Carver wrinkled his nose up, "Yes. It's filth beyond fucking filth," he spat, "The perverse kind."  
  
He heard Alex curse wildly under his breath, slipping his daggers free from his thighs. The weak moonlight barely lit inside the small room, but he didn't fucking well want to summon a wisp incase someone was here. Fuck it, he did it anyway, waving his hand to summon a small one.  
  
Sweet Maker, the room lit up showing the blood writing on the walls. Alex walked over to one shaking even more, just as much as he was being this close to memories and filth.  
  
"Ramblings of a madman," Alex looked over his shoulder and pointed with a dagger, "Says he touched the face of the Maker and lived."  
  
"Bullshit," Carver spat.  
  
Alex tilted his head looking back at the writing, tracing the letters with his dagger before stepping back looking at him again, "Carver," he said out quietly, "I think you should read this."  
  
"I'm not reading this fucks lunacy, minx." Carver spat again pushing a door open with his staff.  
  
"Dammit, Carver. Just fucking read it."  
  
Carver shook his head, letting the door go and walked over to where Alex was pointing. He read the ramblings scoffing. Then, his face fell the more he read it. He waved his hand for more wisps to join him, looking over every single piece of writing on the walls, paling even more.  
  
"This lunatic," he swallowed backing away, "has my fucking drunk arse mother. I shouldn't damn well care, but-"  
  
Carver shook his head, pushing every single door open he could find throughout the place until he found a locked door. The smell came heavily from down there, putting his hand over his mouth he kicked the locked door in. Both himself and Alex reeled back at the heavy sick smell of corpses, the dank smell of blood, the bitter tang of dark blood magic going over his tongue and skin.  
  
"Why would this person have Cass?"  
  
Carver rolled his shoulder going into the thick darkness beyond, "They use beings from the fade, use them for their perverse pleasure. Abuse them as much as they abuse the dead. The good ones, ask permission," he took Alex's hand in his and squeezed it, "like my father did. The filthy ones, they take and take and take. Minx love, whatever we find down there, we have to kill it no matter what."  
  
"I, understand," Alex frowned looking into the darkness, "Your, father was a blood mage then?"  
  
"Yes. A good one."  
  
Carver walked further into the darkness, his wisps light getting swallowed up by the clawing thick. No matter what they found, they would deal with it.  
  
It felt never ending the more they walked, felt like things touched him, brushed against his legs, but there was nothing there. The smell didn't abate at all, it just got worse and worse the further they pushed on. It clawed and raked, it snapped and pulled every damn sense he has. His wisps started to flutter out one by fucking one, too afraid to even by near all this fucking filth.  
  
An orange light flickered next to him when the last wisp vanished, lighting Alex's face up with an eerie glow, but still did little to actually show anything around them. Makers fucking tits, whoever this Necromancer was, is a fucking strong one being able to hold all this darkness in place.  
  
The hairs on his arms started to raise, making his stomach want to fall out from his arse, and grabbed Alex's shoulder when he tried to light another match.  
  
"I see we have guests."  
  
Carvers eyes go wide at the voice, the sick twisted voice rattling around every chamber in head, echoing through his bones.  
  
"Oh come now, I knew you'd end up finding me," the voice laughed like a thousand nails raking down a chalking board.  
  
Alex slipped out from his grasp, pointing a dagger into the darkness as he turned around, "You butchered my fucking friend, arsehole. Where's his fucking horns!"  
  
"You mean that Desire of Choice? Pah, a pathetic being. A waste of my time summoning it when it wouldn't do what I wanted it to. Your more then welcome to whats left of it."  
  
Carver shook even more standing there, his staffs crystals ratting against each other, his mind screaming for him to do something. He clamped his eyes shut when he felt a hand under his chin, grasping it firmly turning his head to face the voice purring in his ear.  
  
"Why shake so? I have so much I want to show you. Now do come along," the hand gripped his chin harder, pulling him along like the damn dog he felt again, "Oh, I need light. Of course I do."  
  
Carver screwed his eyes shut tighter at the blinding light around them, he could hear Alex retch behind him, then, he heard him gasp out retching even more.  
  
"What have you done? What the fuck have you done to yourself, Maurevar?"  
  
"Nothing that wasn't mine to have in the first place, Alex. What, you think I actually left with that fucking dwarf? Hardly," Maurevar laughed, "I left him behind, while 'I', continued with my work."  
  
"This, is NOT work, you sick fuck," Alex spat.  
  
His brother lets his face go, then slapped it hard, "And as for you. You should of died down there, but you had to go and stick your filthy damn cock in him. You just had to stay behind and stick it in the fag even more. You disgust me."  
  
"So says the man surrounded by rotten corpses," Alex spat again right next to him. Carver just couldn't move, he couldn't think, he just couldn't breath with how much his brother was controlling him. His mind screamed at him to alert Alex, but it just wouldn't. He just couldn't fucking do anything but stand there like a statue, waiting for his brother to command him to kill his fucking partner.  
  
"Do be quiet, whore," Carver heard a sickening crack against a wall, a pained sound escaped his lips.  
  
"Now, now. I'm sure your little pet fag will be fine," Maurevar grinned wide at him when he stepped in-front of Carvers line of sight, and lets out another pained sound at the state his twin was in.  
  
His eyes, were deep red as he grinned at him. Deep red veins trailed down his face into the black robes he wore. His hair was patchy, lumps were missing throughout it. His skimmed his eyes down, and wanted to scream. Deep gashes etched throughout his brothers arms, the veining traveling down into them and back up again.  
  
Sweet fucking Maker, what the void has his brother done?  
  
"Carv, it'll be fine. Your sick, you know that right? You need to be healed with that sickness running through you," Maurevar took his hand, guiding him away from his slumped partners form laying in a heap on the ground, "Mother even said you were sick. She wanted to call a Brother to heal you, but I said I know just the cure for that."  
  
Carver felt the bile rise up in his mouth when his twin grinned even more, "And I thought I cured you and your sick obsession with men. That little fag laying on the floor, he wont mean anything to you when I'm done. Oh, I almost forgot, do say hello mother."  
  
Oh fucking void...  
  
His mother sat in a chair, wearing the same wedding dress she married father in. Stitches raced over her neck and wrists, different colour skins stitched on to her now pale own. Her eyes were a hollow waste of nothingness looking up at him, her mouth rasped and gargled trying to speak, her black heavy tongue just flopped about hanging out from it. She tried to stand but Maurevar just pushed her back into the chair.  
  
"No mother, stay there. I'll bring tea in a moment. You need to rest as it is, being on your feet all day."  
  
Carver felt bile rise up in his throat as Maurevar pushed him to sit in his own seat, opposite his butchered visage of his mother. One of her hands lifted from the armrest, and snapped at the wrist trying to reach out to him. He felt that same bile come out of his mouth when her head tilted to one side, trying to smile, waving her snapped hand at him. A huge hole sat in the center of her chest were her heart once was, maggots just rolled out of it, tumbling into her lap as she lurched forward trying to get at him. The bile and vomit didn't stop coming out of his mouth, trying to scream.  
  
That wasn't her body the more he stared at it, he recognises the tell tale sign of Fenris' work the more he stares at the hole in her chest.  
  
Maker, what has his brother become?  
  
"Mother, please, your embarrassing me," Maurevar tutted pushing her back, "I know he's been a very bad son. I'll be teaching him his lesson with that queer boy of his. Remember what I did to his other queer friend, Faulkner, yes you do," he cooed brushing her matted hair, "Carvers going to be cured from his sickness, don't worry."  
  
"Carver," his brother tilted his head forcing him to look up into his sickly face, "Mother is very upset with you, and so am I. Uncle Gamlen, would you mind ever so much dealing with the fag over there, I don't want to touch that filth. And prepare the table for me, thank you."  
  
Carver wanted to close his eyes but couldn't, watching the thing that was his uncle shamble past. The top of his head was exposed, the skin pulled down showing the peak of the mans brain twitching as he walked. His grey skin flaking away from his arms and face, looking at him with once again, no eyes in his head, just two black holes boring into his memories.  
  
Another person followed him and vomited down his front again.  
  
Alessa, the damn woman they tried to get away from Gascard, was trailing after his former uncle, her entire skin was flayed from her body all except her face and greying hair, which was pinned back with tacks into her skull. Sweet fucking Maker, his own brother, his own fucking brother was the Lowtown Butcher! And he was stuck here in the fucking chair being controlled by him, Alex was going to fucking die!

_No, please no, we... can't!_  
  
"Brother, please stop," Maurevar pinched his nose and sighed through it, "I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to help them too. I'm freeing them you see, freeing them of their burden they once held on their shoulders. The Maker gave me this gift, I touched his face and embraced it. And you'll both be free of your sick burden too.  
  
I mean, do you really believe that your little pet queer came from else were? I don't think so. Everything he's ever said and done, is a lie brother. All a ruse just to corrupt you, take you away from me and mother."  
  
Maurevar ran his hand over his face and kissed his cheek, "I love you dear brother, I wont let anyone corrupt you any mo- Alessa, thats enough," Maurevar stormed off leaving him sitting there staring at his mothers butchered form.  
  
He tried to move, he tried to wriggle his fingers, his toes, anything, but he couldn't move. The stench of decay rolled his stomach again, the sick feeling of dirty magic etched into his core, sitting there staring at his mother. She tilted her head again putting her broken hand out once more, as she rose stiffly from her seat. Carver let the bile from his stomach fall from his mouth again as she clumsily stroked down his face, her cold skin felt like rasps going over his own.  
  
"Bllrrp pplrrt brttt," Sweet fucking Maker, she sounded like she was cooing at him, but her heavy black tongue just flopped about then fell into his lap when she tried to speak again.  
  
His mind screamed at him again to do something, tears just poured down his face instead when her ankles snapped and fell onto the ground.  
  
He could hear Maurevar's voice somewhere in another room, shouting at Alessa and Gamlen about something, his mother started to crawl on the floor to his brothers voice. The blacken tongue was still in his lap, writhing as much as she was, making his mind scream even more inside his head to free them.  
  
"No hold still little fag," _Oh no, please don't do anything to him, PLEASE!_ "My, my how you've grown. That's quite enou- I SAID- NO, GET OFF ME!"  
  
_Now what was going on?_ Carver tried to struggle against his bonds again as a deep male scream rang though the house of horrors, rang like a bell in his mind. The sickly sound of flesh being torn apart, made what little bile he had rise up again trying to move. _Please, please, please tell me thats not Alex, Oh Maker, PLEASE! We can't- I just fucking can't!_  
  
Maurevar ran back into the room tripping over his mothers crawling body, snapping her neck when he falls on top of her scrabbling to back away. Carver couldn't look away with how paralyzed he was, but the paling of his twins sickly face, the bulging of his red veins and eyes, he was terrified.  
  
"And I... said... don't fuck with..." _ALEX_ his mind screamed at him trying to turn his head, "me, Maurevar. KILL THEM!"  
  
Howls and growls echoed everywhere and no-where around him, ethereal figures jumped on his brother trying to get away kept him pinned down while he screamed. Wolves formed then shifted away, so did the shapes of bears raking their huge claws into Mauri's face. More figures joined them flooding the place, going through the doors he could see and beyond, the sickening sounds of skin being torn and shredded made tears stream down his face more.  
  
"Carver," Alex turned his head towards his, "Can you move?"  
  
He tried to shake his head, but Alex just nodded looking over at Maurevar on the floor pinned and blooded.  
  
"Would you kindly," Alex spoke in a quiet voice to the ethereal figures, "deal with him. Thank you."  
  
Blood trickled down his partners face and neck, keeping his face looking into his, "I'm here. Don't look okay, I'm here."  
  
The sound of bones being crunched made him flinch, and lets out a choked sob moving his fingers stiffly against the arm of the chair. Then he slipped down it, almost onto the floor as his twin was killed, releasing him from the bond and sobbed even harder when Alex grabbed him, pulling him close putting his head on his partners shoulder. Carver shook half in half out of the chair, Alex gripping the back of his head tight, the other hand rubbing up and down his back trying to soothe him.  
  
"I wanted to show you this at a better time," he murmured into his sweat soaked hair, "I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry."  
  
_Why was he saying sorry?_ "Get me out of here," he whispered through his now chapped lips, his throat felt raw when he swallowed, "Maker, just, get us out of here."  


* * *

  
  
As quietly as he could, he pulled the sheets back up over Carvers chest before kissing his cheek. Alex slipped off the bed and made his way out the room, leaving the door ajar, letting the pale candle light seep into the room. He rubbed his stomach making his way through the hallway, then down the stairs.  
  
He needed to eat, but fuck that noise, he just needed some air. Alex turned left going to the patio doors, pulling them open before slipping outside, the cold air hitting his nose breathing it in deeply. His bare feet treaded over the fresh fall, the cold breeze ruffled his black soft cotton house clothes and stood there in the middle of the patio looking up at the sky.  
  
If he believed in this Maker or God, he would be spitting up at the sky because quite frankly, their both fucking cunts. God fucking dammit, he was still mad that Carvers twin turned out to be this fucking butcher. Killing his own mother and uncle, killing the woman Carver took away from this Gascard blood mage while Alex was away. So many bodies were in that little house of horrors, so many butchered corpses used to butcher even more. Pinning them together, Frankensteining the whole lot of them.  
  
Alex closed his eyes with his head still tilted up at the cold clear sky.  
  
He found Cass's horns and rings left on a table when he went back with Donnic, Anders and Merrill, showing them what the sick fuck actually did. Both the mages with him dispelled what filthy magic that was still there, Donnic coming back with more of his guards to retrieve what bodies were left. Taking what they could back to families who were grieving at their lost loved ones, others, they had no idea with how butchered they were.  
  
Alex scrubbed his face when he started to cry, he felt sick all over again trying to scrub what he saw from his mind. God, Carver was in bad shape when he dragged him back, sick was all down his front, both of them smelling of death when they got back to the mansion. He washed his damn partner clean, burnt both their clothes before he put him to bed. Alex laid next to him, holding him as Carver shook in his arms. Neither of them could believe the horror they saw in that place, neither of them.  
  
The patio doors shut, making Alex scrub his face clean of tears when someone stood next to him.  
  
"You'll catch cold, Alex."  
  
Alex just scoffed looking over at his friend, "I think I caught dead rabis from that fucking place. A cold would be preferable."  
  
"Dead rabis? Andraste's bloody sword, you can't catch rabis from- Ugh, get back inside, brat," Anders snorted at him.  
  
"In a minute. Just, need to clear my head a bit," Alex shrugged looking back up at the sky, "How's Cass?"  
  
Anders wrapped his arm around his waist, "Still out for the count, but much better looking now. Maker," Anders rested his head on his arm, "I've never healed something out the fade before. Neither has Merrill. But it bloody worked. His skins looking, um, normal now, back to its pale purple. Seriously Alex, how the fuck are we going to explain to everyone here what the void he is, with that damn tail too?"  
  
"He's a half-breed Qunari. They don't know what the rest of the fucking Qunari look like, do they? Say he got cast out for being a half-breed," Alex squeezed his friend tight, "Simple enough story."  
  
"That... might actually work," Anders snorted again.  
  
"Should bloody well hope so. It's all I got. And besides," Alex narrowed his eyes looking down at the shorter man, "you going to explain what the hell you and Donnic were doing yesterday?"  
  
Anders blushed deep red trying to bury his face in Alex's armpit, then started giggling like a school girl, "It's what it looked like, alright. We're both the same age, and well, both pretty damn lonely. It sort of happened at Satinalia," he giggled again.  
  
Alex kissed the top of his friends blond head, then snorted in it while he laughed himself, "Bout fucking time you got laid, Feathers. One time thing or...?  
  
"Lonely. Alex. Not a one time thing," Anders giggled again in his pit, "I really like him and he really likes me. A chance meeting that put us both on a path? Makers got a fucking sense of humour thats for sure. He said he fancied Aveline before she shot him down."  
  
Alex pulled back from him and grinned, "And now he's got a dinky mage to put in his pocket. Feathers an all."  
  
"Fuck you!"  
  
"Yeah, how about no," Alex giggled tugging on the small ponytail, "So, we've now got Kitty and Snowy coming together," Alex puts his fingers together waggling his eyebrows while they both walked back into the mansion, "You and Chops. Snoopy and the beautiful Bianca. Ahh, it's coming along nicely, my plans working finally!"  
  
Anders raised an eyebrow at him when he shut the doors, "What fucking plan? You don't sodding have a plan, brat. Do you?"  
  
"Just figuring out a seating arrangements for all these wonderful weddings thats going to happen," he grinned, flicking his fringe from his face.  
  
"Andraste's pert tits, brat! I'm the wedding planner, not you," Anders glared at him, putting both his hands on his hips while he cocked them, "Besides," Anders sniffed walking to the kitchen, "You and Carver need to tie the damn knot before the rest of us, sweetie. If only it was plausible though," Anders sighs.  
  
"Oh yeah... fuck the chantry," Alex rolled his eyes as he lent on the island in the kitchen, "Give if a few years first, with a lot of badgering for reforms or some shit. If not,"Alex shrugged, "I'll blow that fucking dogs dinner up so they'll listen."


	24. No Good (Start The Dance).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finally goes to the Black Emporium with Cassidy. Then gets stuck in the depths of Darktown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit 'O' smut happens. (If you don't like the idea of tail play, then... don't read the last part of the chapter.)
> 
> The Prodigy - No Good (Start The Dance) - https://youtu.be/DNOYwYN4YOI  
> Candle in the wind (Goodbye Englands rose) - Elton John - https://youtu.be/OefdqK3jKi0

**9:35 Dragon - Guardian: Wintersend.**  
  
Alex stared at the now empty battery pack, just two left now, and threw it against the wall. Dammit, he was going to loose that one final piece of his home, the last fucking piece that was his old life. There would be no replacing batteries, be no more music that he knows so well, Alex felt a little destitute at it. He knows he was being damn selfish about the whole thing, but fuck, what was he going to do now?  
  
Alex lit a smoke and let it hang from the corner of his mouth as normal, staring at the last two remaining batteries, willing them to breed so he'd have more. And gave up slipping his headphones on putting the batteries in his Walkman.  
  
The music started to play in his ears, and lets it wash over him, lets it move his damn body while he pranced about the empty mansion. Fuck Carver and his bloody possessive bullying right now. This was his time to do something stupid!  
  
He clicked his fingers in time with the beat, slowly starting to bounce on his toes, his head slowly bobbing to the beat. Ash fluttered down on the red rug, but he didn't care while he bounced and snapped his fingers.  
  
"Your no good for me. I don't need no body," Alex muttered jumping up and down on his toes now, "Don't need no-one, thats no good for me."  
  
His arms slowly rise above his head, still clicking his fingers, and just lets loose like he was at a rave. If he was a mage, little balls of fucking lights would be bobbing about in his hands, while he danced like a madman in the main living area.  
  
Alex started singing out loud, the smoke left forgotten when it tumbled out from the side of his mouth onto the floor. He ran into the kitchen, dropping to his knees and skidded across the floor before rising bouncing on his toes again, waving his arms about like he just didn't care.  
  
"Your no good for me-" he started again at the top of his lungs running through to the main room... and tripped right over Cass who was standing there.  
  
"Mother fucking SHIT!"  
  
Cass tilted his head looking at Alex sprawled on the floor, then, started to laugh. His whole entire body shook as Alex glared up at him, trying to untangle himself from the cord that somehow got wrapped around his legs.  
  
"What the bleeding hell, Cass!" he ground out, then gave up untangling himself and laid flat out on the floor while the bloody man was in uproar, doubling over, trying to hold himself up against the wall.  
  
"That," Cass bit his lip before continuing, still laughing, "was very delightful, sweet boy. Do it again!"  
  
Alex grumbled several obscenities under his breath, pointing his finger at him before flopping it back on the floor, "I hate you so much right now. It's not even funny."  
  
"Now, now, no need for that," Cass stuck a hand out, then looked down at the cord wrapped around his legs, "If I knew you were into bondage..."  
  
Alex glared up at him again, "Good fucking god. It's- never mind," he slowly tried to pull a leg out from the tangle.  
  
"I don't know, I think you'd look rather fetching all trussed up," Cass smirked.  
  
Alex flopped back down again, covering his blushing face with his hands and mumbled behind them, "Sweet fuck, why me?"  
  
He felt a pair of hands untangling the cord around his legs, and peaked between his fingers at Cass chuckling at him, shaking his head. His tail pulling the end of the cord from his Walkman and dropped it on the ground, then tapped his chest.  
  
"There, all done sweet boy. Why are you half naked as it is?" the man quirked an eyebrow at his bare chest.  
  
"I thought I was alone, you know," Alex muttered behind his hands blushing even more, "Not like you can talk, Cass. Considering the first time we met, you had hardly any clothes on."  
  
"I still don't," Cass smirked looking down at his own bare chest, "But, I got told walking around almost nude wasn't going to sit well with the mortals here."  
  
Alex snorted flopping his hands from his flushing face, "And the scare you gave Kitty, barreling out the bathroom stark bollock naked. I still don't she's recovered from that little, miss-adventure."  
  
"Wasn't my fault I got startled," now it was the others mans turn to blush profusely, his pale purple skin on his cheeks and chest deepening in colour.  
  
"A CAT!" Alex laughed banging his fists on the floor, "A fucking cat scared the shit outta ya. A bleeding, tiny, itty bitty kitten for fucks sake!"  
  
Cass huffed, folding his arms over his chest, "It scared me. Wasn't funny. I didn't know what it was in that basin thing. Why was it there in the first place?" he huffed again.  
  
"It's going to be Anders," Alex wiped the tears from his eyes sitting upright, "He really wanted a new one after he gave his old one away. Was the safest place for it, guess not."  
  
"Where is that little fiend now?"  
  
"At Kitty's place, safe and sound being weened," Alex patted the mans arm while he chuckled at the glare, "Don't you worry, I wont let a tiny kitten eat you."  
  
Cass narrowed his purple eyes at him, huffing again sitting down fully on the floor, his tail thumping it like a cats would in agitation, "Yes well, thank you," he snarked out, "So you can stop void taking laughing at me now. Little pointy eared fiend, jumping out scaring 'Things.' And you missed me being naked too, made the entire thing worse."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up laughing even harder, wrapping his arms around his chest when it began to hurt. He just couldn't stop laughing, the whole thing was so damn funny and adorable it hurt.  
  
"Says the," Alex wheezed trying to calm down, "one with cute pointy pierced ears. Who's tails thumping on the ground like a cats. OH OH OH," Alex took hold of Cass's shoulders and grinned at him, "Maybe I should you Kitty instead of Merrill!"  
  
Cass narrowed his eyes even more, knocking Alex's hands from his shoulder, "How about no. Are you always this much of an arse? I don't remember you being like this back in the fade, you were more conflicted and hurt then an arse."  
  
"Justice," Alex shrugged sitting back down wiping his face, then sighed heavily shaking his head, "He kept me under apparently. He and neither did I, know what the fuck he was doing. I honestly should of realised when he made the hairs on my arms raise. Snowy even said some of the things he did while he was in Anders, were demon like. Anders even said it should of been impossible for Justice to appear like he did... from... the-"  
  
Alex's eyes go huge shooting up off the floor.  
  
"Sweet boy?"  
  
"Get fucking dressed, we're going to this Black Emporium. I need to see this damn thing for myself."  


* * *

  
  
The cold wind bit through his long leather coat, whipping about his ankles as both him and Cass stood there waiting for the lift to come back up. Good fucking god was it cold when his teeth chattered trying to huddle into his clothes more. Cass, the devilishly handsome man, was just as cold, trying to hunker down in his own long coat. Alex could see his tail try and pull it closed more, even the buckles on his boots rattled as much as his.  
  
"This, is void taken dreadful. Bad enough I was under half of this," he waved a hand about before shoving it back in his pocket, "let alone have more bite at my being."  
  
"Coldest since I've been here, Cass. Worse then anything I know from back home even."  
  
Cass shuddered even more, trying to invade Alex's space as well to keep warm. God fucking dammit, they were already backed into a corner as it was, hardly any more room left for the both of them to huddle together in the freezing storm. Alex sighed taking a hand from his pocket and pulled Cass as close as he could against him. The lift rattled and stuttered coming back up from Darktown, the crank stiffly being turned the higher it went almost squealing out in protest at being moved as much as they were.  
  
"Why am I out in this void taken cold again?"  
  
Alex rolled his eyes pushing him towards the raised lift, "Theres something I need to see in the Black Emporium. I was invited sometime to go and see the place," Alex shut the grate and paid the man a sovereign, "Carver told me not to go. I have to now, Cass."  
  
The crank squealed once more going back down into the dark, the ropes, chains and pulls shook against the wind that picked up and whipped down on them as the lift sunk lower. Alex couldn't of picked a worst day to do this, but he needed to see it for himself. He looked over at the old man piloting the lift down, and puffed out his cheeks, digging around for more gold pieces from his pouch. A small table with a tiny hunk of bread sat on top with now frozen milk in a jug and a bowl with just a few coppers placed inside. Alex just shook his head pulling the pouch out instead.  
  
"You have a family, Serah?"  
  
The man frowned, then nodded his head.  
  
"You live in Darktown?" Alex asked him  
  
"I do, Messere. My entire family live down there," the old man cocked his head turning the crank even more, "Why'd you want to know?"  
  
Alex put a pouch down on the table and tapped it, "There's over a hundred sovereigns in that. Take it, use it, if you don't want it, pass it onto someone who will. And don't call me Messere, I'm Alex Knight, Carver Hawkes partner, and a good friend to Anders the healer."  
  
The old mans eyes go huge almost releasing the handle sputtering, looking at the pouch then back up at him, "Maker, that'll practically feed everyone down there for months, Knight. Thank you, Maker bless you!"  
  
Alex dipped his head and smiled at the man, hunkering back down into his coat once more. He felt something wrap around him from behind, going around his waist as Cass sidled up to him more and bent down to his ear, "Selfless of you, sweet boy. I think you made a lot of people very happy with that act."  
  
"Maybe," Alex murmured looking into deep purple eyes, "Everyone ignores them as much as the fucking elves, or mages who- Shit," Alex snorted running a hand over his head, "I sound just like Anders and Snowy."  
  
Cass smiled nodding his head, "No, your forming your own opinions being here now. Your seeing what most don't. You have a heart of gold under the armour you now have ladened over your skin."  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow then grinned, "Suppose I am. Theres so fucking much I want to do now, so much I can give back. But, in all honesty, I want to do more."  
  
"What kind of more?" Cass titled his head, his black and purple hair tumbled over his shoulders and eye, "Only so much one person can do before they flutter out like a candle in the wind."  
  
Alex blinked a few times at him, remembering a song when Princess Diana died: Candle in the Wind. He remembers it as clear as day when the lift hit the bottom, the tears that rolled down his face at her funeral, hearing the song. Alex shook his head when the grate was open, the old man smiling at him, clasping him on the shoulder thanking him once more. He just smiled again, dipping his head before several people got onto it going back up.  
  
"Did I say something wrong?"  
  
Alex blinked a few times looking up at Cass's worried face and smiled sadly, "No, just an old memory, thats all. But you said nothing wrong."  
  
"I, didn't mean to upset you," Cass looked even more worried when they set off through the barely lit corridor to Upper Darktown, "Looked like a painful memory."  
  
"Kind of. I," Alex sighed taking hold of Cass's arm, "I was just remembering a funeral of my country's Princess. What you said about a candle in the wind? There was a song called just that, when it was played at her funeral. I cried when I heard she died, and cried even more watching the whole damn thing. Stupid I know. God, was just a couple of years before I came here with a bump. She was the peoples Princess, so it really did affect a LOT of people the day she died."  
  
Cass bowed his head slightly as they walked and frowned, "It, actually occurs to me, that I might die here like a mortal would. I can never go back to the fade, or I'll end up like that confused Justice/Vengeance. Would anyone cry if I died? Would any of them I left behind miss me? It wasn't exactly my choice on coming here, thanks to that Necromancer."  
  
Alex looked sideways up at him, gripping his arm tighter, "I know I would. You didn't see how angry I was with how bloody hurt you were," Alex stopped them, putting a hand on Cass's chest when he faced him, "Maurevar fucking abused you for his sick, damn, Necromancy bullshit. Maybe those you left behind miss you already and mourn your loss. If you die, it should be on your damn terms and not some fucking lorry plowing you over or some lunatic mage. No, I would miss you if you died, Cass."  
  
Cass's cheeks flushed again deep purple, dipping his head to try and hide it, "Thank you. And thank you for giving me a new name, even if it's Caress just shortened. I think it suits me a little better then that or Desire of Choice or thing. But," Cass blushed even more when he looked back at Alex, "thank you, sweet boy, for your honesty."  
  
"Actually Cass is short for Cassidy. I kinda liked the name when I first heard it years ago. And fuck sake, your not a 'Thing!'"  
  
The other mans blush went down his neck under his coat again, dipping his head, "Oh."  
  
Alex smiled shaking his head slightly, hooking his arm through the other mans again and sets off again. He dug around in his coat pocket for a smoke and the map to where this damn place was. He took a long drag when he lit it, and sighed out looking at the map again. Turn this way, look for that, twirl around twice and skip to grandma's house bullshit was written on it, what the hell was wrong with this sodding proprietor? Alex shook his head, shoving it back into his pocket, he'll just bang on the door.  
  
God, was it just as cold down here as up there. Like, more so with the huge open windows in the Upper Darktown, and they needed to go to Midlevel. Alex shivered looking at all the cold and hungry faces when they strolled passed, everyone smiling and waving at him then go wide eyes at the man he had arms linked with. He could hear the words 'Qunari,' being said around him, as well as, 'No Tal-Vashoth,' and 'Half-breed.' Well, looks like he and Anders didn't need to spread that little rumour around down here, but Lowtown and Hightown, they would have to.  
  
"You know," Alex flicked the ash of his smoke with his tongue looking up at Cass and cocked his head, "you never did say what kind of more you wanted to do, sweet boy."  
  
"A lot. I mean, I want to start writing books like Snoopy does, illustrate them. Write the stories I know from back home and bring them here. Then theres the Alienage, who need a lot of damn help with everyone ignoring them. Plus," Alex shrugged, "I want to delve more into rogue shit. I have a long list, Cass."  
  
"Why are you so more different then other mortals?" Cass asked him, then smiled, "See theres that heart of gold again."  
  
Alex shrugged again going down the steps to Midlevel, "Maybe. I'm only twenty for fucks sake, got a life ahead of me again and I wanna do it kinda right this time. Oh... shit," Alex slammed his hand over his eyes, "I'm going to be bloody twenty-one soon. Ugh."  
  
"Pah, age is nothing but a number that comes only once. Or in your case," Cass chuckled, "twice! If your going to ask how old I am, I can tell you now," Cass narrowed his eyes at Alex "I'm not very old. That Justice, was over two hundred as it was. A lot older then me."  
  
"Yeah... and? How old are you then?"  
  
Cass blushed deeply again looking away when they reached another set of steps, "It's embarrassing."  
  
"Cass, are you older or younger then me? I mean here not- you know what I mean."  
  
"I call you sweet boy, and here I am a boy myself in fade terms," Cass sighed shaking his head, "I, I'm a little older then you, Alex. I really am a child in my world compared to some. Why I am both a Desire and a Choice. Because quite frankly," Cass frowned looking back at him, "I didn't want to be one or the other. I chose to look the way I do and always will do. I just couldn't stand the idea of being one void taken thing."  
  
Alex nodded pointing past the steps, "Cass, it doesn't bother me, alright. You could of told me you were a few thousand years old, and I wouldn't care. Your a friend, as much as every other fucking one I have."  
  
They both set off down another darkened corridor, the little orange lights flickering as the wind howled through Midlevel. Stone gave way to wood the further they walked in silence, but questions now ran around Alex's head, looking sideways up at Cass again. He looked him over from head to toe and back up again, then blushed looking away when Cass looked back at him blushing just as much. Good fucking god, was this seriously happening to him, AGAIN!  
  
He brushed the silver torque against his wrist, running his fingers over it thinking again. If apparently spirits were immortal left in the fade, how the fuck did they know how old they were in the first place? Maybe they knew the moment the were born? No Justice said they were created. But they had to have been born in a sense, right? Ugh, this was just confusing him even more now.  
  
A huge heavy door came into view ahead of them, surrounded by what looked like dancing candles. Each one dimmed then flickered back into life again, dancing around the edge of the huge door.  
  
"I guess this is the Black Emporium you've been looking for. I've never seen wisps used like that before," Cass chuckled waving at the candles.  
  
Alex tilted his head at the looking over the words etched on the heavy thing, running his fingers gently over them, then heard a click as it opened wide. He stepped back a few when a huge rock man peaked around the door, huffed a sigh that sounded like a rock slide and waved them both in.  
  
Alex was in awe stepping around the rock man, looking him over and smiled walking passed over a nicely polished wooden floor. Something, he noted, was sitting inside a glass case in a very high backed chair, books were scattered around the legs, a large one was in-  
  
"Ahhhhhh, finally," Alex's eyes go huge at the mummified man sitting in the chair talking to him with a dusty voice, "you've decided to come, Alexandria! Oh, Thaddeus, do shut the door my dear golem. Your letting the cold in."  
  
"Well your nothing but a bag of bones," Cass pressed his nose up to the glass the mummy was sitting behind, "How in the void are you still talking?"  
  
The dusty voice just laughed, but the body didn't move at all. Alex felt nothing bad go over his skin, didn't feel blood magic or demons, just, one sorry sad sack of bones sitting in a chair with many arms and legs splayed everywhere.  
  
"Its a long story, one I have no desire to regal to you, spirit. Alexandria, what took you so long?"  
  
Alex blinked a few times trying to form words, then squeaked as a small boy darted past with a cleaning cloth, wiping the glass where Cass had his nose pressed against.  
  
"I," he swallowed watching the boy dart off again, "I was told not to come down here."  
  
"But yet, here you are. Curiosity no doubt," the mummy went back to laughing again.  
  
"No, well yes, but no. You have a mirror here that can change someones appearance, right?" Alex asked him over the laughing.  
  
Everything went quiet around them, the only sounds were both Cass and him breathing looking at each other, perplexed.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"No what?" Alex walked up the set of steps to the mummy.  
  
"You can look, but DO NOT TOUCH! Not after last time when that MAGE broke it! Thaddeus, watch them, make sure," the mummy barked a cough, "they don't touch," it croaked out.  
  
The rock man tapped Alex on his shoulder and motioned with his head for them to follow. There were just so many things in this place, hung up from the rafters, scattered on the floor, piled one on-top of each other as Alex looked about himself. Swords, armour, knives, trinkets, books, absolutely everything he could even think of was in this place. It all hummed like a fluorescent light about to pop over head, magic flittered and danced of his skin, but not one thing felt evil, not one thing.  
  
"There," Thaddeus rumbled, "No touch."  
  
A tall three paneled mirror stood in one dark corner, a huge crack ran up the center glass. Alex walked a little closer cocking his head looking over the mirror, he just couldn't see a reflection at all the closer he got.  
  
"Sweet boy, I wouldn't," Cass mumbled behind him, "You may not feel it, but I do."  
  
Alex looked over his shoulder at the other man, "Feel what? I don't feel shi-"  
  
"It hums with magic, yes, but its broken magic. What did that void taken mage do?" Cass peered around Alex then scoffs, "I don't want to look like that you stupid mirror."  
  
Alex frowned even more looking into the mirror, not seeing a damn thing look back at him. Cass was huffing a sigh behind him then stepped in his line of sight, now he could see the damn reflection looking back at him. Cass had pale grey skin instead of pale purple, his eyes were pale blue and no tail, his hair was pure black tumbling over his shoulder. Looked like the Qunari quite frankly now, cept more bulky and less defined. Alex shook his head squinting his eyes looking into the other side of the crack, and gave up.  
  
"Why doesn't it show my bloody reflection?"  
  
The mummy coughed a scoffing laugh, "You died, remember. Your already one," it coughed again, sounded like it was coughing up a shriveled lung really, "wont show what your already are and meant to be. Pah, idiot child."  
  
"Ahh shove a sock in it," Alex barked looking over the mirror again, shaking his head while Cass hid a laugh behind his hand, "You too, pretty boy. Fucking hell, this makes no sense then. If he let a piece of stray magic go, how the fuck did Justice happen?"  
  
Cass looked in both sides of the broken mirror and shrugged, "I honestly don't know. This thing is broken beyond repair anyway now. Even if I, or anyone else were to use it, I don't think it would work as intended. Bag of bones, where did you get this mirror anyway?"  
  
"XENON! The name is Xenon, use it spirit. As to where," Xenon hacked up a lung again before continuing, "As to where I found the mirror, it was sitting unused in old elven ruins a long time ago. And now," the mummy sighs mournfully, "it's broken. Now leave, I need my bath!"  
  
Alex sighed deeply taking Cass's arm again, and left the Emporium with more questions then fucking answers now. It still didn't answer how Justice happened at all, still didn't answer how Anders stray magic even did that. Yes, he knows all about what he and the other spirit talked about, distorted reflections and the likes, but still didn't answer the damn question of how.  
  
None of it made any sense when they made their way to the steps, then again, he still didn't know a lot of shit here as it was. Alex just wished there was more information on what the mirror actually does, besides changes ones appearance. Anders was still Anders according to everyone, but yet, they never knew him before coming here. Neither he or Justice remembers who made the deal in the first place, or what was happening half the time when they were joined. What if- What if, thats not Anders at all? What if, the Justice in the fade is Anders and the one here is Justice?  
  
No, no, he was just confusing himself again with the nonsense rattling around in his head. Justice knew how to fuck,as it was, memories he said. But... what if they weren't and he doesn't know? What if Anders was lying about the whole thing and fucked up a spell instead? What if something else happened at the same time? Ugh, this was getting him no-where fast.  
  
Cass tugged on his arm, "Your very quiet."  
  
"Sorry, thinking about all this. Just, doesn't make any sense at all," Alex sighed out again, "Too many whats ifs and not enough answers to go along with it all."  
  
"Then stop thinking about it for now. If theres no answer, there might not be one, sweet boy."  
  
Alex looked up at Cass and nodded slowly, "Might be right. Ugh, we need to get back before-"  
  
Both of them stop looking up at the Upper Darktown stairs, filled in with snow. Well, that was just fucking perfect! How the fuck were they going to get out now? Alex slumped his shoulders looking at it all, pulling his coat around him more as he shivered, Cass doing the same thing. Carvers going to kill him coming down here.  
  
"Well thats just wonderful. Now what are we going to do?" Cass kicked at the packed in snow, "Is there another way out?"  
  
Alex rummaged around in his pocket for the map, looking over the thing and slumped his shoulders even more, "If there is, its not marked. Son of a bitch. We're going to have to find some place to hunker down for the night."  
  
"I did see an abandoned house, or room, or something or other back that way," Cass pointed behind them, "Think we can make that ours for the night?"  
  
"Better then nothing."  


* * *

  
  
Alex flicked his ash into the fire, staring into the orange licking flames. They managed to find enough wood to last till morning, and thank fuck there was a paned window in Midlevel to look out of. Of all the times to be snowed in, had to be snowed in down in the depths on Darktown. But at least he had someone to keep him company, even if Cass was picking at his clothes sighing out loud.  
  
"What the fuck now, Cass?" Alex whined.  
  
He looked up at Alex, wrinkling his nose up, "I hate wearing this much clothing! Rides up in places even 'I' didn't know I had."  
  
"Then take them all off if its bothering you."  
  
"Sweet boy, thats just asking for trouble," Cass snickered, "and you know it. Besides, I do like the boots."  
  
Cass then waggles his thigh high booted foot about, and laughs.  
  
Alex shook his head, chuckling himself, going back to looking into the fire. He wrapped his arms around his knees when he drew them up blowing out smoke from the side of his mouth, not even hearing Cass move then sit behind him, until his roll-up was pulled out of his mouth with the other mans tail.  
  
"What the-" Alex looked over his shoulder, then smirked at Cass taking a drag from it, "If you really wanted one, should of just sodding asked instead of stealing mine."  
  
"Yes well, this one was already lit," Cass smirked back, "Been a while since I indulged in this activity. Kind of missed it quiet frankly."  
  
Alex looked over his shoulder again, "And what else have you missed indulging in?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
"A lot of things, sweet boy. I told you before, I never did sexual favours like other Desires," Cass shrugged passing the smoke back to him, "I imbibed too, when I felt like it. Even read books when I got bored, which was void taken often. Then you came along, stumbling around like a lost nug, and the rest of the story you know."  
  
"Yeah but, isn't all that stuff, fake?"  
  
Cass frowned a little tilting his head, "I suppose it is. Felt real enough to me though. We all watched mortals dreams, some mimicked them, some wanted more."  
  
"And what did you want?" Alex then squeaked when Cass pulled him backwards against him.  
  
"A choice on what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. Didn't exactly go that way now, did it. Not with Carvers void taken brother," he sighed wrapping his arms around Alex's waist.  
  
Alex nodded throwing the end of the smoke into the fire, "Okay, riddle me this: If spirits are formed in the fade, does the fade give birth to you? Are you babies running around till your assigned to some ideal, or are you already fully formed with the ideals imprinted on you?"  
  
"That, is a very good question. Some spirits are formed, shaped within the fade, their ideals are formed from that. Some, I suppose were something else, their ideals so strong they become a spirit instead. Then you come to the angry and twisted ones, well," Cass lays his head on Alex's shoulder, his tail wrapping around his leg, "you know all about them."  
  
"And what about you? Are you full spirit or what? How the fuck do spirits know how old they are too," Alex wrinkled his brow watching Cass's tail stroke his thigh affectionately, "Now what are you doing?"  
  
"Sorry, habit. But as to how we know how old we are, thats easy," Cass sighed against his neck, Alex began to feel himself get hard with it, "We all know. There are a LOT of ancient spirits and twisted within the fade, sweet boy, and one most of all, likes to keep an eye on us. Wisdom, she's one of the elder ones there, well before a lot of us were created. Even I don't know how old she is."  
  
Alex swallowed deeply pushing his head back against Cass more, his cock getting harder and harder the longer this went on.  
  
"I thought," he swallowed thickly, "I thought theres no genders within the fade."  
  
"Theres not to a degree. Some chose to do so, like myself did. Wisdom chose to be female, a kindly looking older woman that mortals could relate to, if they ever sort her out," Cass shifted behind him and loosened his hold on him huffing in his ear, "Are you, are you getting aroused? Void, I'm sorry!"  
  
Alex nodded his head against Cassidy, "Very. I'll," he swallowed thickly again, "I'll go over there, kay."  
  
"No, no, I'll move. I," Cass got up swiftly while he adjusted himself when he thought Alex wasn't looking, "I, I'm so sorry."  
  
"I think I have a serious problem," Alex muttered flopping on his back onto his leather coat under him, "A fucking stupidly serious problem."  
  
He could hear Cassidy shuffle about from the other side of the fire, and clamped his eyes shut as he crossed his arms over his face. But the damn ache in his groin didn't abate one bit as he tried to sleep. He didn't think it was Cass doing it, considering when he peaked, the other man was curled up into a ball under his own coat. Alex groaned and shoved his hand down his pants when he slackened the laces, as quietly as he could he pulled himself out of his leathers.  
  
He swiped his thumb over the tip of his head, and groaned into the arm over his mouth, gently biting it so he didn't wake Cass up. He could feel the tell tale signs on pre-cum when he did it again, slowly moving his hips into his hand. Alex bit his arm harder the faster he jerked himself off, practically arching his hips off the ground when he drew his knees up, his feet holding on to his balance the more he fisted himself. He tried to think of Carver, thinking of them two laying in bed fucking. But ended up flinching at the thought instead.  
  
What he wouldn't do to be fucked at the same time right now, and groaned loud in his arm at the thought, biting it even harder to the point he could taste copper. He was just so bloody horny it was sickening, the slick sound of his hand on his cock sound so loud in his ears, his arousal stinging his nose the more he brought himself off. But fuck, it wasn't enough when he growled and slipped two fingers in his mouth and pushed his tongue down. He tried to think of the bawdy things Izzy spoke to him about, what Anders said.  
  
It. Wasn't. Happening when he whined getting cramp in his hand and gave up flopping his hand away from his cock, putting his arms back over his face again in frustration. Alex shuddered when something went down his stomach gently sliding in to his pants, right down to the cleft of his arse. He pulled his arms away and blinked at Cassidy laying down next to him with a worried look on his face.  
  
"If you don't want this, tell me now and I'll leave you alone."  
  
Alex sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, searching Cass's eyes at the gentleness in his voice, he nodded closing his eyes again. Soft butterfly kisses were pressed against the side of his face as Cass's tail slowly slipped inside him, his hand wrapping around his cock and as gently as the man could, he started to jerk Alex off. He lets out a soft moan arching his neck slightly, this, is exactly what he wants. Cassidy kissed down the side of his face to his neck, his tail stimulating him like a cock would, his hand was fucking perfect on him trying to bring him off, and groaned loud arching his hips off the floor.  
  
"How far do you wish for me to go, sweet boy," Cass murmured against his neck before licking to his chin, "I wont do anything you don't want. I promise you that."  
  
Alex swallowed around the thickness in his throat, "What, what about you?"  
  
"It's not about me right now, it's about you. How far?"  
  
"This, this is enough," Alex muttered pulling his legs up again and arched his entire back off the floor, panting harshly through his teeth when he grit them.  
  
Cassidy traced his tongue down Alex's tattoos on his chin, down to the top of his shirt, then back up again, his hand still working him gently. His tail on the other hand pushed further inside of Alex, making him pant out even more screwing his eyes shut even tighter. One of his hands found his way into Cass's utterly soft hair, the other pulling his pants over his backside so he could try and spread his legs more.  
  
Soft warm lips pressed against his earned a gasp from Alex, then moaned into it when the tail went a little faster inside him, the hand speeding up a bit more. Cassidy's soft warm tongue slipped into his mouth when he parted them, and moaned even more at the taste of him. Sweet not too far different then himself, when they slicked their tongues together, Cassidy being more dominate against his. Alex grips the others hair more grinding his hips up into the hand and back down onto the tail, his other hand fisting his leather coat under him. His mind was swimming at the onslaught, but fucking hell, was it good.  
  
Cass pushed his tongue deeper into his mouth, the man groaned hard into it as he did so pushing himself closer to Alex's side, to which he could feel Cass's bulge as hard as he fucking was. He pulled back as much as he could from the kiss panting hard looking into Cass's eyes, the other man's pupils were blown wide panting just as much. Alex moaned behind his teeth arching his back more, the tail inside him started to hit that sweet spot, making stars dance across his eyes his whole body tightening with how close he was.  
  
"Oh god," he groaned, "Oh, oh fucking god!"  
  
Alex almost screamed when Cass puts his mouth on him when he came, taking everything down. His wicked warm tongue licking wide stripes up his cock, cleaning him free of his own spend, slowly pulling his tail free which just made Alex whine out loud at the loss. He felt his pants being tugged upward and frowned looking at Cassidy, then took both his hands in his own.  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"It wasn't about me, sweet boy. I told you that," Cass smiled sadly at him, "You should be able to sleep now."  
  
Alex grabbed his hands again when he went to move, "No, thats not fair!"  
  
"I," Cassidy looked away his hair tumbling over his shoulder when he lowered his head, "It's fine."  
  
"No, it's not," Alex whispered brushing the long hair out the way, "Just, lay here then, with me instead of going over there."  
  
Cass slowly looked back over his shoulder cocking his head slightly, then smiled softly, "Okay. Why are you so nice to me?"  
  
"Because I'm nice to all the people who I give a shit about, Cass. Damn," Alex tied his laces closed then grunted when a head pushed hard against his chest, Cassidy practically wrapping his entire self around him, "I, feel bad now for all that."  
  
"It's fine," the man sighed tilting his head up to look at Alex, "I wanted to do it. I have freewill now to do what I like, within reason," he chuckled then sighed again, "And I wanted to do it for you, sweet boy. Your unlike any mortal I've ever known. You looked out for me in the fade when I guess your friends would of killed me. You took care of me, with your friends, and never turned me away. And in truth, even with what Carvers brother did to me, what others have tried to do and done, I'm glad to be here with someone who's not going to hurt me again."  
  
Alex felt his heart clench at that, looking down at the former Desire of Choice snuggling up tight to him, height not withstanding, then clamped his eyes shut tight so he didn't let the tears that threatened loose.  
  
"Never again," he murmured quietly into the dark, "never again."


	25. Until It Sleeps.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Cassidy get out of Darktown. But not with out rippling repercussions thats going to leave a lasting effect on everyone around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight warning - Mentions of abusive relationship ahead.
> 
> Metallica - Until It Sleeps - https://youtu.be/UnWz59xz8Pc

**9:35 Dragon - Guardian: Wintersend.**  
  
The snow pack was still there when they woke up, both of them were wrapped around each other with Alex nested against Cassidy's chest. He didn't want to be reminded of what he and Justice did together, but in reality, this was nothing like it at all. And how the fuck was he going to explain to Carver what they were dong down there, and then spending the night together? Bad enough both of them been fighting on and off as it is.  
  
Alex shook his head moving more snow out the way, maybe he shouldn't. But fuck, he didn't want this to be a dirty little secret and Carver didn't really like Cassidy as it is, being under the same roof with them. Fucking shit balls, this, was going to be a flying pile of flaming dog shit when they got out.  
  
Bad enough, Alex shoved snow out the way, they both kissed when they woke up. And not a friendly, see you later luv peck on the cheek, kiss. A full on, sticking their tongues down each others throat while they both carded hands through other others hair, kiss. Alex was in serious trouble when he enjoyed that more then what he and Carver does. Serious. Fucking. Trouble. Considering their both kind of engaged to each other.  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up in frustration, throwing the snow against the wall.  
  
"What ever is the matter?"  
  
Alex huffed kicking at the snow pack, "Every fucking thing. How the fuck are we going to explain this to bloody Carver?"  
  
"Do, you regret it?" Cass looked at him pained.  
  
"No," he ran a hand through his hair, tucking his fringe behind his ear resuming his work again, "Thats the thing. I don't. What the fucks wrong with me?" he ended up whining when he fell face first into the snow.  
  
Alex felt like a petulant child when a pair of hands lifted him out the snow, putting him to oneside against the wall. Cassidy took hold of his face tilting it upward, his tail brushing the snow from his now bloody numb face.  
  
"How about we just try and get out of here first, then deal with all that later, hmm," Cass smiled sadly at him before he lets his face go and goes back to moving snow out the way.  
  
Alex grits his teeth, pulling out a smoke sharply from his pocket and lit it, going back to work again. Everything thats ever happened since being here, rolled around his head again. He wasn't conflicted, or hurt, or lost any more, he was forging his own path here now. But yet, there were just so many things he still needed to figure out, to learn, to even understand. And the fact, once again, a former spirit from the fade was slowly worming his way into Alex's heart. No, nothing like Justice at all. Nothing like Carver either right now.  
  
_No, think about Izzy being let out soon, think about Kitty's delicious cakes she bakes. Think about Trouble and Major. Think about how angry Carvers going to be when he finds out. Fuck._  
  
Alex slumped his shoulders pushing more snow down the steps. Maybe he should of just said no to Carver when he slipped the torque around his wrist, maybe they should of just stayed friends or something. He loved Carver yes, they used to have fantastic sex, even with the argument's recently, even if it got far too dominant for Alex's liking at times. But maybe it was far too soon.  
  
Maybe he should of just waited a few more years before even deciding that any of this, was a good idea. He's twenty for fucks sake, coming up to his second year of being here.  
  
"Sweet boy, I hear voices," Cassidy shook him out of his self deprecation, cocking his head at the muffled sound.  
  
Alex slowly began to grin, "Darktowners. Their digging their own way down here."  
  
Cass grins back at him, both of them moving snow away as fast as they could with little sleep, and lack of food. But fuck, he could talk considering the people here have less. The voices got louder and louder, things that sounded like wood or shovels hit the snow pack, scooping it out the way. Then Alex looked over his shoulder behind him, where's the Midlevel lot? Neither of them had seen one since being down here. Nor any of the Lowlevelers.  
  
"Is that," Cass raises an eyebrow, "is that the petite mage I can hear?"  
  
Alex snorted, "Petite mage. Yeah I can hear Anders barking, and," his face dropped a little, "Carver."  
  
"IF YOU CAN HEAR US," Cassidy shouted, "IT'S CASS AND ALEX. WE'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE DIGGING OUR OWN WAY OUT!"  
  
Everything went deathly quiet, which just made Alex swallow loudly tossing his now burnt out smoke away. Then-  
  
"STEP BACK!"  
  
They both look at each and frown, then, saw the snow glow slightly. Heat was starting to melt it, the water running down the steps. They barely got out the way when it practically flooded past them with a whoosh. Alex had his face covered from the cold water and the heat trying to hit it. Then heard several pairs of feet hit the steps hard, several voices shouting running past them to Midlevel.  
  
"Sweet Andraste's knickers, brat. What in the void are you doing down here?"  
  
Alex peaked between his fingers at Anders looking at both of them with wide eyes, "Went down the Black Emporium yesterday, then got caught behind that lot," he waved his hand at the now melted snow.  
  
"I thought I told you not to go there, Alex?" Carver looked at both of them from the top of the steps, glaring at him with his arms folded over his chest, "What possessed you to even fucking well come down here, with HIM!"  
  
"I needed to bloody well see the mirror for myself," Alex muttered shaking his head backing away slightly, "And before you say it, I couldn't of picked a worse time to do it. I know, I know."  
  
Anders grabbed his hands pushing his healing into him, "I suppose you didn't hear the collapse then?"  
  
"What collapse?"  
  
"Upper Darktown is partially collapsed in with the heavy snow. Mid and Lower, Maker, no-one's heard a damn thing from them when it collapsed down."  
  
Alex's eyes go huge looking down the steps, "Holt shit. Theres so many down there. We didn't hear a thing, just, came face to face with the snow pack!"  
  
"I know. Why all of us are down here trying to help them all out. We had no idea where you went, brat," Anders tilted his head when he reached up and sighed, "Your lucky your alive. Both of you."  
  
Carver pushed Anders out the way grabbing Alex by the chin, hard. He had flash backs go through his mind of Justice doing it to him, of Maurevar doing it to Carver, then started to flinch at it when the man sneered in his face.  
  
"You still didn't answer my question," Carver hissed gripping it even harder, "Why are you down here, with him?"  
  
"He was the only one in the mansion at the time," Alex swallowed trying to back away, but Carver held firm with his other hand too, "I didn't want to come down here on my own. And his damn names Cassidy."  
  
"I don't fucking care what ITS name is. Makers fucking breath, I'll deal with you later," he hissed again in his ear, "Go home, get bathed and fed. Then we're going to have a long fucking talk when I get back."  
  
Cass yanked Carvers hands away from his face and arm glaring at him, "You were hurting him. Couldn't you see he didn't like it?"  
  
"And you," Carver growled, "You stay the fuck away from him, understand. He's not yours to-"  
  
Alex pushed past Carver, taking Cass's hand in his, "Let's just get out of here. Is the lift still working, Anders?"  
  
"No, its frozen solid. I'll show you another way out, brat."  


* * *

  
  
**9:35 Dragon - Guardian/Drakonis.**  
  
Alex slumped down in his usual seat next to Varric, pulling his mug of mead over to him and sighed heavily. Three bloody weeks since the Darktown collapse, three bloody weeks and their still pulling people from the lower levels out. Three bloody weeks, and the Hightown and the fucking Chantry still did NOTHING to help any of them.  
  
Alex was so mad when he stormed up to this so called Grand Cleric calling her every name under the sun for sitting on her arse, not doing a damn thing to help all those fucking people lost down there. None of the other Brothers and Sister helped either, but Sebastian Vael did. And didn't that make his eyebrows fly up into his hairline at the former Prince helping them all out for the past few weeks. Without his damn ugly armour on too.  
  
The man was sitting opposite Alex now, pulling a small cup of wine over running a hand through his hair at the same, sighing as much as he was.  
  
Alex wanted to put him in the same box as those Chantry cunts, but he was nothing like them. And he definitely wasn't the one with the demon in him either. So were none of the others in that fucking place. But still...  
  
"Alex, thank you. Don't think I could of done what ye had done today, friend," Sebastian smiled at him with white flashing teeth.  
  
"God, I didn't think I could do it either," Alex shuddered trying not to remember pulling body after body of people from Lowlevel, "But we did it. Hope it's the last of them, Seb."  
  
Sebastian heaved another sigh nodding, "Aye, so do I. So many lost and for what? Nothing. We still have a lot more work to do, friend."  
  
"I know. Dunno how anyones going to go back living down there any more," Alex wrinkled his nose up swilling his mead around in his mug, "And with Lowtown still trying to recover from the Qunari too? This whole things a fucking mess."  
  
"Sweet boy, they will find a way to live," Cassidy cocked his head at him, "And I know full well your going to do something about it. I can see it on your face."  
  
Alex blushed a little taking a huge gulp of his drink down, then grinned behind his mug, "Maybe. Theres all those abandoned buildings up in Hightown, a whole load in Lowtown. I think I have an idea or fifty."  
  
"Heart of gold, shining through again," Cass laughed, "See Prince, THATS what a good kind citizen does. They find a way to help those worse off then fleas on nugs."  
  
Sebastian smiled wide, nodding his head in agreement, "Aye, they do. Knight by name, Knight by nature."  
  
Alex blushed even more, slumping down further into his seat. If anyone calls him a Knight in shining armour, he's just going to leave, then giggle into his pillow. Not before he pouts like a child first at the name.  
  
A raucous roar of Champion rang out in the main pub, Alex slumped further down in his seat drinking everything left in his mug before pulling his second one over. The door to Varric's room slammed open, letting all the sounds in from below, then slammed shut as Carver stomped in. Three more bloody weeks they've been arguing too. None fucking stop. From when they woke up, till Alex collapsed in his old bed with exhaustion from all the hard work he's been doing.  
  
Trouble and Major hated being near him now too, especially when he went all out in a screaming match at Alex. Scared him stupid that day when he thought Carver was going to hit him, ended up running out with the dogs to Anders clinic to hide.  
  
"So, how's the clean up going," Carver asked them all around the table, Varric rolling his eyes when he sits down too.  
  
"We're almost done. Not much we can do now other then try and board up as best we can, Hawke," Sebastian tried to smile then gave up looking back down into his cup, "Elthina said if it's the Makers will, then so be it. Me, I wasn't exactly happy to hear that."  
  
Alex slammed his hands down on the table and pushed upright into his seat, "Seriously? God fucking dammit. So she's still not going to do anything?"  
  
"I'm afraid not. Tis why I'm now free of my vows, because I canne abide to that kind of thinking," Sebastian shrugged, "I did what I could after you stormed off again. She, doesn't like you very much by the way, friend."  
  
"Oh really," Alex snarked, "Because I called her out?"  
  
Sebastian blushed deep crimson and shook his head, "No, not just that. Because your open about your relationship's with, um, men."  
  
Varric slammed his book shut, slipping his glasses down his nose, "Maferaths balls, thats a bit below the belt, ain't it?"  
  
"Unfortunately, yes. I still canne wrap my head around what actually happened to you, friend," Sebastian quirked an eyebrow, "But if it's the Makers will that you be here, then who am I, or she, to deny that will? Regardless of what your proclivities are. Then again she was the same way with me also, when she found out what I did whenst I was younger."  
  
Alex slowly banged his head on the table at the whole thing. Was she seriously that backwards she can't look forward? Maurevar was the same way about his brothers love for men. But to do that, when all he wanted was help for Darktown? Pah, no wonder the bitch and her fucking flock didn't want to help.  
  
"Fine, then I'll do it MY way," Alex muttered from the table.  
  
"No you fucking wont, Alex," Carver spat, "Your going home and you stay the fuck put. You've done enough."  
  
He lifted his head from the table and glared at Carver, who was glaring back at him just as much. Alex slowly shook his head at the man pushed away from the table and stormed out Varric's room in a huff.  
  
"Where'd you think your going?"  
  
"I'm going home, Carver," Alex spat pulling his arm free when he grabbed it, "Isn't that what you want?"  
  
"Take your filthy pet with you too," Carver growled in his face.  
  
Alex pulled his fist back and clocked Carver in the jaw, the man stumbled backwards falling back into Varric's room in a heap, "He's not a fucking pet, you arsehole. I've had it up to here with your god damn bullshit Carver!"  
  
Alex looked down at the torque ripping it from his wrist, "And I'm not your god damn pet either, so you fuck right off with that shit too," then dropped it on the floor by his feet before turning on his heel, leaving the room with Cassidy in tow.  
  
Both of them stormed through the market, Alex seethed in anger at Carver and his god damn stunts he's been pulling recently with him. He's never been more angry in his  life running up the Hightown steps. All because Alex went down to the Black Emporium without him, all because he took Cass with him too.  Still didn't give Carver the right to treat him this way.  
  
But then Carver thought he OWNED Alex with his bloody possessiveness these past few months was just unreal.  
  
"What will you do now," Cass asked him quietly, "Where will you go?"  
  
Alex rummaged around in his pocket for the mansion key, "Buy my own place like I wanted to ages ago. Take Trouble, Major and everything I own in there, and put it in my new fucking place, Cass."  
  
"What about me?" he asked even more quieter.  
  
"Your coming with me too. I'm not leaving you there with him," Alex stopped his quick pace and sighed through his nose, "Ever since Maurevar, he's been so much more quick to anger. You think I'm gonna wait around till he takes that shit out on me fully?"  
  
Cassidy put his hands on Alex's shoulders and squeezed them tight, "No. Doesn't help that I'm adding to it too. I'm... sorry."  
  
"God no. Wasn't your fault Maurevar summoned you," Alex furrowed his brow looking up, "I guess you don't know someone till you know them. Fuck, I should of known all that bullshit from the first time. I thought Carver was different, why I liked him. But this, anger," Alex shook his head looking down, "all these argument's, it hurts."  
  
Cass brought him in close, wrapping his arms around Alex's shoulders as he started to feel tears roll down his face. Why? Why does this keep happening to him? Why?  
  
A loud roar echoed everywhere around them making Alex flinch hard at the sound, the hairs on his arms raising. Oh sweet fuck, he knows that roar when he pulls back. Cass looked down at him as wide eyed as he was, they both looked over at one of the Lowtown steps. A flash of bright blue flickered down there over everything, followed more roaring. Then-  
  
-Nothing but silence.  
  
"Vengeance," Cass whispered.  
  
"I know," he whispered back.  
  
They both walked slowly back to the steps, holding each others hand. Nobles around them just as scared when they fled going home, servants standing there with dropped goods on the ground, too frightened to even move. Then, they heard the first sounds of screaming coming up from Lowtown. Holy shit, was Vengeance killing people down there? How the fuck did he get out the damn fade?  
  
Alex shook hard in Cass's hand, the smell and taste of lightening rolling across his tongue like a forgotten caress, making everything he had to eat slowly rise up in his throat.  
  
Someone was bounding up the steps towards them, glowing. Alex felt his stomach plummet into the ground when it got closer. Cassidy slowly edging to stand in-front of him, pulling his great-sword from his back.  
  
"ALEX! Venhedis, you have to come quick!" the blue blur panted out nearly falling on the steps.  
  
"Snowy. Oh sweet fuck, that was-"  
  
"Yes it was. He's, he's in-" Fenris swallowed loudly looking at both of them, letting his markings dim down, "Kaffas he's in Hawke."  
  
Alex felt his legs give out when he collapsed on the top step, clutching the sides of his head. Holy fucking shit. Mother of Mercy. Vomit rose in his mouth when he went on all fours, panting hard trying to suck it back down.

Carver, had Vengeance inside him! Oh god what the fuck!  


* * *

  
  
Anders paced around the clinic with his arms waving about like a madman. Donnic laid another guard down on a free cot, several helmet free Templars stood on either side of the clinics doors, their hands hovering over their blades. Fenris and Merrill were calming people down as much as they could, Cassidy running back and forth with healing potions and herbs.  
  
But Alex sat there at Anders desk, gripping the blood stained torque in his hand, looking at Sebastian's battered body laying there trying to breath. Looking at Varric's body laying there with a mangled leg. This was his fucking fault. This, was all his fault. It had to be.  
  
Guilt gnawed through him as he shook on the chair, until a heavy hand landed on his shoulder nearly making him fall out of his seat with it.  
  
"Sorry Serah Knight," the blond haired Templar dipped his head, pulling up another chair to sit beside his, "Didn't mean to scare you."  
  
"Not had a good time with you fucking Templars," Alex mumbled.  
  
The blond man nodded, then pinched the bridge of his nose shaking his head, "I would say thank you for clearing out those sick perverts, but means little, I know. Forgive me," the man put his hand free from his gauntlet out to Alex, "I'm Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford."  
  
"A pleasure, I'm sure," Alex snarked barely taking the mans hand before pulling it back.  
  
Cullen heaved a sigh dropping his hand into his lap, "I know this is going to be hard to even talk about. But, how long has Hawke been an abomination?"  
  
"I didn't even fucking know, alright. Sweet shit, I didn't even know," Alex felt vomit rise back up into his throat again, dropping the torque into his lap, "God fucking forgive me, this is all my fault."  
  
"Knight, may I?" Cullen pointed to the silver torque in his lap. Alex just nodded handing it over to him.  
  
He watched the Templar run his fingers over the fine etching, over the silver, a pale purple light flickered out from his hand. The man then flinched dropping it onto the floor when he went over the red stones, "Blood magic!"  
  
Alex felt the vomit almost come out from his mouth when Cullen stomped hard down on it, shattering the stones then sent something else at it.  
  
"Makers breath, that was a binding stone! How long were you wearing that thing?"  
  
"A few months, since Satinalia until, until two days ago. Carver had a matching one around his damn neck! What the fuck do you mean a binding stone? Binding who? Me?" Alex dug his nails deep into his palms.  
  
Cullen waved a hand at another helmet free Templar, telling her to take that back to the Gallows for study. He then sat down heavily in the chair, running a hand through his sandy blond hair looking at Alex, "Yes and no. That was to bind a demon to its host and to blind anyone else from even seeing it. Sweet Maker, they haven't been used this far south in centuries. How did Hawke even get one?"  
  
"But," Alex's head started to spin, "the shit with his brother, his mother. He was horrified about the whole thing. Why would he- why would-"  
  
Cullen took his hand in his even though Alex flinched slightly with it, "That was more blood magic, Knight. Necromancy, the worst kind really. If his brother bound him, then the demon within would of been bound to his will also, just be thankful you killed him in time," Cullen shook his head, "We don't know where he's gone. Do you have any idea?"  
  
"No I don't," Alex screwed his eyes shut trying to stem down the tears, "No wonder he hated having- I, I, I think I'm going to be sick..."  
  
He felt his world spin even more when he tried to stand, blood rushed through his ears as he retched, his legs felt like jelly trying to get the nearest bucket to be sick in. Alex could barely hear anyone when he puked, he could hardly feel anything he was so numb. Everything Carver told him, everything was a fucking lie.  
  
His father was a blood mage, a good one he said, Alex vomited even more. His brother was the Lowtown Butcher. And now, he has fucking Vengeance inside him as well as being a blood mage!  
  
The world started to blank out, putting his hand on the wall to try and steady himself. Why him? Why?  
  
Someone grabbed him when he started to tilt backwards and blanked out completely.


	26. Come Together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela gets out of jail, Alex celebrates his twenty-first, his second year of being in Kirkwall too. He also... gets a bit of surprise from everyone, one thats changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I renamed the story, because this looks like its going to be a series. No spoilers of what may be.
> 
> Primal Scream - Come Together - https://youtu.be/FsWCYwezQ4U

**9:35 Dragon - Drakonis. Two Years.**  
  
Isabela glared at him from her seat, then slowly shook her head in disbelief, "Pup, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Yeah well, there you go. Thats why it took so bloody long, Izzy," Alex sighed sitting next to her in the cell, "Safest place for you, really."  
  
"I suppose," she shrugged then pulled him in hard for a hug, "Ahhh, not been so bad in here with the pretty eyecandy, pup."  
  
Alex pulled back looking at her with his mouth open wide, "You didn't!"  
  
"I did," she grinned, "Brennan's got a nice rack on her."  
  
"REALLY! Good fucking grief."  
  
Isabela snorted on his arm when they both rose from the seat, "So, you and this, Desire huh?" she waggled her eyebrows.  
  
"Cassidy, his names- ugh never mind. We never actually slept together you know," Alex sighed picking up her pack, "And for fucks sake, I'm still trying to wrap my head around Carver and that bullshit."  
  
"And now we got Templars doing martial law? Wonderful," she moaned, "I'm going to kill Hawke. Hope you know that."  
  
Alex shrugged, "So will everyone else. And besides," he pushed her out the cell block, "I don't fucking care any more, I really don't. I've taken over his mansion with Bran and Donnic's permission, so he can fucking well shove it where the damn sun don't shine."  
  
"The Grand Cleric's pussy?"  
  
Alex burst out laughing trying to go up the steps, "Thats disturbing, Izzy! Oh fucking hell."  
  
"Glad I'm back, pup," she grinned at him dragging Alex up the steps instead, "Oh and Happy Birthday."  
  
Alex groaned out loud being led out the barracks by the cackling woman, oh yay for him. Templars nodded their heads at him as they went past, even opened the doors to Hightown proper for them. Alex wasn't exactly happy about having Templars roam around like cats in the dark, but with Carver going all rogue abomination on them, no-one could take the chance right now. And with the amount of blood mages as well, he had to make some compensation for it all.  
  
Anders on the other had, was frothing mad that Carver took Justice within and outright twisted his former friend into something else, and the fact, Templars.  
  
The bright early morning sun rose lazily over the horizon, the pink hues painted the clouds beautifully as they walked back to the mansion, where everyone was waiting for both of them. He hasn't told her about Snowy and Kitty yet, but she'll find out soon enough. He left out a few others things too, but all in due time.  
  
"Menace, Rivaini, there you are," Varric grinned at them slowly sauntering over from the Guild, "I got some good news!"  
  
"Oh I don't like the sound of that," Alex sing-songed out.  
  
Varric just rolled his eyes, waving his hand at him, "You got a huge package waiting for ya back home, kid. And," he pulled out several pieces of paper and handed them over to them both, "That paper money shit? It got approved properly now. Backed by both the Merchant's Guild and Senechal Bran."  
  
Alex turned the money around in his hand admiring his and Varric's work on it, and grinned wide. This was fucking legendary! A brand new way to use money here. A simple design on it for those that can't read was printed on both sides, denoting what it was worth, the written word for those who can read.  
  
"This is so fucking cool," he pulled his short friend in and smacked a kiss on his head, "Genius!"  
  
"Well pup, your making waves thats for sure," Izzy stuffed the money down her cleavage, nodding her head, "Oh yeah, fits nicely."  
  
"And there she goes," Varric nudged her arm then took it when they all set off again, "Good to see you again, Rivaini."  
  
She smirked, fluffing her hair up with one hand, "Of course you are, chest hair. Can I touch Bianca yet?"  
  
"FINE! Just this once."  
  
Alex shook his head chortling, going ahead of them back home. Isabela purred loudly running her fingers down the wooden stock, making Varric mutter about confusing him and Bianca. Warmth went over his skin when he stepped into the sun again, and sighed looking over everything. With him taking over the Hawke's accounts, he had a tonne of money to fix every damn thing up in Lowtown and Darktown, and then some.

Hightown can kiss his damn arse, so can the fucking Chantry.  
  
Alex flicked his hand under his chin when it came into view, earning a few odd looks from the nobles. Like he gave a fuck any more what they think. They didn't come down to Lowtown to help when Vengeance Carver went on a rampage down there, the fucking Alienage elves did though, so did some of the servants from up here. God, Donnic lost more men thanks to all that, even lost quite a few Templars when they were crossing the harbour at the right time. Or was it the wrong time?  
  
Varric's leg had to be replaced with a fake one, which he didn't mind one bit. Not with how he stuffed his flask and money in the hidden chamber within. Still didn't exactly make it better he lost his damn leg in the first place. And Sebastian, was in the mansion still recovering. Every single one of his ribs were broken when Vengeance threw him hard against the pub wall, then stomped on him calling him a 'Chantry Puppet.'  
  
Edwina and Corff were no more, the bastard killed them and a whole load of patrons before rampaging down to the docks, then vanished.  
  
Sweet fuck, Alex still blamed himself for what happened. But it wasn't, was it. No-one fucking knew, even Cass didn't know, not with the torques hiding all that shit. Snowy told them all, when he looked over the one left behind when Carver ripped it from his neck, it was Tevinter in design before he tore the whole thing apart with his markings.  
  
Now all Alex could think of was: He wanted to bring the wraith of heaven down on Tevinter for its damn depravity.  
  
The front door of the mansion opened, a blond head peaked around it, then grinned at Alex waving him inside.  
  
"Bout time you showed up. Where is she?" Anders then giggled as Isabela snuck up beside him, pulling him into a smacking kiss, "Love you too, sweetheart."  
  
"HEY! Wheres mine?" Alex whined, then squealed when she jumped on him, "I meant Anders not you!"  
  
"Meany," she giggled and kissed his cheek.  


* * *

  
  
The huge package sat at the island with Alex trying to burn holes into the thing. He didn't want to open it incase something jumped out, or worse. But the bloody thing came from Cullen as it was, the damn Knight-Captain sent him a gift for some damn reason, for his fucking twenty-first.  
  
"Sweet boy, just open the void taken thing. Nothings going to eat you," Cass patted his arm, then smirked when Alex glared at him, "Like for like."  
  
"Now who's being an arse," Alex grumbled under his breath, pulling a dagger from his thigh and ran it slowly over the package.  
  
Something glinted the more it opened, making him frown. A glint then something grey and black tumbled out when Cass got fed up with waiting and just ripped it open.  
  
"See, nothing jumped out. Oh," he picked up a gauntlet then shoved it in Alex's face, "pretty and spiky."  
  
Alex frowned even more pulling out new armour from within, everything was black all except a few accents of grey. There was even a new long black leather coat with a grey and black hood tucked inside. Wow, everything was damn nice when he looked over the long black and grey tipped boots, the dark metal gauntlets, buckles, everything. Cass pulled out a note that went with it all and started to giggle when he shoved that in Alex's face too.  
  
"Hello Champion," he laughed when he got swatted away.  
  
"The fuck," Alex looked over the note and read it again shaking his head, "Are they fucking serious? Champion of the People? This is a damn joke, it just has to be."  
  
"Even some pretty new daggers in there, sweet boy. Put it all on."  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow at Cassidy, dropping the note on the island then heaved a sigh looking at everything now laid out neatly, "If this is bloody Snoopy's doing, I'm gonna kick him so hard. I swear it," he raised a finger at the giggling pale purple skinned giant, "Don't you start!"  
  
"Sorry Menace, not me," Varric grinned from the kitchen doorway, "After what you did in Darktown, with 'Him,' and everything else ya done, they needed a new Champion. And what better person then you, kid."  
  
"I'm not going to be a fucking lap dog for the Templars," Alex spat turning his back on everyone, "I do shit my way or no way at all."  
  
Varric hopped up on one of the stools and shrugged, "No-one's gonna tell you how to do shit, Menace. Just keep doing what your doing, keep wearing that armband like the rest of us, and do what you need to do."  
  
"The Unforgiven," Cassidy cocked his head, sitting on the edge of the counter his tail slowly going towards the liquor cabinet, "Eloquent name for those who are just that."  
  
"Oh for fucks sake," Alex whined looking at the back of the new leather coat, "Theres a pair of wings on the back. MY FUCKING WINGS!"  
  
"Sword and scales too, Menace."  
  
Alex slumped onto the ground, putting his head in his hands. This whole thing, was like one fucking cruel joke being shoved down his throat. He was now the new Champion, a Champion of the fucking People. Ugh, wasn't this a huge kick in the damn teeth, all because of fucking Carver, all because of what he's been doing around the city himself, all because of the fucking paper bloody money too. What the actual hell!  
  
Trouble and Major barreled into the kitchen, then dropped something in his lap. He peaked between his fingers and snorted at the tiny grey Sergeant Fluff'n'Paws mewing up at him.  
  
"I know how you feel, Sarge. And you two," he raised an eyebrow at the panting happily dogs, "Ugh, come here."  
  
"Menace, it's gonna be fine. Well, kinda, what with martial law and shit going on."  
  
Alex flopped on his back putting his hands over his face, the two dogs and kitten all trying to climb on him at once as he laid there, trying not to think about it all. God fucking dammit, now what was he going to do? He's not cut out to be some sodding Champion of the People, he wasn't cut out the when he first came here either. And now look where he is.  
  
"Get dressed kid, we're all going out for dinner. You too Tails- Maferaths sagging cock, you put that back. Thats two hundred year old whiskey!"  
  
"But it smells divine, storyteller," Cass chuckled then sighed, "Fine, I'll find something else to quench my thirst."  
  
Alex smirked at Varric's grumbling under his breath when he left the kitchen, dropping his hands onto the dogs trying to get under his arms, "Where we going for dinner anyway?"  


* * *

  
  
Isabela cackled slapping her thighs, looking at both Snowy and Kitty walking into the restaurant with linked hands, then nudged Alex almost out of his seat when she slapped his arm instead.  
  
"Sneaky shit, pup. Didn't tell me those two were together!"  
  
"I know," he smirked back at her, "A lot of shits changed."  
  
She lent on his arm nodding, "Yeah, it has. Like me wearing pants for one. Anders and the Guard Captain for another," she snickered.  
  
"Least it ain't the Knight-Captain," Alex mock whispered in her ear making her cackle again, Anders shooting him a dirty look before sniffing.  
  
"Are you going to tap that fine hunk of a spirit sitting with us, pup?" she murmured in his ear before kissing it.  
  
Alex sighed looking sideways at Cass talking low with Varric, Sebastian, who wanted to bloody well come injured or not, and Orana. He felt his cheeks heat up a little when he looked back at Isabela, then groaned when she pinched his thigh.  
  
"I knew it," she giggled.  
  
"I never said a bloody word, Izzy."  
  
She lent on him again pulling her drink over, "Don't need to, pup. Your face says it all. Did his tail feel good though?"  
  
Alex blushed even harder trying to sink down under the table.  
  
"You know you want it, pup," Isabela tugged in his fringe, "Both of you writhing naked in bed, his tail working its magic in you. Mmmm, now 'I' want to see that!"  
  
"Dammit, Izzy," Alex whined putting his hands over his face, sinking lower, "Not right now."  
  
She cackled again slamming her drink on the table, making everyone around it look at them both. Alex just wanted the ground to swallow him whole with how much he was blushing, thinking about the night in Darktown. And, hadn't stopped thinking about it since. She had a point, when he coughed righting himself in his chair, Cass's damn tail WAS good. Like, sinfully so. So was his hand, his mouth, his tongue, ugh, even his hair felt fucking good.  
  
What the hells wrong with him liking the ones far taller then himself, liking the ones far different then everyone else?  
  
Justice was at least six four, Carver was six three, and fucking Cassidy was six eight for fucks sake! Why didn't he have a crush on Varric the Snoopy storyteller? No, he had to feel for the ones who were the damn oddballs. Two fucking spirits at that too! Ugh, he was so done for, and he fucking knew it when Cass cocked his head at him, a slow grin going over his face when Isabela pointed at Alex, saying, 'Free meal, sweetie!'  
  
"I should of left you in the fucking cell," Alex mumbled under his breath, drinking his entire glass of wine down before grabbing the bottle, hogging it.  
  
Food was served to them in four courses, the fifth was dessert and coffee, apparently. The whole fare was Antivan and Rivaini food, and fucking delicious when he dug into the first one, savouring the spice on his tongue. God was it good. Everyone was talking around the table, but Alex was more interested in eating then listening right now. Everything was fucking spicy, and sweet, with enough heat that he had a second bottle of wine sitting next to him, slapping anyones hand that tried to take it.  
  
Alex would most definitely come back here again, it was just that good.  
  
By the time dessert arrived, he was mildly tipsy, grinning as something like Tiramisu was placed in-front of him and small cup of thick coffee. He wasn't ignoring everyone, he put his two pence worth in when he felt like it, but he was more interested in the fine food.  
  
"Sweet boy," Cass murmured leaning over to him, "Whats the White Swallow?"  
  
Alex almost choked on his dessert putting his fork down, "Its a place thats, um, different. Cater to people like me, Anders, Isabela when she used to go there. Why?"  
  
"But, what is it?" Cass frowned nicking a bit of his Tiramisu.  
  
"Its a nightclub kind of thing. You want to go, don't you?"  
  
Cass nodded his head, "Can we when this lot leave? And this is very nice," he nicked another bit.  
  
"You do know theres a curfew going on right?" Alex slapped his hand glaring at him, "And thats mine. Get your own."  
  
"But I want yours," Cassidy smirked licking his fork, "We can get back before the midnight hour, I see no problem."  
  
Alex sighed as he smiled, pushing his plate over to him, "Fine. We'll go after everyone else has gone. Be prepared though, I love it in there."  
  
The last dregs of the wine gone, the last sip of his coffee done, dessert's finished, they left before everyone else instead. Isabela winked at him with a smirk, Varric grinning like a fool when they left. He didn't bother looking back at everyone else when Cass practically ran out the restaurant with him. The cool spring air touched his skin as they walked arm in arm to the Red Lantern District, making Alex sigh out through his nose at it all.  
  
The last rays of the sun dipping back down into the horizon, painted everything pink's and red's again, the fluffy clouds lazily skimming across the clear sky. God, didn't that just remind him of the shit on the Wounded Coast with Justice telling him how he actually got here. Alex shook his head to clear those thoughts away, now wasn't the fucking time to think of that bastard, or fucking Carver. They both made their beds with each other and he hoped to everything he never saw either of them again.  
  
"Oh, thats a fine looking cock right there," Cass snickered when Alex pushed the doors open to the White Swallow.  
  
"Should see the Blooming Rose sign, Cass," Alex chuckled, "Not as flagrant as that one, but close enough."  
  
Alissa waved her hand at him from behind the bar, then went slack jawed at Cass grinning wide looking at everything, "Sweetie! What a fine looking Qunari you have there."  
  
"Half-breed, Alissa," Alex dipped his head and lent on the bar, "How's everything?"  
  
"Better now your here, sweetie. Thanks for the 'Donation,' by the way. And don't think I don't know it was you."  
  
Alex grinned bringing Alissa in for a kiss over the bar, "Damn right it was me," he let her go, "No way in hell will they close this place down any more."  
  
"I should hope not," Alissa grinned, "Usual?"  
  
Alex nodded his head, and looked up at Cassidy still looking about himself in awe, his tail swinging in time with the music echoing around. No-one screamed looking at him, no-one freaked out, or started shouting, 'Demon,' when he took their drinks over to a booth. In-fact, no-one fucking cared, which made Alex really happy.  
  
"I see why you like it in here, sweet boy," Cass grinned at him showing his teeth off, "I think I will too."  
  
"I saved it from being closed down, Cass. The only place in Kirkwall for people like me," Alex waved his hand about, "people like them to come and be fucking normal. Pisses me off when words like fag or queer get thrown around like rice at a wedding. This place," Alex tapped the table, "is where none of thats said at all. It's offencive and degrading."  
  
Cassidy nodded his head taking a long pull from his drink, then went wide eyed when he put it down, "Void, thats delicious! I know what you mean though. You do realise in the fade, we don't see mortals as two genders, right? And to hear words that separate those from whats supposed to be a norm? It hurts us too. It's like its being directed at us as well. I chose to look like a man, so in reality, I AM a man."  
  
"I gotta ask, did you ever sleep with mortal women, or men, or others of your own kind?" Alex lit two smokes and passed one to Cass, who eagerly took it.  
  
"All of the above," Cass shrugged, "I have no preference at all, well until now. Sometimes willingly, other times, well, best not talk about that."  
  
Alex raised an eyebrow at him, "Until now?"  
  
Cassidy blushed deeply dipping his head while he smiled softly, "Until you. I never believed in the mortals whole, 'Love at first sight' thing. Spirits, whether angry or not can fall in love, mortal or otherwise as you well know from that one. But it can confuse those with a strong ideal when they do. Love," Cass took a drag from his smoke and lent back against the backrest, "is a strong ideal, a strong emotion than can turn into Desire or worse, Hunger and Lust."  
  
"Thats not what fucking Justice said," Alex frowned into his Longslot, "He said spirits don't ever fall in love, don't ever cry, nothing but their ideals."  
  
"If you ever return to the fade, sweet boy, you should look for Wisdom. She can tell you everything about us. That Justice, was more then just confused, he had others memories going through him, right?"  
  
Alex nodded his head.  
  
"He's going to be even more void taken twisted beyond repair being inside Carver, sweet boy. They both will be," Cass frowned looking up at the ceiling, "But, I never did answer your question about what I am fully, did I?"  
  
"No, you didn't," Alex lent against the backrest too, looking fully at Cass, "So, were you created in the fade, or were you someone else before?"  
  
Cassidy sighed taking another long drag from his smoke, "I was born to the fade, sweet boy. It was my home even if it was for a short thirty some years. Wisdom, after I was created, had told me that I wouldn't be conforming to fade rules, and she wasn't wrong. Not that I minded being there, but to be summoned and then used, I just couldn't stand it any more. So, after I bade my farewells to my friends, I found myself yearning for something different.  
  
I found myself not liking how I was just one thing, then- then chose to be something else. I was no longer one thing, I became two things. It's not unheard of within the fade at all, it can happen."  
  
Cassidy looked over at Alex with a pained expression on his face, "The Joy of Love is a 'Thing,' the Desire of Lust is another. Valor of Justice, Hope of Freedom, the list can go on. We, we get outcast for being two, and so I became an outcast myself. I read books that mortals dreamed up, even watched their dreams, participated in some for my own pleasure I suppose. But I was no longer a Desire, I was a Desire of Choice, because I chose to do it.  
  
And now, here I am in the mortal world living by my rules and yours, and I find that I like it now. This," Cass lent over to him, "I where I'm supposed to be."  
  
Alex swallowed deeply and took Cass's hand in his, "Thank you. That explains so much more then I thought, you have no idea. But," Alex dipped his head looking through his lashes, "this love at first sight thing? You mean, me?"  
  
"Yes, sweet boy, you."  
  
"Everything in my life, plural, has gone so fucking wrong," Alex swallowed again, "I just don't want shit to go wrong again if I say yes to you, Cass. Don't want it to be like Justice or Carver, or everything else before all that."  
  
Cass put his free hand on Alex's face, then rested his forehead against his sighing, "I don't know how to guarantee that, sweet boy. I can only tell you what I am, how I feel, what I can and wont do. All I can be is me, lover or no, I would remain by your side regardless what happens."


	27. Breathe.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex learns something a little unpleasent from Varric. Cassidy and Alex spend the night together, offically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT *coughs* er yeah, smut in chapter.
> 
> (The Prodigy - Breathe - https://youtu.be/YFf44I1YzlY)

**9:35 Dragon - Bloomingtide.**  
  
Sarge mewed loudly in his ear making him squeal shooting up off the bed. The tiny grey kitten mewed even more being flung about with the covers, now trying to get out. Alex sighed pulling the covers back, and stared down the Sarge looking up at him with his golden eyes.  
  
"Wheres Anders?"  
  
The kitten just stumbled on the bed trying to get up at him, making Alex sigh again sitting down on the edge picking him up, "You do know your Anders kitten right, and not mine. You silly ball of fluff."  
  
Trouble and Major huffed by the empty fireplace on their front paws, not giving a damn that a small bundle of fluff scared the living crap out of him, again. They knew, when he gave them both the stink eye, they sodding knew. No doubt Trouble dropping Sarge on the bed as it was and pretended to be asleep the whole time.  
  
Sarge mewed again, rubbing his little face over Alex's purring his tiny heart out, "I get it, I'm supposed to be up and feeding you," he got out of bed the two dogs got the stink eye again, "And you two as well. Don't think I don't know."  
  
Orana was giggling in the kitchen when he got the balcony with the three mischief makers in tow, he could also hear Snowy and Kitty in there making her laugh even more. Isabela tumbled out of her room, she gave him a weird look before dashing back in there. Brennan's voice filtered out before the door was slammed shut, then a thump against the wood. Sweet fuck, there they go again up against the door.  
  
The smell of spiced apples made his nose twinge, then grinned stepping into the kitchen at the three of them cooking over the top of each other. Snowy was reading out a recipe slowly, telling the other two what he needed, Kitty bouncing up and down on her toes into the pantry then back out again. Orana was rolling her eyes putting the kettle on the stove, then burst out giggling again.  
  
Sarge squirmed in his arms, "I know right, smells good. And those three are making it hard to sit here and wait," he muttered loudly earning a raised eyebrow from all of them.  
  
"Ugh, fine," he stuck his tongue out, "Wheres bloody Anders? Sarge was in my bed again."  
  
"Out Serah, said he be back later," Orana shrugged pulling out two saucers, "Oh, theres several letters for you on the writing desk in the main room."  
  
Alex frowned putting Sarge down, leaving everyone in the kitchen to read all this mail he's been getting since becoming the new Champion. Usual ones from nobles wanting to marry their damn daughters off again, to him of all people. And threw those on the 'Fuck you' pile. He added the invitations to fancy fucking dinners to the pile too.   
  
Three were from Cullen asking him to come to the Gallows, he added those to the 'Important' pile, along with the Merchant Guild ones and letters from the Alienage, Lowtown and Darktown.  
  
One of the letter made him smile the most, addressed to him in sprawling writing only a child can do, and took that one back to the kitchen to read over breakfast.  
  
"Hey Kitty, Lia's handwritings getting better," he smiled when she beamed at him leaning on his arm, "She even drew a flower by my name."  
  
"She loves you Lethallin. They all do down there," she picked up Sarge and buried her face in his soft grey fur, "You've done so much for them all, made them far safer and accepted."  
  
Alex smiled wide, pulling both of them into a hug, "I ain't done yet. I heard about the Alienage back in Denerim, still trying to recover from this blight thing that happened several years back. I was thinking of sending a huge donation to them all, maybe even go there and help them out you know."  
  
"And then go to Tevinter and pull it apart," Snowy snorted, "Not before I get there first you wont, Alex."  
  
"Yes, yes, we'll storm it together, how about that."  
  
Snowy smirked dipping his head, his now long white hair cascading down his shoulder, "I should hope so. Wont do it without you, Knight in shining armour."  
  
"Ah, get off with that shit," Alex grumbled.  
  
"Would you really go to Ferelden, to the Alienage there?" Orana asked him with wide hopeful eyes, "I heard they had it very bad after loosing everything."  
  
"Damn right I would. From what I hear, other then this fucking King, no-one else gives a shit about them," Alex pulled Lia's letter back over and opened it, "Any of you know who this King is?"  
  
All three of them shook their heads. Alex will find out some how who it is. He smiled again reading the little girls letter, she wanted to become a guard so she could help people when she was old enough. God, even with all she went through, what they all went through, she wanted to give back too, and didn't that warm Alex's heart something rotten. If a little girl like Lia could be strong and fearless, anyone could be.  
  
"Morning Menace, Daisy, Elf, Sugarlump, Sarge, Trouble, Major. Phew, I'm done for the day," Varric chuckled sitting in his usual spot at the center island, "Naaww, is that Lia sending you love letters again, kid."  
  
Alex nodded smirking, pushing the sweetest letter he's ever read over to him, "When she grows up, she wants to be a guard so she can protect people, like what me and Donnic do."  
  
"Heh, see. This is the good people can do. What WE all can do if we pull together," Varric nodded his head pushing the letter back, "What you can do too, Menace."  
  
Alex blushed a little behind the tea cup that magically appeared, "Yeah well, someones gotta do it. Say, Snoopy, you know who this King of Ferelden is? I want to write him a letter about a few things."  
  
"King Alistair, one of the Hero's of the Fifth blight. He's a good man, making waves down there apparently. Dunno him personally," Varric pulled out several slips of paper from his duster, handing them over to him, "But these people might. One's an Antivan elf, the others a former Chantry Lay sister, and that one," he tapped it giving Alex a pointed look, "is a mage from the same circle Blondie's from, dunno where she is, but she went off with some golem a few years back."  
  
"How the fuck you know all this, Snoopy?" Alex asked him looking over the pieces of paper.  
  
"Network, remember. Got a few friends in Orzammar, Denerim and the Bannorn. I did have others in here somewhere, gimme a few kid," Varric started to dig around in his duster, mumbling under his breath.  
  
Breakfast was served with the most delicious spiced apple muffins he's ever had. Full and fluffy, and oozed apple when he bit into them, then stuck his tongue in the hole when it almost poured out. A soft chuckle behind him made Alex tilt his head back at Cassidy smirking eyeing his tongue in the muffin, then huffed shoving the whole lot in his mouth.  
  
"Dirty shit," he muttered putting another on his plate.  
  
"Says the one sticking his tongue where it doesn't belong, sweet boy," Cass murmured in his ear before sitting, "Oh, this smells divine. What is it?"  
  
"Nutmeg, cinnamon and apple muffins, Cassidy," Orana beamed at him, "All three of us elves made them."  
  
More pieces of paper were shoved his way with Varric biting his lip holding one in his hand, "So, that one was a surfacer dwarf, unfortunately, he's dead now. That one's a Qunari, now back in Par Vollen, doubt you get anything from him. She's a witch of the wilds, very very private got hardly anything about her. But this one," Varric swallowed still holding it, "This one was a former friend to the King and Blondie, and um, his names Daylen. Menace, kid, listen, don't freak out when I tell you okay."  
  
Alex frowned at his friend, Varric was shaking a little crumpling the paper hard in his hand, "Tell me what?"  
  
"Tails, make sure he doesn't freak, okay."  
  
He was getting annoyed with Varric's weirdness, "The fuck Varr, just tell me!"  
  
Varric swallowed again putting the paper into his hand, "He's related to Hawke. Their cousins on Leandra's side."  
  
"You have got to be fucking me," Alex looked down at the piece of very crumpled paper and just stared at it, "One of these people who fought this blight thing, is Carvers fucking cousin? Your joking right, this is a fucking joke?"  
  
He looked over the full name of this fucking cousin, looking at the description of this, this man!   
  
Daylen Aaren Amell, born around 9:14ish, average height, slender, short black hair, piercing blue eyes, tattooed face and arms, wields a sword and shield, mage. Former friend to King Alistair and others during the blight. Former apprentice in Kinloch hold, joined the Wardens for some reason, then became the youngest Commander of the Grey Wardens in Amaranthine. And now he's gone missing, no-one knows where he is.   
  
That was all was written on the piece of paper.  
  
Alex didn't know whether to laugh or fucking scream. He just dropped the paper on the island, slowly left the kitchen for his room, then just fell onto his bed face first.  
  
"Sweet boy? Are you alright?"  
  
He shook his head when the bed dipped beside him, "Not really. Feel like I can't breathe."  
  
"Maybe because your face is in the mattress," Cass rolled him over onto his back, "Better? Probably not, stupid thing to ask."  
  
"Ha ha," Alex snarked out sitting upright, "This seriously has to be a sodding joke. Fucking hell, wonder if Carver went to find this cousin of his or something. Team up and be all high and mighty powerful blood mage fucks. Ugh."  
  
"Do you truly think that? Thats void taken stupid if you do," Cassidy wrapped an arm around him, his tail doing the same thing, "People go missing all the time, doesn't make it suspicious."  
  
Alex slumped on the taller mans chest, pushing his face into it in disbelief, "I know. Wait," Alex shot up right looking in Cass's eyes, "Anders knows him, so did fuck-head. Oh, oh, oh, I wonder if he knows the King too!"  
  
"There you go," Cass smiled, "Maybe go ask him. He's down in the clinic, he forgot to take Sarge with him again."  
  
Alex smirked pulling Cass down to his face, "Have I told you how much I want you to fuck me? No? Well then, I do."  
  
"What in the void has that got to do with this, sweet boy?" the taller man laughed cupping his face, "And I would too. Later, if you want."  
  


* * *

  
  
Anders banged his head on his desk, papers flittered to the floor the more he did it. Alex put a hand over his shoulders pulling his friend upright, keeping him in place so he doesn't de-brain himself.  
  
"I never put two and two together," Anders whined, "Maker I'm so stupid."  
  
"How well did you know him, in both places?"  
  
Anders sighed putting his hand on-top of Alex's, "Well enough. Not that kind of know, brat, he was just a brat himself when I used to tease him being all arms and legs. When I saw him in Warden armour, I nearly pissed myself looking at him. He was so much more, sadder, then I remembered. And stern too."  
  
"Is he anything like, 'Them'?" Alex sat down on the spare chair watching his friends breathing get rapid, shaking his head.  
  
"Andraste's arse no. He was quiet, reserved, kept his nose out of everyones business. Even as the Commander, he was still quiet, but more sad and battle-hardened, you know. Kind of like how your getting, brat. He and Justice used to speak for hours, about the fade," Anders screwed his eyes shut now, tugging on his ponytail, "magic, freedom, everything. They were both very different on their ideals. Daylen vehemently said it was a stupid idea to free all mages, Justice would argue back why?  
  
Then Justice ended up coming to me for all that shit when Daylen just shut down from talking any more. He, Maurevar and Carver are nothing alike at all. But he's a good kid, had a good heart on him, tried to help as much as he could. Fought hard against elven abuse, against mage abuse, any abuse really. But he kept himself to himself all the time. He never talked about a special friend, never talked about his family if he even remembered them, nothing."  
  
Alex frowned looking down at his hands, "Okay. Do you know this King Alistair then? I want to write to him. Varric said I should go through friends of his first, but, I'm asking you."  
  
"No I don't. I only met him once when he basically spat at Rylock, telling her Templars had no business in Warden shit. Then Daylen conscripted me there and then," Anders shrugged looking at him, "Alistair was a former Templar himself before he became a Warden then King. Alex, I think we should find my former Commander if he's missing. We need to tell him about his cousin."  
  
"God fucking sake! You said you left them behind when you and Justice joined, and now you want to find him?" Alex gave him an incredulous look, "All I want to do is write to the fucking King, and instead I get swamped by this shit!"  
  
Anders grabbed his hands when he went to flee the clinic, "Maker brat, just sit back down."  
  
Alex swallowed sharply, trying to ease his breathing down. He felt like he was drowning again in his own blood, while it rushed around his body like a car. He couldn't breathe again, putting his head in his hands panting harshly out at the ground. He could feel Anders magic go through him trying to calm him down, but panic just rose up in him thinking about all this.  
  
What if this Daylen did turn out to be like his cousins? What if he was a fucking blood mage, with a demon in him? What if Carver did go to find him and their both working together?  
  
He could hear other peoples voices talking quietly by the clinics door, but Alex just stared at the ground trying to calm his breathing down. Take a leaf out of little Lia's book, she's strong, she's fearless, she wants to protect. Listen to what Anders said, Daylen fought hard against abuses, tried to help people. Nothing like Carver, nothing like Maurevar. Alex slowed his breathing down when he felt a warm hand touch his back.  
  
"Friend, I know this former Chantry Lay Sister," Sebastian sat down next to him, pointing to the piece of paper in his hand, "Her names Leliana or Sister Nightingale as she goes by now. She's a good woman, I can contact her if you want."  
  
Alex slowly lifted his head looking at the former Prince, and nodded, "Please. Do you know the rest of them, or this King?"  
  
"Nay, I only know her. Anders may I borrow yer quill and parchment?"  
  
Alex ignored everyone again, looking back down at the ground and frowned at another piece of paper in his hand. He doesn't remember picking that up? He frowned at the name on it: Zevran Arainai, former Crow. But two words stuck out the most: Master Assassin. A fucking rogue. Alex crumpled the paper before shoving it in his pocket, maybe he'll figure out how to contact this assassin too.  
  


* * *

  
  
It was late by the time he got back from the Alienage, Asden insisting Alex stayed for dinner with his family. Kitty then dragged him into her home, shoving a cake in his gob before he even got to sit. As quietly as he could he shut the front door locked it tight, then rested his forehead on the wood. Both himself and Sebastian sent off letters to this Leliana and attached a note for this Zevran, asking if she knew where he was also.  
  
Little pitter-pats of rain hit the windows as he made his way through the living area, shucking out of his coat. Alex smiled at the twin daggers he made with the Dalish hanging over the fireplace, Cassidy's sword hung between them.  
  
"Your home late, sweet boy," Cass purred from somewhere in the near dark.  
  
"Yeah, got caught up in the Alienage," Alex chuckled putting his coat over the back of the desk chair, un-buckling his dagger and pouch belt, "Nearly didn't get home with those fucking Templars swanning around like stray cats."  
  
Cassidy purred again in the dark, "I've been waiting for you."  
  
Heat went over Alex's cheeks, dropping the belt on the desk along with his gauntlets, kicking his boots off at the same time, "Sorry."  
  
"No, no, waiting makes it that much sweeter. Makes one that more... eager," Cass chuckled.  
  
"Sweet fuck."  
  
Alex grunted being pushed against the wall, Cassidy grinning down at him wrapping his tail around his waist, "Oh, it will be, trust me on that."  
  
He groaned as the tail went down into the back of his pants, slowly slipping down the cleft of his arse, then between his legs to his balls. Cass's pupils were blown wide looking down at him then gently as he could, put his hands under Alex's arms lifting him up against the balcony wall, and pinned him there. His warm tongue traced the tattoos from Alex's bottom lip down to the top of his shirt, his tail stroking his balls and cock at the same time. Alex tilted his head to one side, arching his back off the wall while he wrapped both legs around the taller mans waist.  
  
"I want to tie you down as I fuck you, sweet boy," Cass murmured in his ear, making Alex shudder at the idea, "Want to taste every inch of you. Outside, and from within."  
  
Alex sucked in his bottom lip into his mouth groaning behind it at while his heart hammered hard in his chest, when Cass pulled them both from the wall, then made his way up stairs to his bedroom. The laces on the front of his leathers were being untied by the tail still between his legs, carding his fingers through Cass's ridiculously soft braided hair when the door was kicked shut.  
  
The man knelt on the edge of the bed with Alex still clinging to him, the warm soft mouth pressing butterfly kisses down his neck when Cass crawled onto the bed. It wasn't till he felt the heavy weight press against his own burgeoning erection, that Cass, was fucking naked grinding down onto him. Alex pushed his head back into the mattress and groaned loud as teeth were scraped down his neck to his collarbone, the shirt being undone the same time his pants were being pulled down.  
  
He arched his back up off the bed, his body pressing hard against the taller mans chest, the tail once more stroking him inside his leathers. Cassidy lent up ripping the pants from his legs, flinging them into the room somewhere then took one of his legs, and started to lightly kiss from foot to thigh, nibbling and licking to the join. Alex was panting so hard already screwing his eyes shut at the damned tenderness of it all, licking his lips. He moaned loud at the hot mouth on him, the wicked tongue curling around the head of his cock, then kitten lapped down his shaft and back up again.  
  
"Fuck yes," he managed to pant out gripping the sheets behind his head tight, pushing his head further back into the mattress.  
  
Both his ankles were in Cass's hands, being both spread wide and lifted so his body was almost doubled over, that same wicked tongue lapping circles to his hole. The tail traced up his stomach to his mouth, and slowly slipped in pushing his tongue down while he moaned loud at the tongue breaching him. Alex fisted the sheets even more opening his eyes looking at Cassidy's tongue going inside him, the mans eyes closed humming the entire time he does it. Pre-cum glistened from his cock, slowly dripping its pearls down onto his stomach then chest, all the while spit started to roll down the sides of his face with the tail in his mouth.  
  
If he could throw his head back he would but not in the position he was in as the tongue went further inside him, Cassidy slowly sliding his hands from his ankles to his thighs, massaging them as he goes. Alex growled around the tail when two fingers slipped in beside the tongue gently working him wider, and growled even more when Cass looked at him, lapping his tongue to his balls, then smirked.  
  
"As sweet as wine," Cass then took his balls into his mouth and grinned around them when Alex tried to buck.  
  
He slipped his eyes closed again panting around the tail as another finger slips inside, the man kissing over his needy cock then down his stomach leaning over him, pushing him down into mattress more. What the fuck is with spirits being so dang big, Alex thought feeling the heaving weight against him again. He tried to swallow, but the tail pushed his tongue down further, his hands fisted the sheets even more behind his head as drool just rolled down his face, the fingers inside him being slowly pulled free.  
  
Cass lent up again letting Alex's body not be so doubled over, then pushed them both further up the bed. The tail slipped out of his mouth and went to his wrists instead, pulling them tight together over his head more, the other man pushing his legs to his chest by the back of his knees, and slowly, slid his length into Alex. Without the tail on his mouth, Alex keened loudly at the intrusion, his mouth wide open pushing his head further backwards. He felt his entire body being pulled taut from wrist to arse, being stretched and filled and everything inbetween when Cass hilted his whole damned cock in him.  
  
And then, the man slowly pulled back out gripping his knees even tighter, Alex muttering obscenities under his breath when Cass rolled his hips back into him. Alex opened his eyes slightly Cass had his closed again rolling his entire body into him, sinuously. All Alex could see was Carver doing the same thing, but this was more so, that was nothing like him when Cass opened his eyes and smiled softly. His braided hair tumbled over his shoulder the more he moved, taking Alex's arse instead sliding his knees under him more, and smiled softly again pulling Alex upright with his tail so their noses touched while they fucked.  
  
"Sweet boy," Cass panted against his face, "I knew you would look fine being tied up."  
  
Alex nipped at his chin, his arms getting numb being over his head in the air while the man thrusted up into him. Cassidy's tongue licked over his ear, tugging on his piercings gripping his arse even tighter, Alex wanted to dig his nails into the mans neck rolling his own hips down on the length in him. The heels of his feet dug in hard into Cass's tailbone, trying to arch his back, but the tail held him firm in place, and let his head fall back instead.   
  
Sweat started to roll down his face and body, the heat of the room made by the two of them glisten in the pale moonlight seeping in through the open curtains.  
  
His open shirt swung brushing against his skin the longer this went on, long low moans came from his mouth finally able to arch his back when the tail slackened, the warm tongue of Cass tracing the tattoos along his neck. His own cock ached to be touched, ached to have something wrapped around it to bring him off, but this was all far too good when he was lowered back on to the mattress again, Cassidy still sinuously moving into him. The tail was now replaced by Cass's hands, both of them gripping the others tight looking into each others eyes, smiling.  
  
"Your so beautiful," Cass murmured.  
  
Alex bit his lip before licking a wide stripe up to Cass's mouth, "Yes you are," and slipped his tongue between the panting lips.  
  
His mind was starting to swim deliciously, the dominate way Cassidy's tongue fought against his, the slow long languid rolls of the mans cock in him. Ugh, he wanted to stay like this forever, he didn't want it to end when the tail slipped between them wrapping around his neglected needy, aching, pre-cum dripping fucking cock, and slowly brought him off. The tongue pushed further into his mouth when he went to pull back, his eyes going wide feeling himself get tighter and tighter, and gripped Cass's hands even more when he came, the hot spurts hitting his stomach between them.   
  
Then Cass pulled back from the kiss gritting his teeth together, dropping his forehead on Alex's chest.  
  
His long deep languid rolls got harder and harder jerking his entire body, making the headboard bang against the wall. The hands left his to grip his thighs when Cass lent up, growling through his teeth arching his body backwards, the whole bed banging against the wall now with how hard and fast he was fucking Alex. He couldn't breathe with how much he was panting again, gripping the sheets above his hands arching his own back upward, then practically screamed when Cass came in him, when he fucking came again himself.  
  
Alex blinked his eyes open, trying his damnedest to wipe the sweat from his brow that wanted to fall into his eyes, Cassidy had his face planted on Alex's chest, breathing heavily trying to move himself. The sweet heady smell of sex stung his nose, mingled with the sweet smell of fine wine. He licked his lips lifting his head to look down at the man on his chest.  
  
"Sweet boy," he mumbled, "You broke me!"  
  
Alex snorted running his hand over the braid and tugged it, "Sweet Cassidy, I think I enjoyed that far too much."  
  
"Ugh, your a void taken fiend," Cass groaned rolling to one side, then slowly, slipped off the bed with a thud, "Ow."  
  
"I'm not fucking moving your damn tall frame, Cass," Alex looked down over the side, then snorted again when the man swatted a hand at him, "Fine, stay there all I care."  
  
The man stuck his tongue out pulling Alex off the bed on-top of him, earning an undignified squeak, "If I'm staying down here, so are you."  
  


* * *

  
  
It had been a couple of weeks since the letters were sent, but Sebastian ran into the kitchen waving a reply in his hand before slamming it on the island in-front of Alex, grinning like a loon.  
  
Alex quirked an eyebrow at him when Sebastian tapped the letter, "She's coming. She'll be here next month."  
  
"Well, thank fuck for that," Alex read the letter stuffing pancakes in his mouth at the same time, "No word on this Zevran then?"  
  
Sebastian shook his head putting his own pancakes on a plate, "Nay. Though," Seb pointed with his fork lower in the letter, "the King of Ferelden apparently wants to find his friend too. He's worried about him."  
  
"Nothing about the others either, well the ones thats le-" Alex choked on his pancake reaching for his coffee, "Sweet bloody god, this Sten, the one that traveled with them, is the new fucking Arishok!"  
  
"Maker give us peace, lets hope he's not like the last one."  
  
"Me too, Seb. I missed all that being away for a few months," Alex shook his head at his friend, "If push comes to shove, would you come to Ferelden with me? Anders and Cass already said they would, but I'm asking you too. A Prince talking to a King, we can get balls rolling don't you think?"  
  
Sebastian smiled wide showing his pearly whites off, "Aye, I'd be more then happy to, friend. Lets see what Sister Leliana has to say first."


	28. Attitude.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people from the Blight meet with Alex.

**9:35 Dragon - Justinian.**  
  
"Your gonna wear a hole, Menace."  
  
Alex waved his hand at Varric tracing circles round the dark rug in the library. The deep red Hawke crested ones all replaced with dark grey Sword and Scales ones, especially commissioned by Varric the blasted dwarf himself.  
  
"She's gonna be here when she gets here, kid. Stop pacing."  
  
Alex flung his hands up in the air then slumped on the over stuffed chair, arms and legs flopping about everywhere, "I know, I just- ugh, I just want her to hurry up!"  
  
"Oh, this is exciting," Merrill clapped bouncing on Fenris' lap, making the man groan trying to keep her still.  
  
"As exciting as watching grass grow," he said dryly, "Kaffas woman sit still!"  
  
Cassidy lent on the bookcase half dressed as usual, undoing his braid, "Why am I here, again?"  
  
"Your here for Menaces moral support, Tails," Varric narrowed his eyes, "And put some damn clothes on."  
  
"I'm wearing my pants, storyteller. And boots. Isn't that enough?"  
  
Alex put a hand over his mouth when Varric started to mumble under his breath about half nude people, confusing him and Bianca again. Isabela waved her hands at them all in the library, and grinned holding Brennan's hand before leaving via the kitchen. She didn't want to be here when this Chantry Sister came by, and neither did Brennan. Donnic ran past to trying to do his armour up, Anders fussing over him pulling straps tight. Both of them blushed looking in the library, but not before Donnic gave Anders a huge kiss and dashed out himself.  
  
"He's a bit late," Anders blushed even more trying to sit in the same seat as Alex, burying his face in his pit again.  
  
"Anders, what the fuck are you doing?" Alex whined.  
  
"Nothing," the smaller man began to giggle, making Alex sigh out tugging on the ponytail, "Your comfy, brat."  
  
"Ugh."  
  
The front door opened, everyone in the library stiffened when it slammed shut, then sighed out at Sebastian's lilt coming from the main room, along with someone who sounded French? No, Anders told him that was Orlesian, must remember that.  
  
"Everyone," Sebastian bowed wearing his bloody ugly armour just outside the library doors, "This is Sister Leliana, Left hand of the Divine."  
  
Alex quirked an eyebrow pushing Anders from his lap to stand, looking over the red haired woman in-front of him. An eye was emblazoned on her armour, two daggers and a bow were strapped to her back and hips, her blue eyes were smiling, shining look at them all. Her gaze landed on him, and smiled wide, dipping her head at him.  
  
"Alex Knight, your description does you no justice. Much more handsome in person, and younger looking too," she walked further into the room, "A pleasure to meet you."  
  
He took her hand when she offered it, frowning, "What description? And from who?"  
  
"Ahh, that would be telling," she grinned tapping her nose, "A bard never reveals the hand she's been played. You want to see the King, no, and to find," her face fell a little, "Daylen too. I can help."  
  
Alex frowned even more, crossing his arms over his chest, "Why all this run about to see a damn King? All I want is to-" his eyes go wide when Leliana put a finger over his lips, shushing him.  
  
"He's, in a bit of a pickle, trying to reform and getting no-where fast," the woman shrugged taking her finger away, "He wants to dissolve the circle there, but none will listen to him. But he would welcome your aid in helping the Alienage, Knight. And to find his old friend."  
  
Anders flew out of the chair, putting his hands over his mouth, "He wants to get rid of Kinloch? Andraste's pearly tits, thats wonderful news."  
  
Fenris groaned loud in the room, but then again, so did Merrill when she frowned. Sebastian raised an eyebrow looking at everyone, Alex just shrugged pulling Anders back.  
  
"What about the mages and Templars there now? Where the fuck will they go?"  
  
Leliana cocked her head, "Oh, it'll still be there, but an open door policy. They would come and go as they please, Templars will still watch for blood mage and demons, but under much more tighter restrictions. Where else can a mage find peace and solitude, to learn without retribution from those who wish to harm them back?"  
  
"Well thats fucking bullshit," Alex spat, "So there's still going to be fucking Templars in there, sticking their damn dicks in them whenever they want!"  
  
"Alex," Fenris warned narrowing his eyes, "Member of the Divine's court your arguing with."  
  
Alex shook his head, running a hand through his fringe, "Seriously though? After what happened with those sick fucks down in the docks, what Cullen showed me whats going on behind closed doors. You think they wouldn't be stupid enough to still HAVE Templars! Ugh, and what about the fucking elves, huh? What about them getting fucked left right and center in Alienages by the damn Templars and shit too?"  
  
"And what about equality to those who wish to be different then the norm?" Cassidy barked out, "What about those who choose to be with the same sex, to love someone who's the same as them?"  
  
Leliana put her hand up when an argument started, trying defuse the situation, "I know. The Chantry has never been fair to those worse then them. I maybe the Left hand, I may work for and with the Divine, even Justinia thinks everything is getting out of hand with petty issues. I agree with all of you, considering my lover," she looked at them all and rolled her shoulders, "is the witch of the wilds. A woman."  
  
Alex heard Varric fall out of his chair, scrabbling to get back on it, then heard several pieces of paper being whipped out from his duster so he could write all this down.  
  
"So you agree with all of us, there needs to be change?"  
  
"I do indeed, Knight. Why Alistair wished your help on several matters," Leliana smiled at him again, "I don't know how long this will take, but give me a few days to arrange passage to Ferelden for you, and go from there, no."  
  


* * *

  
  
Leliana was nothing like the rest of the Chantry people, much like Sebastian wasn't, when they spoke alone deep into the night. She told him everything that happened during the blight, what it actually was, how it was defeated with some General Loghain sacrificing himself to kill this Archdemon. Thats why Daylen and Alistair fell out of friendship, all because Daylen allowed Loghain to become a Grey Warden to redeem himself for what he apparently did at this Ostagar.  
  
She even told him what Daylen was like, much like what Anders told him: Quiet, reserved, sad at times, helped anyone down on their luck, stern when he saw something he didn't like and was swift to deal with it in his own way.   
  
"Much like yourself," she smiled at him, "he wanted to do so much, but he was so young when they forced him out the circle. He had to become a Grey Warden at just such a young age, I think he saw too much, and started to shut down."  
  
"And no-one knows where he's gone? Maybe he just went to kill himself," Alex sighed looking down in his lap, "I felt like that a few times myself."  
  
Leliana took his hand in hers, "I know all about that myself too. In a little over two years, from what I heard, you went through a great deal too. But yet, you still sit there trying to do more, in a world thats not even your own."  
  
"How the fuck do you know that?" Alex's eyes go huge looking up at her.  
  
"I listen, Knight. I watched and I listened, and when I could not, I had those who listened for me."  
  
Alex sat back in his chair looking her over, "A spy network, like Varric?"  
  
"I used his network too," she smirked as she sipped her tea, "A bard knows when to play the right cord, to get the right song. Your a rogue yourself, no?"  
  
"I... am. Isabela helped me on that path. I did use a stave for a while, but never felt right in my hands," he shrugged sitting forward again, "But knives, daggers, lockpick's all that shit, feels right for me."  
  
Leliana sat forward too and smirked again, "And you helped set up with Varric The Unforgiven merc company too, no, and a new form of money. I could use someone like you, in the 'Know' of course."  
  
"Are you offering me a job?"  
  
"Something much more then that, Knight. I'm offering you a position that can greatly benefit you. But we need to go to Ferelden first, deal with all that. Think about it."  
  
Alex chewed on his lip when she bade her goodnight and made her way to the guest room. This Left hand of the Divine, was offering him to work with her, or was it for her? He didn't rightly know sitting there looking over the missives and letters on the table. His mind span a little curling up in the chair looking out skylight, feeling his eyes get heavy. He was too tired now to crawl up the stairs to bed, and just slept in the chair till morning.  
  
A cold wet nose pushed against his, then soft fur vibrated against his face as Sarge rubbed his entire body over him. Alex blearily opened his eyes at the grey cat on his chest, snorted scratching him behind his ears as he yawned wide.  
  
Voices echoed out from the kitchen, but Alex didn't feel like moving from his position in the chair, not with Sarge climbing on his shoulder to his head flopping down on it still purring.  
  
"You silly ball of fluff," he muttered out, then yawned again stretching his legs out.  
  
"Silly sweet boy, sleeping in the chair all night," Cass giggled from the library doorway leaning on the jamb, once again half dressed his hair tumbling over his shoulders, "That Leliana is in the kitchen making everyone breakfast, and your still in here void taken sleeping."  
  
"I'm awake," Alex yawned again, then snorted when Sarge tumbled off his head, "See what you made me go and do."  
  
Cassidy just scoffed loudly, plucking the small vibrating fluff ball from his lap, and held him tight against his chest, "Better hurry up before everyone eats what she is making. Myself included, smells wonderful."  
  
Alex slowly pushed out from the chair and equally slowly made his way to the kitchen, trailing behind Cassidy's fine fucking backside, his tail swishing left to right almost sashaying. He groaned sitting down at the stool, banging his head on the table when Varric snorted at him.  
  
"Rough night, kid?"  
  
"He void well slept in the library chair all night," Cass snickered, "Such a moody one in the morning is the sweet boy."  
  
"I am not," Alex muttered pulling his Rivaini coffee over, "Just, was too damned comfy to move."  
  
Cass kissed his cheek dropping Sarge onto Varric's lap, "Grump. Just have to find a new way to wake you up then."  
  
Alex flinched, gripping his mug hard in his hands as it shook, feeling his stomach roll looking down into it.  
  
"Did I say something wrong?" Cassidy's worried voice rang loud in his ears, shaking holding the mug even more before it broke on the floor when he rushed from the kitchen.  
  
Alex vomited in the basin in his room, trying to get rid of memories trying to eat at him, gnawing away at him like an empty stomach in a starving man. Blood rushed around his ears gripping the basin tight, slowly lifting his head to the mirror at the reflection looking back at him. It wasn't Cassidy's fault he practically said the same words as Carver on Satinalia, to wake him up before everything fucking changed slipping the torque on his wrist at breakfast.  
  
Would he ever fucking get over that feeling? Would he ever be able to scrub all that shit from his mind?  
  
He lent forward and vomited in the basin again. Maybe one day, when their both dead, he can put that final nail in the coffin and leave that shit behind.  
  


* * *

  
  
"Champion Knight."  
  
"Cullen, seriously? What was this fucking urgent matter that dragged me out of bed," Alex glared at the Templar.  
  
The slightly taller man waved for him to follow, walking further in the Gallows courtyard. Alex, HATED it here. Hated it the first time he stepped foot on the prison ground, which honestly, wasn't that long ago. With Anders and Snowy in tow, the three of them dropped the sick fuck Alrik at Cullen's feet, telling him he tried to force himself on a young mage girl.   
  
No-one's seen him since.  
  
The sandy haired Templar looked about himself now, then pulled out several pieces of paper from his gauntlet, "You can't let the Knight-Commander catch wind I'm doing this many, Knight."  
  
Alex looked over the paper slowly nodding his head, "Where are they?"  
  
"On the outskirts of the Wounded Coast," Cullen looked about himself again, "She's been acting strangely as it is, issuing orders that make no sense at times," when he looked back at Alex his face was sullen, "Mages have slowly started to go missing, good Templars too. Maker, I'm just praying I'm not going to be one of them."  
  
"Can't you oust her like we did with the former Guard Captain?"  
  
Cullen shook his head, "So far, she's done nothing wrong. And I can't prove either way she was involved with the missing people. Me and a few others are watching, just incase she starts to cross the line. Knight, you have to get them out of here. Please."  
  
Alex and Cullen took each others forearm and shook them, "I know exactly where to take them too. They'll be gone in two days time."  
  
Both of them parted, Alex going down to the boats pulling his hood over his face more. There was still time to go down and check on the Alienage, still had a few hours before the midnight curfew. And besides, he needed to light a candle and pay his respect to those lost since the Qunari and 'His' attacks.  
  
The small boat creaked loudly into the night, the boatman eager to get back home himself, giving Alex another once over before looking away. Fucks sake, people still looked at him like he was a piece of fucking meat. It made him sick at times. Made him sick thinking about those bastards in the SweetBox, perving, raping and beating, all because they fucking could. People in authority thought they could get away with anything, let alone the little man trying to do shit too.  
  
Alex dropped a silver in the boat when it docked, and made his way to the Alienage through the docks.  
  
The usual crowd hung outside the Hanged Man when he lit a smoke, nodding his head to them all, passing a piece of paper through palms to them before carrying on. Varric and Izzy taught him well, and smirked dipping his head, flickering his ash with his tongue. In just a few days time, himself, Cass, Anders, Leliana and Sebastian will be heading to Ferelden, and now with mages in dire need in tow. Oh Trouble, Major and Sarge as well. Everyone else will be staying behind, minding the mansion while their gone for a few months.   
  
Cullen would still send word to Varric and the others if anyone else was in danger, or needed help with blood mages badly.  
  
Alex sighed slipping into the shadows, climbing up on the wall and looked over the Alienage, there wasn't a soul around. Normally theres several elves huddled together smoking or drinking in the square, but there just wasn't anyone. Alex tilted his head scanning the place, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, nothing went over his skin, just no-one about. Kitty was busy in the mansion so he couldn't go calling on her to find out, Asden was no doubt already asleep to knock on his door.  
  
So Alex, as quietly as he could dropped down the other side into the square, unsheathing his daggers from his thighs. A stone skittered across the ground, someone else was waiting in the shadows. Were they waiting for him? Or someone else and he just managed to be here at the right time?  
  
Alex dropped his smoke on the floor kicking it over to where the stone was kicked from, and saw a flickering in the shadows. Sneaky, sneaky, he thought, going behind the vhenadahl tree.  
  
The shadow moved, toeing out the light from his smoke before slipping further into it. Wrong move dude, Alex smirked dipping his head even lower, and snuck up behind them laying his dagger flat across the shadows neck.  
  
"Mind telling me what the fuck your doing?" he growled, then ducked when the shadow pulled free from him.  
  
"Now, now," the smooth voice from the shadow tsked, "I may not be here for you."  
  
"Mmm Hmm," Alex circled around still watching this shadow, who thought he was hidden trying to find exactly where he was, "Your not very good at this, are you?"  
  
The voice sighed, "So I've been told. But you've been taught well. A certain slutty pirate perhaps," the voice then barked a laugh.  
  
Alex cocked an eyebrow, then went wide eyed as a hand slowly slid across his chest, the smooth voice in his ear almost purred, "Out played, hmm?"  
  
"Hardly," Alex kicked back, his leather coat swirled out the way when he stepped out the shadows, and pinned the other to the ground with his boot "Outmatched more like."  
  
"Oh I like you," the man grinned up at him, "You remind me of someone. Oh yes, me!"  
  
Alex's eyes widen looking at the blond tattooed elf under his boot, then slowly shook his head, "You were in the White Swallow a while back, as a fucking dancer!"  
  
"Tesoro, you remember me!"  
  
"Who the fuck are you?" Alex sheathed his daggers taking his boot of the elf, helping him to stand.  
  
The elf bowed with a flourish, "Zevran Arainai, at your service. I was just passing time dancing, marking a prey. You know how it is. He's dead now, shame, he was rather quite good in bed."  
  
"Holy shit, I've been looking for you. Why the hell you down here anyway," Alex pulled his hood back.  
  
"Oh I know, I got the letter," Zevran pulled it out of a pouch and grinned again looking him up and down, "Much better looking now with the tattoo, tesoro. Tell you the truth, I was waiting for you. Didn't think you would take so long, I got bored. Leliana, why did it take so long?"  
  
"He was busy," Leliana's voice chuckled from the steps, "See, I told you he was good. Much better then you used to be, Zev."  
  
The elf waved his hand sticking his nose up in the air, "Yes yes. You going to make fun of me unable to open a simple chest now too, hmm?"  
  
Alex stood there as the pair of them hugged each other, smiling while they did so. Both of them talking so fast in a language he didn't understand, then shrugged lighting another smoke, leaning against the vhenadahl waiting for them to finish. Zevran shook his head, sighing loudly giving Leliana a kiss on her cheek before facing him again.  
  
"Unfortunately, I cannot help you. I have my own problems with the Crows. But do say hello to Alistair for me," the man blew him a kiss before going back into the shadows, "Farewell, tesoro."  
  
Well fuck, thats not what he wanted to hear. Not like it mattered when he walked over to Leliana shaking her head.  
  
"I was hoping, but he really does need to deal with his former Assassin Masters," she quirked an immaculate eyebrow at him, "You are very good, no. Isabela taught you well, but what your doing is your own style, is it not?"  
  
Alex shrugged flicking ash from his smoke, "Learned on the fly, so to speak. Had to apparently in this shithole of a city. Kill or be eaten by monsters."  
  
Her face softened slightly searching his eyes, then took a hand in hers, "You two are so very similar, its a little unnerving."  
  
"Who?" Alex frowned.  
  
"You and Daylen," she sighed out looking over the to the vhenadahl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tesoro - Italian for Treasure.
> 
> Metallica - Attitude - https://youtu.be/90s7z5baxr0


	29. King Nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and the gang get to Ferelden, and its a shithole. No surprise there at all. He starts to set things straight.

**9:35 Dragon - Solace.**  
  
Denerim, was a shithole. A flying pile of mabari shit, shithole. Things were still being fixed even after all this time when Alex looked over it from the docks. Trouble and Major sniffed about at everything when they all finally tumbled off the ship, Anders practically flew face first into the dirt and kissed it, before spitting it back out. Sebastian had his arm linked with Leliana speaking quietly to each other, Cassidy on the other hand, picked Anders up and flung him over his shoulder when the mage went to go back on the ship.  
  
Alex walked with the dogs, slowly looking about himself from under his hood, most of these people looked like they came right from Darktown with how ragged they were. He shook his head running his hands over both the dogs heads. He thought this King was dealing with all this, but maybe the blight was worse then he thought it was. Then again, with the amount of people in Lowtown and Darktown that came from here, was it any wonder.  
  
"Maker, these poor people," Anders looked about from Cass's shoulder, "worse now then I remember."  
  
"Reminds me of Kirkwall," Alex shrugged, "Same shit, different city."  
  
Cassidy put Anders down, tugging the hood over the mages face more when Templars ran past them all. Alex watched them from under his own, watching them run to a gated part of this Denerim, the huffed out loud as several elves nearly got flattened by the bastards.  
  
"Guess thats where the Alienage is," they looked worse off then he thought too, he'll go check it out later.  
  
It's only been what, four years since this Archdemon tore this place apart with these Darkspawn? He wondered what the rest of Ferelden looked like then if it was this bad here. He'll find out soon enough when they go to this Amaranthine, to talk to this Nathaniel Howe that Anders knows pretty well. The man also wanted to see what friends he had left there, and apologise to all of them with what he did, to tell them what Justice has now become.  
  
Alex sighed through his nose, blowing his smoke through it looking about himself more. They were now walking through a market that was running, a small one, no-where near as big as Kirkwall's Lowtown, and no-where near as fanciful as Hightown. But still, he stopped by a stool and brought what looked like pasties for everyone over paying as usual, making the petite elven woman's eyes bug out of her head trying to hand it all back.  
  
"God no, just take it, Serah."  
  
Alex ended up with the woman sobbing into his arms, thats shes never been given so much money before. His heart clenched when she sobbed she lost her only daughter in the blight when the Archdemon set fire to everything in the Alienage.  
  
"I'll come by later, kay. I want to see the state the Alienage is in for myself. Then fix the fucking place," he smiled at her, to which her eyes go huge again as more tears rolled down her face.  
  
"Maker bless you. No-one else cares about us, mister. Even the king tried," she sobbed, "but what can he do. He's just one man."  
  
Alex dipped his head and smiled again, "All it takes is one person to make a difference. All it takes is one person to stand tall, to make a difference, Serah."  
  
He left the woman behind when she ran home clutching the coins in her skirts, he decided to buy all the pasties as it was, and handed them out along the way to children and elderly begging for food. Anders was going behind him healing as many as he could, Cass handing out Elfroot and other potions to them as well. Each and every single dirty face lit up like the sun with them doing it. Even Sebastian said prayers to those who wished for the Makers blessing.  
  
More and more people joined asking to be healed, or taking food from them all when Alex just up and decided to buy every damn thing on the food stalls.  
  
Leliana had gone ahead to this palace before Alex even knew she was gone, until a tap on his shoulder and a chuckle made him spin around on his heels at it.  
  
"You must be Alex Knight," this tall regal looking man with light brown hair and eyes beamed at him, "Thanks, by the way. I'm not allowed out much you see, being all kingy and that."  
  
"Are you, Alistair?" Alex asked looking the man over, then smirked at the stain on the tunic, "Mustard huh."  
  
The man blushed looking down at the stain, then flopped his hands by his side, "Maker dammit, I thought I got that out. Yes I'm Alistair, King, Hero of the fifth blight, blah blah blah."  
  
"Just the man I was looking for," he put his hand out and gripped Alistair's forearm, "We need to talk about some shit."  
  
"Maker, me too," Alistair lent forward and whispered, "Get me out of here, please. I can't bloody stand it being King any more."

* * *

  
  
The last raven flew to Kirkwall, telling everyone they arrived safe and sound in Denerim, Alex even added they spent a few hours helping the poor bastards out. No doubt Varric's going to be writing that shit down as usual. Several more went out to Kinloch and this Vigil's Keep too, telling them to expect them all soon and where they are in the meantime.  
  
Alistair gripped his hair tight when Alex got back, the man sitting there in the high backed fancy wooden chair, in clothes that would fit just a common man rather then a King. Sebastian was patting him on his back, talking soothing words to Alistair to try and calm him down. The poor man was swamped beyond swamped with everyone demanding everything from him, and all he wanted to do was be a Warden again.  
  
"When I return to Starkhaven, my lord, I will send what I can down south to help these people," Sebastian sat down next to the King and shook his head, "When I reclaim my throne that is."  
  
"All I want is a nice wheel of cheese, a warm bed and my sword and shield back, not this," Alistair waved his hand about banging his head on the table, "And definitely not Anora. Maker forgive me for wanting to strangle her ever day."  
  
Alex sat down on the other side of the man still banging his head on the table, "Why not pass the throne to her again. Go back to the Wardens?"  
  
Alistair slowly lifted his head, Alex saw the sheen in his eyes, "Maker I want to, you have no idea how much. But uncle Teagan and Eamon wont allow it. I'm King, have to stay King. Well this blooming King wants to kill nasties again."  
  
"Fuck what they think," Alex spat, "It's your damn life not theirs. Tell them where they can stick the fucking throne and go back to the Wardens!"  
  
"Maybe, you think I can do that? I've never been good with confrontation, well, except with a pointy end of a sword."  
  
Sebastian shrugged pouring out another cup of wine, pushing it over at the sullen looking man, "Aye, might be a good idea. If nay the Wardens, then come back to Kirkwall with us. Or even to Starkhaven with me when I go back. I could use a good royal bodyguard with ye skills, Alistair."  
  
Alex put a hand over his mouth as Alistair gave Sebastian a pointed look, picking up his cup of wine, "A royal bodyguard? No offence, but I think I'm kind of done being a court jester."  
  
"What about being a Templar again, Alistair. I did hear you were one once."  
  
It was his turn to have the pointed looked directed at him, "I'm not going through all that again. Bad enough they tried to make me kill a girl who took too long in her Harrowing."  
  
"No, I mean as a protector, not all that shit," Alex took the cup from the mans hands when it shook, "Fine, Wardens then. Trust me, I have no fucking love for Templars either, all except one, a good man. Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford."  
  
"Your joking," Alistair's eyes go wide picking the cup up again, drank the entire contents before slamming it down, "We saved him in Kinloch during the blight. He watched all his friends get killed in there. I never knew he went to Kirkwall to be a Knight-Captain!"  
  
Alex nodded, "Yeah, he told me all about the horrors of that place, Kingy. He was sent there on orders from his former Knight-Commander, before the man went mad or some shit. He's been helping me and a few others ferry mage children, elderly and Tranquil mages out from that fucking Gallows place. We got some now, hidden in a hotel not far from here."  
  
Alistair slammed his hands on the table, then winced looking at them, "Yeah don't do that, Alistair. Are you taking them down to Kinloch? Best place for them right now."  
  
"How many Templars are in there," Alex narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Five, and thats it. Their more like guards rather then actual Templars, trust me on that. Theres like twenty mages in there right now, including my cousin Connor."  
  
Alex nodded his head sitting back in his chair, "Then their going to Kinloch for safety. Oh, and about the Alienage, I wanna fix that shit up right."  
  
"Maker, thank you. I've been trying to get funding for that myself," Alistair sighed, "But for some reason, all the money keeps vanishing. Why I haven't been able to do much for them or anyone really."  
  
Sebastian tapped the table, "And the other thing, friend."  
  
"I know. I'm, trying to say it but I can't, alright," Alex swallowed then drank his own wine down in one gulp.  
  
"Alex, it'll be fine, just say it."  
  
He breathed in through his nose, pulling a roll-up from his pocket and lit it, "I'm, I'm looking for-" he slipped his eyes closed, "I'm looking for Daylen Amell. I need, no, I have to tell him about his cousin. What he's done."  
  
"Makers bloody breath, thats what Lel was on about?" Alistair slumped back down in his chair when Alex opened his eyes, "I have no idea where he is. All I heard he just vanished not long after this Broodmother was killed and no-one's seen him since. That was almost three and half years ago."  
  
Alex slumped down in his seat too, "Well thats just bloody perfect. Fuck it," he pushed back from the table sharply, the chair hit the ground and bounced while he stormed around it, "if Carver and him are-" his fisted his hands by his side panting harshly, "Seb, I can't-"  
  
He think he hears Sebastian shout out, but he couldn't hear when panic ran through him again. He thinks he hears someone run up to him, but flinches instead as a pair of arms wrap around him from behind when he starts to slump forward.  
  
"Breathe Alex," someone murmurs in his back, his smoke taken from his mouth, "Breathe slowly, in through your nose, out through your mouth. Andraste's flaming knickers, get Cassidy in here too."  
  
Alex screwed his eyes shut trying to stem down the panic, thinking about what he's going to do, who he's helped so far being here. He shook his head patting Anders arms, the man removed them from Alex's chest pulling his healing away.  
  
"I want to go and see the Alienage now," he murmured out running a hand through his hair.

* * *

  
  
The vhenadahl was burnt to the ground, only a small stump was left behind. No more beautiful leaves that quivered, no more painted truck, nothing but a burnt piece of wood. Alex had his hand over his mouth looking at it as tears rolled down his eyes. Kitty would of wept as much looking at it too.  
  
Anders was running around as usual healing and giving medical advice for those who didn't want magic. Sebastian was once again giving prayers and dishing out stew they managed to get the royal cooks to bloody do, with Alex's stern fucking warning of course. Alistair himself was among them all in his royal armour, shaking hands, even if a small contingent of royal guards were behind him the whole time.  
  
"This place, is a disaster," Cass looked about himself wide eyed with Sarge in his arms, "A void taken disaster. And the poor tree!"  
  
"I know. God fucking dammit, this is just despicable. I wanna know who's been stealing the bloody King's money too," Alex ground out looking at what used to be an orphanage, then shuddered backing away, "Cass, theres something coming from that place."  
  
The taller man cocked head his stepping closer, then sighed shaking his head, "Echo's that once was, sweet boy. Ghosts if you will. A demon once roamed that place, but it's long gone now."  
  
"Mister?" a small voice made him jump then looked down at the small red haired elven child grinning up at him.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
"My mama wants to talk to you," he grinned and pointed at a red haired woman glaring at him with her arms over her chest.  
  
Wow, she didn't look particularly happy when he walked over to her, then offered his forearm to which she just glared at him more.  
  
"Um, have I pissed you off?" he asked her, she just rolled her eyes and shook her head.  
  
"No, no, Shem don't normally give Andraste's arse about us, then you lot come along and take over?" she narrowed her eyes again, putting her finger in his chest, "Who the bloody void do you think you are, huh? Your not taking any of us 'Women' for your sick games!"  
  
Alex puts his hands up and steps back, "God fucking no. Is that what you think? Thats," he shook his head pulling his hood away from his face, "disgusting. Bad enough shit like that happened in the Kirkwall Alienage, till I put a stop to that, Serah. No-one touches them without me and my friends coming down on them like a tonne of bricks."  
  
"Uh huh, 'spect me to believe that horse shit?"  
  
Alex shrugged, "Believe or not, don't care. I'm trying to help you all out, seeing as no-one else gives a crap. Where's your Hahren?"  
  
The red haired womans eyes searched his face, looking at the tattoos running from his bottom lip, then nodded, "Valendrian's in his home. Thats Dalish, right," she waved a hand at him.  
  
"Yes it is. Keeper Marethari of Clan Sabrae gifted these to me while I was, while I recovered from something."  
  
"Shianni, and thats Darrian, my son," the woman offered her forearm and shook his, "I've been yelling and screaming at the bloody king to do something for us for years now. Well, anyone really."  
  
Alex smirked taking her arm on his, her son running ahead with his dogs, Cassidy chuckling behind them as she led them through the rest of the Alienage, "And now you got us sorry sacks of odd balls doing shit. I would say sorry, but I'm not."  
  
"Yeah well," Shianni smiled, "We're all sorry sacks of shit here. Darrian, go get Valendrian, and no you can't have them. Maker, bad enough he has a pet rat."  
  
So many buildings were still standing, empty burnt out husks barely able to hold themselves up with its own weight. Scorch marks still lined the high stone walls surrounding the place, tell tale signs of were the Archdemon rained hell down on them all. Water tricked with a sickly green colour through the center of the Alienage, stagnant smells wafting up when they tread over it. Death, still clung onto everything around him, sunken faces of half starved elves huddled together in corners, stone markers denoting graves lined along several walls.  
  
Alex was disgusted at the state of this place.  
  
A pure white haired man hobbled out of a dilapidated home, his walking stick as gnarled as he was, nodded his head at Shianni's son waving him off. The old man walked slowly over to them and smiled wide.  
  
"Welcome to my Alienage, Da'len. I'm Valendrian," Alex clasped his hand tight, "Thank you, for all of this. You have no idea what it means to me, that someones willing to even hear us out any more."  
  
"After what this blight did, what others have done? I can tell you right now," Alex dipped his head, "Never again. I'll make sure the Alienage will have homes, running fresh water, food from growing crops, even a medical clinic if you want."  
  
Valendrian's eyes started to weep, gripping Alex's hand hard as he shook, "Maker bless you. Creators bless you too. Theres so much to be done, Da'len, thank you."

* * *

  
  
**9:35 Dragon - August.**  
  
It wasn't until a fortnight later, that he first met this Queen Anora. She barked like a fucking bitch at Alistair, demanding more money for her gowns because hers were dusty and dirty coming from RedCliffe. Now he knows where all the fucking money went when he eyed her, sitting like a pampered bitch on the throne, waving her hand at Alistair to go away.  
  
The man, was nothing more then a puppet for her own machinations, for this Teagan and Eamon too when they pushed him out the way for her to sit. Son of a bitch, she even tried to put a stop to the rebuild of the Alienage, all because she didn't like dirty elves.  
  
Alex put his foot down, in the most glorious of ways right in-front of everyone in the royal court.  
  
"You can fuck right off with your indignant bullshit, your majesty," Alex spat pointing his finger at her, "I'm the one funding it, so fucking sit on it you uppity bitch!"  
  
"And who are YOU to be talking to me in such a way," she sneered from her throne, "Your nothing but a filthy little boy with dirty elven writing on his face. Be off with you now."  
  
Alex pulled free from the guards trying to haul him out the grand hall, people were fainting, fanning themselves, even gasping that he dared talk to their Queen that way. Alistair was hiding a laugh behind his hand when Alex stormed right up to her as Anora rose from her hideous looking seat, and pushed his face into hers.  
  
"Bigoted, racist, money grabbing bitch. You steal from those who need it for what, a few dresses?" a small bit of spit landed on her face making her cringe trying to wipe it off, "You disgust me, your majesty. I'm funding it and theres nothing you can do to stop me."  
  
He then turned his ire on the men who were supposed to be Alistair's fucking family, "And you two, good fucking god, don't get me started on you two pieces of mabari shit! He," Alex pointed at the King, "wants to step down from the fucking throne, and yet, you keep him propped up on it like a fucking puppet for your bullshit. He's not your damn pet, he's coming with me back to the Wardens."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU," this Eamon shouted back at him, "You have no right!"  
  
"Oh, but he does," another voice added to everyone shouting, the entire court turned to see several Grey Wardens walk through the great hall, "Alistair is still a warden by rights, which means, he's still oath bound to us."  
  
This tall well built archer strolled in past them all, followed by a giggling female dwarf, and a grumpy looking Dalish woman who looked like she rather be else where. Several others started to filter in the room, keeping everyone at bay. The man stood by the throne dais looking up at them both, then sneered his lip up when Anora spat on the ground right by his foot.  
  
"Howe, what a pleasant surprise," she sat heavily back in her seat.  
  
Alex once overed the man slowly making his way up the dais, and tilted his head. So this was the new Warden Commander, Nathaniel Howe. Grey eyes, black hair and really fucking buff too, an old bow strapped to his back glaring at the Queen as much as she was glaring back at him.  
  
"Not as much as it is to see you, Anora," Howe ground out, "Alistair's coming back with us, end of story."  
  
"Can't we put Connor on the throne?" Alex shrugged looking at the man now looking back at him, then Howe smirked.  
  
"A fine Maker taken idea."  
  
The crowd roared at it, even Anora sat there flabbergasted, "You can't be serious! Putting a mage on the throne is just asking for-"  
  
"NO-ONE ASKED YOU!" Alex shouted at her, "He has every right to sit on the fucking thing, as much as you and Alistair! So do shut your ugly whore painted face, you bigoted bitch."  
  
"YOU DARE!" she shouted back rising then promptly got pushed back down by Howe, "Get your filthy hands off me!"  
  
"He's just a child, my son," Eamon looked down at the ground, sighing, "He wouldn't be ready for any of this even if it were possible."  
  
Alex waved his hand at himself, "Is anyone ever ready to be something their not? I fucking wasn't, now look where I am. Mages, men, women, children, gay, straight, as well as fucking elves and dwarves have as much rights as anyone to be something, to be someone, not shoved under the rug and forgotten. EVERYONE has the same fucking rights as everyone else!"  
  
"But," someone shouted from the crowd, "won't it become like Tevinter? Having a mage rule all of Ferelden?"  
  
"He was an abomination!"  
  
"Didn't he kill everyone in RedCliffe though?"  
  
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose as everyone started voicing their protests, until Eamon slammed his hands down on the table to stand.  
  
"ENOUGH! Thats my son your all talking about. He tried to save my life," he pointed at everyone, "He made a mistake, which the Grey Warden saved him from. He saved my sons life, even when my former wife wanted to brush it under the rug. He wont rule alone."  
  
Anora tried to rise again, and got pushed back in her seat, "You can't be serious Eamon. I wont leave the throne for a mage child!"  
  
"Your the one who didn't want the Alienage to be rebuilt," Teagan spat standing also, "Your the one who refused reforms when there so desperately needed. Your majesty, I full heartedly agree with having Connor on the throne."  
  
Leliana tapped Alex on the shoulder as more arguing and name calling got spat at everyone, "Divine Justinia would agree with this too. I have already sent her a message telling her all whats going on here. Do not know how the rest of the Chantry would react though," she shrugged smirking, "but it'll be a step forward for rights of everyone, no?"  
  
"God I hope so. Otherwise, I've just gone done fucked up, Lee," Alex wrinkled his nose up, "Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metallica - King Nothing - https://youtu.be/8PW7JeFKA-A
> 
> If you don't know who Shianni is, play DA:O, play the city elf origin, then you'll know. Then you'll also know why she has a son for this story.


	30. Poor Twisted Me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinloch ends up being a massive surprise for Alex and Anders get a massive one himself. Then Alex comes face to face with something that knocks him for six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Mild smut at start of chapter, talk of abuse/death/previous stuff. Mild, but its there.
> 
> Metallica - Poor Twisted Me - https://youtu.be/pZZe_nO6ywo

**9:35 Dragon - August.**  
  
Everything on the temporary writing table tumbled to the floor, ink spilled staining the canvas when it fell and broke. Parchment both half finished and empty fluttered about when Cass pushed Alex on the furs, both of them groaning loudly grinding hard against each other. The front of his shirt was ripped open while he fisted the furs behind his head, covering his face with his arms as the tongue lapped down his stomach. Alex arched his back biting his arm hard feeling teeth scrap over his ribs, the front of his leathers being pulled open.  
  
He shuddered a moaning sigh at Cassidy's mouth on him, his wickedly warm tongue flicking his head while his hands roamed upward over his chest. Oh sweet hell, he needed this bad when Cass just took him in his warm mouth, while Alex slowly ground his hips upward into it. He shuddered a moan again when he felt Cass's tail slide inside him, biting his arm even harder at it, twisting his shirt in his teeth so he didn't make so much noise during the day.  
  
All he fucking said, when he moaned again into his arm, was that he was feeling wound up with all this King and elf bullshit. Cass just up and decided to take matters into his own hands, or mouth as it were when he ground his hips again. His leathers got pulled down to around his ankles at some point, allowing his legs to flop open with Cass still sucking him off, his tail stroking him from the inside.  
  
"Fucking hell," Alex panted against his arm, then tried to arch his hips off the furs only to have them pinned down hard by Cass.  
  
"Alex, you busy?" Howe asked from outside the tent.  
  
Alex just shouted a "YES!" to which the man huffed a laugh and left them to it again.  
  
He whined when Cass pulled off him, flopping his arms down to give the man a pointed look, "What the fuck!"  
  
"Shush," Cass just loomed over him taking both of them in hand instead, resting on one arm so he could shove his tongue down Alex's throat.  
  
He joined Cass's hand around both their cocks, frantically bringing them both off. The slick obscene sound of it MUST of been heard outside the damned tent as it was, but neither of them cared when they both came all over Alex's fucking shirt. Cassidy then smirked curling his tongue on the cum on Alex's stomach, humming the entire time while he licked it all clean.  
  
"But, my shirt," Alex whined looking at the tears and cum stains, "God fucking dammit you arse."  
  
Cass just chuckled tugging on his ear, "Next time, maybe don't mention your all wound up tighter then a water clock, hmm."  
  
Alex just pulled the man down for a searing kiss, kicking out of his pants, then groaned into it feeling himself get hard again. _Not right now_ , he thought, _think about kittens, think about your dogs. Think about-_ Alex groaned again pulling back from the kiss.  
  
"You not helping," he breathily said out looking in Cass's eyes, "I'm supposed to be writing letters."  
  
"No, your supposed to be talking to that Howe man," Cassidy snorted tugging on his fringe now, "Not my fault your this void taken horny."  
  
"Ugh."  
  
Alex shucked out of his soiled clothes, washed as best he could from the bucket and put on the soft black short sleeveless hooded shirt, his short leather pants instead. Once again neglecting with small clothes when he buckled his boots up before leaving the tent, Cassidy laughing the whole time at him for being a horny brat.  
  
The taller man had a point, Howe wanted to speak to him as it was for the past few days, except with Anders taking his attention away with his sorries. God, was the buff archer pissed at Anders when the mage told his friends what he did, and where he went afterwards. All of them thought both him and Justice were dead as it was after what they found in the clearing. Alex got to hear the rest of the story from Sigrun and Velanna when they sat down together.  
  
Sigrun was just this bundle of joy, wrapped in giggles when she spoke. Velanna, on the other hand gave him an earful for wearing Vallaslin, until he told her it was a gift. But still, he liked both the women who regaled everything Anders was before he turned into a different man, thanks to Justice.  
  
"He was always flirting," Velanna rolled her eyes huffing out, "always trying to get into everyones clothes. I detest Shem, I think their all repulsive to look at. And he was no different."  
  
Sigrun then piped up, whispering behind her hand, "He got into Nate's pants though. Dunno how, I've been trying for years."  
  
Then they both told him the truth behind Justice. Yes the spirit was confused, was loosing his mind being inside a dead mans body. But he was growing more and more angry as time went on at every injustice around him. It was Nathaniel's unfortunate slip of the tongue, that maybe Justice should find a living host to join with, that he was more then happy to do so. Then Justice started lashing out at everyone, wanting to know why none of them did anything.  
  
Apparently, he was the one who cornered Anders demanding he have the mages body, because the mages selfishness would be better with his Justice.  
  
Alex sat there stunned, rubbing both his temples as he smoked, "Thats not what he told me. So he fucking lied as much as Carver. God take them both right down to hell."  
  
Anders then slumped down next to them, once again trying to hide in Alex's arm pit, "I don't remember half of it though," he muttered, "All I remember is Rolan screaming at me, then a sword in my heart."  
  
He never felt more sick in his life hearing it all, Anders still doesn't remember letting go a piece of magic in the Emporium either.  
  
"Ahh, Alex, there you are," Howe grinned at him from the wooden bench, "Sorry about... earlier."  
  
"Yeah, um, you wanted to talk to me about something?" he tried to hide his blush, but didn't exactly work when Howe just smirked at him.  
  
"I want to take some of the mages back to Vigil's with me. The Tranquil and elderly especially," Howe pulled out his own pipe and lit it, "The younger ones can go to Kinloch, I'll be having a few of my Wardens stay there with them all. And don't worry, I'm not going to conscript any of them. They can help with healing, and if they can't heal, then they can help with rebuilding."  
  
Alex frowned at him, "Are they going to be safe there? What about this Amaranthine place? Velanna said theres nothing left of the city."  
  
"No theres not. The former Commander made a call which I backed. Everyone who could flee, did so," Howe shrugged, "It's still in pieces as it is. I actually want it rebuilt for families of Wardens who join, for the elves that got displaced. My sister, her son and husband are still living in Vigil's. She wants her home back, but with bugger all funding, not much we can do."  
  
Alex sighed out pulling his own smoke from his pocket, "Why is everywhere I look or go, its suffering with lack of funds? Or the hungry and starved faces I see? I just don't get it."  
  
"Neither do I, Alex. Not like Orlais wants to give us anything, because we're all suffering because of the blight," Howe shook his head solemnly, "They hate us and we hate them. Simple as that."  
  
"What about these other Wardens in- er, fuck I don't remember the name."  
  
"Weisshaupt. As if they give a shit about the rest of the Wardens," Howe tipped his pipe into the camp fire, "They didn't send anyone during the blight and they certainly didn't help with the Thaw hunt either. Maker take them all, us Ferelden's do it our way. Even if it means we starve, we bicker and fight like feral mabari, we do it our way."  
  


* * *

  
  
Anders danced on both his feet looking over the lake, fisting his hands on either side of his body before dashing back inside the Spoiled Princess. Then promptly dashed back out holding Sarge tight against this chest, going back to dancing on his feet.  
  
"Andraste's knicker weasels. Can't believe I'm going back in there. Alex," Anders shook his arm, "save me!"  
  
"Your not going to be fucking locked back up, Anders. I'd have a few choice words if they even think about it."  
  
The smaller man then started to flap his arm about at the boat coming over the lake, "Maker, I can't do this. I can't. I just CANT!"  
  
"Fucks sake," Alex grabbed his friend by his shoulders, "You want to see how their treated right? You want to make sure the young ones are safe in there? Nate sent some of his fucking Wardens to be guards for the love of everything. Stop panicking!"  
  
He sighed when Anders just darted back inside the pub, leaving him standing there looking over the lake and the huge bridge that was broken. Why hasn't anyone fixed that shit up, instead of going by boat? He shook his head walking slowly down to the waters edge. Trouble and Major were too busy jumping in and out of the water to give a damn themselves, rolling around in waterlilies and fuck knows what else.  
  
The tower was pretty damn ugly when he eyed it again, ugly, tall and foreboding. Looked nothing like the Gallows, looked like a typical wizards tower from books he used to read back on earth, well she did. Alex snorted when Trouble yelped getting a waterlily stuck on her head, trying to shake it free.  
  
"Come here you silly girl," Alex knelt down, watching her slink over with a 'I'm sorry' look on her face, "I'm not mad. Just, try not rolling around in water that has fuck knows what in it, alright."  
  
Major whined cocking his head to something behind Alex when he threw the flower back into the water, and looked over his shoulder. He froze watching several Templars walk down the slope to the pier, a dark haired figure strung up between them flopping about as they dragged it. He felt anger rise up in him when they just dropped the flopping body on the floor, Trouble and Major growling low in their throat's when the helmed bastards looked over at him.  
  
"Mind your own business," one of them spat.  
  
"Like fuck I will," Alex spat back slowly standing, "Whats that one done?"  
  
"I said," the same Templar spat, slowly drawing his sword from his scabbard, "Mind your own fucking business."  
  
The dogs growled even more, their ears pressed flat against their skulls, dipping both their heads down as this Templar came closer.  
  
"Call them off," another barked, once again putting his hand on his sword on his hip, "Or we'll gut them."  
  
Alex just scoffed, slipping his daggers from his thighs, "You wouldn't stand a chance, bucket face."  
  
"Ahh, leave it out you two. He ain't worth it," a female voice spoke, then kicked the body on the floor, "We need to give this one the Right as it is."  
  
"You got lucky," the second Templar took his hand off his sword, but the first one was still advancing slowly now taking his shield from his back, "Ser William, stand down."  
  
This Templar William just barked a single laugh and went into battle stance, "He's too fucking nosey. Look at the shit on his face. You some kind of knife-ear lover?"  
  
Alex dipped his head lower and grinned, "Smart move there, buddy. You just gone and pissed me off," then slipped into the shadows.  
  
The other two Templars drew their weapons too, charging straight at his dogs. Alex whistled once and the two dogs split up, running behind the charging pair. He on the other hand snuck up behind William, shoved his daggers in through the soft part of his armour and twisted them. The man screamed as he dropped to the floor, trying to stem the tide of blood pouring from his side. Alex slit his neck open when the man pulled his helm off.  
  
_'Dumb move, really dumb move,'_ he thought as he kicked the dead body over.  
  
His dogs were busy keeping the other two entertained, running around in circles, darting out the way at the clumsy strikes from these undertrained Templars. God, where'd they dig these raw recruits from?  
  
The female one, who could of been the voice of reason but kicked the prone body instead, was next for Alex to take down. He kicked her in the back sending her sprawling on the floor with a clatter, then put one knee on her back pushing his dagger in deep, right into her spine before he twisted it out. His dogs now had the other pinned on his front, the man was shaking telling Alex to call them off, that he was sorry. He just scoffed twirling the daggers in his hands kicking the mans helmet off.  
  
"Like fuck your sorry. What did that one do?" he pulled the mans head up with his hair, "Tell me now."  
  
"No-nothing! We-we-we just found him wandering, so-so we brought him here!"  
  
Alex spat at the mans face before pushing it in the dirt, "So he did nothing wrong, you beat him shitless and yet your going to Tranquil him, huh? You sick fuck."  
  
He nodded to his dogs and turned his back on the man as Trouble and Major tore into the back of his neck, re-sheathing his daggers he made his way over to the prone unconscious mage. He knelt down to the dark haired form pulling his lockpick gear from his boot, then set about unshackling him. Anders by then had run out at the second set of screaming, so did everyone else, even this ferryman flapping both his arms about in a panic.  
  
"What in the void did you do?" the man hissed looking at the three dead Templars, "Maker, I'm not paid enough for this shit," and ran off into the woods.  
  
Alex ignored him throwing the first set of shackles away, "Anders I need you. He's hurt bad from those bastards beating on him. They wanted to Tranquil him for no fucking reason."  
  
"Maker take them," Anders spat kneeling down with him, "Ugh, this is why I HATE all Templars, brat. Nice work by the way," he smirked.  
  
The prone form groaned trying to move his head, "No, stay still. Your still shackled, my friend heres trying to heal you," Alex muttered going to his legs.  
  
"I," the dry voice coughed, "I wont go back."  
  
Anders dropped his hands pushing Alex out the way, "Makers breath, we need to get him inside. Alex finished that up in there, Cassidy, help me with him, NOW!"  
  
"What the actual fuck, Anders," he glared at his friend fussing over the man on the ground.  
  
"Not now, alright. I'll tell you later. I think you need to clean the Templars up first though, brat."

* * *

  
  
Alex left Anders, the dogs and the other mage back at the Spoiled Princess while the rest of them went to Kinloch. His friend allowed him to remove the last shackle before telling him to go deal with what they came here to do. He has no idea why Anders just told him to back off when he wanted to know who the Templars had chained. So now here he was looking around the circles library, waiting for this Knight-Commander to come talk to him.  
  
Was a LOT of books on magic and herbs, (No surprise), animals, (Surprising) and legends (Even more surprising.) He ran his fingers gently over the spines while he walked the length of the curved library, occasionally looking at the mages studying quietly, them looking at him occasionally too. A lot of them blushed when he walked past, male, female, elf, human, and started to follow him about when they thought he wasn't looking.  
  
One in particular decided to step in-front of him, holding out a book while he smiled, "You might like this one," then blushed when Alex took it from his hands.  
  
He quirked an eyebrow looking down at the book, he chuckled looking back at the boy, "You even old enough to do that shit?"  
  
"No, but you are," the elven boy blushed even more lowering his head as he smiled.  
  
"How in hell did you even get a dirty book," he asked the very crimson sweet voiced boy, "And whats your name?"  
  
The boy blushed even more hiding his face behind his robes sleeve, "Simon. The older ones like to nick them from the forbidden collection and pass them out."  
  
"Si, leave him alone. Your sixteen for fucks sake!"  
  
"Shut up," Simon whined then looked up at Alex, "I like your tattoos. Their pretty," he blushed again trying to hide his face.  
  
Alex lent down to his ear, which just made the boy flush bright crimson again, "You have a last name, Simon? I like your tattoo too. Dalish, like mine."  
  
"Yes. Like yours, but your not elven," Simon tried to bury his flaxen head in Alex's chest, "Lavellan, my last names Lavellan. Creators, you smell nice."  
  
"Ugh, don't tell Cassidy that, he'd have a heart attack," Alex snickered leaning back up, then sighed when Simon just wrapped his arms around him, "Alright, come tell me why the fuck your not in your clan."  
  
He got dragged by several others to a communal table, books and paper scattered over the entire thing, inkpots and quills sat in the center. Well tried to sit in the center when the table wobbled. He took a piece of parchment from the top, folded it and slid it under one of the legs, with Simon holding onto his other arm. Several teens and younger sat around it grinning at him when he sat down, a few about the same age as him were looking at him through their lashes by the bookshelves.  
  
One, who looked rather like Anders, winked at him, then blew him a kiss before he flounced off, his long blond ponytail swinging as much as his hips.

Alex had to rapidly blink at that. No, he couldn't of had a-  
  
"So, whats your name? We heard a whole load of new baby mages were sent here by people," a dark haired girl asked him, "And Wardens to boot!"  
  
"Alex Knight, and yeah, we did bring some here from Kirkwall. The Tranquil and the elderly ones are heading to Vigil's keep with the Warden Commander," Alex nodded his head at them all, "I got told it was safer here now then before."  
  
The one that looked like young Anders flopped into a seat next to him, "You have NO idea. I've been here since forever and fuck that shit when Uldred went bonkers. And fuck the Templars who used to be here too."  
  
Some of the older ones nodded their heads in agreement. The younger ones just huddled close together which made Alex grind his teeth at it.  
  
"So, pretty boy," Anders copy leaned over to him, gold hoops glinted throughout his ears, even a gold hoop was through his septum, "Can we blow this place, metaphorically speaking of course, and do something more fun? I'm older then him by four years," he then winked smirking.  
  
Simon frowned at him slapping Anders copy away, practically trying to sit on Alex's lap, "Bugger off, Andy. Just because no-one wants to ride you, don't mean you can start trying to ride everyone who comes in here."  
  
"Do shut up Si, your just a baby as it is!" Andy snapped at him, "Not like you know what riding is anyway."  
  
"I CAN READ DICKHEAD!" Simon snapped back at him, sticking his middle finger up, "Anyway, your all talking when he asked ME why I'm not in my clan."  
  
Andy just scoffed slumping down in his chair, flicking his hair out the way, "Fine, whatever."  
  
"I got left out in the cold, Alex," Simon jumped up on the edge of the table to block Andy's view, "My old clan just gave me a pack when I was eleven, and told me to find my own way. So, I did, and ended up here a few months later. I was here when Uldred went all evil blood mage, summoning demons and Creators know what else. A lot of us managed to hide down in the basement, hid in the cells in dark corners so they didn't kill us, or worse," Simon wrinkled his nose up.  
  
Alex furrowed his brow looking at Simon, looking over his Vallaslin and shook his head, "I thought Dalish were better then that. Clan Sabrae gift other mages to new clans who have none. I see you have Ghilan'nain's blood writing, Simon."  
  
"Yes, I got that done before the clan let me go. Your supposed to get them when you come of age," he wrung his sleeves together, "They just gave it to me, and sent me on my way. Didn't even get asked what I wanted. I, I originally come from the Free Marches, but got sent down here when Templars found me trying to heal a Halla. Fitting really, in the end."  
  
The boy then touched Alex's chin, "Yours is Falon'Din and Dirthamen, the twin brothers. You must of been really troubled when you received it then, because humans aren't supposed to wear Vallaslin as it is."  
  
"You have no idea. The Keeper told me it was fitting I chose the twin brothers," Alex smiled taking Simon's hand, "You ever want to go back to the Free Marches?"  
  
"Creators yes, one day, but I do like Ferelden too," Simon grinned then blushed again lowering his eyes, "Will you ever come back here again when you leave?"  
  
"I have no idea, Simon. I got a lot of shit to do in Ferelden before I go back to Kirkwall again," Alex watched Andy push his chair back from the table, looking at him as much as Simon was, with a pained fucking expression.  
  
"So thats it, your just going to leave? Can't you just take some of us with you?" Andy asked him, "Please."  
  
"Andy, SHUT UP! Some of us like it in here now," the girl with dark hair glared at him, "Besides, you want to leave? Your already in trouble trying to run away as it is."  
  
"ONE TIME! I ran away one time," Andy slumped his shoulders, "I don't want to spend the rest of my life in here, you can if you want but I don't."  
  
Everyone went quiet at the sound of heavy boot footfalls, even Alex wrinkled his nose up at the sound of clanking armour.  
  
"Thats enough, go back to studies. Alex Knight if you will," the Templar waved a hand at him to follow, "Sorry for the delay, but the Knight-Commander is a little swamped."  
  
Alex just nodded leaving the mages in the library, looking over his shoulder at Simon and Andy sitting there with both their heads bowed. Maybe, he can ask this Knight-Commander to take them both back with him, or say the Wardens need people. Bend the truth a little. Fuck, he'll think of something when he gets to the mans office.  
  
The man was indeed swamped when they were waved in, paper stacked on-top of paper piled all over the small desk. The man himself had his head bent trying to write on parchment thats seen better days.  
  
"Sorry for the wait," the man lifted his head and sighed, "I'm going to be frank with you, we have too many mages and not enough Templars to go around. I know the Warden Commander sent some of his wardens to help, but we have too many mages over a certain age that are well, rebellious."  
  
Alex sat back in the back and folded his arms over his chest, "And you want to do what, exactly? Tranquil them?"  
  
"Maker no," the man went wide eyed at him, "I mean that they need to be moved to a different circle, or maybe the wardens as it is. My own daughters a mage here, but the thought of her going to somewhere like Kirkwall, fills me with dread. Or worse, be out in the cold where someone may do something to her. She likes it here now without fearing for her life of being assaulted everyday.  
  
I just want them as safe and sound as anyone without repercussions. Even if the wardens were to take some, how many of them would even survive out there? How many would last being in a circle thats highly abusive?"  
  
Alex nodded his head slowly leaning forward tapping the table, "I can take two off your hands right now if you want. But the rest stay here. The Warden Commander sent people for this very reason, Knight-Commander, not only to guard but to have non-warden mages among their number. Not only to be that," Alex pulled out the missive Nate gave him and handed it to the man, "they'd be used for rebuilding, healing, all kinds of work that no-one else wants to do because their too fucking lazy."  
  
"Which two do you have in mind, Knight?"  
  
"Andy and Simon," Alex narrowed his eyes, "Their the ones you want gone, ain't they."  
  
"Andy most of all. He's getting too rebellious as it is, but Simon though?" the man frowned then nodded his head, "Okay I agree to that. And Connor is to go with you too, according to this letter from the King. I wish you the best of luck, Knight, with Andy."  
  
Alex smirked leaving the mans office with a slight spring in his step. Cassidy caught up to him grinning like fool waving his arms about himself, then spun in a circles grinning even more.  
  
"This place, is so void taken amazing. The veil used to be really thin here," he lent on the wall when he got dizzy from spinning, "Okay, don't do that again. But anyway, its not as thin now, whatever happened here snapped it shut tight."  
  
"Then why are are grinning you loon?" Alex barked a laugh when Cass flicked his earring, "You starting mate?"  
  
"I'm grinning, sweet boy, because nothing bad was left behind when it snapped shut. I went checking, just incase. Its all clean. Though," Cass shrugged taking Alex's arm and sent off again, "I did come across one very talkative statue, who I ended up talking too for the past while. She was quite interesting, spoke in riddles a lot as well."  
  
Alex lets out a snort when they went back to the library, "A talking statue? Well, glad I missed out on that, Cass."  
  
Several sounds of gasps and shocked looks came from the mages still sitting in there looking at Cass. One, he heard, knew exactly what the man was and ran out the library in tears. Others were trying to back away when they came closer, which just made Alex sigh out.  
  
"This is Cassidy. I'm guessing some of you know what he is then?"  
  
"Andraste's farts yes," Andy muttered trying to hide behind a bookshelf, "Why the fuck do you have a demon on your arm?"  
  
"Ugh, he's not a demon. He WAS a Desire of Choice, but now he's here," Alex sat down at the communal table again, Cass just bowed his head sitting heavily on one of the chairs, "He's not evil, horrible or nasty alright."  
  
Andy wrinkled up his entire face up and blew a raspberry, then squeaked when Simon slapped his arm, "Creators, he's a spirit not a demon, idiot. And besides," Simon grinned, "he looks like a tailed Qunari."  
  
"As if you know what they look like, brat. Wait... do you?"  
  
"I know I fucking do," Alex muttered then shrugged his arms, "Andy, I have to ask, do you know who your father is?"  
  
Cassidy gave him a weird look, so did Simon when he tried to sit on Alex's lap again. Andy just quickly sat on the other side of him, took his arm still narrowing his eyes at Cass.  
  
"Sort of. All I got told, or rather barked at, that he was a mage from here and that he's dead," the blond shrugged, "That I kinda look like him. Not like I fucking know, I got dragged to Jainen first in chains ten years ago, right away from me mum too. Bastards. Then got sent here with Si before Uldred went nuts."  
  
Alex looked at Cass and motioned with his head mouthing, 'Feathers.' Cass went wide eyed looking the mage on his arm trying to crawl into his lap as well. He nodded putting his hand over his mouth, his tail wrapped tight around Alex's leg, tugging it.  
  
"He needs to know don't you think, sweet boy?"  
  
"OI! He's my pretty boy, not yours. Get your own," Andy spat pointing his finger at Cass, "Same goes for you too, brat."  
  
"Go stuff a sock in it, Andy, I'm not a brat. Creators," Simon lent around Alex and punched the other in the arm, "stop telling me what to do."  
  
Alex rolled his eyes trying hard not to laugh, but did it anyway, "Good fucking god. It's like me and Anders all over again. Cept this is much more funnier, and less Justice being involved."  
  


* * *

  
  
The boat, couldn't go any slower while they crossed the next day with the three mages in tow. Cass stuck his tongue out at Andy again when the tall blond mage glared at him, from the other side of the boat. Connor was just so confused looking between them all, lent on Simon's arm whispering to him, the boy just shrugged shaking his head. Sebastian rolled his eyes as much as Alex was, rowing the boat back to other side. The Prince held a sermon to those who wanted forgiveness for what they did during the uprising, which actually surprised Alex that they were still there to be honest.  
  
The new Knight-Commander, was a pretty damn good man allowing them to remain, only two were made Tranquil because they wanted nothing to do with magic any more, with what Uldred made them do. But still, with Cass's confirmation that the veil was no longer completely torn as it was, made Alex relax a little. Well, sort of, when he looked sideways at Andy sticking his fingers up at Kinloch.  
  
Holy fucking shit, this, was going to be a huge shock when Anders and Andy meet face to face for the first time in twenty years.  
  
"Excuse me, can someone tell me why uncle Alistair is waiting for me?" Connor asked them all confused, "I'm not supposed to leave the circle."  
  
"He's here to take you to Denerim, Connor," Sebastian said for him, which was a relief, "Your going to be living in the royal palace from now on, as your supposed to be."  
  
Connor's eyes went downcast, then hid his face behind his hands, "But, I killed people."  
  
"Your own father said you made a mistake," Alex quietly spoke to him, "You were saved by the Grey Warden, and your free from that Desire, Connor."  
  
"She, was a fiend," Cassidy spat, "A true Desire that takes and takes turns you against your will. It wasn't your fault what you did. She was to blame, and not you. You did what you thought was right at the time."  
  
Connor peaked between his fingers at Cass, then looked up at him fully, "You have no horns like she had. Your tails different too. You look nothing like what she did."  
  
"I am, or was I should say, a Desire of Choice. My horns were shorn from my head by a Necromancer who summoned me, then discarded me like rubbish when he tried to butcher me further," Cass closed his eyes, "If it weren't for Alex, I would of bled to death in snow. Then he would never of found- it doesn't matter any more, I'm not a demon, I'm a spirit."  
  
"But," Connor looked down at his hands when the boat docked, "would it made a difference if a spirit instead of her took me over?"  
  
Alex screwed his eyes shut and sighed through his nose, "Maybe, Connor. I had a friend once who said he was a spirit, when in reality, he was nothing more then a lying piece of shit."  
  
"There was no way of knowing what was going on, friend."  
  
"Sweet boy, don't do this to yourself right now."  
  
He just huffed slamming the oar down waving them all off the boat. Alistair and Connor ran at each other, hugging fiercely, Cass and Sebastian helped Simon from the boat. But Andy, just sat there staring at him when Alex looked.  
  
"What happened?" he asked.  
  
"Every fucking thing, thats what. I trusted two people and they fucking backstabbed me so hard, I vomit at their very memories," Alex pulled a smoke from his pocket and lit it, "I can't stand the sound of Templar armour, because of what almost happened to me, all because it was supposed to be a fucking sting. The whole thing went wrong and I almost got raped by five of them."  
  
He spat into the water shaking his head, "A fucking blood mage tried to put demons in us the first time I fought, I killed her and another with my bare hands. Everytime I close my eyes, I have nightmares that just wont go away for the past two and a halfish fucking years. I saw a child who killed child elves, butchered and abused them because he was fucking sick in the head. I pulled body after body out from the depths of Darktown when it collapsed, the Chantry did NOTHING to help me, to help them."  
  
Alex felt bile rise up in his stomach the more he spoke, "I watched someone I cared abouts twin fucking brother, had become a monster. He killed people for his Necromancy, he butchered them, stitched them together or tore them apart. He killed his own mother and uncle for his sick perverted bullshit.  
  
I've saved countless elves and mages from hunger and abuse all because people like to forget they exist or abuse their authority because they fucking can. And now, the two very people I once cared about, are joined in eternal damnation as host and demon. Their gone to fuck knows where after they killed countless people, hurt my friends too. And that scares me the most that their gone."  
  
Silence hung thick in the air while he stared out across the lake, blowing smoke from his lips digging his nails in deep into his palm. Water lapped gently up the side of the boat, but the silence was almost deafening Alex sitting there. He threw the butt into the water and stood to leave the boat. Andy sat there looking up at him, his golden piercings glinting in the weak morning light parting his lips as to say something, then gave up climbing out the boat too.  
  
Anders came running out with the two dogs then nearly fell flat on his face looking at Andy, ended up falling on his arse instead when he stumbled backwards.  
  
"Andraste's flaming sword, what the fuck! Thats, thats me twenty bloody years ago!"  
  
Andy squeaked just as much looking at the man on the ground, "Makers farts, thats what I'm going to look like when I'm old?"  
  
"HEY!" Anders pointed at him, "I'm not that old."  
  
"Old enough to have a son," Alex chuckled help his friend up from the ground, "Anders, this is Andy. Andy, this is Anders. Your his father by the way if you haven't noticed."  
  
"WHAT!" Anders fell back on the ground again taking Alex with him, "But- but thats impossible! She said she wasn't- I even made sure- Holy shit!"  
  
Andy just looked down at Anders then burst into tears, "Sweet Andraste's pert arse, they told me you were dead, I even grieved for you."  
  
"I think you two need to catch up," Alex muttered pushing Anders off him, or tried too, "Dammit Feathers, get your bloody short arse off me."  
  
Anders rolled off him then pulled him upright, "Maker brat, of all the places," he smiled wide pulling Alex in hard for a hug, "I have a son, I actually have a damn son!"  
  
"And I have a dad. Are you, are you a spirit healer too, like me?"  
  
"Makers breath, yes I am," Anders grinned wide now pulling his tall son in for a hug, "You look just like how I did years ago. Spitting image of me, Andy. Except taller, ugh."  
  
Alex wandered off with the dogs, leaving everyone to deal with everything while he goes to be by himself. Cassidy had a huge pained expression on his face when Alex walked by, but right now, he didn't want to know. He just wanted to be by himself to think. He just wanted to be with his damn dogs, have another smoke, and be alone. Father and son rejoined after all this time, a boy who's going to be the first mage King on Ferelden's throne, and a young elven who fancies the fucking pants off Alex too.  
  
He sat down on some old wooden bench and stared out into the woods of this Bannorn, lighting another smoke. He's just about had it with everything, running his hands over Troubles and Major's head, both of their tongues lolling out from the side of their mouths panting happily. Alex wondered if this Daylen ended up feeling the same way with how he just up and vanished. Then shook his head, no, this arsehole was related to Hawke, he's going to be just the same as them even though everyone said he wasn't.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" a quiet voice shook him out of his musings.  
  
"Depends on what my dogs say," Alex ground out, flicking ash on the ground, "What do you say you two?"  
  
Both of them boofed and stood up, still panting happily watching the person sit next to him, carefully.  
  
"Maker, you two are cute. I had a mabari once," the voice muttered running his hand over Major's head, "he died when the Archdemon stood on him. Broke my heart, I loved Dog."  
  
Alex slowly looked over at the voice, "The Archdemon stood on him? What the hell. Why was your dog fighting the Archdemon?"  
  
"Because I was stupid. I was only sixteen, everyone expected me to know what I was doing," he shook his head, "I sent the only thing I loved outside the circle against it and he died because I was stupid."  
  
"Holy shit," the smoke fell onto the ground looking at the person sitting next to him. The tattooed face and arms, the long raven black braided hair, the piercing blue eyes. Bile rose up in his mouth looking at him, it was just like looking at his own face, "Your, your Daylen Amell?"  
  
Daylen flinched at him, looking like he wanted to bolt then looked down at the ground, gripping the bench tight, "I, I didn't want anyone to recognise me, you know. It's been years since all that."  
  
Alex looked him over then screwed his eyes shut looking away, "I only know somewhat from your description, and what Anders, Leliana and Zevran told me."  
  
"Oh, well thats just perfect. I just wanted to hide, not have everyone try and find me."  
  
"Until the Templars found you," Alex spat moving away from him, "What has Anders told you?"  
  
Daylen put his head on Major's, wrapping his arms around Alex's fucking dogs neck, "They only found me because I was trying to help someone, backfired a bit when the person I helped was a Templar. Anders hasn't told me that much, other then his friend Alex is probably going to kill me being related to someone I don't even know."  
  
"I may just kill you, if you turn out to be like your mother fucking cousins," Alex glared at him, "Warden or no, Anders knows I can and will do it too."  
  
"I don't even know who they are!" Daylen backed away on the seat, "Maker you have to believe me. I, I heard everything you said, sounds," he started to sniff, "like me. Except you don't have warden nightmares making you wish you could pluck out your brain, so they'll stop."  
  
Alex leaned back on the bench, looking Daylen over again, "Where have you fucking been these past few years?"  
  
"I, I took up with some Dalish that came down from the Free Marches," he sniffed again wiping his eyes, "They took me in when I stumbled into their camp half starved, because I was stupid.I didn't take any rations with me. I, I spent the past few years with them until they went north again, leaving me behind. And then I had to go and help someone who needed it. I didn't want to be Warden Commander, Maker I only just turned seventeen then. And they put all that on me? And then having to go through all those horrors again with talking Darkspawn, I just gave up."  
  
"What clan?"  
  
Daylen wiped his face again looking over Alex's, then raised an eyebrow looking at the tattoos on his chin, "Lavellan. They said they just got rid of one mage and to have another among them was bad luck. I showed them I can use a sword and shield without magic, they accepted it. Thats Falon'Din and Dirthamen Vallaslin, I have them both on my back."  
  
"Simon," Alex pinched his nose and growled, "Fucking hell, that was Simon's clan, who's now in the Spoiled Princess, who's going to come back with me to Kirkwall. And yes, it's the twin brothers. Ironic really, considering the Hawkes were twins. Carver and Maurevar Hawke, who I thought were good people, turned out we were all very very wrong."  
  
"I still don't know who they are," Daylen frowned looking at the ground again, "I barely remember my mother, let alone my brothers and sisters now. Why would one of them be with a demon of all things?"  
  
Alex shrugged, "I'm still trying to figure that one out. But you should know, considering you knew Justice before he went mad."  
  
"Anders told me that bit," Daylen sighed looking back at Alex, "I knew Justice would end up doing something stupid. Why I ended up not talking to him any more. Or anyone else really. I just wanted to be left alone, even with the Dalish, I just wanted to be left alone."  
  
Silence hung between for a while, both of them sitting there looking out into the woods. Wind rustled through the leaves, ruffling both their hair. Trouble and Major were busy chasing each other around the trees, then Daylen started moving closer to Alex.  
  
He wanted to back away when the other one laid his head on Alex's shoulder and started to sob quietly on it. He just didn't know what to do as the sobbing got heartwracking on him, Daylen's entire body shook with how much he was crying, then screwed his eyes shut, putting his arm around the others shoulder.  
  
This, was going against everything in him, going against everything he thought the other would be, but these heartwracking body shuddering sounds were ripping right through him.  
  
He then went against everything else in him when he murmured in the raven black hair, "Come to Kirkwall with us when we go back. We can give you a home where no-one's going to care who you are."


	31. Driftwood.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the way and at Vigil's keep, Daylen and Alex talk more, they have FAR more in common then Alex thought, besides looking alike. He also comes to a conclusion about the Black Emporium.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Travis - Driftwood - https://youtu.be/zzUdJ-5fscA

**9:35 Dragon - Kingsway.**  
  
Alex tucked the letters in his pouch looking over to the two bickering pale haired mages. Andy and Simon bickered like siblings, punching the other in the arm, then whining because it hurt. He snorted shaking his head, Lee was like that to him when they got older.  
  
He looked over at Daylen, who just had his head bowed not talking to anyone at all. Bad enough both him and Daylen looked near identical as it was, just, different eye colour, different hair styles and Alex was pierced. He even caught a glimpse of the tattoo on Daylen's back, and nearly fell down the tavern steps at how similar looking it was to the sword, scale and fucking wings.  
  
He wanted to be sick looking at Dirthamen and Falon'Din's rendition of his own tattoo on his back. But then again, the tattoo from his bottom lip down his chest almost mirrors the one on Daylen's fucking face, just, not Dalish looking like his own.  
  
Ugh, Alex tilted his head up to the sky wrinkling his nose up, before flicking his hand under his chin at it.  
  
"Friend, the Makers going to end up getting angry with you if you do that again," Sebastian chuckled from behind.  
  
"Not doing it to him, Seb. Doing it to God," Alex shrugged, "Arsehole has a shitty sense of humour."  
  
Sebastian wrapped his arm around Alex's shoulder, "Do you not find it, odd, that both our gods are similar? I know you nay worship either, but its all a little coincidental?"  
  
"I've been thinking about that myself too. Its like," Alex slid his fingers together and twisted them, "everythings connected but yet twisted at the same time. Can't wrap my head around it still."  
  
"Maybe it is. What did you call it before?"  
  
Alex sighed looking at the Prince, "A parallel universe. Like, something happened the moment I died? I don't know," he ended up whining.  
  
"Aye, all we and you know, it is. May never know, friend."  
  
He nodded when Sebastian left to walk with Anders and his son, Simon was busy talking animatedly with Cassidy. The taller man barked a laugh then picked him up, putting him on his shoulders while they walked still talking. Trouble and Major walked between himself and Daylen, the other running his hand over Major's head every now and again, sighing.  
  
They were all walking to Vigil's keep, would all ride horses there, but with the blight killing most off and the roads still being repaired they had to walk most of the way. Occasionally catching rides on the back of merchant carts that trundled by or farmers wagons. It was pleasant enough walking through this Bannorn and its countryside, reminds him so much of England at times, it kinda hurt.  
  
"Who's God?" a quiet voice asked him, "And, whats a parallel universe?"  
  
Alex lowered his head at Daylen, "God was someone some people worship where I'm from. A parallel universe, is a little more hard to explain."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Look, I'm not from here alright," Alex spat, "I died where I came from, I ended up here a nineteen year old boy, kay. And before you ask, no, not from the fucking fade."  
  
Daylen frowned looking at him, then quirked an eyebrow, "Then why do you look like me? I, I don't understand."  
  
"Buggered if I know. I'm still trying to work all that shit out two and a half years later, Dayglo," Alex screwed his eyes up turning the other way. Did he really just give him a nickname, like he's been doing with everyone else? Ugh.  
  
He felt destitute again looking down at his hands, then heaved out a long sigh flicking his fringe from his face. Alex pulled out one of the letters from his pouch, and decided to read it so his mind wasn't screaming bloody murder at him. It was from Varric, he smiled opening the fancy stamped thing, all the while Daylen sidled closer to him without his knowledge. Dated a few weeks ago, yeah, not surprising considering they've all been too busy with everything else to check the ravens.  
  
Everything was fine, Snowy and Kitty had an argument about something, which only ended up bringing them even closer. "Bully for them," Alex muttered under his breath shoving that one in his pocket, pulling out roll-up instead of reading the rest.  
  
He felt someone exceptionally close, then flinched at Daylen walking right next to him watching everything he does.  
  
"Can I help you?" Alex glared at him.  
  
"Dayglo? Never heard that one before. And," Daylen eyed the smoke from his mouth and looked away, "what do you mean you ended up being a nineteen year old boy?"  
  
Alex blew the smoke out from his nose in annoyance, "I was, a forty-five year old woman when I fucking died, kay. I was killed, run over, splat, a smear on the mother fucking ground. I remember it as clear as day," he shook his head, "Then I woke up with people trying to pull me free from a whole load of shit I was under. Then, I woke up in Anders clinic sometime later. I freaked out when I looked down at myself, I wasn't supposed to be alive, let alone twenty-five plus years younger and male. And Dayglo, is just a nickname. I tend to give people them as much as my friend Varric. Or Snoopy, because he's just that, a sneaky, nosey, snoopy fucking awesome dwarf."  
  
"Are you two fighting back there?" Anders chuckled from the front, "Brat, Day, behave."  
  
"Oh go fuck yourself," Alex sniffed waving his hand at his friend, "What you gonna do, da, spank the whole lot of us? Don't think Donnic would approve, do you?"  
  
Anders jaw dropped, then burst out laughing putting his middle finger up at him, "Makers fucking balls, brat. Watch your tone with me. Auntie Isabela would approve though."  
  
It was Alex's turn to burst out laughing, sticking his fingers back up at him. Andy just looked between the two of them, utterly stumped by it all. Even Simon was giggling from Cassidy's shoulders, little balls of mage lights danced around his head like butterfly's.  
  
"Isabela, why do I know that name?" Daylen frowned looking back at Alex, then slammed a hand over his face, "Oh sweet Maker, that was the pirate in the Pearl trying to get in Leliana's smalls. Then she gave me a sucker patting me on the head, saying I was a sweet boy."  
  
"Day, why were you in the Pearl at your age?" Anders stopped everyone to look at him.  
  
Daylen blushed trying to hide in his shirt, "Had to go in there for a few errands. She was fighting off three men who wanted their money back. I wanted her to teach me how she fought, but she brushed me off to talk to the 'Adults.' I ended up sitting at the bar with a cup of milk and the sucker waiting for everyone."  
  
"Bloody hell. I'm going to kick her so hard when we get back," Alex chuckled, "She never gave me a sucker, bitch. Just calls me pup!"  
  
"No, but she did kiss you something rotten," Anders shouted from the front when they resumed again, "Then Merrill, then Fenris, then-"  
  
Alex threw a dirt wad at the back of his head, "Shut up. I never kissed Snowy, that was you! And you kissed me too. Still think your the worst healer there is, Anders. I mean, really, kissing patient's to heal them. What kind of bullshits that?"  
  
"I got paid though when I tried it, brat," the man snickered.  
  
"UGH! I'm telling on you," he snarked, "Donnic, Anders kissed me saying it was healing magic."  
  
Everyone burst out laughing when the petite mage went bright red, trying to pull his hood over his face. Even his son was laughing at him, wrapping his arm around his fathers shoulders, then ended up with Anders laughing too.  
  
"Sweet boy, your in so much trouble."  
  
"No I'm not," Alex smirked at Cassidy, "Just saying it like it is."  
  
The taller man smirked back shaking his head, then reached up plucking the mage light butterfly grinning at it, whispering something, then sent to over to Alex. He frowned when it flittered in his face before it burst on his cheek like a kiss.  
  
"OI! You sneaky shit!"  
  
Cassidy just shrugged then ran off ahead with Simon still on his shoulders, the pair of them giggling like girls.  
  
"So, Isabela's in Kirkwall now? Maker, wonder if theres going to be anyone else I know from Ferelden there too," Daylen asked him, very very much too close again.  
  
"Knight-Captain Cullen is there. He, he mentioned what happened to him in Kinloch," he tried to step away but Daylen stayed close like a shadow, "I've been helping him get certain mages in dire need out from the Gallows, with Anders and Snowy's help."  
  
"Makers breath, Cullen's there?" Daylen's face fell, "I, I had a huge crush on him when I was in Kinloch. But, he's helping you with mages, even though- Thank you."  
  
Alex shrugged flicking his butt away, "Yeah he is. I wouldn't worry about it though. And, well, your welcome, Dayglo."  
  
Daylen nodded smiling at him. Then did something that made Alex nearly shout at, he wrapped an arm around his shoulders, resting his damn head on him. Alex swallowed sharply at it, trying his damnedest not to screw his eyes up. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as the hand gently squeezed his shoulder, Daylen's breath against the side of his neck, then ended up screwing his eyes shut anyway.  
  
Alex didn't want to turn his head to look at him, he didn't want to see when he opened his eyes, he swallowed sharply again fisting his hands into balls looking at Daylen, looking back at him too. His whole body started to shake when he looked away, looking at the massive stone wall coming up in the distance.  
  
"Why, why are you shaking, Alex?" he asked pulling away, then sighed, "Wonderful, lets hope they don't drag me into being Commander again. I wont do it."  
  
Someone came through what looked like huge gates, and started to come towards them as they got closer. Alex could see flame red hair the closer they got, he ducked his head when he realised who it was. Aveline, was coming to meet them half way. Anders squealed loudly running up to meet her, but Alex didn't look at it, the ground was far more interesting right now then talking or getting involved with all that.  
  
"Alex?" Daylen stood in-front of him now, blocking his nice patch of ground with booted feet, his hands were out were he could see them when he slowly lifted his head to look at him again.  
  
"You scare me," was all he said before he turned left with his dogs and ran into the woods with them.  
  


* * *

  
  
"You know," Nate smirked at Alex when he tried to sneak in the Vigil's mess hall in the middle of the night, "You remind me of someone."  
  
Alex stood there slumping his shoulder coming out of the shadows, Trouble and Major both boofed at the same time nudging both his hands, "If your going to say, 'I remind you of a younger you,' you can piss right off with it."  
  
Nate just snorted waving his hand for Alex to sit at the same table as him, "Maker no. I was going to say, you remind me of Anders trying his hardest to sneak into the mess hall late at night. Though, your shadow skills are a hundred times better then his flailing about trying to sneak, drunk."  
  
"Anders... drunk?" he sat down opposite the man, "I've never seen him drunk in the time since I've known him."  
  
Nate just shrugged pushing the bottle of wine over to him, "He almost out-drank our former resident walking brewery once. We had to have Velanna try and expunge his stomach, because he was a fool."  
  
"God, I would loved to of seen that. Giggles and Prickles said he was a massive flirt too, got into your pants apparently," Alex smirked pouring out a hefty glass of wine, "Though he did say, you didn't have a sense of humour because of the stick up your arse."  
  
Nate slammed his face onto the table, banging his head, "I'm going to kill Siggy when I see her. He never got into my pants at all," the man began to laugh on the table, "That was Velanna."  
  
"Wait, she got into your pants, or he got into hers?"  
  
"She got into mine, Alex," Nate grinned looking up at him, pulling the bottle of wine over, "Anders never got anywhere, other then face first on the floor."  
  
Alex put a hand over his mouth trying hard not to laugh, "God, poor bastard."  
  
"What were you doing out there on your own, hmm? You gave everyone a heart attack running away. That Prince, said to just leave you be," Nate narrowed his eyes at him, "The really tall one, was fretting like a new father at the whole thing. Even Daylen wondered what he did wrong when you said he scared you."  
  
"Do I really have to fucking tell everyone?" Alex looked at him pained, "Do I seriously have to keep throwing up every fucking time I talk about it?"  
  
Nate shook his head, "No you don't. I've already been told what happened. Anders told me everything, practically sobbing his heart out because he thinks its all his fault. Me," he shrugged, "I should of just kept my mouth shut, should of known better then to put ideas into a so called spirits head. If it wasn't for what I said, none of this would of happened. We should of just killed Justice when we had the chance."  
  
"Yeah, but, fucking Carver and his damn Brother would still of done the same shit," Alex spat, "You should of known better? I didn't know any better myself. I'm still fucking learning about everything here as it is, and, and-" he felt tears well up in his eyes, "And now, I'm trying to fix everyone else's shit because I can't fix my own."  
  
"That maybe so about the Hawkes, but Justice should never of happened in the first place. He should never of been able to be free himself from Anders either."  
  
Alex slumped down in his chair, "Yeah, I know. Can we- can we not talk about this any more?"  
  
"You two need to talk. Maker, when I saw Daylen again after seeing you, it was like looking at a reflection," Nate tapped the table as he stood, "Talk."  
  
Alex put his head in his hands as he sat there on his own. He just didn't want to talk, he didn't want to keep talking about this any more, and wished to everything, it would just go the fuck away. He just wanted to go home now. He just wanted to go back to Kirkwall with his dogs. Alex sucked in a shuddering breath behind his hands, gripping his hair tight when he felt the first tears fall onto the table. He's so sick of all this hurt in him, he's sick of feeling this way.  
  
He thought going with Marethari was going to help, but it hasn't has it. It's made everything worse.  
  
No, he can't blame her. It wasn't her fault. He found a Halla calf, he got tattooed when it's forbidden for any human to have them. He learned so many things in his short time with them, and they all accepted him with open arms.  
  
Alex sucked in a few more shuddering breaths tilting his head up at the wood beamed ceiling. _Think about how you spent hours trying to find the kitten for Anders, with its golden eyes and soft grey fur. Think about your two dogs who love you very much, never leaving your side. Think about all the friends you've made. Think about all the people you've helped so far._ Alex bit his lip when he closed his eyes again with his head still tilted back.  
  
He nodded his head slowly opening his eyes, then widen at Daylen looking down at him from behind his chair chewing his bottom lip.  
  
"What, what ever I said, I'm sorry," he chewed his lip again, "I, I just don't know why I scare you."  
  
"Because your related to them," Alex said out sadly looking forward again, "It's not your fault."  
  
Daylen sat next to him, looking down at his fingers he was wringing together, "But I'm not. I'm an Amell not a Hawke. I, I just can't stand blood magic, after what my friend did to me, to the girl he loved too. He lied to all of us about what he was, then tried to kill us thinking it was a good idea when he escaped. I helped him, because I was stupid, and I nearly died because of him. He's dead now."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
Daylen shook his head, "Don't be. I guess you don't know someone till you know them."  
  
Alex sat upright in his chair staring at the other one, "Good God, I said those exact same words to Cassidy! Exactly those very words."  
  
"You... did?" he looked up at Alex with eyes just as wide as his, "I, I just don't want you to be scared of me. I've never spoken so much to someone before, not even with Justice. Never, never wanted to."  
  
Alex frowned looking at the wine bottle, then pushed it over to Daylen, "You drink?"  
  
"Never tried. Never smoked either, or-" he blushed looking away, "I've not done much other then hide. Or fight, or cry."  
  
"Ugh, well thats going to change, Dayglo. Just," Alex poured out a small glass of wine, "try it, if you don't like, theres always mead. And don't smoke, its a terrible habit," he smirked.  
  
Daylen tentatively tried the wine, then screwed his face up shaking his head, "Bitter. I've never tried mead, is it sweet?"  
  
"Yeah it is. I prefer it myself over wine, but if it's there, I'll drink it out of courtesy," Alex shrugged, "Though I do have a taste for Rivaini coffee at the moment."  
  
"Me too," Daylen chuckled, "And Antivan food. All that spicy sweet heat? Its delicious. Haven't had any of that in years."  
  
"Kirkwall has an Antivan/Rivaini restaurant Snoopy took us all to for my twenty-first. I'm thinking about just putting my bed in there, so I can have it every day."  
  
Daylen laughed even more nodding his head, "Maker, not before I do it first. Did your piercings hurt?"  
  
"Fuck no. I did have more in my face, but I took them all out sometime ago. Why?"  
  
"I," his twin blushed looking away, "I kind of like them. I always wanted some when Anders came back from one of his escapes, both his ears were full of piercings, he even had a nipple ring he showed off to everyone."  
  
Alex put his hand over his face laughing hard behind it, "Like father like son," he wheezed, "Oh God."  
  
"Do you think I can get some?" Daylen then blushed even more, "I mean piercings," he said out quickly.  
  
"I dunno," Alex snorted waving his hand at him, "You sure you want to look more like me?"  
  
Daylen lowered his head, the blush going right down his neck, "We all ready look the same."  
  
"You do realise if you do get them," Alex narrowed his eyes, "everyone will think we're fucking twins, right? Especially if you get the exact same ones."  
  
His copy nodded his head looking up at him through his lashes, "We're already twins, Alex. Your doing everything I wanted to do, that I could never finish because I ran away."  
  
"Reflections," Alex mumbled under his breath, then widened his eyes shooting up off the chair, "Oh my God. Oh, MY FUCKING GOD! I need to find Anders, I, I-" he grabbed Daylen's hand pulling him up out the chair looking him over, "I'm such an idiot."  
  


* * *

  
  
Anders glared at him sitting up in bed, "What in the void are you on about now?"  
  
"Take off your bloody shirt, Anders."  
  
"BRAT! What the fucks wrong with you? Day, what's he on about?"  
  
Daylen just shrugged as he sat down, "I don't know."  
  
Alex pinched the bridge of his nose, flapping his hand at his friend, "Just, take off you shirt, and no its not for anything sexual you pervert. I need to see your tattoos and scars."  
  
"Fine," Anders stood pulling his sleep shirt over head before throwing it at Alex, "There, happy now?"  
  
Alex skimmed his eyes over Anders scar over his heart, the one over his navel, then to the tattoos etched on him. He felt sick rise up in his throat when he slumped down on the floor, then asked, "How did Justice look, Anders? How exactly did you see him the first time you all met? What were you thinking right at that moment?"  
  
Anders frowned wrinkling his nose up at Alex, "Whats that got to do with-" he then paled sitting down heavily on the edge of his bed, "I was thinking at the time, 'What I wouldn't give to look like a tall well built man.' Oh, sweet Maker, Justice was just that when we met him! He was just that when he, when he came out the mirror. He was exactly what I wanted to look like as well."  
  
"EXACTLY!" Alex yelled laying flat out on the floor, "He had the faint tracings of your tattoos. Even the same fucking scars, mannerisms, quirks. Anders, he's your alter ego. He took your want to be something else," Alex banged his fists on the floor at it, "and became that! Seriously, did you really want to have a cock that large?"  
  
"But- but what about the poxy mirror?" Anders sputtered flopping on-top of Alex, grabbing hold of his shirt and shook him, "Its my fault isn't it, its all my Maker taken fault!"  
  
Alex took his friends shoulders, "No it's not. We need to go back to Xenon, you need to see the mirror for yourself. You too Dayglo, because I have a theory."  
  
"What in the Makers name are you talking about now, brat?" Anders whined softly banging his head in Alex's chest now.  
  
"Reflections, everything comes back to reflections, Anders. Cass saw his own as a pale grey skinned Qunari because thats what we want people to see him as, but it never showed my own. Because I'm already my reflection," he points to Daylen, "I'm already what I'm supposed to be. What I wanted to be like when I was a she."  
  
"How is that even possible?" Daylen asked in a quiet voice joining them both in the floor, "Why this mirror in particular?"  
  
Anders just scoffed on Alex's chest, "Because it's supposed to change how you look. Its elven, thats all I know. I never even got a chance to use it, would of liked to of been taller like my bloody son."  
  
"Ugh, your fine as you are, mon petite feather mage."  
  
Daylen snorted tugging on Anders ponytail, "You wanted to have a large dick, Anders. Really?"  
  
"Shut up, both of you. Makers wrinkly balls, you two are as bad as each other. And I didn't even see it," he flopped his head back down on Alex's chest, "I'm such an idiot."  
  
"I'll send a letter to Snoopy tomorrow, and Kitty. She needs to come with me too, maybe she knows more about the mirror then Xenon does," Alex banged the back of his head against the floor, "I'm the idiot, Anders, I should of opened my bloody eyes wider instead of stumbling around in the dark."  
  
"Brat, it's not your fault. You had no idea, we had no idea either," the mage then poked his chest, "You basically fucked me, by the way. Hows them apples."  
  
"Thank you, so very much for that. I hate you so fucking much right now it's not even funny."  
  
"I thought you loved me," Anders bats his eyelashes then balks, "Oh, wrong thing to say. Sorry."  
  
Alex sighed shaking his head, pulling his twin down to lay with them, "I also gotta ask, what happened to you after Justice happened? Did you faint, feel sick, what happened afterwards?"  
  
Daylen smiled resting his head on Alex shoulder when Anders lent up on his chest, "Maker, you still have no idea how weird it is looking at you two right now. All thats missing are piercings. Ugh, anyway, I did faint. I passed out right before Justice came out the mirror. Felt like my insides were on fire when I woke back up with Fenris yelling at me, practically threatening to pull my heart out my chest waving at naked Justice standing there. Why?"  
  
"Theory, Anders. I'll tell you when we get back to Kirkwall. No, don't start, just," Alex yawned closing his eyes, "go to sleep, I don't wanna move."  
  
"Fine, I'm too comfy myself," Anders snorted nestling back down, "like old times, huh, Day."  
  
Daylen chuckled nodding his head on Alex's shoulder, "Maker, yes. I think our record for getting the most people to sleep in one bed, was fifteen. Even Owain joined us when he wandered on by."  
  
"Do I even want to know?" Alex whined quietly, then blushed when Daylen kissed his cheek, "What was that for?"  
  
"Was nothing like that. I may of been the quiet one in Kinloch, but I still participated in silly things. Like fitting fifteen people in a single bed, until it broke," he then kissed Alex's cheek again, and murmured in his ear, "I just wanted to do that. I'm sorry, for everything, but, I just don't want you to hate me, Alex."  
  
Alex tilted his head over to his copy, Anders was snoring quietly on his chest now, sighing looking into pale blue eyes, "It's not your fault. It's mine and my burden to bear. I, I just didn't want everyone to get caught up in it, but they are. Their affected by it as much as I am, Dayglo. If you want, I can pierce you tomorrow, I need a hair cut as it is."  
  
"Shorter hair?"  
  
Alex smiled slightly, "Yeah, think it's time for a little change. Still won't give up my leathers for no-one," he chuckled quietly, "Rogue after all. And I like the smell."  
  
"Me too. The way they move, the way they sound when you move or the breeze ruffles them," Daylen smiled back, "And, I would very much like to be pierced. Can you, can you teach me," he blushed again brushing his nose right against Alex's, "things? I mean- I- Maker."  
  
"Depends on what, things?" Alex frowned.  
  
"Everything," Daylen sighed closing his eyes snuggling up tighter to him, going to sleep.


	32. Once more, another Interlude.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Cassandra talk mansion.

**9:40 Dragon - The Hawke Mansion.**  
  
Cassandra shook her head sitting back in her chair again. Maker take her, this was getting out of hand. She had no idea it would be like this, but the dwarf was on the verge of yelling again, rubbing the stump of his leg when he threw his fake one at her.  
  
"Dammit it Seeker, give it back."  
  
"Are you anywhere near done, Varric?"  
  
Varric scoffed loudly in the room, adjusting the wooden leg before putting it down, "Not even close. Maferaths balls, they barely got a month in Kirkwall before more weird shit started. I swear it just got worse over the years."  
  
Cassandra slumped her shoulders, picking at the front of her armour before sighing, "Maker forgive me. Maybe I should just send you on your way Varric. But, I need to hear more, even if it is all," she waved a hand in the air and slumped further down in the chair, "Why is the mansion still called Hawke mansion when its Knights?"  
  
"He was putting his fingers up at the man," Varric snorted, "He nearly clobbered me when he got back and saw what I did with the rest of the shit."  
  
"Ahh yes, the swords, scales and wings everywhere. I do have to say," Cassandra smiled looking about again, "it is rather fetching. What was it all before?"  
  
The dwarf rolled his eyes, "Red and gold, the Hawke family crest on everything. I think black and grey is much better in my opinion."  
  
"I do have to agree with you on that. Are you ready to continue, Varric?"  
  
"Damn straight. It was just a month later when they got back-"


	33. Unfinished Sympathy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang comes back to Kirkwall. Daylen has some massive feels for Alex and gets a little taste of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masturbation in chapter.
> 
> Massive Attack - Unfinished Sympathy - https://youtu.be/DTQ6JjAEdGA

**9:35 Dragon - Harvestmere.**  
  
Daylen lent on the rails looking over Kirkwall coming into view. He barely remembers being from here as it was, let alone his own family any more. He wondered if his own mother would remember him, if she was even still here. Daylen shook his head, he highly doubted that she would be, considering neither Alex nor Anders mentioned any Amells that were living any more. Maybe he's the last one now, his brothers and sisters were Maker knows where too.  
  
Major looked up at him and boofed loudly with his head through the railings, which made him smile, running his hand over the mabari's strong back. He did miss Dog something terrible, he was just so stupid to send him against the Archdemon, he was just so stupid to even agree to half the things he did. Then he got made a hero for it all? It still felt like a kick in the teeth.  
  
Daylen frowned as the boat went past what looked like a prison, then shuddered looking it over. Magic danced over his tongue, Maker, it was unpleasant when he shook his head to brush it away.  
  
The smell of the salt air was nice when they crossed the Waking Sea, the salt spray that splashed over his face made his tongue twitch the first time he licked his lips, then smiled at it. Even with being an eternal Warden, even with being a free mage, even being with the Dalish, he's never felt more free now then he's done in years. Daylen looked over his shoulder at Alex, blushing slightly at his twin. He still couldn't wrap his head around anything what he was either.  
  
He went through as much pain and hurt as he did, and then some. He had a little over a year and half of things, where Alex had almost double that time. Daylen blushed even more when his twin looked at him and dipped his head before getting pulled away by Simon wanting to talk to him.  
  
Maker, the younger elven was sweet, and flabbergasted looking at them both, blushing bright crimson before hiding his face in Alex's chest. Everyone was stunned the weeks previous when they both walked into the great hall of Denerim palace near identical looking. Alex in his Champion leathers, himself wearing black and grey Battlemage armour that somehow magically appeared in his tent one day.   
  
But the work that Alex had done so far, was truly amazing.  
  
The Alienage was being rebuilt from the ground up, Connor was going to be sitting on the throne instead of Alistair and Anora. Which in all honesty, was a better fit then either of them. Anora was still her typical bitchy self when he met her again, no change there. Alistair was over the moons that he was safe and sound, giving him a huge hug then a talking to, before he left to be a Warden once more.  
  
Maker, feels like he lived a lifetime in such a short time already, and quite frankly, he wanted more. A lot more. He's never wanted for nothing, he never did, even during the blight, he never wanted anything other then Dog. Morrigan would huff and scoff when he gave everything away, Shayle would roll her glowing eyes at him, then grin asking if she could crush more birds. Wynne, he did miss her, where ever she and Shayle are now, he hopes their both safe.   
  
The one that surprised him the most when Alex told him, was Sten. He was now the new Arishok in Par Vollen, all the better to him.  
  
Leliana was still the same, still kept more then tight lipped about her and Morrigan's relationship, Zevran was still Zevran, apparently. Was just a shame Oghren had to go and die before he got to see him again. Daylen bowed his head remembering the drunken dwarf, how happy he was being a Warden, having a daughter with Felsi, and now... he's gone.  
  
"I hope your ready," a voice shook him out of his remembrance, and smiled as Alex lent on the railings next to him, "I wanna see how long it takes for everyone to notice."  
  
"Cassidy almost couldn't," Daylen blushed looking down at the water, "I was so not prepared for any of that, by the way."  
  
Alex barked a loud laugh, throwing his head back, "No-one ever is with him. So yeah, sorry bout that, I think he's learned his lesson to look first before trying to kiss someone."  
  
"I still can't fathom how you two are in a relationship as it is!" Daylen leaned on the railings too, looking over at his twin.  
  
"Actually, we're not. It's, its difficult to explain. I just didn't want to delve head first into something again, and he accepted that," Alex shrugged, "Lover on no, he wants to remain by my side. I care about him as much as he cares about my wellbeing."  
  
He sighed slipping his eyes closed, "I've never had anything like that at all. So I wouldn't exactly know what its all like. What, what if he chose to be with someone else, or you even?"  
  
"It would be his decision to do so as well as mine. We would still be friends if it ever came to that. I tell you what, its more like a fuck buddy thing then an actual relationship."  
  
Daylen smirked looking back at Alex, "Anders was like that. He had MANY fuck buddies in the circle. Most of them did really, not me though."  
  
"Ugh, yeah, don't think I could deal with having a tonne of them," Alex shook his head, "Ones enough and he's a handful as it is. Just don't say your wound up tighter then a water clock around him, he will literally take matters into his own hands."  
  
The boat jittered as it slowed down into the docks, the Captain shouting for his men to prepare to dock, making Daylen sigh out again looking over Kirkwall. A lot of people ran about on the docks, but a group of people were huddled together looking up at the boat.  
  
"Get ready, Dayglo," Alex snickered pushing back from the railings, "Trouble, Major, you know what to do."  
  
The gangplank hit the docks, Daylen sucked in a deep breath as the two dogs boofed up at him. He slowly made his way off the boat, the dogs walking behind him as was planned.  
  
His feet barely touched the ground when a small green blur practically jumped onto him, sending him almost over the edge into the water with this squealing mass holding onto him for dear life.  
  
"Lethallin, have I-" the small elven womans eyes grow huge jumping off him, "Creators your not Alex!"  
  
"Amatus, whats going on?" another elf with white tattoos came over to them, looking him over then reached for his massive sword, "Kaffas... if your another demon!"  
  
"Sweet fucking hell you two," Alex bounded down the gangplank, "Put it away Snowy."  
  
These white haired and dark haired elves did a double take looking at both of them, the smaller one grinned wide flinging her arms around Alex, the other one, just blinked rapidly.  
  
"Lethallin," she chastised, "What have you been doing?"  
  
"Kitty, Snowy, this is Daylen Amell. My fucking twin," Alex laughed wrapping his arms around both elves pulling them in close, "I see Snoopy's just fallen over. ANDERS, VARRIC'S JUST FAINTED!"  
  
Anders ran down the wood almost tripping over his own two feet, Andy hot on his heels. Everyone just gawked as they went past as well making Alex laugh out loud again, grabbing him along the way as they walked over to dwarf rolling around on the floor in hysterics.  
  
"Thats Andy by the way. Anders son."  
  
This Kitty just started to squeal letting Alex go literally bouncing over to him, then flung her arms around the tall blond mages waist while he squeaked at it.  
  
"Alex, what in the name of Thedas were you doing in Ferelden? Finding the mages son, putting a mage in the throne, making doubles of yourself," the white haired elf chuckled.  
  
"Ahh, it was just another Tuesday. But fuck, I have a LOT more to tell you lot I kinda left out of letters, Snowy. Wheres Izzy?"  
  
Snowy just huffed a laugh, waving his hand up the docks steps, "Busy kissing Brennan to even notice your back. Typical really."  
  
"Maferaths nutsack, theres MORE! DAMMIT MENACE, you owe me. This old man can't deal with all this shit, kid. Kids. Ugh," this dwarf flapped his arms about laughing, "I'm to old for this shit, you know that right."  
  
"Pay back, Snoopy. Ta fucking da," Alex snickered bowing.  
  
Daylen put his hand over his mouth at everything. He's never seen anything like this while he laughed. Even during the blight, he's never felt more part of something then he does now when Kitty grinned up at him, holding out a small package in her dainty hands.  
  
"I hope you like cakes."

* * *

  
  
Alex stood there in the foyer with his mouth hanging open. Every single piece of the red and gold was gone, everything was replaced with black and grey. Even the bloody curtains were deep grey. He narrowed his eyes at Snoopy and shook his head, slowly walking into the main living area.  
  
"Are you fucking kidding me! Snoopy, what the hell. OH sweet fuck, did you replace-" he didn't even finish when he ran up the stairs to his room, flinging his door open to find... even more black and grey on everything.  
  
"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! EVERYTHING!" Alex ran through the hallway and skidded to a stop at the balcony looking down at the giggling dwarf, "You sneaky, son of a bitch. You, you stay right there."  
  
Varric ran out the mansion, throwing his fingers up over his shoulder when Alex just vaulted over the railings, chasing him out into Hightown. And of course, the damn dwarf just up and vanished before he could catch up to him. Ugh, he should of kept his mouth shut when he said he hated looking at all the red and gold now.  
  
"Yeah and stay gone," he muttered under his breath, trying hard not to laugh when he went back in the door.  
  
"Sweet boy, I don't know what all the fuss is about. I think it looks rather nice."  
  
Alex just rolled his eyes at Cassidy, "He never asked me, just up and did it. Bloody hell."  
  
"Pup and... pup? No, nibbler and pup, yes," Isabela grinned when he got into the kitchen, "You look nothing like how you did when we first met. Now you look just like him," she thumbed.  
  
"He has a name, Izzy," Alex whined sitting down at the island, "And why didn't I get a sucker when we first met, huh?"  
  
Isabela waved her hand at him, "Was in the bottom of the ocean, pup. I got you clothes, didn't I?" she slapped his arm, "So behave, or Auntie Isabela wont tell you everything juicy."  
  
"Now thats just cruel. You can't just not kiss and tell, pirate," Cass sighed.  
  
"Oh I don't know, sweetie, I might just do that to keep you all on the edge."  
  
Alex slowly banged his head on the island snorting while he did so, "No, edging."  
  
"But, pup, it's the best kind! Sweetie, tell him."  
  
"Nope, not getting involved," Cass laughed leaving the kitchen, "Edge all you like, but don't edge me."  
  
Alex just slid off the stool in tears he was laughing so hard, Daylen just sat there with his mouth open at them all.  
  
"Are you lot like this all the time? Even Zevran wasn't this bad."  
  
"Ahh, Zevran. He was an okay fuck, I've had better."  
  
He couldn't take it any more when he wheezed rolling around on the floor, "You," he coughed out, "you have no idea, Dayglo. Welcome, welcome to my family!"  
  
A heavy weight went on his chest trying to breath and blearily opened his eyes to kitten face. Then Trouble and Major tried to climb on top of him as well, making him laugh even more. His damn dogs were getting too big for this shit, but they didn't seem to care when all three trouble makers just up and buried him under them all. Alex laid flat out in the kitchen giving up, when another heavy weight went on top of him.  
  
"Izzy, if thats you, I hope your fucking dressed!"  
  
"Pup, that was one time. And no it's not me," she giggled from somewhere.  
  
"Not Snoopy, I know full well hes back in the mansion somewhere. Cass?"  
  
A soft chuckle followed by a prod in the chest and a kitten removal from his face made him finally able to see... Daylen grinning wide at him holding Sarge under his arm. His virtual twin was straddling his thighs resting his head on-top of Majors own.  
  
"I wanted to join in," he chuckled again, "And... thank you."  
  
"For joining this crazy arsed family? I should be saying sorry, Dayglo," Alex chuckled back.  
  
"Naaawww... NOW KISS!"  
  
Alex groaned loud at his friend waggling her eyebrows at him from above, even Kitty and Snowy were doing it too. Cassidy was just laughing in the doorway with his arms folded over his now bare chest. Daylen on the other hand when he looked, was blushing bright red, trying to bury his face into Major's fur again.

* * *

  
  
Daylen woke up with a start, sweat rolled down his face as he panted fisting the sheets between his hands. His pillow under his head, the sheets under his body were soaked in his sweat and now sticking to skin. He's never ever had a nightmare like that before. Maker, it was worse then the Warden ones he's had.  
  
He swung his legs out of bed, then just sat on the edge running his hand down his face trying to calm everything down in him. The two moons were still out, shining their pale light into the room when he looked out the window.  
  
All he could see when he blinked his eyes, was a horror of a man chasing him, trying to pull on the thin red strings around his neck. Sweet Maker, the mans eyes were as red as blood trying to grab him with deep red cracks across his skin, calling him his 'Beautiful minx,' to come back to him, that he loved him, that he was sorry. Daylen put his head in his hands trying to get those images out of his head, but nothing was working.  
  
Felt far too real for him, felt far too real when he got out of bed to wash himself free from sweat, to change his sleep clothes for something cooler.  
  
Daylen made his way down the hallway was quietly as he could, tilted his head at the sound of two people in the throws of... passion. He knows that sound anyway, being in the circle and during the blight too. The door was slightly open when he went past, squinting his eyes at the two people on the bed. He squinted even more, putting his hand over his mouth quickly going past the door at Isabela and her partner having sex.  
  
He, didn't exactly want to see all that, and made his way to the kitchen for a glass of milk or something.  
  
Light flickered from the library and changed directions to see who else was up this time of night. Daylen peaked around the door then smiled slightly at Alex sitting in-front of the fire, one leg drawn up, resting his head on both that and his arm while he smoked, writing in a book.  
  
"Can't sleep either," Daylen asked, which just made Alex fly out of his chair dropping everything onto the ground.  
  
"Fucking hell," Alex put his hand on his chest, "Scare the shit outta me why don't ya."  
  
Daylen chewed on his lip, then sighed shaking his head, "Maker, I'm so sorry."  
  
Alex just waved a hand at him to sit while he bent down picking everything up, "Nah, it's fine. Was lost in my own world writing a few stories from back home. Got woken up with Izzy and Brennan going at it again."  
  
"I had a nightmare that woke me up, I just saw them on the way down here," he chuckled, "Saw enough of that with Lel and Morrigan, don't really want to have to see nor hear it all again."  
  
"A nightmare? Looks more then a fucking Warden one," Alex frowned up at him, "I know all about them from Anders. Dunno how you Wardens deal with that shit quite frankly."  
  
Daylen nodded his head sighing sitting back in the comfy chair, running his hands over his face, "Yes, wasn't a warden one. Maker, I have no idea what it was really. Scared me nonetheless though. Just some horrifically twisted being cooing at me. I would take an Archdemon over that any day."  
  
"That bad huh. I get them often now, worse since, well you know," Alex shrugged putting his book on the table, "You want a nightcap or something to go back to sleep?"  
  
"If it'll help."  
  
Alex smirked while he stood, motioning with his head to follow him, "Yeah, it will. Just don't tell Snoopy I've been using his brandy for it," he chuckled.  
  
They both walked to the kitchen together in the near dark, fat candles stood in lanterns around flickering slightly. He pulled himself up onto the counter while Alex rummaged around in the pantry, looking about the beautifully done kitchen. He may of been here for the past few days, but he marveled at the entire mansion, with its dwarven plumbing, the heat runes, the wooden floors, everything.   
  
This, was his cousins home, was his aunties, but yet not aunties. He was somewhat related to these people, but yet, not at all.  
  
He smiled again when Alex handed him a warm glass full of, milk? And sniffed it, "You put alcohol in milk?"  
  
"Helps you sleep. Trust me on that."  
  
Daylen gulped down a large mouthful, then licked his lips at the taste. Was pretty darn good when he ran his tongue over his lips again, savouring the flavour in his mouth. He put the glass down, watching Alex drink his own leaning against the center island, looking him over. Then felt his cheeks heat when he slid off the counter walking slowly over to him. Alex looked over the rim, quirking an eyebrow when Daylen took the glass from his hand to put it on the wooden top.  
  
"Dayglo?"  
  
Daylen just blushed even more putting both his hands on his chest, lowering his head a little, "You, you know when Isabela said we should, we should kiss."  
  
He felt Alex's heart pound harder in his chest when he lifted his head up to meet fade green eyes, "You, want me to kiss you?"  
  
"Would you? I've, I've never been- never- nothing with-" he blushed even more, "I'm still a-"  
  
"Dayglo I'm, I-" he watched Alex close his eyes while he looked away slightly.  
  
He felt a pair of hands cup his face when Alex looked back at him, his own still on his chest when Alex lent forward slightly, gently put his lips again his own. Daylen slipped his eyes closed at the feeling, gripping the shirt under his hands when he moved his body closer to the other, sighing into the kiss. He felt himself heat up from face right down his body to his groin when a tongue licked across his lips, parting them at the feeling pushing himself even closer while a hand on his face cards through his hair.  
  
Daylen lets out a soft gasp, opening his eyes partly when the tongue gently slipped between his parted lips, tilting his head slightly at the same time. Maker, was it glorious when the tongue slicked against his own, his own hands wrapping around Alex's body to his back, then gripped the back of the shirt tight in his grasp. His groin was beginning to ache something rotten pushing his entire body harder into Alex's, their tongues tracing against the others at the same time.  
  
He thinks he's moving backwards but he can't be too sure, the kiss is just too delicious and so was the hand tightening in his hair. Daylen's back hits a wall, making him grunt opening his eyes when Alex pulled back from the kiss looking into his. A small string of spittle still joined them at the mouth, his breathing felt harsh and hard while they looked at each other.   
  
"Don't stop," he whispers out, "Maker, please don't stop."  
  
Alex just nodded still looking into his eyes, gripping his hair just on the side of hurting, then kissed him again while he fisted his hands even tighter in the shirt. He felt Alex's other hand go down his face, going down his neck then down his side, sliding down his shirt to the top of his sleep pants, and groaned hard in the kiss hoping to everything he feels him, touches his skin, takes him in hand.   
  
_Maker, please, do it, I want this so bad you have no idea._  
  
The hand slowly dips into his pants between them, feeling the warmth of Alex against his skin makes him groan even more when the hand brushes his stiffness, fingers gently going down his length. He releases one hand from the shirt and does the same thing, copying what the other was doing, dipping his hand into the sleepwear his fingers going over warm skin to Alex's length. They both pull back from the kiss looking at each other again, Daylen licked his lips still tasting Alex on them when the hand in his hair slackened, going next to his head instead.  
  
"Please," he softly begs resting his forehead against Alex's, "please."  
  
Alex kissed his begging lips again, pulling his pants down pulling his own down, then Daylen moaned when Alex took them both in hand at the same time. He tilted his head to oneside as soft kisses were pressed on the side of his mouth, going down his jaw to his neck, Alex's tongue tracing down his jugular to the join at his shoulder. He arched his back off the wall slightly as the hand started to speed up, letting out low moans from his mouth tumble from his lips gripping Alex's hair between both his hands.   
  
Sweet bloody Maker, this was nothing like his own hand on him at all, Daylen screwed his eyes shut tighter when the mouth on his neck join gently bit down, this was nothing like anything he thought it would be at all.  
  
Daylen's legs started to feel weak the longer this went on, his breathing coming out in pants against Alex's face when they lent their foreheads together again. He's never lasted so long before, even with his warden stamina, doing this by himself alone with nothing to even think about. Alex licked over his bottom lip before pushing his tongue back into mouth, speeding up even more.   
  
Daylen whined into it gripping even harder on the hair between his hands, feeling himself get closer and closer.  
  
He arched his back off the wall as much as he could when he came in Alex's hand, pulling back from the kiss to moan loud into the kitchen when Alex came not longer after. Daylen, besides panting like a mabari bitch in heat, started to chuckle as he came down from the best damn climax he's ever had in his life.  
  
"Makers breath," he smiled looking back at Alex, "that was, amazing."  
  
"I've never fucking lasted that long jerking," Alex panted back at him, "holy shit."  
  
"Sweet boys, that was over thirty-fives minutes. According to that fancy water clock out there," Cassidy chuckled in the kitchen, "All that moaning and panting was rather exciting."  
  
Alex shook his head putting it on his shoulder, "Cass really, you watched us?"  
  
"What? I got bored watching the pirate and guard . Two sweet boys going at it was far more entertaining to watch."  
  
"CASSIDY, SERIOUSLY!" Alex whined trying to bury his face into Daylen's neck.  
  
The tall being stood next to them chucking again, "Makes me wonder how long you two would actually last fucking. I'm saying well over three hours, and then some. Oh, and don't forget to clean up, Orana would have your hides otherwise. Night night."  
  
Daylen smiled when he got kissed hard on the lips by Alex again, he's never even thought about sex or love, let alone being with anyone for the rest of his short life. He did now though when Alex pulled back looking at him, he never wanted to be apart from his shadows shadow in-front of him, he's never felt more close to someone as he does with him.   
  
Regardless of what maybe, this is where he wanted to be.


	34. The Call Of Ktulu.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex takes everyone to the Black Emporium for his theory. Goes as well as expected. Cullen receives a bit of a shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metallica- The Call Of Ktulu - https://youtu.be/TfGMinbSVI8

**9:35 Dragon - Harvestmere.**  
  
Simon held his hand tight while they walked through the market, Merrill held on to Simon's other hand. Both of them were excited to go to the Emporium, everyone else, not so much when they all trudged to the lift. Anders was grumbling then entire time about going back there, as much as Snowy and Snoopy were. Daylen linked Alex's free arm with his own chuckling while he looked about himself.  
  
His new extended family were bloody awesome, all of them were.  
  
But still, they all needed to hear his theory when they get down there, and thank fuck the weather was holding of on dumping a whole load of snow on them. Elijah waved at him when they got to the lifts, bringing him in hard for a hug patting him on the back before he sat down again at the crank.  
  
"Maker, Knight, should see what their all doing down there for Satinalia," the old man wheezed out a laugh.  
  
"That ain't for a fortnight! Oh God... what are they doing?"  
  
Elijah just tapped his nose lowering the lift with them all on, "You'll see."  
  
Daylen pushed his hood back a little and lent to his ear, "How many more lives have you touched, Alex? Even I don't think I received that kind of reception from anyone."  
  
"Don't ask me," Alex whined quietly, "I just fucking do whats right, regardless what snooty arseholes think. Ugh," he narrowed his eyes looking at the man smiling at him, "If your going to do a Cass on me, you can stand over there with him."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
"He said I had a heart of gold. Snowy and Prince call me a Knight in shining armour as it is!" Alex shook his head, "Your the Knight not me. I mean seriously, you stopped a blight in just under a year from what I learned from everyone. Thats fucking gutsy considering they last decades or centuries."  
  
Daylen sighed looking down at the ground, "Not really. I managed to get everyone together for it, only for them all to bicker like children now. Its not what I wanted to do when I got forced from the tower all because of Jowan. I maybe a Hero, but I'm not."  
  
"Bullshit."  
  
"No its not. I ran away after Amaranthine," Daylen furrowed his brows still looking down at the ground, "I hid when I could of done so much more. And you just picked right on up where I left off."  
  
Alex sighed loudly through his nose, wrapping his arm around Daylens waist pulling him closer, "Trust me, I had help from all of them too. After what happened with 'Him', I almost shut down, Dayglo. I still have days were I feel like I'm in a fucking bubble because of all of it. Anders blames himself, so does Nate for what happened. But," he shrugged, "I feel like its mine at times, alright."  
  
The lift hit the bottom, Elijah snorting a laugh at him when they all piled out to let people on, all Alex could do was nod and smile back at him. Simon took his hand again, taking Daylens as well when he took the led, walking through the corridor with the burning down wax candles. He wasn't a hero, or Champion, nothing, he was just him regardless what anyone thinks of him.  
  
Simon tugged on his hand looking up at him, "Can I tell you something?"  
  
"Sure, whats up?"  
  
"Its, its a little private," he blushed trying to hide his face behind his sleeve.  
  
"You lot go ahead, alright. Me and Simon gotta talk," he motioned for everyone to go on, Cass and Daylen both raised their eyebrows at him over their shoulders, "Don't give me that look. Give me five minutes."  
  
He looked down at the flaxen head trying to bury itself against his chest again, "Si, what is it?"  
  
"Are they gone?" he asked looking up at him, Alex just nodded his head, "I'm not a boy."  
  
Alex sighed pulling Simon to one side against the wall, then tilted the flaxen head up when it looked down at the ground trying to hide his blush, "I kinda figured that out, Si. Snowy's the same by the way."  
  
"No, you don't understand. Everyone mistook me for one," tears started to well up in Si's eyes, "they thought I was a boy when they brought me to Kinloch. So I pretended to be one. Simon's not even my name, it's Sijon."  
  
Alex cupped his face, "Do you want to be referred to as a boy, or a girl? Do you want them to know?"  
  
"Will they make fun of me if they knew?"  
  
"God no. I think Andy may have a fit he's been hitting a girl though," Alex chuckled wiping Si's tears away, "You hit back just as hard too, you know."  
  
Si frowned looking in his eyes then over his shoulder, "Andy already knows, he treated me no different when he found out. Can't I be both?"  
  
"You can be whatever you want, Si. He, she, they, whatever you want," Alex kissed Si's forehead making him blush bright crimson again, "Would it bother you if I refer you to as she?"  
  
Si shook her head and smiled, "Creators no. So, Fenris is a girl too? I couldn't tell."  
  
"No-one else can either," Alex took Si's hand in his again when they set off, "Besides me, Anders and Kitty, no-one else knows at all. My brother from my former life was like Snowy, he wanted to be a man. It's up to you who or what you want to be, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."  
  
"I'm a girl who looks like a boy," Si giggled holding his hand tighter, "Don't put me in a dress though, I hated wearing the robes in the circle."  
  
Alex snorted again shaking his head, "Yeah, don't have to worry about that, Si. Pants and shirts, alright. Like what your wearing now. A typical tomboy thats for sure."  
  
"Thank you for them by the way, never had anything like this in the clan either," Si shrugged, "Can I have a nickname?"  
  
"Halla?" he asked her.  
  
"Really, Halla? Thats all you can come up with? Creators," Si burst out laughing, "and I thought Andy was bad calling me Brat."  
  
Alex sighed through his nose, "You and me both. Anders calls me brat all the fucking time. I'm hardly a brat any more, what with coming up to twenty-two in Drakonis as it is."  
  
"I'm seventeen soon too," Si grinned, "Near middle of Haring. Alex, can I ask you another thing?"  
  
"You know you can, Squirt."  
  
Si cocked her head at him, "Did you just call me Squirt? Unbelievable. Anyway, can you pierce my ears for me? Like you did with Daylen. I've always wanted to have my ears pierced."  
  
"Sure I can. Least you can heal yourself like Dayglo did. Fine not Squirt, how abou-" Alex stopped talking looking over Upper Darktown with boughs all over the place, white, grey and black ribbons adorned everywhere he looked. Every single Darktowner that was left looked over at him, every single one cheered when he walked through them all. He's never felt more humbled in his life as he does right now when he just grins looking at the smiling happy faces.  
  
"This looks amazing," he smiles out taking the hand of Elijah's wife in his, "God, you all look amazing now too!"  
  
"Too bloody right, Knight. If it wasn't for you, we'd of all died after the storm," Karen then looked down at her grandkids, "and they wouldn't of been here to see another year without yer friends too."  
  
Someone shouted from somewhere, "A real Champion of the People right there!"  
  
Here-heres and agreement's went up everywhere around him, making his insides do that weird squishy feeling, even Si was smiling up at him, so was everyone else by the Midlevel steps.  
  
"I'm not the only one," Alex shouted looking at everyone, "The real Champion is standing over there. The one who stopped the fucking blight. Daylen Amell, the one who fought hard, who brought the people of Ferelden together to beat back the thing that nearly killed everyone. The Hero of Ferelden!"  
  
He could see out the corner of his eye, Daylen trying to hide his face in his hood, then gave up when Cassidy just pulled it back pointing at him. He stepped forward when everyone in Darktown looked at Alex then looked back at Daylen, every single one of their mouths open.  
  
"Maker, are you twins or something Knight?"  
  
"No we're not, but we could be," Alex smirked, "Karen, expect some Satinalia food stuffs to be sent down in a few days, alright. Better be bloody ready for it."  
  
He left them all cheering again, gripping Si's hand tight when they ran through them all to his friends, grinning the entire time.  


* * *

  
  
Everyone stood back from the mirror when Alex peaked at it then looked back at them. Anders was dancing on his toes trying to hide behind Cassidy, Andy on the other hand pushed Alex out the way looking at his own reflection.  
  
"That, is one fine looking piece of arse right there," he grinned twirling around in the black feathered coat similar to his fathers brown one.  
  
Alex shook his head looking at the reflection, then barked a laugh, "So, you want to look like yourself huh? Vain much Twinkles?"  
  
"Damn right I do. Makers cock, you think I want to look like anything else other then me?" Andy scoffed swatting his hand at Alex when he walked off.  
  
"Yeah, should of known better. Right, now we got that little song and dance out the way, Xenon, can I borrow Thaddeus for a moment?" he asked the mummified man.  
  
Xenon heaved a loud sigh, "If you break him I won't be happy. Just so you know."  
  
"I'm not going to bloody break him, he's going to be standing there so nothing DOES happen," Alex barked, "Ugh. Anders, I need you."  
  
Anders danced on his toes again shaking his head, "Andraste's garter ferrets, brat. What if I do it again?"  
  
"Just get the fuck over here and look in the fucking mirror," Alex ground out, "I need to test my damn theory, kay."  
  
Cassidy pushed the protesting Anders over, the man screwed his eyes shut the closer his got. Alex peaked into the mirror flinched sharply looking back at everyone, nodding while he swallowed.  
  
"I knew it. Anders you can open your eyes, just... take a look."  
  
The man slowly peaked one open, then lets his mouth fall open at the reflection looking back at him. Anders flapped his arms about like a mad-man backing away, looking at Alex with a pained expression, "Andraste's bloody arse, what the fuck brat! Thats- but how?"  
  
"Because Carver was the one to do it, not you," Alex sighed looking at him, "He wanted Justice all along and Justice wanted him too. Anders, Snoopy showed me some of his journals when I got back, which just fucking well confirmed a small portion of my theory," he looked back at the reflection and shook closing his eyes, "You still want to look like that, where as Justice actually became that desire you had."  
  
"Fasta Vass, so the thing that was here, was just a reflection? Then who's that?" Snowy pointed at Anders.  
  
Alex rubbed his temples, "No, that actually is Anders standing there, and that THING that came out the mirror never actually did, Snowy. Xenon," the mummy huffed a 'Yes,' at him, "who exactly let loose the piece of stray magic. Was him, or-"  
  
"NO it wasn't him," Xenon scoffed, "it was the OTHER mage. Pah, he broke my mirror."  
  
"Carver did it not you, Anders. You passed out, you said you felt like you were burning up inside?" Daylen wrinkled his nose up looking at Alex.  
  
Anders nodded backing away from the mirror even more, "I don't remember what happened."  
  
"Thats because he used the damn mirror to exorcise you, Anders," Daylen spat out looking into the glass, "Thats why you lost some of your memories. Did anyone pass out. Did you Xenon?"  
  
Everyone around Alex looked at each other, except for Merrill, who was right at the back of the place wringing her fingers together. Even Xenon and Thaddeus were quiet.  
  
"Fucking hell, what did Carver do?"  
  
"Powerful blood magic, thats what," Daylen spat on the ground shaking his head, "The mirror broke when he scried into it, summoning Justice from within Anders to bring him forth. Maker bloody take them both."  
  
"Ugh, thats just fucking fantastic. Kitty, Si, I needed you two along to tell me what the fucking mirror actually is, other then elven," Alex glared at the mummy's chair.  
  
Merrill was nodding her head from the back of the shop, Si just shrugged looking it over then squeaked at her own reflection, "Creators, thats disturbing."  
  
"Its an Eluvian. Elgar'nan, its just like mine," Merrill's eyes widen when everyone looks at her, "I, I- oh dear."  
  
"What the fuck do you mean, 'Just like mine?'"  
  
Merrill lowered her head, her ears drooped a little while she scuffed the ground, "I, brought the one that took my friends from me here to Kirkwall. I've been trying to fix it for years now, trying to bring back a piece of our history. But it won't work. I've tried everything."  
  
Alex slumped down on the ground putting both his hands on his head, "Oh for fucks sake. So your telling me, you have a mirror just like this one sitting in your home?"  
  
"I... do," she mumbled out, "but it won't work. Like this one doesn't work properly any more. I can feel the dark broken magic from it even from back here."  
  
"Creators, Merrill. You do know our history doesn't mean squat any more right? Its a whole load of crap anyway," Si barked at her, "My clan treated me like rubbish when they left me out in the cold. Thats not what elven are supposed to do to each other. Mythal give me strength, how can you be so stupid?"  
  
Merrill narrowed her eyes at Si, "Your just a little boy, what do you know about our history? It's part of us as much as that broken mirror there!"  
  
"I'M A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL!" Si shouted at her, "And don't tell me what our so called history is. Its rubbish, will always BE rubbish. Wake up and smell the Halla shit, Merrill."  
  
"Okay, okay, thats enough. Daisy why didn't you tell anyone?" Varric tugged on Si's arm to move her away from Merrill, "And Moonbeam, just, go stand with Menace and Champ."  
  
Alex opened his arms when Si flung herself at him, ignoring bloody Merrill arguing with everyone about her fucking mirror. Of all the stupid things someone could do- Alex shook his head looking into the broken mirror again, heaving a sigh looking at everyone reflected nearby in it.  
  
Daylen had no reflection, considering Alex was on the floor with Si growling under her breath at Merrill.  
  
Varric had way more chest hair, like a LOT more. Fenris on the other hand when Alex squinted, had jet black hair and no markings. Isabela strolled over tilting her head this way and that, then pulled the front of her pants low chuckling looking in the mirror, "Pup, I make a fine looking man."  
  
Alex peaked into the mirror, huffing a laugh looking at Izzy as a tall toned, long black haired man grinning back at him, "You certainly do, thats for sure."  
  
"Creators, I'm sorry. I, I was doing what no-one else wanted to do," Merrill cried, "I wanted to find Tamlen and Lyna, I was trying to bring a part of our history back!"  
  
"By dabbling in blood magic. By binding yourself to a demon," Daylen spat, "Was it worth it? Will it ever be worth playing with the forbidden?"  
  
Merrill huffed and walked out the Emporium, leaving them all behind. Snowy ran after her trying to bring her back, but she was having none of it when she just walked away from them all.  
  
Alex took Si's hand in his again walking to Xenons glass case, "Did Carver buy anything from here before or after he broke the mirror?"  
  
"Yes he did. He brought several torques that even 'I' wouldn't touch with a barge poll," he then started to cough before continuing, "Binding torques, four of them," he wheezed out.  
  
"FOUR!" Alex felt bile rise up in his throat trying to stem down the panic in him, "Oh sweet hell, who has the other two?"  


* * *

  
  
Nothing, absolutely nothing was written in those damn journals about who Carver gave the other two torques too. Not one thing. All that was written was his unhealthy love for Alex and Justice, about Major, his abusive brother, and lies upon lies upon lies he was telling himself and everyone else around him. There was shit in there even he didn't know about. Accusing Alex of things he never did, what everyone did, saying it was their fault for shit that doesn't even make sense.  
  
The only entries that truly stood out, were the deals both him and Justice made together without Anders knowledge. How Carver and the fucking spirit were in a relationship behind his back, behind everyones back, how Carver got to see through Justice's eyes and vice versa when they were with Alex. But yet, when Alex looked at one single line, there was a third party involved with it all too, but who? Maybe the same person who had the binding torques? Ugh, this was just making him more twitchy then normal when he slammed the book shut.  
  
Bad enough he went to see this fucking mirror Merrill had as well, looking over the broken glass, backing away when a quick feeling of being flayed went over his skin. How in hell can she be around that thing all the time? Marethari never told him this part when she mentioned Merrill turning to blood magic to bring back the past, he would of told his friend there and then to destroy the fucking thing.  
  
But yet, she was begging him for some carving tool from the clan so she make it all right again. To fix the FUCKING MIRROR!  
  
Alex pushed the books onto to floor, then the table, then everything else in the library onto the ground. He was just so damn angry at them all, at Carver, at Justice, at fucking Merrill for being so fucking foolish. He said he wasn't going to judge her, but he bloody well has when he stormed into the main room. She told them all she wanted nothing to do with her demon, but yet she contacted it constantly to get guidance.  
  
"God fucking dammit," he growled out into the empty room.  
  
"Alex, Maker, are you still up? It's been three days," Daylen looked over the railings at him, "You should get some sleep."  
  
"How the fuck," he ground out pointing at his twin, "can I sleep with all this shit going on? Kitty needs to get rid of the fucking mirror, break her bonds with the fucking demon and forget about trying to restore something thats going to fucking KILL US!"  
  
Daylen sighed pushing away from the railings slowly made his way down the stairs to him, "So staying up three days straight is going to help? Alex, theres not much we can do right now with the storm coming in."  
  
"Don't tell me what to do," Alex spat, "I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking they can fucking walk all over me, trying to get into my fucking head," he tapped his temple, "try and do stupid shit for not a God damn thing!"  
  
"Alex, enough," Daylen took both his hands when he started to fist them into balls, "Maker, what did they do to you?"  
  
He felt himself flinch in Daylens hands shaking his head looking away.  
  
"Tell me, what did they do?"  
  
Alex looked back at him pained, "They manipulated me, thats what," he said out quietly, "I felt like I was loosing my mind with Justice half the time, they both lied to me. Both of them. Justice was loosing his mind just as much, for fucks sake. They both bound me and manipulated me, both of them. How can you trust anyone after that? How can you trust your own sanity when the two people you thought you loved, twisted everything? I didn't know what I was fucking doing, for the love of everything. It didn't register about the damn demon feeling from him either."  
  
Daylen brought him in against him, gripping Alex tight in his arms, "Makers breath, I'm so sorry."  
  
"I hate talking about it, alright. I thought I was healed with the Dalish, then-" Alex swallowed hard, "What can anyone do? I'm the one still stuck in my own nightmare, Dayglo."  
  
"You need to sleep, Alex. You can't keep staying up trying to deal with all this," Daylen muttered in his hair, "We'll go to the clan soon, we'll try and talk Merrill out of all this."  
  
"Are you," Alex chuckled leaning back, "trying to get me into bed, Dayglo? You do realise you'd have to kick Cass out of it right. Don't think it's big enough for three."  
  
Daylen smiled slightly looking over his face, "I never said where you would be sleeping, did I?"  
  
Alex sighed through his nose when he lent his forehead against his, "No you didn't. Ugh, fine," he chuckled again, "take me to bed. I could do with the sleep."  


* * *

  
  
**9:35 Dragon - Firstfall.**  
  
Cullen looked at the torques sitting on his desk. Both sets had the stones intact, both hummed with blood magic the more he stares at them. Someone, had left them there when he arrived to his office in the morning, and now they were sitting there staring at him as he lent on the table.  
  
The broken one sat next to them, the forth was torn apart by Fenris. Cullen didn't blame the elf for doing such a thing, but who ever left these behind wanted him to find them. Someone who grew a conscience about the whole thing? But who? He highly doubt it would be Hawke, considering the man had vanished into thin air. He also doubt it was Knight, considering what the other man went through was traumatic enough, much like his own experience's in the circle. He shuddered trying not to remember that.  
  
Cullen sat heavily in his chair still staring at the things when a knock on the door made him flinch, shoving the torques into one of the draws. He would deal with all that later when he muttered a 'come in.'  
  
What came through the door nearly knocked him sideways. His eyes, just could not believe what they were seeing standing there, his lips parted slightly.  
  
"Champion Knight? Who, who is-" Cullen blinked rapidly at the two of them standing there.  
  
Knight smirked pushing the other one in the room when he tried to go back out, "Ahh come on. Don't you recognise Daylen?" he chuckled at him.  
  
"Daylen? Daylen Amell? Sweet Maker, that can't be you," he rose from his chair, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest staring at what he could only describe as Knight's twin. He never used to look like that, he never used to look like Knight at all.  
  
"Hello Cullen," Daylen blushed lowering his head at him, "Been a while."  
  
He nodded at the other man mutely, looking over his face, his hair, everything. He felt heat rise up his face and swiftly turned on his heel to look out the small window.  
  
"It, it has Daylen. I, I, never thanked you for, saving me," Cullen swallowed sharply, "Moot point now. But- I- you and Knight," he looked over his shoulder slightly at them, "You, look near identical."  
  
"Yeah we do. Funny ain't it. We need a favour Cullen," Knight spoke, "Its about a friend of mine who's playing with shit she doesn't fucking understand."  
  
Cullen bit his lip clamping his eyes shut looking out the window again, just so he didn't have to look at the pair of them behind him. Maker, forgive me, why am I even thinking about this right now? Bad enough he thought about Knight in that way as it was.  
  
"And, wha-what friend would that be?" his voice most certainly did not sound strained, he certainly wasn't stammering again either. Makers breath.  
  
"Merrill. We need a Templars guidance, Cullen. Alex told me you were here in Kirkwall, and well, we do need your help with it if you can."  
  
Maker, his voice was much deeper then it used to be. Just not as deep as Knights when he nodded his head looking over his shoulder again, "I, I will do what I can. What do, do you wish for me to do?"  
  
"Well, heres the thing," Knight stood right next to him smirking, "She has some fucking elven mirror, that killed two people she's trying to fix up. She wants to go back to the clan up on Sundermount to, as she said, 'Make it right.' You know what we say?" he smirked even more dipping his head. Cullen shook his when Daylen stood next to Knight as well, his palms felt wet looking at them both.  
  
"We both say we all go with her when she goes back. You come with us when we go. There is a demon up there apparently," Daylen was smirking as well now at him, "We could use a Templar to kill it, break her bonds. Then, we can break the mirror so no-one else gets hurt by it, by her, and by this demon."  
  
Cullen nodded his head at them, trying to wipe his sweaty palms on his cumberband, "I, I will go with you. She, she is a blood mage? We, should deal with all this. Tha-thank you for, um, for telling me, co-coming to me with this."  
  
"Thanks Cullen. I don't want her hurt you know, but she's being fucking stupid about the whole thing. If we get rid of two things with one stone, all the better," Knight shrugged putting his arm around Daylens waist, Cullen swallowed trying not to look at it when he continued, "I don't want the clan hurt either. Their my fucking friends, I care a GREAT deal about them, about the only Halla with them. But if what she does hurts them, hurts anyone, then you have my permission to kill her, Cullen."  
  
"I, I agree to tho-those terms, Knight. Wh-when do you plan to, go?" his heart would not stop pounding hard in his chest.  
  
Daylen looked out the window, "Soon, if you will. This in all honesty cannot wait much longer, but the storm has to pass first. Thank you, Cullen."  
  
"I, will send a, a message when when I can get away," he looked away from the pair of them when they bade their farewells to him.  
  
Cullen slumped on his chair again, running both hands down his face to calm his nerves. Its been years since he last saw Daylen, years since he last even thought about the other one. And now the Hero of Ferelden, looked near identical to the Champion of the People? He swallowed again when he tilted his head up at the ceiling. Bad enough he commissioned the new armour for Knight as it was.  
  
All because he could never do something for Daylen when they were in Kinloch, when he saved his life, when he crude and rude to him because of the torture. Crude, rude and disrespectful to the one person who brightened his day in that place whenever he saw him.  
  
No, he most certainly was not feeling for either of them. No, he wasn't when he rose from his seat to look out over the Gallows courtyard. No, he most certainly wasn't watching the pair of them walk to the docks. No, he most certainly did not rest his forehead on the glass, watching them leave on the boat wishing they stayed just that bit longer.  
  
No, he most certainly was not pining after the pair of them.  
  
He had work to do, he needed to find who these torques belonged too.  
  
Yes, he would do that... for them.


	35. The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from bad to worse. Cullen helps Alex, Daylen and Cassidy, but its far too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Death, brief mentions of abuse, very brief smut.
> 
> Morrissey - The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get - https://youtu.be/HEoCXv1fM-Y

**9:36 Dragon - Wintermarch - First Day.**  
  
"Sweet boy," Cass kissed his cheek, "Time to rise and shine."  
  
Alex sighed opening his bleary eyes, looking over at man laying next to him, "I'm awake. Certainly risen, but shine? I think you can do that."  
  
"Ugh, there you go again," Cass snorted flicking his earring, "Least your not being you usual grumpy morning self."  
  
"Yeah well," he yawned rolling onto his side, brushing his nose against Cassidy's, "had a bloody good nights sleep again. I wonder why?" he chuckled wrapping his arms around the mans neck as he kissed him.  
  
"Maybe," Cass pulled back then nipped at his nose, "because," he nipped his chin, "you have a rather," he slipped under the covers making Alex groan when teeth were scrapped over his ribs, "handsome man," he groaned even more when that warm wicked tongue licked down his stomach to his erection, "in your bed."  
  
Alex grabbed hold of the mans hair under the covers, arching back a little as the mouth slowly takes him in, "That maybe it. Oh fuck."  
  
He was pushed on his back as the mouth worked him harder, his own hands gripping Cass's hair tighter pushing his head back into the mattress. Alex felt Cass's fingers slip inside him, his other hand roaming up his chest, running his fingers over his nipples while Alex moans loud into the room. That warm tongue curled around his head when he slowly pulled off Alex, pressing light kisses up his stomach, his fingers working him even more.  
  
"Cass," Alex pants then groans when the man nips at his Adams apple, "Fuck."  
  
"Mmmm, sweet boy, did you say something?" the cheeky fucking giant chuckled in his ear, "I was too busy shining."  
  
"Arse. Oh God you fucking arse," he panted even more when the fingers slipped free, feeling the heavy weight of the other man on his thigh, "You call me horny!"  
  
Cassidy smirked when he lent up above Alex, "Me? Are you sure," he grins gripping his knees pushing them to his chest, "your not talking about yourself again?"  
  
He keened when the man slowly slid into him, gripping Cass's biceps hard between his hands the further he slides his length in. Not like he didn't get fucked before going to sleep, but shit, he pushed his head further into the mattress under him, he still felt tighter then a Chantry Cleric's purse when Cass slowly slides back out.  
  
Alex opened his eyes to smile up at the man when his hands were take then pinned by his head. He flinched hard seeing what was around Cass's neck, he started to shake looking at the thing hanging there, feeling vomit rise in his throat.  
  
"Sweet boy?" Cassidy stopped his movement's letting his hands go, "What is it?"  
  
Alex choked back the vomit in his mouth, "GET IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!" he screamed trying to back away.  
  
"Alex, I don't understand? I, I," Cass looked down at the necklace pulling out from Alex, "put it on when you left it on my pillow."  
  
He wrinkled up his nose ripping it off the mans neck, throwing it across the room while he panted down the vomit back into his stomach. His entire body shook staring at the wolf tooth necklace on the window seat, then back at Cass looking shocked at him.  
  
"That, was Justice's," Alex hissed at him pointing to it, "'HE' told me he got rid of it, Cass. I never put it on your fucking pillow."  
  
Cassidy's face fell when he sat on his haunches, "But, it was there. It, it was there when I came back fr-" the man shot off the bed, grabbing his clothes pulling them on, "Sweet boy, he must of been here while you slept. I left you alone for a few hours to go read."  
  
Alex vomited out the bed when he lent off it. The bedroom door opened as he vomited more, feeling his mind swim to the fact, Carver was in his room while he slept. He felt dirty trying to get out of bed. He felt dirty, filthy, staggering like a drunkard to the bathing room, while Anders wanted to know what the fuck was going on to Cass behind him. Alex vomited again in the basin.  
  
"Makers fucking breath, he was HERE!" Anders ran a hand down his back when the puking just did not stop, "Breathe Alex, breathe."  
  
He felt his friend push healing into him, he also felt the man rest his forehead on his nude back while he tried to stop his body from shaking.  
  
"Anders," he mumbled quietly, "che-check me for-"  
  
The mage nodded against his back, pushing a different wave of magic into him, "Besides what you two did, theres nothing else, brat," he pushed his other healing back into him, "Why the fuck didn't Trouble or Major alert any of us?"  
  
Oh God, "Where are they?" he felt panic go through him again holding the basin in a death grip, "Please tell me their not-"  
  
"Their fine, Alex," Snowy's voice rumbled in the bedroom, "They were with me all night. So was Sarge, mage."  
  
"Andraste's fucking arse, Fen. Hawke was here. Can, can one of you check everyone, please," Anders started to shake on Alex's back, "Donnic left early for work. I, I-"  
  
"I'll make sure your son is well, mage. And Si," Snowy left with Cass in tow to check on everyone, Alex watched them leave as Anders pulled him away from the basin.  
  
Both of them were shaking profusely against each other. He, he needed to get dressed, he needed to check the mansion for anything else left behind that shouldn't be there, or missing.  
  
"Brat, I'm scared."  
  
Alex nodded when his friend let him go to dress, "Me too. God you have no idea how scared I am right now."  
  
"Wheres Day? I, I haven't seen him since last night," Anders chewed his lip handing a shirt to him, "We should send word to Cullen, Hawke was here."  
  
They left to go to the kitchen, holding each others hand tightly. Orana squealed running out from it, right up to him flinging her arms around his waist as she shook. Someone must of told her as well when they went down the stairs. He could hear Varric's voice cursing wildly in there, as well as Isabela's and Brennan's. Cass walked out nodding his head to them all then bounded out the front door with his great-sword strapped to his back.  
  
"Maferaths balls, why now?"  
  
Alex swallowed holding both Anders and Orana in his arms, "First Day," he muttered looking at the calender on the wall, "Its the fucking new year."  
  
The dwarf slumped on the stool, "Of course it is. How stupid of me, to even sodding think we can have a year without some shit happening."  
  
"Pup, what we gonna do?" Isabela slid off her seat holding Brennan's hand tight, "Not like we can all bugger off somewhere for a while."  
  
"Izzy, I can go get Harley an the rest of them to look for him, alright. If Donnic ain't already done that by time I get there," Brennan frowned, "I can go let that Templar know whats happening."  
  
"I'll go with you Bren. Pup, stay here, alright. We'll be back later."  
  
Alex just nodded his head putting his hands on the island to brace himself. Anders and Orana held each other tight against one of the counters, he felt sick all over again letting his head loll forward. He, just could not stop shaking. Everything on him rattled like old bones, everything.  
  
His legs almost give out when another pair of arms went around his waist gripping him tight. His legs shook like crazy being held up.  
  
"Alex," Daylen muttered into his hair, "Maker, I had no idea he was here. Andy, Si and Fenris are checking around the mansion for signs of a break-in."  
  
"He was in my room," he choked out trying to keep upright, "He was right there, in my fucking room while I slept."  
  
Daylen gripped him even tighter, gently tugging him away from the island and out the kitchen, "Has anyone seen Merrill?"  
  
"No. Not since she threw me out of her home," he swallowed being guided to the library, "Dayglo, theres, theres a set of sword and shield under my bed. They, they were going to be Justice's. Take them. God just fucking take them and use them, please."  
  
"Will it cause you grief if I use them?" he turned Alex around in his arms to cup his face, "I won't use something if it-"  
  
Alex shook his head, putting his hand over Daylens mouth to quiet him, "No, they were never used, kay. Think of it as a late Satinalia present."  
  
"I will, thank you. And," Daylen softly smiled at him, "I know it was you who gave me the Battlemage armour, Alex."  
  
"Nah, wasn't me," Alex snorted quietly resting his head on Daylens shoulder, "I never do shit like that for anyone. I'm a Scrooge."  
  
"A what now?"  
  
Alex gripped his twins shirt tight, "It doesn't matter. I, I think we should armour up incase, Dayglo."  
  
"Me too."  


* * *

  
  
Cullen issued his orders to the men and women under him, telling them all who to look out, what he looks like. Maker, if he even looked like what he used to being a host to a demon that was. Meredith wasn't happy to hear that the abomination came back to Kirkwall, but when wasn't she happy when it came to mages.  
  
He huffed a sigh when the pirate and guardswoman left, running his hand through his sandy hair. Of all the times this would happen, it would just have to be right now.  
  
But, Cullen thought putting the leather pouch into his pocket, he at least managed to find who the torques belonged too. Knight and Daylen needed to know when he left the Gallows. And Maker take him, he was hoping to do this at a better time then First Day of all things.  
  
He sat there on the boat with other Templars, most he noted, were shaking in their armour at the thought of facing Hawke again. He didn't blame them at all, but he missed all that having to deal with the Knight-Commander's slow ebb into madness. The new sword she wielded did nothing for his nerves either. Didn't calm the nerves of his fellow Templars and mage friends as well when she stalked the halls like a predator.  
  
Cullen sucked in a deep breath when he left the boat, looking at the man in white and gold armour waiting for him.  
  
"Prince Sebastian Vael, I was not expecting you to be here."  
  
Sebastian shook his head, "Aye, but this is an urgent matter, Knight-Captain."  
  
"Indeed it is after last time. Have you fully recovered?" he asked the man as they set off together.  
  
"Aye, thanks to a few friends. Thanks to Knight," the Prince smiled, "But, thats not why I am here to meet you. Grand Cleric Elthina informed me something happened within the Chantry last night. The statue of Andraste was desecrated with obscenities, several books were torn to shreds. The Sunburst banners were torn down with a name written on them I have never heard of before."  
  
Cullen wrinkled his nose up as they walked up the steps, "Who would do such a thing? Did anyone see anything? What was the name?"  
  
Sebastian shrugged, "Nay. No-one saw anything, must of happened in-between prayers. The name, well, the name was Jeanne D'arc. A name I have never heard of. Other words of 'The Chantry is a lie,' was written on the banners, Knight-Captain."  
  
"Sweet Maker. You think Orlesians did this? The name sounds Orlesian," he couldn't wrap his head around why someone would do that, "What were the other obscenities, Sebastian?"  
  
"Other then usual curse words, there was a graphic description of, um," the man swallowed loudly looking at him, "a graphic description of a rape or there of such. About whom, I do not know, but whomever it was about, is a man."  
  
Cullen's feet stopped dead in his track in the middle of the empty market, his heart dropped out from his chest looking at the Prince, "Maker, this, this happened last night you say? The same time, the same time Knight had Hawke enter his home?"  
  
The Princes eyes widen, putting a hand over his mouth, "You don't think- No, Alex would of said something if it happened."  
  
"Show me this, filth," Cullen spat walking ahead of the man now, "I want to see this for myself."  
  
He didn't wait for the other man when he charged through everyone to the Hightown steps. Anger rolled through him, anger and hate ebbed and flowed like a tide going through his core. He hasn't felt this anger since what Uldred put him through, what those demons made him watch. What they did to him. Cullen clamped his eyes shut trying to push all that away, he didn't want to think about any of that right now, but a little hard too with what he may face in the Chantry.  
  
Sebastian ran ahead of him, telling the Brothers there to open the closed doors for them.  
  
His heart pounded even harder within his chest walking slowly through the doors seeing everything desecrated around him. Candles were smashed, the incense holders were torn away from the walls. Books and paper littered the place.  
  
Cullen looked over one of the banners, looking at the name, looking at the words written on them. No, not just written the more he looks, they were burned into the cloth. Magic flowed everywhere around him, slowly sinking into his body the more he looked about himself.  
  
"Are ye sure you wish to read what was written on the Makers Bride, Knight-Captain? Even I canne read it all."  
  
"Yes, if its Hawke, if its about Knight, I need to see it for myself," he chewed on his lip carefully stepping around the destruction.  
  
Andraste's golden statue still lit up with the ever burning flame, but he could clearly see the words when he walked to the pulpit. He could clearly the graphic nature of what was written there. His stomach plummeted to his boots reading it all, trying his hardest to blink away the tears that threatened to fall. Cullen put a hand over his mouth when he looked away, walking back down the pulpit and out the Chantry for fresh air.  
  
It wasn't about a rape at all, it was about what actually happened within the place sometime ago, within the mansion. The words of 'Think of them everytime filth' was written under the graphic description of sex and abuse. Cullen didn't know what to do as he stood there trying to push everything away. Why would someone even do that, why would they do any of this?  
  
He touched the pouch in his pocket walking slowly down the Chantry steps, thinking. He felt dirty for Knight, he felt dirty himself fisting his hands by his sides, trying to not remember what happened to him. Makers breath, all he ever wanted was someone to love him, not have demons force anything upon him, feeding him lies, feeding him his own wants back into him.  
  
Cullen swallowed sharply looking at Knights mansion, looking at the dark wood door. He didn't want to do this, but he had no choice now when he knocked on the door. He needed to find out what any of that meant.  


* * *

  
  
"Alex, calm down," Daylen tried to pin his arms to his sides, "Makers breath, theres nothing you can do about it, okay."  
  
He was having none of it when he broke free, pushing past the Knight-Captain, pushing past everyone to go to the fucking Chantry. He needed to go see this shit for himself. He needed to fucking see his private damn life written on Andraste's fucking statue.  
  
"Knight, Maker I'm so sorry," Cullen ran after him when he stormed though the empty Hightown market, "But please, listen to me-"  
  
Alex turned on his heel, nearly making the Templar fall over when he sneered his lip up at him, putting his finger on the cold armour, "You have exactly two fucking minutes, then I'm walking away again, kay."  
  
"Thank you. The torques, I, I found who they belonged too," Cullen sucked in a deep breath pulling them out of his pouch, "It's not Hawke. It's someone else, someone unknown. I, I made a phylactery from the blood as best as I could."  
  
"Whats that?"  
  
Cullen chewed his lip pulling something else out from the pouch, "It's blood we take from a mage so we can track them if they escape. Every circle does this Knight."  
  
"Blood magic," Alex felt anger rise up in him looking at what looked like a garish compass in the mans hand, "You track them with fucking blood magic. Hypocritical much."  
  
"It is unfortunately. But how else can we track those who could be deemed dangerous?"  
  
He slowly shook his head looking at the compass when Daylen and Cassidy caught up, "Fucking bullshit. But," he put up his finger when Cullen went to protest again, "can we use that to find whoever left those behind?"  
  
"We can. Knight, even the stone left in the broken one had enough blood to make a small phylactery," the Knight-Captain then pulled a second compass out, "It would of glowed or hummed if that was Hawke in the mansion. It wasn't. Whom ever was there, was not Hawke who did that."  
  
"Then who Cullen?" Daylen took the second compass looking it over.  
  
"Whoever the blood in the first phylactery belonged too, Daylen. And whoever they are, they are not within the city limits," Cullen turned around in a slow circle with the compass in his hand, watching in intently until he nodded his head, pointing, "Outside the city."  
  
Alex felt his stomach bottom out to where he was pointing. The exit where Sundermount was.  
  
"No, please tell me- Oh fucking please tell me its not-"  
  
"Sweet boy," Cass put his hand on his shoulder, "whats going on?"  
  
He looked up at the man, swallowing sharply, "Merrill," he whispered, "She, she was with Carver a lot. She, wanted to go back to the clan then she goes missing. Please tell me I'm fucking wrong. Sweet fucking hell tell me I'm wrong."  
  
"But how would she know about all that?" Daylen waved his hand where the Chantry was, "How can she- The journals, did she read them with you too?"  
  
"She borrowed a few, I never saw them again," his stomach landed on the floor by his feet, "FUCK!"  
  
"You don't think she was, jealous, do you?" Cassidy took the compass from the Templars hand, "Ugh, this is a disgusting thing mage-killer. But useful."  
  
Alex chewed on his lip looking at the gate leaving the city, "We need to go. I have to make sure the clans fine. I, I have to see..."  
  
"I agree. See," Cullen took the compass back pointing it towards the Chantry, a faint flicker went over the blood, "she was there in the Chantry. Seems she holds a grudge, Knight."  
  
"If its Merrill, if she's done this, Cullen. If she's hurt the fucking clan," Alex growled slowly walking to the gate, "You have my permission to kill her, Templar. THIS, has gone too far!"  
  
They all set off running, Cullen taking the lead following where the compass pointed. Nobles were pushed out the way by all four of them, small snow flakes started to fall from the sky when they got to the gate. Fucking hell, they needed to do this, he had to see if the clan was alright, he had to make sure he was wrong on Merrill doing this. But unease went right through him when Cullen pointed to the dirt path he knows far too well.  
  
The dirt path that led up to the clan hidden half way up Sundermount. The same dirt path he knows like the back of his hand as they ran up the slope. The same dirt path that led to his elven family.  
  
Alex's heart hammered in his chest like a heavy rain, his feet felt like the didn't touch the ground the further they ran. His entire body shook the closer they got, the blood within the garish thing humming brighter and brighter the closer they got. There was also another set of footfalls behind them. He tugged on Daylens arm to stop looking over his shoulder, then lets out a pained sound at Si and his dogs running after them.  
  
"The fuck! No Squirt, go home for the love of everything. Trouble, Major, take her home, Please!" Alex put his hands out to her, "I don't want you involved in all this, kay."  
  
"Like buggery I'm going to sit at home," she wrinkled her nose up pulling her staff free, "Don't think I didn't hear, Alex. If she's done something to a clan, I want to be there."  
  
He shook his head looking at the three of them, the sighed putting his hand out to her, "Fine. Trouble, Major, make sure no-one else comes up behind us. Thank you."  
  
"Her? Simon, I thought you were a boy?" Cullen looked over his shoulder when they set off again, "Forgive me, I had no idea."  
  
Si shrugged her shoulders taking Daylens hand too, "Yes well, you all made a mistake. Creators, I just played along so I got left alone. Its Sijon by the way, Cullen."  
  
"Guess you didn't think about Andy being Anders son then?" Daylen sighed, "Neither did I really. Well, I barely remember either of you, Si. I did keep to myself within to circle, though my best friends were Jowan and Anders, so..."  
  
"I don't even remember Anders at all. He is a lot older then me, so, near top floor, right?"  
  
Daylen nodded his head, "Yes. But that never really stopped the older ones from coming down to train any of us. Or to hand out dirty books," he then chuckled.  
  
"Anders was also in solitary for almost a year, Sijon. And Daylen, by near the time you arrived, was going to be a Warden thanks- Sweet Maker, what is that smell?" Cullen clamped a hand over his mouth, they all did the closer they got to the camp.  
  
Alex's heart hammered harder in his chest when he stopped them all. Fear, trepidation and dread when the taste of blood magic rolled across his tongue. Everyone looked at each other, then back up the slope. His stomach knotted violently when it rolled over his skin, seeping into his blood, taking hold of him as he stood there with the hairs on his arms lifting. The smell of death lingered into the air, lingered and rolled over everything when he slowly walked forward with them all.  
  
He walked up the path, wanting to cry out at the first dead body laying there. The stench of blood and effluvia overwhelmed his nose as more bodies lined the way. Maren was there, her head twisted at an impossible angle, Pol was not too far away with his bow lodged into his back. He wanted to scream when he got into the camp proper, moving his eyes over the dead bodies of clan Sabrae laying there butchered.  
  
"No, oh God no," tears rolled down his face looking at them all, at the burnt down Aravel's lining a ring around the camp. The bonfire where Marethari and her Second once stood by, was cold and empty. Each and every single person he cared about in the clan was dead, all of them.  
  
"They, have been dead for a few days," Cullen muttered behind his hand, "Makers breath, why would she kill her own clan?"  
  
Alex walked slowly among the dead, looking at all their faces remembering them all. Master Ilen, Hahren Paivel, Junar, Fenarel and Chandan would never hunt again, would never make fine crafted weapons for the clan, would never tell stories or be bonded with their mate. None of them. She killed them all for the fucking Arulin'Holm, to fix the fucking mirror.  
  
Tears streamed down his face going up the slope he knows well, where he found Lyna the Halla. Where the tree was split because of Carvers fucking magic.  
  
Trouble ran past him howling, Major hot on her heels going up the slope, Alex felt sick go through him again running after them. She howled again, they both did and Alex wept with joy when Lyna came running down the slope towards him. Her white coat may of had flecks of blood on it, Alex cupped her face when she head butted him, but she was unharmed.  
  
"Thank God your alright," he ran his hand over her head and horns, "Si, Trouble, Major, take her down the slope. I don't want ANY of you up there."  
  
"Alex," Si wrapped her arms around his waist, "be safe up there. I'll take her back to Kirkwall proper, we'll wait for you back home."  


* * *

  
  
The climb to the peak took longer then they hoped, took them almost a day to traverse the winding paths and trails, the rocky outcrops and landslides through the falling snow. But the four of them stood outside the cave were the magic was strong, almost beckoning them to enter, daring them to step one foot into the darkness beyond the cave mouth.  
  
Daylen summoned a few wisps taking his shield from his back, the sword from his hip when he walked into the cave first. Cass was the second one through, his great-sword held firmly in his grasp. But Cullen stood there shaking next to Alex, his entire armour rattled with how scared he was.  
  
"Sweet Maker. Knight, I, I, I should go and ge-get the rest of the Order to deal with this."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up looking at the Knight-Captain, "Fucking hell, Cullen. It'll be far too fucking late if we go back now. We have to deal with this shit."  
  
"I, I can't do this. Maker, I'm trying to mo-mo-move, but I can't!"  
  
"Then stay here, kay. I ain't going to make you do something against your will, Cullen," Alex took the mans shoulders, "The three of us can deal with this. But if something goes wrong, if we're not out within the hour, go back to Kirkwall, bring them all here."  
  
Cullen nodded his head gripping Alex's own shoulders tight, "Knight, stay safe, please."  
  
Alex smiled softly letting the man go, and walked into the cave to find the others. But shit almighty, the smell clung at him the further he walked, pulling the daggers from his thighs trying to see anything. Reminded him too much of Maurevar's fucking Necromancy bullshit. But this was Merrill, she wasn't like him at all. But she killed the entire clan for nothing. She bloody well desecrated the Chantry out of jealousy.  
  
He spotted the three wisps ahead, letting out a sigh of relief go through him when he runs over to them. Daylen was kneeling down to something the closer he got, Cassidy's face was sour when he looked at him coming over, then put up his hand.  
  
"Sweet boy, prepare yourself."  
  
"For what?"" he frowned looking at him.  
  
Cass's face soured even more pointing to what Daylen was attending too, "Everything."  
  
He jogged to were his twin was and looked down, his mouth hung open at the two people laying there. One was not long dead, judging by the fresh blood and the twisted features of someone he once knew, the other, well, she was trying to smile.  
  
Tears fell from his face looking at Marethari laying there with a dagger in her gut, her pure white hair stained deep red. Her head slowly rolled over to his, "There you are, Da'len."  
  
"Keeper, did Merrill do this?" he pointed to her body laying not to far away as he knelt.  
  
Marethari winced trying to nod her head, "Ir abelas, there was nothing I could do. I stopped her from freeing them but-" she winced again clutching her gut, "There is little time. I have done what I could when I imprisoned Hawke. Forgive me Dirthamen, I had no choice but to lie to you."  
  
"I think she's delirious with blood loss, Alex. She called me Falon'Din," Daylen sighed looking at him, "Theres nothing I can do for her."  
  
"Lie about what, Keeper?" Alex took her hand in his, "Why is Hawke here?"  
  
Marethari smiled again trying to grip his hand, "The twins reunited once more, as should be. Ir abelas, Dirthamen, Falon'Din. You must kill- you-" her hand slowly fell away from his when he choked back on the sob. Her head rolled to one side as her eyes closed, Alex grit his teeth pushing his fingers against her jugular to find a pulse, but there wasn't one when he sat heavily on his backside.  
  
What was she lying about? Why the fuck was Hawke imprisoned here when he vanished? What the fuck was going on?  
  
"Wheres Cullen?"  
  
Alex blinked a few times, then shook his head at Daylen, "Outside waiting for us. He didn't want to come in here, but I told him if we ain't out in an hour, to go back and get everyone."  
  
"Sweet boys, about what she said-"  
  
"She was just delirious, Cassidy," Daylen pulled Alex up off the floor, "But she said she lied. Lied about what?"  
  
Alex shrugged looking down a set of steps behind Merrill's dead body, "Maybe about Hawke? She said she didn't know where he went the last time I came up here. Fuck if I know. I just lost all my fucking friends because of the bitch over there."  
  
"Sweet boys, just listen to me, please!"  
  
"Cass, what the fuck is it?" Alex whined looking at the taller man, his head was bowed looking at him, "Whats wrong?"  
  
Cassidy's face fell again, "Think about what she said, 'The twins reunited as should be.' Think about it all. Think about who they were, think about who you two are. Where you came from Alex, why Daylen was here before you. Falon'Din and Dirthamen were separated via the veil, ravens took Dirthamen to find his twin."  
  
Alex frowned looking at Daylen, "Its just legends, Cass. Si even said it was a whole load of bullshit."  
  
"Every legend has a grain of truth behind it all," Cassidy muttered sadly, "It may not of been ravens, but it was two Hawkes who guided you to Daylen."  
  
"You've lost your fucking mind Cass! Look, we need to find Hawke, put this shit behind us and bury my fucking friends out there as is tradition for the Dalish, for them all," Alex spat.  
  
"Alex, listen to him. Think about it."  
  
"Not you too!" he flung his hands up in the air before picking up his dropped daggers from the ground, "I didn't come from the fucking FADE!" he spat again pointing his daggers at them both, "I came from Earth, England, fucking Canterbury, not, not where ever they came from!"  
  
He shook his head backing away from them both, walking down the steps to where Hawke supposedly was, "And besides, I was trapped under the fucking Lorry that killed me, not, trapped in the fucking fade."  
  
Good fucking god, both of them have lost their fucking minds if they believe any of that. Shit, Marethari died because of Merrill, she died because of Hawke, she died and there was nothing he could do to bring her or any of his friends back from the dead. None of them. Fucks sake, he wasn't some thousand year old elven fucking legend, he was human for the love of everything, a human FROM EARTH!  
  
Ugh, those two should never let the dying womans words get to them. She may of been a friend, but hell, it made no sense. Alex rolled his eyes at the sound of running feet coming towards him, it was madness, utter fucking madness if they believed any of that. He sighed deeply when a hand landed on his shoulder to stop him, shaking his head he pulled free from it going down the rock corridor to a cavern.  
  
The hand landed on his shoulder again, he snapped at it when he turned around, "I'M NOT IN THE FUCKING MOO-" he cut himself off looking at the owner of the hand looking at him, "Oh God."  
  
Alex stumbled backwards through to the cavern beyond, his heart pounded thousand fold in his chest as the person watched his every movement under his hair. The smirk on his face was hideous looking at him, his mouth twisted when he smiled wide showing the jagged teeth in his mouth. Alex shook going further into the cavern, trying to tear his eyes away from Carver reaching out to him. Why the fuck couldn't he feel them?  
  
Deep red cracks raced across his skin when he lunged at Alex, he barely got out the way when the hand snagged his sleeve and missed by a fraction of an inch. Where the fuck were Cass and Daylen when Carver lunged again at him. Alex ducked out the way, slicing though Carvers bicep when he danced around the man. Sweet fuck, was he taller now, taller and fucking twisted when he roared snarling his entire face up, circling around Alex.  
  
"Beautiful minx, we knew you couldn't resist us," Carvers voice was mingled with Vengeance's, "Knew you'd end up finding our prison the bitch put us in. We missed you," they kissed out.  
  
"Fuck you, arsehole."  
  
Vengeance Carver threw his head back when he stopped his waltz, "There you go again, making us all hot and bothered. Get us out of here and we'll make it up to you."  
  
Alex shook his head backing away again, "Like fuck I will. You can stay here and rot all I fucking care. But no," he dipped his head pointing a dagger at them, "I want to kill you. We all do."  
  
"GO AHEAD," they roared, pulling the tattered shirt collar down tapping their neck, "Kill us. Kill me. Maker just fucking kill me, PLEASE!"  
  
"Carver?"  
  
The hideous visage of Carver blinked away the red cracks, still tapping his neck, "Please, kill me. Please. I can't take this shit any more, please!"  
  
"Don't listen, sweet boy. Their lying."  
  
"Oh look what finally dragged itself along," Carver spat, "Hello filthy fucking pet. Why am I not surprised your still with that fucking 'Thing.'"  
  
Daylen stepped to oneside from behind Cassidy, aiming his sword right at Carver, "So your my so called cousin. Your the one trying to invade my dreams," he spat on the ground, "Filth, both of you. How could you Justice? How bloody could you?"  
  
"Commander, that cannot be you. You, you look like-" Vengeance Carver looked between them both, then roared, "IMPOSTOR!"  
  
He lunged at them all again, Cass swung out his great-sword cutting right through the things stomach, then across his back when it stumbled forward. He kicked Carver hard, knocking him to the floor, then looked right at Alex, "Sweet boy, you won't be able to kill him even weakened as he is. But I can. Daylen, get him out of here, look after each other please. Now leave."  
  
"Cass, what the fuck!" Alex shook his head as the man attacked Carver again when the beast rose from the ground, "NO DON'T!"  
  
"I choose to die on my terms. NOW LEAVE!" Cassidy yelled out.  
  
Alex screamed when Daylen picked him up, putting him over his shoulder as he ran out the cave when it shook. He screamed and screamed trying to break free from the man, trying to stop Cassidy from doing this. The entire mountain shook around them, the roars and yells ripping through his core when he was carried out the entrance.  
  
Blood rushed through his ears, kicking and screaming to go back in there when the mountain shook again. He needed to save Cass, he needed to stop him killing himself against Carver, but there was nothing he could do when the cave entrance collapsed, blocking his path back when he broke free. His fingers dug into the rocks trying to pull them away, tears blurred his vision the more they poured down his face, his finger nails and skin being ripped away the more he dug against the collapse, blood smearing over the stone.  
  
"We, we have to save him," Alex choked out still clawing at the rocks, "Oh God, we have to save him."  
  
"Alex, theres nothing we can do!"  
  
"WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM," he shouted slowly slumping down the collapse, "We have to-"  
  
"Makers breath, what happened in there? Wheres Cassidy?" Cullen muttered behind him, "The first compass were dead when we got here, the second," he heard a rustle then a sigh, "is now out too."  
  
Alex slumped down the entire way on the collapse sobbing hard into it, his blooded hand pressed against the stone. His heartbroke inside his chest when he howled in pain, he howled gently slipping his hand down to his face. He lost so many people in one go, so many fucking people gone for selfishness, for petty blood magic. He just lost Cassidy behind the collapse, it would take weeks to dig through all that rubble, there was nothing he could do but howl in pain laying on his back with his face covered by his blooded hands.  
  
They were all gone.


	36. Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath, Alex grieves up on Sundermount and finds out more about how he actually got here. Daylen looses his virginity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Grief, past deaths, smut.
> 
> Moby - Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad? - https://youtu.be/6QaAL1w-1ek

**9:36 Dragon - Guardian.**  
  
Snowy had left two hours ago now, no longer wanting to sit there looking over the vhenadahl. Alex didn't blame him at all. But his stupid sorry arse was still sitting there on the bottom step, holding a piece of Merrill's mirror in his gloved hand wrapped in leather cloth, so he didn't actually get the tainted filth onto his skin.  
  
Cullen had destroyed the thing with Thrask and Keran, Meredith even made an appearance to congratulate him on culling two highly dangerous blood mages in one go. Then she pissed him off calling Cassidy a fucking dirty Qunari, that the city was better off without heathens like them. Yeah, he may or may not called her every name under the sun when she stormed off.  
  
He, may or may not of thrown a stone near her head when she looked back at him with a smirk on her face.  
  
Ugh, its been a month since all that, a month of burying his elven family under Sundermount, giving them all Uthenera with Si and Daylen. The cave-in was still being dug out as it was, but Alex didn't hold out any hope that Cass was alive in any of that. He died on his terms, still didn't make Alex feel any better about it though.  
  
He spent over a week curled up in a ball in his bed, ignoring everyone around him again, except his dogs and Sarge, when he cried himself out with grief.  
  
He then spent the next few weeks digging graves for them all, placing items inside each grave before covering them with dirt, a small seed planted on-top of them all so nothing was wasted. Si brought Lyna with her, but the Halla refused to be near the camp. It was heartbreaking to watch the Halla wail with grief standing there outside the burial grounds, it tore his insides up when he wrapped his arms around her neck to calm her down. Lyna bowed her head once, then slowly made her own way back to Kirkwall, Si had to go catch her up.  
  
But, at least Daylen found Marethari's journals addressed to Alex and brought them back.  
  
He has yet to read them.  
  
But other then all that, Hawke was fucking dead along with fucking Vengeance. And didn't that ease his damn mind hundred fold. Still didn't stop him from sitting there in the Alienage looking over at Merrill's old home, still didn't stop him from thinking what the fuck happened for her to turn against him. She was so jealous of Alex because she couldn't have him it was sickening, sweet fucking hell, was she jealous.  
  
She wanted to bring him down several pegs because of this jealousy. Why she wrecked the Chantry, putting up his private life for all and sundry to see. Why she left the wolf tooth necklace behind for Cassidy to find. Why she left Carvers old staff she managed to pilfer from the man, then left it in Si's room as a taunt. Not that Alex minded one bit, she could use it all she wants. Si was more then happy to use it too.  
  
Alex now held a massive grudge for every fucking blood mage out there, every fucking one of them. Jowan nearly killed Daylen trying to free himself. Uldred killed ninety percent of Kinloch because he wanted to break away from the Chantry. At least Andy, Si and Anders survived all that shit. Merrill slitting her wrists to bring back a memento of the past that would of killed everyone. Carver and his mother fucking brother were abusive blood mage pieces of shit.  
  
Bah, at least other mages stayed away from that sick bullcrap, he now understood why Snowy is the way he is now, why Daylen said it was a stupid idea to free all mages. But he would never go against them, everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves, but the moment they start asking twisted for help, he draws the line at that bullshit.  
  
"Knight, are you really still sitting there?"  
  
Alex snorted tilting his head back, "Yeah I am. I thought you went back to the barracks, Cullen."  
  
The Templar shrugged joining him on the bottom step, "I did, but there was nothing for me to do."  
  
"So your joining me in civvies? Go to the fucking Hanged Man for the love of everything. Go get drunk, fall into bed with a bloody whore, Cullen."  
  
"Sweet Maker," the man blushed bright red, rubbing the back of his neck when he looked away, "Are you always this crass, Knight?"  
  
Alex deadpanned looking at him, "Really. You've known me how long? Of course I am, always will be. Fuck, hang out with Izzy for a while, then tell me I'm crass."  
  
Cullen squeaked looking back at him, was funny really when the man blushed deep red again trying to cover everything up with a cough, "I'd rather not, thank you. But anyway, thats not why I am here. That demon you said roamed the Chantry, I had a mage come with me to find what it was over the past few weeks. We found it."  
  
"Your joking? So I was right."  
  
"Not exactly," Cullen shrugged, "Was never in the Chantry to begin with. It was a friend of Prince Sebastian Vaels who had the demon within. I, with the mage and himself, dealt with it in Hightown. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the Harimanns had sent out mercenary's to kill the Princes family, the mother took the Desire within herself so she could do it. She, used to be a very pious woman, thats why she traveled with the contingent to the Alienage when you felt it those few years ago."  
  
Alex slowly shook his head looking down at the leather wrapped mirror shard, "Fuck. Well, least you all found out who did it. Sodding blood mages. One less bullshit to worry about then."  
  
"She wasn't a mage, Knight. There never was any type of magic to run in the Harimanns at all. She found it under the city when she started to expand her home, then took it on its deal. She killed her own family in the process for the deals it promised."  
  
"Fucking hell. Is Seb alright though?"  
  
Cullen nodded smiling slightly, "Indeed he is. He, the same as you, said it was one less thing to worry about. He's thinking of returning to Starkhaven soon now thats been found out. But nonetheless, there is also some other news you may not like though."  
  
Alex slumped his shoulders, then rolled his eyes to the man next to him, "Let me guess: The Knight-Commander up and decided to take the Viscount's seat, and is now going to run Kirkwall into the ground."  
  
"I, I- yes, how'd you know?"  
  
"I'm not dumb, Cullen. She's the type to do bullshit like that," he snorted at the mans face, "People in power want more power, so they fucking well climb the backs of the downtrodden just so they can bloody take it."  
  
The sandy haired man slowly shook his head at him, "I know, I know. I should of known better you would of found out. Theres not much we can do about it, the nobles will be too frightened to say anything to a Templar like her, you won't be able to do anything either. The Grand Cleric seems loath to even step in to do anything as well."  
  
"Why am I not surprised. She hasn't done shit other then waggle her finger at me, calling me a debauchee. Ugh," Alex sighed through his nose, "stop me if you've heard this one before, Cullen. But... fuck the Chantry."  
  
Cullen rose swiftly from the ground, then held his hand out. Alex quirked an eyebrow at the man looking at his hand, then to his face, "What you doing?" he sing-songed.  
  
"Allow me to escort you home, Knight. It is getting near curfew."  
  
"Oh for the love of God. You trying to be all chivalrous with me or something?" he shook his head taking the mans hand to be helped to stand, "Hey look ma, chivalry's not dead!"  
  
Cullen just smiled slightly hooking his arm with Alex's when they set off up the steep steps, "I see nothing wrong with escorting someone home, male or female, Knight. Let the Chantry see that."  
  
"Just escorting?"  
  
The mans face blushed when he dipped his head, "Perhaps. I, I never- I mean- Maker, shut up Cullen."  
  
Alex just let the whole thing slide while they walked through Lowtown. If the bloody man wanted to spit it out, he would. Eventually. But still, he looked down at the shard in his hand, wondering what the fuck to do with that piece. Hmm, paperweight, yeah, he'd use it as a paperweight for the ' Fuck You' letters.  
  
He still needed to finish up the books he was writing under the pseudo name of Tate Wolff, with Snoopy's help of course.  
  
Hard in Hightown was a roaring success as it was. The romance serial Swords and shields, not so much. Eh, Alex thought it needed more flagrant sex in it, not heaving bosoms and sheathing weapons crap. Izzy agreed with him on that regard and tried to rewrite the whole thing with him. Snoopy... was not pleased.  
  
They got near the top of the Hightown steps before Cullen stopped them both, rubbing the back of his neck pulling from the 'Escorting.'  
  
"Knight. I, Maker, I commissioned the Champion armour for you. I, I thought you looked nice in the all black you normally wear, and" he closed his eyes breathing in deeply before continuing, "I, found one of Anders' manifesto's and saw the beautifully done artwork on it. When I found out it was you, I, well, I, did all that for you."  
  
Alex quirked his eyebrow at the man again, "I know, I already said thanks for it."  
  
"Le-let me finish before I wet myself," Cullen then blinked at what he said, biting his lip hard when Alex began to chuckle at him, "Sweet Maker."  
  
"Naww, does the Knight-Captain have a crush?" Alex smirked poking his chest.  
  
"Wha-what if I did?"  
  
Alex shrugged walking off up the steps, "I would say your barking up the wrong tree, Cullen. I don't do Templars as you fucking well know."  
  
He shook his head slowly walking through the empty market, looking down at his gloved hand. Seriously, bloody Cullen of all people had a sodding crush on him? A Templar at that. No, the bloody Knight-Captain! Gods sake.  
  
"Knight, wait," the man himself ran after him, Alex just heaved out a long loud sigh when he faced the red cheeked Templar, "Forgive me, it, it wasn't the time nor place to, um, to bring that up. I apologise."  
  
"Apology accepted," Alex nodded at him, "Now go home, Cullen, before your own men drag you to one of Donnic's cells for the night."  
  
Cullen furrowed his brow while he chewed his bottom lip, shuffling slightly before he sighed out, "Goodnight... Alex," then left to go to the barracks.  
  
Alex rolled his entire body back towards his own home, shaking his head once more clutching the leather wrapped shard in his gloved hand. Yeah alright, Cullen was pretty damn cute, but the mans a Templar for the love of everything. And he's not long lost Cassidy and the clan. Ugh, of all the people in Thedas...  
  
He pushed his front door open, then smirked at the light coming from the kitchen when he locked it behind him. He could hear Daylen talking to his dogs from within, when he dropped the shard onto the table along with his gloves and coat. Bloody hell, his fingers were still a mess even with the healing from both Anders and his son. They were all mourning the loss of Cass and the clan too. But he was one the still hurting over it.  
  
He casually strolled into the kitchen, Daylen was leaning against the island drinking milk. Alex stood a few feet away from him tilting his head, a smirk going over his face while the two dogs snored by the stove.  
  
"Guess who the fucking Knight-Captain has a crush on?"  
  
Milk just sprayed out of his twins mouth all over his shirt. Alex stood there with his mouth open blinking his eyes, "GROSS!"  
  
"Makers breath, your the one who said it!" Daylen sputtered putting the glass down, "Did he tell you?"  
  
"YES!" Alex flicked his hands out everywhere, wrinkling his nose up at the milk stains, "Ugh, so classy. No, don't," he pointed his finger at the other man when he started to laugh, "He was basically going to wet himself if he didn't tell me. I think you just fucking did that for him."  
  
"Sorry, but this is far too funny," a cloth got thrown into his face, "What did you tell him?"  
  
Alex shucked out of his wet shirt throwing it at the laughing man, "Dayglo, don't fucking start. Told him he was barking up the wrong tree. I think he's gone home to pout."  
  
"So two for two, hmm."  
  
Alex narrowed his eyes at Daylen, throwing the cloth back at him, "Go shove that," he wrinkled his nose up, backing out the kitchen pointing his finger, "where the sun don't shine."  
  
"The Grand Cleric's pussy?"  
  
He stopped half way in the main room as he laughed, "I think you've been hanging around with Izzy too much. Wash my damn shirt, arsehole, your mess."

* * *

  
  
**9:36 Dragon - Drakonis.**  
  
The slow trip to Sundermount was heartwracking for him. The smoke from his roll-up rose from his mouth in the cold air, curling around his face shoving his hands in his pockets. Alex rolled his shoulders under his pack, the tent and bedroll bumped his backside when he kicked a stone out the way. Trouble ran after it, then brought it back for her brother, both of them then ran ahead to chase more invisible stones that he didn't kick.  
  
Alex's gloved hand scrunched the letter in his pocket more the further he walked alone with them. He didn't want anyone else there when he got to the peak. Told them all he'll be spending a few days away from everyone to grieve after he got to the cave.  
  
God, he wasn't looking forward to hiking up there again after the TunnelRats dug through the collapse. But Varric informed him it was done, to take his time getting there. Birthday or no, Alex didn't really care right now.  
  
He flicked ash away with his tongue when one of the dwarves came to meet him outside the Sabrae's burial ground, "Mornin' Knight. Sorry took so long, but its done. The boys already left last night."  
  
"Thank you, Carter. You should get home too, mate."  
  
Carter nodded his head slowly, "I will. The Guild wants to know if you want a monument put up for them all. I told them to hold off for a while."  
  
Alex smiled slightly taking his smoke from his mouth, "Thats- thank you. I'll let you and the Guild know when. Snoopy can drop off the cost for it all, alright. Take care going back, bit fucking slippery coming up here, Carter."  
  
"Aye, sodding slippery as shit up there too, Knight. We'll settle accounts with Tethras," Carter dipped his head again walking back down the slope, "Stay safe Salroka."  
  
He stood there for a while longer, looking over each grave under the frost. Looking at each and every single one of them buried there, remembering them all. Marethari had a special one in the center of the grounds, the bonfire forever lit with magic, the pale green flames of veil fire Si created would forever be there as a reminder. Alex wiped his eyes, wiping away the tears that rolled down his face, then hiked his back pack up more and set off to the slope to the split tree.  
  
His dogs trotted quietly through the grounds beside him, both of them as silent as he was. Everything was silent around them, everything. Even the wind seemed loath to make a noise through the trees, even the birds who used to fly over head were silent. It was as if the place had become a sanctuary, had become a place of solitude where noise was not accepted on the burial ground.  
  
Alex lowered his head when he got to the spilt tree over looking the place, unshucking his pack to the ground. He slowly tilted his head upward to the peak, then back down to the ground while he swallowed down the spit in his mouth.  
  
Major whined quietly next to him, gently nudging his leg with his head looking down the slope. Trouble whined too, headbutting her brother before they both walked away to lay under the tree. Alex slowly moved his head to look, then sighed at Daylen standing there with his own pack in his hands.  
  
"Dayglo, I said I-"  
  
Daylen put his hand up walking up to him, "I know. But you shouldn't do this alone, Alex."  
  
"I want to bloody do this on my own," he shook his head looking back up to the peak, "Exactly why I said for no-one else to come, fucks sake."  
  
"Your going to need me to move the last few boulders out the way," Daylen wrapped his arms around Alex's waist from behind, "Can you do magic? No. Then you need me."  
  
He slumped his shoulders a little looking back down at the ground, "I suppose. I still don't get how your different then Anders and Si."  
  
"It was a gift," Daylen released him picking up his pack again, "during the Blight. I found an ancient phylactery within some old ruins in the Brecilian forest. Everyone thought it was one of the Black phylactery's."  
  
Alex frowned looking at his twin removing the tent and bedroll from his pack when Daylen picked it up, "I don't understand. Whats the difference between what the fucking Templars use, to those other two?"  
  
Daylen smiled slightly at him, "Black phylactery's contain dark entities: Revenant's. Nasty things, trust me on that. The one I found wasn't anything like them at all. It contained an ancient elven spirit trapped within. I freed him and in return he taught me how to be Dirth'ena Enasalin, an Arcane Warrior. Along with my other magics, I am a true Battlemage, Alex."  
  
"So," he quirked an eyebrow, "is this why you could pick me up like a sack of taters then?"  
  
"Yes. I don't think theres anyone else out there with this knowledge at all. Its been lost for centuries," Daylen sighed kneeling down, "The trapped spirit wouldn't let Morrigan anywhere near it, nor Wynne. But she already had Faith within her, keeping her alive. Me, the ancient spirit wanted someone to learn everything he had before returning to Uthenera. He found me worthy enough to grant me the gift."  
  
Alex frowned even more helping the other man with the tent, "Wynne, the Senior Enchanter in Kinloch, had a fucking spirit in her like Anders did? I know about spirit healers now thanks to him and Andy, but, isn't that, I don't know... dangerous? Look what happened with Justice."  
  
"Cassidy already said Justice wasn't exactly Justice now, didn't he. He was Vengeance the whole time and lied to everyone about it," Daylen wrinkled his nose up looking at him, "Twisted ones will always lie, even lie to themselves about who they truly are. I didn't see it but should of known, you know. But no, Faith saved Wynne's life, he watched her growing up too.  
  
He wasn't evil or anything, but she was a spirit healer, sometimes he came out through her to bolster her healing. He was always so polite, always so calm whenever he spoke. I, I just hope their both safe with Shayle wherever they all are."  
  
Alex knocked his shoulder with Daylens, with a soft smile going over his face, "You don't know half the shit I can do for a rogue either. He only got to see it once, but I can do much more then that."  
  
"Oh? And whats that," his shoulder got knocked back while he tightened the brace.  
  
"I can summon spirit animals to aid me in a fight. Wolves, bears, even wild cats. I can slip into the shadows without fucking smoke bombs now," Alex grinned, "Nate wanted to know how I did that. Told his he'd have to fight me for it. He refused."  
  
Daylen grinned back at him chuckling pulling the canvas over the braces, "Why in the Makers name did he refuse?"  
  
"Oh, might be because I took down a group of bandits all by my lonesome. Sprung up behind each and every single one of them, shoving my daggers in hilt deep before anyone else even drew their weapons. He didn't want to fight me after that for the small bit of knowledge."  
  
"Makers breath. But anyway," Daylen shoved both their bedroll's into the now pitched tent, "shall we make our way up there? I know the TunnelRats made a new path up to the peak, so shouldn't take us near as long as before."  
  
He chewed his lip as he stood, putting his pack on his back, "Yeah. I, I have to see, Dayglo. I still want to be here for a few days, you know."  
  
Daylen nodded putting his own pack on. He smiled softly at Alex, cupping one hand to his face brushing his thumb over his cheek before pulling away. Alex whistled for his dogs to follow, then set for the long climb to the peak. He wasn't looking forward to this, but he had to know, he had to see what was left so he could bury all that as well.

* * *

  
  
Both the dogs whined walking through the cleared tunnel, both of them keeping close to him and Daylen. The two wisps hovered about their heads as they clasped hands tight together. His stomach wanted to knot, but he wasn't going to allow it too the further they carefully walked. The TunnelRats did an excellent job at bracing everything, keeping the collapse from happening until they finished.  
  
Daylen put his hand up when they got to the cavern, motioning him and the dogs to keep back while he moved the final boulders out the way.  
  
His stomach knotted then, watching his twin just pick them up, watching the slight shimmer of gold go over his armour, putting the boulders to one side with ease. Alex felt nothing go over his skin, felt nothing go through him when they walked through the cave mouth, nothing but emptiness. Trouble rested her head on him looking up as he looked down at her. Major had his head over her back watching Daylen.  
  
"I know," he whispered when he ran a hand over her head, "You don't have to come if you don't want too."  
  
Trouble boofed quietly on his leg, her ears drooped when she boofed sadly again as the last boulder was removed. Daylen looked back at him, trying his hardest not to cry as well when he waved them on.  
  
Alex sucked in a shuddering breath nodding his head, stepping past them all. He wanted to be the first one to see, he wanted to be the first one to cry with whats left.  
  
The dwarves at least dug around where Marethari and Merrill lain under the collapse, he didn't want either of them disturbed when he tread carefully through to the cavern beyond. He clamped his eyes shut stepping into it, fisting his hands by his side as he stood there and breathed out slowly opening them.  
  
One body laid in the center of the place, its head severed from its torso. Cassidy's great-sword was in the ground, standing upright. But his body wasn't there, just his empty clothing covered in blood. Deep cracks stretched out from where the great-sword was planted, going deep into the walls of the cavern like a spiders web.  
  
Tears rolled down his face sucking his bottom lip into his mouth as he slowly walked to the weapon, keeping an eye on the lifeless body of the hideously twisted thing of Carver laying there, incase it moved.  
  
The great-sword was battered, slowly rusting with the blood on its blade when he looked at it. Alex ran his fingers over the pommel, down the hilt, pulling it free from the ground so he could take it with him when they left. He looked over at the empty clothing, sobbing even harder at them. Perhaps, Cassidy returned to the fade, would become something else now? Alex didn't rightly know when he knelt, gently touching each piece as he shook with grief.  
  
"Cass," he choked out "I, I hope you didn't suffer. God I hope you didn't. I tried to come back, I tried to get back to you, but you blocked the way. I'll miss you," he choked again as more tears fell, "God will I miss you. We all will. I, I brought your horns to be with you, Cass, just, just so you'll never be apart from them again."  
  
Alex laid the sword down, shucking his pack from his shoulders, his vision blurred opening the straps gently pulling the wrapped horns from inside out. He placed them on-top of the clothes with shaking hands, then ran his gloved fingers over them, "I told you I would miss you if you died. I told you I would mourn your loss. Thank you, for being there with me, thank you for allowing me to love you the way I did. For allowing me to show you what I am, who I am, what I once was.  
  
You died for me when you should of lived longer, Cass. This," Alex bit his lip hard before continuing, wiping his face free from tears, "is my last farewell to you. I hope you found your way back into the fade, I hope you become reborn again in your home. Goodbye Cassidy."  
  
He slowly stood picking the sword and pack back up, then left the cavern. His heart was heavy with pain gripping the weapon tight in his grasp, it was heavy with pain and loss walking past Daylen and his two dogs to leave the place.

* * *

  
  
**Three Years.**  
  
It was on the third day of being there Alex tacked up the pictures of his old family on the split tree. He smiled at his brothers face, he smiled at his ma and da's faces too when he ran his fingers over their photos. He even tacked his own pictures of when he was a she beside them, because that life was long dead now. Today, marked his birthday, both his and Daylens as he stepped back looking at all it all.  
  
Daylen rested his head on Alex's shoulder looking at the pictures, then pointed to who he once was, "Who's that?"  
  
"Was me before I came here, Dayglo. Told you I used to be a she," he snorted, "Kinda not that person any more now, am I?"  
  
"No, your not," he kissed Alex's neck, wrapping his arms around his waist tighter, "I've been looking at the charts when you come here, looking at your own date you died, Alex. I think you should see this."  
  
Alex gave Daylen a weird look when the man let him go only to take his hand, tugging it towards the tent, "What the fuck you on about?"  
  
"You'll see."  
  
He wrinkled his nose up going into the tent, then got pushed on to his bedroll back first, Daylen standing there with a smirk on his face waving a hand to his books, "The fuck was that for?"  
  
"Take a look, Alex."  
  
So he did when he sat upright, Daylen sitting right behind him pointing to the charts to his books. Alex frowned looking at them all, looking at the dates, to the numbers, his face and eyes widen looking at it all. He lent forward running his fingers over his own journals, to the dates.  
  
"Holy fucking shit. This," he waved his hands over everything, "I died on the same fucking day Carver summoned Justice? Fucking hell. Why the hell did it take two months for me to be here then?"  
  
Daylen reached around him then pointed to the dates again, "Because I'm thinking, there was no differential in the time frame. Yes you died on the same day he did that, BUT, it was almost two months later you were found alive again. In reality, there was no time difference at all, it just seemed that way."  
  
"Xenon said the fucking mirror altered reality's for everyone around when they change their appearance, so everyone thinks thats who they used to be," Alex lent back against Daylen, "So Carver fractured that shit, fractured that reality and brought me here the exact same moment."  
  
"Exactly. You said parallel universe, did you not?"  
  
He nodded his head slowly looking at the man on his shoulder, "Yeah, I did. Because theres so much shit here thats almost the same where I'm from. But, we're more advanced then you, but yet..." Alex blinked a few times looking at the work his twin did, "theres magic and dragons here. Shit my da used to speak about like it was fact, even granda said the same things he did, but no-one believed them at all."  
  
"Which makes me think, Alex, that both our worlds are one in the same. Just different aspects of life that happened instead between the two."  
  
Alex looked up at the beam in the tent, thinking about absolutely everything thats the same but different: Templars, Andraste, Jeanne D'Arc, Tevinter, Rome, Greece, everything. His technology was far superior, but magic served a purpose that he still can't even fathom about. He's always believed in parallel universe's, but this was fucking mental. Da always said question everything and he hasn't done that here at all.  
  
"Every legend has a grain of truth," he whispered, "All of them. Here and back home."  
  
Daylen kissed his neck again, then nodded against it, "Somethings will get repeated, thats inevitable. Perhaps Earth is what Thedas could of been like without magic? I saw that, er, what did you call it again?"  
  
"Walkman, Dayglo. It doesn't work any more cos I have no batteries to put in it. Good God, da was right all along. All those fairy tales I used to read, all those stories he told me and Lee, may of been fact. I always knew dragons were real, but magic, I never believed him with that at all. Maybe, maybe the veil separated us after all," Alex swallowed slowly looking at Daylen.  
  
"Well," Daylen kissed his lips now then smiled softly pulling back, "your here now. I always wondered what it would of been like to be with someone like me, someone I could relate too. Your my shadows shadow, Alex, and I'm your reflection. Falon'Din and Dirthamen, twins reunited."  
  
Alex kissed him back before chuckling, "Yeah, but they were brothers, we're not," he turned around on the bedroll, capturing his twin between his legs, "And I'm not an elf, neither are you."  
  
"You sure about that?" Daylen pushed Alex back and straddled his thighs, planting both hands on either side of his head, "All you know you are, just, don't have the cute ears. Their pretty hairless too you know."  
  
His eyes widen, then narrowed, "I highly fucking doubt that shit. Theres only ever been one race on Earth that evolved fully, and that was humans from fucking monkeys. Thats what we're all lead to believe in school," he pulled Daylen down to his face, "Humans came here thousand's of years ago, right? What if they found their way here from where I'm from? They found their way here and fucking created the Imperium!"  
  
His twin furrowed his brow thinking, then lent his forehead against Alex's, "That's, a good point. It has been told that humans just appeared one day from Par Vollen, then spread out over the lands. Hmm," his twin smirked, "I'm glad we're not brothers, because what I want you to do to me, would be considered incestuous."  
  
"You really," Alex lent up and kissed his lips again, "want to loose your virginity," he kissed Daylens chin, "in a tent?" He kissed down his neck as he squeezed his twins arse tight, the mans hands going to his hair the more he kissed and licked back up to his mouth.  
  
Daylen moaned arching his back, pressing his hips harder in to Alex's burgeoning erection. He gripped his mans arse harder in his hands when he nipped gently at his Adams apple, grinding his own hips upward, feeling how hard Daylen was against him already. He slipped his hands under the soft waistband, slipping them over his backside grinding up harder into the man above him.  
  
Daylens eyes were clenched shut tightening his hold on Alex's hair, murmurs of 'please' and 'yes' came from his lips as he shuddered at the contact.  
  
He's only done this a couple of times with Cass when he rolled them both over, but fuck, did he want to do this with Daylen bad kissing the mans begging mouth even harder, slipping his own pants down his legs before kicking out of them. He knelt up taking the shirt over his head allowing Daylen to do the same to his clothes, before he tugged his pack over, pulling out the Elfroot potion unstopping the cork with his teeth.  
  
He pushed his twin back down then spread both their legs more with his knees, liberally coating his fingers then cock.  
  
"If I knew how to do magic," Alex dropped the bottle, the contents spilling everywhere as he lent on his arm over the man, running his fingers down his perineum, "this would be a lot easier. I'll take it slow, kay. I've not, well, done it this way much."  
  
"Okay... Oh Maker," Daylen shuddered again when his fingers brushed his hole.  
  
Alex slowly as he could, slipped his middle finger inside him, pressing gentle kisses against his twins cheeks the more he pushes in. Soft low moans come from Daylens mouth, arching his neck back while Alex worked him open making sure he doesn't hurt the man doing so. He slipped another finger gently in, his twin groaned clenching his teeth arching his head back more. Alex ran his tongue over the tattoos on his chin, tracing them down his throat scissoring his fingers in the warm hole.  
  
God, did Daylens skin taste good under his tongue, tracing the pattern further down to his chest, sweet and intoxicating.  
  
The smell of the other man, nipping gently at his skin, was not too dissimilar to his own. He was literally getting drunk off the smell and taste licking his way back up to that panting mouth. He's never felt anything like it the more he worked Daylen looser, he's never tasted anything like it either slipping his tongue into the panting mouth. He moaned as much as his twin rutting his cock against his thigh. Not like they never kissed before, but this...  
  
Alex opened his eyes slipping his fingers free, Daylen whined into the kiss at the loss opening his own eyes to look at him. He looked at the almost empty Elfroot potion on the floor, then grabbed it again when he lent up between Daylens legs, pouring the rest out on his cock, over Daylens down his crack. The bottle flew off into the tent somewhere when he growled behind his teeth, taking his twins thighs pushing them towards his chest.  
  
He lined himself up, then slowly as he could, pushed the head of his cock into the warmth that was Daylen.  
  
He moaned loud slowly sliding in, his twin fisted his hands behind his head arching his back up off the bedroll the more he slides in. Sweet fucking God, did this feel good when he slid back out again, gripping those thighs even tighter in his hands. He really has only done this a couple of times, but it never felt like this when he rolled his entire body into the other man.  
  
Alex arched his whole body backwards tilting his head to the mainbrace of the tent, his mouth parted as he lost himself into it all. The smell of Daylens arousal mingled with his own rolling his hips more into the warmth, his hands taking ankles instead spreading them more the deeper his rolls go. His body felt alive, felt white hot like a star as tiny beads of sweat rolled down his back and brow.  
  
"Alex," his twin panted, "Alex. Maker, Alex, please."  
  
He tilted his head down to look at him, Daylen had his eyes open watching his hands still fisted behind his head. Alex smiled letting his ankles go, then hooking one leg with his arm, he lent down to Daylen to kiss his begging mouth tucking his free arm under his head to grasp the raven black hair in his hand. Daylens hands immediately went to his back, digging his nails in deep when he moved into the man again. Alex groaned hard into the kiss the deeper the nails went, gripping the hair even tighter.  
  
He pushed his tongue further into that sweet intoxicating mouth, lengthening his hip rolls, Daylen dug his nails in even more wrapping his other leg around Alex's back. He was shaking under him, he was shaking arching his neck back from the kiss panting harshly between his teeth. Alex lent his forehead on Daylens shoulder as his balls slapped harder against his arse the more he fucked him, the longer this went on.  
  
God, he had no idea when he gently bit down on that sweet tasting flesh under his tongue, he had no idea when his mind started to blank getting tighter and tighter. Alex grit his teeth when he lent up on his hands looking into the face below him, watching the man come apart as much as he did at the same time. Oh God did they both come apart. Both of them yelled at the same time as they came. Those very same nails raked down his back, leaving drag marks while his own hands fisted the bed roll with his head thrown back.  
  
Alex slowly blinked his eyes open, his heart pounded hard in his chest laying on-top of Daylen. Sweat rolled down his face, both of their skins were slick with it when he slowly moved his head to one side, then kissed the pierced ear.  
  
"Makers breath. That was," Daylen slowly rolled his head over to him, both of their lips brushed each others, "I can't even describe it."  
  
Alex winced as he lent up on his arms over the mans face, kissing his nose now, "Beautiful? Stunning? Terrible? Never want to do that again you horrible, horrible man?"  
  
"The best thing I have ever done," Daylen smiled searching his eyes, "More then beautiful. More then stunning. I, I," he started to sniff as he smiled wide, "Maker I feel like crying."  
  
"Then cry if you want," Alex rested his forehead against the other mans, searching his eyes as well smiling softly, "Nothing wrong with happy tears."  
  
They spent the night until morning curled around each other, bodies held tight against warm skin under bedrolls, both the dogs asleep behind their heads. Alex no longer felt hurt or grief any more when he woke, he felt lifted from it when they kissed languidly in the early morning light.  
  
He felt satisfied and content when he looked into pale blue eyes looking into his pale green.  
  
Cassidy... was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter near end of 2017, the grief in this reflects my own. I lost my dad suddonly one day near end of April back in England, I live in the US. Even now, I still can't wrap my head around the fact he's gone. Never able to go back home to his funeral   
> because of many reasons. I miss my dad, simple as that.
> 
> I have been unable to grieve at all for anything, so instead, Alex does it for me.


	37. Ironic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy ask's Alex and Daylen for some advice. Another trip the Emporium for more talk. Then Daylen and Alex get cocked blocked by someone no-one expected at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Talk of abuse and cock blocked frottage.
> 
> Alanis Morissette - Ironic - https://youtu.be/Jne9t8sHpUc  
> TLC - Waterfalls - https://youtu.be/A_iTphwVNYs

**9:36 Dragon - Cloudreach.**  
  
Daylen snorted at Alex's face when he walked into the kitchen. The mans eyes narrowed at the huge bouquet of flowers on the island, the white and dark blue roses arranged in a very romantic wyvern shape.  
  
"What... the fuck is that?"  
  
Daylen smirked pointing at the note attached to it, "I suggest you read it before you throw it out the door."  
  
Alex gingerly took the note from the bouquet, taking the card from the envelope. His nose scrunched up slowly looking at him, dropping the card onto the island before he picked up the flowers, then walked out the kitchen with them. He heard the front door open and barked a laugh when it slammed shut with the man coming back into the kitchen, sitting heavily down on his usual stool.  
  
"Don't you DARE say a word, Dayglo," Alex pointed at his laughing face, "I can't believe he thinks hes courting me for fucks sake!"  
  
"I think its cute."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose back up again, pulling his Rivaini coffee over, "Cute my arse. Its fucking weird, thats what this is. Weird!"  
  
"Not a romantic bone in your body, Alex? I'm shocked," Daylen stuck his tongue out then snickered behind his own mug of coffee, "Even I didn't get a nice bouquet of flowers."  
  
"There outside the front door if you want them. Me," Alex shrugged pointing at Orana's snickering face, "I prefer the still beating hearts of my enemies, arranged in a nice decoration of a skull. Or maybe just a few hot muffins, thats good too."  
  
Orana threw her head back as she laughed hard in the kitchen, trying to mix the batter under her arm. The batter splattered on the floor, which the two dogs just licked clean. Daylen bit his lip as Alex smirked sitting back in the stool, then watched him flail his arms to keep his balance as it tipped back.  
  
He slammed his hands on the island when Alex fell backwards onto the floor laughing at him, "Serves you right you uncouth brute!"  
  
"Ahhh, shove a sock in it, Dayglo. Trouble, no, don't you dare... sit on me, ugh."  
  
Andy stopped halfway through the door, then shook his head stepping over Alex trying to get his dog off him, Sarge was sitting on his shoulder when he sat down, "Dad thinks I need to get laid."  
  
Daylens coffee went all over the counter when he coughed, even Alex sat bolt upright with Trouble still trying to sit on his head, "Makers bloody breath. Anders actually said that toyou?"  
  
"Yeah, he did. Said I should talk to you Alex about the White Swallow, whatever that is," Andy shrugged then blew a raspberry into his own coffee, "Bleeding heck, I know I bloody flirt like shit, but..."  
  
"But what? Not interested in any of that at all?"  
  
Andy wrinkled his nose up again shaking his head, "Maybe, Daylen, just... what the bloody void does dad expect me to do? Go jump into bed with a whore? The Knight-Captain? Bollocks, thats what this is, a whole load of bollocks."  
  
Alex put his stool to rights then sat on it, raising an eyebrow at him, "Men or women, Andy? Human, dwarven, elven? Or," Alex sighed looking into his mug, "spirit?"  
  
"I don't bleeding know do I! I flirt, but don't mean shit really. Everyones cute looking to me," Andy slumped his shoulders looking at them both, "but I just, I'm not into the whole 'Lets go fuck everyone,' shit."  
  
"I would of said try Izzy, but she's exclusive with Brennan now," Alex tilted his head, "and she's not into men at all any more. Guess I could take you to the White Swallow, Andy. But dunno what the fuck your going to do in there if you have no clue about what you want, mate."  
  
Daylen thrummed his fingers against his mug looking at Alex, then back at Andy, "Do you even want sex at all?"  
  
"I suppose," Andy shrugged, "I've kissed before, you know. Just, fuck, didn't do anything for me on either times. And before you sodding ask, it was one of each sex, okay. Just," he shrugged again, "I dunno. Maybe I'm broken or some shit."  
  
Daylen watched out the corner of his eye Alex lower his head, gripping his mug tight in his hands. He frowned a little when his twin bit his lip before wiping his eyes to speak.  
  
"Your not broken, Andy. I was broken once, my mind, my body, my everything, but your not. Trust me on that. Your da just wants whats best for you, go tell him your not even ready for any of that yet. Only you can choose what you are, who you want to be, when you want to do it."  
  
"You know," Andy chuckled, "back in the tower if you actually did take me up on my offer, I would of squealed like a girl and hid. I, I'll go talk to fucking dad. No breakfast for me Orana, I'll get something in Lowtown."  
  
The mage smiled sadly at Alex before he left, putting Sarge in his lap. Daylen frowned even more at Alex's face when he picked the cat up, burying his face in grey fur, then sighed to go sit next to his twin.  
  
"Alex, whats going on?"  
  
Sarge mewed being lowered from his face, "Just memories. Just remembering the first few months of me being here, I said I was broken to Justice, he said I wasn't at all. I was for a long while, I just couldn't understand why I was here, what was happening, nothing. I really did think I was broken, but I'm not any more."  
  
Daylen cupped Alex's face with one hand, resting their foreheads together, "Trust me, I felt the same way during the Blight. Forced from everything I knew to face monsters in the dark? I was so scared the first time I fought Darkspawn, you have no idea. I felt like a small piece of me was stripped away each time I fought something, felt like I was breaking in half. Being made to do something, being forced into a position of leadership when I had no idea what I was doing? I understand."  
  
"No more sad talk," Alex kissed his lips then smiled cupping his face too, "Wanna come with me back to the Black Emporium? Xenon asked me for a favour."  
  
"Is it anything to do with that mirror again?"  
  
Alex nodded kissing his lips again, "That and something else. The bloody mummy said something came in he thinks I should see."  


* * *

  
  
Snowy deadpanned looking at him, "Venhedis, are you serious?"  
  
"Yeah I bloody am. A huge floral bouquet sat right there," Alex wrinkled his nose up rolling his eyes, "I tossed them out the door."  
  
His friend rolled his own eyes walking with them both through Midlevel, "Duke Prosper will not take no for an answer then. Does this mean we're going to Chateau Haine?"  
  
"No we're bloody not! Ugh."  
  
"The Duke just has a small thing for Alex," Daylen snorted pushing on his back down the steps, "Oh Champion, how your eyes sparkled in the candle light during dinner. How your smile brightened my night. Mon ami, come to my home!"  
  
Alex growled under his breath at them both as they laughed. Varric's bright idea he takes the Duke up on his invitation to the dinner, and now he's paying for it because the fucking Duke fancied the damn pants off him. HIM, not Daylen, HIM! He flung his hands up in the air over the whole thing. He and Daylen were fucking identical, but nooooo, the fucking Duke had his eyes set on him.  
  
"Alex, perhaps you should go. I'll rip the heart from his chest if he tries to, woo, you again."  
  
He stopped right outside the Emporium's door, looking over his shoulder at the chuckling pair, "I hate you both so much right now. I was gonna compliment you on the new hair cut, Snowy," Alex sniffed pushing the door open, "but I won't now."  
  
"Now thats just unfair!" Snowy whined leaning on his arm, and of course he does his puppy eyes at him batting his eyelashes, "Fasta Vass, you hurt my feelings."  
  
Alex kissed the short white hair, then tugged on the single silver hoop in the top of his ear, "Then stop being mean to me. We're not going, end of story. I'd rather go back to Ferelden or even with Seb to Starkhaven to get his throne back, then go to some bloody fucking Orlesian toff's fancy home."  
  
"Good! Because I didn't want to go anyway."  
  
Alex tugged the earring even more, Snowy thinned his mouth slapping his hand away. Daylen wrapped his arms around them both when Xenon started hacking up his innards, urging them to see what the bloody thing wanted.  
  
"Alexandria! Glad you arrived," Thaddeus rolled his eyes walking past them all to the door, "The mirror, I wish for you to dismantle it without breaking anything more."  
  
He heaved a long loud sigh shaking his head, "It's Alex you bloody boney mage! Alexandria is not who I am any more, for fucks sake. And whats the other thing?"  
  
"I will call you what I wish," the mummy laughed, "Several boxes arrived from where you were from. GO SEE THEM!"  
  
Alex looked at the other two then back at Xenon, "But, that lot was destroyed by Aveline, wasn't it? I thought she dealt with all that shit."  
  
"She did, but not all," Xenon laughed again, "Near The Box of Screaming."  
  
_Wonderful_ , Alex thought walking through the multitude of everything scattered around. Somehow, somewhere, bloody Xenon of all the people, had managed to get his grubby mummy hands on shit Alex thought he left well enough alone. Daylen hooked his arm around his waist pulling him close to his warmth. Ugh, Alex rested his head on his shoulder, why was he not surprised in the least.  
  
Snowy rolled his eyes again looking at him, stepping over a stack of books, "This place never gets any better the more we come in here."  
  
"I actually find this place incredible. All these artifacts, all these weapons, everything, is just amazing to see. And feel," Daylen grinned admiring a set of golden armour, "Not one thing here, besides the mirror, feels out of place. Like at all belongs."  
  
"Feels like a light about to pop," Alex shrugged, "That same buzzy, weird light flickering in your eyes shit." Both of them were giving him a weird look, he shrugged again, "My world shit. Trust me, its the same feeling."  
  
He narrowed his eyes at the boxes beyond the Screaming Box, looking over the blood stained writing. He still couldn't make head nor tail what the fucking thing said. Music something or other. Blood stains. Shit, Alex lowered his head stepping around the Sock Bin, all that blood was his and the Lorry drivers he supposes looking them over again. He took one of his daggers from his thigh, tentatively poked the box with it incase something jumped out.  
  
Nothing happened when he toed it instead.  
  
He gave up running the blade along the tape the still held it closed, then pushed one of the flaps open with the tip. Alex frowned pushing the other side open, pulling the other flaps back, bubble wrap and peanuts almost spilled out from within.  
  
"What in the Makers name is this?"  
  
Daylen picked up a peanut looking it over then stood on the bubble wrap. He must of jumped five feet in the air away from it when Alex stood on more, watching both their faces when he started to jump on it.  
  
"Thats a packing peanut, don't eat it. And thats bubblewrap. Fuck," he stood on more feeling far too nostalgic hearing the pop, "I love that sound."  
  
"Venhedis, enough Alex. Whats in the box?"  
  
Alex shook his head looking back at the thing, tilting his head when he stuck his hand inside. It touched something hard, odd shaped, coated in plastic, and slowly pulled it out. His mouth dropped at the batteries in his hand, looking back at them with a huge grin on his face waving it before shoving that in his pocket.  
  
He pulled everything out the box, more batteries were nestled inside. He just could not contain his girly giggling, practically diving head first into the thing to hug them all to his chest.  
  
"I, take it thats something you really wanted?"  
  
"Damn fucking right, Dayglo. Its batteries, all of them," he grinned even more coming out from the box, then frowned at the peanut stuck on his nose, "I HATE static cling. Ugh, anyway, I can listen to my music again! They must of put them in the wrong box or some shit."  
  
Snowy flicked the peanut away looking at the other box, "I still do not understand how any of this, even you, were summoned here by accident. Shouldn't it of been only you? Not all that?"  
  
"Alex was technically killed at the same moment Carver summoned Justice, Fenris. I suppose whatever he was in contact with would of been brought through as well? I have been meaning to ask, and you never wrote it down," Daylen took a pack of batteries from his hand looking them over, "Did you see anything before you died? I know you wrote you were arguing with your then ex-husband, but what else happened?"  
  
Alex lent his hip on a table looking at the second box, "Not that I remember. Would of written it down if there was. Just squealing tires barreling down a hill over black ice, the driver pumping the breaks to stop. Didn't even see or fucking hear it till it was on-top of me it happened that fast. I still have no idea what happened with Dallin either, considering he was literally right next to me."  
  
"What were you two arguing about?"  
  
Alex quirked his eyebrow at Snowy, "Him being an idiot, trying to devote his life in saving shit that was buried a LONG time ago. That was his life, trying to bring back his Demetae past. I was gonna hand the divorce papers back to him all signed and sealed, then I died."  
  
"Demetae? Whats that?" Daylen lent on the opposite table.  
  
"Eh, ancient Welsh peoples in the Dales in Wales. He was Welsh himself, along with da and granda. Mum was born and bred British along with me and Lee," Alex blinked a few times going slack jawed pushing away from the table, "Holy mother fucking shit. The Dales, were invaded by the Roman Empire, the whole of England were invaded by them. But-"  
  
Snowy cocked his head at him, "Make some sense, Alex. What does any of that have to do with- Wait, the Dales? As in-" his own eyes go wide stepping back a few paces, "You do not think its all connected do you?"  
  
"I don't fucking know. But sounds too much like a coincident," he bit his lip thinking, then shook his head, "I think Dayglo's theory is right though, that both are worlds are one in the same, but something must of happened to divide it all. Because there is no way in hell similar things should of happened between them both."  
  
Daylen nodded his head, "I still think its something to do with you not having magic. You don't dream like we do, but yet you feel blood magic, you feel demons were so many people here don't. Thedas would be a very different place without any kind of magic at all, no spirits, no demons, nothing. There would be no elves, no dwarves, Qunari, nothing but-"  
  
"-Humans. Maybe Earth was a mistake, something that went wrong, then got forgotten over time until some found their way to here some how," Alex started to wave his arms about as he paced, "So many different cultures vanished into thin air. So many cities were left empty and forgotten until people like my da and granda dug them back up. Pyramids, ancient wonders left to crumble or lost to the tides of time."  
  
Snowy pinned his arms to his side when he poked the air in anger, "Fasta Vass, calm down, Alex. Whats done is done and gone. I would say I'd be happy to venture to a place without magic and demons, but it sounds... empty to me."  
  
"Yeah tell me about it. I think I prefer it here then there," he snorted, "Even with all the shit thats happened. Ugh, let me get these batteries packed, then we can dismantle that fucking mirror and never have to fucking think about all that shit again."  
  
The other two smirked, agreeing at the same time.

* * *

  
  
"God," Alex sighed slipping his headphones on, laying flat out on his bed grinning listening to TLC's 'Waterfalls', "I've missed this."  
  
Daylen laid next to him, trying to listen to the music as well. His arms were wrapped around his waist as usual, his head resting on his shoulder smiling wide when Alex looked at him.  
  
"I've never heard anything like it before. Maker, the singing, the drums, everything sounds amazing," Daylen took the headphones from him, slipping them over his ears. Alex watched his eyes widen listening to it all, his toe tapping under the covers as another song played. He watched the mans eyes close grinning, his head slowly nodding on the pillow.  
  
Alex, of course, took this opportunity to slide down the bed a little, slide under the covers to the mans nakedness under it, smirking when he licked the join between Daylens legs. The man squealed kicking the covers off to look at him grinning on his thigh.  
  
"ALEX!" Daylen wrinkled his nose up flinging everything practically off the bed when he does it again. The headphones and Walkman slide off the side, the music still plays out when his hands are taken, trying to get him to roll on his back, "You could of warned me!"  
  
"Whats the fucking point of that? Its not called being spontaneous for nothing, Day," Alex grinned even more wrestling Daylen, both of them trying to be dominate with the other, "Ahh, no fucking MAGIC! DAY, NO!"  
  
Of course the man uses his fucking magic, of course he does when he's pinned on his back with his hands on either side of his head. His twin straddled his thighs, then groans when he feels Alex getting harder.  
  
"Makers breath, you really are horny."  
  
"So are you," he grinds his hips up, licking his lips doing it again, "Don't fucking deny it."  
  
"Never," Daylen shakes his head, brushing his lips against Alex's, "never," he says again gasping when Alex nips at his chin grinding up more, "never, never, nev-mmmmm."  
  
They both kiss each other hard, Daylen finally releases the subtle hold of magic on him, his hands immediately go to his twins arse, squeezing it tight the more they both rocked their hips together. Their cocks were tight between them, their tongues and breathing getting more and more intense against each other, until Alex rolled them both over.  
  
Daylens nails rake down his back, his own hands gripping raven black hair the more they frot. He nipped at the skin under his tongue, nipped and licked it to the pierced ear before he tugged hard on it, growling slightly under his breath.  
  
Hot heavy breath made his skin gooseflesh down his arms and back, Daylen panting yes, over and over again in his ear. He growled again through his teeth, grasping the the hair between one hand more, sliding the other under the pillow to the Elfroot under it.  
  
"Serah, theres-" both of them groan out loud at Orana's voice on the other side of the door, knocking on it frantically, "theres, someone here to see you."  
  
"Tell 'em to come back tomorrow," Alex rested his head on his twins shoulders, trying his hardest not to get pissed off.  
  
"Serah, she, she needs to see you now. Its urgent!"  
  
Both of them look at each other, Daylen asked, "She who? Not Meredith is it?"  
  
"No, Serah. Its, its someone else. Maker, please just come quick," they heard her run off, both of them frowning at each other again.  
  
"Who the fucks coming around this time of night? God fucking dammit, just when-" Alex grumbled getting out of bed, kicking the sheet out the way, "Ugh," he looked over his shoulder at his twin chuckling at him, "I'm so not done with you."  
  
Daylen stuck his tongue out at him, tucking himself away in leathers, "Are for tonight it seems, sweetheart."  
  
"Dayglo- you know what, I'll fucking wank off in the bathroom," Alex grumbled roughing pulling his shirt over his head, "after whoever the fuck this is, coming around right when- RUDE! Thats what this is, rude!"  
  
He flung the door open with a little bit too much flare, his dogs both lifted their heads up at him from the pillows on the balcony when he walked past them. He rolled his eyes at them both, motioning with his head to follow him down the stairs. Alex frowned at the black haired woman standing there looking up at Cass's battered sword, his Dalish daggers with a three legged mabari right by her side.  
  
"Can I fucking help you, Serah?" he folded his arms across his chest, not best pleased, "You do know its fucking eleven at night, right? Probably woke everyone else up in the-"  
  
His eyes widen when the woman turned around, his arms fell on either side of him looking at the one pale blue eye, huge scars ran down from her forehead to her lips under her eyepatched left eye.  
  
"Sorry, but I had no choice but to come. I thought my arsehole of a family was still here, but found out they weren't alive any more," the woman dipped her head, "Guess I have you to thank for all that."  
  
Daylen stood next to him now, his dogs where whining looking at her, "Your family? Who are you?"  
  
"Maker," the woman smiled shaking her head, "Sorry, I'm Bethany Hawke. You killed my brothers right? You have NO idea what that means to me at all."  
  
Alex's jaw fell onto the ground, looking her over again, "You, your their fucking sister? But-" he stepped back a few paces away from her, "but they both said you died during the blight!"  
  
Bethany wrinkled her nose up, even her dog growled low in its throat flattening its ears, "Is THAT what they told you? Is that what my mother fucking spouted at you?" she spat waving her arms about, "They left me there to rot. They all left me there for dead when the Ogre attacked me. But I'm not am I, and neither is Dingles."  
  
"How in the Makers name did you survive, Bethany? Sorry, you have to understand, Alex hasn't had a good time with your brothers at all," Daylen wrapped his arm around him, "Neither have I really with Carver, none of us have. I'm Daylen Amell, guess I'm your cousin in some way."  
  
"AMELL! Your, your an Amell! Maker," Bethany stepped back herself, "I hope your nothing like my abusive brothers at all."  
  
Alex felt a small smile go up his face at her, "He's not, trust me on that. He's the Hero of Ferelden, Beth."  
  
"YOUR THE- holy fucking shit! Well, this makes everything easier then," Bethany grins putting her hand out, "Going to need a Grey Warden for a problem that came up trying to kill me... again."  


* * *

  
  
Everyone in the mansion sat around the island looking at Bethany, everyone was really wary of the woman sitting there with them for breakfast. Alex waved his hand at them all to quieten down when questions started being asked over the top of each other.  
  
"Alright, alright. Fucks sake, let her speak before you all go off on one," he rolled his eyes.  
  
"If she's anything like them, Menace," Varric shifted uncomfortably in his seat next to him, "Maferaths nutsack, don't think I deal with that right now."  
  
Bethany shook her head leaning forward to them all, more scars ran down her left arm when she shucked out of her coat, "Maker, no. They were arseholes, the whole lot of them. Dad tried to get me away from them all, but he some how wound up dying? I think one of them killed him, wouldn't be surprised at all. I think one of them killed Faulkner too."  
  
"Maurevar did, Beth. He killed Faulkner for Necromancy," Alex sighed through his nose, "Yet more fucking lies from them both. Fuck, thought I buried all that shit."  
  
"So did I for a while, until a whole load of dwarves found me here in the Free Marches, calling for my blood. I thought one of them pissed the whole Carta off," she shook her head sitting back, "turns out, they were all tainted with the blight. Why I came here to see what the fuck was going on."  
  
Daylen and Anders frowned looking at each other, "The blight? Were they ghouls?" the both said at the same time.  
  
"I have no idea. But they wanted Hawke blood for some reason, why I thought the twins pissed the Carta off somehow. Another reason why I came here, to find a stray Grey Warden," she smirks looking at Anders, "Only to find your living here in mothers old home already. And my bloody cousin of all people is the Hero of Ferelden too. Maker, I'm thrilled skinny here!"  
  
"How'd you survive, sweetthing? How in the bloody fucking void did you survive being eaten by an Ogre? And your three legged cute looking puppy, oh yes you are," Izzy cooed ruffling the mabari's ears.  
  
Bethany sighed running a hand through her short hair, "I just did. The bloody thing threw me like a hundred feet away when it picked me up, not before it tried to take my fucking head off with its other hand. I hit a cliff face pretty hard, must of passed out. When I woke up, Dingles was licking my face with only three legs covered in as much blood as I was. And everyone else had gone. Even Aveline had gone. Her dead poxy Templar husband was right next to me with a dagger in his heart."  
  
"Aveline's a Grey Warden now, Beth. Fucking hell, talk about strong willed," Alex grinned leaning forward now, "And your not tainted either?"  
  
"Fuck no, only blood on me was my own. Dingles being a mabari can survive Darkspawn blood to a degree. Like your two. Maker, their so cute, Alex. Look like a matching set of you two," she grinned waving hand and at him and Daylen, "Fuck, you two are cute too. But anyway," her nose wrinkled up poking the wood on the island, "I fled north to Ostwick with a whole load of other people. I have no healing abilities, just potions in my back pack that was still laying next to me. Healed myself up best I could along the way, went to Ostwick, then up to Wycome where I lived for the past few years."  
  
Alex felt a small amount of kinship with woman and a HUGE amount of respect for her when he smiled, "Beth, whatever you need, you have it."  
  
"I second that," Snowy nodded his head. Thirds and Fourths were muttered around the island.  
  
"I think we can all agree here, that we can help you out with whatever you want. Besides," Varric nodded his head spreading his arms wide, "someone who can survive the Hawke brothers AND an Ogre, deserves it. Whadya say, Sunny?"  
  
Bethany threw her head back and laughed hard, "Sunny? I'm more like an angry black cloud full of shit! Call me Stormy, I kinda like that better then Sunny."  
  
"Heh, I'm going to like you, Beth. Don't make me like you, be a terrible terrible thing," Alex smirked wrapping his arm around Daylen, "You know where these Carta bastards are?"  
  
"Yeah, the Vimmark's somewhere. Dunno where though when they came screaming at me like maniac's in Wycome. Broke into my fucking house too."  
  
Varric nudged him, "I'll go ask the Guild in the afternoon about all this, Menace. If they went for Stormy, they might come here as well."  
  
"As if they'd stand a chance with all of us," Anders snorted, "Wouldn't last two minutes in through the door with Alex, if they even got past him that is."

* * *

  
**9:36 Dragon - Bloomingtide.**  
  
To say Beth was different from her brothers was an understatement. She was nothing like them at all, well, except for the mouth on her and eye colour. She settled into the odd ball family with ease, even her dog liked his. They played, yipped, boofed, ran around each other like puppies, it was hilarious.  
  
But Beth, fuck, was she opinionated when it came to her brothers, her mother, Templars and fucking everything else in between. She hated Templars with a passion for what they almost did to her when she was little, hey look, that one wasn't a lie. She also hated blood magic, so she was more then thankful that both her brothers were dead.  
  
Andy took a massive shine to her, like, disgustingly so when he started preening before coming down to breakfast. Alex rolled his eyes when he grinned like a loon at her from the opposite side of the library, with Beth telling him more about her family.  
  
"They were all pigs, the whole lot of them. I never minded Carvers attraction to men at all, but Mauri and mother on the other hand," she sat back in the comfy chair, "Maker, they tried to change him, tried to force him to change by letting Peaches rape him for fucks sake."  
  
"So that wasn't a lie either then. Fuck."  
  
Beth shook her head flipping through one of Carvers old journals when she picked it up from her lap, "No. Mother really did force her on him. It was disgusting. Was it any wonder he started to grow more angry, get the way he did because of them two. I'm just sorry that they both hurt you, hurt everyone around them for that shit. I wish I was here to stop all that, Alex, I really do. But I was just fifteen they left me to die. I don't think I would of been able to do much, other then get the Templars to haul us all away."  
  
"Shit, that would make you twenty-one now? Fucking hell, Beth," Alex furrowed his brow, then sigh flapping his arm at Andy to sit, "Twinkles, your pissing me off hovering."  
  
Andy stuck his tongue out at him flopping down in the chair, then started twirling his hair around his finger eyeing Beth again, "So, you like tall blond mages perchance?"  
  
"Oh for fucks sake," Alex heaved a loud sigh, "Stop flirting and just say what you bloody mean."  
  
"I just did!"  
  
Beth just giggled behind her hand giving Andy a wink, "Maybe. But shush, we can talk later," she winked again turning back to him, "Yeah, I am Twenty-one. Shit, you know how hard it was for a little girl to live on her own with everyone trying to be all, creepy with you? Dingles was the one to protect me from them all, thank the Maker. If I didn't have him, I would of been in serious trouble."  
  
"Yeah, I get that I really do. Shame I didn't know about you sooner, Beth. Would of gone to bring you here. I only met your mother once, and that was enough," Alex shuddered in his chair, "She, well, she wasn't exactly alive then when I did."  
  
She shuddered too, slamming the journal shut, "Dad was a blood mage, but nothing like them two. Nothing like any other I've ever come across. He was a bloody good man who tried to keep me away from all that. Which I have. I'm not a very good mage anyway, why I use a bow instead."  
  
"Kinda hot if you tell me."  
  
"ANDY! Fucks sake, get out or shut the fuck up," Alex pointed to the door, "You flirt on your own fucking time, not right now."  
  
"OI! Thats unfair," the blond mage pouted slumping down in his chair, "I'll be quiet."  
  
He shook his head, quirking his eyebrow at Beth, "So, your dad WAS a blood mage. Did he deal with twisted, anything like that?"  
  
"Eww, Maker no. He was a blood healer, he hated doing the opposite of what its supposed to be. Even had a spirit guide to keep him on track, you know. He said if I ever went down that path, it would be on my fucking head," she shrugged, "I wouldn't anyway. I honestly don't give a balls about using my magic, its there when I need it."  
  
"I can show you a neat electricity trick if you want."  
  
Alex got up out of his chair, leaving them to it when he left the library when they both started giggling. He smirked going up the stairs, he already knows about that little thing from Izzy, when she told him Anders did that to her when they fucked years ago.  
  
Like father, like son.


	38. Slither.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Varric, and Daylen go deal with Beth's death threats from the Carta. Shit goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Flashbacks, hints of abusive relationship, past deaths, self mutilation.

**9:36 Dragon - Justinian.**  
  
Alex glared at the dead Merchant Guild dwarves, the dead brontos, the scattered weapons all around them. Then kicked stones out the way when he started to curse wildly.  
  
"Maferaths nutsack, Carta never go up against the Guild at all. The fucks going on here?"  
  
Alex whirled around pointing his finger at his friend, "Same fucking shit that happened in the mansion. Same fucking bullshit. Beth, you fucking sure have have no idea?"  
  
The woman shrugged kicking the scattered weapons about as much as he was. God fucking dammit, something was going on, something involving the fucking Hawkes. Why was he not surprised at all, every fucking thing came back to them. Everything.  
  
Daylen wrinkled his nose up looking over the dust filled valley, "I do sense blighted nearby. Not Darkspawn, the same tainted feeling as those dwarves. Maker, what in the void did they get themselves mixed up with?"  
  
"Hawkes, thats what," Alex spat pulling his daggers free, "No offence Beth, but seriously, everything comes down to your fucking family. We're gonna sort this shit out once and for all."  
  
All four of them set off again, keeping an eye and ear out for more of these bastard arseholes wanting to kill them all. Mother fucking shit, bad enough they broke into the mansion last week, trying to drag Beth out of it by her fucking hair. He killed them all, minding he didn't get a drop of their blood on him.  
  
He didn't want to become some walking nightmare as it was.  
  
Ugh, Alex kicked another stone out the way, if it wasn't one thing, it was something else in this fucking place. To say he wasn't in a good mood was putting it politely.  
  
"She's come. The blood of Hawke has finally come," a dirty sounding voice echoed out around them, "Master will be pleased."  
  
"Master?" Varric raised an eyebrow, "What Master? Maker, not Tevinter is it. Please tell me we're not dealing with Tevinter shit."  
  
Alex ground his teeth even more as several tainted dwarves come running up to them, weaponless, "Glad Snowy's not here if it is. WHO, the fuck are you people, what the fuck you want with Beth?"  
  
"The daughter Hawke has finally come. Only one, only one, daughter Hawke has finally come."  
  
Well, this was brilliant, these idiot's were stark raving mad, "Did father anger the Carta some how? Or my brothers for that matter?" Beth stepped in-front of him, "Why do you want my blood?"  
  
"Master will be free," the dwarf dipped his head as he smirked, then, of course they did, they all tried to attack them all with no weapons.  
  
Alex slipped into the shadows, bolts flew past him before Varric smoke bombed into his own. He drove his daggers in deep to the first dwarf, so deep they came out through the other side of the mans chest before Alex kicked him away. One took a swing at him, but the idiot couldn't find where he was when he danced around the flailing fists. Beth knelt down with one knee, sending a flame infused arrow at the flailing fists dwarf, setting him on fire.  
  
Alex barked a laugh, watching the man try and pat it out, before he sliced through his neck practically severing his head from his neck. Daylen charged full bore at more coming up from steps beyond. His magic sparked off him when he swung out with his sword, sending a huge amount of spiritual energy into those surrounding him. Alex liked watching his twin do that shit, was fucking awesome in his opinion when the man did it again.

_Ugh, not now, boner later, not right now you insufferable fucking horny cock._  
  
He wrinkled his nose up gripping his daggers even more, slipping back into the shadows. He jumped forward with his daggers held even more tightly, darting behind each and every single one of these bastards before they even knew what happened. Blood poured from their lips when he stood by Daylen, the man just blinked manically at him when the dwarves just dropped dead on the ground with slit necks.  
  
"Remind me to never piss you off, Alex. No wonder Nate didn't want to fight you," his twin then smirked re-sheathing his weapons.  
  
He nudged Daylens shoulder, motioning with his head towards a hug set of gates, "Whadya bet, this goes underground. Bet you a hundred it does."  
  
"Your on Menace."  
  
"Deep Roads? That, might actually explain," Daylen helped him push the huge gates open, "the blight I'm feeling."  
  
He was right when the gates swung open, they opened up to tunnels beyond. Dark fucking tunnels he really didn't want to go down as he stood there. Something wasn't right when his twin summoned several wisps for them, something didn't feel right at all when he stepped forward first. The smell in the tunnel made his nose want to clamp shut tight, made his stomach roll around like it did years ago.  
  
Smelt old and dank, but yet, it smelt like fresh meat? God, what the fuck!  
  
"Holy shit," Varric gagged as much as he was looking at the meat covered walls, "the Makers arse is this crap?"  
  
"Welcome to the blight. I haven't seen this since Amaranthine."  
  
Alex gave Daylen an incredulous look, "The hell! This shits the-" he bit his lip hard backing away from the wall, pulling Varric away from them too when he went to prod it with Bianca, "Please tell me they don't eat this shit?"  
  
"Darkspawn don't eat. The taint keeps them alive. This stuff just grows where the taint is," Daylen shook his head walking past them all to a set of steps, "usually where a Broodmother is too. But I don't feel one. I feel... something though."  
  
"Great, this is just, so fucking great," Alex sighed out.  
  
God fucking dammit to hell and back, they needed to set up camp somewhere in this pile of shit. This place didn't get any better the further they walked, infact, it seemed to get worse. It all did when he saw his first Darkspawn laying dead on the ground. It looked human, but yet, looked like a twisted version of one. Daylen tugged on his arm to move away from the body, pointing to were black blood oozed out from wounds in it. The dwarves must of done this, when more were lining the way down more steps.  
  
Bite marks denoting something, or someone, took huge bites out from most of them. This was disgusting. God, was he ever glad he was never brought here during the blight, he didn't think he could deal with them all being alive, let alone with them being dead around them. The smell didn't help either.  
  
But, something was definitely going on here. Whatever it is, fuck, they'll find out soon enough.

* * *

  
  
Sleep was in shifts as usual, but with just the four of them here, was going to be hard going as Alex sat on a nearby fallen wall. They had managed to find somewhere not coated in meat and black blood, still didn't ease his mind one bit when he looked at one of the journals from Marethari. He wanted to read them down here, but fuck, all this darkness around him was making it hard to even sit here.  
  
He flipped through the first few pages, past the personal notes about the clan, about Merrill before they came to the Free Marches. Alex squinted his eyes to the entries about him, about Carver. She fucking knew what the man was planning to do when they went into the fade. Why she brought Justice along to banish him to there. _'Didn't work now did it, Keeper,'_ he thought looking through more entries.  
  
_'Ir abelas. I tried everything but it didn't work. I banished the so called spirit into the Beyond, but it was his plan all along. Hawke re-entered the Beyond with Merrill's help through blood magic, making a pact between them both. Mythal protect me, I tried to stop them both for his sake, but it didn't work.'_  
  
Alex ground his teeth again, she tried to protect him. He looked over the rest of the entries.  
  
_'Merrill came back with Alex yesterday. She was rude as usual to me, to my new Second. Alex never got to see as he was with the Halla. She threatened me with my life if I didn't hand the mirror pieces over. Ir abelas Alex, I had no choice but to give them to her. The twisted she was in contact with came through: Audacity. Fitting really, for thats whats she was, always was for trying to bring back the past that should of remained there._  
  
_I hope you don't blame me for her misguided actions, Alex. I know you would try and stop her, but she is just a child. My da'len. She is like my own child, I tried to protect her from herself, but she did it anyway to find them. I told her many times both Tamlen and Lyna were dead, but she didn't listen. Even when I showed her the bodies in the Brecilian, our home.'_  
  
Fucking hell. He wanted to throw the book away but kept reading when he sat on his bedroll now.  
  
_'I found Hawke, as twisted as he was with the 'Thing' inside him. I went against everything that I was, and bound them by blood so they would follow me to the cave. We heard through friends that Hawke rampaged in Kirkwall, killed many people for his lunacy. Mother of all, he is a hideous thing now, twisted beyond repair. But I bound him to the same cave where Merrill had found Audacity._  
  
_But yet, I still lie to Alex, telling him I didn't know where he was. That everything is alright with the clan. It is not. Forgive me, it is not. It's falling apart slowly with the beast on the mountain. With Audacity influencing Merrill. We know she will return to kill us all. We know she will want to free Hawke to punish us, to punish Alex because she loves him. And he doesn't even see it. He's not interested.'_  
  
Yeah, he kinda knew that about Merrill from her own journals full of hate. But the rest though, he had no idea about and he never saw it. God, he never saw it.  
  
_'I saw his reflection today. They look alike but yet not at all. It is like Dirthamen and Falon'Din all over again, but yet not. But there was another I caught a glimpse of in dreams, one who needs help, but I don't know where he is. They hurt him constantly, they abuse him because they can. He, Mythal, he looks like another. But not from the Beyond at all. Perhaps the other saw him once? I don't know._  
  
_I wish I could guide Alex to him, but I don't know where he is right now. Eventually I hope they find each other as should be. He will be needed. They both will be. The reflection is just that. Da'len, you were not a mistake, it was meant to be this way. You were meant to be here to carry on, to help, to be needed. To be hurt. But be warned: Be wary of those of blue. Of those who are red.'_  
  
He frowned at that. So he wasn't some thousand year old elf, he knew that, was madness both Dayglo and Cass even thought that. Alex sighed clamping his eyes shut thinking about Cassidy, he thought he put all that to rest, his damp eyes told another story when he wiped them.  
  
_'It, it is our last days, da'len. Forgive, me for lying to you. I, I tried to keep Merrill away from him. I tried with everything that I was. But, but now is our end as I knew it would be. Hawke grows restless with each passing moment, and, and she knows it. I wanted to protect you, keep you from harm because you are needed when the time comes. Everything, all, will all fall apart, Alex. It all will._  
  
_Don't blame yourself when it does. It is inevitable, da'len. But you must kill Merrill, you must kill Hawke to move on, so he can move on to be born again. But, that is not what I am, what I am talking about. You will know when it happens, da'len, it will hurt, you will wonder why you didn't see it coming. I, I, don't have much time. Ir abelas, Alex, everything comes to an end, don't, don't wonder why when it does._  
  
_Falon'Din guide me unto Uthenera. Guide me along the path of the Beyond and forgive me for lying to Alex. Mythal watch over him when the time comes, please, mother and protector of all. He will be needed, they both will be when the world crumbles. Ma serannas, for allowing me to see with open eyes. Alex, he, he will need you-'_  
  
That was it, that was her last words in her journal to him. Alex closed the book and held it close to his chest, wondering what the actual fuck she meant by any of that. Did she mean Cass? Daylen? God, now he wished she wasn't dead so he could ask her what any of it meant.  
  
No, when he looked again at the book, she must mean someone else. But who? Fucking hell, this was a mess.  
  
"Alex," he jumped at Beth's voice next to him, "Do you ever get the feeling somethings not right? I bloody do."  
  
She sat down next to him, her hand running through her short hair, "I have a feeling dad did something he wasn't supposed to. Something I have to finish, you know. I think thats what all this is about."  
  
"Maybe. They want your fucking blood for something. Highly doubt its for a tea party, Beth," he knocked her shoulder, "Whatever it is, we'll make sure it ends here, kay."  
  
"Maker, I wish it was for a tea party. But this place gives me the creeps. I wanna be able to go back to Kirkwall, wanna go back to Andy," Beth smirks at him.  
  
Alex snorted, "I think your kinda stuck with Twinkles now. He ain't gonna leave you alone for no-one."

* * *

  
  
Daylen was looking paler and paler the further they go down this hidden Warden place. Alex was beginning to freak out because of it. He kept his arm around his twin constantly to make sure he was alright, but he wasn't was he. Alex didn't know what to do at all when Daylen just pushed him away, his entire face wrinkled him as he rubbed his temples.  
  
The bird like man didn't help matters either when he found them in their camp. Good god, his hair was missing in clumps, both of his eyes were milky white, constantly twitching as he spoke to them. Just like a fucking zombie.  
  
"I smell the blood in you. Yes, yes, you must use it to kill him while he sleeps. You have to."  
  
Beth blinked her eyes a few times, "I beg your pardon? What are you?"  
  
"He's a Warden. A former Commander. You came done here to die, didn't you, but your still alive," Daylen shook his head at the sorry looking man, "Maker, I knew what I would face, but certainly not something like you."  
  
"I'm still alive! It feeds me, keeps me hidden when I hide from them. Yes, I hide. Blood of Hawke, you must kill the Master. He is waking," the man twitched again trying to grin.  
  
Alex started to tune out what was said, this was getting well beyond him now. Everything was when he looked back at Daylen. Is that what Wardens end up turning into before they die? Fucking hell, is that what Anders is going to end up like too? How many years do either of them have left then. No, Day told him he would have at least twenty to thirty years left before he starts to hear the calling. Anders too. Something wasn't right here at all.  
  
His stomach rolled when the half-dead Warden ran off, leaving them all standing there.  
  
"Day," Alex whispered, "you alright?"  
  
"NO! No, I'm - stop talking to me. STOP TALKING!"  
  
His eyes go wide stepping away from his twin. Varric grabbed his hand hard when Daylen pushed past them all going ahead, and never lets go when they set off again. Maybe, maybe this is what Marethari was talking about? He didn't know. God, he just wanted to go home now, go home to his dogs he was missing something rotten being here.

* * *

  
  
Daylen started to get worse the longer they were here. Talking to a voice in his head everytime Beth opened some weird magical seal thing. All Alex could think of were the Seven Seals from the bible, once the last one was open, then that was it. End of days. Fuck!  
  
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD! STOP TALKING! STOP, STOP, STOP!"  
  
"Champ, keep it together. We're almost there," Varric looked up at Alex as worried as he was, "Maferaths balls, we're almost there."  
  
Larius found them again, his arms flapping about trying to calm his twin down, "Do not say his name! He will hear you! He is waking now. Yes, he is waking."  
  
"Who the fuck is waking? Make some sense you bloody half-dead fucking ZOMBIE!" Alex spat at the man, "Tell us NOW!"  
  
"Corypheus. He wakes!"  
  
Alex fisted his hands by his sides, trying to stem every single piece of dread going through him. Beth took over talking again, but Daylen... Daylen started clawing his face to stop the voice in his head. Alex grabbed his hands when blood slowly started trickling down over his nose, going over his lips still babbling for the voice to stop. His own hands shook looking at his twin in agony, his face was contorted in both pain and rage when he pushed Alex away.  
  
"Leave me alone," he growled through his teeth, pure anger was etched in his eyes, "Don't you EVER touch me."  
  
Alex felt his lip quiver when he stepped back several paces, "Day, babe. Its me, Alex. Plea-"  
  
"I SAID DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP TALKING, STOP IT! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"  
  
"He is talking to him, yes," Larius pulled Alex away from him even more, "He is talking, calling."  
  
He felt wide eyed looking at the half-dead man, "Calling? As in like the blight calling? The fucks going on!"  
  
"He calls, like an old god," Larius dipped his head, then flinched, "NO! They come. No, no, no, no. Must hide, yes."  
  
Alex felt like he was falling apart when the man ran off again, Daylen raving like a mad man at the voices. Beth was trying to calm him down instead now, trying to hand him a healing poultice, but got it slapped out of her hand when he clawed his head again.  
  
_God, if you hear me. I'm sorry, okay, I take everything back I have ever said about you. About the Maker too, because right now, I could do with both of you to help me make sense of all this. Please._  
  
His heart pounded a hundred fold in his chest as he shook. His whole body shook like crazy when three Wardens in their blues run up to them.  
  
"Your here!"  
  
Alex put himself between everyone, "What are you wardens doing here? What the fucks going on?"  
  
The woman ignored him looking right at Beth, "We've been looking for you, Bethany. You father-"  
  
"What did my father do? What do you people want with me?" Beth pulled the bow from her back, notching an arrow aiming it right at the Wardens, "If I don't like what I hear, not only will I kill you, but so will they."  
  
"Forgive me, Bethany. I'm Janeka and I lead this unit of Wardens here. Your father helped us many years ago, to keep you and your brothers safe," Janeka put her hands out stepping forward, "He kept Corypheus in stasis. We use anything during a blight to better everything, even your father."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up, "If your talking about blood magic, we all ready know what he was. But-"  
  
"Malcolm sealed him behind the wards. We need her blood to free him," Janeka smirked.  
  
"NO! You cannot free him, this is madness."  
  
"Commander? Maker, whats happened to you," one of the Wardens stepped away from Larius when he reappeared.  
  
Janeka waved her hand at the zombie, "Don't listen to that, thing. He's half-dead as it is. We want Corypheus free so I can bind him to my will. He will be used against the next blight, he will be a tool for the Wardens to free them all."  
  
Alex's mind started to blank, the wave of sick he hasn't felt in a while go right through him again. This, this fucking woman wanted to free this Master Corypheus, that Malcolm Hawke kept sealed up? The fucking hell is going on? Larius and Janeka were arguing when he stepped away from the Wardens, he stepped back to Daylen looking down at the floor at the poultice, then picked it up. Alex unscrewed the cap, looking at his twin still raving, still trying to claw his face away from him.  
  
God, blood was just pouring from the claw marks over his face, getting in his eyes.  
  
He shook sticking his fingers into the red salve, stepping a little closer to Daylen. Alex put his coated fingers up at the man, only to have them slapped away. His lip quivered once more trying to do it again feeling defeated when he was pushed onto the floor, the poultice flying out of his hands when Daylen backhanded his face.  
  
What happened next scared the living daylights out of him. More so then Carver and his twin.  
  
Daylen reared his head back, his magic just flowed through his arms to his hands as two Shades were summoned next to him. The rage in his face when he rounded on Alex, frightened everything out of him, trying to back away when lightening bolts were aimed right between his legs.  
  
"DAYLEN, STOP! GOD JUST STOP, PLEASE!" he scrambled to get away but got pushed back onto the ground by the fucking Shades, pinning him to it on his front.  
  
Several bolts pierced the Shades, letting up their hold on Alex which gave him time to get away. The Wardens had fled with Bethany, he had no idea where they went when he faced his twin summoning even more twisted around him, his face even more twisted in wrath. He stood there frozen to the spot not wanting to pull the daggers from his thighs to attack Daylen. But man gave him no choice when a bolt of lightening went into Varric, sending him flying off into the distance.  
  
"Please, just stop," he whimpered putting his hands up, "You can fight this, please. Oh god please just stop," tears poured down his face unsheathing his weapons, he tried to touch the ring on his finger but had to dance out the way when the Shades went for him again.  
  
He slipped into the shadows running behind Daylen, and clenched his eyes shut when he leaped forward with his daggers out. He didn't want to see when they sunk in deep into everything around him, he didn't want to hear the screamed of the Shades dying, to the sound of Daylen screaming in pain when they sunk into his back. His hands felt coated in muck when he stopped, he felt like he was coated in it when he opened his eyes.  
  
Two Shades were still standing as was Daylen when he turned to face Alex.  
  
"Dayglo, babe. Please," Alex whimpered again when the man charged at him.  
  
He clamped his eyes shut resigning to his fate, dropping the daggers to the floor feeling the sharp pain go through his stomach. His mouth opened wide as the sword was drove in deeper into his gut, his twins face sneered up in his own when he lent towards it, then spat in his face like he was filth. Alex's eyes blurred with the amount of tears coming out of them, as much as the blood poured out from the hole in his stomach when Daylen pulled the sword free.  
  
He was going to die again, he knew it when he slumped to the ground clutching the wound, the blood seeping between his fingers slowly lifting his head up to his twin.  
  
"Daylen. I, I-"  
  
"Stop, talking," Daylen brought the shield against his face, breaking his nose, he brought it back again hearing his jaw break when he collapsed fully onto the floor unconscious-

 

* * *

_He, was gorgeous. Good god was he gorgeous when she blushed at him. Tall, dark haired, handsome, gorgeous man, was interested in her of all people. Alex blushed again when he took her hand, guiding her to the dance floor. She couldn't help but giggle at the American when he twirled her around with one hand. She was giddy, in every way possible._  
  
_Dreamboat, thats exactly what he is._  
  
_She wanted to marry him._

* * *

_Alex shook at the airport, holding everything she owned in one bag, trying to hide the bruises on her face and arms. Frankie had thrown her out of her own home, not before he beat her shitless as usual. But she couldn't take any more when she ran. She wanted to get as far away as possible from the man._  
  
_God, da was so mad when he heard what the man did, he made her null the marriage there and then. She did, Frankie flew off into a rage, and well here she is going back home._  
  
_It was her fault. Everythings her fault, will always be her fault things fall apart. Alex rubbed her stomach when the flight was called, rubbing where he kicked her hard on the floor._  
  
_She just wanted to go home._

* * *

_"Lee, what in the fuck are you wearing?"_  
  
_Her brother grinned at her, twirling around in what she could describe at nothing but buckles and straps. Alex blinked a few times at the bright pink things on her brothers legs, at the yellow smiley faced ripped T too._  
  
_"My raving gear. You like," Lee twirled around again, then nearly fell flat on his arse tripping over a loose strap. Alex threw her head back laughing hard. Raving gear, why was she not surprised at all her brother went raving._  
  
_"You look like a fucking moron. Good god, please tell me your not wearing that out now. OH GOD," her eyes go wide, "You are ain't you. Fuck me."_  
  
_Lee stuck his tongue out at her, redoing the loose strap on his pants, "Yeah and? Your wearing all black like some bloody punk gone wrong, missy. All those piercings too, what would mum say to all that, huh?"_  
  
_"She'll probably say 'Why didn't you stop your brother from wearing all that malarkey?' You know full bloody well she will!"_

* * *

_Alex snuck out the womans house, she didn't want to be there when the dark skinned beauty woke up. Fuck, it was a mistake to even go back home with her, she's never felt more uncomfortable in her life, like she did last night._

_Ugh, she was now doing the walk of shame back home in bare feet. Mum's going to give her an earful, she knows it. Gods sake, she doesn't even know the womans name, let alone remember how much she drank. Mistake. Huge pile of dog shit mistake._

_Alex slammed a hand over her face, she left her bag there. Well, thats just bloody perfect. Of course it is. She looked over her shoulder at the cul de sac house, slumping her shoulders when she just ran all the way home. Sod her bloody bag, she didn't have anything in it anyway. She's never, ever, doing that again_

* * *

_She held her brothers hand in his hospital bed. She looked over the bruises, the cuts, the stitches, everything on him. She felt like she sat there for weeks waiting for him to come out from surgery. She probably did. Mayam was asleep in her chair next to him._  
  
_Lee stirred in his bed, his eyes slowly blinking open, then squinted at the light. Alex ran her thumb across his hand, smiling at him when he grins at her._  
  
_"I'm I man yet? I can't feel shit," he tried to move only ending up wincing giving up._  
  
_Alex giggled nodding her head, "Yeah you are. Take it easy you bloody oaf. May's asleep in her chair. We were both a little worried when you didn't wake up. Eh, your awake now, a man."_  
  
_Lee wrinkled his nose up, looking over at his girlfriend then back at her, "Alex, fuck am I glad thats the final surgery. I don't wanna have to keep worrying both of you, or mum. Fucking hurts like shit though."_  
  
_"Your fine, Lee," she gently kissed his hand, brushing the hair from his face, "The day I stop worrying, is the day you ask May to marry the fuck outta ya."_  
  
_Her brother grinned again, "One day."_

* * *

_Anger rose up in her, sneering her lip up at him, "Fucking hell, Dallin. I can't believe you sometimes. On my fucking birthday as well, TWICE! Fuck you, arsehole."_  
  
_"Cariad, I'm only doing whats right. I'm doing this to sav-"_  
  
_"The fuck you call me cariad. I'm not your love any more. You, left me! You have no fucking right to call me that any more. Here," Alex dug around in her pack jabbing her fingers on the badge at the bottom, "I signed everything, just like you wanted."_  
  
_She dug around more, trying to pull everything out. Dallin sighed, shaking his head at her, "Alexandria, I know you will never understand what I'm doing. You are still my Cariad, will always be. I'm just sorry it has to be this way."_  
  
_"Yeah well, I'm not sorry, kay. Years, Dallin, fucking years we spent together. I helped you for the love of everything, then you turn your back on me. Walking away like nothing actually fucking happened."_  
  
_God fucking dammit, her hands just wouldn't grab the fucking papers in her pack. She stood there on the curb dropping her hands to her sides, "You know what, I'll mail them to you. I'm too fucking pissed right now to even deal with this. See you around."_  
  
_Alex shook her head stepping off the curb. Barely three steps in when the white thing hit her full force, sending her flying off into the railings. She felt her back snap hitting it, her head snapping backwards when the truck ran into her again, her body skidding under the thing now over the ice trapped under it. Dallin is screaming for her, she hears him when everything stops._  
  
_She could feel her life ebbing away, feel her life force seeping into the ground around_ _her when her mind blanks._ _Her heart stops, her liver, kidneys, brain, everything stops, she remembers that as she lays there. She sees herself from above, before everything turns to black._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation - 
> 
> Ir abelas - I'm sorry.  
> Ma serannas - Thank you.  
> Da'len - Child.  
> Cariad - Welsh for love.


	39. I Love You ... I'll Kill You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Corypheus is defeated. But shit goes down the crapper again. Daylen leaves. Cullen has a rough night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Cullen has an odd daydream happen. A slight triggery rape thing goes on.
> 
> Divided the previous chapter into two. Got a little too long. So there you are.
> 
> Enigma - I Love You ... I'll Kill You - https://youtu.be/EyhM2LmIHbg

**9:36 Dragon - Justinian**.  
  
"I can't keep this up! Maker, I can't fucking well keep this up!"  
  
Varric aimed Bianca at the monster again, his bolts just pinged off the things armour. He was trying to keep it together, he really was. But he couldn't when he choked out a sob, leaping into the air backwards firing four shots off at once.  
  
Ice fell from the ceiling again nearly impaling Stormy. She managed to get out the way in time, but this Corypheus just roared with laughter at them all, calling them pathetic rats, to bend to his will. _'Fuck that shit,'_ he thought sending a bolt right into the Magisters eye, he's just lost his best fucking friend to the damn Warden. The man was trying to fight along side them when he snapped out of the bastards influence.  
  
Still didn't make shit right. Still wasn't going to bring the kid back from the dead. Champ cried when he saw what he did, he scoffed at the man keeping him away from his friends body. He didn't want the Warden touching him at all. Varric would be the one sending his Menaces body back where it came from, NOT him.  
  
"Keep going, Stormy. We can do it," he shouted back at her, but he knew it was fruitless even trying at this point when Corypheus put his hands out, pulling magic from the pillars into him again.  
  
More ice fell from above, the storm around the tower was getting stupid beyond stupid when he hid behind one of the broken pillars.  
  
"If he pulls a dragon outta his arse, I'm leaving," yeah, not like he could go anywhere now. They were royally fucked at this point.  
  
"I'll pay you if he does," Champ panted out next to him trying to hide as much as he was, "Varric, Maker, I'm-"  
  
He shook his head aiming his crossbow up at the man, "Stow it. If we get outta this, you stay the fuck away from me, from Beth, from all of us. You hear me. You fucking go back to the Wardens were you belong."  
  
"No, I won't go back!"  
  
Varric snarled his lip up, "You will. You killed him you piece of shit. You'll go back, even if I have to drag ya back to Ferelden myself."  
  
The mans face fell as his lip quivered, new tears rolled down his face hoisting his shield up, putting a new magic barrier around them all with a wave of his sworded hand, "I tried to stop him, you have to believe me. I tried."  
  
"Yeah, you sure did."  
  
He was having none of it when he ran out from behind the pillar, aiming his beautiful baby girl at the Magister again. He was having none of it any more. Wardens can suck his damn nuts from now on, he trusted NONE of them: Janeka fucked them over, Larius was stark raving mad, Champ killed his best fucking friend. Blondie on the other hand...  
  
"DIE WORMS!" Corypheus shouted sneering his upper twisted thing of a lip up, sending out yet more poison at them all, "Perish and be forgotten."  
  
Varric slumped his shoulders when Stormy went down, her bow skidded right out of her grasp snapping the thing in half, when her back impacted against the wall. Champ roared out in anger, charging full bore at the monster again, magic danced around his whole body in anger. Yeah, he would of been impressed any other time, but not right now. Fuck Wardens, fuck this damn bullshit, he wanted to go home.  
  
Home.

His shoulders slumped even more lowering Bianca to the ground. He was never going to see it again, he was never going to sit in the Hanged Man with his friends any more, he was never going to give Norah a good ribbing for owning the place. He was never going to put that bolt into his brothers eye for the sodding mess he created either. Maferaths sagging cock, he was never going to go home any more.  
  
Champ was the next one down, the Magister backhanded the Warden away. His shield skimmed across the ground stopping right next to Varric's feet. The sword was still in Champs hand when he went to get back up, but was pinned to the ground by falling ice.  
  
Varric just stared at the shield, stared at the now worn away emblem that was on it. His eyes traced the winged pattern, the worn away sword and scales, then choked back another sob dropping his girl to the ground when he slumped on it. There was nothing he could do on his own, so he gave up. At least he had a best seller out already. Would sell for a shit tonne now he was gonna die.  
  
"Do you yield? Do you yield to the will that be Corypheus, dwarf?"  
  
"Shut up. If ya gonna kill me, do it. I don't wanna hear some long assed speech before you do."  
  
He clamped his tears soaked eyes shut, fisting his hands against his thighs hoping to the void and back this would be quick and painless. Varric could feel the magic being summoned, could feel the whole place around him come alive with it. _'Well mother,'_ he thinks bowing his head, his now loose hair flopping around his face, _'looks like I'm coming to be with ya after all.'_  
  
A distant howl made him frown. He could hear that over the raging storm behind him, over the magic being summoned.  
  
Another howl made him open one eye, looking about to see where it was coming from.  
  
"What be this? What be this meaning?" Corypheus sounded even more confused when Varric tilted his head up at the monster, "Wolves to feast upon the dead?"  
  
Wolves? The void-  
  
What came over the storm filled bridge made his jaw drop to the floor. Hundreds of see-through wolves, bears, huge hulking cats and birds just flew over the bridge to the Magister. Varric rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things. The whole lot of them pounced on the monster trying to swat them away, its magic were doing nothing against them at all.  
  
Varric grinned picking Bianca up again, that'll give him a chance to check on Stormy. Makers breath, he hoped to everything she was still alive slumped against the wall. He dug his hand into his duster, nodding his head running over to her feeling the healing potion still intact there. She was still breathing when he skidded to a stop, laying his baby girl down again beside the prone woman.  
  
"Stormy, you awake? Better be sweetheart," he moved her head to one side, letting out a sigh when her eyes blinked open, "There you are. We ain't got much time. Whatever else is happening right now, gave us a window."  
  
She nodded her head slowly in his hand, parting her lips for the potion. Wouldn't be enough, but enough so they could get the fuck outta here. Colour came back into her face when the whole vial was done, she looked over at her broken bow, heaving out a sigh before looking up at him.  
  
"How we going to get out? What about Daylen?" she pointed wincing.  
  
"He can sodding well stay here all I care," he spat, then spat on the ground picking up the blooded quiver, "We gotta go. I dunno whats going on, but we gotta go."  
  
Stormy shook her head at him, "We have to kill Corypheus. We can't leave that fucking thing running around. Maker, dad tried to keep him sealed up for a reason. I have to finish this. I have no choice but to do this, Varric."  
  
She was a Hawke alright when she shimmied up the wall to keep her balance. Stubborn, bullheaded, refusing to back down even with how injured she was. Shit. He watched her put her hands out at the last pillar, sending what little magic she had left into it. All the while the see-through animals hounded the monster, practically making the thing kneel with how many were pouncing on it, raking, biting, pecking at its face and body.  
  
Varric sucked in a deep breath when the pillar broke, Corypheus howled out in anger and pain lashing out wildly. He could see something moving out the corner of his eye, but ignored it watching Stormy walk slowly over to the fallen Magister on his knees. It moved again, Varric slowly turned his head to see what it was.

Bianca dropped to the ground again, several bolts rolled away from her cartridge when his hands flew up to his mouth at Menace standing at the end of the bridge.  
  
Maferaths arse he was covered in so much blood, clutching a dagger in one hand, his stomach in the other. His legs almost gave out making Varric yell, putting both his hands out to brace him from a distance. _As if that would help you stupid sodding dwarf._ His face, Maker, his face was contorted in agony trying to walk. Even he could see from here Menace was missing some of his piercings.

Shit, shit, shit.  
  
A loud moaning scream made him flinch, made him look over his shoulder as Stormy sent what little magic she had killing the monster on the ground. Its head exploded in a shower of black blood everwhere, its lifeless body fell forward, she sent more magic into it to make sure it was dead. Then there was silence when the storm just stopped, the ice from the ceiling stopped falling down, the see-through animals vanishing one by one.

The only real sound was the laboured breathing of Menace when he looked back at his friend, who was now slumped to the floor still clutching his stomach.  
  
"Holy shit kid," Varric just couldn't contain himself when he ran over to him, "thought I lost you. Hold on, Maker, just hold on."  
  
"My life," his friend winced trying to chuckle, talking through his clenched jaw, "flashed before my eyes. It sucked."  
  
"Damn Menace," Varric smiled, cupping his friends face between his hands, "Gonna have to write that shit down you know."  
  
The kid slumped forward against his chest when he passed out, but Makers fucking sodding hairy ballsack, his friend was still alive. He, was still alive.

* * *

  
**9:36 Dragon - Solace.**  
  
Alex flinched at the sound of shouting from somewhere. He flinched again at things being broken, tossed about in anger. He slowly blinked his eyes opens, blinking them at the dim light around him, squinting up at the black canopy above. Alex frowned blinking his eyes even more, tilting his head slowly to one side as more sounds of things being broken, more shouting, then stared at the fireplace he knows well staring back at him.  
  
He, was somehow home, not underground. How in the fuck did he get home? Who brought him back home?  
  
"NO, YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM!"  
  
That was Snoopy's voice shouting outside his door, something broke again making him flinch at it. Who the fuck was his friend shouting at? Why the fuck were things being broken in his home?  
  
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" that one was Daylen shouting.  
  
Alex's eyes slipped closed when his bedroom door was pushed open. His whole body hurt when he shook from it, everything hurt on him again like it did when he died. God, he didn't want to be reminded of any of that when the bed dipped next to him. He cracked one eye open to see who it was, then clamped it shut at Daylen sitting there with his head in his hands.  
  
"Alex. Maker, I couldn't stop. I tried, please believe me I tried. I thought- Oh Maker, I thought you- Then they all kept me away from you, all of them."  
  
"I almost did," he opened his eyes looking up at Daylens head, "again. Can we, can we not do that. Please."  
  
Daylen nodded behind his hands, "I'm leaving next month, going back to Amaranthine on orders from Nate. I don't want to go, Maker," he sobbed hard looking at Alex now, "I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I, I don't know how to say sorry. I couldn't stop it when he took me over. I, I was fighting him the whole way."  
  
"I see. How did I get home?" his voice sounded rough and raw.  
  
"We brought you back. Varric didn't want me touching you, but had no choice bringing you out of there. I healed you," Daylen choked back on another sob, "I healed you as best I could. Your scarred now, Alex. I did that to you. I, I don't think I can forgive myself for that, for what he made me do."  
  
Alex nodded slipping his eyes closed, breathing in deeply through his nose then out through his mouth slowly. He did it again before he spoke, "How long have I been home? Where's Beth?"  
  
"She's fine, she's with Andy right now. You've, you've been home almost a month."  
  
He opened his eyes to look at his twin, "I would say I don't want you to fucking go," he sucked in a deep breath again, wincing at the pain in him, "But I'll be lying if I said that. You hurt me, you nearly killed me in that fucking prison. I know its not your fault, but I can't trust you being near me any more. I'd rather be alone then to have any more fucking hurt put on me, Dayglo."  
  
His twin's bottom lip quivered when he rose from the bed, more tears gently rolled down his scarred face backing away, "Please don't do this to me. Please. I tried to stop him, I tried. Please, Alex, don't do this."  
  
"How can I trust you not to have some other calling bullshit happen again? How can I trust a group of people who supposedly stops blights," Alex pulled himself upright even through the pain, sitting up against the headboard, "only to free monsters in the deep? Use blood magic to bind, control shit thats meant to remain locked away? I love you, Day. But, get the fuck out of my house."  
  
Daylen ran out the room, pushing past Anders who was coming in. Alex felt hollow again. He thought they were going to be together, look after each other, but how can he when something like that happened? When he thought everything was going to be alright, only to be literally stabbed for the whole thing. Anders looked at him pained when he sat in the same spot Daylen was not a few moments before, his healing swirling about in his hand going over his body.  
  
Cassidy was wrong. Marethari was wrong. Everyone was fucking wrong when he broke down in tears. He felt more hollow now then he's ever done. He wanted Cass back, God did he want Cass back to be here with him. Not dying to save his fucking waste of space life. Anders wrapped his arms around him as he cried his heart out, feeling it break again in his chest.  
  
He was dying all over again, but this time, he didn't actually die.

* * *

  
**9:36 Dragon - August**  
  
"Are you bleedin' sure? Andraste's arse, I don't know how painful it's going to be for you right now."  
  
Alex glared at Anders from his bed, "Yes, I'm fucking sure. I want it gone, I don't wanna have to keep looking at it any more."  
  
Fucking hell, he just wanted the damn tattoos on his face gone. He wanted it all gone so he didn't have any more reminders of anything that hurts him. Plus, he wants to be able to get out of bed, another few weeks in it was beginning to piss him off something stupid.  
  
"Brat, it was a gift. I want you to be sure you want it removed," Anders rubbed his temples, "I know your still upset-"  
  
"I won't repeat myself. I know what it was, I know what it was for, but I want it gone, Anders. If I get disfigured by it, then I don't give a fuck any more. I'm already scarred on my mother fucking body thanks to-" Alex screwed his face up to keep the tears at bay, "Just get it off."  
  
His friend sucked his lip into his mouth, nodding rising from the bed then left his room. Alex pulled his sleeping vest over his head, throwing it in the room somewhere laying back down on the mattress. He tilted his head to look at the ugly scar in his stomach, running his fingers over the raised flesh and started crying again looking up at the canopy. His hands bunched up the sheets in them when he dropped them onto the bed, screwing the fabric up as much as his eyes.  
  
If Anders had gone down there instead, he'd would of told his best friend to get the fuck out too. But he didn't, he was still here, still trying to wrap his own head around what happened. He was now determined to find a cure for the Taint in every Warden, to free them from that bondage that held them all in a vice grip. Alex agreed with him on that front. He wanted to help him find a way to free them all. But he had no idea where to start.  
  
"Alex," he sighed at the voice from the doorway, "I, asked Anders to remove mine as well before I leave. It doesn't hurt that bad."  
  
"Day, I, I," he wiped the tears from his face sitting back up, "I'm sorry, for everything. I'm sorry you got caught up in everything that you did. I, I just hope-" he looked out the window trying to compose himself, "We're going to find a cure, me and Anders. He doesn't want to be bound to the Taint any more like you don't want to be."  
  
Daylen sat next to him, taking his hand within his tracing the back of it with his thumb, "I know, he told me. I, I have someone in Soldiers Peak researching it all, even if he is a sick, twisted little man."  
  
"I," he pulled the man forward so their foreheads rested against the other, looking into pale blue eyes, looking over the scarred flesh on his face, "I don't want to hurt any more."  
  
"Neither do I," Daylen whispered over his lips, "Maker, neither do I. I hurt you, thats the worst thing someone can do."  
  
Alex kissed him hard, gripping the raven black hair tight in his hands laying down with him between his legs. This would be the last time either of them do this to the other, this was going to be the last farewell when he slipped his tongue in the others mouth. He didn't care anyone saw them doing this, he didn't care how much pain he was in from within and on the outside, he didn't care when this was goodbye.  
  
Water dropped on his cheeks, he pulled back from the feeling looking up at Daylen. The man still had his eyes closed, the tears rolling out from them onto Alex, he was even shaking when he pulled away out of his grasp. His heart broke again when Daylen just walked slowly out the room, leaving him laying there in pieces once more grasping at nothing.  
  
"Goodbye," Alex whispered fisting the sheets up in his hands when he dropped them.

* * *

  
Cullen kept his hand on his sword when they rounded the corner of the Red Lantern District, the two other Templars with him were wary as well when they received a note about a disturbance here. Wasn't exactly that clear on what it was, just to come as soon as possible. Maker, he hoped it wasn't another blood mage trying to stalk around at night. Bad enough they had to deal with a group of them the other night outside the Chantry.  
  
All three of them could hear someone arguing near the White Swallow, two someones when they ran towards it. He really didn't need this right now, he really didn't.  
  
"I said," the slurred voice rang out, "I do what I want. Now kindly FUCK OFF!"  
  
"Serah, its past curfew. You need to go home. Donnic's not going to be happy if I drag you to-"  
  
The slurred voice shouted again, "Fuck Donnic and his tight little cell. Fuck you too, while your at it. I don't give a shit."  
  
Cullen cocked his head at the slurred voice when they came into proper hearing distance, he lets out a sigh when he sees who it is swaying in the middle of the Lantern's square.  
  
"Oh look. They come to take me away too," Knight waved a bottle at them all, "HAH, takes four of you to do it? I'm insulted."  
  
"Knight-Captain? Is that, is that the Champion?" one of his Lieutenants whispered, "What do we do here, Ser?"  
  
Cullen waved them off, "I'll deal with it. Go patrol with the Guard-Captain's man near the Lowtown steps."  
  
"Aye Ser."  
  
All three men bow before they left, Knight was staggering up to watch them all leave as well next to him, "Still insulted. Should be at least forty," the man snorted taking a large drink from the bottle.  
  
"Knight, what in the Makers name are you doing out this time of night? Drunk no less."  
  
The man snorted again, "I snuck out like a bad boy. Got fed up with all the fucking fuss," the bottle flew off into the distance when he threw it, smashing against a wall, "I can't take that shit any more."  
  
Cullen looked over the other mans face, the missing tattoo, the missing piercings he's come to know well when ever he looked at him. A messy scar ran over his bottom lip along the right side of his face, another was from his right ear. He also saw the tears roll down Knights face when he looked at him, pointing at his chest.  
  
"You just gonna stand there and gawk?"  
  
"What happened? I heard you left a couple of months back to-" Cullen tried to step back when Knight lunged at him, the mans hands went through his hair when he kissed him sloppily.  
  
Cullen pushed him away in shock, he didn't know what to do when Knight just burst into tears, wrapping his arms around himself with his head bowed. He furrowed his brow while he shook, putting his hand out laying it on the mans shoulder. Cullen squeezed it tight as Knight looked at him, his eyes rimmed red, cheeks stained with the tears going down them. He looked about himself, then nodded guiding Knight to one of the backalley's to see exactly what in the Makers name was going on with the man.  
  
It shocked him that the man came willingly at all, considering Knight doesn't exactly like Templars. He made that entirely clear to him when Cullen made the mistake of telling him that he had a crush on the man. Maker, he never felt more hurt by anything then he did then. But then, Knight just kissed him? No, it was the alcohol doing it, not the man himself when he stopped them in the alleyway.  
  
"Knight," he lets him go, folding his arms over his armoured chest, "What's going on? What happened?"  
  
"Everything, thats what. I," the other man rested his back on the brick wall, wiping his eyes, "You gonna arrest me? I could do with being chained up right now."  
  
Cullen dropped his hands to his side, "Makers breath. Look," he ran a hand through his hair, "just tell me whats going on then I'll take you home."  
  
Knight scoffed wrapping his arms around himself again, "Whats the fucking point? I told Day to get the fuck out of my house when he lost his fucking mind. He stabbed me, he did this to me," a hand was waved at the scars on his face, "Wasn't his fucking fault. But, but I hurt. Everywhere, I hurt. I, I, I just-"  
  
"He tried to kill you! What in the Makers name for? Where is he?" Cullen couldn't believe what he was hearing right now.  
  
"Gone back to the Wardens. Some Magister Coryfish, no," Knight shook his head, "Corypenisphus. FUCK, Corypheus, yeah thats it, took his mind over. So yeah, there you go."  
  
Cullen nodded his head stepping a little closer to the man, "What about the tattoo, what happened with that?"  
  
"Asked Feathers to get it off my fucking face. Hurt like shit," Knight shrugged looking at him now instead of the ground, "I'm really really really drunk, Cullen. Like, really drunk. Fuck me."  
  
"WHAT!" he squeaked putting both his hands up, "Maker, I'm not going to do that to you. Wouldn't be right."  
  
"Why not? I don't see the fucking problem here. I. Want. You." Knight jabbed his fingers into his cuirass with each word, "To. Fuck. Me. Right here, right now."  
  
Cullen took both of the mans hands in his, shaking his head with wide eyes, "Knight, stop. I'm taking you home to sleep this off. You have no idea what your-"  
  
"FUCK ME YOU CUNT! Bend me over," he lent his face to his, Cullen can smell the rum on his breath, "that fucking barrel and fuck me like a whore. Fuck me like you mean it, Cullen."  
  
"You'd regret it if I did, Alex," he swallowed hard searching the mans eyes, "I'm a Templar, if you've forgotten. After what the others almost did, after you made it plain-"  
  
Knight kissed him again when he lent forward more, and every ounce of his chivalry went out the window, every ounce of his vows followed not long after when he pinned the other man to the wall. His mind and body were screaming at him to stop, but he couldn't when he slipped his tongue into the pliant mouth, he couldn't forcing his thigh between legs. Knight groaned hard in his mouth digging his nails into the back of his hands, rutting against his thigh.  
  
Cullen pushed his tongue further into the mans mouth, tasting the alcohol, tasting the other man all over his tongue. His mind swam with the taste letting go of Knights hands to grip his hips instead, pulling them away from the wall. His whole body screamed at him again to stop, this was foolish, reckless, that he was going to regret this, but he didn't listen when he growled through the kiss. Sucking that warm tongue as he pulled back, nipping on those beautiful lips gripping the slender hips under his hands even more.  
  
"Turn around."  
  
Maker, what was he doing? Why was he even doing this when Knight actually did what he said, his hands planted on the wall with his legs spread. Cullen wanted to stop again when he reached around the laces on the front of Knights leathers, pulling them open before he slipped his hand down them to feel the stiffness there. He moaned at the back of Knights neck, feeling the warmth under his fingers brushing them down the perfect feeling cock under his hand.

Sweet Maker, make him stop this.  
  
Cullen screwed his eyes shut tight pulling those very same leathers down around thighs, slipping his own hand between his skirts to free himself. He couldn't believe he was going to do this at all, stroking his own cock to full hardness forcing his legs between Knights more, pulling those hips away from the wall with his free hand.  
  
"Maker forgive me," he whispered resting his forehead on Knights back, lining himself up to the very unprepared hole he was about to enter. His hands shook, his whole body shook as tears rolled down his face pushing his cock into the other man.  
  
The keening sound from Knight made him cry out into the sky above him, his fingers digging in hard to slender hips sliding more of himself into the man. Cullen's entire self felt like it was breaking forcing himself into Knight, this wasn't who he was when he slowly started to rock his hips back. This wasn't who he was, when he growled through his teeth grabbing a handful of hair with his hand to arch the mans back. Knight was moaning pushing back hard into his thrust, his own fingers digging into the brick wall scraping down them.

This wasn't how he wanted to do this with the man at all. This isn't how he wanted any of this to be when he fastened his pace.  
  
He didn't want to do this in some dirty backalley. He didn't want it to feel like a rape grasping the hair more in his hand, his head resting on the mans back, his finger nails feeling like the broke skin gripping the hip even more.  
  
"I said I'm really fucking drunk, Cullen."  
  
He blinked his eyes several times, "What?" he looked about himself, looking down at his hands, his skirts, then back at the man giving him an odd look.  
  
"Think your the one who's fucking drunk," Knight snorted flicking his nose, "If your just gonna stand there like some gaping fish, I can see ma self home. If I remember which way it is."  
  
Cullen stood there watching Knight stagger out from the backalley, his hands shook against his skirts when he swallowed loudly. What in the Makers name just happened? Did he, did he just-  
  
"Knight, Alex wait," he ran out from the alley with one hand out, the man turned around nearly falling over with a giggle on his lips, "What, what just happened? Did we...?"  
  
"Did we what? I," Knight hiccuped giggling again, "I told you what Daylen did. Said I'm like reaaaally drunk, I think? I think I said fuck me? Eh, I'm going home, that way," he pointed in the wrong direction, "No that way. Yeah."  
  
He stood there again not understanding what in the Makers name just happened to him. It was like Kinloch all over again, like someone found his desire, then twisted it like those demons did to him. He stood there watching Knight lean against the wall as he giggled to himself, one of his hands lifted out in-front of him as a single tear rolled down his face. He was falling apart and he knew it. As much as Knight was, it seems.  
  
His knees touched the stone on the ground when he collapsed, his hands bracing him choking back on everything in him. He didn't know what was real any more. He just didn't know.

* * *

  
"Rough night pup?"  
  
Alex lifted his head up to the woman, "Yeah. I think I drank a whole fucking brewery. Mouth tastes like dirty underwear."  
  
Izzy threw her head back as she laughed, "Serves you right sneaking out. Don't think we didn't all know, pup. Sparklefingers went nuts when he found you missing."  
  
"Shit," Alex banged his head softly on the island, "I think I caused a disturbance, maybe? Fuck."  
  
"You sure did, kid. Right outside your haunt too," Snoopy shook his head sitting down in his usual seat, "The Knight-Captain had to go deal with you, you know."  
  
"Fan-fucking-tastic. Surprised I didn't get arrested."  
  
Snoopy waved a hand at him, picking his coffee up with the other, "Menace, I didn't call you that by accident, remember. Shouldn't of been sneaking out, kid. Your still recovering as it is."  
  
Alex slammed his hands down, wincing at the loud sound in his ears pushing away from his stool, "Stop it. All of you, just fucking stop it. I don't need any of you," he pointed at them around the island, "fucking fussing. I'm going back to bed."  
  
He made a beeline up to his old room, closing the door softly behind him before leaning back against the wood. Alex looked out the window, looking at the puffy clouds slowly going over the greying sky, watching the people on the outside go about their business. He shook his head looking at the mirror behind the basin there, slowly walking over to it. His eyes were puffy as shit when his reflection stared back at him, the ugly scars over his lip and chin when he traced them. The one going from his ear to jaw when he titled his head to look.  
  
He didn't miss the tattoos when he dipped his head, he didn't miss them at all. He didn't miss all his piercings either, bar the one in his nose and top of his ear. The thing he did miss side-eyeing the hand drawn portrait, was the one he never said 'I love you,' to, the one that should still be here.  
  
Alex bit his lip pushing away from the mirrored table, his eyes never leaving his own hand drawn picture of the man. Cassidy made him promise that he'd write to Leliana, tell her he wanted to work for her. But he never did.  
  
He nodded his head looking at the quill and parchment sitting on the desk, he'll do that now. He'll work for her on the sly, like he wants to do.


	40. If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith goes too far in the middle of Hightown. Plans are set in motion with everyone. Someone gets what the deserve too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Sex end of chapter, death. 
> 
> Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next - https://youtu.be/zw-5Syqmg4g

**9:36 Dragon - Harvestmere.**  
  
"No, don't you fucking lie. Thats not what I would say at all!"  
  
"Bullshit and you know it, Menace."  
  
Alex flicked his hand out at Snoopy, "It wasn't five, it was ten. Get it wrong."  
  
His dwarven friend wrinkled his nose up under his glasses, rewriting everything down, "Oh yeah. Much better. Ten dragons came charging out from the Bone Pit, the Brood mother roaring out in anger at us all. Damn kid, you sure your not trying to take over my job?"  
  
"I would never," Alex put his hand on his chest before he burst out laughing, "Not yet at any rate."  
  
"Are we actually going to go and deal with the problem there or do we all intend to lie about the whole thing?" Snowy drolled out swirling his mug in his hand, "I for one would like to see the place closed down, the people working there given proper employ else where."  
  
Alex nodded his head pulling his own mug over, "Yeah we are. May as well write the complete and utter failure of it before hand, you know. Jobs have already been lined up for the whole lot of them, when we send them back."  
  
"Good, thats what I like to hear. I had no idea the Hawkes even owned that place at all," the elf sighed shaking his head, "But if there are more dragons there, it'll be your first one to see and kill. Be a worthy thing."  
  
"Snowy, your making my insides go all squishy thinking about it. I wanna be able to pet one first before it tries to eat me," Alex snorted.  
  
The entire table groaned at him, he just shrugged looking at them all, "What?"  
  
"Sound just like Carver," Snoopy muttered under his breath making a new amendment in the fake tale so far, "So, when we gonna go deal with all this shit?"  
  
"Two days time. Theres a couple of things I need to do before we go," and ones to check on the raven when he goes back up to Hightown, the other, well...  
  
Anders side-eyed him, briefly nodding his head before looking away. They both had a plan they needed to do, but he needs some fucking books first from the one place he least wanted to be in when he goes there. He smirked behind his mug when he picked it up, was gonna take time to do, but God was it going to be worth it in the end. He made his excuses, kissing his dwarven friend on his head, flicked Snowy's pierced ear earning him an annoyed huff as usual and made his way out the pub.  
  
Cold air nipped at him, bit at his face pulling his coat around him as he leisurely strolled through the Satinalia markets that were going on for a weeks time. Alex has already brought everything he needed for everyone before the prices got jacked up. He ran his fingers along the daggers on his thighs, eyeing the group of Templars going past. Cullen wasn't with them which was a relief. But still, his hackles raised slightly when some of them started barking at people.  
  
Yeah, he knows their the ones causing trouble at the moment on Meredith's orders. Cullen already gave him the run down of whats been happening right now, and it wasn't pleasant at all. Even if the man was acting really weird around him. Alex shrugged the whole thing off, not like he can talk with how he's been acting himself.  
  
An arm hooked through his, a meat and cheese filled roll was shoved in his face which he took with his teeth, grinning around it at the perpetrator snickering at him.  
  
"Your so classy, you know that right?"  
  
"Says the one shoving food in my face," Alex rolled his eyes taking the roll out of his mouth, "Besides, shouldn't you be the one eating it not me?"  
  
Anders shrugged on his arm, "I had mead, thats food enough right now."  
  
"Oh for fucks sake," he shoved the roll in the mans gob, "Eat it. I'll go get another one."  
  
He went to turn away but the man snickered even more pulling another out of his pocket, "Thought you would. Eat now, brat. Then... eat later," he winked biting hard into the meaty roll.  
  
Alex smirked taking the new one from the mans hand, nodding his head at the guards going past. This city was falling apart fast, like way too fast when more guards just run past them going down to the docks. Alright, he did spend a couple of months in the mansion healing over time, when he didn't sneak out to get plastered that was. And the fortnight away in the fucking Warden prison place. Ugh, Alex shook his head, that was the worst fucking thing he's had to deal with yet.  
  
Yes okay, he cried his damn heart out over everything, over letting Daylen go. But it was for the best when he nudged his friend on his arm. Anders quirked an eyebrow at him, then rolled his eyes going back to eating, which just made Alex nudge him even more before letting go at the base of the Hightown steps.  
  
"Ready to go make a scene?"  
  
Anders smirked at him, "Oh yeah. Going to show everyone whats under these robes alright."  
  
"HEY!" Alex whined flicking the mans gold hoop in his ear, "So they get to see it all and not me? I call unfair on that."  
  
"Andraste's dingy knickers. Not like you haven't seen my stunning skinny body before!"  
  
Alex dipped his head down to the older man with a sly grin, "Uh huh. Wanna see it later though."  
  
Anders wrinkled his nose up flicking his now longer hair out the way, "Better make sure no-one's home then when you do."  
  
Both of them gave the last of the rolls to a couple of beggers as they sauntered up the long flight of steps to Hightown. They needed to time this perfectly so Alex could go slink off, and fucking hell, Anders had better put on a good show when he does.  
  
Some sort of Spicy Shimmy the man was going to do. Alex had no idea what that was, but he really wanted to see it instead of going to the fucking Chantry, with its bullshitness emanating from the place. Ugh, he swore Elthina had gotten worse since the last time he saw her. Constantly in the bitch Meredith's fucking pocket too, when the Knight-Commander went running to her for some sort of confession or whatever they fucking do in that place.  
  
Hmm, Alex thought, maybe he should just drag Anders in there and desecrate the place a different way. No, no, maybe later, when he smirked covering his face with his grey hood.  
  
Anders nudged his arm, pointing up the steps. Seb was standing at the top waving his hands at both of them, "You had better come quick both of you."  
  
"Oh thats sounds wonderful," Anders muttered out drolly, "Shit."  
  
Alex pushed the older man by his shoulders up the last set of steps, then got pulled into a hug from his pious friend.  
  
"The fuck thats for?" he blinked when he stepped back.  
  
"Because I know this will be the last straw, trust me on that, friend," Seb hugged him hard again, running his hands down his back, "I'm a little sickened by it myself."  
  
Oh, THAT didn't sound good. Didn't sound good at all when Seb pointed towards the Viscount's Keep. FUCK, thats not where he needed to go when they all set off together, he needed to go to the sodding Chantry not that way. Well this plan was about to fall apart like shit. Nobles and servants alike were flocking that way, Chantry officials, guards even several Templars were standing around listening to the yelling and screaming going on.  
  
Alex squinted in the dim sunlight, trying to see who it was. People moved out the way from him as he stepped through the crowd, all of them looking away the closer he gets to the front.  
  
"And there he is," the shrill voice of Meredith went over people gasping in shock, "The Champion of the People."  
  
What greeted him when he got past the last set of people, nearly sent him to the ground. His whole body shook staring wide eyed at Si with chains around her wrists going to her ankles, a gag over her mouth. Tears were streaming down her bruised face staring at him.  
  
"What the fuck have you done?" he pointed at Meredith in anger, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"  
  
"What is my duty. What is my right for dangerous mages in this city. The one YOUR supposed to protect," she point back at him, "But yet I find a dangerous savage in your home? A dangerous mage roaming our city, Champion?"  
  
"SHE'S JUST A GIRL! THATS A FUCKING YOUNG GIRL YOU SICK BITCH!" Alex flew off into a rage at her, pulling his daggers from his thighs, "And you just gave her a death sentence. You just fucking killed her. Better pray to your fucking worthless god, you son of a bitch, because I'm going to rip your mother fucking head off!"  
  
"You broke in his HOME!" Anders shouted at her now, "You have no right, no authority to do so, Stannard."  
  
Meredith barked a single laugh, "Oh but I do. The Guard-Captain gave me permission so I could."  
  
"No. No he wouldn't," Anders stepped back several paces, "He wouldn't of done that to us."  
  
"The Grand Cleric will hear of this abuse, Knight-Commander," Seb pulled Anders back when he started to fist his hands, "She's just a young woman, given by permission to us from Kinloch to aid the Wardens. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT IN THIS!"  
  
Meredith narrowed her eyes up at the Prince, "That circle is a joke. Full of rebellious mages who need to be put down. Need to be contained. This isn't Ferelden, they have no rights here and neither did this mage wandering the streets. The Wardens have no jurisdiction here either. You three," she pointed behind them all, "take her to the Gallows where she belongs."  
  
Alex's temper rose a hundred fold by now, his daggers shook hard in his hands pushing past his friends, "She stays with me," he grinds through his teeth, "She stays with me because she's not a threat, Meredith. If she goes with them," he stepped ever closer to the Knight-Commander, "then I'll kill every single last one of you with my bare hands. And THATS not a threat, its a promise."  
  
"Do you hear this? All of you, do you hear what he's saying to your Knight-Commander, to your Viscount? He's threatening me! You have no authority here any more, Champion. Arrest him, NOW!"  
  
Alex just scoffed when several of Donnic's guards held shackles in their hands, "Go ahead. This isn't over, mark my words. You broke into MY home, took MY friend out of it without my permission. She's blooded and bruised, in chains in the middle of the fucking street. You wanna arrest me over what I said, then arrest yourself for the abuse you allow behind your walls. For the sick fucking things your TEMPLARS DO TO THEM!"  
  
"They do nothing but their duty. What I tell them to do. Take him away," she waved her hands at the helmed Guardsmen, "Search the rest of his home for apostate's."  
  
"Run home Meredith," Alex dipped his head, his friends stepped well away from him when he went into battle stance, "Run home. Now. I won't warn you again if you touch me, touch any of them, touch anything in my home. The chain on my mood swing just broke, so you had better fucking run."  
  
The crowd roared out, things started to be thrown at the Knight-Commander, at the Kirkwall Guards when they went to round on Alex. More and more people joined in putting themselves between him and the bastards trying to arrest him. Some of the Templars even joined in, some of the Chantry folk, all of them standing there defying everything for him.  
  
This is EXACTLY what he has always hoped for. Everyone standing up for each other, against the vile abuse done to Si now they finally see it. And by Gods balls, even though he's madder then the fires of hell, he's never felt more proud of these arseholes doing it.  
  
"Fine, he will stay free. For now. But the girl goes to the Gallows, you have no authority over that, Champion. Take her away, disperse this crowd," Meredith snapped.  
  
"If your going to do it," Anders gripped his arm hard, "do it now. Won't have much time before everyone calms down. I'll round everyone up with Choir Boy."  
  
Alex dipped his head sharply at the man, re-sheathing his daggers, then slipped into the shadows through the crowd. If an when he sees Donnic, he may of may not slit the mans throat and leave him in gang territory down at the docks. Maybe stab him a few more times, leaving a few dead raiders near him as well so it'll looks like a bust gone wrong. He's a dead man one way or another by backstabbing them all.  
  
He ran past everyone, he ran past them all going behind the Chantry to the library there. Andy and Beth were in serious trouble now, he needed to get them out of here, back to Ferelden some how. Si, fuck, there was nothing he could do for her other then ask Cullen to make sure she isn't raped, abused in that fucking place. This, was wasn't the final straw yet, but by God, was close enough.

* * *

  
"Where are we going to go?" Beth ran a hand down her face, "Not like I can go back up to Wycome any more. Lothering's gone. What in the fucking void are we going to do?"  
  
"Can go see if my mums still alive. I know full well she'll take us both in," Andy held her hand tight in his, "She lives near Crestwood. Well she did. Bugger, I hope she's still there after eleven years."  
  
Alex put the letter down on the counter, "Leliana can get you out. I can get her to send a couple of people to get you and anyone else who wants out of here while they still can."  
  
"Menace? Mind explaining why your writing to her."  
  
"Because I now work for Leliana, as much as I work under The Unforgiven's banner, Snoopy. But whatever you do," he sighed running a hand through his hair, "Don't write this shit down, none of it. I don't want anyone knowing I work for her, well, other then you lot that is. She wants it kept quiet too, for a few peoples sake."  
  
His friend nearly fell off the stool, his legs waved about in the air as much as his hands were trying to keep his balance, "Maferaths fucking sodding cock! You work for the Divine now? I, I, holy shit. Why didn't you say something earlier?"  
  
"Because it's not long been done. Not for the Divine, I work WITH Leliana under the Divine. I'm one her eyes and ears now," Alex jumped up on the counter, scooting more letters over, "I report to her and her only. But I'm still going to be here trying to sort this fucking mess out Meredith created."  
  
"Venhedis, I don't know whether to be afraid or to congratulate you, Alex. I, do have some news of my own, if you will," Snowy stood up dipping his head at them all, then smiled softly when Seb walked in, "Me and Sebastian are going to Starkhaven soon, together. But neither of us will leave you until this whole thing is sorted out. Plus, I still have Danarius to worry about."  
  
Snoopy really did fall out of his stool then, Alex barely caught him in time before he hit the ground, "Thats it, I'm dying. Your all killing me here," the dwarf pushed his head into his chest, "If anyone else here says something groundbreaking, I'm putting a bolt in ya ass."  
  
"Er..." Anders slowly put his hand up.  
  
"NOPE! Don't say it Blondie. Don't you sodding dare!"  
  
Alex shook his head slightly at Anders, "It's nothing, Snoopy. I've sent a message to Cullen to watch Si, fuck, she's going to need it being in that fucking place now. Izzy."  
  
"Pup, whatever you need, sweetie."  
  
"Need you to do me a favour. Miss.Sally works in that sweet leather goods shop, she's gonna have something waiting for you," Alex helped Snoopy back onto his seat, "Tell her I sent you, then say, 'At dawn, the sun doth wake.' She'll know what it means. Then help her out."  
  
Isabela lent on the wood quirking her eyebrow, "Cloak and dagger shit? Shifty bloody passwords? Pup, I've never been more proud of you," she grinned wide.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I know. Do it after Satinalia when she's there. Which ain't too far away. We gotta deal with the Bone Pit in the mean time," Alex ran a hand through his hair again, "We got a LOT of work to do over the next few months. Hope your all ready for whats gonna happen."  
  
Everyone excused themselves to go about their business, Anders and his son were talking quietly when he left them to it. Fucking hell, was everything falling apart fast. All of it was when he made his way to the fireplace, looking up at the weapons now hanging up over it. He was hoping for a few more years before everything just crumbles. But this whole thing was like a stack of dominoes, once one falls, they all fall together.  
  
Alex heaves out a quiet sigh going to his room, Trouble poked her head out from the railings boofing at him. Her brother on the other hand, just rolled on his back, his stubby tail wagging like mad when Alex petted them both.  
  
"You two had better fucking stay safe from now on. No more wandering around out there on your own, hmm," he ruffled Troubles head the same time stroking Major's belly, "And for the love of everything, make sure Sarge doesn't get into trouble too. He's your baby brother, you know."  
  
Of course the dogs bury him under them when they both jump on him, trying to lick him to death, "SERIOUSLY! I love you too, yes I do."  
  
"Brat, did you get them?"  
  
Alex moved Troubles head out the way of his face looking up at Anders, "I did. There in my room. Okay you two, go find Sarge," his dogs ran off yipping happily, then got up off the floor motioning with his head to his friend to follow, "All four of them were there, also took a couple of other things while I was sneaking around."  
  
"Stealing from the Chantry? Scandalous," Anders smirked up at him going into his room first, "What would Elthina say?"  
  
"Like I give a fuck what she says, Anders. I think she's made it clear that I'm a dirty boy, with a dirty attitude, with an unhealthy attraction to the same sex," he shrugged closing the door behind him, "But she's a hypocrite, trust me on that."  
  
"NO! Tell me its not so," Anders gasped putting a hand on his chest, "I think we all know that, brat."  
  
Alex smirked pulling the letter out from one of the books, "No, you don't," he handed it to the older man, leaning his hip against the desk, "You wanted dirt. You fucking got dirt."  
  
He watched the man read the letter then re-read the thing, his eyes going huge slowly looking up at him, "Andraste's fucking tits! She and-"  
  
"Uh huh. Both of them, together, constantly. And she points her finger at me? As I said, hypocrite."  
  
"Shit, wish I didn't stop doing my manifesto now. I would so put this in it," Anders shucked out of his coat before flopping on the bed, "The Grand Cleric and the Knight-Commander in a secret relationship, in the depths of the Chantry? Makers breath, sounds like something Varric would write."  
  
Alex laughed out loud, throwing his head back nearly knocking everything off the desk, "OH GOD! Don't give him ideas. Or me for that fucking matter. Besides," he smiled wide crawling onto the bed between Anders legs, "Tate Wolff ain't done writing his own stories yet. Might slip that in there somewhere."  
  
The older man rested his hands on Alex's shoulders when he lent over him, straddling the mans thighs, "So," Anders tapped his shoulders with his fingers, "when we pull this whole thing off. What in Andraste's bloody name we going to do afterwards?"  
  
"Well, got a few options: Either we stay and face the music," Alex kissed the mans lips, "We leave for Ferelden for amnesty," Anders gripped his hair tight in his hands now when he kissed him again, "Or, we can fake our own deaths, go work fully with Leliana to find the fucking cure and be totally awesome."  
  
Anders ghosted his lips over Alex's when he grinned, "Faking a death is soooo romantic. I say we do that, love."  
  
"I knew you would. Got Donnic to deal with first though," he licked over the older mans lips, "Bren's going to let me know when."  
  
"Good. You better bloody bring me along for it, brat. I want to see his face when you do it," Anders tugged on his bottom lip with his teeth, his hands going to Alex's backside squeezing it hard, "Especially when you fucking well kiss me before you drive your dagger in deep."  
  
Alex smirked, "Just my dagger," he rolled his hips hard into the burgeoning erection under him, "driving in deep? Not even any foreplay? How to kill a mans dream."  
  
"Mmmm, only if I get to drive it in deep too," Anders chuckled rolling them both over, his pony tail skimming over his shoulder, "Foreplays just half the fun which we can do later. I have to finish packing up the clinic so I can bring it all here."  
  
"Ugh, fine. I got research do to as it is. I'll come get you later," he pulled the man down for a searing kiss before he lets him go. He had a LOT of work to do himself. A lot.

* * *

  
Brennan dipped her head at him when they met, "'ere," she handed over the piece of paper, "Gonna be down there all night. Raiders got their knickers in a bunch over sumthin'. So hes gonna be sortin' them out with sum of his men. Harley's got everything ready up at the Keep."  
  
"Perfect. Time to take out more garbage. Better get back before they start missing you, Bren," Alex pulled his hood down more, then slipped into the shadows when she left.  
  
Anders was waiting for him in the clinic when he ran down the steps, the timing of all this was bloody perfect. He smirked in the shadows pushing the clinics door open, the man was leaning over his desk looking at something. Alex snuck up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist picking him up with a very undignified squeal from the man.  
  
"Makers bloody breath, brat!"  
  
Alex grinned walking with the petite mage in his arms out the door, "We got something we need to go and do. We can come back here later and finish what we started earlier."  
  
"YES, well, mind putting me down," Anders slapped his hands, "I need my staff!"  
  
He lets the man go, not before Anders slapped his arse running back into the clinic. Alex waited outside pulling his long coat around him more, little white puffs of breath escaped his lips looking down the steps to the docks. They had a very short window of time before Templars come over from the Gallows for shift change. Donnic and the men Harley and Brennan wanted gone were all there too. THIS, was perfect, but it needed the right timing.  
  
The door to the clinic locked, Anders pulling his pony tail up higher on his head slowly walking towards the steps, "How much time do we have to do this?"  
  
"Ten minutes."  
  
Anders balked looking back at him, "Is that all? But I thought shift change wasn't until midnight."  
  
Alex handed the piece of paper over to him, "Yeah it is. But they need to be found at the right time. We got ten fucking minutes to do this in, to get back here before all hell breaks loose down there."  
  
"Lucky I brushed up on my paralysis chants then, isn't it."  
  
"No more magic then that, Anders. Don't wanna to give the Templars more fuel to burn everyone," Alex pushed the man on his shoulders to go ahead, "Gonna need it for what I want to do to you later."  
  
Anders snorted running down the steps, "And they say romance is dead. Generations of poets will write about this, just so you know."  
  
"I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you with my eyes open wide. Choosing to take, every step you make along the way," Alex spoke out to the ever dropping jaw of Anders blinking his eyes at him, "I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things, that we'd choose to do anyway."  
  
"I, I take everything back. Poets will recite that for generations."  
  
Alex just smiled softly at the man, he didn't want to tell him he wasn't the one who thought that up. He shook his head under his hood putting his hand up, slowing them both down. Voices echoed out around the corner, one of them were Donnic's barking orders to his men about the Raiders. The gang, Alex pulled Anders out the way when they ran out of one of the warehouses, were heading up the guards.  
  
Fucking YES!  
  
His put a finger to his lips peaking around the corner again, the whole lot of them charged at each other, right in-front of the piers too. Alex nodded his head slipping back into the shadows, Anders pulling his staff from his back. He slammed it down, green tendrils snaked along the ground at the fighting mass as he chanted under his breath. Each tendril caught the fighting mass in its embrace, keeping them in place which would make this whole thing easier for Alex.  
  
Donnic was in the middle of the fighting, struggling to get out from the bonds when Alex leaped forward, his daggers held firmly when he drove them into each and every single one of the men paralysed there. Blood poured over lips, down necks, out from the wounds in stomach's and backs when Alex finished, leaving only Donnic standing there wide eyed at the pile of dead bodies around him.  
  
Anders rounded the corner, twirling his staff in his hands, "Well, well. Looks like your in a bit of a pickle, Don."  
  
"What the bleedin' hecks going on Anders?" Donnic struggled again only to be held tighter in the embrace, "Get me outta this fucking thing!"  
  
Alex slid his dagger across the mans throat coming from the shadows, "Not so fast, puppet. You fucked us over, now, we're fucking you over, precious."  
  
"YOU! Makers sodding breath, you brought this on yourself, Alex. Bringing a whole load of apostate's into Kirkwall who had NO rights being there. Including his son," Donnic sneered his lip up, "Should of left them all in Ferelden. I hope she rots in there."  
  
"Not before you'll rot first, Chops. I considered you a friend, we all did. You were with Anders," Alex spat walking around the bound man, "you were with an apostate you fucking piece of shit. And you handed Si over like rubbish to them? I helped you, you fought with us, but I guess your no better then the garbage floating around in the stagnant water."  
  
Anders slackened his hold on the man, "I trusted you. I slept with you. I thought you gave a damn about me," he spat as well, "about my son. Alex is right, your no better then garbage, no better then Jeven. Theres something you should know before he kills you, Don."  
  
"And whats that?" Donnic flinched when Anders lent up, Alex lent down kissing each other in his face, "FUCKING VOID!"  
  
Alex pushed his dagger in deep as much as his tongue was in Anders mouth, blood trickling over his fingers the further his pushes it in slowly through Donnics screaming. A hand joined his pushing it in more, Alex grabbing loose blond hair in his free hand tilting the mans head, both of them groaning hard into it when they let the grip go, leaving the borrowed dagger lodged in the mans heart.  
  
Anders snapped his fingers when they parted, Donnics dead body slumped to the floor all the while grinning wide at Alex, "One less thing to worry about, love. Lets get out of here, hmm."  
  
"Couldn't agree more," he dropped the other dagger on the ground from the mans belt, taking Anders hand in his as they ran back up to Lowtown.

* * *

  
  
Anders planted his hand's on the wall when he knelt spread legged on the bed, his head bowed forward groaning as Alex licked down his wet back, licking the rivulet's of water dripping from his hair.  
  
Alex greased his hand from the Elfroot bottle licking back up the mans back to his neck, licking up to his ear as he circled one finger around Anders puckered hole making the other man moan slightly, "I love hearing you moan when I fuck you," he whispered breathily in the mans ear before nipping at it.  
  
Anders head titled back, biting his lip as Alex slowly inserted the finger into him, the small keening sound from the older man making him grin. He kissed over Anders shoulders as he slowly moved his finger inside the man, Anders slightly shivering with the feeling. His other hand ghosted over wet skin, skimming from throat down to the golden trail down to Anders cock, then slowly back up again slipping another finger into the tight warm hole.  
  
"Not," Anders pushed his head back against him, "not as much as I love hearing you call my name. Maker," he moaned softly as Alex tugged on the gold hoop, his tongue tracing over its shell, "yeeesss."  
  
The older man started to rock his hips back onto his fingers, which only fueled everything in Alex when he nipped at the mans neck, fastening his pace in him. Anders moaned wantonly when he scissored his fingers inside, Alex gently biting down on his shoulder, his other hand brushing back down to the gorgeous thick cock the man has nestled in golden curls.  
  
Ugh, he couldn't take any more when he slipped his fingers free, Anders glaring at him over his shoulder, "You had better bloody well not be edging me like you did last time. Wasn't funny, brat."  
  
"I would never," Alex grinned with his chin on the mans shoulder, "Well, not yet anyway," he kissed Anders cheek when the man went to retort, grabbing his hips hard as he slowly slid into him.  
  
"Maker! Fuck!"  
  
Alex lent back watching himself sheath into the older man as usual, then rolled his hips back out digging his finger nails in hard, "Not the Maker, babe. Keep telling you that."  
  
His eyes slipped closed parting his lips languidly fucking the older man, Anders letting his head loll forward, the golden damp blond hair trailing over his shoulders when he rocks against Alex in his arse. Fuck, did he love that, he fucking loved it all resting his forehead on the petite mans neck, putting his own hands on-top of Anders on the wall, their fingers interlocking together as they normally do.  
  
Alex hums softly into Anders hair, both of them were in no rush tonight, there was no need as bodies moved languidly together as one. Little trickles of magic skimmed over the older mans fingers in to his, the small sparks of electricity sending jolts of pleasure right through Alex, right down to his cock which just made him both harder and moan out louder into the clinics bedroom.  
  
"Alex, Maker," Anders grunted pushing back more against him, "let me face you."  
  
He nipped at the mans ear unlacing their fingers as he pulled out, scooting up on the bed as he laid down, he head almost over the edge when Anders straddled him. Alex hissed through his teeth when his cock was taken in hand, a few gently strokes with magic behind it just made him moan like a wanton whore as the older man slowly sunk back down on him. His hands immediately go to smaller hips, finger nails digging leaving dents as Anders rides him hard, the mans own hands planted in his chest with his head thrown back.  
  
Alex rolled his hips up to meet the downward sink, the bed under them creaking loudly as much as their heavy breathing, the panting of them fucking on it. His head pushes back into the mattress below, almost going over the edge lengthening his thrusts upward, Anders hands carding around his neck when he leans down to claim his lips. Alex groaned hard into it, his tongue tracing over the others, the small jolts of magic sparking of the older mans tongue, his lips, his whole body into his.  
  
He parts his eyes a little to look at the man above, whiskey coloured eyes greeted him, blond hair brushing gently over his shoulders the more they moved. They both smiled into the kiss, eyes watching each other as they moved together as one. Anders sucked on his tongue when he pulled back slightly, whispering against his lips before nipping at them, "Still think your a Grey Warden, love."  
  
Alex chuckled gripping the mages hips even harder, "Just been blessed with a righteous amount of," he rolled them over so the older was under him, "stamina."  
  
"Makers breath," Anders giggled when a tongue licked down his neck, "If you say Smite me next, I'm kicking you out, brat."  
  
He tugged on the gold hoop pounding the man into the mattress, which just earned him long low moans in his ear. That was his reply, nothing else needed to be said as Anders wrapped his legs around him, the heels of his feet digging into his tail bone, pinning the older mans hands on either side of his head.  
  
Tomorrow would come soon enough, but right now, it was about tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting near the end! Holy shit, who saw Anders and Alex together? *Winks*
> 
> The poem Alex recites, was from Kiersten White's Chaos of Stars -  
> "I didn't fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we are only fated to do the things that we'd choose anyway. And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you."
> 
> The poems very apt for the whole story, and the second part to the series coming up.


	41. No Surprises.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes together for the plan. The Final Straw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end game. Yes theres two chapters to go, but you'll see.  
> So, warning comes as follows - Canon Death, very very mild hint at smut, truths come out and most of all: CHANTRY GOES BOOM!
> 
> Radiohead - No Surprises - https://youtu.be/u5CVsCnxyXg  
> Faith No More - War Pigs (Black Sabbath Cover) - https://youtu.be/w4oZXfrf18Y

**9:37 Dragon - Wintermarch.**  
  
"Remind me why we're doing this again? Walking around in shit of all things," Alex flicked his hands out to the side, "Oh yeah thats right, to make a fucking bomb."  
  
Anders quirked an eyebrow at him, "Don't blame me for it, love. Blame Tevinter and their weird way of doing anything."  
  
"Tevinter," Alex scoffed putting another piece of the Sela Petrae in the jar, "Chantry. Templars. Same thing different clothes."  
  
The older man threw his head back nearly falling over into a pile of raw shit in the sewers, "Maybe we should just give this to Fenris then."  
  
Alex smirked nodding his head, digging around for more deposits. Fucking hell, the smell down here was getting to him badly, his head felt like it was going to float off even behind the bandanna wrapped over his nose. Eight deposits they needed, already have the Drakestone from the Bone Pit when they snuck off last month to get it. Charcoal was easily done, had plenty of that in the mansion.  
  
But all this weird Tevinter shit wouldn't of been needed, if the fucking Qunari had only left their Gaatlok behind. Well, thats what Anders said at any rate. Blackpowder, Alex said back to him when they read the recipe together, then had to explain it was basically the same shit, just different names. All goes boom in the end.  
  
"Have you heard back from Andy and Beth yet?"  
  
Anders sighed through his nose at him, "Yes I did. Surana took them both in, thank the bloody Maker. She wrote me, asking why I didn't come as well," Alex watched him lower his head, "Told her it wouldn't of been right. I haven't seen her in over twenty bloody years, Andy's going to be better off with his mum then with us right now."  
  
"Just you watch," he smiled wide at the man when he walked over, "He's gonna give you a whole load of granbabies with Beth. Bet you anything they will."  
  
"Brat, your making me feel old here. Your going to be an uncle soon you know."  
  
Alex wrinkled his nose up pulling the bandanna from his face, "Beth's not my fucking sister. Wait- what?"  
  
"She's already pregnant. With twins," Anders puts two fingers up grinning at him, "So their all in good hands with Neria in Crestwood. Considering she's some sort of Naturalist there, helping the villagers out."  
  
He almost dropped the jar of Sela Petrae on the floor, Alex's jaw just dropped instead blinking rapidly at the older man doubling over with laughter, "You have got to be fucking kidding me. ALREADY! Fucking hell. Still wanna know how I'm gonna be an uncle, considering I'm-"  
  
Anders cut him off with a kiss, chuckling into it standing on tippy toes, "Try not to think too hard about it, love. Bleh," the older man stepped back, "you taste like shit."  
  
"No really? Might be because we're rummaging around in it. Ugh, lets just get the fuck outta here and bathe for the next month."  
  
Everything was almost set, everything was slowly clicking into place when they left the sewers. This, was the finally piece they needed to deal with before things change. They already exposed Meredith's relationship with Elthina to everyone. Which just pissed the Knight-Commander off something rotten. Elthina went into hiding in her golden statued Chantry, begging for forgiveness to the Maker.  
  
Everyone knew by now what the Templars actually do, what with Ella's execution in the middle of the Hightown much to Alex's horror a few weeks back. The young girl they got away from Alrik before he tried to rape her, ugh. Both he and Anders were determined to bring the entire Templar Order down now, every single one of them. Even Cullen was disgusted when he tried to stop Meredith lopping the girls head off, culling other mages and the few good Templars under him in-front of the nobles as a warning.  
  
THAT was the final straw for Alex. That was the final straw for all of them. Fuck, he took down his first dragon before all that, a fucking High Dragon that nearly killed them trying do it. He could take down the Knight-Commander in a different way, even though she thinks she's untouchable. He knew she wasn't, and so did everyone else.  
  
Alex smirked at the older man shucking out of the soiled clothing, Anders wanted to take the entire blame for what their going to do. No, he was going to make bloody sure he'll be the one to take it like a man, not Anders.  
  
"You know, if it didn't smell like shit down here," he chuckled, "I'd totally take you right now."  
  
"Andraste's fucking tits, brat. You need to keep that damn thing under control. Here," the spare clothing pack was thrown at his naked arse, "we can do all that later. Maker knows I could do with it myself."  
  
"HAH! See, I knew it. Besides Cass, your the only one who can keep up with me," a lop sided grin went across his face, "For an old man, you act like a fucking hormonal teenager."  
  
Anders narrowed his eyes up, "Old man? You know full well I'm not that old. Only fifteen years between us and you know it, brat. Makers breath, I wonder why I put up with you all these sodding, poxy years, I really do."  
  
Alex stuck his tongue out kicking the soiled clothing and packs down into the sewer pipe, "Because I'm awesome and you know it. Or is it arsehole?" he tapped his chin with the shirt balled up in his other hand, "I get them mixed up sometimes. Besides, we've been friends for years, lovers for the past-"  
  
"No, don't jinx it! Varric's probably listening, somehow, somewhere. If they all ever found out," Anders looked down at his black boots, "about us, I think we could quite literally kiss animosity goodbye, love."  
  
"Anders, babe. Thats all gonna go out the window when we blow that fucking place up. We're gonna be fake dead," he took the older mans face between his hands, searching those whiskey colour eyes, "regardless, ain't we. Lets hope Snoopy lies through his fucking teeth about everything in that bloody book."  
  
Anders wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his head in his chest, "I know you loved Cassidy more then anyone, brat. I know full well you don't want to admit it," he looked up at him now, "I'm just glad that I know you, allowed me to even love you like I do. Ten years, even a hundred years from now, someone like me, will love someone like you. And nothing will tear them apart no matter what happened between them."  
  
"That, has to be the soppiest thing you've ever let come out from your mouth, babe," he smiled softly brushing his nose against the other mans, "Daylen was a mistake, I should never of let him get that close to me no matter how much we look alike. I should never of let Carver or Justice get that close to me either. But," he bit his lip trying to keep his tears at bay before continuing, "you and Cass are the best things to ever happen to me over the years."  
  
"Now who's being soppy? You know he loved you too, kept you safe as much as you did him. They may of been a mistake, but you can't learn from them until you experience any of it. Which you did. Maker knows I've done plenty of that over my life time."  
  
Tears did fall this time when he sniffed, wiping them on the clean shirt still in his hand, "Can we, can we just get out of here now? We, we have a lot of work to do."

* * *

  
The smoke as usual hung from the corner of his mouth, his legs folded up under him adding the final touches to the books he's been writing. The only other one was the actual story that was going to remain hidden, would only be finished when they were. Well, for now it was.  
  
But it was the fact when Cullen came around yesterday, telling them all Meredith had sent for some Rite of Annulment for the circle, had everyone frantically running around like headless chickens. He had to ask Anders what the hell that was, then trashed absolutely everything in the library when the man told him. She was going to have every single mage and Tranquil in that place killed because of supposed blood magic, that wasn't even anywhere in that place.  
  
This Orsino went ape shit when he heard, then she had him executed in the Gallows as a dire warning to the rest of them. There was now no First Enchanter trying to keep everything at bay, just Meredith and her bastard Templars ruling that place with a heavy fist. Si was in serious fucking trouble now, Cullen was determined along with them, to see everything ended.  
  
Alex nodded his head putting the book down, flicking ash onto the floor with his tongue looking out the window. Both he and Anders had planned to get all their friends out before they did all this, looked like there might not be time any more. The next month was fast approaching, they were hoping to do it on his birthday which would of been nice, but the middle of the month would have to do.  
  
Ugh, they needed more time. They needed a lot more time to do this. But there wasn't going to be, unless a miracle happened in the mean time.  
  
"Menace," his friend muttered from the doorway, "I found my brother."  
  
Alex frowned looking at him, "You finally fucking found him? Where was he?"  
  
Snoopy sat down heavily in the over stuffed chair in his room, "Kirkwall's Sanitarium, stark raving mad. He chewed his fingers right to the bone, his lips were gone, kid. Raving about she took something from him. Dunno what he means."  
  
"Shit, I'm so sorry. I know you wanted to put a bolt in his eye, but that," he shook his head taking his friends hand in his when he reached for it, "I wouldn't wish that on anyone."  
  
"Me either. Wanna go to his old mansion, see what in the void sent him there? Harley said there was some foul smell coming from that place as it was."  
  
Alex nodded his head, squeezing the dwarfs hand tight, "Lemme go get dressed, then we'll go. Want anyone else to come?"  
  
"No kid. Just me an you for this," Snoopy smiled sadly letting his hand go, "We gotta talk in private as it is."

* * *

  
The place was a morgue. The smell was from the dead men and woman scattered around in pieces throughout the run down mansion. Raw lyrium was forced into mouths, up noses, even, when Alex toed one of the bodies to roll over on its front, up arses. What the fucking hell drove Bartrand to even do this? He couldn't wrap his head around anything in this place.  
  
Well, also didn't help there were floating vases, chairs, books rearranging themselves everywhere around them too. Oh, and the fact a huge hulking red glowing golem was attacking them as well didn't exactly help matters.  
  
"SNOOPY, I KNEW WE SHOULD OF GOTTEN EVERYONE!"  
  
"DAMMIT MENACE, NOT NOW!"  
  
Alex ducked out the way when more Shades came up from the ground, his spirit animals taking them out so the two of them could concentrate on the fucking golem trying to kill them both.  
  
One of his daggers snapped in half when he tried to embed it in the hulking things face, he cursed wildly when he got backhanded out the way. Bianca wasn't fairing any better, her bolts just broke against the stone, Snoopy had to hide out the way when the thing charged off at him.  
  
Alex looked about himself for something else to attack the golem, then looked up at the chandelier above them. He grinned motioning with his hand up, his friend nodded pestering the golem to the middle of the room. Alex quickly got into the shadows, bounding his way up the ruined stairs to the pulley. But the bloody thing wouldn't budge when he pulled on the chain. God fucking dammit, it just wouldn't move at all.  
  
He shook his head, climbing up the chain instead to take it down from the ceiling. Yeah, that wasn't going to be a disaster in the least.  
  
"Better hurry up, Menace. This old man only has so much," Snoopy panted running around in circles, dropping every damn bomb he had on him onto the floor.  
  
"Almost... there," Alex grit his teeth balancing on the flimsy thing.  
  
The chain groaned under his weight dipping down a few inches. He bit his lip wobbling when it did it again, then closed his eyes when it fell away from the roof, with him clawing at nothing when he fell with it.  
  
"AHHHH FUUUUUUUCK!"  
  
"KID! Don't you dare-" he was cut off when the chandelier broke against the golem, then took bloody things head and one of its arms off. Alex hit hard against the golem, his back felt like it snapped in half when he bounced right off it rolling across the floor.  
  
His head impacted hard on the opposite wall, sending stars over his eyes. But the bloody thing was still standing, flailing one arm about trying to pull more fucking Shades from the ground.  
  
Alex blinked his eyes a few times to regain his vision, running a thumb over his ring to re-summon the spirit horde, but his bloody back was killing him when he tried to stand. Fucking hell, did everything hurt when the ceiling started to groan right above his friend. Bits of plaster, wood, even shingles from the roof were slowly hitting the floor around the golem, Snoopy trying to dodge it all with little success.  
  
Alex limp ran over to his friend, rugby tackling him out the way as the entire roof just collapsed on-top of the golem, the red light slowly dimming in the thing trying to move. Bianca skidded out of his friends grip, getting caught under some of the collapse, Alex covering the dwarf with his entire body to shield him from it all. Wood beams embedded themselves in the marble floor right near his head, plaster hit his back hard making him scream out in pain into the ground.  
  
"Kid, don't you fucking die on me again. I swear I'll kick you in the afterlife if you do. I MEAN IT!"  
  
"I'll do that myself," he chuckled into loose hair, "Shit, I'll even pay the fucking Maker to do it for you, kay."  
  
Snoopy laughed hard as the last bits of the roof stopped falling in on them, "Think Blondie would have a few choice words if you did that."  
  
Alex ignored him rolling off his friends back, laying flat on the floor even though his back screamed at him doing it. His head didn't feel any better either when he blinked again, feeling a wet patch on the floor. Fucking hell, he's going to end up brain damaged if any more shit like that happened. Not like he probably wasn't anyway with whats been happening over the years.  
  
He tilted his head up, resting on his elbows looking at the pile of debris in the middle of the foyer, no more red glow, no more Shades popped up to kill them. Nothing but the sound of birds flying over head in the massive hole in the roof. He flopped back down again, laughing.  
  
"I think its dead."  
  
"Sodding well hope so, kid. Because that shits red lyrium," Alex frowned resting on his elbows again, the dwarf was holding a crystal in his hands shaking his head, "I knew Bartrand would keep a piece for himself. I sodding knew it."  
  
"Red lyrium? I thought lyrium was blue?"  
  
Snoopy nodded, "Normally is. This shits the same as the idol he stole. Makers breath, we need to lock this up, keep it away from everyone, Menace. I bet you anything this is," his friend took his wooden leg off sitting heavily down on the floor, "the shit that drove him mad, made me hear voices."  
  
"Made everything float around like a haunted house. But who has the rest of it though?" Alex scooted on his backside to look at the thing, "I didn't hear anything coming through. Dwarf thing?"  
  
"Maybe, kid. I'll put feelers out on who has the rest of the idol. A she, who ever that maybe."  
  
Alex took his friends wooden leg, taking the bandanna from his pocket to cover the hole, "You said Bartrand mentioned she glinted like a silver sun. A Templar maybe? A... Templar," his eyes go wide slowly looking at the dwarf, "You don't think its Meredith do you? She has a new fucking sword that's not like Cullen's. He said she's had that for a while, scares the living crap outta him."  
  
"FUCK! That all we sodding need. No wonder she's gone round the bend," Snoopy shook his head, flicking his hair out the way, "We gotta tell everyone, kid. If she has that," he points to his fake leg, "then we're in serious fucking trouble."  
  
"Yeah, tell me about it. Shit. I'll tell Cullen when we get home, get Anders to look this thing over too."  
  
His friend knocked his shoulder smirking at him now, "That, was what I wanted to talk to you about. How long, Menace? I know he kinda helped you through Champ leaving, but it's been longer then that, ain't it."  
  
Alex's face went bright red, "Um. Er. Fuck," he chewed his lip trying to look at anything but the snickering dwarf next to him, "I fucking knew you'd end up finding out. Fine, it was when he and Donnic were together, before me and Cass were together. We, stopped after me and Cass got closer, then picked up after Dayglo left. We wanted it kept hidden, you know."  
  
"Kinda figured it out, kid. Not that hard to see how close you two are, even with the rocky start we all had. The way he held your hand with- well you know after- Yeah kinda figured it all out. Its been a lot longer then that Menace, tell uncle Varric the truth."  
  
Alex slumped his shoulders, "YES, fine. We're friends who kinda well, helped each other out," he smiled softly at his friend, "You know when I wrote down that he figured I wasn't interested in him that first time," Snoopy nodded, "It was a lie. I was, but we kept it quiet. Then I go and get fucked up with Carver, Justice and Dayglo. Cass knew everything, he figured it out too."  
  
"You weren't in the best frame of mind, kid. Tails loved you, we all could see that between the both of you. I kinda miss the big guy. Just glad Blondie's been watching out for ya."  
  
Alex sighed under his breath gripping the fake leg hard between his hands, "I miss him way too much. Anders knows that, he accepts it. He's gonna kick my arse when we get home though, and yours."  
  
"Don't worry, I ain't gonna tell anyone bout you two. Not yet anyway."  
  
"I hate you so much," he knocked his shoulder against the dwarfs as they both laugh.

* * *

  
Anders glowered from the doorway, Cullen was pacing back and forth in the kitchen before slumping on the stool. He shook his head slowly looking at the mage standing there with his arms folded over his chest, then lets out a long sigh side-eyeing the dwarf thrumming the island.  
  
"How's that even possible? I didn't even know there was a such a thing," Cullen furrowed his brow, "Would explain a great deal then if its true."  
  
"Its true, Curly. Got a piece locked away right now," Varric poked the wood, "Drove my brother mad, made shit fly around everywhere in his mansion. Me and Menace had to fight off a horde of fuck knows what before killing the sodding golem."  
  
Anders scoffed loudly in the doorway still glowering, "Hearing voices too. Nearly getting killed in the process. Why in the bloody void didn't you bring the rest of us with you?"  
  
"Didn't think it would be that bad, Blondie. Curly, can you do anything about Stannard?"  
  
"I cannot. I'm trying but theres nothing I can do. I'll either loose my position or she'll execute me in the Gallows as an example," he ran a hand through his hair, "I have managed to keep Sijon away from everyone. She's hidden away at the moment were none can get at her. But I don't know for how long. The Rite hasn't been received yet, but it could be within the next month we get it, maybe less."  
  
"Well thats just fucking perfect," Anders threw his hands up in the air, "Varric, Isabela has the ship ready Alex managed to procure for her. Don't know how he managed to do that. So I won't ask. We're not going to have much time then, are we."  
  
Varric sighed lowering his head, "Guess not. Just, don't fuck shit up too much, huh. Curly, I think you should get back, get everything ready when shit hits the wind. I'll go round the strays up tell 'em we're nearly ready."  
  
"Stay safe, Cullen. Maker knows your going to need it," Anders shook the Templars forearm, "Keep Si safe too. Wish me and Alex luck."  
  
"You too, Anders. See you on the other side if we all survive."  
  
The Templar left them, leaving just Anders and Varric looking at each other with sullen expressions on their faces. Anders walked quickly over to his friend, bringing him in hard for a hug as tears rolled down his face, "Better make our deaths bleedin' epic."  
  
"Two very fake deaths coming up, Blondie. Think thats gonna be a first for me," he snorted on feather pauldron's, "Oh, and Menace got Castillon killed through a mutual friend of Rivaini's and Nightingale's. Same with Danarius for the Elf. Don't think I seen that elf laugh so much before when he heard."  
  
"How in Andraste's arse does Alex do it? I'm still trying to figure that all out with him."  
  
Varric leaned back with a sly look on his face, "He ain't a rogue for nothing, Blondie."

* * *

  
"What?"  
  
Anders wrinkled his nose up flicking Alex's nose ring, "Couldn't keep your mouth shut."  
  
"Oh for fucks sake. He figured it all out," he shrugged putting the final touches to the bombs, "Can't keep shit like that away from him you know."  
  
"You do know he's going to end up writing it all down. Making you sound like a slut," Anders chuckled putting his own container down, "when all it is, is experience."  
  
Alex rolled his eyes, putting a finger to the mans mouth pointing up to the sound of feet going over head, "I swear," he whispers, "your as loud talking as you are moaning."  
  
"I am not!" he gasps, then giggles quietly, "You moan just as loud. You still want to," he waggles his eyebrows looking up, "in the confession booth?"  
  
"I would if you keep quiet for five fucking minutes. But nooooo, have to be bloody loud wherever you go."  
  
Anders thinned his mouth, glaring at at him now, "Thats it, no more. I'm done," he flung his hands up in the air stomping his foot down, "Please?"  
  
He shook his head putting the last one down, making sure he doesn't jostle it too much filling it up to the brim. Alex sighed brushing away the excess before putting the lid on it, clamping down all four side, looking side-ways to the mage snickering under his breath at him.  
  
"And people call me horny. Ugh," he pounced on the mage sending him to the floor with Alex pinning him down, "No fucking. Don't have time for that, buuuuut," he grinned sliding down the mages body to the front of his pants, "always time for a good ole blow job."  
  
Anders hummed trying to cover his mouth up with his arms when Alex unlaces him, pulling him free. Then whined at the tongue licking down his shaft to his balls, "Maker Alex."  
  
"Still not the Maker," he chuckled fisting his own cock then slowly took the mage into his mouth, making the older man whine even louder, as usual.

* * *

  
**9:37 Dragon - Guardian.** (War Pigs)  
  
He looked down the steps at the woman screeching her lungs out at everyone, her Templars stood on one side, Cullen stood with the mages on the other. Si looked up at him from under her hood, dipping her head when she backed off a few paces. Anders was right on queue when he stepped forward from behind everyone, his staff held firmly in his hands pointing at the Knight-Commander in the rather fetching black feather overcoat.  
  
Alex smirked opening his own leather coat, his new daggers glinting in the weak sunlight when his partner slammed his staff down. Varric pulled Bianca from his back, running his fingers over her stock grinning wide up at him. Snowy and Seb dipped their heads darting off down to the docks to get ready with Isabela and Bren.  
  
Anders sneered his lip up at Meredith, "Because there is no compromise any more, Stannard. You went too far, and so did she," he grinned slamming the staff down again.  
  
The first explosion went off, Alex breathed in deeply feeling the the rumble under his booted feet when more went off, sending the Chantry sky high with how much they put under it.  
  
The aftershock blew through Hightown, his hair ruffled with it along with his coat when he grinned down them all from the top of the steps, spreading his arms open wide coming down them. The rest of the bombs were triggered when Anders slammed his staff down one last time, the Viscount's Keep and Templar barracks spewing their payload everywhere behind him. Meredith's mouth dropped when he got to the bottom, but rage soon replaced it when she screamed at them all.  
  
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"  
  
Alex smirked dipping his head, "Removed the chance of everything you ever put your fucking hands on. I warned you, but you didn't listen."  
  
"The Grand Cleric dead, my Templars dead. You murdered them all!" Meredith sneered her entire face up pointing right at his chest, "The Maker will judge your punishment, Champion. KILL THEM ALL! ANNUL THE CIRCLE!"  
  
Cullen waved his hand at the Templars behind the raving woman, "Disregard that order and take her into custody. I'm taking over as Knight-Commander, you failed Meredith, you failed everyone under you by slaughtering innocents."  
  
"YOU DARE! I DID MY DUTY AS SHOULD YOU!" she screamed in his face, drawing the sword from her back.  
  
Everyone stepped away from her when it started to glow, and so did her fucking eyes when she brandished it out in-front of her, "The Maker guide my hand to these foul and corrupt blood mages," she swung out catching Cullen in the face, "Guide me to punish them as is my DUTY!"  
  
Alex slipped into the shadows trying to get behind her, but the bloody woman just leaped clear up into the sky. He blinked several times when she landed on the steps to the docks, well away from them. He was not expecting THAT when she ran full bore down them, setting a trail of red fire behind her. The fuck was that shit?  
  
"Holy shit, did she just-" Snoopy wiped a hand down his face looking up at him when he came out the shadows, "Its the sodding red lyrium doing it, has to be."  
  
"Fuck if I know. I just live here," Alex re-sheathed his daggers, "We're never going to make across the harbour now with her doing a Superman. Don't ask, my world shit."  
  
Anders pinched the bridge of his nose stopping his healing on Cullen, "Best I can do. Looks like that red lyrium shit leaves scars. Now what are we going to do with her," he waved his hand towards the Gallows, "Fen and Sebastian are NOT going to be able to handle her on their own now."  
  
"Cullen, Si, just do as planned with everyone. We'll deal with it. Fucking well dunno how now, but we'll deal with it"  
  
Si wrapped her arms around his waist burying her flaxen head in his chest, "Don't you dare die on me. Bad enough having to deal with that the first time, Alex. Make her pay with everything you have, you hear me, make her pay. Mythal watch over you," she grinned when he kissed her head.  
  
"Squirt, she will, trust me on that. Go with Cullen, do what you need to do when you get up there. We got a date with the crazy glowing bitch," Alex grinned.

* * *

   
His hands were slick with blood when he drove them into the lunatic fucking Templar running at them all. The daggers slipped out of his grasp ducking out the way of the sword swing, then kicked the woman into the Enchanter's firestorm.  
  
Bad enough they had to deal with blood mages acting like lunatics at the same time. Alex had no idea where they fucking well came from when he took another one down, the crazed fuck trying to summon twisted when he slit his wrists, the blood just sprayed over everything instead. This was a fucking mess, all of it was as another Enchanter went down when a Smite hit him square in the chest, only to be pounced on by twisted tearing him apart.  
  
"Anders, where the-" he started to shout, but ducked out the way from a stray fireball aimed behind him, "Fucking hell. Warn me next time!"  
  
"Starkhaven, love. These are the Starkhaven mages we saved years ago with the Hawkes," the mage swung his staff out, aiming the end into the Shade paralysing the thing with his chant, "Maker, this is-"  
  
"-madness. I know."  
  
Snoopy leaps backwards then slipped into the shadows, "Blondie, Menace, we're gonna to have a serious talk when you two die."  
  
Alex snorted picking his dropped daggers back up when he skidded over to them, "Sorry about the mess. I'll pay the Guild to clean it all up. Don't worry."  
  
"Kid, I'll pay 'em double to make shit better."  
  
He chuckled under his breath rolling out the way when more fireballs went over his head. Meredith was waving her hands about, raising them higher over her head the red tendrils sinking in deep to the bronze statues around the Gallows. Great, thats all they needed. More fucking statues trying to fucking kill them. A blue blur went past him, the sword swung out when Snowy came back out of it, clipping the bronze monstrosities legs sending it sprawling to the floor.  
  
Seb's hail of arrows rained down on a group of Templars trying to hound a group of mages, aiding the group in the mad throng in the Gallows. Fucking hell, it was getting worse and worse the more they all fought. More mages were slitting wrists to try and fight, which just angered Alex to no end. Templars were slaughtering anything in their way, friendly and otherwise.  
  
Meredith was still cackling like a mad woman from the top of the steps, the sword back in her hands when she jumped up in the air again, before landing smack bang in the center of the Gallows.  
  
"I tried to have sympathy! Maker knows, I've tried! But how can we allow them freedom when so many would use it to commit atrocities? They control minds, they become abominations, they began the Blight itself! And now Elthina. Oh, poor Elthina. I will avenge you, my love!"  
  
Alex's anger flared, "Sympathy? You fucking killed good mages, good Templars in Hightown you fucking bitch. You know no meaning of the word. Allow me to aid you to your worthless gods side."  
  
They charged at each other, her sword swung out nearly cleaving him two before he rolled out the way slicing through her hamstring. She roared out in anger bringing the sword down again right near his head. The red glow on it was getting brighter and brighter, her eyes getting deeper in colour bringing it down over and over again. Alex could barely get out the way, couldn't bring his daggers up to get to her wrists.  
  
The tip of the sword broke in the ground, red sparks went everywhere when she brought it down again. Then... then she changed directions, charging off right towards Anders. Alex's eyes went wide open when she grabbed him before the mage could do anything.  
  
"How does it feel, Champion. To know I hold the life of one you love in my hands? Like you did with mine," she squeezed Anders neck hard bring her face right into his, "Filthy apostate, spreading your cancer into our society. Spreading your filth into everything you touch."  
  
He saw nothing but black in his vision holding some sword in his hand, he had no idea when he picked it up running full bore into her back. He couldn't hear anything with so much blood rushing around in him, he couldn't see anything with how much anger flooded through him. He felt the sword hit bone when it went in deep, he felt blood pour over his hands pushing it even more as he screamed in rage.  
  
Alex was pushed away by something, the force sending him skidding along the ground backwards. The smell of burnt leather clung into his nose when he slowly stood up heaving, shucking out of the now ruined coat. He ran at the woman again when she faced him, but he still couldn't hear nor see anything when he pounced on her, sending them both to the ground. Alex went to touch the ring on his finger, but it wasn't there when he thumbed.  
  
"Fuck!"  
  
Meredith pushed him off her, he could hear the sound of the sword slicing through the air, barely getting out the way again when she screamed. "Maker guide my hand. I am your humble servant!"  
  
A flash of bright red made his sight return, he scrabbled away from her as the sword shattered spraying her with the red lyrium, with metal shards piercing her armour. She clawed her face sinking down on her knees as red crept up her body freezing her in place. Anders grabbed him pulling him away more, watching the woman scream in agony reaching up to the sky.  
  
"Maker, forgive me," were her last words before she froze in place looking upward, her hands clawed like some garish statue in the middle of the Gallows.  
  
The whole place were silent looking at the thing, no fighting, no yelling and shouting, nothing but the wind from the water rusting banners high above them.  
  
Alex swallowed loudly gripping Anders tight against him, "I, I actually have no words right now."  
  
"Neither do I," the mage whispers shaking in his grasp, "Other then: Finally."  
  
"Blondie, Menace, I think we should just get the fuck outta here for the mainland. Choir Boy and the Elf are rounding up the last of those wanting to leave," Snoopy tugged on both their hands, "Maferaths ballsack, no-one's gonna believe this shit when I write it down."

* * *

  
They checked each other over again for the hundredth time sitting in the kitchen, Anders practically sitting on his lap after they bathed getting blood out of everything on them.  
  
Everyone was fine, all of them. All the mages and Tranquil that could be saved, were. All of them heading right on down to Ferelden to Kinloch with some of Cullen's men who wanted out of Kirkwall too. Isabela had already left with Bren, they bade their farewells before coming back home to plan the next step.  
  
Snowy and Seb were getting ready to go to Starkhaven in a few weeks with Orana. Leaving just Snoopy on his own. Well... not really.  
  
"Cullen," Alex frowned at the fussing over Si, "mind explaining what your doing with her?"  
  
The man flushed bright red as much as Si was, "Um, making sure she is well."  
  
Anders slid off his lap when he fisted his hands by his side, stalking over the man backing away, "When I said look after, I didn't mean that kinda looking after, Cullen. She's-"  
  
"I'm eighteen now, Alex. Stop being all big brother on me," she rolled her eyes, "Creators, your as bad as Andy with all that."  
  
"Fucks sake. I'm warning you though," he poked the sandy haired mans chest, "If she gets up the duff before she's fucking twenty-one, I'll be knocking on your door."  
  
Si's jaw dropped, then slapped his arm hard, "Leave him alone. He's been nothing but a gentleman with me, unlike the rest of them in that place. Glad their all dead now. And Alex," he narrowed his eyes at her then grinned when she flicked his nose, "you can be my brother all you like. Just, don't kill him. I kind of like him."  
  
"Still no sex before-"  
  
Anders grabbed his arm pulling him out from the kitchen, Cullen was still bright red when he glared over his shoulder at the man. Si on the other hand winked back at Alex, before pulling the Templar down for a kiss. Anders put a hand over his eyes when he started to glower, chuckling the entire time pulling up the stairs.  
  
No, he wasn't mad. Not at all. He was just fucking surprised when he took the hand from his face, he didn't see that coming at all. Considering Cullen used to have a massive crush on him. Eh, Alex smirked looking at Anders raising an eyebrow at him, least she fancied someone else other then him, even if it was the new Knight-Commander.  
  
"She's going to be fine, brat. Varric will keep the man in line if he steps out of it."  
  
"I know, I know. Ugh, we better pack, got a LONG ways to go," Alex grinned pulling the man in close again, "Kinda looking forward to going to Nevarra."  
  
"Me too. Always wanted to see those necropolis they have there. The wailing undead, not so much though."  
  
He snorted before he kissed the man full on his lips with a smacking pop, "Won't be the only wailing going on. Okay, okay," he snickered when the older man pushed him away, "we got a cure to find, along with the wailing."  
  
"PACK!"  
  
"Ruin all my fucking fun."


	42. Game, Set and Match.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric rounds everything up before the Seeker leaves.

**9:40 Dragon - The Hawke Mansion.**  
  
Cassandra went wide eyed when he finished. Her hands were bunched up into fists, shaking slightly sitting forward in her chair. He had her, he had her hook, line, and sinker when he grinned back at her.  
  
"So you do not know where they are? Either of them? No fake deaths after all?"  
  
"Nope, they left right after the battle. Right after Meredith became that sodding statue."  
  
The Seeker wiped her eyes slowly sitting back in her chair, she had her bottom lip in her mouth as she sucked on it. Varric, wasn't watching it when it was released, no he wasn't when he hid his grin behind the manuscript.  
  
He may not be doomed after all.  
  
"It all sounds so, romantic. Knight sounds just like his namesake, Varric. Even with everything he went through, he still- I-" she wiped her eyes again looking at him with a watery grin, "Thank you, for telling me."  
  
"Anytime, Seeker. I got more if you want," he smiled sweetly at her lowering the manuscript out the way, "Or maybe letting me go would be great."  
  
Cassandra sighed through her nose leaning forward again, "So he never did it out of spite. He didn't do it because he came from else where, but to protect the people within that place. To give them all a chance. I understand now."  
  
"He didn't know what would happen afterwards, Seeker. None of us did when they all went to war. Menace did what he thought was right," he shrugged slipping out of his seat to walk behind it, laying his arm across the back when he tilts his head, "He gave Connor a chance on the throne, the kids done great, ain't he? He gave the Alienage's in Kirkwall and Denerim a means to be better then what they are. People respect them now, fuck, even the Kirkwall guards have a whole load of elves in their ranks now keeping the peace."  
  
She smiled at him nodding her head as she rose herself from the chair, "He did. I have everything I need now Varric. Thank you, for your time."  
  
He watched her walk out from the mansion, he slowly walked after her to listen. Varric could hear Leliana talk to the woman in the night, more Seekers were lined up outside waiting for them. Cassandra waved them all on to move, that they were done here. But Leliana stood there thumbing the book stepping back towards to mansion's door.  
  
"Varric," she whispers, "Thank you for keeping things from her. I, for one, am glad you did."  
  
"Your welcome, Nightingale. Better go catch her up," he snickered waving his hand at her.  
  
She dipped her head once and slipped away. Someone else stood behind him now, hands going on his shoulders when he looked up grinning at the face grinning down at him.  
  
"Better get that shit cleaned up in there. I think she bought it."  
  
The shadow chuckled, "Fucking hope so. I gotta leave in the morning for the Anderfels as it is. So not looking forward to that, I can tell you."


	43. Epilogue - I Try.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven, one year later.

**9:41 Dragon - Ferelden.**  
  
Snow fluttered down around him as he stood there, looking at the fort around the Chantry from a distance. The sound of metal being struck rung out in the valley, horses hooves clomping around the nearby paddock, the smell of fresh clean snow stung his nose as he shivered.  
  
Several tents were pitched a little haphazardly outside the fort, he chuckled watching a few curse out loud when pegs just flew up in the air with the wind that picked up. But still, he stood there watching in the shadows, watching them all buzz around like flies. Watching men and women pour out from the huge gates in uniforms he knows quite well now, going off in different directions.  
  
He sighed, pulling his pack on more as his shoulders slumped, setting off towards this place coming out the shadows.  
  
He watched in horror just over a week ago, the green explosion in the sky. He was stunned by the earth shattering screams that fell from the thing pulsing, forever changing the way the sky looks. Fought off twisted beings being thrown through small portals, then had to give up when it was never ending, almost loosing his life and clothes in the process while running away.  
  
But now, the closer he got to Haven, he came to help with whatever he could, whatever they wanted. Looked like this place could use it quite frankly. But most of all, to report in to Lee when he got there.  
  
Fuck. Everything was a mess.  
  
A few soldiers noticed him coming from the valley, his two dogs yipping and boofing loudly the closer he got. One very familiar figure went bug eyed at him, his mouth flapping open and closed when he smirked at the man.  
  
"Hey, look at that. Hello Cullen."  
  
"Alex, what in the Makers name are you doing here?" the sandy haired mans face lit up like a beacon at him.  
  
He shrugged, "Was in the area, saw the green fade shit go boom last week. But well," Alex lowered his head, "had other fucking things I needed to do before coming here, you know."  
  
"Maker, you have no idea what it means to me your here. Varric's going to be happy to know your here too," Cullen smiled even more, "But," he quirked an eyebrow looking around Alex, "where's your armour? Where's-"  
  
"Cullen, don't," Alex slumped his shoulders, "It's why I'm here, alright. Look, I really need to talk to Lee and Snoopy, kinda urgent."  
  
The man nodded his head, pointing up the steps past the huge gates, "Their both up there. Not hard to miss the dwarf, considering he's right there grinning at you."  
  
Indeed, Varric was grinning at him from the gates when he looked, grinning running down them to him. Bianca dropped on the ground when his arms wrapped around Alex's waist, himself putting his own around the dwarfs shoulders. God, he wanted to fucking cry right now, but held it in when his friend looked up at him.  
  
"Maferaths balls, what the fuck are you doing here? I was gonna send a message but had no fucking idea where you went, Menace."  
  
Alex smiled softly, "Was busy, Snoopy. I fucking thought you were dead in the explosion. Then heard through the grapevine your alive here with Lee."  
  
"Yeah I am. Just about. Kid, fuck, everythings a mess."  
  
He snorted pecking a kiss on his friends head, "When ain't it a mess. Besides," he took Varric's hands in his, "you think I'm gonna sit back and let you take all the credit? Fuck no."  
  
"Varric, who's that?" a womans voice behind him made Alex look over his shoulder at her. He squinted looking over the uniform, then groaned shaking his head at her. The same woman who integrated Varric last year about him. More people came down the steps to see who the fuck it was out there.  
  
"Seeker," Varric grinned opening his arms wide when the man lets him go, "Lemme introduce you to my best friend: The Champion of the People."  
  
Alex sighed out heavily at the dwarf, "God fucking dammit you short shit. You know full well I don't use that title any more. Not even wearing the fucking uniform, 'cos its all burnt up by now," he shrugged, "Had to pilfer this lot by the way."  
  
"Never said I wouldn't stop using it, Menace."  
  
"I hate you so fucking much right now," Alex glared at him then smirked looking at the people going slacked jawed at him, "Er, you know staring is pretty damn fucking rude, right?"  
  
This Seeker dropped everything on the ground slowly making her way forward, shaking slightly putting her hands out, "Your, your actually here. Your really here, Champion!"  
  
Alex nodded at her flicking the fringe from his face, "Damn right I'm here. And who the fuck do you think you are bullying my fucking friend, huh? And It's Alex Knight, not Champion anymore. Thats my dogs Trouble and Major," they boofed to say hello, "Sergent Fluff'n'paws is in my pack asleep as usual."  
  
"I, I," the Seeker stepped back a few paces blinking, "apologise. We tried to find you, find the Hero of Ferelden too, but you'd both vanished. Varric told me everything."  
  
Alex snorted, "No he didn't."  
  
"Yes he did," she frowned at him, then glared at Varric, "You kept more from me? Ugh, I should of known."  
  
"Actually, I requested he kept somethings hidden, made things a little easier you know. But," he snorted again at her face, "I heard everything anyway. Rogue after all. You were in my old home, after all."  
  
The Seeker's face went bright red as she swallowed, her hands going back up in-front of her, "YOU KNEW! YOU HEARD IT- Sweet Maker, it slipped out when I said that, Knight."  
  
"Uh huh. A little bit of hero worship, hmm? Fancy the fucking Champion? Barking up the wrong tree, sweetheart."  
  
"Ugh. Maker forgive me," the woman sighed shaking her head at him, "But, what are you doing here, Knight? I thought Varric didn't know where you were."  
  
Alex sighed through his nose when Leliana came down the steps, he smiled softly at her when they embraced, "Because shits messed up thats what."  
  
"Cassandra, Varric didn't know. I did though, why Alex requested somethings kept secret. I had him look up on a few matters for me," she pulled back down casting her eyes, "Its as I fear, isn't it."  
  
"Their all gone. All of them. Me and the dogs looked for months when they left," tears welled up in his eyes, then tried to wipe them away when they rolled down his face, "Only ones thats still around are the two people you and I know well. Thats it."  
  
Alex tried to smile as he sniffed, but gave up wiping his eyes instead. Varric bit his lip hard, so did everyone else when another came down the steps. He frowned at his friend, at Lee, then looked up.

His face started to fall watching the person run up to them all with a staff on his back. Alex's heart pounded like a war drum in his chest, looking at him as much as the man was looking back.  
  
"Yeah so, Menace, thats... the Herald of Andraste," Alex took several steps back staring at him, "I woulda' warned you if I knew you were coming."  
  
"Snoopy, he looks like- Holy fuck, he, he almost looks like-" words just fled him staring at the man.  
  
The man frowned even more cocking his head, tucking black hair behind his ear, "Varric, why is he looking at me like you did? Like you all did?"  
  
Alex sucked in a deep breath, putting his hand up to stop his friend from speaking, "You sort of fucking look like someone I once knew. Just-" he swallowed as tears pricked his eyes again, Lee wrapped her arms around him when they just poured down his face instead, "Fuck, you look like Cassidy."  
  
"Um. I, I am Cassidy? Cassidy Trevelyan. Can someone tell me whats going on? Anyone? Please?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so rounds up the first part of this series. Stay tuned for the second part coming soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> Macy Gray - I Try - https://youtu.be/WEQ0l_m3Xm0


End file.
